A day in the life

I thought it might be funny someday to look back on what a typical day is like with Owen, who is currently 7 months old.  Now that the fog of the early days/months is starting to lift a little, I would really love to be able to remember what life was like when he was 3 months old, or 3 weeks old.  But I was so busy surviving I didn't record it.  I do remember repeating over and over to Owen "I'm ok.  You're ok.  We're all ok."  Sometimes to calm him, sometimes to calm myself, sometimes because I really looked forward to the day that I could say it and mean it.

And now, ladies and gentleman, I mean it.  And without any further melodrama, I present to you in word and picture, the events of Friday, March 14, 2014.  Owen, 7-months.  Me, 34-years.  Let's see who wins, shall we?

I should start by saying that I am working part time these days, 3-days a week (usually Mondays, Wednesdays, and Sundays).  So, as is typical, it was a Friday at home with Owen.  1-on-1.  Let's begin:

6:48am: Owen squeaks.  He's awake and slept through the WHOLE NIGHT.  7pm - almost 7am.  I rejoice quietly and creep across the hall to high five him and nurse him.

7:18am: Put Owen in his door frame jumper thing.  He loves it.  Time for coffee!

Please excuse the laundry in the background.  We'll get to it, I promise.

7:23am: Realize you've gotten distracted by laundry.  Actually get coffee.

7:31am: Eat an egg sandwich while watching Good Morning America.

Gourmet, no?

7:56am: Start a load of laundry.

7:58am: Restock diapers.

See the almost empty basket on the lower right of the peg board?  My life's work is to keep that thing full.

8:00am: Make a shopping list for a trip to Target!!!!

8:02am: Get interrupted by the dog, who needs to go wee.

Elsie the dog needs a doggy door.

8:18am: Fold laundry.  Move Owen to the floor because he LOVES to watch laundry being folded.  Odd child.

8:24am: Smell the unmistakable smell of baby poop.  Diaper change.  Ew.

8:28am: Back to folding laundry.

8:42am: Practice some good old fashion sitting.  He's getting pretty sturdy!

Please take a moment to note the flip flop in the background of this picture.
It will become a MAJOR player in about 8 minutes...

8:50am: move laundry to the dryer, start a new load.  Return to the living room to find Owen chewing on his father's flip flop.  Gasp and gag.  Can you boil a child's mouth?  No?  Sigh.

8:55am: Put Owen down for nap #1 because it's fun to get yelled and cried at.

9:02am: Owen still crying, go in his room for some butt patting (his, not mine) and shushing.

9:04am: Realize that your presence in his room is only adding fuel to the fire. Retreat!  Retreat!

9:09am: He's asleep!

9:10am: Clean the kitchen.  I can't even believe I'm about to do this, but here's a picture of my dirty kitchen.

I can't even believe I'm sharing this picture.

9:30am: Decide to fire the dish washer fairy, who loaded the dish washer full of dirty dishes but did not start it?  Operation Clean Kitchen is 50% complete.

9:32am: Fold laundry.

9:59am: Begin primping.  Realize I forgot to take a shower the night before.  Sigh.  Brush teeth, wash face, deo, mascara, pony tail.

10:02am: Primping done.

10:06am: Decide to get dressed.  Check the weather.  High of 64*.  Mom jeans it is.

10:07am: The Beast Has Awoken (Jeremy and I say this every time Owen wakes up.  Then, we giggle.  Join us, won't you?).  One of Owen's super powers is his ability to wake up almost exactly one hour after he falls asleep for a nap.  It used to frustrate me, but now I've decided to find it charming.  I'm still working on that.

Hi.  My name is Owen.  My internal clock will astound you.

10:12am: Solid meal #1.

10:30am: Meal finished.  Leave Owen in his high chair while I resume the fight with the mom jeans.

10:37am: Finish dressing.  Realize I'm wearing all black.  Johnny Cash Friday?  Maybe I'll wear my yellow coat to compensate.

Can't even believe I'm posting a selfie.  Also, do not adjust your computer screen.  Those smudges you see are on the mirror, not on your computer.  They are Owen's finger prints and I can't bring myself to windex them away.  Getoffmyback.

