I thought it was time for a post about baby seeing as how I'm 26 weeks already and haven't given a single update.
We skipped the opportunity to find out if we get to start buying all things pink at our 20 week ultrasound. Let's face it, we're quite certain baby has boy parts. No, not because the tech slipped or we for sure saw anything on the ultrasound; we are sure it's a boy because we don't know anything else! And it's going to be a boy, of course, because naming a 4th boy seems daunting to us. I went through an entire baby name book and disliked every single one I read. And the name I thought I liked is kind of making me gag at the thought of actually calling a child by that name forever. We're taking nominations--and at this point if you pay me enough money I might just take yours and be done with it :)
At the 20 week ultrasound we did get some alarming news--the baby's heart rate was abnormally low in the doctor's opinion. Because of some complications with blood work from me after Gabe's delivery (combined with a clotty placenta at his birth) I had been referred to a Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor this time around. When the doctor heard Gabe had been diagnosed at birth with LQT he went into a panicked frenzy in front of me. I was completely caught off guard and not sure how to respond, seeing as how this wasn't a concern in my mind since this was not why I had been referred to this doc AND because Gabe
does not have LQT anymore. Needless to say, the doctor insisted on an as-immediate-as-possible Echocardiogram of the baby's heart and added a slue of appointments to my itinerary.
The last 6 weeks have been hard, there's no other way to describe it. I was greeted harshly with the reality that because of our experience with Gabe and his precious little heart, no pregnancy would ever be treated lightly again. I have spent many mornings in doctors offices of many kinds listening to one disheartening blow to reality after another. First it was the office of the doc performing the echo. This doc does a lot of research and we have been contact with her multiple times since Gabe was born. I wasn't prepared to walk into her office that day and have her tell me that Gabe surely still has something going on inside of him even though he doesn't have LQT. (By the way, we don't agree with that but it's hard to hear doctors say unfounded things like that and not take them at their word since they are, after all, doctors.) I reminded her that I was there to talk about the NEW baby and not Gabe and she got back on track. She advised us to participate in a biomagnetism research study in Wisconsin that could determine even now if baby has LQT or not. We are still discussing this option.
Following that appointment, my midwives labeled me as "High Risk" and decided they were no longer willing to see me. This was another shocking blow. When I delivered Elliott and Gabe at our hospital, I happened to have the same nurse both times and I loved her. She was in the process of becoming a midwife. When we found out I was pregnant with this baby I decided to switch to her practice and have loved it. My reason for switching had nothing to do with my previous OBGYN. So my sweet midwife delivered the news a few weeks ago and I was crushed. I didn't want to switch to the OBs in her practice that I didn't know. I was unsure how it would work to switch back to my old OB given the number of specialists I have been seeing and not knowing if they work together or not.
It just seemed liked there was more harrowing news at every appointment. The baby's heartrate continued to be low (120bpm) at each appointment and all anyone ever talked about was that the baby probably had LQT. I had to keep reminding myself, "All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness." Psalm 25:10. All of them. But I kept wondering, "Can't there be some other reason why a baby has a low heart rate while still in utero? Why isn't anyone even considering these other options?" Googling turned out to be about as helpful (or not!) as ever when you're wondering about medical situations. I quickly had to abandon my search or I thought I might send myself into a panic.
These past few weeks I have been fearful of what is to come and trusting that God is already there. I have been rejoicing that God is knitting this baby together in my womb FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY and I have been agonizing over walking the same road we've walked before. I have been asking God for a miracle knowing that he does heal and have ashamedly doubted that He would choose to heal another baby of ours if it were born with LQT. I have been panicky when I don't feel the baby move for a while and rejoiced (in an odd way!) when I feel the baby tap dance on my bladder! Some moments I wonder if the baby will even be born alive and other moments I imagine dressing a little girl in tights and sparkly mary janes.
Today greeted me with refreshment as I visited the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctors again. I got to see my baby's sweet face on ultrasound again, a treat that I get to enjoy frequently throughout this pregnancy due to all of the extra hype! And God was so kind to give me a different doctor with a less-panicky opinion of the situation. He thought all of the panic was unfounded, due to the fact that Gabe does not have LQT. He thought the heart rate was low, but not dangerous or questionable. He took his time to get ALL of the details of my history (and Gabe's) down and basically concluded everyone was making a big deal of nothing. He explained to me some other situations why a baby could have a low heart rate but quickly said that none of those were possibilities because he was looking at the heart on the ultrasound and it was pumping beautifully. He encouraged me--actually said he'd prefer me--to stay with the midwives (if they'd keep me!) boasting that they were "very intelligent women." And he decided that there was no reason for me to keep coming back to the MFMs so often. His final thought was, "I want to see you again in 6 weeks. But not because I'm concerned about the baby's heart. I want to see you back because you have HUGE babies." Ha! That was music to my ears.
I was so grateful that he had listened. I was so pleased that he had an informed understanding of LQT. I was blessed by his peaceful and spunky demeanor. And I was reminded again that I could easily hope in his opinion because I like it. But that my ultimate hope and satisfaction are in Jesus alone.
The reality is that I don't know if this baby will have LQT or not when it is born. Neither do any of the doctors. God alone does! But I am thankful that it seems like the reality of the next 14 weeks are a little less doctor-filled and panic-inducing than they seemed like they were going to when I woke up this morning. I'm thankful that I get to enjoy this precious baby face today while trusting my God to uphold his little heart!
(By the way, we would LOVE your prayers that this baby would indeed be born with a normal QT interval!)
