Alexa Beall's Special Day!

Alexa Beall......after being baptized.

Alexa Beall opening gifts.

A picture of a picture at Palenque Grill....lol..(my scanner's not working)

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March 18th Beall turned 8. I can't believe she is already 8 and headed for 3rd grade. We had a special visit from Mimi as we celebrated her birthday and her baptism. On the day of her birthday she went horseback riding with her brother and sister and then off we went to Palenque grill at her request. The dinner was yummy, but the birthday song at the end was the best part. All the waiters clapped and sang to her as they put the special hat on her head. I think she really liked the attention. There was a little disappointment when she learned the hat wasn't hers to keep. lol.....They snapped a picture of us and framed it for her. (MiMi and Triston dodged the picture) Although most of the family couldn't make it for her big day, they all sent birthday wishes in the mail.(which we all know she loves...so thank you) Beall was scheduled to be baptized on that Sat. ......so we had lots to prepare. I think the favorite part of her birthday was all the shopping and primping....We shopped for the perfect white dress and all us girls went and got mani/pedi. (thanks MiMi)......yep, good 'ole fashion girl fun!

At 6:30 Sat. evening, she was baptized. I think other than the day she was born, this was the most beautiful I have ever seen her. She looked so pure and so radiant. The baptism was small, intimate and sweet. It felt so spiritual... and of course I couldn't hold the tears back. In fact it's really hard to put into words the feelings I had. Triston and MiMi gave beautiful talks and the missionaries sang a song to her. Special days like that are even more special when shared with dear friends like the Andersons. Just them coming and being a part of this special moment meant a lot to our family. Beall has such a special spirit about her, very nurturing and kind. I pray she will always carry that with her. (I have more pics to add, but I'm having trouble loading them...so check back later.....I might have more pics up)

Back in the Saddle

I would love to say "thank you" to all of the wonderful messages that were sent to me when I "vented" many months ago. Those sweet messages of encouragement and understanding comforted me thru my grief as I realized Triston's ten year anniversary would not bring an end nor a beginning. Although I would have liked for life to stand still and give me a moment to gather myself .......it did not. In fact so many of life's little milestones have occurred in the last 3 months, that I will have to be a very busy blogger....in order to catch up. So I've cancelled the party.....(the pity party) and got back in the saddle....and even though the ride gets a little bumpy......I am eager to tell you what the Busse's have been up to!

FEEL

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He Is a Fighter! Getting ready for a shot! Right before diagnosis. About 1 year after diagnoses....aawwe look at the blue eyes! .

I haven't blogged in awhile. I have plenty to say.....just not sure if I should actually put it in black and white or keep it to myself ............like I have done for he last 10 years. As the anniversary approaches I seem to feel even more. That was a complete sentence........I just feel more. More what????? Everything. Mostly anger! Yep I said it.....frankly anger sounds way too politically correct. What I really feel is Pissed Off! (I am sure Greg is shaking his head right now...thinking how un-lady like) However, it is how I feel....ready to explode! Some days it never leaves my mind, and I find myself physically and mentally exhausted. I am tired of watching him suffer. It seems so wrong to have to watch your child suffer, and no matter how much they fight.....and no matter how good of an attitude they have......you know of their pain. He tries so hard to just be normal. (I will blog later about what he really goes thru)

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. I feel punished. What did I do to deserve this? worse yet, what did I do to give this sort of pain to him? Why...do we have to endure this?

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I feel haunted. The vivid memory of watching him almost die more than once will always haunt me, and nag at me......as it lingers. There are so many nights that I can't sleep for the fear of losing him. There are noises and sounds to this day that will trigger the EXACT feeling of almost losing him.

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I feel terrified. Terrified that I won't be there to save him if something goes wrong again. Terrified that something will happen to me ......and then what? How will he manage ...who will take care of him? So afraid for when he leaves home and is out on his own.

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I feel irritated. Most people don't even know what they have. I feel so irritated when people take for granted their child's health. I feel irritated when people try to tell me how lucky I am to have the proper medical care to care for him. How he can live a normal life with all of these medical miracles. There's NOTHING normal about what he goes thru. There is nothing normal about taking 5-10 shots a day just to stay alive. There is nothing normal about pricking your finger 10 times a day...everyday...for the rest of your life. (frankly this one leads me right back to feeling pissed off) .

I feel confused. So many of my emotions contradict each other. That I am confused about how I feel. When you are finished reading this......you will know that I definitely feel confused.

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I feel sad. Sad that he will always have this. Sad that his future wife will endure this. Sad that his children will endure it too. Just sad. .

I feel resentment. I choose not to go into this further.........but it is there.

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I feel depressed and broken hearted.

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I feel blessed. We are blessed to have as many advances in medicine that we do. With these medical miracles.....the burden is lighter. I know this. We are blessed to be able to provide these for him. I am blessed that the Lord didn't take him from this Earth when he could have. We are blessed to have the super support of friends and family. This too lightens the burden. (yes I know this contradicts what I wrote earlier)

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I feel guilty. I know that I am blessed to have him alive and so that makes me feel guilty for all of the other negative feelings that I do have. There are many friends that have lost loved ones.........I know.....they would choose to have them here with them.....even if it meant they would have to live with this disease. I dare say they would celebrate the opportunity to have them return. I feel guilty for wishing that people could really understand what we go thru as a family because to do that they would have to walk a mile in our shoes and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

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I feel selfish. This goes with guilt. How selfish of me to whine about all of this when Triston is the one that has to endure the disease.

