I'm writing this post a lot faster than the last one. I think it's because this birth was so much better it's easier to talk about. When we went to our first doctor's appointment she mentioned that she was worried about the birth because of my terrible tearing last time. She said she was worried that if I had tearing again it might cause permanent damage. We decided to talk about it as the birth got closer and we could see how much the baby weighs and how big she looked. At my 36 week appointment Brandon came with me so we could discuss everything in detail. After talking we decided the best option would be to do a c-section. Basically if everything went perfectly with a normal birth I would have an easier recovery etc but if I tore anything above 2nd degree there were pretty good chances I would struggle with my problems I've had from Tyler's birth permanently. We decided it really wasn't worth the risk just because I didn't want a harder recovery. My doctor also said even if I had recovered perfectly from 4th degree tearing and not had my problems, recovering from a c-section would still be easier. If the baby was over 7 pounds she was worried I might tear badly again. I figured there was very little chance after having an 8 pound 10 ounce baby that I would get one under 7 pounds. At 37 weeks I did an ultrasound to see how big she was and she was already 6 pounds 9 ounces. I'm glad I did the ultrasound because it definitely confirmed our decision to go with the c-section. With three more weeks to go I knew she wouldn't be under 7 pounds.
At 38 weeks Brandon and Tyler got really sick with a flu like virus. I didn't get it so I took care of them for a few days. At 38 weeks and a few days I got sick so Brandon had to take extra time off work to take care of Tyler because I couldn't get out of bed. I basically was throwing up every hour and couldn't keep any liquids or food down. at about 16 hours of puking every hour I decided I'd had enough and we called the on call doctor to see if I needed to come in for fluids. At first she told us we could just go to an insta care until I told her I hadn't felt the baby in a little while and she told me to come into labor and delivery for fluids and monitoring. Brandon's parents took tyler for the night and we went down to St Marks. we haphazardly threw an overnight bag together thinking we would probably just get an IV and come home. we got checked in and into a triage room where they started me on IV zofran and fluids. It showed I was having contractions on the monitor but I couldn't feel them. The on call doctor said If I was having that many contractions he would just start me into labor if I was dilated enough but I was only dilated to a 2. They decided to keep me over night because I was still throwing up and very sick so they checked me into a room which was actually the same one I gave birth to Tyler in. I stayed on the monitors all night with IV fluids. I wasn't responding to the IV zofran very well because I kept throwing up. I think i'm pretty immune to zofran because i was taking it my entire pregnancy (both pregnancies) because I was so sick all the time. At about 6 in the morning the nurse came in and told me that the baby wasn't looking good. Her heart rate was spiking up to 190 and she was supposed to be under 160. They had put me on oxygen a few times during the night to try and calm her down but it really wasn't working. The nurse got kind of somber and told me they usually don't like to induce babies when they are stressed because it usually makes it worse so they would probably need to do a c-section. I told her we were already planning on it so that's fine and she got very happy. She said usually that conversation doesn't go well and people are very disappointed so she was glad she didn't have to disappoint me. My doctor would be in at 7 AM and they thought they could do the c-section around nine. I was super anxious waiting for her to come because I really wanted to have the baby and I was hoping she would actually recommend that. she came in and told me she didn't really want to do it because she was worried about being sick and throwing up after having the c-section would really suck but she said it really would be best for us and since I wanted to we could do it at nine. I had 6 bags of IV fluids and still hadn't peed very much so I was really dehydrated. My doctor said the nurses told her I was one of the sickest people they had seen. I had to laugh because I somehow always end up being the worst case scenario. My problems from tearing happen to less than 1% of people, I went to get a massage for back pain this pregnancy and she told me I was the tightest and one of the worst she's ever seen. When I went to physical therapy to help with my problems from Tyler's birth she said I was one of the worst she's ever seen. I got HG which happens very rarely. Seriously I don't know how I'm always the worst but it's gotten to the point where it's funny.
Anyway The nurse did all the paper work and prepped me to go back. I got the spinal block which was super weird feeling because it basically felt like i had lost my legs. they laid me down on the table and I was waiting for them to start but my doctor told me she had already started. It didn't hurt at first but right as they got the baby out my shoulders started killing me and I was shaking really badly. They said its normal because as they open you up the gas gets released and you just can't feel it anywhere else because of the spinal block so your shoulders hurt a lot. they showed us Brooke and then took her to suction her nose and get her cleaned up. Brandon got to go with her to the little room off the OR and watch while they finished closing me up. She was born at exactly 10 AM. I got to look at her while Brandon held her until they took her away again because she had rattled breathing. everything was fine after they suctioned her again and she was perfectly healthy and didn't seem to be affected by my sickness or being stressed. At this point I was pretty miserable and I remember looking back at the clock thinking only about 15 more minutes I can make it. A c-section is really weird because they can block pain receptors but you can still feel them moving stuff around and tugging and pulling. Its really just an unpleasant feeling but I think it wouldn't have been as bad if I wouldn't have been sick and drained. My doctor was worried I would throw up during the surgery because she said almost 50% of patients throw up. Luckily I didn't throw up at all, what can I say I'm an absolute expert at barfing and I know how to control it. Totally not a skill you want to have but I have all kinds of knowledge and skills you wouldn't want when it comes to throwing up. Finally I heard them start counting the instruments to make sure everything was accounted for and for some silly reason that got me through the rest of the surgery because i thought it was cool. after it was all done we went back to our room and got to hold Brooke and call and tell our families she was here until they moved us up to the second floor where we would stay for the next 3 days.
This was definitely a different experience but I honestly liked it so much better! Tyler's birth was really traumatic for me because I did natural and because of the tearing. I had magically blocked out how painful that tearing was until recently it all came flooding back to me and I now remember how horrible it was. a c-section is indeed major surgery and its very hard to recover from but it really was easier than last time. Unfortunately I was really nauseous for about a week after I had her and that was the worst part. The pain was manageable but I was really looking forward to having the baby and not being sick anymore. After 9 months of sickness its pretty disappointing to do another week of it but once it was gone I started doing a lot better. Luckily I didn't throw up again until about 5 or six days after the surgery because after a c-section using your abs in anyway kills! it definitely hurt a lot to throw up but once the nausea went away I've been barf free! HURRAY! My sickness started at 8 weeks this time (two weeks less than last time YAY) and I made it to 38 weeks thats 30 weeks of barfing so 210 times. Lets just say I was glad to be done and I can't even believe I probably did at least 245 times last time if I only accounted for once daily. The reality is it was probably double that and then some, I bet it was at least 500 times and probably a lot more accounting for the times i threw up 15+ times a day. YUCK! Overall this pregnancy was a ton better. I didn't get HG and that was awesome. I was a lot more emotional this time but that's probably because I have a toddler to look after. I can happily say though I'm back to normal with emotions (mostly except for a few baby blues which is to be expected). One major difference in this birth was when I met Brooke for the first time it wasn't the same magical experience. I think it's because I was sick and didn't get to hold her for a while and I really had to focus on helping myself heal and finish the surgery. It was just a different kind of bonding because it was such a different experience. i didn't get that "wow this is my baby" feeling until a little later. Having done both a c-section and normal delivery now I can say I liked the c-section more. I definitely wouldn't choose it though if I wouldn't have gone through what I did. They say it is major surgery and they really mean it. If you have to have one it's totally doable but a normal delivery (baring any complications) is easier in the long run. Since I had to do months of physical therapy and a bunch of other stuff to heal from Tyler's birth it really took me a solid 6 months before I was back to myself. This time it's been three weeks and I'm already feeling back to normal. I'm definitely still in pain if I sneeze or laugh too hard or do too much activity like lifting Tyler too much but other than that I'm not having any of the problems I did last time. I'm just really grateful for my amazing doctor and modern medicine that gave me options for my birth. I love the staff at St. Marks and they really made the whole experience as good as a surgery can be :). We are loving having sweet Brooke with us and I'm so grateful that shes here.
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Friday, October 3, 2014
lessons from my first year as a mom
I wanted to write this around Tyler's first birthday but being sick, pregnant, and taking care of a 15 month old takes all of my energy. In the last few days I've sort of felt like doing some of my hobbies again so I'm taking advantage of that. I want to write a post about what I've learned in my first year of being a mom. Like everyone else, I want to share all my advice because I want to be so helpful. Too bad this idea just doesn't really work. Parents need to learn things on their own and the most helpful thing to me probably won't do any good for you but I'm writing it anyway because I want to.
1. Give up on life for the first few months of your child's life.
Seriously, don't feel bad if you haven't cleaned your house in a month, haven't showered in a few days, or your child may or not be wearing any clothes because they have pooped through all their onesies and you just can't handle the laundry right now. Give yourself a break! You probably haven't slept properly in months, you're trying to figure out nursing/how to feed your baby, how to shower when your child is crying themselves hoarse the second you put the shampoo in your hair etc. You just underwent nine months of growing a human being and hours and hours of labor not to mention possible c-sections, tearing or other complications. Most likely, no one is judging you but you. Your life WILL return to normal. I promise it really will sooner than you think. When we took Tyler to his 2 day hospital follow up doctor visit we set alarms to wake up at 7 AM so we could get to his appointment at 11:30. We did in fact take all 4 hours of that to get ready and we barely made it in time. I couldn't possibly imagine how I would ever get to his two week appointment by myself. Guess what, I made it! I was able to get him out and do things sooner than I thought. Those first few months you sort of feel like you will never do anything normal again but you will, so just do whatever it takes to get through those first months.
