YOLO

Bayangkanlah bila aku tak lagi menjadi kekasihmu,
Bayangkanlah bila bumi tak mampu lagi berputar,
Bayangkanlah bila aku terpisah jauh darimu,
Bayangkanlah bila mentari tak mampu lagi menyinari dunia?

Dengarlah duhai kekasih,
Hidup tak selamanya indah.

That Unpaid Year

It has been more than 12 months, since I was told to go on my unpaid leave. I didn't see it coming, the same way nobody saw the oil crisis coming either. Luckily, I was already planning to take an extended leave right after delivery. So glad that I had been saving up in 2015 for that extended maternity, it was literally the one thing that kept me afloat (me and three other boys).

I didn't write much about it, cause I had mixed feelings. Mainly felt perplexed towards those who were more nosy rather than sincerely concerned about me and the family. Those guys, really. 

I can't start to say how blessed I feel. It is such a loosely used term nowadays that everything goes with that hashtag - blessed. 

Anyways, 12 or more months of no pay, working with what I've got, and I can say I think I did OK. With almost no money to bring into the new year, I am safe, healthy, the kids are doing OK. There is nothing lacking in my basic needs... speaking of which, I have unconsciously adapted a more minimalism approach towards life, and living.  By minimalism, I don't mean throwing everything away and only keeping the sofa. I mean to live life a lot simpler, without the need to buy so many things, and to appreciate the smallest things in life. 

I am excited to write more about my whole approach on minimalism living, and can't wait to put it to use in 2017!

Our golden hour

I can't say that 5 years together officially has taken its toll on us. It seems like I have all this time on my hand and gently, I let the small things go, the annoying habits tucked away, like the hair behind my ears. Occasionally, they too fall, and the hand is quick to slide them back in its place.

There is never knowing what you will get with marriage, or the man you have beside you. But it is important to master communications, with guys its best to just spell it out loud - minus the attitude. What works for me, might not work for you, but you need to find that one thing that you both can go back to when things get rough. 

I seem to get caught in the whirlwind of heart felt issues that my friends themselves are facing - I need to find the name or word for that, surely I can't be the only one who suffers this ailment. The heart ache of trying to settle down, or settling down again for the second time, and the emotional ride of not being able to make yourself be noticed by your partner. Always always gets me thinking far too much at times. 

That night I texted F.

The old you, the old me, I hope they were nice people, cause I can't remember.

We always make an effort to sneak out just the 2 of us, and we'd leave the kids behind. That way I know he is with all of me (my attention) and that I am too. The hour we spend, doing the most simplest of things, makes me the happiest. I know he hardly feels the same, but it does not matter anymore, because I'm just stoked he still enjoys holding hands.

So no, there is no right answer, to any of the heart felt predicaments. And just like anything you want to succeed in life with, marriage tops the difficulty list, along with parenthood. I read a study that the key to effective teamwork is being nice. Sounds so easy that its almost impossible not to be a team player.

Story telling

I was never ready, for such noise. I didn't think it through, as most of it wasn't left up to me.

My world has turned upside down and right side up again, all in 1 cycle. I had you, rested, and had the privilege of not continuing work due to the current turn of events. And then there is no work. None.

Positive light, that I must find, came to me a bit later, and only after I had outbursts and fits as my logic made more sense of how I shall cope on how we were supposed to make ends meet. 

It hurts the most, when those closest to you laugh at you as if you were joking when you said times are tough. 

If only they knew.