Here's another one that was going to be (just a little) too long for Facebook. I got home a little late from working out tonight and heard some crying, I checked K's room and she was just a sleeping little angel baby so I headed back to Landon's.
(A little bit of a backstory...) My little boy is of the super sensitive nature. Not only with emotions, but with his senses, how he observes others, and really just the world in general. There are many who don't understand my little man, some who call him a cry baby, "too sensitive", whatever else. He's just the right amount of sensitive because that is what is going to shape him into a compassionate and empathetic version of a person that only he can be, Levi and I understand him and that's all that matters right now. I relate to him more simply because with every hardship he faces in his little life, I remember exactly how it felt. I was the same way as a child in the way that I processed the world and still am even after life's lessons and rough spots have trained me to have a tough skin.
Back to tonight... I walked in and Levi was holding him and Landon's little lip was just quivering. He was trying so very hard not to cry, I just looked at Levi and he mouthed "I don't know." So I crawled into bed with him and Levi left us, it was long overdue Mommy and Landon time. I asked him what was wrong and he in his bravest voice on the verge of tears said, "I don't know, I was just looking at everything in my room and it was different and I started crying! My fan is different and everything is different!" I told him he could just cry if he thought it would make him feel better while I held him and he said, "But I don't WANT to cry mom." So I snuggled in closer and said I wanted to tell him a story.
Four years ago and about five hours from right now, was when I knew you were getting ready to get outta my tummy so you could be apart of our family. Daddy was sleeping and so I let him sleep a little longer while I got our bags ready for the hospital. I talked to you while I was getting ready, telling you that you were such a good little boy to come on your due date. And that I couldn't wait to see you and hold you and kiss you again and again. I had a list all ready so I would know exactly what I wanted to bring. When I could tell that you were starting to get impatient, I woke daddy up and to his surprise we were ready to go to the hospital! When you came out of my tummy, you did not cry! Did you know babies are supposed to cry when they come out of their mommy's tummies? He laughs and then says "I didn't cry!" The Dr.'s were worried about you at first, but then they saw that you were breathing really well and that no matter how much they poked you and tickled you, you were not going to cry for them. So they wrapped you up tight and gave you to me, and I held you and was crying and crying because of how happy I was that I got to be your mommy. And we just stared at each other for a very long time, "Like this?" Looking very seriously at me and I said "Yes honey, just exactly like that". This is the point where I started tearing up... But Landon, you tricked the Dr.'s and Mommy and Daddy, because you never cried in the hospital. But when we brought you home you didn't stop crying!! "That's because you were trying to make me go to sleep and I didn't want to. I just wanted to stay up and play and play." Well, I wish you would have told me that before, because I really didn't know what you were so upset about! "I tricked you mommy!" Yes you did! "...I want to hear more of my story..."
(Sadly, even though it was only 5 hours ago, I can't remember the rest of our conversation in between that and this next part (thus the many status updates on FB so I don't forget).)
I told him it was time for me to go to bed and he said that he could only feel happy when I was in his room so I asked him what looked different in his room to him. "I don't know, it just makes me feel sad." So I sat up really fast with an excited look on my face and said "Landon! Do you think everything looks different because you're going to be 4 years old in the morning and that means you're an even bigger boy than before??" He took that suggestion in for just a few seconds and then got a big smile on his face and laughed a little and said, "Yeah! I'm going to be an even bigger boy!" He was satisfied with that and then told me, "Mommy, I really like you." To which I responded with kisses and tears because when a 4 year old tells you they like you, it really means more than when they say 'I love you'.
Landon, do you know that you are very special? "No I didn't!" Well you are, you are a very special little boy and there is no one else that is just like you. You are smart, and very funny, "Do you think I'm funny even though I'm not a baby?" I think you're funny especially because you're not a baby! (Baby K has been cracking us all up lately... :) )Do you know that lot's of people think you're funny too? Mommy writes on the computer when you say things that make me smile and laugh and they read it and sometimes people even tell me that they love to read Landon stories! "Can you tell them that Scout is special and funny too?" Of course. Do you know what else makes you special? You know when mommy is happy or sad or mad even when I don't tell you! "And mommy, sometimes you are happy even when your face isn't." That's right honey. You are a very good helper and a really good big brother to KayKay. And you have the BEST imagination! I love to hear your stories and play pretend with you. You are my special Landon. "Okay mommy but I have to go pee pee now, I already went but now I have to go again!" And that was how it ended. ;) Love my Boogie.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Through my little man's eyes
Usually I use Facebook to record Landon's sweet and funny antics for family and some friends as well as my own personal record, but this one would be way too long. So a-blogging I will do.
