A Random :)

So...I just noticed that it's been FOREVER since I last posted...it seems a little crazy, but time has just gone by so quickly that I can't even believe it! I'm 30 weeks on Sunday, and Steven and I are in the home-stretch prep for having our daughter.

We talked a lot about DD and it's place in our life after our little girl is born, and we've decided that it's such an integral, comforting part of our life that we're going to find a way to make it work. I know many of you have kids and manage, so I feel like we can, too. Plus, especially with all the hormones, and school, and being one income, and trying to get the nursery ready, and everything else--I've really felt much better since he stopped being so lenient. At first, he really tried to be understanding and was very lax with the rules; and, at first, I really appreciated it...but, then, I started to feel less grounded. I felt like the boundaries that I find so comforting were gone, and our relationship was suffering for it. I know it's my responsibility to behave regardless, but I got so stressed that I needed an outlet.

He still doesn't do much in the way of actual spanking--not while I'm pregnant. It's not that he thinks it's unsafe, exactly, because it's not like he beats the snot out of me or anything, but he prefers other forms of "maintenance" and punishment--plus, my big ol' belly makes things really awkward, positionally speaking!! So, we're back into the realm of lines and other such things. And, while it's not my favorite thing to be punished, the back-to-reality-of-our-relationship-ness of it has been super calming. And, I've really appreciated it. :)

And--the man is like a saint in tending to me! He has been so good about working around my exhaustion and encouraging me to continue exercise and eat better--I failed my first, and partially failed my second, glucose screening, so I have to retake the three hour, but the exercise and better eating has really helped me feel better, too! My back still gives me fits, but not nearly as often. And, for my birthday--Oct. 22!!--he got me a showerhead that is like a massage, I swear, and some peppermint soap and some pumpkin lotion...yum! Plus, he carved pumpkins with me!! That was the first time in all our years together we've done that; for whatever reason, pumpkin guts make the hubby gag, so it was quite the sacrifice for him to do it with me. (Don't worry, I got the guts out.... :P). And his pumpkin ended up looking way better than mine! :) And, feeding me--geez, that's been a challenge.

One night, I was feeling particularly weepy and irritable. Poor guy, he asked what I wanted for dinner, and I told him I was sick of eating, I was like a whale, she was kicking me, and we were never eating again! I was totally over it! After several attempts to cajole me into telling him what I would eat, he gave up. "Ok, then. I'm going to make spaghetti, since you don't like that anyway."

"Fine," I told him huffily. "Eat, if you want to!" He shrugged it off, for the most part, and made himself some spaghetti...and toast.

I love toast. Love it. My eyes filled.

"You didn't even ask me if I wanted any toast!" I whimpered. He looked up.

"You told me you were never eating again. I can make you some toast--would you like me to?"

"No...you just assumed I didn't want any. So I guess now your daughter and I are just going to starve to death!"

And....that's how I've been. Of course, later, I apologized, when I realized I was being utterly insane...but you guys should give my husband a round of applause just for not strangling me over the past 30 weeks!! :)

And...I can't really think of anything else to say, but I'm sorry this was so late, so random, and so utterly disjointed. :) Welcome to my pregnant mind.

It's A....

GIRL! Steven and I have now had two different ultrasounds, both of which confirmed my suspicions that we were having a little girl. :)

Honestly, the idea of that was shocking at first--we both really wanted a boy, and never really even considered the possibility of it being anything OTHER than a boy...Right up until about 15 weeks when I started that bleeding. When I had my ultrasound and there were no little boy parts, less than a week before we were supposed to be able to tell what it was, I thought to myself, "Oh, man...this is NOT a boy." Steven disagreed, and held on to his boy beliefs right up until the ultrasound that proved me right--sort of, anyway. He was awfully willing to start looking at girl names when I suggested it! I expected to be almost disappointed when I found out it was girl; I don't feel like a very good girl, myself, and all the "what in the world am I going to do with a girl thoughts" were hitting hard. Instead, I found myself strangely delighted. She's old enough in utero now to hear me, and I rather enjoy working around the house, talking to my little girl. And day dreaming about the all possibilities in store for her--that's another favorite activity! But...all that to say--we were both thrilled and have really enjoyed the whole idea of our little miss.


