The Barua Family

I remember having a friend with a five-year-old and I remember thinking that sounded so old. Now that Crosby's turned five I am sitting over here in disbelief at where the time has gone. I am "that Mom" now. Ready to scream out loud: "My baby!!"

Crosby... here you are in all of your

happy glory. You have always been

such a pleasant boy!

You are a huge Oscar's Oasis fan. You are already reading and I cannot believe it. You love to dance around and have been longing to watch "Dancing in the Stars" once again with me, so thank goodness the new season just started! You don't sit there and watch it like I do, though, you get up and dance your heart out. And what will I do when you don't ask for a Happy Meal at "Old McDonald's" anymore?

We told you this year that you couldn't have a

friend party but your cousins were in town so

they helped make your pirate party fun... you

saw a treasure map and from then on wanted

a pirate party. You even started making your

own treasure map invitations and stuck them in

Coke bottles.

Nan let you design your own cake on a piece

of paper and then carry out the plan! You

decorated your own birthday cake, buried

treasure M&Ms and all.

These were pretty much the partygoers, you

played pin the patch on the skele-pirate.

Up til now, this has been your ride.

For your birthday present Nan and

Grandpa took you on a special outing

to find you a...

NEW BIKE!! You have been loving

practicing riding it in parking lots and

then we've walked to Harmon's with

you on your bike, Mom carrying Griff

in the Bjorn while pulling Jig in the

wagon. Good times!

Your favorite color is still blue.

Legos have been a new passion of yours lately!

You got several Lego sets for your birthday...

from Mom and Dad, Nan, Eden and Milo, and

Munga gave you this awesome space shuttle one.

We are seriously impressed to see some of the

Lego creations you've come up with. This

was one of the first ones you ever did, but

since then they've only become more

intricate and complicated and... cool!

Already you've logged many Lego hours.

Imagine if we tallied them between you

and your brothers over the next 10 years!

Not only are you imaginative with

your Lego lifestyle, but I'm not

surprised if you come around the

corner in a getup like this. To you

there is functionality in everything

and it's so awesome! Too bad

I forgot exactly how you described

the different components of this

getup, but I do remember that

the deflated beach ball is your

shield and your homemade gold

medal and pirate patch had

specific "powers."

You love playing Angry Birds Space

on Dad's phone. A little too much ;)

You are sensitive. Beth has been so

sick and we have all worried about

her a lot. You made her a get well

picture and we took it to her at the

hospital and you remember her in

every prayer you say, asking that

she will be blessed to be healthy.

You are always silly! You make dinnertime

pretty entertaining with the colorful

conversations, crazy noises and dances.

Tonight you were eating some Great

Harvest bread and you said, "Mmm

this is so good I could sleep with it for

a stuffed animal!"

So far, you like going to church.

You have fun being with your

friends and teachers there.

You call it "church day" and you

always look so handsome.

What a wonderful big brother you

are, Croz. You have a natural love

for Griffin (babies). The other day

he was on the floor on his play mat

and you slid him out of the way of

where you and Jig were playing

trains so he didn't have any chance

of getting hit by a flying train. You

"entertain" Griff until I can get to

him and you give him kisses on

the forehead for no reason.

He loves you and is already

listening to every word you say!

You and Jig. What a team you two

are! Yes you fight. But yes you

also get along. Jig does and says

everything you do and say. Except

for popsicles I guess... you like

chocolate and he likes orange. But

you guys are very good friends

most of the time!

We love you... Happy Five Years Old!

Love, Mom and Dad

My due date was January 13, 2013, but I had a real hunch that our baby would come early. Like two weeks or more early. I just felt more progressed in this pregnancy than the other two. Everything was sore sooner; everything just happened sooner. I had my mind made up. So once Christmas hit and no baby I was thrown into physical, mental, and emotional AGONY! Our whole household got the curse of the dreaded flu and we each had our own weird strain of it. Poor Croz and Jig were sick for days. D was the last one to get it. And I got it worst of all. Mega sinus pain, 100% clogged nose, sore throat, and a cough from hell. It was the naggiest, longest-lasting cough of my life! It's a trip to cough forcefully for days/nights on end at 39 weeks pregnant. Towards the end we'd be lying in bed and D was literally holding my huge belly in because it hurt so so bad to cough! I was scared outta my mind to give birth: #1 How would I get the baby here if I couldn't breathe a decent breath? I planned to do it natural again but not if I couldn't breathe right. #2 Once I got the baby here, how would I not get him sick? D was in the midst of his "on" week at work and so my sweet parents pitched in big-time to help me through those last few nights when it was really difficult to care for the boys and myself while sick. I went to their place and rested while they fed the boys dinner and played. They pulled us through!

