Posts filed under ‘Causes to Champion’
Musings on life, poker and the two….
TwinFlame’s new venture involving online poker has me completely enthralled and engaged with the game.
As I continue to spend more and more hours playing and trying to up my game, I can’t help but compare my poker journey to life.
Life is, but a game after all too, isn’t it? You win some, you lose some.
A pretty well known quote on poker goes something like this – You get dealt good hands and bad hands but in the end what ultimately matters is how you play the cards.
Another one that comes to mind is that the things you regret most are the situations where you were too afraid to do what you know you should have.(Should have called that hand man, I was winning!). But as they say, in hindsight, everything looks different. Isn’t that true of life too?
Everyone plays well when they are winning – After a good initial run when I just started playing and was winning often enough, I was also faced with the reality that it’s a phase soon to be replaced by losing consistently (gasp!). And that is when the truth hit home, as long as you are winning, you believe you are playing well. Much like life, when a setback forces you to concede that it’s all up and down, gain and loss, good and bad! And just like life, you learn to take it in your stride at the poker table .
Too much time and energy and money is wasted on bad hands. It’s always better to cut your losses – Well, I have shared earlier that I am a conservative player. I am happy with small risks and smaller gains consequently, but I prefer to be a safe player. It is the same in life as well, I don’t bet big and I don’t take “flips”, most of the time. I prefer to cut my losses as soon as I can and prefer to look for the next hand. Let bygones be bygones! Most people prefer less in exchange for a sure thing.
There are moments of glamour but most of it is a grind – I think this really sums up the hard work and beauty of poker as well as life. While most people look at and get attracted to the glamour part, they forget the grind that goes behind that moment of shine. And it is the same in life, one can look at someone’s success with envy and want the same for oneself, but it is rather easy to forget the effort and hard work that gets you there.
The game is not always fair. If I get a rupee for every time I see it on the table, I wouldn’t need to play poker and make money! So you were ahead on the flop, but by the end of the hand, you lag behind. So it is in life. Or the other way around. Luck shines on you sometimes, and leaves you high and dry at others. And that is how it goes!
Bluffing is overrated. Really! It might win you the hand but if you are in it for the long haul, you cannot get by only on bluffs. Sure you get your little wins here and there, but in the long term, consistency is key. In life too, bluffing will only get you so far, sooner than later, you have to own the game or face the music.
Whenever logic and intuition conflict you should always trust your gut. What we call the “gut” feeling is not overrated. In poker and in life, it will always have your back, even when it defies logic. Even when one is trying hard to build a story that is consistent with logic, more often than not, your gut is the one that can catch the bluff. Enough said.
The element of the unknown keeps the game fun – You never know what opens at the flop or turn or the river for that matter, all you can do is change and adapt your game accordingly. How is life any different? The unknown is what keeps it interesting and makes you keep playing! You can expect to be dealt a lot more crappy hands than good ones (followed by lousy turns and rivers). The trick is to make the most of what you’ve been dealt.
How do you do that?
By being patient, observant and prepared to pounce when opportunities arise.
And last but not least, there is a quote by Cem Arel that says “Poker is like life, most people don’t learn from their mistakes, they only recognize them.”
On second thoughts, you can say the same for all games that are not trivial and yes, learning from your mistakes is the hardest part of life.
Crossposted from here.
The “D” Word
At the outset, let me mention, I don’t think divorce is a dirty word. Uncomfortable and undesirable yes, but not dirty. Everyone’s relationship success rate is 50-50 and that is exactly how it is. I was going to write a post unraveling my thoughts on the sane and sharing some wisdom from the our journey, but I stumbled upon something better. the moment I read it on facebook, i couldn’t help but admire the grace in it and nodded along furiously, it comes close to what I would have written if I were the sorts to put up such posts on facebook. I’ll happily write on the blog, but facebook is not a place I feel comfortable declaring intensely private updates which I’d rather give face to face to family and friends.
That said, I am copying this public post from Nithya Shanti, who happens to be a public figure, and believe me you, I could have literally written it, and in more ways than one, it sums up the status for the Boy and me as well –
Relationship Upgrade
Today Esther and I upgraded our relationship from “married” to “best friends”. Many of you already know this. Some of you might be taken aback and even concerned. It’s very understandable.
