Tate Benjamin

Tate Benjamin 

June 11,2014 at 1:39 a.m.

6 lbs. 15 oz

19 inches

 proud mommy and daddy

 so excited to give him kisses

she loved him even though he wasn't a girl

This little boy... Oh how i love him. After i had Dallin and was done having kids (so i thought) I was happy with our family and everything fit. Then i got pregnant and had a miscarriage in May of 2013 and it rocked me to my core. I met with the Dr after we lost the baby to make sure everything was OK and to discuss what we wanted to do. I couldn't believe the emotions i felt as we talked about to have or not to have another baby, My Dr. said it was obvious i needed to think about it for a while and come back if needed. I went home still feeling i was done, fast forward 6 months and on Oct 16, Yep my birthday i found out i was pregnant again. i could not believe it. getting pregnant is not an easy thing for me and to get pregnant 2 in a year when it wasn't even being talked about as an option blew my mind. We decided to keep to to our selves till we made it to our first Dr. appointment which out it right around Christmas when we would tell our family. It was a hard few months of not feeling good but trying not to show it but we made it and surprised most of them, We didn't find out what we were having and couldn't wait for the baby to get here. It was a rough pregnancy with lots of bumps for me, never Tate he was always perfect nut it was hard. We made it to 38 weeks and our little man joined our family and he is the best addition ever. He is the happiest baby and really only cries when hes hungry or tired. his brother and sister adore him and he is a mamma's boy for sure. (not sure if that's because he loves me most or his dad can't really hold him) i can't imagine our family with out him

Perspective

WOW i have neglected this blog. I can't believe its been over a year.

Neglected is the definition of my life right now... SO many things have happened over the last year. Things i don't want to forget and others i wish i could. I'm going to work really hard to get some up dates up so i can remember the last year,

I never open up on my blog or any other social site about how things are going, not in detail anyway. Those site it seems are for showing the best versions of your life and I'm not one to want the attention and prying eyes but the last few nights i have been kept up with a running "blog post" if you will of how I'm feeling right how. So i made myself sit down and write it before i talked myself out of it.

Right now I'm sitting in a quite house as my boys sleep and Hadley's off at school. Most days even the few hours Haddy is gone aren't quite but today is. It must be for my sanity that the Lord made the boys sleep. Heaven knows i could use a break from our life right now! 

Moving to Boise was a decision that i stood by and was excited for.I thought it would help our family grow together and give Ben some perspective on things... Well its not gone the way i thought it would, there has been good and bad, things i knew would happen and things i had no clue could happen, but through it all i have learned a lot. This move was for me and me alone. It was to show me the things/people i need and want in my life. It has given me back some of my voice that i have lost over the last few years and helped me to see that its OK for me to not give in. To stand up for myself and the things i need, want, feel, and the things i don't. It has been hard. Watching my kids struggle to understand why we moved away from there family and friends and trying to help them build a life here when i don't know how long its for has not been easy and i hope it continues to get easier.

For the last 2 months Ben has been down on the floor with his back again and so we head in yet again for another MRI and most likely another surgery. People think that after 2 i should be a pro at handling that which is life when this happens but every time is harder and harder. This time around we live by no family. So i can't just send the kids off to grandma and grandpas or aunts and uncles so i can get rest, clean the house, run some errands, or go to Dr. things with Ben. this time we have a new little man in the family that like his brother doesn't get the love/attention from his dad that he needs, wants, and deserves because his dad cant hold him or walk with him. This time i dont' have an outlet to just go and do and forget for a few hours a week . Life sucks! I have taken on all responsibilities at home with no help and it couldn't be more overwhelming. 

I put a smile on my face and tell people its fine and that this is just how it goes when this happens but truth is I'm not fine. Its not OK. and I'm terrified of whats coming

This move and all the things that have happened since this move have given ,me perspective on where i am, where i want to be, and how i want to be. I love my family and grateful for my kids and the little spirits they have. I know they were sent to us when they were for a reason and i try to remember that everyday as the scream and fight with each other and get mad when things aren't going our way....

I pray that SOON we will know where were headed and be able to do it as one healthy family

SO SO SO SO brhind

seriously i am so behind with blogging... thats what happens when your laptop crashes and then your husband takes apart your pc... oh well i guess, here is a little preview from our family photos.. they got a little pushed back due to my photographer getting pregnant and being super sick but we finally got the done so YEAH!!! can't believe Dallin is 1 and Hadley is almost 5. Where does the time go..

