Arbitrary Thoughts :)

I could not remember how I got stuck here.I was in a haze. It was dark all around. It seemed so scary. I just knew one thing. I had to push. I could almost hear my dad’s voice asking me to push a little harder. I felt my Moms thoughts urging me to fight. But, I just could not.

I remembered the sweet doctor aunty, who said it was very risky and they should not endanger my life by doing this. She said I was far too young to try it on my own. But my parents were adamant. They wanted me to be independent. They wanted me to make it on my own. Life was hard and they wanted me to start fighting young. They believed we could pull it off as a team. At this moment however I had lost all confidence.. I just wanted to curl up in my fetal position and just rest. I was tired from all the pushing. Tired of all these expectations. The doctor aunty was right. I was too young.. I could not do this on my own. They should have listened to her.

Suddenly I felt a rush around me.. It seemed like everything around me was moving towards the exit. I understood that the time had come. I could not let them down. They would be crushed I did not make it. I did not want to be a disappointment. If I was going to prove myself, it was now. I started pushing with renewed vigour. I felt a glimmer of hope when I saw a tiny ray of light. And then suddenly my head was out.. I feel myself getting out slowly.. a limb at a time.. my neck followed by my tummy.. and finally my legs. I had done it.

I realised there was finally fresh air around me.. and that I had not breathed such pure air in a long time.. As I took a lungful of that in.. I started crying.. these were tears of relief..tears of joy..And then I saw him, my dad was standing right beside me smiling. As he shook my small hand in his huge one I felt like a grown up already.. And his first words to me after this eventful journey were – “I am so proud of you my son… You made your first solo local train journey.. Now you can truly call yourself a Mumbaikar!”

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It was her favourite garden. A relaxing walk here around sunset, never failed to calm her down. She loved to watching the sun dip in the lake at sunset.. How the color of the sky would change from a light blue .. to orange streaks and a darker shade.. and finally turn black. It felt so peaceful.. tranquil. It was here that she came, whenever she had to make any important decisions..

She remembered all those evenings when they had come here together. Their long walks.. the discussions they had about anything and everything..

But today, she could hardly bear to look at the couples around.. They were fools… holding hands.. whispering sweet nothings to each other. Making plans for their future.. she thought bitterly!

————–

“There is nothing between the two of us.. Oh come on Sunaina, she is just a very good friend?”
“You do love her.. you just don’t want to accept it..”
“I don’t.. why are you acting so childishly?”

Their arguments echoed in her mind. She was bitter.. it was hard to accept the fact that he was not hers.

She wished time could magically rewind to a couple of months back.. They had such an amazing courtship period. Their world was so much simpler. Just the two of them. So blissfully happy with each other. It felt like no other feeling before.. that they were meant to be together, the way he looked at her.. the way his palms would close up on hers.. his goofy smile that would make her heart flutter! If someone would have told her then, that it was all a mistake, she would have laughed it off, calling the person a fool – could he not see how they just belonged to each other. And now it seemed, destiny was laughing at her – calling her a fool, for not having seen this coming.

It was all her fault! Prerna.. She spat out the name with such hate. Sumit’s best friend who had married an NRI and was settled in USA at the time of Sunaina’s marriage. The first time Sunaina saw Prerna was a couple of months back. Prerna had returned to India after her husband died in a tragic car accident. She could not bear to live in the house they built together, and there was nothing left in that country to make her stay there. So she was back, to India.. moving in with parents and unfortunately for Sunaina.. back in Sumit’s life.

Ever since Prerna returned, she was all Sumit talked about. How she needed their support to move on, how Sunaina could go and help her out – maybe take her shopping. How he was helping Prerna to create a resume, so that she could get a decent job here.. It seemed to Sunaina, that Sumit’s life had started revolving around Prerna.. as if she herself had become invisible to him.

But now, she had suffered enough. She could not go on living like this. He had to make a choice. He could either be a part of her life or Prerna’s. She gave Sumit the ultimatum.

————————–

“I am supposed to help you get your life back on track, and instead I am here asking you for help” Sumit did not want to trouble Prerna, but she was his best friend and he knew he could confide in her.

“Oh come on, you have done enough for me, its my turn now.. Spit it out!”

“Well, I hate to say this, really.. but and I don’t know how I am doing this.. but.. well Sunaina.. she has asked me to choose between you two.”

“.. I am really sorry”

“Then there isn’t much of a choice, is there?” Prerna had made her decision too. After all he was her best friend.

———————

It was almost a month since Sumit had promised to cut Prerna off from his life. He stopped talking about her, even mentioning her and claimed that he had completely cut her off. But Sunaina still saw Prerna around in their street a couple of times when Sunaina came home early from work. There would sometimes linger a faint smell of her perfume on his shirts.. especially when he was late. She once even saw an envelope with his name with a handwriting she could swear was Prerna’s.. but before she could open it.. the envelope mysteriously disappeared from the table.

Whenever she mentioned this to Sumit, he would blow her off saying that she was imagining things.. and that he was really making an effort.

She would almost believe him when he said stuff like that and then there were times like these hints of her being around that filled Sunaina’s mind with the green-eyed monster.

That fateful day was the limit. She saw Prerna’s scarf on the couch, when she came back from office!! She asked the maid to get rid of it before she lost her mind!

Sunaina could not take it any longer. She realised that if this was what Sumit wanted.. she would step out of his life.. it would be simpler for both of them.. There was no point in pretending.

She just hoped that unlike her, at-least he would get what he hoped for. With that last thought, she took the rest of her sleeping pills.

—————

He had promised Sunaina that he would never meet her again.. but this was an emergency.. Prerna’s dad just had a stroke. Some good samaritans rushed him to the hospital. Luckily he had Sumit’s card in his pocket and so Sumit rushed to Prerna’s house to get her to the hospital. But as he approached her house, he was surprised to see his maid in her doorway.

“You haven’t paid me for the last time either when I placed the envelope.. and now, I even planted the scarf as you wanted, I have done whatever you asked for. Now give me the money that you promised.”

“Did she recognize my scarf”

“I think so.. she asked me to throw it out”

A satisfied smile came to Prerna’s face.. Things were going according to her plan..

Realisation struck Sumit when he finally understood that his wife had been telling the truth all along! Never in his wildest dreams could he have imagined that Prerna.. his best friend could do this… she was such a sweet girl.. what the hell happened to her?

But he had no time to think about Prerna now.. he had to go back to Sunaina.. She was his life!

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