2. Stop reading parenting books
Put it down!! There is nothing in there that will magically get your child to sleep, nurse better, never cry, or make everything better. There are helpful things, it's fun to see what your child might be doing this week and they can be helpful for learning nutrition etc but overall they just don't fit your child. Nothing will. No one will know your child like you do. No, not even grandparents, sisters, best friends. What your baby needs is you. Sure a loving grandma might get your baby to sleep when you couldn't but they won't be able to do it all the time. You will know how your child likes to be held, what comforts them, what worked for the other person's child might not work for yours. Your child is a human being, trust me they come out with their own ideas about what they want to do in life. They sleep or they don't. They cry all the time or they don't. They nurse quickly or slowly or not at all. Books just make you feel like a failure when the technique doesn't work. We often think babies are these controllable little things but just like you and me they have emotions and no book is going to solve everything. Just like me writing this post probably won't be relevant to you because it's my experience not yours.
3. Nurse! or Don't, it really won't make a difference in the long run
Have you ever seen a smart successful person and thought "Boy I bet they were breastfed! That was really the key to their development." I'm going to guess that you haven't, no one thinks about those things by the time your child has stopped nursing. Personally I chose to nurse but boy was it a tough road. The first month was like a circus freak show! I was sitting there with a nursing pillow, more pillows to support my back, a step stool to support my feet, totally topless, shooting milk across the room because I had a very forceful letdown with Brandon latching the baby and most likely crying. In the mean time Tyler was kicking like a bucking bronco, rooting around in the opposite direction, crying and snorting like a pig all at the same time. SERIOUSLY??? Who signed us up for this madness? If you can stick it out, it gets better. It took me about three months before I felt like I had it down and could maybe even nurse outside the house. You know those girls you see nursing their baby in public no problem? Just remember their babies are probably a lot older, they might have just gotten a good nurser or they have nursed before. My point is don't feel bad if nursing doesn't work. I think it's worth trying your hardest but don't ever let a book or pamphlet make you feel like if you don't nurse you're baby will have a host of problems and you're a failure. No one will take into account breast feeding except for the study that's telling you how much better breast fed babies fare. If it works, you like it and want to do it GREAT, if it doesn't, meh who cares. Sure it's cheaper and sometimes easier and probably better for baby but it has its downsides too. My kid wouldn't ever take a bottle so I was 100% tied to him all the time for an entire year. No one could feed him but me until he finally got old enough to eat solids. I was uncomfortable nursing in public so I always ended up in a bathroom stall or missing out on conversations because I chose to go somewhere private to nurse. It's a very personal choice and honestly either way is fine.
4. Don't go in with a rigid mindset of what you plan for your child
You know those moms who breastfeed, only use organic cloth diapers, feed their baby homemade food, and are up in public like 3 days after they've had a baby? They are awesome, if that's important to you way to go! If that doesn't work out for you though, you're awesome too! If you have really set ideas that you are going to do all those things perfectly, chances are it won't work. Pick something that's really important to you, do that well and the other things just do whatever works. For me feeding healthy foods is my important thing. I made a lot of homemade baby food and I enjoyed doing it. That way I had something I was in control of and for everything else that didn't work out as planned I didn't have to feel bad about because I didn't have crazy high expectations.
5. Don't accept the myth that you're body will never be the same after childbirth
It will be different, you should accept and love that body but it also doesn't have to "never be the same." It might take some work but that's ok. Don't exercise until you've recovered and healed (recovery takes way longer than 6 weeks, more like Months to a year) and worry more about being healthy than losing weight. The most important part about this is if you are having problems from child birth get help! As my sister in law said, "this is not your new normal" I had severe 4th degree tearing that was causing very serious problems for me. I sort of bought into the idea that everyone tells you that your body just isn't going to be the same but that is not the case for problems. After about 4 months I finally went in for help and it made a huge difference. I didn't really realize it because I just assumed this was my new body but I was in a ridiculous amount of pain. I couldn't bend my knees without it hurting, lift my baby without it hurting my shoulders and back, walk without pain, or stand up from a couch without it hurting. My body was in severe shock from having Hypermesis Gravidarum during my first trimester, extreme sickness for the entire nine months, not being able to exercise or eat well because I was too sick, gaining 50 pounds on my tiny 5'2" frame, a natural child birth and bad tearing. Long story short, my body was a total wreck and I didn't even really know it until I got help. I went to a women's specific physical therapist who helped me a ton. I left my first appointment in tears because she pretty much gave me a doomsday diagnosis wanting to see me twice a week for months. I think after she did some work and I realized that what was happening to me was not normal I made a ton of progress and only needed to be seen a couple of times a month. I didn't know women's specific physical therapists existed. There aren't that many but they work wonders! It's super invasive and totally awkward but they can help with anything from incontinence issues to getting in shape to just making your you know what feel better (sorry TMI). My sister told me several times to go get help but I think I was sort of in denial. I didn't want to be having problems and I just wanted to accept the your body will never be the same mentality. Once I got help I realized I could exercise again and enjoy it. I could lose weight and get healthy again and it was amazing! Before I got pregnant again when Tyler was about 9 months old I had lost almost all 50 pounds, I was feeling healthy and strong. Honestly I was sort of stronger than before I got pregnant because I actually had to work for it. In summary, love those stretch marks, love that pouch you just can't quite get rid of, be proud of what you did but you also don't have to accept pain, weakness or other problems. Your body can actually be pretty much the same as it was before child birth with time and some effort.
6. Invest in some sort of baby gear that is important to you
I got a lot of hand me down baby gear. This was awesome because it saved us a ton of money and babies don't use a lot of things for more than a few months so it is silly to buy things brand new when you can easily get gently used. However it will really help your sanity if you buy some clothes or decorations or something for baby that you really love. My big purchase was my stroller. I'm so happy I bought it. I love going on walks and we go out daily no matter the weather. It's nice to buy something you really want that you're going to use a lot and then don't be afraid to accept hand me downs for things you don't care as much about
7. Don't be afraid to ask for help but also trust your instincts
We all need help, its ok to ask. Don't forget though that you've got this! You know what you're doing. It might not be the right way for someone else, but it is for you and your family. Don't look at what everyone else is doing and think you're not doing things right because you are. If its right for you and your family then you're doing things the "right" way. In fact there is no "right" way, don't bother looking for it.
8. Don't worry about the "studies show" articles
When I got pregnant I started reading a pregnancy book and some online forums like baby center. They all say that women who eat healthy and exercise during pregnancy have healthier babies. If you eat junk food you're predisposing your baby to heart disease, diabetes, they're more likely to want unhealthy foods blah blah blah. So I believed them, I ate healthy for a week. Then I started barfing, 3-20 times a day. I couldn't eat anything much less a healthy meal. Have you ever thrown up vegetables or whole wheat bread??? Its HORRIBLE. My experience with hypermesis gravidarum and pregnancy sickness is a post for another day but lets just say I was unable to do anything healthy. I think by my third trimester I could eat some fruit in the form of a smoothie. I couldn't exercise because I'd throw up. I couldn't eat healthy foods because I'd throw up. I couldn't stay hydrated because if I drank anything that wasn't exactly what I needed that day I'd throw up. I could barely eat junk food without throwing up. I'm not exaggerating when I say I built my son on dehydration, mashed potatoes, chicken nuggets, diet coke, dr. pepper, macaroni and cheese, canned chicken noodle soup, frozen entrees, and nacho cheese and I barfed most of that up so he was pretty much built on nothing. I went from one extreme to the other with weight loss and then excessive weight gain. I had a horrible pregnancy and a pretty bad birth with lots of long term problems. Guess what, my baby is healthy as can be, he eats great and loves healthy foods. He doesn't like sweets more than any other baby out there. Just because they did a study doesn't really mean that's how your child's life is going to be. You are the one in control, not a study. This pregnancy has been liberating because I'm still too sick to eat well but I don't care. I don't have to stress myself out about all the so called damage I'm doing my child. The ideal thing doesn't work for me because I just have really bad pregnancies so I'm doing what does. I am not defined by a study and neither is my child. This goes for breastfeeding, leaving your baby in a swing for too long, letting them have a Binky, holding them too much, holding them too little and any other study they want to throw your way. Stop worrying about it and do what works for you. I maintain that if my grandmother could raise three healthy children feeding them canned milk with a tablespoon of Karo syrup mixed in, then your kids are going to turn out just fine!
