Girl Time

Kylie and I had a little time to ourselves over the weekend while Brandt went to hang out with grandma for a couple hours. High on her priority list of must do activities was painting nails. She chose bright red, which is not usually my favorite, but it was fun to let her make my nails look pretty anyway. Then we moved on to my favorite part, which was shooting some hoops. Her little diva outfit and attitude cracked me up!

Bryce came over and helped get bunk beds set up for the kids a couple days ago. They were so excited about them that it took an extra hour or so to get them calmed down enough to actually sleep in them!

Beware: this is another one of my long but educational and hopefully touching posts about what it can be like to spend some time with a child on the autism spectrum who also has some serious ADHD. Keep in mind again the myth that people on the spectrum are unable to feel empathy and the truth that they often are not aware of typically acceptable social behaviors. Yesterday was one of those days when I had to get some errands done in town and I also had both kids with me-many parents of kids with special needs never attempt this and for good reason lol. Brandt had decided to color his face with a permanent marker (still trying to figure out where he got that from). He definitely got a lot of attention from it as well as a lot of stares. I had a friend or 2 ask how I could be so calm about it. Well, I learned a long time ago that I'll go completely insane if I'm constantly letting myself be embarrassed by his behaviors in public. The grocery store was especially brutal. I had a headache and needed to get out of there quickly. He was bouncing all over the place- giving people he knew hugs or staring at them until they noticed his face. Thankfully we have some amazing people in our community who were so patient and kind to him. And thankfully I had Kylie to help me with my shopping and I wasn't having to keep track of her running off or anything. When we finally got to the car and the groceries were in it, buddy took the cart to put it away. He made his way through the parking lot barking and singing as he went and then spent a ton of time arranging the carts at the drop off like he usually does. I was getting super impatient and frustrated with him and was about to seriously lose it by the time he was actually in the car and we were leaving. I drove right past a van with a family holding a sign saying they needed help. I'm embarrassed to say I had no intentions of stopping. Brandt insisted that he wanted to help and started loading up a grocery bag with a few things to give them. I drove a few blocks and then circled back so he could deliver it. Afterward he kept saying how cute the little kids were and how sad it was that they needed help. He was worried that people wouldn't stop to help them because they were from another country. He said he kept having the feeling in the store that we should buy a few extra things because someone might need them but he thought the someone would be us. We talked about how we had also bought a few extra items like donuts and lemon drops that weren't needs but wants and that we need to be more grateful for what we have. This also led to a great conversation with both kids about listening to and following the guidance of the Holy Ghost. We also talked about how Heavenly Father loves all of His children and is pressed when we as kind to others and serve them no matter what they look like or if they are different than we are. Once again my heart was softened by the actions of a little boy who had empathy for someone and acted upon it.

Dr. Campbell is out of the office this week which means I get some extra days to spend with the kids. Kylie did such a great job helping me tack up Sunny this afternoon and then rode her around like a pro. She even trotted a bit a few times. She was supposed to be in cleaning her bedroom, along with her brother who snuck out first and saddled Butch on his own and was riding around by the time I found him. It was actually a nice break and it was hard to stay mad at them for long. However, the adventures didn't stop there. Before the afternoon was over, they also got Rusty the goat out and tried to walk him using only the dog leash- that wasn't going well and it was probably a good thing I found them when I did so I could help get him put away before he and Brandt both ended up in the highway. Another time I lost both kids for a short time and finally found them in the horse trailer with both dogs- Missy and Texie. Somehow the latch had closed so they were all locked in there. That is just a snippet of how our day went. Needless to say, we didn't get much cleaning done. On the bright side, none of us were bored at all today, either, and the cleaning will still be there waiting for us tomorrow...