((Any tips would still be greatly appreciated...the notion of having a child, of naming another human being and being totally responsible for them catches me off guard some days!))

Super Speedy Update On Baby M!

  Soo....I know it's been a few minutes since I've gotten the chance to post--between no internet at home, trying to prepare for the increasing nearness of our baby's arrival, (20 weeks, almost!! Almost halfway there!!), and trying to get ready for school, it's been a hopping few weeks.

  Thankfully, this part of the second trimester seems to really be looking up. I only throw up once or twice a day, my back has been MUCH improved(I even mowed our lawn!), and I've barely bled at all. We did get to find out the gender and have chosen a name, but those things are secret until Thursday, at least. :) Suffice it to say, we're quite pleased.

  School starts on Monday, and I've really been trying to get my ducks in a row so that the end of the semester can go smoothly--I'll take my last final at 36 weeks and 5 days of my pregnancy. Steven has been such a huge help; he's tending, and sweet, and willing to cook, despite that being kind of a shot in the dark--I swear, I THOUGHT I wanted those chicken patties!

But, my study group just arrived, so I'm going to have to run--I'll try and update later with the gender!!! :) :) :)

Thanks, guys, again, for all your sweet support throughout all the ups and downs of mine and Steven's relationship, and now, this latest development. :) Ya'll are the best!

"I Danss Cuz I Happy" (I Love Lolcats) BABY UPDATE

Very quick update, because I'm particularly exhausted today: had an appointment this morning because the cramping and bleeding increased last night and turned the bright red of new blood.

Very fortunately, it's not the baby that's the issue...this one is all Momma. My cervix looks "like hamburger meat." The doc said it happens in some pregnancies--that for whatever reason, hormones, whatever,  the cervix gets really raw. So, it won't affect the baby really in any way. I'll likely experience some discomfort and bleeding throughout the pregnancy, though he said the issue may resolve sooner. So, all ya'lls' prayers and good vibes went with us this morning!! Thank you so much!!

Didn't Stop...

So, I left off my last post basically saying the bleeding was over, since that's what the doctor told me. He said there was no blood left inside, and he didn't think I'd see anymore at all.

I woke up Sunday morning bleeding out clots and enough blood to soak through my underwear and down my legs. Steven and I Dopplered the heartbeat, and found it trucking along like normal. I called the on call physician back, still concerned. "Honestly," he told me, "I have no idea why you're bleeding. It should have stopped, not increased. But, we know you aren't dilating prematurely, because I saw you yesterday and checked. You've done at home all we could do here--found the heartbeat and seen the blood. So, my recommendation to you is to take it easy, and call your OB first thing in the morning. I have a feeling he'll want to see you."

And, that was that. I've bled and had some cramping and just been generally uncomfortable for the past couple of days. I called first thing, as he recommended, and I have an appointment this afternoon to see what the problem is. If ya'll could be praying for us, sending all good thoughts and positive vibes this way that you can muster, we'd certainly appreciate it.

Back To Bed I Go

Sooo....got up this morning and decided to have lunch with Steven at work. I called and verified what time he was going, and then loaded up and headed that way. I peed(for the sixth time this morning!) before I left, but, as per my usual, was desperate to pee again by the time I reached his work.

I did my business, but, when I wiped, I noticed a brown smear on the toilet paper. Surprised, I did a double take. And then a third. Wiped again. More blood. Again, more blood. Uneasy, I cleaned myself up and called my ever-present mother.

"Mom, I'm bleeding...it's not a lot, and it didn't hurt, but do you think I should call the doc?" She assured me that it was probably nothing, but to call anyway...I did, before I realized it was Saturday. The only way to reach a doctor was to page the on-call physician. I called Mom back. "It says for emergencies," I told her. "I'm not sure this qualifies...I mean, no pain, old looking blood...what do you think?"

"Well, it can't hurt to double check. Probably page the physician." So, I called the nurse's line again, was told to rest and be still until I heard back from the doctor, and that he would call in the next few minutes."