I think that's all I've got. Sorry that was a long post. Hope this helps someone. I think my number one summary lesson is no one is watching you, you get to do what you want. You're the parent, and a dang good one at that. Whatever you're doing to get through the day is what's working for you so stick to it!
1. Give up on life for the first few months of your child's life.
Seriously, don't feel bad if you haven't cleaned your house in a month, haven't showered in a few days, or your child may or not be wearing any clothes because they have pooped through all their onesies and you just can't handle the laundry right now. Give yourself a break! You probably haven't slept properly in months, you're trying to figure out nursing/how to feed your baby, how to shower when your child is crying themselves hoarse the second you put the shampoo in your hair etc. You just underwent nine months of growing a human being and hours and hours of labor not to mention possible c-sections, tearing or other complications. Most likely, no one is judging you but you. Your life WILL return to normal. I promise it really will sooner than you think. When we took Tyler to his 2 day hospital follow up doctor visit we set alarms to wake up at 7 AM so we could get to his appointment at 11:30. We did in fact take all 4 hours of that to get ready and we barely made it in time. I couldn't possibly imagine how I would ever get to his two week appointment by myself. Guess what, I made it! I was able to get him out and do things sooner than I thought. Those first few months you sort of feel like you will never do anything normal again but you will, so just do whatever it takes to get through those first months.
2. Stop reading parenting books
Put it down!! There is nothing in there that will magically get your child to sleep, nurse better, never cry, or make everything better. There are helpful things, it's fun to see what your child might be doing this week and they can be helpful for learning nutrition etc but overall they just don't fit your child. Nothing will. No one will know your child like you do. No, not even grandparents, sisters, best friends. What your baby needs is you. Sure a loving grandma might get your baby to sleep when you couldn't but they won't be able to do it all the time. You will know how your child likes to be held, what comforts them, what worked for the other person's child might not work for yours. Your child is a human being, trust me they come out with their own ideas about what they want to do in life. They sleep or they don't. They cry all the time or they don't. They nurse quickly or slowly or not at all. Books just make you feel like a failure when the technique doesn't work. We often think babies are these controllable little things but just like you and me they have emotions and no book is going to solve everything. Just like me writing this post probably won't be relevant to you because it's my experience not yours.
3. Nurse! or Don't, it really won't make a difference in the long run
Have you ever seen a smart successful person and thought "Boy I bet they were breastfed! That was really the key to their development." I'm going to guess that you haven't, no one thinks about those things by the time your child has stopped nursing. Personally I chose to nurse but boy was it a tough road. The first month was like a circus freak show! I was sitting there with a nursing pillow, more pillows to support my back, a step stool to support my feet, totally topless, shooting milk across the room because I had a very forceful letdown with Brandon latching the baby and most likely crying. In the mean time Tyler was kicking like a bucking bronco, rooting around in the opposite direction, crying and snorting like a pig all at the same time. SERIOUSLY??? Who signed us up for this madness? If you can stick it out, it gets better. It took me about three months before I felt like I had it down and could maybe even nurse outside the house. You know those girls you see nursing their baby in public no problem? Just remember their babies are probably a lot older, they might have just gotten a good nurser or they have nursed before. My point is don't feel bad if nursing doesn't work. I think it's worth trying your hardest but don't ever let a book or pamphlet make you feel like if you don't nurse you're baby will have a host of problems and you're a failure. No one will take into account breast feeding except for the study that's telling you how much better breast fed babies fare. If it works, you like it and want to do it GREAT, if it doesn't, meh who cares. Sure it's cheaper and sometimes easier and probably better for baby but it has its downsides too. My kid wouldn't ever take a bottle so I was 100% tied to him all the time for an entire year. No one could feed him but me until he finally got old enough to eat solids. I was uncomfortable nursing in public so I always ended up in a bathroom stall or missing out on conversations because I chose to go somewhere private to nurse. It's a very personal choice and honestly either way is fine.
4. Don't go in with a rigid mindset of what you plan for your child
You know those moms who breastfeed, only use organic cloth diapers, feed their baby homemade food, and are up in public like 3 days after they've had a baby? They are awesome, if that's important to you way to go! If that doesn't work out for you though, you're awesome too! If you have really set ideas that you are going to do all those things perfectly, chances are it won't work. Pick something that's really important to you, do that well and the other things just do whatever works. For me feeding healthy foods is my important thing. I made a lot of homemade baby food and I enjoyed doing it. That way I had something I was in control of and for everything else that didn't work out as planned I didn't have to feel bad about because I didn't have crazy high expectations.
5. Don't accept the myth that you're body will never be the same after childbirth
It will be different, you should accept and love that body but it also doesn't have to "never be the same." It might take some work but that's ok. Don't exercise until you've recovered and healed (recovery takes way longer than 6 weeks, more like Months to a year) and worry more about being healthy than losing weight. The most important part about this is if you are having problems from child birth get help! As my sister in law said, "this is not your new normal" I had severe 4th degree tearing that was causing very serious problems for me. I sort of bought into the idea that everyone tells you that your body just isn't going to be the same but that is not the case for problems. After about 4 months I finally went in for help and it made a huge difference. I didn't really realize it because I just assumed this was my new body but I was in a ridiculous amount of pain. I couldn't bend my knees without it hurting, lift my baby without it hurting my shoulders and back, walk without pain, or stand up from a couch without it hurting. My body was in severe shock from having Hypermesis Gravidarum during my first trimester, extreme sickness for the entire nine months, not being able to exercise or eat well because I was too sick, gaining 50 pounds on my tiny 5'2" frame, a natural child birth and bad tearing. Long story short, my body was a total wreck and I didn't even really know it until I got help. I went to a women's specific physical therapist who helped me a ton. I left my first appointment in tears because she pretty much gave me a doomsday diagnosis wanting to see me twice a week for months. I think after she did some work and I realized that what was happening to me was not normal I made a ton of progress and only needed to be seen a couple of times a month. I didn't know women's specific physical therapists existed. There aren't that many but they work wonders! It's super invasive and totally awkward but they can help with anything from incontinence issues to getting in shape to just making your you know what feel better (sorry TMI). My sister told me several times to go get help but I think I was sort of in denial. I didn't want to be having problems and I just wanted to accept the your body will never be the same mentality. Once I got help I realized I could exercise again and enjoy it. I could lose weight and get healthy again and it was amazing! Before I got pregnant again when Tyler was about 9 months old I had lost almost all 50 pounds, I was feeling healthy and strong. Honestly I was sort of stronger than before I got pregnant because I actually had to work for it. In summary, love those stretch marks, love that pouch you just can't quite get rid of, be proud of what you did but you also don't have to accept pain, weakness or other problems. Your body can actually be pretty much the same as it was before child birth with time and some effort.
6. Invest in some sort of baby gear that is important to you
I got a lot of hand me down baby gear. This was awesome because it saved us a ton of money and babies don't use a lot of things for more than a few months so it is silly to buy things brand new when you can easily get gently used. However it will really help your sanity if you buy some clothes or decorations or something for baby that you really love. My big purchase was my stroller. I'm so happy I bought it. I love going on walks and we go out daily no matter the weather. It's nice to buy something you really want that you're going to use a lot and then don't be afraid to accept hand me downs for things you don't care as much about
7. Don't be afraid to ask for help but also trust your instincts
We all need help, its ok to ask. Don't forget though that you've got this! You know what you're doing. It might not be the right way for someone else, but it is for you and your family. Don't look at what everyone else is doing and think you're not doing things right because you are. If its right for you and your family then you're doing things the "right" way. In fact there is no "right" way, don't bother looking for it.
8. Don't worry about the "studies show" articles
When I got pregnant I started reading a pregnancy book and some online forums like baby center. They all say that women who eat healthy and exercise during pregnancy have healthier babies. If you eat junk food you're predisposing your baby to heart disease, diabetes, they're more likely to want unhealthy foods blah blah blah. So I believed them, I ate healthy for a week. Then I started barfing, 3-20 times a day. I couldn't eat anything much less a healthy meal. Have you ever thrown up vegetables or whole wheat bread??? Its HORRIBLE. My experience with hypermesis gravidarum and pregnancy sickness is a post for another day but lets just say I was unable to do anything healthy. I think by my third trimester I could eat some fruit in the form of a smoothie. I couldn't exercise because I'd throw up. I couldn't eat healthy foods because I'd throw up. I couldn't stay hydrated because if I drank anything that wasn't exactly what I needed that day I'd throw up. I could barely eat junk food without throwing up. I'm not exaggerating when I say I built my son on dehydration, mashed potatoes, chicken nuggets, diet coke, dr. pepper, macaroni and cheese, canned chicken noodle soup, frozen entrees, and nacho cheese and I barfed most of that up so he was pretty much built on nothing. I went from one extreme to the other with weight loss and then excessive weight gain. I had a horrible pregnancy and a pretty bad birth with lots of long term problems. Guess what, my baby is healthy as can be, he eats great and loves healthy foods. He doesn't like sweets more than any other baby out there. Just because they did a study doesn't really mean that's how your child's life is going to be. You are the one in control, not a study. This pregnancy has been liberating because I'm still too sick to eat well but I don't care. I don't have to stress myself out about all the so called damage I'm doing my child. The ideal thing doesn't work for me because I just have really bad pregnancies so I'm doing what does. I am not defined by a study and neither is my child. This goes for breastfeeding, leaving your baby in a swing for too long, letting them have a Binky, holding them too much, holding them too little and any other study they want to throw your way. Stop worrying about it and do what works for you. I maintain that if my grandmother could raise three healthy children feeding them canned milk with a tablespoon of Karo syrup mixed in, then your kids are going to turn out just fine!
