Loving you took so much energy. I didn't realise just how much until you were gone, and I was limp with exhaustion.
It's like when you have not eaten for the whole day and didn't realise just how starved you were because you were busy and preoccupied until you have a moment of breather and then you realise, just how hungry you are.
I'm not saying this like it's a bad thing. It's not. I loved giving you my all. I loved feeding every ounce of my energy into you, into us. However, I was not fed back. And so now I'm gasping and slackened.
Loving takes up so much energy in general.
It's so exhausting putting everything you have and are into something, into someone, and not have it given back to you/ exchanged/ reciprocated.
Right now, just simply thinking about romance and dating and love and relationships tires me out endlessly. Right now, I'm fine being single. Only because I'm sick of it. Sick of non-mutual relationships and feelings. Sick of always ending up getting the shorter end of the stick.
I still dream of it; finding the one and spending the rest of our lives together. I long for it, not right now but please one day. Hopefully not too far away.
I'm a hopeless romantic and there's a price to pay for it.
