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So I've always wondered why people start these life blogs, or how they even have the time to do them. Now I know. I need to do this. It's like free therapy. I can rant or rave and no one can stop me. What I need now is the opportunity to be mad, to cry, to be grateful, to scream, and to heal. I can't say how often I'll write, especially with all that's going on, but I believe it's important for me to do this. I have thought for days whether I would use names while sharing these stories. I don't want to leave anyone out. I don't intend to offend anyone. It actually impossible for me to remember everyone who has blessed our lives these last few days. Since I write this for my benefit, I've decided to share a few that stand out.
There is so much in or on my mind right now. I'm beyond sad that Emalee has to go through this all. I feel so helpless that I was unable to protect her. I'm extremely angry at the vial waste of air who caused this. I'm frustrated with the petty politics that our medical providers have plauged us with. So many emotions, yet the strongest, and healthiest, is that I am full of gratitude; beyond discription, for the love and support from our church and work families. The emotion we continue to feel now from so many.
Never could I have imagined the pain I would have to endure when I helplessly stood there watching as my beautiful Emalee sat trapped in that mangled mess of metal. I save people for a living yet was unable to do anything for her. No matter what the emotion I felt at that time, it comes no where close to the emotion I now experience. An emotion we were exposed to almost immediately. The emotion of gratitude, of support, of love. The emotion I felt at arguably one of the lowest point in my life, as I prayed in my heart for help and comfort, then looked up and saw our dear friend Rob Mower walking toward me. No matter how many accidents I've been to in my 20 years in law enforcement, nothing prepares you for seeing your own daughter trapped in a car. I was beside myself, literally. I could not believe it was true. I was inadequate to handle what was before me. I needed help. And there he was, sent from Heavenly Father Himself to provide that help, but most importantly to help provide the Preisthood Blessing I believed was more important that any medical treatment. Heather was there for Alli too. Thank you Mowers for being there for us.
The next day was Sunday, and unfortunately, we were unable to go to church. Our church family is very important to us. We basically took over the lobby, since Emalee wasn't suppose to have visitors, as our church family came to visit. So many people came to show their support. We have also been so blessed to have this extended family bringing in food and taking care of Maryn and Natey.
I have always loved working for the LAPD and loved the people I work with. The Department has always been so good to me, and people I've met have gone far beyond just being work companions, they are true friends. Lisa and Claudia, two of the officers who currently work for me, went to the house and stocked it full of food. They then brought food to the hospital. Then yesterday, they forced upon me an envelope full of assistance from the LAPD family I currently work with. It was definetly full of true love. Then Pete, on late notice, while already on overtime, brings us dinner. I was, and continue to be, so full of gratitude. I will never be able to express this gratitude. Never be able to express my feeling adequately. I'll never be able to tell them how thankful I truly am. Thank you all for everything.
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