I think that's all I've got. Sorry that was a long post. Hope this helps someone. I think my number one summary lesson is no one is watching you, you get to do what you want. You're the parent, and a dang good one at that. Whatever you're doing to get through the day is what's working for you so stick to it!
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
My birth story
A lot of my friends are writing their birth stories and i think they are fun to read so i've decided to share mine. I've debated telling it because it's pretty personal and not the most pleasant story. The more I read other people's though the more I've decided very few people have the perfect go to the hospital get your epidural and have the baby story so here it is (and it's long, whoops).
When I went in for my 37 week checkup and she said I had started dilating, it seemed too good to be true. After suffering through 9 months of sickness and pain I thought maybe he would come a little early and end my nightmare. Sadly though he held on in there until he was 5 days overdue. Each week I went for my checkup I was dilated a little more and at my last checkup I was dilated to a 4 and 90% effaced. I was annoyed because I thought plenty of woman are in the hospital waiting for epidurals at this point and I'm walking around still sick and nothing's happening. The day before he was due I got this big burst of energy, cleaned my whole house, and finished packing our hospital bags. I was certain he was coming the next day. It was one of 2 days in my entire pregnancy that I felt good. Its a little sad when you only have two days you can remember feeling well from the time I got sick one week after we found out I was pregnant. On the 19th when he was due I sat around all day just waiting for him to come. I think I knew I wasn't just magically going to start contractions but I was determined that was going to be the last day I threw up so I honestly kept thinking any second I was going to start contractions and he would be here. Of course that didn't happen and I woke up on the 20th and burst into tears. I seriously couldn't believe that after 9 months of feeling horrible I was going to have to be pregnant for some more time. Each day he didn't come I was a little bit more devastated. Finally on the 22nd I started having contractions at about 6 at night. They were inconsistent but I figured they would get stronger as time went on. I managed to sleep through the whole night even though I vaguely remember waking up a few times in pain. I kept having contractions all day the 23rd but they were not close enough together to go to the hospital. We went to lunch with my sister and brother in law and while we were there my contractions were finally coming 5 minutes apart. We went home and I fully expected to go to the hospital but they tapered off again and would come every 3-10 minutes. we ended up just watching TV while I timed contractions on my app. I decided to make Brandon some dinner because it felt good to get my mind off of it and as soon as he had a few bites i knew it was time to go. Suddenly my contractions went from manageable to really painful and I told Brandon it was time. He started running around the house frantically looking for things while I calmly breathed through each contraction telling him everything was in the bag just put it in the car and lets go. It was sort of the classic comical scene you see on TV when the wife is in labor.
We got to the hospital and my contractions didn't hurt as bad so I was sort of afraid I'd get sent home. Luckily though I was at a 6/7 dilation so I was admitted and given my IV. It was silly but I was so excited for my IV. I'd spent my entire pregnancy forcing myself to drink to stay hydrated. Most of the time it made me sicker so I was ready to be hydrated without trying. I was also a little excited for my hospital gown for some weird reason. The nurse asked me what my pain management plan was and I told her I didn't really know because I felt pretty good at that point. She told me she really thought I could do it without any medication because I was pretty far along and handling it well. I decided to try it and they moved us to another room with a jetted tub so I could use that to help with the pain. After about an hour of monitoring and getting settled the nurse told me to walk the halls which would help with pain and speed the labor. At this point I was feeling pretty well and Brandon and i were talking and laughing as we walked up and down the halls. on one pass right when we were by my room I felt a flood of water and I was soaked as my water broke. Turns out it can happen like in the movies just typically not when your at the grocery store and you're rushed to the hospital. we went back into the room and she monitored me again. I was really starting to hurt at this point so she decided to have me try the tub. I don't know how long I was in there but I hated it. I was boiling hot so poor brandon had to sit there and fan me. If he even stopped for 5 seconds i would tell him he had to keep fanning me. They aren't kidding when they say labor hurts. I was stupidly trying not to get my hair wet because i didn't want to have wet hair the rest of the time. This made it sort of uncomfortable but I couldn't think straight to realize this was a stupid endeavor. Apparently when I'm totally out of it with severe pain I think about the practicality of wet hair. Brandon's family came to sit in the waiting room and i was really sad when he went out to see them for a few minutes. who was going to fan me?? Finally she had me get out of the tub so she could check me. I was certain i would be ready to push but sadly I was only at a 7/8. She had me get on my hands and knees on the bed so brandon could push on my back and try to turn Tyler around. The hospital beds are super cool and she adjusted it so I could kneel on it as comfortably as possible. She then told me she would come back in an hour to check me and I'm not sure if I showed it or not but i thought "NO you have to come back right now and tell me its time to push, this has to be over you can not come back in an hour it has to be right now!" Alas I was in for another hour before she came back. I don't know if this happens when you have an epidural but i was involuntarily shaking, a lot. I also was really hurting and i remember being embarrassed that Brandon might see my butt even though I was covered by a sheet. There are absolutely zero rational thoughts when you have been in that much pain for that long. At this point the nurse told me my doctor was going to make it for my birth and I was really happy. I thought if she could just come and tell me it would be ok I could make it. When the nurse came in again to check me she asked my how my contractions were feeling. I groaned and said "like sh**" she laughed and said finally there's that transitional phase talking. I knew that meant I was at a 9 and finally my doctor came. I had never been so glad to see her. She told me I needed to lie on my side with my leg up because that would help clear out the one side to get me to a ten. She got my on my side and said she was going to the bathroom and to get a drink and she would be back in about 20 minutes. I tried not to show it but inside I was begging her not to leave. Somehow if she left it would mean I had to keep laboring longer. Looking back I'm glad she left for the worst part and it was just brandon and I. I can tell you right now labor at the end is not one single bit like in the movies. the way they are sitting there yelling about how bad it hurts its so fake. They could not show what its like on TV though because its really bad (at least for me). I was gripping the side of the bed while involuntarily shaking and screaming. There was no stopping it no matter what I did. it wasn't like really loud screaming but I cant really think of a better word to describe it. I do remember hearing a lady loudly screaming down the hall and I thought at least I'm not doing that (like I said, zero rational thoughts). I will admit this was a little traumatic for me, I was pretty shaken up about how awful it was for like a week. Finally the doctor and nurse came back in and told me it was time to push. They let me flip over and I didn't think i would ever be so glad to push. Most people say pushing is the worst part but for me it felt way better. I got a second wind and I was ready to get him out. I have no idea how long I pushed for but it seemed like a long time even though it probably wasn't. finally I felt him come out but she kept telling me i needed to push, I was trying but there was nothing there for me to push and I was totally out of it, I thought I'd done all the work i was going to lie down and not do anything. Apparently he had gotten stuck and his shoulders hadn't turned so his head was out but his body was stuck which is why i couldn't really feel anything. unfortunately i tore very badly when he got stuck and I'm still having problems from it which I'm in physical therapy for. 7 hours after I got to the hospital Tyler came out breathing well and doing well and there really is no way to describe what it feels like to see them for the first time. for me it was happiness mixed with total relief that i wouldn't have to be sick anymore. I wouldn't have heartburn keeping me up all night, i wouldn't have to throw up every morning and be nauseated all day and I wouldn't have to keep getting bigger and bigger until i felt like I couldn't move. I held him all the way up to the recovery room where I think we all slept for quite a while. I remember the next day I ordered my meal like I was still pregnant meaning carefully avoiding foods that would make me sicker and white bread no veggies no fruit. I was eating my white roll and I looked down and thought oh my gosh I really want a wheat roll! Finally after 9 months I was back to wanting to eat healthy foods and I knew I wouldn't throw them up. The hospital was probably really impressed with my orders because I ordered veggies and fruit and wheat with every meal because i hadn't eaten them in so long. thats not a treat to most people but it really was for me. I hope I didn't scare anyone off from a natural birth. It's definitely not for the faint of heart but i think i would do it again. I'm not one of those people who will tell you about my beautiful natural birth, I'll be honest, it totally sucked! However, it felt like the right thing to do at the time. Luckily mom's get these magic hormones that make you forget or else i'm sure plenty of us would never have another child. Already I think it wasn't that bad but that's not what I thought at the time. I also have nothing but good things to say about my nurse and doctor and St Marks hospital. I'm realizing hollywood paints this picture of fun glowing pregnancies with a birth where the woman looks perfectly fine even though she's supposed to be in pain. When it doesn't go that way its a little disappointing. Luckily (or not so lucky) i watched my sister go through the same sickness problems I had and her natural home birth did not go well so I wasn't set up for too much disappointment. I fully expected my pregnancy to go as bad as hers. Moral of the story is everyone has something hard during their pregnancy, labor or postpartum stage. I feel pretty lucky that I had very few postpartum depression issues, other serious medical issues with the baby or anything else that other people have to deal with. It could always be worse. I'm finding that lots and lots of woman have troubles during labor, pregnancy or postpartum but we don't talk about it because no one wants to be the downer. I'm having troubles posting this because it's scary to talk about. I wish I could have had the fun happy pregnancy that many people get. Sometimes it's really hard to watch other girls be so happy while their pregnant because i never got that but like I said, it could always be so much worse and I'm so incredibly grateful that I even got to the chance to be pregnant because i know there are far too many people out there that don't even get a chance. I think the only benefit to my horrible pregnancy was when he came out I was ready to hit the ground running, I felt GREAT. I didn't care if I was up all night with a crying baby its was like freedom had come. People laugh when i say freedom came when he was born, for most people that's when the real work begins but i could wake up in the night and not be sick. I could pass him off to someone else, when he was inside the burden was only mine to carry. I gained 50 pounds by the time he came which is a ton on my little 5'2 frame. I was in so much pain i just wanted him to be out. I'm so grateful to have him. Every single day he blesses my life and I seriously didn't think it would be possible to love him as much as I do. So there it is. Sorry this is such a long and detailed post. I'm really nervous to hit post but here goes....
