is admitting you have a problem.
I had a miscarriage this week.
There, I said it.
This is not my first miscarriage. I'm sure it won't be my last. But this has been my hardest. The first one, I didn't even know I was pregnant. In fact, I didn't even know I had had a miscarriage until months later when I had my second one, and the similarities were too many to dismiss. It wasn't "diagnosed", though, so I guess it doesn't really count.
The second one came a week after an unexpected, yet very pleasant surprise. We weren't even trying. We had one week of happiness and planning. Yet, in the back of my mind, I kind of figured that it might end. I wasn't really surprised when it did. Ryan took it harder than I did.
This one though. This one has hit me like 1000 tons of bricks. This one came after a year and a half of trying. A year and a half of fertility treatments, tests, doctor's visits, medications, prayers, good thoughts, etc, etc. We had one week of happiness and planning. It was still sinking in that the aforementioned things had finally worked. My cousin had a miscarriage the week before. I told everyone, including Heavenly Father, that I didn't think I had it in me to handle another miscarriage. I prayed and prayed and prayed that this one would stick.
I started cramping over the weekend. I didn't think much of it, after talking to a pregnant friend who was having the same issues. Monday, the cramping got worse. I could barely stand because of the pain. I kept praying my guts out that what was nagging in the back of my mind was not really happening. I had just resolved myself to take it easy until the viability ultrasound we had scheduled for April 1. It was just over a week away. I could make it until then.
I started spotting that night.
I sobbed as we tried to figure out what to do with Hailey while we went to the hospital. I sobbed when my friends came to help.
Then the dull ache came. I preferred the tears.
The sadness and tears come in HUGE waves. Huge waves, close together.
I don't answer the phone, because I can't talk about it without crying. I try to hold it together when I talk to people in person, but its hard. Then I come home and fall apart.
I want to sleep for a week, but can't sleep when I lay down at night. I have dreams that this is all just a bad dream. Then I wake up, and I'm in the bad dream.
I'm so grateful for such wonderful friends and neighbors who have offered whatever, whenever. And sent me their love and prayers. My husband has been amazing, and such a rock. I love him. My baby (who is not much of a baby anymore) gives me loves and cuddles all the time. She's very in tune and knows when I need them most.
Hopefully, with time, the waves will come farther apart, and I can get back to normal.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Changes at the Family Blog
Hi everyone!
I just wanted to let you know that the address for the family blog has been changed.
Please check my links to get the new address.
I just wanted to let you know that the address for the family blog has been changed.
Please check my links to get the new address.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
I {heart} Fall!!
The weather has been LOVELY here the last week. I haven't turned my A/C on at all. Its been great to have fresh, cool, crisp fall air blowing through my house all day.
Fall is my favorite season for many reasons. I love long sleeved shirts, sweaters, jackets, scarves, hats, long pants, the changing of the leaves, soups, breads...well I guess I pretty much love everything about fall. My favorite thing about fall is that I get in the mood to bake again. I started going through one of my favorite recipe books the other day and found about 50 recipes that I wanted to make. The benefit to you, is that I LOVE to share good recipes. There is an extra benefit if you live nearby is that I also LOVE to share yummy food and yummy treats! (There is an ulterior motive for this also-its so I don't weigh 400 pounds by the end of my baking season!)
So to start out with, I may overwhelm you. I have three delicious recipes to share. The first I made for dinner the other night. Now I have to tell you, that my child does not eat much meat. She will eat the occasional hamburger from a Wendy's kids meal, or an Arby's Jr. Roast Beef sandwich. I may even get her to eat a corn dog now and then. But, for the most part she won't eat it, especially chicken. Well, she liked this recipe. She ate almost 2 full helpings of it! I was pretty stoked and made a mental note to put it on the regular menu rotation.
