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I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore

Remember that old song...I can't fight this feeling anymore....I've forgotten what I started fighting for....It's time to pull this ship into the shore....and throw away the oars...forever....What a wonderful love song that was.

Why, then, do I find myself singing it when thinking about my daughter's behavior???  Ok, I know that all people want to hear is perfect little wonderful stories, but that is not the story of my life and this is my blog, you know..

Anyway, back to my daughter.  She is a wonderful girl, but sometimes....well.... she can be high maintenance on some issues.  And, after two weeks home with her 24/7, those issues stand out.

Do our relationships with our children sometimes resemble the singer's words?

I can't fight this feeling anymore?  Yes, I often get so frustrated, I don't want to keep trying.

I've forgotten what I started fighting for???  Yes, sometimes I forget why I am in the battle.

It's time to pull this ship into the shore and throw away the oars, forever???   Yes, I often just want to dock this relationship somewhere and give up.

I know that I get extremely frustrated when my daughter makes the same wrong/bad choices over and over and I can't seem to get her to do the things I want her to do.  Instead of giving up, I know I have to keep on and on and on....  She will eventually get it.  Sometimes the battle is hard to fight when you have lost sight of the prize.  That is so easy to do with raising kids.  Sometimes we think that they will never get it, so why keep trying.  But we have to keep on.

Take a break, take a deep breath, and go again. 

Phl 3:14

I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

Cyber Monday

It seems that "black Friday" shopping has taken over the internet with "cyber Monday" and everyone is tagging along trying to get in on the action.  Bad thing???  Maybe not.  I have recently become aware of a world beyond my own.  A world where a ten year old child's greatest concerns might not be whether or not she can go skating on Friday or if her friends sit by her in the cafeteria at lunch.  A world with no hope of a heaven and no knowledge of a savior.  A world where things are not, absolutely not, fair or right by my standards or your standards.

I am sure you are wondering what I am talking about.  After all, it has been months since I have blogged and now I am probably sounding CRAZY!!   I have been growing.  In the past, I wouldn't have written a post like this one cause it might offend one of my friends...blah.  If it offends you, then you don't really know my true heart and you aren't really a friend.

I have recently become aware of an organization called Worldcrafts.  It is an organization supported by the Baptist WMU that helps to free women of prostitution and slavery and impoverished people by teaching them a way to make a living.  There are many different groups around the world.  Some make jewelry, or stationary products, stuffed toys, beautiful doilies, wooden home decor items.....the list goes on and on.

It is a fantastic organization.  I wish many Americans would try to support themselves as hard as some of these people do.  There are many stories about the artisans on the website that rip my heart.  In fact, after reading about them, I know my heart will never, ever be the same.

Today, Cyber Monday, Worldcrafts is offering free shipping, which is a pretty big cost since these are all overseas.  So I head over to the website.  I find the item I have been coveting...a laptop bag.

Isn't it perfect???  My favorite colors, my favorite print.  It has a shoulder strap as well as a way to carry it in your hand.  Ah, finally, I could be one of those elite who does not carry the black sleeve we got with our laptops, but a beautiful laptop bag.....  Everyone would say, "Your bag is sooo beautiful...wherever did you get it!!"  I would casually say, "Oh, it was handmade in Cambodia.  I special ordered it.  It was my little Christmas gift to myself."

And then I think about how greedy and stupid that is.  The black sleeve does me just fine and I don't need the flowered bag with the shoulder strap in my favorite colors...um... I just don't need it.  There are other ways for me to spend my money besides on myself.  "But it is Cyber Monday, " I tell myself.  "Free Shipping"....... "Ciara's birthday is coming up.  You could buy her something and you haven't yet started your Christmas shopping, and you have bills piling up..."   So the greedy war begins in my soul.

I finally decide that $44.99 is just extremely expensive and way too much for me to spend on something for myself.

I read about the group that made it.

They call themselves Kingdom Creations.

They are victims of severe poverty.

Many women sell their daughters for a period of time until they can figure out a way to make more money.

It is NOT FAIR.

I have never, ever even entertained the thought of having to sell my daughter to make a living for myself.  ARE YOU LISTENING????  I can not even fathom the thought of this.  How can I not buy the bag now???  I mean, that would be two meals out to eat for my daughter and I.  Two nights of us eating ramen noodles for supper instead and a woman gets to support her family and not think of selling her daughter.

Will I buy the bag?  No, cause I don't need it.  I would never be able to use it.  I would be forever thinking of my greed.  I will find another way to support the organization. 

Will I ever be the same after Cyber Monday shopping?  No.  A piece of me will forever be united with some faceless mother/daughter duo in a country I have never visited.  I will have hope for them, when their hope is gone.  And I will hug my daughter tighter and longer and thank God that even when she is screaming that I am unfair to her, she will never, ever know how unfair life can be.

Please Stop the Clock for just a minute....

I truly had the best of intentions this summer.  I gave myself off the Monday of Memorial Day and I started in gung ho on Tuesday.  An hour at school, an hour at home, an hour of private personal time, and then pool time and fun for the rest of the day.  I went to the school and worked an hour and a half - check.  I went home and worked about an hour - check.  Private time----oh well maybe later.  Pool time - check..... This worked well for a few days and then I begun to feel sick.  THAT WAS NOT IN MY PLANS!!!  I have been feeling draggy, and coughing really bad.  I can hardly sit up without breathing heavy.  Just going into the other room to sit in a chair makes me winded.  Thank God for our wonderful clinic here in this town.  I got some medication and started on it Monday and am already feeling better.  Maybe tomorrow I will get back into my routine....Meanwhile, C has been going to the pool by herself and I have really stocked up on that private personal time alone.....Don't think that was the idea....oh well.