Her Big Day

How has this school year already come to an end??? Hadley has absolutely LOVED school. She had the best teacher Mrs. Lamb and it made all the difference in her wanting to go. there was not one day that she wasn't excited and happy to go to school. She made lots of friends and i have to say they are some of the cutest little girls ever. She has learned so much and she is so excited to go back next year. I love my little smarty pants and am so glad she got her dads brain. I love that she loves to learn and that she is constantly using what she learned at school... Its going to be a long summer till school starts again....

 Hadley with her class

Hadley and one of her besties Eva

Birthday Boy

Wow I'm behind... I can't believe Dallin is 1... WHERE does the time go. This year has been the  hardest  we've ever had and this sweet little boy has brought us such joy and laughter despite all that's been going on. Ben was gone to Boise on Dallins birthday so we kept it really low key.. we went to lunch at Chick filla with family and then met up with lots of friends and played at the park... Dallin loved his cake, there as nothing left of it when he was done with it. Dallin is such a tender hearted little boy that loves to give hugs and has become such a snuggler.  he loves to be outside and wants to do everything his big sister is doing.. He's still not talking as much as Hadley was but her says

• Ha- Hadley
• mama
• Dada 
• papa
• pup
• hot
• uh oh
• Dallin
• yes

Easter Easter

We had a great Easter this year. Casi moved back from Louisiana just in time to join in on the fun and Lisa and Brent and kids we here to! We started out by meeting up in Layton for some good old Red Robin and then my mom was nice enough to take my kids home so Ben and I could go to SLC and see my friend Carly be sealed to her cutest little boy Jayden. We finished the night off with Easter egg dying with Kool-Aid,, thank you pinterest. Sunday we went to my parents church with all the family then headed over to there house for more food and fun. we had lots of laughs and the kids loved the Easter egg hunt.

 

All the kiddies... Finley has FINALLY got over her fear of uncle Ben..

Dallin only needed his bucket and one egg and her was set 

this little one was so excited she could hardly hold still for a picture

trying to get him to show me his egg

look mom

there's more????

 oh I like this

favorite uncle Jess

 look at all the eggs



The perfect Christmas... almost

Maybe someday we will have the perfect Christmas... i have mixed emotions about this Christmas, in ways it was the best we've ever had and in others it's one I'd like to forget, but i guess in the end all that matters is the kids enjoyed it and they were both spoiled rotten. here are a few pictures, i really struggled with the camera this Christmas and then Ben forgot to bring it up to his mom's Christmas day oh well i guess. this was the first Christmas ever that we woke up in our own beds and had Christmas morning at our house.. oh how i loved that. no loading up all the presents just to unload and then reload again. Christmas afternoon was spent at the Jensen's with all the Jensen's except for Penny.. Little Cannon decided he needed to be here for Christmas so she was at the hospital with my newest nephew. Christmas night was spent at the Roberts and we had lots of yummy food and the kids loved playing with uncle Jess and aunt Kyli. I missed everyone that wasn't there and hope next year we can more family around

 

 Hadley making sure the reindeer found there found

 Christmas church clothes are one of my favorite traditions

 Dallin loving his new piano

 not sure whats going on but he's excited anyways

 her new scarf.. she hasn't stopped wearing it yet!!

 Santa brought me a bike mom!!!!!

 spoiled little girl.. and this doesn't even include her huge doll house or her camera

to much for him to handle.. he was a little overwhelmed.

 

until next year...

Merriest Christmas

Love the Jensens

Thankful for

SO very thankful for these three!!!! I don't know where I'd be with out them

its great to be 4

Where does the time go? I seems like Hadley was just born and here she is turning 4.... we started the day of with birthday pancakes, (tradition calls for blueberry muffins but she declined) so i made her 4 little ones, they were suppose to be colored to go with her rainbow themed birthday but i got lazy. Last year we didn't get her any balloons(i know we're bad parents) and if you asked her about her birthday even if it was 6 months later that's all she remembered, that we didn't get her any balloons.. so this year we got balloons..... lots and lots of them. We had to buy them 1 dozen at the time because of the helium shortage:( really a world wide helium shortage, who knew that could happen.

Family dinner at chuck-a-grandma (that's what she calls it) and a friends birthday made her birthday perfect, she even told me it was a wonderful birthday... love my big girl

 

 all her balloons,, Ben even got her a HUGE orange one... seriously we could have filled another 12 balloons with the helium in that balloon

 Haddy and her papa

 she was so glad her Ramey cousins got to be up for her birthday

 Haddy and Calem are the bestest buds

 Haddy and Sarah

 birthday party fun... coloring shirts

the rainbow cake