Chicken Rolls
1 whole chicken
8 oz cream cheese
2-3 tubes crescent rolls
1 can cheddar cheese soup
Melted butter
Bread crumbs
Boil chicken until done. Remove meat from bones and either shred or chop (personally, I prefer shredded). Mix cream cheese and cheddar cheese soup together until smooth. Add chicken and mix well. Spread crescent rolls out and place a spoonful of chicken mixture in the center of each one. Fold crescent roll around chicken mixture to form a ball. Dip in melted butter and then roll in bread crumbs. Place on a greased cookie sheet. Bake at 350* for about 30 minutes. Serve with gravy.
This makes quite a bit (24 rolls), so if you don't like leftovers, or you don't have a large family, I would cut down the recipe size. For my family, I would probably only use 2-3 chicken breasts next time instead of a whole chicken. Or maybe not, since my hubby likes the leftovers :)
The next recipe was shared on this blog, which I contribute to from time to time. I made it for dinner last night, and it was a hit. It also makes a lot, and I'm wondering if it might freeze well.
Corn Chowder
1 stick butter
1 bunch green onions, chopped
1 can chicken broth (14 oz)
2 medium potatoes, peeled and cubed (I put in 3, because I LOVE potatoes in soup)
2 cans Cream of Potato soup
1 can Cream of Mushroom soup
4 cans yellow and white corn (I used just yellow)
1 pint (2 cups) half and half
8 oz cream cheese, cut into to small cubes
3 tsp Creole seasoning
Saute onions in butter in a pot. Add chicken broth and potatoes. Cook until potatoes are fork tender. Add soups and heat until warm and smooth. Add corn and heat through. Add half and half and cream cheese. Heat until cheese has melted. Add Creole seasoning.
This was a super easy and super quick soup. It made quite a bit, so its a good thing that we all liked it!
This next recipe I've had for a long time that I got from this website. It is a favorite of my husbands. I usually make it as a bread, but decided to try it as bars today and frost them. If I do say so myself, it turned out very tasty!
Pumpkin Spice Bread
2 cups canned pumpkin
3 cups sugar
1 cup water
1 cup vegetable oil
4 eggs
3 1/3 cups flour
2 tsp baking soda
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp nutmeg
3/4 tsp ground cloves
Heat the oven to 350*. In a large mixing bowl, combine the pumpkin, sugar, water, vegetable oil and eggs. Beat until well mixed. Measure the flour, baking soda, cinnamon, salt, baking powder, nutmeg and ground cloves into a separate bowl, the stir until combined. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the pumpkin mixture, beating until smooth. *Grease two loaf pans and dust them with flour. Evenly divide batter between the two pans. Bake for 60-70 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Cool for 10-15 minutes and remove from pans.
If you prefer bars to bread, grease a large cookie sheet and dust with flour and pour batter in the cookie sheet. This method only needs about 20-25 minutes baking time. (Stick a toothpick in the center to check for done-ness). I let the bars cool for about 20 minutes before I put this cream cheese frosting on them:
Cream Cheese Frosting
1/2 stick butter
4 oz cream cheese
1/2 package powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla
Beat cream cheese and butter together until creamy. Add powdered sugar and beat well. The mixture will be really stiff at first, but will cream up. Add vanilla and mix well. If it is too stiff, add a little bit of milk.
I wanted a pretty thin icing, so I added about 2 tablespoons of milk to mine.
These bars would also probably be really good with some sort of streusel topping.
Next week I will share more recipes with you! Enjoy!!
Fall is my favorite season for many reasons. I love long sleeved shirts, sweaters, jackets, scarves, hats, long pants, the changing of the leaves, soups, breads...well I guess I pretty much love everything about fall. My favorite thing about fall is that I get in the mood to bake again. I started going through one of my favorite recipe books the other day and found about 50 recipes that I wanted to make. The benefit to you, is that I LOVE to share good recipes. There is an extra benefit if you live nearby is that I also LOVE to share yummy food and yummy treats! (There is an ulterior motive for this also-its so I don't weigh 400 pounds by the end of my baking season!)
So to start out with, I may overwhelm you. I have three delicious recipes to share. The first I made for dinner the other night. Now I have to tell you, that my child does not eat much meat. She will eat the occasional hamburger from a Wendy's kids meal, or an Arby's Jr. Roast Beef sandwich. I may even get her to eat a corn dog now and then. But, for the most part she won't eat it, especially chicken. Well, she liked this recipe. She ate almost 2 full helpings of it! I was pretty stoked and made a mental note to put it on the regular menu rotation.