He's been sick for a few weeks and the last few nights have been sleepless for the whole family. He can't stop coughing, I've tried every trick in the book except one my dad used to do for my brother. So I grabbed a blanket, my son, his hat and coat and we went outside at 10:00 at night. He was SO excited, "Where are we going to mom?! What are we doing mommy?!!" Complete with a little happy dance... which is similar to his potty dance, sometimes it's hard to differentiate.
We sat on the bench on the front porch (beautiful night by the way, no wind, perfect temp and bright moon) and he began pointing to everything and asking "What's that? What was that noise? Why is that light on? Look at the stars! They're moving mommy! Why are they moving?"
"They look like they're moving, but they're not, the clouds are moving. That makes it look like the stars are moving doesn't it?"
"Yeah. MOMMY WHAT'S THAT?! Why is that star moving?!"
"That's an airplane honey."
"Why is it moving? Where is it going? Where did it go?"
I realized through our conversation that he had not seen our world at this time of night before. It was all new and so sweet to see through his eyes. He counted the stars and talked about everything that had been on his little mind since he went to bed 2 1/2 hours before that he couldn't share with us. Then a big cloud came and started covering the stars and he was pretty quiet for a 3 year old while it was happening. I told him it was time to go in and go to sleep. He said that he wanted to keep watching the cloud, so I told him to close his eyes and picture the cloud.
"Do you see the cloud?"
"...No." In a way that implied I was kind of an idiot for telling him to close his eyes and ask if he could see something. So I closed my eyes and told him I could picture the cloud because I remembered what it looked like and asked him to close his eyes again.
"Can you see it?"
"Yeah!"
"Okay, when you're lying in bed you can watch the cloud until you fall asleep."
"Okay!" We got inside and started walking back to his room and he told me,
"Mommy, I'm just going to watch the cloud and the stars for a while."
"Okay baby, I love you, goodnight."
My heart was so full walking out of his room, then I went and checked on my sweet baby girl and looking at her my heart was so full that tears started coming out. It is so amazing to me the capacity we have as humans to love so much. I can't believe all of the love that fits into my heart, love over the course of my lifetime this far and the love I'll feel in the future. I am grateful and happy. And my little man is sleeping.
He's been sick for a few weeks and the last few nights have been sleepless for the whole family. He can't stop coughing, I've tried every trick in the book except one my dad used to do for my brother. So I grabbed a blanket, my son, his hat and coat and we went outside at 10:00 at night. He was SO excited, "Where are we going to mom?! What are we doing mommy?!!" Complete with a little happy dance... which is similar to his potty dance, sometimes it's hard to differentiate.
We sat on the bench on the front porch (beautiful night by the way, no wind, perfect temp and bright moon) and he began pointing to everything and asking "What's that? What was that noise? Why is that light on? Look at the stars! They're moving mommy! Why are they moving?"
"They look like they're moving, but they're not, the clouds are moving. That makes it look like the stars are moving doesn't it?"
"Yeah. MOMMY WHAT'S THAT?! Why is that star moving?!"
"That's an airplane honey."
"Why is it moving? Where is it going? Where did it go?"
I realized through our conversation that he had not seen our world at this time of night before. It was all new and so sweet to see through his eyes. He counted the stars and talked about everything that had been on his little mind since he went to bed 2 1/2 hours before that he couldn't share with us. Then a big cloud came and started covering the stars and he was pretty quiet for a 3 year old while it was happening. I told him it was time to go in and go to sleep. He said that he wanted to keep watching the cloud, so I told him to close his eyes and picture the cloud.
"Do you see the cloud?"
"...No." In a way that implied I was kind of an idiot for telling him to close his eyes and ask if he could see something. So I closed my eyes and told him I could picture the cloud because I remembered what it looked like and asked him to close his eyes again.
"Can you see it?"
"Yeah!"
"Okay, when you're lying in bed you can watch the cloud until you fall asleep."