When I went in for my 37 week checkup and she said I had started dilating, it seemed too good to be true. After suffering through 9 months of sickness and pain I thought maybe he would come a little early and end my nightmare. Sadly though he held on in there until he was 5 days overdue. Each week I went for my checkup I was dilated a little more and at my last checkup I was dilated to a 4 and 90% effaced. I was annoyed because I thought plenty of woman are in the hospital waiting for epidurals at this point and I'm walking around still sick and nothing's happening. The day before he was due I got this big burst of energy, cleaned my whole house, and finished packing our hospital bags. I was certain he was coming the next day. It was one of 2 days in my entire pregnancy that I felt good. Its a little sad when you only have two days you can remember feeling well from the time I got sick one week after we found out I was pregnant. On the 19th when he was due I sat around all day just waiting for him to come. I think I knew I wasn't just magically going to start contractions but I was determined that was going to be the last day I threw up so I honestly kept thinking any second I was going to start contractions and he would be here. Of course that didn't happen and I woke up on the 20th and burst into tears. I seriously couldn't believe that after 9 months of feeling horrible I was going to have to be pregnant for some more time. Each day he didn't come I was a little bit more devastated. Finally on the 22nd I started having contractions at about 6 at night. They were inconsistent but I figured they would get stronger as time went on. I managed to sleep through the whole night even though I vaguely remember waking up a few times in pain. I kept having contractions all day the 23rd but they were not close enough together to go to the hospital. We went to lunch with my sister and brother in law and while we were there my contractions were finally coming 5 minutes apart. We went home and I fully expected to go to the hospital but they tapered off again and would come every 3-10 minutes. we ended up just watching TV while I timed contractions on my app. I decided to make Brandon some dinner because it felt good to get my mind off of it and as soon as he had a few bites i knew it was time to go. Suddenly my contractions went from manageable to really painful and I told Brandon it was time. He started running around the house frantically looking for things while I calmly breathed through each contraction telling him everything was in the bag just put it in the car and lets go. It was sort of the classic comical scene you see on TV when the wife is in labor.
We got to the hospital and my contractions didn't hurt as bad so I was sort of afraid I'd get sent home. Luckily though I was at a 6/7 dilation so I was admitted and given my IV. It was silly but I was so excited for my IV. I'd spent my entire pregnancy forcing myself to drink to stay hydrated. Most of the time it made me sicker so I was ready to be hydrated without trying. I was also a little excited for my hospital gown for some weird reason. The nurse asked me what my pain management plan was and I told her I didn't really know because I felt pretty good at that point. She told me she really thought I could do it without any medication because I was pretty far along and handling it well. I decided to try it and they moved us to another room with a jetted tub so I could use that to help with the pain. After about an hour of monitoring and getting settled the nurse told me to walk the halls which would help with pain and speed the labor. At this point I was feeling pretty well and Brandon and i were talking and laughing as we walked up and down the halls. on one pass right when we were by my room I felt a flood of water and I was soaked as my water broke. Turns out it can happen like in the movies just typically not when your at the grocery store and you're rushed to the hospital. we went back into the room and she monitored me again. I was really starting to hurt at this point so she decided to have me try the tub. I don't know how long I was in there but I hated it. I was boiling hot so poor brandon had to sit there and fan me. If he even stopped for 5 seconds i would tell him he had to keep fanning me. They aren't kidding when they say labor hurts. I was stupidly trying not to get my hair wet because i didn't want to have wet hair the rest of the time. This made it sort of uncomfortable but I couldn't think straight to realize this was a stupid endeavor. Apparently when I'm totally out of it with severe pain I think about the practicality of wet hair. Brandon's family came to sit in the waiting room and i was really sad when he went out to see them for a few minutes. who was going to fan me?? Finally she had me get out of the tub so she could check me. I was certain i would be ready to push but sadly I was only at a 7/8. She had me get on my hands and knees on the bed so brandon could push on my back and try to turn Tyler around. The hospital beds are super cool and she adjusted it so I could kneel on it as comfortably as possible. She then told me she would come back in an hour to check me and I'm not sure if I showed it or not but i thought "NO you have to come back right now and tell me its time to push, this has to be over you can not come back in an hour it has to be right now!" Alas I was in for another hour before she came back. I don't know if this happens when you have an epidural but i was involuntarily shaking, a lot. I also was really hurting and i remember being embarrassed that Brandon might see my butt even though I was covered by a sheet. There are absolutely zero rational thoughts when you have been in that much pain for that long. At this point the nurse told me my doctor was going to make it for my birth and I was really happy. I thought if she could just come and tell me it would be ok I could make it. When the nurse came in again to check me she asked my how my contractions were feeling. I groaned and said "like sh**" she laughed and said finally there's that transitional phase talking. I knew that meant I was at a 9 and finally my doctor came. I had never been so glad to see her. She told me I needed to lie on my side with my leg up because that would help clear out the one side to get me to a ten. She got my on my side and said she was going to the bathroom and to get a drink and she would be back in about 20 minutes. I tried not to show it but inside I was begging her not to leave. Somehow if she left it would mean I had to keep laboring longer. Looking back I'm glad she left for the worst part and it was just brandon and I. I can tell you right now labor at the end is not one single bit like in the movies. the way they are sitting there yelling about how bad it hurts its so fake. They could not show what its like on TV though because its really bad (at least for me). I was gripping the side of the bed while involuntarily shaking and screaming. There was no stopping it no matter what I did. it wasn't like really loud screaming but I cant really think of a better word to describe it. I do remember hearing a lady loudly screaming down the hall and I thought at least I'm not doing that (like I said, zero rational thoughts). I will admit this was a little traumatic for me, I was pretty shaken up about how awful it was for like a week. Finally the doctor and nurse came back in and told me it was time to push. They let me flip over and I didn't think i would ever be so glad to push. Most people say pushing is the worst part but for me it felt way better. I got a second wind and I was ready to get him out. I have no idea how long I pushed for but it seemed like a long time even though it probably wasn't. finally I felt him come out but she kept telling me i needed to push, I was trying but there was nothing there for me to push and I was totally out of it, I thought I'd done all the work i was going to lie down and not do anything. Apparently he had gotten stuck and his shoulders hadn't turned so his head was out but his body was stuck which is why i couldn't really feel anything. unfortunately i tore very badly when he got stuck and I'm still having problems from it which I'm in physical therapy for. 7 hours after I got to the hospital Tyler came out breathing well and doing well and there really is no way to describe what it feels like to see them for the first time. for me it was happiness mixed with total relief that i wouldn't have to be sick anymore. I wouldn't have heartburn keeping me up all night, i wouldn't have to throw up every morning and be nauseated all day and I wouldn't have to keep getting bigger and bigger until i felt like I couldn't move. I held him all the way up to the recovery room where I think we all slept for quite a while. I remember the next day I ordered my meal like I was still pregnant meaning carefully avoiding foods that would make me sicker and white bread no veggies no fruit. I was eating my white roll and I looked down and thought oh my gosh I really want a wheat roll! Finally after 9 months I was back to wanting to eat healthy foods and I knew I wouldn't throw them up. The hospital was probably really impressed with my orders because I ordered veggies and fruit and wheat with every meal because i hadn't eaten them in so long. thats not a treat to most people but it really was for me. I hope I didn't scare anyone off from a natural birth. It's definitely not for the faint of heart but i think i would do it again. I'm not one of those people who will tell you about my beautiful natural birth, I'll be honest, it totally sucked! However, it felt like the right thing to do at the time. Luckily mom's get these magic hormones that make you forget or else i'm sure plenty of us would never have another child. Already I think it wasn't that bad but that's not what I thought at the time. I also have nothing but good things to say about my nurse and doctor and St Marks hospital. I'm realizing hollywood paints this picture of fun glowing pregnancies with a birth where the woman looks perfectly fine even though she's supposed to be in pain. When it doesn't go that way its a little disappointing. Luckily (or not so lucky) i watched my sister go through the same sickness problems I had and her natural home birth did not go well so I wasn't set up for too much disappointment. I fully expected my pregnancy to go as bad as hers. Moral of the story is everyone has something hard during their pregnancy, labor or postpartum stage. I feel pretty lucky that I had very few postpartum depression issues, other serious medical issues with the baby or anything else that other people have to deal with. It could always be worse. I'm finding that lots and lots of woman have troubles during labor, pregnancy or postpartum but we don't talk about it because no one wants to be the downer. I'm having troubles posting this because it's scary to talk about. I wish I could have had the fun happy pregnancy that many people get. Sometimes it's really hard to watch other girls be so happy while their pregnant because i never got that but like I said, it could always be so much worse and I'm so incredibly grateful that I even got to the chance to be pregnant because i know there are far too many people out there that don't even get a chance. I think the only benefit to my horrible pregnancy was when he came out I was ready to hit the ground running, I felt GREAT. I didn't care if I was up all night with a crying baby its was like freedom had come. People laugh when i say freedom came when he was born, for most people that's when the real work begins but i could wake up in the night and not be sick. I could pass him off to someone else, when he was inside the burden was only mine to carry. I gained 50 pounds by the time he came which is a ton on my little 5'2 frame. I was in so much pain i just wanted him to be out. I'm so grateful to have him. Every single day he blesses my life and I seriously didn't think it would be possible to love him as much as I do. So there it is. Sorry this is such a long and detailed post. I'm really nervous to hit post but here goes....