So. We made it to Sunday January 6th. I was

having lots of cramping and had spotted that

morning; it confirmed what I had been feeling for

days on end. He was coming REALLY soon now! I

was having inconsistent contractions and even though

we were all still sick and grumpy, I told D we are

getting out of this house and going up the canyon

where the air's clear. So we threw snow clothes on

the boys and hauled up Little Cottonwood.

There was no great place to let them dig in the

snow so we stopped off the side of the road in

some crusty dirty snow and let them have at it.

I guess this was my last attempt at trying to do

something fun as a family before our new big

change. Also I knew the baby was on his way and

I kicked into a very strange sort of denial mode;

this couldn't finally be happening! Standing there

in the snow I could just feel how close I was getting

to having the baby - something was really brewin'.

D had to get to work that afternoon so we forced

two very unhappy-to-leave boys into the van and

started back down the canyon. I was having

contractions on and off the whole way down.

Once again it was just me and the boys, so once again (I think 4th night in a row) I hauled them up to my parents' house. My dad kept the boys entertained while I laid on the bed just talking to my mom, trying to keep my mind off of things. For days I had told her "I think it's happening soon," but NADA. So I tried not to let on that I really REALLY think it's happening soon and we just had a nice talk. I pushed through the cramps/contractions and got us all home and in bed somehow. 10:15 pm on the dot is when I can say true labor began! Things started out 14 minutes apart. I was in such serious denial because last time when I delivered Lennox naturally it was not necessarily on purpose. Because labor with Crosby was a 72-hour ordeal and I got turned away from the hospital twice, I vowed for that to never happen again so with Jig I toughed labor out at home. Got to the hospital dilated to a 9. It hurt like no other HELL I've experienced but I promised myself I would do it all again. When it's a relatively short hell it is achievable but none of that 72-hour stuff! So this time I was trying so hard to have no fear but as true labor started I remembered real fast how much of a warrior mode you have to be in to make it happen and I was dying from pulled muscles from that cough. Still generally just feeling unwell. Not really being able to breathe through my nose. I knew there was no turning back though, c'mon you know you can do it. D works til 1:30 am and so with him still being at work and contractions coming harder I gave him a call around 1 am to say get your keister home! I heard him pull into the driveway soon after that. I was having those squeezing, slicing kind of contractions down lower than low and they were probably 9 minutes apart but having done this before I knew the worst was yet to come. Dr. Macy had said don't stay home, get to the hospital when they're 7-8 minutes apart. Here again was my strange denial mode: half-genuine, half self-inflicted. D's vote was let's go and my vote was nope I'm staying home a little longer. A little part of me knew that if I went to the hospital I wouldn't be able to labor the way I needed to in order to get through it in my own way, i.e. standing/moving around/having things at just the right height to lean against. It was nearing 2 am and we're laying in bed watching Arrested Development on his phone, him behind me with the phone in front of my face. He kept drifting off so his phone kept falling into my face. Being wide awake and in labor you can imagine how long that lasted. I was just a little scared because I knew now I was on my own for the real push (no pun intended ;). I let D roll into dreamland for a while. It was probably 2:30 or so and by now I was needing to squeeze onto something during contractions, like putting my hand in between the mattress or hanging on for dear life to the bed rail. Something firm. A pillow or a person didn't do the trick. Running back and forth to the bathroom, getting kinda cleaned out (that happened with Lennox too) and bracing myself using the towel bar, oh grrrrrrr. Then things got kicked up another notch to where I couldn't lie down; had to be standing. For each contraction I would lay my head into the crook of my folded arms, leaning against my dresser. This is the no turning back stage and I knew it and so I let fear start to creep in... Why didn't I get to the hospital the second D got home? Get an epidural and I'd be sailin' smooth right now???! What was I THINKING? Nope, just breathe through the next one. It is such a dark place to visit at the end. You wanna turn back so bad. But that fear is the enemy in this situation; you have to warrior through it with no fear and no expectations! I was dying... started to shake and sweat... called my mom to come down to be with the boys around 3:30 and could barely talk. All of my junk for the hospital was still just sitting on the floor. I woke D up, pointed to the stuff, told him to get it all in the car and let's go. I have to squeeze my legs together during contractions and during those last few at home I could have sworn the baby's head was keeping me from squeezing my legs as tight as I needed to. I was a little concerned at that point that I might be delivering a baby en route to the hospital so away we went as my mom looks me in the eye all fierce saying, "Epidural's always an option," and oh wow the ride to the hospital HURT like HELL!!! When I could muster some kind of breath in between contractions and D slowed to a semi-stop at a red light I said, "RUN IT." I don't think my butt touched the seat the entire ride; that head was right there and it honestly felt like I'd squeeze his head out if I sat normal. It was subzero January temps, but I was in a swelter. Marched up to the checkin window and had a contraction at the counter, this time yelling in pain... got into a wheelchair, up in the elevator, got into a room and in a gown. D did just what I asked him to; he was a toned-down cheerleader. Silent most of the time while I went through it alone because for me there's not really any other way. Giving me shouts of "You can do this Lis!" here and there. Once I was *very uncomfortably* lying on the bed for nurse to check me, I really felt that sensation that the baby should have already been out. I needed to push him out. She checked me and didn't say a word, just left the room immediately... I was fully dilated and she came back saying Dr. Macy is rushing here but I need you to only breathe through each contraction, no pushing. Needless to say this part is the pinnacle of agony. I was over on my left side holding onto the bed rail for dear, dear life! My throat was so outrageously dry to breathe through. It's those short really fast breaths you have to take and it feels so unnatural because the baby's head is stinging out of you but isn't allowed to come out of you yet. I hated being confined to the bed but I wanted to make sure my baby was doing okay. They wouldn't let me stand. I can't believe how vocal I was this time. With Lennox I remember having several involuntary shouts come out and I was kinda embarrassed. This time there were MANY involuntary yells borderline screams coming out of me. I didn't care. I know it's because I should have already pushed him out and I was having to hold him in for too long. Dr. Macy showed up FAST and entered the room (as D described) "like a little Carol Burnett," clapped her hands together and said, "Let's have this baby." Funny timing. That afternoon she had just gotten home from a weeklong Hawaii trip. I'm so glad it worked out for her to deliver Griffin. So I was still on my left side and I had the baby just like that... on my side. D was lifting up my right leg and he said it was about 4 or 5 pushes. It is pain from another planet, but here is why I have been so lucky to give birth naturally: feeling every bit of that baby come out is an indescribable joy. It is the culmination of everything. It is the biggest relief I'll ever experience! Giving birth is a spiritual thing. I got one glimpse of him... that tiny body... and was totally overcome with gratitude. They gave him to me for just a minute. That warm, waxy body and those tiny lips... there is nothing like it in the world! My baby! D and I were overjoyed. He looked like a 50/50 combo of Crosby and Lennox to us! I guess we got to the hospital at about 4:20ish and he was born at 4:56. I honestly didn't mean to cut it that close. My true plan was I hope I can do natural again and I hope I can get there in plenty of time to #1 Ensure my babe is healthy #2 Get there in enough time to not have to hold the baby in. Oh well. That's our story and that's how it went. I better make it very clear though how incredibly thankful I am to have made it through, both of us, in one piece and totally healthy. I realize how fortunate I am. These babies are amazingly intuitive spirits from the beginning. So unique and so incredibly precious and sweet. Another note on going natural: the feeling afterward. So aware and with it and able to walk around after just an hour. It is sooooo nice afterwards! And just knowing the baby and I are med-free is a bonus.