Over the last couple of years Esti and I contemplated our values, priorities and intentions and found that our remaining married wasn’t necessary – in fact in many ways the assumptions embedded in marriage weren’t helping our relationship.
This wasn’t an impulsive decision for either of us. We considered it and allowed the questions to breathe. And finally it was clear this is what needed to happen. There were tears, there were long cuddles, and eventually there was a unique kind of peace and even laughter.
We continue to love each other very much and remain heart buddies. The day of the divorce itself (a better term is “uncoupling”) was the smoothest, most loving and compassionate imaginable. We laughed, hugged, reminisced, played games and went for a date to our favorite places.
I have tremendous gratitude and appreciation for both our parents for their incredible support and understanding of our decision. It’s never easy for parents to witness the dissolution of a marriage. I hope they realize our relationship is in many ways stronger than ever, only the arrangement has changed.
I take full responsibility for my part in this. There is no blaming. Only claiming 100% responsibility all that happened that led up to this. For any pain I have caused anyone, I apologize and seek forgiveness. That was never the intention.
It’s been an amazing journey these last six years together. So many adventures, so many shared experiences, learnings, so many beautiful friends we met and made, so much light and love and expansion. Even if I try, I can’t think up any regrets. It feels complete.
I don’t see this as an unfortunate development. Although I understand that society has conditioned us to seeing things in that way. I cherish my relationship with Esther. I remain committed to supporting her amazing vision for a more compassionate and earth conscious civilization in every way I can.
When such things happen the rumor-mill goes into overdrive. What happened? Why? Did you try this, or that and the other? All sorts of advice and projections and judgements fly around. If possible, see if you can replace such reactions with love and blessings for our decision.
And if not, it’s okay, I give you permission to judge me as you like. We are all free to respond as we wish.
As this chapter ends and another starts, I feel deeply grateful, I feel more committed to being true to myself, to sharing my gifts as authentically as I can. I also feel a touch of sadness. And that’s okay as well.
The highest in me bows to the highest in you.
Thank you!
If that isn’t the very definition of “grace”, I don’t know what is.
Dying to be me
This one is about the chain of thought triggered after reading the book with the above mentioned title by Anita Moorjani. It isn’t a very well written book, considering it’s not by an “author” as much as it’s a lay person sharing her message with the world to the best of her ability.
I have discussed the message behind the book with multiple people and it clings to me ringing of truth somehow. I came across the book when someone shared an interview clip of Moorjani on youtube, where she spoke about surviving cancer, a near death experience, coming back to life with a relatively healthy body, and as message to share with the world.
While by itself it is a fascinating tale, of someone with tumors the size of lemons filling her body, to her organs shutting down, to having a glimpse of the afterlife and actually coming back to her body, knowing fully well it wouldn’t be so sick anymore, it is so much more.
The idea that strongly resonated with me is that physical ailments, especially the chronic kind, originate at an emotional level and the physical body is the last place they manifest themselves in. And once I started trusting this idea, I could actually validate this theory by looking at most people around me. Our interaction with the world, our morality and judgements…they are not absolute truths but just beliefs cemented over time. They are as valid or as invalid as anyone else’, really.
The main messages she wanted to share with the world are summed up, as I remember:
1. Love yourself. Every time you beat yourself up, you create so much pain for yourself and others. Love yourself no matter what, for no reason other than because you are here. Spend time connecting with your inner self.
2. Approval of others is unimportant. We need to follow our own heart. Let the answers come from within.
3. We are true love. Being love is being ourselves. It is the same.
4. It is important to leave yourself open to all possibilities and be willing to suspend belief and disbelief and sit with uncertainty. Needing certainty is a hindrance to experiencing greater levels of awareness.
5. Being instead of doing works with universal energy instead of against it. Just be and allow and everything will fall into place.
6. Don’t deny your feelings. Embrace them all and allow them to flow through you. Embrace your ego too. What you resist persists.
7. Trying to control your thoughts or your emotions through “positive thinking” will not work.
8. There is no need to fear food. Eat what you love and enjoy it.
9. Every part of you is perfect. You are already everything you are meant to be. You don’t have to forgive or let go to attain anything.
10. Humor and laughter are so important. They are more healing than anything else. Don’t take yourself and your problems too seriously.
