K krazeeeey

Who do you guys think is the prettiest?
Honestly I'd think Tiffany and SooYoung?  But with makeup I find Jessica and Yuri pretty. And I like Tiffany, Yoona and Hyo Yeon's smile. It's like laughing without restriction. Au Natural!!
(p/s: I don't know the background of their pre-SNSD formation or post plastic surgery whatever, judging based on what I've watched from their MVs and various appearances in variety shows)




 So dashing^^

Anyway, HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY ST GAMES!!

I couldn't make it down today because I had a family dinner. Sorry guys!

Don't wanna suffer anymore

Sometimes, I wonder why.

I just wonder. 

When will I find my answer?

"Can we take it back baby, wanna take it back to the day that we first met"

I know you won't change, but what's making me hang in there is probably my love towards you.
When I said I was sick, tired and bored of everything, they were words said in a fit of anger.
Everytime I look at you, I fall into the love river all over again.
It's easy to sink in but it gets harder to resurface each time.
Does it work the same for you? :)

The bond between us is strong yet wavering.
Our love is what keeps us going, but it wavers because the future is so undefined.
Every step I take is like threading on thin ice.
I fear the day when our love bubble will burst and disappear into thin air.
I fear because you've never really let me know clearly where I stand in your heart.
I feel vulnerable because I've let you in on more about me than what I know about you.
I feel depressed when I don't feel cherished. I HATE IT ACTUALLY LOL.
You're special to me baby,
When I fear and I don't illicit a proper response from you, that's when I start to lose faith in us.

Yes, I don't deny feeling bored, feeling tired when shit happens.
Not bored of you, but bored of the things you do.
I feel numb, because we are constantly arguing over the same issue, of which it is something I've mentioned countless times but never saw you take much action.
I feel bored when you cease to send sweet texts to me and stop being sweet on the phone.
I feel bored when I go over and you play games while all I do is stare at the ceiling.
I feel bored when I think about the many other fulfilling activities we could do during the wkends than to sleep, laze, chill or pool.
I feel bored when our relationship lacks spice. A few daily texts, plus a short call each night, and the whole wkend sleeping - how SPICY or passionate is that?
(not that I mind the frequency, but its the content. Quality over quantity anytime. Sweetness or surprises can kill the boredom easily, and it isn't hard to cheer someone up in a text or call right? ^^)
I feel tired when I give in so much to your whims and fancy, prioritising your happiness over mine and not getting full appreciation in return.
I feel tired when I've so many questions but not even half the answers.
I feel tired of waiting for a miracle to happen.

HOWEVER. 

The nights become so lonely without you to hold me tight.
Sleeping and waking in your arms has got to be one of the best feelings ever. (vice versa eh? :P)
The laughter and joy and chemistry we share even after our fiercest fights.
The stupid faces we pull at each other, its too cute.
Our inside jokes, never shared to outsiders.
When you offered to always be my listening ear ♥
The way you act like a kid, actions that I'm privileged to see.
The way you slipped your fingers into mine for the first time, so pure and innocent.
The overwhelming sweetness when you kiss my forehead.
The infinite and synchronised thump of our heartbeats as you loom in for a kiss.
Your breath against my skin, so warm yet so soothing.
The way you stroke my hair and my face, so gentle and delicate.
The silent attack when you lift me up or hug me from behind and I'm pleasantly caught off guard.
The lopsided grin of yours when you say sth cheesy or do sth stupid.
The twinkle in your eyes, and I'll fall in love all over again.
.
.
. (And a never ending list)
.
.
(Does you heart beat fast when you read this too? ^^)

It's better to have loved and be loved than to never have loved before. #truestory
Mustered all my courage to write this. Not an easy confession even after all that we've been through.
The good times are really for keeps, but sometimes the bad times just make me wanna pack up and leave so badly.
We've both had the notion of giving up, yet we're still holding on.
I'm luvin our special bond (not easy to come by for 2 lovers) and I hope you won't give it up and you'll fight for me when the time comes.

I ♥ you, Yong Rui Ming.

Never saw 'I Love You' as a trend
'Cause I don't really work like that
I mean what I say when it leaves my lips, oh
Nothin' you could say would change my heart
'Cause I don't really love like that
If you'd only let me in I'd show ya
But I'm tired of workin' so hard

You keep pushin' me away 
Tearin' down your walls
Is Forcing Me to break
Don't know what to say will you ever let me in
It's hard for me to pretend
So tell me what you wanna do tell me is there any other way

'Cause goodbye's on the tip of my tongue
Tell me there's a reason to say
Cause I'm about to get up and run
Better Think about the words you say
If You don't wanna end up alone
Tell me is there any room for me
Cause when it's all said and done babe
I'm tired of singin', oh
Goodbye's on the tip of my tongue, oh
Goodbye's on the tip of my...