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Why I think the baby experts can suck it!
I've been seeing a lot on of people talking about baby theories, methods, techniques and books they like on Facebook. I'm glad they work for a lot of people. I think its good to find something you and your child identify with. I personally like the Sears parenting library. The reason why I like them is because on the first page in all of their books they say that what they teach is what worked for their children and it's made up of things they've learned in 25 years of practicing medicine. It might not work for you, and never ever take our advice when you feel like something different will work. Never ignore your instincts as a parent that so many "experts" have stolen from new parents. You have to love a book that claims it might not work for you at all on the very first page. This is my experience in the 5 short months I've been a mom. I do actually know what I'm doing, I take no credit whatsoever nor can I credit any method or technique I practiced for my child's mostly good behavior, he was born that way, and all the experts out there trying to lead new moms into what they should and should not do can just go suck it.
When Tyler was born I really felt like I knew exactly what he needed and wanted but as a brand new mom in a hospital surrounded by experts, you're just too scared to speak up because new moms are constantly lied to and told that they have no idea what they are doing. This is actually true for some moms, I had several friends who just felt like they didn't know what their child wanted or how to respond to them. I think this is perfectly normal too and I'm sure as time went on they really learned what to do. We all hit our motherhood strides at different times, I might totally suck as a mother of a toddler its a crapshoot like life in general. For me, I feel like Tyler and I are really connected and we know what to do together, but like I said as a new mother you're told otherwise. In the hospital Tyler didn't take to eating right away. Deep down I knew he was fine but nurses and lactation specialists and doctors all have people to answer to and if they told me it was fine that he didn't eat and then somehow it wasn't they'd have a lawsuit. I understand their position but nevertheless it sucks when they come in every two hours trying to force you to feed your new child even though he clearly has no interest in eating. The worst for me was a nurse that came in constantly handing him to me to make me feed him. She came in at 4 in the morning pricked his heel to test his blood and he slept the entire time. then she handed him to me to make me feed him, in my head i was thinking is this a joke? he didnt wake up to his heel being pricked but you think he'll wake up if i try and shove a nipple in his mouth??? When she came back I told her he didn't eat he was just too sleepy to which she responded, "ya sleepy parents too." I've never wanted to chuck something at someone's head so much in my entire life. of course i was sleepy you idiot lady i just shoved a huge baby out of me with no medication or any form of pain relief, i'm exhausted and so is the dang baby so leave me alone. After that, every time I tried to feed Tyler I just ended up crying, my confidence was shattered. the lactation specialist had told me how i needed to fee him exactly by doing eleven minutes on one side giving him a 15 minute break and then feeding him eleven minutes on the other side. here was the problem with that "expert" advice, Tyler's never eaten more than 12 -15 minutes ever! No child is the same and my baby happens to be a get in get done kind of an eater most of the time he eats about 3-5 minutes and he is done. She also told me i couldnt let him eat too long or he'd be a constant nurser, too short and i'd have to feed him every hour and that would be a pain, follow the feeding schedule she told me. that started the worst week ive had as a mom thus far. crippled with crazy hormones and the fear i wasn't feeding my child correctly i stressed and stressed until one day i realized no one was watching me, I could feed my baby however, whenever, and for however long I/Tyler wanted to. Nobody was ever going to know if i was following the techniques I was reading for getting my child to eat or sleep Enter the liberating fact that i was in charge, I didnt have to listen to what anyone said, feeding my child on a schedule didn't work so we changed and did what worked.
From that point on I made the choice to proclaim I know what I am doing. Do I always get it right? absolutely not, I have trial and error and problems and somedays nothing works because babies are just human and they have sad days and happy days and good and bad days. Nothing is black or white and no parenting technique works for any one child. These expert books leave out the fact that children have emotions and wants and needs and lets face it, children come out with their very own personalities and some things you just can't change. some babies are born good sleepers and some are not. some are good eaters and some are not, some are happy and pleasant and some cry constantly and to think that any child can be completely molded by a technique read in a book is sort of a fantasy. Do they have good things to say? Sure, sometimes we do need some help from experts, sometimes in everything and sometimes in just one thing. But babies are as complex as you or me. My child actually goes through phases of sleeping through the night or not. If I was tied to a sleeping method I might feel like a failure when he starts waking up again much like i did in the hospital with the nursing My theory is the parenting books work really well when your child is already mostly doing it on their own and you just guide them a little. Its easy to think that we are the ones to be proud of when our technique of getting our child to sleep works wonders but like i always say, Im 90% sure that a majority of my actions have no effect on my child whatsoever. Sometimes he goes to bed at 7, sometimes 11, sometimes he wakes up at night sometimes he doesnt and I'm fine with that because I signed up to be a parent and I'll take all of the craziness that comes with it. i was blessed with a mild mannered baby who sleeps pretty well and eats pretty well. not a day goes by i dont count myself the luckiest girl out there.
so here it is, suck it baby experts! Do i actually know what I'm doing? no way in hell. Do i have confidence in my abilities and the way a mother knows her child like no one else can? YES! I think we need to stop telling new moms and dads they have no idea what they are doing. Stop shaking their confidence because it might not be the right way to raise a child to you, but it is to them and thats ok. I'll eat my words here a little if the parenting books work for you i say keep at it. we all need to find what works for us but as for me, I'm going to go off my instinct and do what my gut tells me. No more will I be paralyzed by fear that I'm not doing something right because its not what the doctor said. No more will I worry if my child is not on a sleep schedule or a nap schedule or feeding schedule because thats not what works for us. never again will I be guilted into thinking i'm not doing something right because my child's not fitting the mold. He's a person, none of us fit the mold. I think we often read parenting books because we want a magical pill to make our child sleep through the night or eat right or behave better but the fact is being a parent is just damn hard work. It's late nights and crying and diapers and yes sometimes having no idea what you are doing but thats what i signed up for when we decided to have a child. I signed up to work my butt off, but I get rewarded ten fold for it with the joy of having this funny little unpredictable person in my life. for me, i don't want to read anymore of what experts say. My little guy and I are just going to be who we are and do what we want because with children, whatever behavior they are doing changes in about a week anyway so I'm going with being flexible. My parenting method: do whatever the hell you want!