Chicken Rolls
1 whole chicken
8 oz cream cheese
2-3 tubes crescent rolls
1 can cheddar cheese soup
Melted butter
Bread crumbs
Boil chicken until done. Remove meat from bones and either shred or chop (personally, I prefer shredded). Mix cream cheese and cheddar cheese soup together until smooth. Add chicken and mix well. Spread crescent rolls out and place a spoonful of chicken mixture in the center of each one. Fold crescent roll around chicken mixture to form a ball. Dip in melted butter and then roll in bread crumbs. Place on a greased cookie sheet. Bake at 350* for about 30 minutes. Serve with gravy.
This makes quite a bit (24 rolls), so if you don't like leftovers, or you don't have a large family, I would cut down the recipe size. For my family, I would probably only use 2-3 chicken breasts next time instead of a whole chicken. Or maybe not, since my hubby likes the leftovers :)
The next recipe was shared on this blog, which I contribute to from time to time. I made it for dinner last night, and it was a hit. It also makes a lot, and I'm wondering if it might freeze well.
Corn Chowder
1 stick butter
1 bunch green onions, chopped
1 can chicken broth (14 oz)
2 medium potatoes, peeled and cubed (I put in 3, because I LOVE potatoes in soup)
2 cans Cream of Potato soup
1 can Cream of Mushroom soup
4 cans yellow and white corn (I used just yellow)
1 pint (2 cups) half and half
8 oz cream cheese, cut into to small cubes
3 tsp Creole seasoning
Saute onions in butter in a pot. Add chicken broth and potatoes. Cook until potatoes are fork tender. Add soups and heat until warm and smooth. Add corn and heat through. Add half and half and cream cheese. Heat until cheese has melted. Add Creole seasoning.
This was a super easy and super quick soup. It made quite a bit, so its a good thing that we all liked it!
This next recipe I've had for a long time that I got from this website. It is a favorite of my husbands. I usually make it as a bread, but decided to try it as bars today and frost them. If I do say so myself, it turned out very tasty!
Pumpkin Spice Bread
2 cups canned pumpkin
3 cups sugar
1 cup water
1 cup vegetable oil
4 eggs
3 1/3 cups flour
2 tsp baking soda
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp nutmeg
3/4 tsp ground cloves
Heat the oven to 350*. In a large mixing bowl, combine the pumpkin, sugar, water, vegetable oil and eggs. Beat until well mixed. Measure the flour, baking soda, cinnamon, salt, baking powder, nutmeg and ground cloves into a separate bowl, the stir until combined. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the pumpkin mixture, beating until smooth. *Grease two loaf pans and dust them with flour. Evenly divide batter between the two pans. Bake for 60-70 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Cool for 10-15 minutes and remove from pans.
If you prefer bars to bread, grease a large cookie sheet and dust with flour and pour batter in the cookie sheet. This method only needs about 20-25 minutes baking time. (Stick a toothpick in the center to check for done-ness). I let the bars cool for about 20 minutes before I put this cream cheese frosting on them:
Cream Cheese Frosting
1/2 stick butter
4 oz cream cheese
1/2 package powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla
Beat cream cheese and butter together until creamy. Add powdered sugar and beat well. The mixture will be really stiff at first, but will cream up. Add vanilla and mix well. If it is too stiff, add a little bit of milk.
I wanted a pretty thin icing, so I added about 2 tablespoons of milk to mine.
These bars would also probably be really good with some sort of streusel topping.
Next week I will share more recipes with you! Enjoy!!
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Breaking Dawn...My Review
Easily my most anticipated moment this summer was receiving my copy of Breaking Dawn in the mail. It was a bit like a drug for me. I remember how engrossed I had been with the first three books, and felt a little guilty premeditating how I would neglet...er....otherwise occupy my child, because I knew once I started I would not be able to stop.