I just want to say how proud I am of my Baby C.  Tonight she stood in 100 plus degree weather in a dry, dusty field and just waited and waited for the ball to come her way.  I don't think I could do it.  All the girls do such a great job out there playing softball in this heat.  I am glad, though, that the season is over!!!  Way to go Angels!!

DON'T BE CRABBY!!!

 

Don't Be Crabby!!

That is my theme for this week!!  I got the idea from our VBS Logo.

I am going to be so sweet!!!

For those of you who think that I am just a lazy slob (and I agree with you most of the time) here is what I have been doing this week. 

work - teaching the kids that come to my room....as normal, except it isn't normal cause it is the LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL!!!

making check lists and check lists and checking things off the check lists to be ready for VBS on Saturday.  I am so excited, but I want it to be so nice and fun for the kids.  Yesterday I painted little waves in the water....today they look like strips of white paint.  I wish I was an artist (Melissa - I could really use you). 

So I have worked at the school all day, teaching, finishing year end reports, and packing up 16 years worth of junk and memories to move to my new classroom.  Then I go to the church and work for a couple of hours.  Then I come home and try to do the laundry or something like that and collapse. 

Tomorrow is the card swap (so excited).  I know, I know, I promised pictures and you will get them....eventually.  I also have to experiment with tie dye tomorrow to figure out how exactly we will make our shirts for VBS.  Then we finish decorating that night.  Thursday, Ciara has a game - GO ANGELS!!!  Friday is the last day of school - glad, but kinda sad this year.  Walking away from that classroom is going to be harder than I thought.  That night is the VBS kickoff swim party.  My new swimming suit is ready to go! Yahoo!!!  Saturday is VBS - all day.  It is going to be soooooo fun.  Oops, it will be  a blast - a Beach Blast!!  Then it is summer, summer, summer...ready or not, here I come!!!

I have very few plans for this summer.  First and foremost, POOL TIME!!!  C and I got a pool pass last year and it was wonderful.  We want to do that again.  I want to organize my new classroom really good.  I want to organize and deep clean this house!!  I want to finish up all those little odds and ends on my scrapbooks here and there and get caught up.  I plan on scrapping a lot.  I am going to take care of my step-mom while she goes to a cooking class and while she has knee surgery.  Then it will be over with all too soon.  It is just so wonderful while it is here.  What are your summer plans??

More May Maddness

The VBS materials have been found!!  I am so glad.  Everything is together now, ha ha ha.  I remember starting to make something yesterday and having trouble with it and now I don't even remember what I was working on!!  How is that for an example of how busy I am.

Last night I had a scrapbooking crop.  None of us got a lot done, but we all needed to just be with each other so much.  We are all going through some tough experiences and we needed each other's company.  Sometimes you just need to know someone loves and supports you so you can go back out and fight the battles of daily life again.

I did get my cards done for the card swap.  I promise that I will soon take pictures and post the cards...when school is out and vbs is over....I think they are really pretty.  But I know that the others that make cards with me are really gonna wow me!!  This month we are gonna meet at McDonalds and I am going to try a new drink.  Don't know what, but I am gonna try something frappy or mochay!!

Last night C said the funniest thing.  One of my friends was saying that she wanted to adopt a baby girl.  Ciara said, "Too bad I'm not available."  We laughed so hard.   She got it right, she is not available!!  That's my baby!

Well, I am off to make breakfast, go decorate the church, and finally get my nails done.  Have a great Saturday!

Unfair

Recently something happened that was so unfair.  My daughter was called on something, yet her friends weren't.  She didn't understand why she had to comply but the others didn't.  I didn't understand either, yet made her do as she was told.  Why are some things so unfair?  I was boiling angry!  I was mad.  I was driving in my car and the anger was taking over.  How do you explain to a child that sometimes things are just unfair?  The sooner she learns to just shake it off, the better she will be because there are so many things in life that are unfair.  Then I remembered a lot of things that were unfair:

• It was unfair that God created the world, yet people chose to worship a piece of metal or stone.
• It was unfair that Mary was treated badly when she was carrying the child who would become our savior.
• It was unfair that Jesus had a crown of thorns smashed into his head.
• It was unfair that they beat him until he could barely stand.
• It was unfair that Peter denied him three times.
• It was unfair that Judas betrayed Jesus.
• It was unfair that people chose to set a criminal free, yet hung Jesus to die.
• It was unfair that people spat upon him as he was dying.
• It was unfair that he was ridiculed and laughed at as he struggled.
• It was unfair that the soldiers nailed him to the cross.  
• It was all UNFAIR!

I don't want  it to be that way.  I want to go back and make it easy for Jesus.  I want to make him comfortable, let him live a long life without suffering, pamper him, honor him, sit at his feet.  I want to make it FAIR.  I want the King of Kings to live like a King.

That wasn't the plan.  It isn't the way to salvation.  It wasn't fair that Jesus did all that for me and you.  Next time you something unfair happens to you, praise God and thank him.  The unfair things that happen to us are nothing compared to what our savior went through for us.