When Tyler was born I really felt like I knew exactly what he needed and wanted but as a brand new mom in a hospital surrounded by experts, you're just too scared to speak up because new moms are constantly lied to and told that they have no idea what they are doing. This is actually true for some moms, I had several friends who just felt like they didn't know what their child wanted or how to respond to them. I think this is perfectly normal too and I'm sure as time went on they really learned what to do. We all hit our motherhood strides at different times, I might totally suck as a mother of a toddler its a crapshoot like life in general. For me, I feel like Tyler and I are really connected and we know what to do together, but like I said as a new mother you're told otherwise. In the hospital Tyler didn't take to eating right away. Deep down I knew he was fine but nurses and lactation specialists and doctors all have people to answer to and if they told me it was fine that he didn't eat and then somehow it wasn't they'd have a lawsuit. I understand their position but nevertheless it sucks when they come in every two hours trying to force you to feed your new child even though he clearly has no interest in eating. The worst for me was a nurse that came in constantly handing him to me to make me feed him. She came in at 4 in the morning pricked his heel to test his blood and he slept the entire time. then she handed him to me to make me feed him, in my head i was thinking is this a joke? he didnt wake up to his heel being pricked but you think he'll wake up if i try and shove a nipple in his mouth??? When she came back I told her he didn't eat he was just too sleepy to which she responded, "ya sleepy parents too." I've never wanted to chuck something at someone's head so much in my entire life. of course i was sleepy you idiot lady i just shoved a huge baby out of me with no medication or any form of pain relief, i'm exhausted and so is the dang baby so leave me alone. After that, every time I tried to feed Tyler I just ended up crying, my confidence was shattered. the lactation specialist had told me how i needed to fee him exactly by doing eleven minutes on one side giving him a 15 minute break and then feeding him eleven minutes on the other side. here was the problem with that "expert" advice, Tyler's never eaten more than 12 -15 minutes ever! No child is the same and my baby happens to be a get in get done kind of an eater most of the time he eats about 3-5 minutes and he is done. She also told me i couldnt let him eat too long or he'd be a constant nurser, too short and i'd have to feed him every hour and that would be a pain, follow the feeding schedule she told me. that started the worst week ive had as a mom thus far. crippled with crazy hormones and the fear i wasn't feeding my child correctly i stressed and stressed until one day i realized no one was watching me, I could feed my baby however, whenever, and for however long I/Tyler wanted to. Nobody was ever going to know if i was following the techniques I was reading for getting my child to eat or sleep Enter the liberating fact that i was in charge, I didnt have to listen to what anyone said, feeding my child on a schedule didn't work so we changed and did what worked.
From that point on I made the choice to proclaim I know what I am doing. Do I always get it right? absolutely not, I have trial and error and problems and somedays nothing works because babies are just human and they have sad days and happy days and good and bad days. Nothing is black or white and no parenting technique works for any one child. These expert books leave out the fact that children have emotions and wants and needs and lets face it, children come out with their very own personalities and some things you just can't change. some babies are born good sleepers and some are not. some are good eaters and some are not, some are happy and pleasant and some cry constantly and to think that any child can be completely molded by a technique read in a book is sort of a fantasy. Do they have good things to say? Sure, sometimes we do need some help from experts, sometimes in everything and sometimes in just one thing. But babies are as complex as you or me. My child actually goes through phases of sleeping through the night or not. If I was tied to a sleeping method I might feel like a failure when he starts waking up again much like i did in the hospital with the nursing My theory is the parenting books work really well when your child is already mostly doing it on their own and you just guide them a little. Its easy to think that we are the ones to be proud of when our technique of getting our child to sleep works wonders but like i always say, Im 90% sure that a majority of my actions have no effect on my child whatsoever. Sometimes he goes to bed at 7, sometimes 11, sometimes he wakes up at night sometimes he doesnt and I'm fine with that because I signed up to be a parent and I'll take all of the craziness that comes with it. i was blessed with a mild mannered baby who sleeps pretty well and eats pretty well. not a day goes by i dont count myself the luckiest girl out there.
so here it is, suck it baby experts! Do i actually know what I'm doing? no way in hell. Do i have confidence in my abilities and the way a mother knows her child like no one else can? YES! I think we need to stop telling new moms and dads they have no idea what they are doing. Stop shaking their confidence because it might not be the right way to raise a child to you, but it is to them and thats ok. I'll eat my words here a little if the parenting books work for you i say keep at it. we all need to find what works for us but as for me, I'm going to go off my instinct and do what my gut tells me. No more will I be paralyzed by fear that I'm not doing something right because its not what the doctor said. No more will I worry if my child is not on a sleep schedule or a nap schedule or feeding schedule because thats not what works for us. never again will I be guilted into thinking i'm not doing something right because my child's not fitting the mold. He's a person, none of us fit the mold. I think we often read parenting books because we want a magical pill to make our child sleep through the night or eat right or behave better but the fact is being a parent is just damn hard work. It's late nights and crying and diapers and yes sometimes having no idea what you are doing but thats what i signed up for when we decided to have a child. I signed up to work my butt off, but I get rewarded ten fold for it with the joy of having this funny little unpredictable person in my life. for me, i don't want to read anymore of what experts say. My little guy and I are just going to be who we are and do what we want because with children, whatever behavior they are doing changes in about a week anyway so I'm going with being flexible. My parenting method: do whatever the hell you want!
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Pretty sure my little bundle of joy will be the death of me
I'm now about seven months pregnant and still sick and throwing up all the time. Sometimes I make dumb choices that contribute to the throwing up like eating a burrito that work bought for everyone for lunch and dinner because sometimes it just tastes so good to eat something besides white bread and cheese which you know you won't throw up. I knew I wasn't making the wisest choice when I ate it, I mean really who eats a red sauce cheesy meaty burrito which would probably make somebody throw up on a normal day when you know you get heartburn and are sick and vomiting all the time?? Well I did, I guess I wanted a sense of normalcy again. Did I also mention I ate leftover breakfast burrito for morning snack? Ya horrible combination choices. Anyway I felt sick all night. Wait let me rephrase, sickER all night so I finally just went to bed which is usually my solution of choice when I feel sick at night because what better way to deal with it than sleep it into oblivion. At about two AM I woke up with horrible pain in my upper abdomen like I did a few weeks ago and I knew the only solution that made it go away last time was to throw up. I decided not to eat this time because last time that backfired on me so I decided to just throw up and go to bed. That's right, you read that right, I decided to throw up and did it because I literally can decide I want to throw up and do it. No fingers down the throat, no gagging yourself or anything I can just do it on command. Unfortunately this didnt help me and when I realized that miraculously the burrito was still in my tummy 8 hours later and it was going to be a horrible throw up I stopped and went to bed intending to sleep it off. At 4 AM I woke up again still in pain so I decided to just get it over with. While throwing up my baby started kicking me and I thought "seriously little dude this is literally the definition of kicking a man when he's down" I found myself quite hilarious at 4 AM and it's maybe not so funny now :). This time I felt better so I went back to bed. Then I woke up at 7 AM with a leg cramp from hell in both legs. As I was writhing and moaning in bed I thought who the hell would voluntarily do this to themselves! Then when it stopped I felt my little guy kick and I remembered I really do love my baby and he's pretty great. He just might be the end of me, but I like him and I'm glad he's here to stay in just a few months. I am truely grateful to be pregnant, even if it sucks a big one!
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Pregnancy and me
I'm going to have to eat my words a little on my last post because this may not be the most positive post about pregnancy. First of all let me say how grateful I am to be pregnant. I really truly am grateful that we are able to have a baby because I know so many people who can't get pregnant, lose baby after baby, lose a baby well into their 2nd or 3rd trimester or just plain struggle. I want to say that the actual growing of my baby is cool, I like feeling it move and I love our little baby. I really would rather have this pretty crappy pregnancy than not be pregnant at all and I'm very excited to be having a baby.
That being said, so far pregnancy has just sort of sucked for me. I don't know if everyone goes through this and we just don't really talk about it or if I'm just having that bad of a pregnancy. I know my sister had an awful awful pregnancy so maybe we just have bad luck. At 4-5 weeks right when we found out about me being pregnant I felt great! I was eating healthy and drinking tons of water. I was all set to have an awesome time with this. At about six weeks I started getting a little sick but it was mild and easily controlled with food. By six and a half weeks I started throwing up. At this point I threw up about three times a day. By seven weeks I had to take a day off work because by the end of the night I had thrown up about 15 times. We decided to call the doctor (even though we hadn't even met with her yet) to see if they had any medication or something that would help me not be so sick because I don't know if you've ever thrown up that many times but it's death. Every part of your body hurts and it's just depressing. By the time the doctor called us back the next day and gave me a prescription for anti-nausea medication I had thrown up 8 times and it was only 3:00. After taking my medicine I finally stopped throwing up and I could lie in bed just feeling sick instead of living in the bathroom. I went back to work the next day and even on the medication I still threw up a few times a day and just felt like crap the rest of the day. As the days went by I was back to throwing up 6+ times a day so I called my doctor and she upped my dosage from 4 to 8 mg. This helped a little but after toughing out 3 miserable weeks of work I finally had to ask to go on medical leave. I basically sat at my desk tried to work on a project, threw up, got back to my desk tried to work, threw up, tried to work, threw up etc etc. My work was great at working with me and got me set up to take medical leave. I had to get a doctors note and she diagnosed me with Hypermesis Gravidarum or a nice way of saying you have severe pregnancy nausea and extreme vomiting sucks to be you. The last day I worked I called my doctor to see if there was anything else I could take and she prescribed phenegrin. This put me in a 2 day sleep coma. Out of the 48 hours I probably slept for 44 of them and threw up the other 4. Needless to say this just wasn't going to work for me (or poor Brandon)and I went back to my Zofran. When I stopped working I basically lied in bed all day and felt miserable, tried to eat anything but usually failed and threw up. It took every thing I had to even get up to make a little bit of food or take a shower. Brandon even made a little throw up jug that I could Velcro to my nightstand because yes I was throwing up that much. I remember at one point after a bad day and Brandon wasn't home I called my mom in absolute hysterical tears and all I could get out was "I'm just SO SICK!" I told her it's incomprehensible that you can be this sick and I know it is because I never imagined or believed anyone else when they told me they were sick. I really think most people aren't as sick as I have been (or my sister). By week 12 I was finally able to even leave the house for short periods of time to go out to eat or maybe to the store but when we went to the doctor I'd lost about 7 pounds. I was down to 114 pounds which is scary little for me, I weighed that when I was 16. By 14 weeks I decided it was time to go back to work. I wasn't feeling well but I didn't feel bad enough to merit sitting home all day. Luckily I did a lot better at work than I thought I would and I have been doing pretty well since then (I'm now 20 weeks). I'm still nauseous for a pretty good chunk of the day and I still throw up a couple of times a week. If I don't keep up on my snacks or miss a meal of any sort I will be puking. I have thrown up in the car in a bag, a whole bunch of parking lots, nasty gas station and restaurant bathrooms, the kitchen sink and just about anywhere else you can think of. I have thrown up just about every type of food out there and I still can't eat at certain restaurants or certain things. As I finally started to get over my sickness every other symptom started. If it's not sickness it's back aches, constipation, headaches, bloating, leg cramps, exhaustion and the list goes on and on. I basically spent 3 months of my life feeling like I had the flu with car sickness and that I'd just run a marathon because I was constantly exhausted. Did I mention pregnancy has just been really kind of yucky for me?