The package came in the mail yesterday, luckily around nap time, so I would have at least two free hours of [uninterrupted] reading. By the time I went to bed last night (at around 1am-which I had to make myself do, because I could have easily kept myself up all night to read...but I have a 2 year old to take care of) I was a little more than half way through the book. I finished today also around nap time. I'm sort of regretting not making it last a little longer...Guess I'll just have to re-read all four of them...
Anyway, on with the review...
I really liked the book. I was so excited to be in the Twilight world again, to share in Edward and Bella's life just one last time. There were aspects of the book that were a little different and weird for me. The pregnancy thing threw me for a loop. I was not expecting that at all! I remembered that vampires couldn't get pregnant, because it involves so much change to a body, so I just assumed that they couldn't get someone pregnant, either. I read some interview, somewhere where Stephenie Meyer explained the physiology of it all, but I can't find it, so just trust that its out there. I know a lot of reviews raked Stephenie Meyer over the coals for putting the pregnancy in there, and for a lot of other aspects of the book, but I have to tell you, they are her characters. She created them. I'm pretty sure that she knows them better than any of the readers out there. I trust her judgment that she knew what to do with the characters that she created and has known more intimately than any of us could ever even dream of.
Ok, I'm ff my soapbox...for now...
That said, the pregnancy was still a little creepy to me, what with how fast the baby grew and kept breaking her ribs...its making me hurt just thinking about it. Like some of you, I kept picturing an alien baby that was going to eat its way out....Ew. Ew. Ew.
Another thing that was a little different for me was the whole Book 2. I've never really been a big fan of Jacob. Quite honestly, I find him to be a petulant child, but that's just me. I found myself skimming an awful lot of Book 2, kind of like I did in New Moon, until Edward came back. I didn't quite get why she would change the points of view right in the middle of the book, and why Jacob?? Then I read this interview with her. If she had put Book 2 in Bella's point of view it would have been very boring. Just her being sick. If she had put it from Edward's point of view, it would have been depressing. He was sure she was killing herself for that baby. Most of the Cullen's would have been the same. So I guess Jacob made the most sense. At any rate I was glad he finally quit being so petulant. And I have to admit that his interaction with Rosalie was pretty entertaining. It had me laughing out loud at some points (the dog bowl!).
The imprinting on a baby again...that was just weird. It happened with Quil, but it didn't make it any less weird when it happened with Jacob. Although, it was explained that they have no romantic feelings for the baby, and who could ask for a better older brother?? I mean nothing is going to happen to Renesmee; what with vampires as parents and a were-wolf as an "older brother"...who's going to mess with that child??
I am so glad that it was actually Edward that Bella finally ended up with. I've been a member of Team Edward from the very beginning. The wedding and the honeymoon (oooo lala!) were probably my favorite parts of the book. Their love is beyond compare. The last two pages, where Bella is finally able to let Edward read her thoughts were particularly touching, where he finally gets to understand how she feels about him.
I'm also glad that there was a happy ending and that we didn't lose any of the principal characters. I'm a sucker for those kinds of endings, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The almost-battle with the Volturi was intense enough for me without there being an actual battle. In those moments just before the battle where Bella was explaining to Renesmee why she had to go with Jacob, it was heart wrenching. I kept picturing Nessie as Hailey and myself as Bella, and I kept crying. I was so glad that Nessie didn't have to lose her parents and that none of the family was lost.
I'm glad that Bella was no where near as annoying to me in this book as she had been in the previous three. She grew up a lot, and I was glad for that, because sometimes in the other books, I kinda wanted to smack her.
I was also glad that Bella got the happy ending: [finally] becoming a vampire, a baby, Jacob as a part of her family, a husband and still able to see her mortal father. I read a review that said something to the effect of "Is this the example that we want to set for young girls? That its ok to get married at 18, have a baby and everything will work out just right for you?" Come on, people! Really??? This is fiction! Not something to base your lives around. If the young girls that read these books aren't that smart, then...well, quite frankly, I'm afraid for our future.