Our Griffin. We had his name ready but of

course had to make sure he looked like a Griffin.

There wasn't a single hesitation!

This epitomizes how satisfied and happy I felt.

This epitomizes what a wild ride it was!

My man. The proud papa.

New baby Griffin! Getting his footprints

Hungry

Loving bathtime

Joy

Waving

Nan's first peek

Munga says hello

First family pic

Crosby and Jig are winking.

All of my boys in one spot.

Mom and Dad and Griffin

The Worthen clan. Becca's a

natural mommy.

My mom came the second day and we had

uninterrupted time to visit, catch up. She had

some great bonding time with Griff and it was

so wonderful to be with my mom!

She even brought me RubySnap cookies, I

was extremely happy!

My dear friend Mirjeta came and we had

some quiet time. Hmmm I must have a 2

and 4 year old. I cherish quiet time like

no other!

D and the boys came the second night and we

all ate dinner together, the boys were dancing,

we read books

Mr. Griff

Dad's job

The alone time with your baby in the hospital

is indescribable. Such a wonder at what just

happened and all it took to get him here. This

was our going home day and I just sat there

staring at him sleeping, still a little in

disbelief that he's finally here.

The love I feel for him is so strong; he's so sweet!

Here comes reality. D strolled Lennox in; he's

sitting in Griffin's seat with that look on his

face like he knows what's coming. And

there's Crosby, his normal happy self bouncing

around in the background.

Ready, set, go!

For each baby D has chosen a song

for them. For Crosby it was "Wind

Cries Mary," and I'll never forget

how he had it all set up to play on

the way home from the hospital.

For Lennox it was Joe Satriani's

"Starry Night."

This time with Griffin our family

was all piled in the van ready to

go home and I was brimming

over with emotion. D turned on

Toad the Wet Sprocket's "Brother"

for his song and I completely lost

it! I was a happy teary mess the

whole way home.

Beth held Griffin this night at my parents' for

over an hour! We were having Skype sessions

with Suman and Lindsay and Cam and Audrey

and she just held him by the fire the whole time.

Suman, Lindsay, Eden, and Milo came up the weekend
of 1/18 to meet baby Griff. Eden was soooo excited to
hold him and spend time with him, she kept brushing her hand over his head saying, "Oh I just love his hair!"