The Prodigal Blogger Returns: And This Time, It's Personal!

Look at that. An update! Im guessing the two people that read this have given up so I can say whatever I want! Poopy! Aha! Edgy.

So I think I'll do what every blogger has done at one point or another. (Extreme sound effects) Create a question/answer thingy! But this won't just be any question answer thingy... it'll be the rootinist, tootinist, blogginist, redemptonist thing that it is... ever! So hold on to your face holes, we're going in!

a) If you were a tree, what kind would you be?

1) A lovable fern.
2) An happy willow (Irony alert!).
3) A strong cholla.
4) An angry pine tree.
5) A raping redwood.

b) If the world was ending and you had just enough room in your bomb shelter for your family but your lazy neighbors wanted in, you would...

1) Start digging a shelter for them.
2) Convince yourself you can all fit.
3) Plug your ears and hum as they beg for their lives outside.
4) Install a camera outside in advance to watch them die.
5) Trade your wife and kids in for better ones.

c) You see an old woman trying with all of her might to throw her garbage in a dumpster. It would only take you a second or so to do it, but with her feeble arms its taking her quite some time. You would...

1) Rush over and toss it for her, then ask what else you can do.
2) Throw away her garbage then rush off before you get hooked in for more charity.
3) Throw her trash out, but demand payment for your services.
4) Rush past her, dancing and singing about the blessings of youth.
5) Wait for her to be finished then take all of her trash out and leave it by her front door.

d) If you could go back in time, what would you do?

1) Risk life and limb trying to prevent tragedies, like American Idol, from ever happening.
2) Convince a lost love that that muscle bound loser is wrong for her.
3) Tell yourself lottery numbers.
4) Change history to correspond with the answers you gave on your history final.
5) Prevent your birth just to see what happens.

e) If you could switch bodies with one person, who would it be and why?

1) The CEO of Walmart to give your workers benefits with the money you usually blow your nose with.
2) Your favorite celebrity to feel what it's like not to be so small and useless like you are now.
3) Anjelina Jolie. Just for a shower.
4) A scientist to create a race of lobster men who would do your bidding.
5) A harsh tyrant, so you can crush human spirit by forcing people to listen to the jonas brohers (this will include people eating their own brains).

f) What is the one thing you feel you must accomplish before you die?

1) Desegregate goth kids. (Have you ever seen a black goth kid?)
2) Have a family so you can live through your children. Pushing your hopes and therefore failures on them.
3) Become rich without actually earning it. i.e. Paris Hilton, Lyndsay Lohan, or Steve Jobs. Open your legs and you'll get anything you want.
4) Segregate Emo kids.
5) Create a series of spoof movies that don't actually parody anything. Instead they just parade a never ending supply of pop culture references, destroying the minds of an entire generation. Convincing them that all you need to be funny is put your lame characters in a 30 second scene from a popular movie followed by another then another then another.

Wow, that was short. Or was it? I'm new at this.

So now you have to add up your score and look for what this means you are. Oh, I can't wait.

5-10: You're such a great person. You're giving and selfless. I just don't have those feelings for you. You're going to make someone very happy someday. I hope we can be friends.

11-15: Hey, that's not too bad. You try to be a good person, but you're probably just a phony who really only wants to play video games. You wouldn't kill Bambi's mom, but you would eat her.

16-20: Well you're just a hunk of lame aren't you. Look, at you. Staring at your computer screen. Probably perfected typing with one hand haven't you? Well, that silo explosion is no excuse for a life of sloth and disdain for Arrested Development!

21-25: You killed Bambi's mom for a single cigarette. You've got the world at your fingertips but they're covered in peanut butter and chocolate. I like your style.

26-30: You're just a terrible person all around. I would save a french person before I saved you! Honestly, french! What with how they think they're better than everyone and don't bathe. I also hate how you stereotype others!