Never confuse me with where you've been
Cause I don't really work like that
If I'm holdin you then I'm all in
I know you're scared, yeah you've been burned
But I Won't Ever hurt you like that
If you'd take a chance I'm not like them

Give and get nothin' in return
You don't seem to care
You're not the only one who hurt"Tell me what you wanna do tell me is there any other way

Cause goodbye's on the tip of my tongue
Tell me there's a reason to say
Cause I'm about to get up and run
Better Think about the words you say
If You don't wanna end up alone
Tell me is there any room for me
Cause when it's all said and done babe
I'm tired of singin', oh
Goodbye's on the tip of my tongue, oh
Goodbye's on the tip of my tongue, oh
Goodbye's on the tip of my tongue, oh
Goodbye's on the tip of my...

Why ya gotta pull away
Pull Away And Leave me hangin'
Why Ya Gotta Make me Say
Don't make me say what you've been thinkin' all along, oh

Love conquers most, but not all

Pleasant surprise last night :) 

Never expected to receive anything this year, you would know what I mean if you'd read my previous blogpost.

Yes, I did have a date.

Proudly annoucing...............

MY COMPUTER! ^^

He was so efficient in providing me the latest updates about happy couples everywhere, yeah.

From various sources - twitter, foursquare, instagram. 

Hohoho all the happy couples sharing their joyous moments while I happily try not to feel too depressed.

It's okay! My date still did a great job, he actually played awesome music to ease my mind :)

Spent the first hour of Valentine's with my awesome gfs ^^

Okay I sound so retarded. Here's reality:

My boy fell asleep the previous night without wishing me happy valentines till noon. (small matter)

Next, we argued and I was so frustrated I din even know if we were celebrating this occasion.

Like should I even do him a post Valentines card or get him a present? Tskkkk.

Did my nails on Vday too, mine's the one on the right! teehee as professional as the manicured one on the left right!

Sometimes I don't have any clue about what I'm hanging on to, really.

This complicated thing between us is deficit of passion and spice.

Almost 6 mths 'together' and yet we've not much memorable events to boast of.

Tired of how unromantic and how insensitive you can be.

Andwhenyoufeelmyheartbeating, doyoufeelthesame

SHIAAATTTT. My bodyclock is officially screwed. Just ended yet another mahjong session earlier and my body refuses to hibernate for the night (technically,morning).
I probably look more haggard anyone's mum now lah wtf. LOL
NEED TO SLEEP. kkz time to force thyself to bed.

And guess what. I just realised it's only a day away from Valentine's. Sometimes I feel like a full fledged single, yet I still harbour hopes for a memorable V day despite knowing better not to expect anything. Sighhhhh. I really wish I could actually look forward to celebrating a memorable occasion with you. From special dates and joyous occasions like my birthday, 11.11.11, Christmas to New Year's day, AND NOW Valentine's Day, I have never received anything really special, nor have you made much effort to bring me to somewhere nice to celebrate. On the contrary, you weren't even present during these dates. I understand that you have a duty to serve the nation, but the least you could do was to make up for it in some other way?

Ever since the disappointment of the 3 major dates - my birthday, 11.11.11 and New Year's day, I decided to drop all hopes of any surprise in store for me. Waited and waited but they never happened. I could probably incubate an egg while waiting. It really feels like I'm expecting money to descend from the sky.-thoughts and wishes that are so far from my reach.. It's hard to keep faith in something verbal, I need to see you put them into action.

Mutual love is hard to come by, and I hope you'll fcking treasure it cuz when all is lost, you'll only see yourself weeping badly in a pile of regrets.

P/s: Anybody up to be my date for Valentine's? LOL. I'm not gonna be stuck hibernating all day. Hahaha

What's the language of love?

Last night: Mahjong + Domino's pizza for dinner @ bby's place:)

Winning tiles? LOL I ALSO WISH I CAN WIN WITH SUCH TILES HAHA

play mahjong halfway almost fall asleep LOL.

Meixuan!! The one who always wins my money in mj LOLOL.

Dressed to club but ended up mj with us HAHAHA (Y)

Still super annoyed at your actions earlier.

You were in no position to do that towards me no matter how angry you were. Worse, you were the one at fault?! Your anger doesn't warrant your actions.

I cannot help thinking how easy it was for you to 'ask me to leave'. Fuck youuuu, if I'd really gone off would you chase after me? I could have left right then. So fcking angry I swear. Zzzz.
The whole situation is too embarrassing for words.

And you really say the most incredulous things sometimes.
How can I be hiding away & chatting happily to someone else when I'm so obviously pissed at you?
If I wanted to show you my 'happiness' and 'I don't give a damn' attitude, I would have done it right in your face. I sourced a hiding spot for a very simple reason -  I needed to vent without your presence. I was pissed and I refuse remain in the same room as you, simply because you were aggravating my anger instead of helping  to pacify it!

I took a leap of faith to trust you, and I hope you won't disappoint.

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness"

Wish upon a rainbow

Bby looks cute but I look like sheeet in here :>

Missed you YRM!

Hope today will be a great day out, though I look so shitty and fatigue is overwhelming me. #lastwarning

Good luck to me for my paper later!! #selftalk. 

Okay byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Like a broken arrow

I kinda get what people mean when they say depressional thoughts are contagious.
And I think I've been infected.
When you're feeling all time low and the people around you ain't doing any better themselves, the virus spreads like wildfire, it's easy to get hooked on.