Brother Kip Motta spoke in church today about reverence. Satan makes our world loud and chaotic- we have to make time to be still and quiet. This was brought up again in relief society lesson by Sonja from President Hinckley. The lesson was about losing ourselves in service- it doesn't have to be something big, even a smile or hug can impact someone in ways we may not ever realize. There is a vital need to be quiet and listen for the promptings that will come to help us serve others when needed. Something that came to my mind through out both meetings was how obvious it is in Brandt that when his surroundings are loud and chaotic it is so difficult for him to listen to and obey the voices that will keep him safe. Often even when it starts out being a "fun" chaos, it always ends with him having meltdowns or making bad choices and losing control of himself. Our relief society lesson also talked about temple work bringing happiness. I thought of the comparison of how Brandt is on edge and wild in busy, noisy, chaotic places, but the times when we've had him in the temple he is calm and relaxed.  I also thought of the times when someone has done something simple like hugged me or told me thank you for something. Just today after church Gayleen Keetch stopped me and told me how impressed she was with how I handle Brandt and his challenges as she had noticed he was struggling to go into primary and came into relief society to get me a couple times as he often does. She assured me that I'm doing a good job as a parent. She also thanked me for recently being able to recognize that her son was having a panic attack at the fireworks and I was able to help calm him enough to get him out of the situation. During church I was also reminded in my thoughts of a time when I did a session and as it was time to go through the veil I recognized the voice of brother Dean Michaelson on the other side. It comforted and calmed me as I completed that part and it was such a beautiful feeling to have the veil parted and be welcomed through by someone I knew, recognized, and loved and I knew that he felt the same for me. More recently I was able to take Jane and Mariah down before riah left for the MTC. We did initiatory work first, which is always a sacred experience, and then we went through a session. When we got to the veil I was next to Riah and I could hear her grandpa Jim on the other side. What a special thing for her to be brought through by her grandpa and I am positive that it wasn't by coincidence, especially because she was nervous since it was still such a new thing for her. I love when I go to the temple on Tuesday mornings and as I come out from the waiting room I almost always hear the voice of uncle Jaren welcoming patrons at the front desk. When I get to the desk, he always takes time to give me a warm hug and tell me how special I am, how much he loves me, and how much better his day is because he saw me. Just as I recognized the voices of those men that I respect and love, I hope that when the day comes, I will recognize the voice of my Savior and that I will feel that same calming reassurance that He is happy to see me and that He loves me. For now, I need to work harder at making quiet times to listen for His voice through the Holy Ghost- not just for myself but also for my children.

Tonight I was doing some reading and the following powerful quotes came from a talk in the ensign this month titled "Put the Savior First" by By Elder Robert C. Gay Of the Seventy:

"You are not here by accident. You are here by choice. You wanted the opportunity to prove yourself. You are here at a time of morally twisted opposition that calls “evil good, and good evil” (Isaiah 5:20). You elected to stand here to give service and to love.

In opening this last dispensation, [Christ] reminded us that He “partook” of “the bitter cup” and “finished” the required ascent to the cross (see D&C 19:18, 19). God expects engagement. You are to be a finisher and not an observer in the Savior’s battle for the souls of men. This is how we show our love to Him, “shine before men,” and receive His enabling power and grace in our own lives."

I know these words are true. I know my Heavenly Father loves me and allowed me the choice to come to Earth and choose to follow His Son or the ways of the world. I feel such a huge responsibility as a mother especially to be a shining example of a disciple of Christ, following Him and serving Him by serving others and listening to and obeying His Words. Although I know I fall short continually, I also know that my Savior loves me and has provided a way to repent and try again- over and over and over... For this I am indeed grateful and I hope to be able to be a witness of that to those around me.

Dumpster Diving

Usually Brandt is my garbage "treasure" collector, but apparently Kylie isn't above a little treasure seeking herself. She came home this week and was super excited to show me her new decoration she brought home from school. She said, "mom, I totally went dumpster diving and saved this sign after teacher threw it away! Yes, I actually dumpster dived!"

Brain Damaged Tooth Fairy

This is the third night in a row this poor girl has tucked her tooth neatly between her pillows hoping to find money in the morning. She had an abscess and has been on antibiotics since last week and then had it pulled earlier this week by Dr. Weston. She was a little nervous, but she did AMAZING! She didn't even flinch at all and just squoze my hand when it hurt. So tonight I finally remembered about her tooth and my fairy duties. Brandt was still awake when I slipped the money between her pillows, but that's just one of the perks of my children knowing that I'm really it when it comes to things like Santa and tooth fairies- no more trying to remember until both kids are asleep or remembering before they wake up in the morning. And Kylie is super patient because she knows I have "brain damage" since my accident- her words, not mine.