Same Old Rant

I wish the pain would go away. Completely. Instead of drifting in and out of my consciousness.

My head hurts.

It really, really hurts.

Fire Escape

I stumbled upon this song long ago and then forgot about it. Recently, I re-discovered it and fell in love with the melody, lyrics and video all over again. It is sad but hauntingly and heart-achingly beautiful. And for personal reasons, this song speaks strongly to me. I highly recommend having a listen.




I see you bite your bottom lip
Can you feel my kisses on your hips
You're almost here, you catch your breath,
A ghost is whisperin' in your head:
''No, you're not home''

I'm on a fire escape
Where you said to wait
And I did, yes I did
Oh, I heard the cold wind say:
"You're a fool to stay"
But I did, yes I did

No, you're not my home

No matter how my heart tries,
I'm not too blind to realise
When I'm free from the grip of this life,
You won't be there by my side
''No, you're not home''

I'm on a fire escape
Where you said to wait
And I did, yes I did
I heard the cold wind say:
"You're a fool to stay"
But I did, yes I did

Oh, you're not my home
Oh, you're not my home
You're not my home

I'm on a fire escape
Where you said to wait
And I did, yes I did
I heard the cold wind say:
"You're a fool to stay"
But I did, yes I did

I'm on a fire escape
Where you said to wait
And I did, yes I did
I heard the cold wind say:
"You're a fool to stay"
But I did, yes I did

Oh, no, you're not my home
Oh, no, you're not my home
Oh, no, you're not my home

And every word I wanted to say
Got replaced with the wedding ring

Happy Love Day

Another year goes by and bam it's the 14th of February. Again, I scowl and shake my head at all the Valentine's Day nonsense I'm surrounded by.

I don't hate Valentine's Day. I'm just lonely and bitter.

Ha ha ha.

But of course, Valentine's Day isn't just celebrating love for those in a romantic relationship. Love between family and friends should be celebrated just as enthusiastically. I miss my High School days where students would spend days/ weeks writing and decorating hand-made Valentine's Day cards for our fellow peers. It was a great tradition that I treasured during my 4 years in Nan Hua. We would spend the entire day at school searching out friends, rushing around between classes, exchanging cards, letters, sweets, chocolates, small gifts. It was such a fun and heart-warming day at my school. I miss that.

I miss having friends to share Valentine's Day with.

To my dearest girls back home, you know who are, I miss you lots and lots and I hope you all had a wonderful day filled with love, any kind of love. I love yous too.

I love my friends, and I love love.



There are 2 quotes I shall end this post with today:

"I think being in love is a privilege. I hope everyone gets that privilege." - K. J.

"To love at all is to be vulnerable." - C. S. Lewis




I hope I get that privilege some day. I hope one day I'll finally be able to stop being fearful of being vulnerable.

I Don't

It doesn't feel like I've only been back at Uni for 3 weeks. It feels like it's been absolutely ages - more like 11 weeks. I'm just really looking forward to Reading Week where I can just laze in bed and do nothing. Or not. There'll be tons of work to be done - choreography brain-storming, essay researching etc.

Sometimes I wonder why did I ever choose this course. Why did I ever applied for Uni. Oh that's right, because I had no other option.

Let me tell you, it doesn't mean that studying such a 'specific' course such as Dance means that I have my future all figured out. Contrary to the believe, I don't.

I don't have a freaking clue.

Perhaps it's even worse the fact that I don't even know if the course I'm currently taking will relate to my future in any way. Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my time and my parents' money. It's also not as if I'm completely happy to be here.

In fact, I'm miserable almost majority of the time.

Whatever.

Only 3 more semesters and I'll be out of here.

As if saying that makes it any more comforting. It does the opposite because I'm terrified of ending education as much as I can't wait to finally get out of it.

I've said this probably a million times: Scared, terrified.

Some people see a future for themselves.

I am not one of those people.