So I've spent a lot of the past 3 days reblogging emotional tumblr quotes (on a seperate tumblr which I newly created - obviously I won't taint the timeline of my public tumblr with negativity.) There's always this dark side of everyone, of which I keep mine in check pretty well. Yes, my insecurities would probably eat me up alive. I can't let all the shit in my head get to me so I'm blocking them out on a daily basis.

It's quite fucked up, I disgust myself wondering why I feel this maze of emotions which I can never seem to resolve.
And its a vicious cycle that hits the rewind button every time night befalls.

That said, sometimes I do feel like an expert in being emotionless.
It's gotten to the point that I can actually numb myself and eradicate the pain immediately.
No thoughts, no feelings, just point blank.
It's been chucked into the RAM of my mind, waiting for someone to agitate it before I stash it deeper.
The safe zone. Where all my pain is contained, and no one can reach it. Not even ME. LOL
It's a place where I avoid visiting, and I'll prolly need to move mountains before I'd  be willing to budge near those boundaries.
Yes, I've locked up those feelings well.

OKAY THIS IS A SUPER RANDOM POST.

On a happier note, FINAL YEAR PRESENTATION IS OFFICIALLY OVER!
Now I'm left with the bits and pieces of work to clear up - reflective essays, peer evaluation, last min tutorials etc. HEHEHEHE.

I can't believe I actually managed to sail through this major project despite all the negative experiences that cropped up along the way. (Everyone had conflicts, relationship problems yada yada the list goes on) The process to getting this project done was super tedious, how many sleepless and late nights that saw me through hearing the morning birds and sleeping only when the Sun was up.
I really can't wait for this week to be over, and 12 days to study before my 2 final papers, AND GRADUATE!!!!!

GRADUATION IS ANOTHER SCARY PROCESS I WILL TALK ABOUT IN A LATER POST.
Gonna rush my BCOMM Sales Solution now, CIAOSSSSSS ^^

Stel, Me, Reina!

P/s: Happy with my winnings in banluck + baccarat @ Mingzhou's house last Saturday!

Pp/s: I really wanna have a gathering with all my Secondary sch gfs soon. Still owe Wanlim a birthday surprise and dinner since Dec 5. Everyone's been so busy and all. Sighhhhhh. ):

Cause someone's bound to hear my cries

Somewhere inside me screams: I'M NOT GOING TO SETTLE FOR SECOND BEST.ONLY THE BEST.
You're one out of how many millions in the world, and I chose to be with you.
But if you're not proud of me, I see no reason in being stuck 'underground' anymore. I've given in for 5 frigging months. I don't see any more point in waiting till half a year, then a year, and the next?
It's not gonna be that smooth for you alright? You want someone, take responsibility and be proud of your girl.
A guy once told me, if a guy really wanted a girl, he would do all he can to make the girl 'his', and to make her utmost happy so that she wouldn't even want to lay her eyes on others'.
Why don't I feel the same from you?

Know why 'title' is important sometimes?
******WHY??******
It's like a man's second job. It comes with responsibilities. You feel a sense of belonging and you're more inclined to do your best in it. Most of the time, excellent behaviour reaps double results.
Ever heard the phrase give and take? A satisfied woman is more willing to please her man. She'll be so happy to maybe...perfect her culinary skills and whip you the best dish on earth? HAHAHA

But without it, anyone(including you) can easily shred someone's heart and go like 'awwww, it's her own problem, she took things a tad too seriously' or 'I never looked upon her as a future gf, she merely assumed'
My point being: You can pack up and leave anytime, it's commitment and hassle free! There's no obligation to put up a proper fight for her, because it was never your full investment to start with. As compared to someone who's put in their all to cherish their girl, what's there to fight for if you've only invested half fcked efforts?

No more restrictions, no more me taking initiative 80% of the time, no more arduous and torturous waits, no more regrets for you.
If you want me, then you know what to do.
If I second guessed you, prove me wrong.
Don't let me be the one that got away.

How do I find the perfect fit?

CNY at gekchong's house last tuesday! (2nd day of CNY)

Hi all.

An 8-hr nap which comes right after you've been deprived of sleep the whole day is undesirably shiok!!
I was literally awake for 24 hours straight just to chiong for my mobile application and I REALLY  felt like superwoman there and then.
Obviously I was elated when my efforts paid off and the presentation turned out well HEHE ^^
The feeling which comes from accomplishing your own original ideas is unbeatable. It's as yummy and as palatable as the feeeling of eating after you've been starved.
WOOP!

I'm SO FED UP with BLOGGER TEMPLATES.
Been trying to change my blogskin for the past few days but they keep coming up with some stupid error like no br closing tag, etc. So...... I went to close all the tags and the skin still failed to work.
Thing is, the same problem occurred for at least 4 or 5 different skins I've tried from various creators?!
Like what's the point in whiling my time searching for awesome skins which I can't apply to my blog?!! FARKKKK.

And I'm quite tempted to purchase my own blog domain. Hmmmmm. Should I???
COMMENT PLS THANKS. my comment board is do dead what are all you readers doing!!! hahaha

OH BUT BEFORE YOU LEAVE REMEMBER MY ADS TOO!! ^^v