Well there's my review...a long one I know, but...its my blog, so...well that's all the explanation I need... :)
The package came in the mail yesterday, luckily around nap time, so I would have at least two free hours of [uninterrupted] reading. By the time I went to bed last night (at around 1am-which I had to make myself do, because I could have easily kept myself up all night to read...but I have a 2 year old to take care of) I was a little more than half way through the book. I finished today also around nap time. I'm sort of regretting not making it last a little longer...Guess I'll just have to re-read all four of them...
Anyway, on with the review...
(!!!!!!!!!!!!!SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
I really liked the book. I was so excited to be in the Twilight world again, to share in Edward and Bella's life just one last time. There were aspects of the book that were a little different and weird for me. The pregnancy thing threw me for a loop. I was not expecting that at all! I remembered that vampires couldn't get pregnant, because it involves so much change to a body, so I just assumed that they couldn't get someone pregnant, either. I read some interview, somewhere where Stephenie Meyer explained the physiology of it all, but I can't find it, so just trust that its out there. I know a lot of reviews raked Stephenie Meyer over the coals for putting the pregnancy in there, and for a lot of other aspects of the book, but I have to tell you, they are her characters. She created them. I'm pretty sure that she knows them better than any of the readers out there. I trust her judgment that she knew what to do with the characters that she created and has known more intimately than any of us could ever even dream of.
Ok, I'm ff my soapbox...for now...
That said, the pregnancy was still a little creepy to me, what with how fast the baby grew and kept breaking her ribs...its making me hurt just thinking about it. Like some of you, I kept picturing an alien baby that was going to eat its way out....Ew. Ew. Ew.
Another thing that was a little different for me was the whole Book 2. I've never really been a big fan of Jacob. Quite honestly, I find him to be a petulant child, but that's just me. I found myself skimming an awful lot of Book 2, kind of like I did in New Moon, until Edward came back. I didn't quite get why she would change the points of view right in the middle of the book, and why Jacob?? Then I read this interview with her. If she had put Book 2 in Bella's point of view it would have been very boring. Just her being sick. If she had put it from Edward's point of view, it would have been depressing. He was sure she was killing herself for that baby. Most of the Cullen's would have been the same. So I guess Jacob made the most sense. At any rate I was glad he finally quit being so petulant. And I have to admit that his interaction with Rosalie was pretty entertaining. It had me laughing out loud at some points (the dog bowl!).
The imprinting on a baby again...that was just weird. It happened with Quil, but it didn't make it any less weird when it happened with Jacob. Although, it was explained that they have no romantic feelings for the baby, and who could ask for a better older brother?? I mean nothing is going to happen to Renesmee; what with vampires as parents and a were-wolf as an "older brother"...who's going to mess with that child??
I am so glad that it was actually Edward that Bella finally ended up with. I've been a member of Team Edward from the very beginning. The wedding and the honeymoon (oooo lala!) were probably my favorite parts of the book. Their love is beyond compare. The last two pages, where Bella is finally able to let Edward read her thoughts were particularly touching, where he finally gets to understand how she feels about him.
I'm also glad that there was a happy ending and that we didn't lose any of the principal characters. I'm a sucker for those kinds of endings, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The almost-battle with the Volturi was intense enough for me without there being an actual battle. In those moments just before the battle where Bella was explaining to Renesmee why she had to go with Jacob, it was heart wrenching. I kept picturing Nessie as Hailey and myself as Bella, and I kept crying. I was so glad that Nessie didn't have to lose her parents and that none of the family was lost.
I'm glad that Bella was no where near as annoying to me in this book as she had been in the previous three. She grew up a lot, and I was glad for that, because sometimes in the other books, I kinda wanted to smack her.
I was also glad that Bella got the happy ending: [finally] becoming a vampire, a baby, Jacob as a part of her family, a husband and still able to see her mortal father. I read a review that said something to the effect of "Is this the example that we want to set for young girls? That its ok to get married at 18, have a baby and everything will work out just right for you?" Come on, people! Really??? This is fiction! Not something to base your lives around. If the young girls that read these books aren't that smart, then...well, quite frankly, I'm afraid for our future.