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I feel grateful. So thankful to have him. I love him so much. He inspires me, tests me and teaches me. His fight is amazing and he is my hero.

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I feel honored. I am honored to be his mom. What a special kid. Honored to help him in his fight for health. (told you I was confused)

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I feel helpless. As a mother, I want to take this burden from him. I feel so helpless because I can't take this pain from him. Helpless.....to have to watch him suffer.

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I feel driven. Anything that I can do to help keep him happy and healthy.....I want to do. No matter the cost......emotionally, physically or financially. .

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I feel like a failure. Although, I am driven, I don't always get it right and occasionally get the dose wrong...too much or too little. Sadly, he pays the price.

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I feel discouraged. Triston was 3 when he was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. His Dr. told us that he felt like we could have a cure in 10 years. April 13th will be 10 years....and still no cure.

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The one thing that I no longer feel .......is hope. Because I feel hopeless. There is no cure in sight.

It's in the mail!

Rylee mailing a package to the Maile girls........she was very excited to get it in the mail!

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Why is it that kids LOVE to get stuff in the mail? Every time one of the children has a birthday....the mail box is under constant surveillance. (even the FBI would be proud) A mad dash is made as soon as they realize the mail has been delivered. There is always a build up of excitement as the big day approaches. Usually it trickles in....a card at a time......until BOOYA......there's a package! Yay for packages! I think the surprise of getting mail makes them just as happy as the actual gift. My kids love it! But it doesn't have to be just gifts, they seem to love getting ANY kind of mail. (that will wear off when they start getting bills!) They love magazines, fliers, holiday cards...ect. To be honest, I love getting mail too.(I just figured I'd hurt myself with the mad dash part) As a matter of fact, that's one of my favorite parts of Christmas.........all of the cards.....and all the mail that we get. Funny how that doesn't seem to go away with maturity. I think it's because you know that someone thought of you. Good to feel remembered.

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Doesn't everyone love to get mail sent to them? Email? (I mean the good stuff...not the bills) Even Greg loves to get one of his sports magazines in the mail...........and then he's off to his favorite reading spot! (lol...I'll leave that to the imagination!)

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Sending mail seems to be just as exciting as getting it. The kids love to write thank you notes and draw pictures. It's good manners too. (right?)However, I am honestly not good at "getting it in the mail" I do really good at preparing it for mailing....but somewhere between attaching postage and taking it to the post office...........I drop the ball. Then it sits there for too long, and eventually I never send it..........'cause I'm too embarrassed that it's so late. I guess it comes down to being organized. Kuddos to Nana and Grandpa Busse. They never miss a holiday, birthday or fundraiser.(the kids know it and I appreciate it.) Amanda seems to always be really organized too.....guess that's why she's a teacher. So one of my new years resolution this year was to "get it in the mail" Although I have been more diligent, I have to admit that I still have a pile of stuff needing to be mailed. So to all of you that I owe...Christmas gifts, Valentine cards, thank you notes and pictures...............start watching your mailbox, 'cause................ "it's in the mail!"

Fairytale Birthday Bash!

Rylee's Castle Cake!

Spiderman on Bay horse!..(a.k.a. Braylon Ramey)

Sharolyn (horse trainer) helping Rylee jump off the horse onto the trampoline. (Christian Hayter and Elysia Nelson are also pictured)

Alexa Beall and Princess Hunter.

Glitter!

Rylee and Trevor on Tango

Emma,Beall,Ein,Rylee,Anne,Braylon,Ginger....................

Picture of some of the costumes. (note the baseball game in the background?)

Prize table!

We celebrated Rylee's 5th birthday with a fairytale birthday bash! Complete with a castle cake, castle pinata, and royal horses. Overboard?...nah not me! Greg always gets a little anxious every time I start planning one of the kids birthday party's. (he thinks I go overboard). ...... ..... ....

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. I must admit that, although it's a lot of work, I love planning these party's. I love the fact that I can be part of a magical memory. The sight of all those little children laughing and smiling makes me so happy. The kids looked so adorable in their costumes! The royal guest list included several princesses and a couple of spidermans. We had lots of games, and a big prize table for the winners. At first, I was surprised that Greg didn't try to jump into the game action since he is so competitive. However, I soon realized he had taken the "older brothers" away from the party for a little game of "driveway baseball"...(uh huh...typical) He did jump right in when it was time for the pinata. (thanks MiMi for the castle pinata!) Something about smashing stuff with a baseball bat.....that seemed to be masculine enough for him. However, I think the horses were the biggest hit, and even I took a ride. (no comments please..) Tango and Bay horse looked especially cool with glitter on their hoofs. Sharolyn (the handler) let the kids jump from the horse's hiney onto the trampoline......yep....that got lots of laughs! (I didn't try that one, but was a little tempted) .