"Okay!" We got inside and started walking back to his room and he told me,
"Mommy, I'm just going to watch the cloud and the stars for a while."
"Okay baby, I love you, goodnight."
My heart was so full walking out of his room, then I went and checked on my sweet baby girl and looking at her my heart was so full that tears started coming out. It is so amazing to me the capacity we have as humans to love so much. I can't believe all of the love that fits into my heart, love over the course of my lifetime this far and the love I'll feel in the future. I am grateful and happy. And my little man is sleeping.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Lonely
My little man is gone, he is staying with Grandma and Grandpa Brinkerhoff for 8 DAYS. That's a really long time, in pregnant hormonal mommy world-it's forever. Levi is getting surgery this next week to fix his sleep apnea and we've heard it's a pretty rough recovery so we needed help. My sweet father in law suggested that Landon come and hang out with them for a week and at first, all I could think about was all of the reasons he shouldn't go. He's been sick, 8 days is too long, he's potty training and who wants to inflict that upon people they love?! In the end the pros outweighed the cons and now little man is peacefully sleeping (I hope!) in his very own big bed at Grandma and Grandpa's. I just have to share how ridiculous my emotions have been! I bawled almost all the way home from Rawlins (where we met up with Aunt Bridget), slept a little when I got home and then promptly started crying again when I learned that he would be seeing Santa tomorrow for the first time! I will probably resume later tonight when I wake up to pee around 3:30 am and forget that he's gone and go in to check on him to make sure his blankets are on. Sigh. He's my little buddy! My extra appendage that never stops talking! It's so dang quite in the house...
On the upside, Levi and I had an in-house date where we made huge bowls of salad and watched shows we've fallen behind on as loud as we wanted! Sounds lame but I don't know the last time we watched something in the living room without needing subtitles to understand what was going on so we didn't wake Landon up.
Well, I guess I better make a list of things I can get done while my little helper is gone :) good night sweet baby, I love you.
On the upside, Levi and I had an in-house date where we made huge bowls of salad and watched shows we've fallen behind on as loud as we wanted! Sounds lame but I don't know the last time we watched something in the living room without needing subtitles to understand what was going on so we didn't wake Landon up.
Well, I guess I better make a list of things I can get done while my little helper is gone :) good night sweet baby, I love you.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Oh Baby!
We are so excited to announce that our little lovely in my tummy is a girl! I have so many visions of pink and girly things, tutus, dress up, cute hair, dance classes all of it! I'm going to do all the little girly things with her that I can until and if she decides she's a tomboy. I can just see it happening, in the history of moms and daughters that I know of, interests are usually pretty opposite as soon as the daughter can think for herself ;) I was for sure that way so I will expect nothing less from mine. Hmmm, so maybe, if I only dress her in Landon's clothes and make her watch football... WE'RE HAVING A GIRL!!!
Landon has known from the start that it's a girl so he wasn't surprised at all when I told him excitedly. He just looked and me and said, "Ya mom, our baby is a girl." Duh. Weren't we listening this whole time? I can't wait to see if she's going to have red hair too, I hope she gets Levi's nose and my hair. Oh man so much to do!
Landon has known from the start that it's a girl so he wasn't surprised at all when I told him excitedly. He just looked and me and said, "Ya mom, our baby is a girl." Duh. Weren't we listening this whole time? I can't wait to see if she's going to have red hair too, I hope she gets Levi's nose and my hair. Oh man so much to do!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Kind of an update...
Mostly rambling...
Wow. I'm finally bored enough to blog. There is nothing left on hulu, Landon and Levi are asleep and staying horizontal is necessary to not throw up. What an amazing blog to start with after such a long time! I am happy to say that 15 weeks into pregnancy I am feeling a lot better in the mornings which is way more than I could say 15 weeks into pregnancy with little man! I'm listening to Stevie Nicks radio on Pandora and it is making me extremely happy, it's amazing what music can do for your spirits. Since I've been so sick, I have neglected that love of my life and Stevie has reminded me how much I've missed it!
Um, song I don't love on Stevie Nicks radio- Cyndi Lauper singing Time After Time with Sarah McLaughlin. Let's keep our music separate ladies.
