Electric Anarchist Riot Babe

Well. Uh. Hey.

I'm not, uh, back back. Just making sure this thing still works. I don't think spending all my time on Tumblr is good for me but I don't quite have the energy to journal properly again. Or improperly. Or remember how.

I still have SPN icons here. Sheesh.

I'm So Fucking Tired of Revisionist Fandom History by fairestcat, via twistedchick.

Yeah so that Detroit: Become Human fanfic? I've started posting it. Chapters one and two are up on AO3, because when I initially posted chapter one it was 6K words and I realized that was a bad idea. I'm going to update once a week until I catch up with my draft. I'll try to keep the same schedule after that, but we'll see how I do. Dunno if any of you played/enjoyed the game, it's cool if you're not into it, but obviously I'm gonna link to it from my ding dang journal.

Under the Level Winter Sky
Fandom: Detroit: Become Human
Current Word Count: 6523
Rating: Mature
Summary: Markus and his comrades managed to reach a peaceful end to the android-human conflict. Connor rose up against his creators and joined his people in their struggle for freedom. Kara never made it to Canada, but she kept her family alive.

CyberLife lost.

Temporarily.

They're not about to stand idle after their trillion-dollar investment just walked way.

I wrote next to nothing in January. Then I played Detroit: Become Human, can't get these stupid androids out of my head, and now I have 6K+ of fanfiction tumbling around on my harddrive.

I mean, half of it's crap, but some of it is okay? And I have a whole series bouncing around my head. I just. At least I'm inspired but what the hell, brain? I haven't wanted to write fanfiction in over a decade.

I'm writing SOMETHING though, which is great, because I haven't really been working on anything recently. So if Connor and Markus and Kara want to run around shouting in my brainspace, fuck it, let's do this.

(I EVEN MADE ICONS. They're kind of crap because I'm not used to using GIMP and I couldn't be bothered to go through the process required to obtain Photoshop YET AGAIN. But icons!)

My lovely sister bought me a new PS4 for my birthday! Instead of playing the game she bought me (Horizon Zero Dawn, which I borrowed from a friend but wanted my own copy), I've been playing The Forest. I've wanted to play this game since it went into Early Access, but they never delivered on the Mac version for whatever reason. (And, tbh, my laptop is getting on in years, so it wouldn't have played as well.)

I am having SO much fun with this game. I was a little disappointed it doesn't allow any character customization for a protagonist that hasn't had any dialogue outside of grunting, but oh well. The survival mechanics are pretty standard -- pretty easy, to be honest, but this isn't my first survival game. The combat is pretty simple once you figure out how to make a spear. I don't play these games for the combat, though, I play for building and exploration. Both of which are excellent.

Building isn't as customized as, say, 7 Days to Die, but the trade off is that it's less tedious and buggy. I have a decent little base set up, and I think once I finish the story I'll start a game just to build. I'd like to have a little village set up, just for fun. I don't really do multiplayer, so it's gonna be one crazy dude by himself. Maybe the cannibals will come live with me!

The exploration is mostly underground -- not that the surface is empty, but most of the tools (possibly all?) are in the caves. It can be a bit claustrophobic and creepy, and the underwater sections are reminiscent of Subnautica, the game that gives me temporary thalassophobia. SO THERE'S THAT.

All in all, a fun game that I'm glad I'm able to play!

I signed up for Pillowfort, because when one is lagging on all their social media accounts the best thing to do is start a whole new one. You can find me here.

Well, here I am.

My plane took off from LAX on the 29th at 9am local time; a quick layover in Saint Louis; then landing the second and final time in Boston, 7:30pm local time. My cat, Basil, was displeased with the situation but was well-behaved. Mostly quiet, the only time he called out was during the first plane's landing, and when I met my parents at the baggage carousel.

They're... smaller. My mother lost a good deal of weight on the diet I shared with her (which I dropped when my Depression dragged me down and never bothered to pick up again); my father was always slim, but his two-month hospital stay took a lot out of him. It was difficult to keep the concern from my expression; if I did, I credit sixteen years in retail.

It has been about five years since I was able to afford the trip back; long enough to forget the everyday of New England. Compared to Los Angeles, everything is delightfully green, even the highways. (I can call them highways again; no more freeways for me!)

The first few days I was back the weather was hot and muggy; it dropped down to low fifties, and now it is slowly climbing back up to habitable temperatures. I am used to only being cold because I left the a/c on too long; the handful of nights that felt cold in LA were alleviated by central air and a space heater. The latter I had to leave behind, and the former is only utilized here when the weather is below fifty. It's simply too expensive otherwise.