10:48am: Out the door to Target.

11:07am: Arrive at Target.  Harps play and angels sing.  My happy place.

Owen, enjoying the harps and angels.

11:44am: Depart Target.  Good times, good times.

This basketball was definitely NOT on the shopping list, but Owen asked nicely.

12:02pm: Arrive home.

12:07pm: Diaper change (him, not me), nurse.

12:31pm: Nap (this time he goes down without a fight)

12:38pm: Realize I'm hungry enough to eat an actual human arm.  Settle for a turkey sandwich instead.

Mmmmmmm...

12:43pm: Resume watching "20 Feet From Stardom", the Oscar winner for Best Documentary.  I started watching it the night before but didn't finish.  I love a documentary.  This one is pretty good.

1:24pm.  Feeling very drowsy.  Decide to lay down until Owen wakes up.  I know this is a mistake, but I do it anyway.

1:41pm:  The Beast Has Awoken.  I feel like someone punched me in the stomach.  A 17-minute nap is an insult

1:49: Let the dog out (who? who? who who?)

1:52pm: Solid meal #2.

2:09pm: Owen spits up a startling amount of sweet potatoes.  I guess he's full?  Meal over.

2:46pm: Go for an afternoon walk.

3:21pm: Return from the walk.

3:30pm: Diaper change and nurse.

4:02pm:  Time for a bath (him, not me).  Time for a bath?  Ugh.  Decide to watch Ellen instead.

4:14pm: Time for a bath (him, not me).  Embark on 10 minutes of what feels like wrestling a greased pig.  Not sure what Owen's goal was.  I think he was hell-bent on wiggling all around to stick his entire head all the way under the faucet of running water?  I was literally out of breath when it was over.  Literally.

See that crazy look in his eye?  He was strategizing.

4:26pm: Bath over, mercifully.

4:27pm: Attempt week 31 picture.  I try to take a weekly picture of Owen in his crib with his sock monkey friend.  I've missed 3 weeks over the span of his life.  Today was tough.  Most of the shots I got looked like this:

Very lady-like, Owen.

4:33pm: To the living room.  Owen rolls around on the floor while I have a snack.

Also, wardrobe change!  And mama needs a pedicure.

*Apparently I lost the ability to take pictures from this point forward.*

4:51pm: Read stories (aka: chew on the books, depending on who you ask).

5:02pm: Down for a short cat nap (this one usually lasts for about 30 minutes).

5:39pm: The Beast Has Awoken (see?  I told you).  Jeremy arrives home from work.

5:42pm: Solid meal #3.

6:14pm: Meal over.  Start on adult dinner.  Having left overs!  How exciting!  Warm them up.

6:47pm: Jeremy puts Owen to bed.  I finish "making" dinner.  We eat.

(enter into some sort of time warp at this point.  We ate dinner, watched TV?  Entered the 5th dimension, unawares?)

8:01pm: Shower.  Finally.  Get distracted by the dirty kitchen.  Half-heartedly attempt to clean it.  Give up.

8:09pm: Shower.  Finally.

8:35pm: Out of the shower.  Teeth brushed (did I do that this morning?), realize there are 4 things that must be done before I can go to bed: fold one more load of laundry, nurse Owen, clean the kitchen, and unload the Target purchases from the car.

9:36pm: Go to bed.  Did everything on the list except clean the darn kitchen.  Ew.

4:25am:  (Yes.  AM as in "the morning".)  Owen cries.  Why does he cry?  Is he offended by the dirty kitchen?  I am.

4:51am: Owen still crying.  I go in his room to ask him why in the world he's crying.  He won't answer me.  I try patting and shushing.  No luck.  Change his diaper by the dim light of a night light.  Consider petitioning the International Olympic Committee to include this activity as a competition in the Rio games.  I would dominate.  Try more patting and shushing.

5:01am: I give up, limp back to bed.

5:12am: Jeremy puts on his body armor and goes in.  They rustle and tussle and negotiate.

5:49am: Owen falls back asleep.

7:16am: The Beast Has Awoken (now that I'm viewing that statement in print, I'm not sure it's grammatically correct?  Oh, dear.)

Rinse and repeat...