11. The after life is not better than earth. Live fully in the present moment.
12. When you let go of fear and love yourself unconditionally, you touch the lives of everyone around you because we are all connected.
It is not new information, but it is easy to forget as we get caught up in our day to day lives. She shared her experience of growing up in a mixed culture and the push and pull she always felt, which took an emotional toll on her. While I haven’t lived a similar life, I do share the understanding of feeling conflicted, of straddling two different cultures, or classes, or schools of thought and being emotionally exhausted because of it. Of course, this is in hindsight, because when you are in the thick of things, you can hardly look at your life in a practical manner, or observe it as an outsider.
More than the idea of the afterlife (though I am hopelessly curious), what stayed with me is the concept of self worth and how underrated it is while we live. People pleasing, managing expectations, doing what is expected of us by others, not following our heart…are all roads that lead to disaster and will come back to bite us, one way or another. It is no easy feat, to grow a thick skin, to learn to put oneself before others, to stand by one’s convictions especially if they seem to be against the tide, but so essential to living a healthy, balanced life. People often talk about certain pains associated with certain stresses (even Ayurveda!) and I have come to believe it is true. They say people who are stressed at work might develop pain in their neck and shoulders, a worry of money ends up manifesting itself as pain in your lower back, so on and so forth. What can we do but try and be more mindful of our emotions? To feel as we are feeling, to allow ourselves to feel, both the positive and the negative, to give ourselves permission rather than asking for it.
“As I looked at the great tapestry that was the accumulation of my life up to that point, I was able to identify exactly what had brought me to where I was today. Just look at my life path! Why, oh why, have I always been so harsh with myself? Why was I always beating myself up? Why was I always forsaking myself? Why did I never stand up for myself and show the world the beauty of my own soul? Why was I always suppressing my own intelligence and creativity to please others? I betrayed myself every time I said yes when I meant no! Why have I violated myself by always needing to seek approval from others just to be myself? Why haven’t I followed my own beautiful heart and spoken my own truth? Why don’t we realize this when we’re in our physical bodies? How come I never knew that we’re not supposed to be so tough on ourselves?”
Allow yourself to Be, because you already Are.
Violence Against Women Awareness Month 2012
Given my commitment to the issue of stopping violence against women, both personally and professionally, I have always made it a point to participate in this heartwarming initiative of Violence Against Women Awareness month.
I spent a lot of time thinking about what to post, whether to take a bird’s eye view of the issue from my professional learnings and throw around numbers, or share my personal thoughts….After so much being said and done, it still isn’t enough! And so, I thought I’ll try and think about it from a local perspective, of individuals, and households and society….and what I really think needs to change, given the mass media campaigns and outreach activities happening all the time…
I think my first awareness of violence in the household domain comes from hushed tones in which the household help would talk to my mother, or their wounds I remember my mother tending to. It was all very secretive, and any query or curiosity would be met with a “fall”, or “walked in to a door” or an “accident”. I learnt to believe that it is something of a culture in the lower strata of society.
When I was 8, my cousin got married and I remember attending the wedding in Delhi and completely charming, and in turn being charmed by my brother in law. We both adored each other, and when I came back to visit them when I was 10, suddenly he was out of the picture. Again, the queries were dealt with vaguely, and the best answer I received was that these were adult issues and I shouldn’t bother. Children have a knack of picking up vibes, even if they don’t know the whole story and I immediately remembered the household help we’ve had over the years. That’s when the myth was busted, and I found domestic violence closer to home.
Growing up protected, it came as a shocker when a dear friend in college, one I was in awe of, given her confidence, the way she carried herself, after missing college for a week, broke down at the chai stall and said she had a fight with her boy friend and he got so mad, he punched her in the face. She didn’t come to college as she was waiting for the wounds to heal.
She stayed with him another two years before finally leaving him, but that’s another story. I met that guy a few times during their courtship and given my brother in law’s case earlier, another myth was busted. People indulging in violence don’t look or act any different, there is no “type”.
I think it was much later in my life that I begun to see a pattern. Not so much in terms of victims or perpetrators, but in terms of how we deal with the issue of domestic violence as individuals, households and a society.
People ridicule the perfect “American dream” of a family saying that a lot of stuff happens which is not in tune with the picket fence loving families they portray. What about India?