Throughout this whole thing I've definitely learned a few things and learned to be grateful for a few things.
1. I'm extremely grateful this will end in a few months. I'm lucky I'm not a cancer patient who has to endure the sickness of radiation for who knows how long or that I have a terminal illness or something else of that manner.
2. Even though I prayed for it everyday Heavenly Father wouldn't take my sickness away. He did however bless me with gratitude and the feeling that it could always be worse. I was lucky to be emotionally stable and he gave me strength to not resent my baby or suffer jealousy for girls who don't have to do this. When you are that sick it's easy to be angry at the baby or at anything else for your misery. Don't get me wrong I had a few days where I just wanted to give up and I did get mad at our little guy but for the most part I was able to have a pretty good attitude.
3. If someone tells you they are sick and throwing up and average of 3-6 times a day for the love of all that is good and holy don't ask them if they have tried a freaking saltine cracker (or any other home remedy like ginger or peppermint). These little remedies are for mild nausea and really don't help. Do you also know what the thought of eating a cracker is like when you're that sick? I imagine it tastes like cardboard covered in poop, or at least that's how if felt at the time.
4. I'm very grateful for Brandon who helped me through everything and been nothing but kind and supportive.
Now that I'm feeling better it's much more exciting and I'm excited to find out what we're having on Tuesday. Overall I really do have to express my gratitude for my pregnancy even though it really hasn't been easy. I've also been lucky enough to quickly forget just how bad it was because all ready I'm thinking it really wasn't that bad but at the time I really thought I was going to die. There were seriously a few days when I thought I just might die I was so sick and I never thought I'd even make it to 14 weeks let alone half way. Here's to hoping the second half of my pregnancy goes a little better than the first.
That being said, so far pregnancy has just sort of sucked for me. I don't know if everyone goes through this and we just don't really talk about it or if I'm just having that bad of a pregnancy. I know my sister had an awful awful pregnancy so maybe we just have bad luck. At 4-5 weeks right when we found out about me being pregnant I felt great! I was eating healthy and drinking tons of water. I was all set to have an awesome time with this. At about six weeks I started getting a little sick but it was mild and easily controlled with food. By six and a half weeks I started throwing up. At this point I threw up about three times a day. By seven weeks I had to take a day off work because by the end of the night I had thrown up about 15 times. We decided to call the doctor (even though we hadn't even met with her yet) to see if they had any medication or something that would help me not be so sick because I don't know if you've ever thrown up that many times but it's death. Every part of your body hurts and it's just depressing. By the time the doctor called us back the next day and gave me a prescription for anti-nausea medication I had thrown up 8 times and it was only 3:00. After taking my medicine I finally stopped throwing up and I could lie in bed just feeling sick instead of living in the bathroom. I went back to work the next day and even on the medication I still threw up a few times a day and just felt like crap the rest of the day. As the days went by I was back to throwing up 6+ times a day so I called my doctor and she upped my dosage from 4 to 8 mg. This helped a little but after toughing out 3 miserable weeks of work I finally had to ask to go on medical leave. I basically sat at my desk tried to work on a project, threw up, got back to my desk tried to work, threw up, tried to work, threw up etc etc. My work was great at working with me and got me set up to take medical leave. I had to get a doctors note and she diagnosed me with Hypermesis Gravidarum or a nice way of saying you have severe pregnancy nausea and extreme vomiting sucks to be you. The last day I worked I called my doctor to see if there was anything else I could take and she prescribed phenegrin. This put me in a 2 day sleep coma. Out of the 48 hours I probably slept for 44 of them and threw up the other 4. Needless to say this just wasn't going to work for me (or poor Brandon)and I went back to my Zofran. When I stopped working I basically lied in bed all day and felt miserable, tried to eat anything but usually failed and threw up. It took every thing I had to even get up to make a little bit of food or take a shower. Brandon even made a little throw up jug that I could Velcro to my nightstand because yes I was throwing up that much. I remember at one point after a bad day and Brandon wasn't home I called my mom in absolute hysterical tears and all I could get out was "I'm just SO SICK!" I told her it's incomprehensible that you can be this sick and I know it is because I never imagined or believed anyone else when they told me they were sick. I really think most people aren't as sick as I have been (or my sister). By week 12 I was finally able to even leave the house for short periods of time to go out to eat or maybe to the store but when we went to the doctor I'd lost about 7 pounds. I was down to 114 pounds which is scary little for me, I weighed that when I was 16. By 14 weeks I decided it was time to go back to work. I wasn't feeling well but I didn't feel bad enough to merit sitting home all day. Luckily I did a lot better at work than I thought I would and I have been doing pretty well since then (I'm now 20 weeks). I'm still nauseous for a pretty good chunk of the day and I still throw up a couple of times a week. If I don't keep up on my snacks or miss a meal of any sort I will be puking. I have thrown up in the car in a bag, a whole bunch of parking lots, nasty gas station and restaurant bathrooms, the kitchen sink and just about anywhere else you can think of. I have thrown up just about every type of food out there and I still can't eat at certain restaurants or certain things. As I finally started to get over my sickness every other symptom started. If it's not sickness it's back aches, constipation, headaches, bloating, leg cramps, exhaustion and the list goes on and on. I basically spent 3 months of my life feeling like I had the flu with car sickness and that I'd just run a marathon because I was constantly exhausted. Did I mention pregnancy has just been really kind of yucky for me?
Throughout this whole thing I've definitely learned a few things and learned to be grateful for a few things.
1. I'm extremely grateful this will end in a few months. I'm lucky I'm not a cancer patient who has to endure the sickness of radiation for who knows how long or that I have a terminal illness or something else of that manner.
2. Even though I prayed for it everyday Heavenly Father wouldn't take my sickness away. He did however bless me with gratitude and the feeling that it could always be worse. I was lucky to be emotionally stable and he gave me strength to not resent my baby or suffer jealousy for girls who don't have to do this. When you are that sick it's easy to be angry at the baby or at anything else for your misery. Don't get me wrong I had a few days where I just wanted to give up and I did get mad at our little guy but for the most part I was able to have a pretty good attitude.
3. If someone tells you they are sick and throwing up and average of 3-6 times a day for the love of all that is good and holy don't ask them if they have tried a freaking saltine cracker (or any other home remedy like ginger or peppermint). These little remedies are for mild nausea and really don't help. Do you also know what the thought of eating a cracker is like when you're that sick? I imagine it tastes like cardboard covered in poop, or at least that's how if felt at the time.
4. I'm very grateful for Brandon who helped me through everything and been nothing but kind and supportive.
Now that I'm feeling better it's much more exciting and I'm excited to find out what we're having on Tuesday. Overall I really do have to express my gratitude for my pregnancy even though it really hasn't been easy. I've also been lucky enough to quickly forget just how bad it was because all ready I'm thinking it really wasn't that bad but at the time I really thought I was going to die. There were seriously a few days when I thought I just might die I was so sick and I never thought I'd even make it to 14 weeks let alone half way. Here's to hoping the second half of my pregnancy goes a little better than the first.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Clarify
I want to clarify something in my last post. I meant when your talking to people who are casual friends. It would be unhealthy to only say positive things all the time but you should only say not so good things to your close friends or family. I just think sometimes we say bad things about the people we love to people we don't know all that well that was the prompting for the last post.
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