Love like Crazy

I feel like the last couple weeks I have learned some pretty amazing life lessons. I tend to learn these lessons the hard way! Go figure! :) I am always working on being a better person and I heard a song yesterday that pretty much sums up the rules on which I live my life. Just thought I'd share......

Be a best friend, tell the truth, and over use I Love You

Go to work, do your best, don't out smart your common sense

Never let your prayin knees get lazy

and love like crazy

Spring Time fun

We get to watch these 2 cute kids a couple times a month! So I am always trying to find something fun to do! We decided to plant some magic jelly beans, I told them they were super rare and had to be planted a special way. We planted them in oreo soil, watered them with rainbow water and put in the window to grow! 

 Wyatt, Sam and Preslee

Next week, look what grew!!! Magic rainbow suckers!!

Ok, Ok lets do this....

I am so behind that I cant catch up, so today is day one!

I have had many changes and I feel that part of why I am so happy (let me add we as a family too) lately is because I have seriously humbled myself. It's a hard thing to fall apart, but Im sure glad I did...."Never be afraid to fall apart because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along--Rae Smith.
New Year, New Resolutions and a New me....I started off with saying yes to giving a talk. I am TERRIFIED of public speaking, TERRIFIED! I have no problem writing out my feelings, but saying them in front of people, I just cant do..
So I am a little proud of myself for taking such a big LEAP and giving a very heartfelt talk in a relief society activity (7-8 min mind you) Im not sure if it was exactly what I was suppose to do, but I did feel like it was something these lovely ladies in my ward needed to hear. Here it is....

Planning for my future while guided by my past….I feel that this past year I needed to change my direction and look forward because behind me was no longer the direction I wanted to go. I feel as though I have been in a very dark place, full of anger and regret. It has taken me a very long time to just put my faith in the Lord and believe that with him all things are possible. Clint and I have struggled with infertility for many years; it has taken many tests, sacrifices and tears to start our family. I think I have always had a place in my heart that held a bit of a grudge because of this…But, On May 1, 2010 I felt as though the earth stood still; but yet I was spinning completely out of control….I gave birth to my sweet little twin babies 4 months early. Things happened so quickly and I was confused and scared; yet as I look back I do feel as though the Lord was holding me up during this difficult time. I am grateful to have a husband that was able to give me a blessing of comfort before my C-section. 2 days later I got the worst phone call a mother could ever receive…My little Kameron had taken a turn for the worst that day and they wanted us to get there as soon as possible. I was still in the hospital, but we gathered our things and traveled down to the U of U in silence. All that could be heard were our sobs. Again I felt that the Lord had guided us along that night because we didn’t hit a single red light and got a parking spot right in the very front! (If anyone has ever been to the U of U you know that is amazing.) When we got to the NICU the Dr. and the nurses taking care of Kameron had informed us that he had suffered a severe seizure and was not expected to make it through the night. They gave us the option, the choice, to let him go and say our goodbyes. We prayed and asked that we would be able to have our parents be there as well. Clint gave him a sweet blessing and we said a family prayer. We were then taken to a small room and after they had taken him off life support they brought me my tiny angel. He looked so peaceful. I knew we had made the right decision because he looked in horrible pain before. We all got to hold him and touch his sweet toes and kiss his tiny head. I left the hospital that night with a huge piece of my heart ripped away.

We were blessed to have had Kameron in our lives for such a small moment and I really do feel like he was sent to receive his body and bring us his baby sister. We were given so much love and support from numerous people. Friends and family helped bring us up to where things could be bearable. For that I am grateful and I love each and every one that helped us. But, Satan has a way of slowly sneaking in to break families apart…I felt miserable, we all did. I was mad and heartbroken! Anger can really consume you….

In September I felt that I had received a personal revelation…

 Julie Beck states “The ability to qualify for, receive, and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life…It requires a conscious effort to diminish distractions, but having the spirit of revelation makes it possible to prevail over opposition and persist in faith through difficult days and essential routine tasks….When we have done our very best, we may still experience disappointments, but we will not be disappointed in ourselves. We can feel certain that the Lord is pleased when we feel the Spirit working through us.”

I felt very strongly about this and had a burning in my heart that it was time for me to quit my full time job and stay home with my children! I fasted and prayed, because I had worked very hard to get to where I was at in my career. But the answer came back that if I put as much time and effort as I did into my job and put that into my family. I would find happiness again! So I did just that and quit. I have not regretted a single day. I have seen an improvement in my children, in myself and even in me and Clint as a couple. I have strived each day to bring light back into myself and in turn into my family.