I think India is one of the most hypocritical societies that ever existed. The amount of fanfae with which we approach weddings, not even half the effort goes in to marriages. While everyone wants to “celebrate” with people, in times of grief, you would find yourself alone. Its so much easier to shut your eyes to injustice, even with your loved ones and pretend it doesn’t exist.
Why is it that victims of violence hide their scars fir as long as they can get away with it? Why is it that when one reaches out for help, they are mostly shunned, or told to shut up, or work harder to “please” their partner, or worst, just bear it.
Why this culture of silence? Why the need to hide the facts from near and dear ones when clearly you are a victim?
Intimate partner violence is more common and more widespread than we care to believe and the sooner we start acknowledging it, the better it is for all of us.
A few months ago, a friend called up to take advice for her friend who wanted a place to move out to, but was worried about her safety. I believe reaching out to ask for help is the first step forward. But, more importantly, there need to be avenues available to respond to cried for help.
There are conversations about crisis intervention centres and helplines that I hear about, but not sure yet if they are effective, But I do know this, if I see signs of the same or have a call from a friend in the middle of the night, the least I can do is make myself and my home available for her and be supportive in any way I can.
Its very easy to ask “why doesn’t she leave” , but believe me, that is not what we need to focus our energies on. To have an opinion is alright, but more than that, we need helping hands that can protect you in the time of need and provide a safe, comfortable environment to think through the next steps, whatever they may be.
So lets just make a start with ourselves, to ask for help when we need it, and to provide help when we can give it.
I still hope for an ideal world free from gender based violence, and no matter how far it is in the future, I will work towards it.
No title for this culture of silence
A few days ago I had hosted a post by a girl who faced harassment while travelling in the Delhi Metro. The post went viral online, and so many of us on the internet spoke up, shared and talked about it. The media interest was built up, Nidhi and I had calls, emails and requests to take it forward from publications, and news channels, either via a sound bite, an interview or appearance on TV for a show. I passed on requests and also had one gentleman ( a journalist) congratulate me for having hosted it, saying that I have also done my bit.
I also put up a post trying to collate constructive actions we can do, and after this phone call was actually beginning to feel all positive and active. The bubble was burst a day later, as I did the post about the comedian and jokes on rape, and the same night, I find horrifying footage of the video where a young girl was molested lynched by a mob of 20 on a busy street in the middle of Guwahati.
I haven’t been able to sleep properly. I feel so small, so defeated. Writing about these issues on the blog seems so trivial, so pointless, so….stupid.
I don’t have the strength to outrage. I seem to find my tongue tied as I’ve walked around with a dull ache in my heart since last night. The images from the video keep flashing in front of my eyes, and the only comparison I can think of is a dying animal being attacked by a bunch of scavengers. I can’t find it in my heart to wonder where the police was, what the onlookers were doing, why did some person have time to record it all on video and not a moment to help her out. I don’t want to ask what was everyone doing, why a single car didn’t stop, why not a single person even tried to intervene.
I am ashamed. For all of us. For this mentality. The men, lesser said the better. I want the media to show each one’s residence, call their families on TV, shame them. Apart from the poor child who was a victim of a heinous crime, NO one should be left out.
I can’t bear to watch the video again and the media doesn’t seem to stop showing it. The journalists surrounding her are so insensitive, I feel like getting in to the TV and slapping them. I want to do this all and I want to do nothing. I want to sit still till this feeling of shame passes. Shame that this is my society, my people. That girl, a fellow human being, treated worse than an animal. Shame that I am part of this, no matter how far away I am.
It is MY fault that they are walking around without punishment. We are all responsible. And that’ why I want to say one more time, lets please drop this culture of silence. Every single time someone misbehaves, please stand up right there and then.
And to the poor girl, I really don’t know what to say, but all I can find in my heart is a small voice that wants to say “I am so so sorry. I really am. ”
This is a picture doing the rounds on FB. Not all culprits are here, but its a start. If any of you, reading it in any part of the country, can identify or help identify these people or know them, please speak up. Now. I can’t think of any punishment good enough for these people worse than animals, but I do know that they are scum of society who need to be found, right this moment and dealt with strictly. If we are allowed to lynch them publicly, I’d throw the first stone.
BoHeMiAn RhApSoDy 