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We did have one "hitch"........ In order to minimize chaos, (and essentially Greg's anxiety) I made the cake the night before the party. A castle cake is not an easy feat and it took me several hours to make all of the fondant and decorate it. All I had to do is set up and decorate on Sat. So I was relaxed Sat. morning. But calm quickly turned into panic when I learned that Sasha (our very well trained dog) had secretly taken a piece of the castle for herself under the cover of night!....oooooh that dirty dog! She had helped herself to one of the tiers of the castle.....Can you beleive it! .ughhh.....don't panic!......Luckily, I had just enough left over fondant to make a new one.( this is lucky...cause my kids like to eat it) and the castle was repaired.... with plenty of time to spare! Special thanks to MiMi and Braylon (a.k.a. spiderman) for making a very long drive to attend our fairytale bash. We had lots of fun.....everyone loves a party!

Tell me a story..........Alexa Beall!

Alexa Beall...awe look at those baby blues! . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alexa being silly.....she looks like she's giving a speech! . . . . . . . .. .. . . Most people have heard the saying "the squeaky wheel gets the oil." ...(or something like that) Seems like our little Alexa Beall tends to fall into that sometimes. With all of the hustle and bustle of the Busse house.....it is easy to be swept away with all of the daily events and we forget to stop and truly enjoy our accomplishments. I want to try so hard to not let that happen. ... ..

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Two weeks ago Beall competed in the invitational UIL tournament. She is on 2 teams....math and storytelling. (basically public speaking) When we pulled up to the tournament I noticed that the cafeteria seem to hold an endless amount of children and the buses were from miles around. (they can really pack 'em in a place around here) This meet seemed to be an especially big tournament. Beall really enjoys these meets and wasn't intimidated by the vast number of kids competing. (she just wanted her snack bar money and for me to be on my way) Usually, I receive a call to come pick her up about 2 hours later, but the call never came. Instead, I received a call from Beall that she had made it past the first round and was in round two! Yay Beall! I was so very excited for her that I kept checking the phone to see if she had called. (kinda like the expecting dad waiting for baby news) When she did call it was for a ride.....I braced myself for a disappointed little girl (just in case) When I picked her up....she was all smiles....seems she had made it all the way to round 3. This had never happened before.......they had never had a round 3. I couldn't believe it when she told us they wouldn't know the winners until Monday at school. (it was only Sat.) How could they do this to me? uhhh...I mean her. ........ .......

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. .. So Greg and I picked her up together on Monday..........yep.....she had the trophy in hand! whoo hooo! Way to go Alexa Beall! She placed 2nd in the storytelling! I never knew what a good public speaker she was. (she got that from her dad) Mom and Dad are so proud of our little genius! Although she didn't place in math (they compete against 4th graders) she did get the 2nd highest grade in her school!...(and she gets the math smarts from me!) We love you Beall!

Racquetball is bad for my marraige!

Several months ago Greg encouraged me to join him in a game of racquetball. I protested because I had never played before and felt like I would surely make an idiot out of myself. However, Greg assured me that it didn't matter and he would teach me. So I went. Sure enough.....I sucked... really bad. I did like the fact that I was getting a lot of exercise without it boring me to tears, so I continued to go. It was also nice to spend some time with Greg. I quickly started to see results and I even improved ( a little) Unfortunately, with all of the hoopla of the holidays, I fell out of my routine and haven't played for over a month........until last night.

I invited Greg to go with me in order to spend a little time together. Thought it would be nice to have a little one on one time and get a little silly. Greg jumped right on the invite and was ready to go in record time. As a matter of fact he was waiting for me in the car while I grabbed the balls. I had NO idea what I was in for. Anyone that knows Greg...KNOWS that he is extremely competitive. I didn't even have time to warm up before the first serve came blasting by me. I looked at him a little confused ......(i was thinking ..hey take it easy on me....remember?) One to zero.....

The second serve flew past me like a rocket....I didn't even make an attempt (have you ever chased a rocket??? didn't think so) What is the point of chasing something that's not physically possible to catch.....I say save your energy! 2-0 .....by now I'm getting the glare. Yikes!

Greg started to protest my effort. He felt that I wasn't trying hard enough. I have never played him for bragging rights...only for fun, but he was serious. The points against me started to pile up. He started to mock how stiff I ran. Next, came the trash talk.....not for fun.....for real. Are you kidding me? The thought of fun had already left my mind and I was now in survival mode....help! In an effort to "up the level of play" Greg started a new game with the score 14-0. I only had to make 1 point to win. (generosity...or is he mocking me) By now I was in a mood and Greg was focused on winning. He ran hard to get to the next ball.....only to plow me over and knock the wind out of me! "Move!" he shouted. Okay.....time out! What the heck! Clearly he is in the need for a SERIOUS game of racquetball and some SERIOUS competition. Why are men so competitive? I'm out! I wanted to take my toys and go home. Bottom line....if your man is competitive.....and your used to being his sweetheart...........racquetball is bad for your marriage! (I still love you babe!...but no more racquetball!)

P.S. He did say sorry for yelling move.