Would it have killed her to smile and reply 'medium well, please'?

For two summers while in high school, I worked as a server at a local private yacht club. It's the closest I ever came to an actual waitressing gig. The thing I remember most about the job? The handfuls of free dinner mints we ate. Constantly.

This morning on the way to work, I remembered this one time a woman ordered a veggie burger. Clearly an omnivore, I asked her how she'd like her veggie burger cooked.

She scoffed and was rude and I fumbled and blushed and muttered some sort of apology and walked away terribly embarrassed. Ok, so it was a stupid question. At the time, I'd never eaten a veggie burger.

Today, I thought about that exchange and giggled.

I'm not really sure why I'm writing about it now. It's probably funnier to me than it will be to you. But it made me LOL on the way to work and I thought I'd share.

So there.

If such a thing even exists: The Swimsuit Edition

To the bikini-clad farmer's market shoppers. Both of you:
Seriously? You're at a farmer's market wearing a two piece bathing suit. In public. Around other people. Not at a beach. You're shopping for farm fresh produce, totally straight-faced, wearing a bikini. This may come as a surprise, but shirts are not painful. Neither are pants. I know you're in high school and you're currently enjoying spring break. But tone down the celebration. For the sake of the kids. Perhaps you should press the reset button on your confidence meter, if such a thing even exists...

If such a thing even exists...

To the man in front of me in line at the grocery store:
Excuse me, sir. Why are you buying 4 trays of pre-made deviled eggs? I do hope you plan to share with others. I notice that you're also purchasing burger buns. One can only hope you're headed to a Monday evening cookout, if such a thing even exists.

To the woman wearing all black, cradling a fluffy white dog:
Did you know that dog is not, in fact, an infant? So there's really no reason to cradle it so gently whilst swaying back and forth while talking to the neighbors? Also, you're wearing all black. I do hope you own an industrial strength lint brush, if such a thing even exists.

#30

I told myself "if he asks, you have to say yes." I certainly wasn't going to suggest we stop. We did, after all, have MANY miles to go before we slept. So I left it up to the cosmos...and the guy driving the car.

As it appeared on the horizon I waited for the question. I didn't have to wait long.

"Should we stop?" he asked.

I felt butterflies in my stomach. Remaining true to the promise I'd made myself, my answer came quickly.

"Yes."

So we did.



We were there for approximately 6.7 minutes. The mass of people, the cluttered aisles, and the overpowering smell of funnel cakes did us in before we even began. But we stopped.

I missed THE LIST deadline by several weeks. But we stopped.

I didn't buy a momento of my visit as I'd planned to do. But we stopped.

Better late than never?

In my defense, the 2nd grader was a team captain.

In case you were wondering, no. The sting of being picked last for teams does not fade with age. How do I know? Glad you asked. Because this afternoon on the playground at church, I was picked last for teams of tag. My competition? A bunch of 4th graders. And one second grader.

I have reasoned that I was picked last because I was wearing flip flops, thereby clearly reducing my traction and my ability to "slice-and-dice" if you know what I mean.

Next week, I shall wear tennis shoes and hope for a more favorable outcome.

Running headlong into a Peeve

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you've no doubt become acutely aware that I have many a Pet Peeve. Some of those Peeves include:

- large crowds
- port-o-potties
- being stuck in traffic
- lack of parking
- early mornings
- long lines
- fanny packs

I'm setting myself up for failure in a major way. Tomorrow, all the Peeves listed above will converge, and at the center of the convergence? Poor, defenseless, totally Peeved...me.

You see, dear readers, tomorrow I will be participating in my first road race since 4th grade. But not just any road race. Oh, no. I'm going big, people. It's the Cooper River Bridge Run, ya'll.

40,000 of my closest friends, including my dad and Jeremy. Those two have been unknowingly charged with keeping me calm in the midst of this Peeve storm.

I've never done the Bridge Run before, despite living in Charleston for more than 9 years. You see, in past years, I've been ensconced in a whole different Peeve Storm: the Family Circle Cup. But I no longer have that excuse to hide behind, so I've decided to exchange one Peeve for another.

I've already begun the personal pep talks: Elizabeth, it's supposed to be fun. Just relax. Enjoy the experience. It's a community event, after all. People travel for miles every year to participate in this race. Just relax. It's not a contest...wait...it kind of is. But still. Just take a deep breath and enjoy it.

I hear the race packets include a coupon to Chic-fil-a. Maybe I'll just focus on that. My own personal finish line, if you will.

But I swear, the first fanny pack I see...