I love this quote from Ezra Taft Benson. “Mothers in Zion, your God-given roles are so vital to your own exaltation and to the salvation and exaltation of your family. A child needs a mother more than all the things money can buy. Spending time with your children is the greatest gift of all.”

We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are.” Marjorie Hinckley

We have been coming closer as a family and made some goals that have already begun to bless us. Things are harder financially, something’s we have to learn to live without but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am working on strengthening my own testimony and helping my children gain their own.

Zina D.H. young states “I rejoice in putting my testimony before the daughters of Zion, that their faith may be strengthened, and that the good work may roll on. Seek for a testimony, as you would, my dear sisters, for a diamond concealed. If someone told you by digging long enough in a certain spot you would find a diamond of unmeasured wealth, do you think you would begrudge time or strength, or means spent to obtain that treasure?...If you will dig in the depths of your own hearts you will find, with the aid of the spirit of the Lord, the pearl of great price, the testimony of the truth of his work.”

One of my favorite stories from the book Daughters in my kingdom was from President Spencer W. Kimball. He was once asked if he had ever been to heaven. His response was that he has seen glimpses of heaven every day. Why, just that very day during a sealing of a couple, one of whom was the last of 8 siblings to receive this sacred ordinance. He glimpsed heaven in the small home of a stake president with a large family. The children worked together to set the table and a young child offered a heartfelt prayer before supper. Another time he spoke with a couple who were never able to have children of their own, but yet filled their house with 18 orphans. He taught that heaven is a place, but also a condition; it is home and family. It is understanding and kindness. It is Interdependence and selfless activity. It is quiet, sane living; personal sacrifice, genuine hospitality, wholesome concern for others. It is living the commandments of god without ostentation or hypocrisy. We need only to be able to recognize it as we find it and enjoy it.

I do have a testimony that this church is true and that we are led by a true prophet. I believe that families are forever (which I cannot wait for the day that we can all be together again) I am striving to be able to walk hand in hand with my savior while thanking him for all my blessings!! I believe that even through hard times, the Lord is there for us if we would just not turn our backs away. I have seen the Lords miracles and I have had several prayers answered! In him he has helped make my broken heart heal. I believe that charity is the work of the Lord and that he tells you when someone needs you. I love the sisters in this ward and I feel that we are a strong bunch of women! Just as Joseph Smith declared! “There should be a select society, separate from all the evils of the world, choice, virtuous, and holy. We are now in a situation where we can act according to those sympathies which God has planted in your bosoms.

So I am grateful for my past, my trials and my heartache. It is leading me to a very bright future….

Big Girl!

Kassidy also started to sit up in January. She started with just the boppy around her and has now got it down. She was 8 months old, adjusted 4 months so she has been doing well for her development!

Grub

This was 1/4/2011. Kassidy sure loves fruit! She does not want anything to do with vegetables. They make her gag. Totally opposite of what Sam liked. He ate whatever you put in front of him, she's a little more picky....

Eating can really tire one out.....

New Years Eve

Just a little behind...Our New Year was spent at the car dealership buying a new, wait for it.....MINIVAN!

What?! So excited for it!! Then we spent the evening at a party with Matt & Robin! 

 Kassidy and Melinda

 The kids watching a movie...

 Kass playin'.....Just happy to be there!

 Clint making root beer floats!

 Look at that face, all I see is T-R-O-U-B-L-E!!

 Craig and Maya. Kassidy and Maya are only like 1 week apart...

 Sam's reaction to the little confetti poppers. Scared him to death....Couldnt help but laugh a little though.

 Then this one started to cry....

 So the best thing to do next was eat The Layton's gingerbread house...What a fun tradition, to build a gingerbread house and then eat it on new years. Might have to try that next year because Sam thought it was great!!

 Robin and Carlos....

 Sam, runny nose and all

 The next day, Oh how I love these faces...

 Sam playing with his new Christmas toy, stinky the garbage truck!!

Quickie

Dear Sarah,
Although you should be working....This is just for you.

Things have been crazy here at our house. After a tough a long decision we took little Carlos home to Washington last month. He is living with grandparents now and is doing well. It was a hard thing to do, accepting that I failed to provide what he needed.
Kassidy and Sam are growing like weeds and make me smile everyday. Clint has been working off and on in Vegas, which was hard to have him gone since he is pretty much my rock.
He is done now, and working on the Salt Lake, Brigham and Ogden Temples.
It has almost been one year since I lost my sweet little Kameron and things have been harder for me. I miss him every single day. I cant seem to function some days, what I really want to do is lay in bed pull the covers up and cry.
My dad made him a shadow box that I have been working on and crying over for the last few weeks.
So for a quick update, it has been emotional, busy and crazy to say the least here. We are alive and I have lots of pictures and updates to come....