My current bedroom basically used to be a closet. I'm not complaining, exactly; my parents have given me a place to stay while I get back on my feet and are not charging me rent of any sort, for which I am grateful. I do miss my garage-sized bedroom and memory foam California Queen, and so does my dumb cat.

My parents have a 17yo cat, Quin, and a Great Dane, Sera. Quin remembered me, of course, and asks for pets as much as he used to. He's also smaller than he used to be, what with his age. His sister from the same litter died two years ago, but he's been happy being an only cat, so with my cat... well. They haven't gotten into a fight or anything. Quin hisses and growls like a gremlin, basically the cat version of "get off my lawn!". Basil just sits and stares at him, or avoids him. The dog, however... she wants to be friends with Basil. He wants nothing to do with this human sized animal whatsoever. Not that I blame him! She's huge and loud and very scary to a little kitty. She likes me, however, which is nice. I met her once before, the last time I was here, but that was only about a week.

I go back to work next week. I transferred within the same company, so it was just a matter of introducing myself to the GM here. The department I worked in back in LA needs help here, so our meeting was basically a formality. I don't really want to work for this company anymore, but I don't have a car or license right now, and the store is a ten minute walk, so it will do. Without a rent payment to worry about I should be able to pay off my debt to the State of California rather quickly, and then I can get back on the road.

I haven't found a new therapist mostly because I haven't looked. I tell myself that I'm waiting for the transfer to go through so I can figure out my insurance options but, honestly... I'm anxious about it. (as I am about pretty much everything hahahahahaha) I was lucky that I found a good therapist on the second try, and there aren't as many options here. And starting over with a new therapist is... ugh. I need my meds, though, so I'll figure it out.

This is temporary. I will fix my finances, find my own place, find a better job. This is merely a speed-bump.

Well, I've met my January goal for GYWO, so that's a plus. This year I might actually finish the first draft for Krixos, instead of just saying it.

I mean, last summer I DID manage to put together a mock cover, so it's not like I did nothing.

Oh boy.

Well, at least 2017 is over.

Donald Trump is still the president of my country. Climate change is still probably going to destroy the human race. I'm still sick and broke.

On the upside, California now has a state dinosaur.

I think I managed to get slightly more writing done this year. Not much more, but considering the fragile state of my mental health I'm calling it a win. I definitely read more, which is great. My favorite new-to-me book this year was definitely Meddling Kids by Edward Cantero, although Palaniuk's Rant was a close second.

My favorite game for this year is, hands down, Horizon Zero Dawn. If I did't know any better I'd say the game was made for me; tough-as-hell female protagonist, a post-apocalyptic society, explorable ancient ruins, AND robot dinosaurs? Although I still haven't played the DLC story. I'll get around to it; I'm much more patient with my games than I used to be.

My aunt, who I mentioned was dying of cancer, died on October 20th. Five days after my mother's birthday. She was doing all right, then over the course of a week deteriorated rapidly and then passed in her sleep. My cousin, her only son, was angry and in denial and several states and a time zone away. He had a chance to say goodbye and didn't take it. I'm not trying to shame him; I'm very sad for him. He's going to have a very hard time forgiving himself. I know I would.

(Aside from everything else, this was a sad reminder that my uncle, who I was very fond of, died a week after my birthday, many years ago.)

My mother's family is in New England, which is where the memorial will be held. My aunt's ashes (my mother said, "the" ashes, not "her" ashes) will be shipped to my grandmother and spread over my grandparents' plot. (Both grandparents are still alive. They have to bury their daughter. They are not the first, or the last, but it's still not fair.) I can't afford the plane trip, unfortunately, but my mother expected that. Hell, she told me not to worry about it back in August. Had the funeral been held in Texas, neither my mother nor grandmother would have been able to attend. Everybody's broke nowadays.

I went over it in my head, over and over again, what I could possibly say to my cousin. Over and over, round and round, and even when I thought I had the idea of it I rethought every word and inflection. And I came to the realization that not only was I speaking to him, I was speaking to myself.

I would tell him, "you don't need me to tell you that you made a mistake. You know that, and you know what? It doesn't matter. What matters is that you love her, and she knew it; and that she loved you, and you know it. That is what defines your relationship with your mother. Everything else is bullshit."

Love is what matters. Everything else is bullshit.