Fifteen minutes later, we were on our way to the hospital, to the pregnant woman portion of a triage. I was checked over thoroughly(super unpleasant...don't know how I'm going to get that baby out of there...). There were signs that I had been bleeding, but the doctor said the inside looked good, there weren't any active bleeds that he could tell, the baby's heart was still thumping along at it's usual pace of about 140, my cervix was still closed and plugged and "high and tight". He said that, for right now, he wouldn't worry overmuch about it. The typed and screened my blood, said there shouldn't be any problems with the Rh factor, and to continue with a routine visit to my regular OB. So. That all looked pretty good.

Then, when I finally arrived home, I opened the door to find that my Great Dane had escaped his room and torn trash from one end of the house to another. When he heard my gasp of dismay, he beat feet. I spent a measly few moments staring at the...the carnage...( I don't think there's another word...we've had a fair bit of meat recently, and the fatty trimmings had been in the trash, along with the typical banana peels and peach pits) before I set out to find my dog. I searched high and low--in the bed rooms, the office, under the beds, in the closets...but, seriously, how do you lose a Great Dane??


((NOTE:: Not my dog, not my tub.))

Finally found him in the shower, carefully hidden away behind the curtain, with only a ruffled edge to give him away. I coaxed. I pleaded. I yelled. I pointed. He would NOT leave the shower. I've never hit this dog, but he was abused in the past, before we rescued him, and he fears our anger somewhere around the level of thunderstorms and the apocalypse. Finally, I gave up on that, and hid outside the bathroom, behind the door. When he finally emerged, I shut the door behind him and escorted him, lecturing all the way, outside.

Then, Mom called again...she needed me to meet her near the house. I agreed, and got back in the car--and wouldn't you know it? The oil light came on, red and angry.

So. Now, I've given Mom what she needed, cleaned up the trash and am finally back again in comfy pajamas--clothes I intend to make good use of--along with my bed and good book. I don't plan to come back out until Steven gets home.

House-Wife-ing 101

So. My entire living with Stephen life, I have not been any kind of house-wife. I worked, usually two jobs, and, by the time I arrived home, the last thing I wanted to do was work. He mostly felt the same. Our house wasn't filthy, or grimy, but it was cluttered, and there was always at least  a few dishes in the sink and a few loads of laundry we'd yet to even start. Dog hair was on every article of clothing we owned, and doggy nose art decorated the windows. A stray paw-print often found its way onto our sheets, and the closest I came to being domestic was to light a few candles and be sure the counters stayed swiped clean.

Since the loss of my job, I've felt it was really important for me to contribute in other ways. Namely, if he's going to support us and the house we've come to love, then the least I could do was keep up with the house-work. Easy-peasy, right? After all, I've watched my mother do this for years. How bad could it be?

Yeah, right.

What I've learned is that I've learned nothing about keeping house in the 23 years I've been alive. The dishes and the laundry seem a constant uphill battle; why does anyone ever cook, when they've just washed all those pans? And, how did that splatter of macaroni and cheese get on the stove I just wiped? And paw-prints shouldn't be on sheets, and these clothes just came out of the dryer, how are they already covered in white and black and fawn and grey hair? And, the trash! It piles up in two or three days! (Usually Stephen has dealt with the trash, so that was kind of a shock.) I read a book once, and, in it, a woman bemoans that, according to her mother's rules, she's "failed, because the kitchen floor is dirty." I know exactly how she feels! Every day, when Stephen leaves for work, I make a list of things/projects I need to accomplish before he returns: Take Grammy to the library, sweep the floors, start a load of a laundry, dishes, Dad's physical therapy appointment, those library books are due back at the end of the week, and have the bills been organized and paid? Our calender is still on Janurary...and I've felt so overwhelmed. When my husband gets home at night, sometimes I just want to cry, because my list is still a mile long. We've not even hardly discussed a nursery, I can't even keep up with the rest of the house...how am I going to do this all once school is back in and I have a baby?? How do you ladies do it?? I know ya'll have tips, I've read your blogs! It looks like you all juggle everything so well, and I'm desperate to know how you manage it!

Tips, tricks, anything, please!