Its been too long... Too long since I've let my heart out...

I've been keeping myself busy flying, solely to avoid the world. But at the same time, I want the attention, I want the love, I still want to feel wanted. I've been so disconnected from everything, from people I call friends to even work. I can't even put myself to welcome my first passenger. Its sad. But every time I get on the little Firefly plane and watch the pass a huge B777 or our A380 planes, i am thankful. Thankful that I was given the opportunity to be able to be a part of it.

Looking back at this year and a half in all honesty, doesn't really make me smile. Maybe I'm not being grateful, maybe all I'm focusing is the negative, maybe, maybe something isn't just right. It started out right, but so far, the ending just doesn't look right. I'm so excited about leaving for New York probably in mid-July. I'm gonna miss traveling as much as I do now, but the other nonsense just needs to stop.

I've grown so much. But yet, I feel like a child. Still very lost and left alone. Have I been feeling this way all the while you ask? Yes, probably. Why? Because I have yet to see my full potential. I can't wait to burst out in energy. Sigh.

Why is this post turning so bad~

My last few days of the year is just hell packed. From Milan to New York and back to KL then to Sydney and Taipei and then I rush back to KL on New Year's eve just to spend it back home before I rush back to Singapore. I hope I find myself in all of these.

I hope I find it. I do.

-jOhN "rants" LiM-

Spain. Madrid-Valencia-Barcelona.

If only life has it's escape plans all routed out for you :) I'm flying the world to run away from what I can't face. I'm afraid to face myself when all I'm left is me, alone.

Me.

-jOhN "unknown" LiM-

on another note, I will be going to Milan, Italy soon and then to New York :) I can't wait for that. I hope to see you, really soon.

Sigh.

I'm tired. Really am. I want to sleep forever and never wake up to this nightmare. I wished I never had me to begin with. Delete me, would you?

-jOhN "disappears" LiM-

I don't want to close my eyes. Because whenever I do, I think of You. Sigh.

I will stay with You, through the ups and downs.
I will stay with You when no one seems to be around.
I know each day will get better with You

Would You be my Safe Room?
When You told me today, that You'll be there... You'd shattered my dreams. You shattered my hopes for Us. A union I'd thought that would be. Would You just let me go through the whole denial phase that'll eventually turn to anger and then negotiation to resentment and finally acceptance.

I walked aimlessly today as I left. I could not look up. I really couldn't. I was sitting in-front of a future, but it slammed shut the door in my face.

Someday, I'll see the whole truth in this. The fondness You talk about? I guess you weren't too fond of me after all. I'll get it right someday. I hope you are thinking of me as I am thinking of You now. I think of You all the time. When I was in the deserts of Dubai, when I was at the Pyramids of Giza, when I was in the blistering cold of the Russian winds, when I was joyfully shopping in Houston, when I looked on the house I wanted in Amsterdam, when I boarded the train to meet you this afternoon, when I took the lift up with You. When I starred into Your eyes as you said, No.

You said, "No." Then You had those eyebrows. Those that melted my heart. Those that spoke a million. Those that killed me, bit by bit. You told me You wanted to tell me its all going to be okey, but you know it won't, don't you?... You know it so well.

But I know You had the best in mind. You, of all people, I trust. You, with that smile. You, with that heart. You, with that maturity and mind. Thank You is all I can say. This is to You. Only You.

-jOhN "ph" LiM-

American breakfast! ^^ Watch me grow fat when I leave for New York next year if I continue eating like this.. hahahaha.....

First 9 days in Dubai and Cairo, then immediately 12 days in Moscow and Houston.... a flight well enjoyed with angels and of course my batchgirl, Sabrina who made this flight a much better one. Note: It was my forth time doing this dreadfully long flight.

Next up, AMSTERDAM tonight!! Weeeeeeeee~~~~ then.... HOLIDAY for a week in SPAIN!! WEEEEEEEE.... Barcelona, Madrid, Valencia, Here I COME!!!!!!!!!! wooooooo!! ;)

-jOhN "travels before he dies" LiM-

The flight that was :) great friendships formed, bonds built and laughters shared. Cheers to the one of the many Wonders of the World. Truly a Wonder and Beauty. Thank You God for bringing such opportunities. <3

-jOhN "sand in his shoes" LiM-