Let's see... up to this point in life Landon is way too big. He of course know way more than Levi and I, obviously we are morons. "No dad, it's not a tramp. It's a trampoline." "No mom, don't say (insert anything you can think of), say (something way smarter)." I was hoping that stage would start a little later in life at least, no such luck. He makes me laugh every day and smile 90% of it, most of the time I just catch myself watching his little face, his expressions and wondering how on earth I got so lucky to get this little man. And then I wonder what this next one will bring me... :)
He memorizes things so quickly! I would have rocked school if I could have memorized things half as fast and efficiently as him. We have a lot of Primary songs covered so I think we'll move onto a few of the other important songs in life next. For example "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow", perhaps some Doors, definitely Janis Joplin and of course Journey for starters. Oh man, then we're moving into the 90's. I better start a list.
I think I'm done now, maybe next time I'll have pictures...
Wow. I'm finally bored enough to blog. There is nothing left on hulu, Landon and Levi are asleep and staying horizontal is necessary to not throw up. What an amazing blog to start with after such a long time! I am happy to say that 15 weeks into pregnancy I am feeling a lot better in the mornings which is way more than I could say 15 weeks into pregnancy with little man! I'm listening to Stevie Nicks radio on Pandora and it is making me extremely happy, it's amazing what music can do for your spirits. Since I've been so sick, I have neglected that love of my life and Stevie has reminded me how much I've missed it!
Um, song I don't love on Stevie Nicks radio- Cyndi Lauper singing Time After Time with Sarah McLaughlin. Let's keep our music separate ladies.
Let's see... up to this point in life Landon is way too big. He of course know way more than Levi and I, obviously we are morons. "No dad, it's not a tramp. It's a trampoline." "No mom, don't say (insert anything you can think of), say (something way smarter)." I was hoping that stage would start a little later in life at least, no such luck. He makes me laugh every day and smile 90% of it, most of the time I just catch myself watching his little face, his expressions and wondering how on earth I got so lucky to get this little man. And then I wonder what this next one will bring me... :)
He memorizes things so quickly! I would have rocked school if I could have memorized things half as fast and efficiently as him. We have a lot of Primary songs covered so I think we'll move onto a few of the other important songs in life next. For example "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow", perhaps some Doors, definitely Janis Joplin and of course Journey for starters. Oh man, then we're moving into the 90's. I better start a list.
I think I'm done now, maybe next time I'll have pictures...
Monday, September 13, 2010
Big, strong, happy dragon.
I feel horrible for not recording my funny little boy's antics more than I have, but that's probably not going to change so let's not dwell. This post is mostly for me so I don't forget the little details... Our little (almost) 20 month old boy has such an imagination already it blows my mind. I'm not really sure comparatively where he stands with alot of his development with other children, but I'm going to bias-ly say that he's somewhat of a genius. :)
A few of the things he's doing lately:
-He knows his shapes. Circle (his favorite), oval, square, diamond, triangle, octagon, pentagon, star, heart, rectangle.
-The colors; blue, green, red, pink, brown, black, white, purple, orange, yellow.
-The letters 'X' and 'K'.
-All of the body parts.
-He could color all day, and does for the most part. He draws circles, ovals and squares and like to color them in. He really likes other people to draw circles with him/and for him.
-So many other things but I really want to get onto the imagination part!
I've been telling him a story every night for the last 6 nights about a Dragon and a little boy named Sir Landon. I started one night because he was really really wound up and it was 10:30. Ten minutes later, Landon was still laying silently next to me and I looked over to see if he was still awake when he says "Dragon?" I said "Yes honey, a dragon." Silence... "Snuggle mommy?" (My favorite part :) He snuggles me every night before bed). After about 5 minutes he propped his head up with his hands, elbows by my collar bone and said "A dragon, a dragon, a dragon huh?" "Yes honey, a dragon." He put his head back down and fell asleep on me.
The following nights I continued the story and he continued to listen intently. Then tonight, Levi was putting Landon's pajamas on and said that it was time to go Night Night and asked if he wanted mommy to tell a story. Landon said "A Dragon! Big dragon! Happy dragon! Strong Dragon!" I don't particularly remember saying those exact words but I'm sure I did at some point and he remembered them, it's amazing to me that he is picturing in his sweet little mind a big strong happy dragon. He knows what all of those things mean, I wish I could take a peek and see what that dragon looks like...
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
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