Well there's my review...a long one I know, but...its my blog, so...well that's all the explanation I need... :)
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Blast from the Past
I was browsing blogs and found this survey and I thought it was fun, and one that I haven't seen a million and a half times....
Q: What television show or movie did you want to be in when you were little?
A: Saved By the Bell
Well, Shea, you wanted something to read, so here ya go! :)
Q: What television show or movie did you want to be in when you were little?
A: Saved By the Bell
Q: Which character or star?
A: Kelly Kapowski
Q. Most embarrassing moment your friends will never let die?
A. So many to choose from... I used to wear my bangs VERY high and VERY stiff. My two best friends used to tease me ENDLESSLY, because they were tom-boys and didn't care to wear their hair like that. They STILL tease me about it to this day...
Q: Your proudest moment or accomplishment?
A: Being one of the few girls in my age group that didn't have sex or get pregnant before we graduated high school :) Graduating college was a pretty big accomplishment too!
Q: What adult did you have a crush on when you were little?
A: Hmmm....I don't remember having a crush on an adult, but I had a ginormous crush on Jonathan Brandis.
Q: What habit or personality trait do you have of your mother?
A: I HATE to be late for things. I'm not nearly as bad as she is though. She has to be like an hour early to everything. I only like to be like 15 minutes early, except for this one time...
Q: What did you want to change your name to when you were little?
A: I always wanted my name to be Kimberly. I tried to tell my teacher that I had changed my name to Kimberly when I was in 4th grade.
Q: Who was your first kiss?
A: Keith Ware...
Q: What are 3 adjectives that someone from high school or middle school would use to describe you?
A: I have no idea! Probably quiet, choir-nerd and ???
Q: What hairstyle, clothes, or other accessories did you rock back in the day when it was cool?
A: I rocked the tall, stiff bangs. I did the scrunchies, high tops, jeans tucked into my socks, over sized sweat shirts, slap bracelets, crimped hair...man, I was a sucker for trends back in the day...
Q: What job did those long and annoying surveys in school say you would be good at?
A: I don't remember taking any of those...
Q: And what did you try and make the test result outcome be?
A: Again, I don't remember taking those, but I remember a career day-ish activity where I told everyone that I wanted to be a lawyer or a teacher....or a mom. I was very diverse. I still wouldn't mind being a lawyer one day...
Q: What made you laugh harder than you have ever laughed before?
A: I laugh easily. I remember "giggle boxing" with Sasha, and "I better have a cow before everybody goes" (again with Sasha) and "Hey cow!" (with Debi), "Nasty!" (with Anna). More recently, things like this make me laugh until I almost pee...
Q: Favorite memories of hanging out with your best friends?
A: So many to choose from...sleepovers with the girls were always so fun, and full of giggles. The road trip to Redmesa with Debi ("Look Aubby, I'm a nuni-corn!") will always be a memorable time.
Q: What is the most trouble you have ever gotten in with your parents?
A: When I ditched school (the ONE AND ONLY time) in 8th grade. My mom was sooooo disappointed, and I was in soooo much trouble. I also remember that summer getting in a lot of trouble because of Keith...I think I was grounded almost the entire summer.
Q: What was your 5-year plan when you had to write it out in high school?
A: Gosh, I don't remember doing this either...I'm sure it was something generic like graduate college, get a job...
Q: What is your 5-year plan now?
A: Well I want to have a couple more kids, and buy a house with a bigger yard, and travel a lot with my family. I want to take more vacations than we did when I was a kid.
Well, Shea, you wanted something to read, so here ya go! :)
See how well that worked?
So much for a post every week....
I've been real busy since April...don't ask what I've been doing....I can't tell you, or I'd have to kill you :)
I'll get back on track though, just you wait. I have a new friend, Christie, who I got some inspiration from on what to blog about...
Just you wait...I'll be back :)
I've been real busy since April...don't ask what I've been doing....I can't tell you, or I'd have to kill you :)
I'll get back on track though, just you wait. I have a new friend, Christie, who I got some inspiration from on what to blog about...
Just you wait...I'll be back :)
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