Week 22

Last week, I swear she jabbed/kicked me twice so hard that I jolted.

Quite funny. I'm still in awe of science and the human body. As amazing as this feels I also can't help making reference to my favourite film Alien. Lol. 

Also about a week ago we dropped by Northface to have a look at winter parka in preparation for our Hokkaido trip. It's winter with subzero temperatures when we visit. I can no longer zip up a size S T____T the length and arms and shoulders fit perfectly but I just couldn't zip up. Where on earth can I find a maternity parka jacket?? 

I can still forcefully squeeze into my size S skinny maternity jeggings but I don't think I can do this for any longer. 

Week 21

2 days ago we had our 2nd trimester ultrasound. On my birthday. I quote Sim Mei,

"So the period where your kid is more important than yourself has started *cry laughing emoji"

Yup, so true. 

I could have scheduled it on a different day which would be after my birthday but... I thought if the scan does go well at least that would have been a good birthday present in itself. I know, even up until this point I still have reservations about feeling positive. I just can't stop myself from worrying.

Anyhoo. The scan went well :) Baby was moving so much the doctor had a hard time trying to scan her. She could be a profesional contortionist looking at how she twists and bends her body and limbs.

The first thing we saw when the doctor started the scan and she said,

"Oh. That's the bum. Definitely a girl, you can see what I call, the little 'hamburger'."

She meant the labia hahahahhah.

And this was when she straightened her legs over her head.

According to their measurements she's 21 weeks 6 days but if the hospital is using my first dating scan then it's only 21 weeks. I don't know who to listen to.

Will see what the obstetrician says when I see him/her tomorrow.

To commemorate the last birthday where I get to feel special by myself lol

A little present for me. Little in size not so little in price hahaha. 

Finally announced this on my Instagram and received so many love and well wishes T_T I don't know what I have done to deserve this. I've published all the drafts I've saved throughout this journey. I finally feel like I have a little more courage to share and be excited. 

Week 19

Nothing much has changed except I've been feeling baby squirming in me! 

It's a strange sensation. I think I've felt it since the start of week 18 but never gave it much attention until I sat back and really focus. Every article says it feels like bubbles popping, butterflies in your stomach, flutters. Yes, it kind of is like that but when I place my hands on my belly, I sometimes physically can feel the push from underneath! It's so much more than just a flutter. It has now become my ritual everynight to place my hands on my belly just to feel it all. It helps me sleep. 

My sleep hasn't been the best lately. Lots of tossing and turning, lots of vivid dreams. I never wake up feeling refreshed =.= 

In about 2 weeks time we're scheduled for the next stage of ultrasound which is the anatomy scan. And then an appointment at the hospital with a doctor. Hopefully the only appointment with a doctor because that'll mean my pregnancy isn't complicated and can be handled by the midwives.

Yesterday we had our first appointment at the hospital. I thought I was seeing an obstetrician but it was a midwife who met us. She explained the appointment is to gather all the information required before we see the obstetrician in about another month or so. She explained the different types of maternity care the hospital provides and will discuss which is most suited. 

We were not left with much to choose from; I didn't want a shared care with my GP because well... my previous posts should explain well enough. The obstetrician care is reserved for high risk pregnancies - fair enough. Sara recommended me to go on this specific midwives care where I get to have 2 midwives on call. This option however I will most likely NOT get to have because people usually book when they're as early as 7 weeks along. 

Seriously. At 7 weeks I was still doubting if I was actually pregnant or if the baby will survive the 1st trimester. 

We're left with 2 options which seems rather similar so we picked one of it. Either way I trust we're in good hands. 

Baby's due date has now changed AGAIN. She said the first dating ultrasound is usually more accurate. We're now back to 27 April 2019. We also got to hear baby's heartbeat through the doppler. 155bpm.

13 weeks

Baby has a new due date!

21 April 2020 :D much closer if not accurate to my LMP

I'm so glad I insisted on another ultrasound. Ok I didn't force my GP but he probably gave in seeing my disappointed face when I found out I won't have one until 20 weeks. 

This time instead of going to back to a general imaging clinic I went to a specialist ultrasound practice. The ultrasounds are run by obstetricians and gynaecologists. I don't know what it would have cost me if I haven't come here but I'm quite sure it's more than the usual imaging clinics but it is so worth it.

She didn't only print us a picture, they sent us link of a bunch of images plus videos of the ultrasound to be downloaded! We saw baby moving her arms and little feet, we saw her 'talking', all these would have been fleeting moments but they were all captured! The wonders of technology.

The entire process was not rushed, she took her time to get good angles to take videos and pictures, explaining to us every step of the way about what we're looking at. Towards the end she even went ahead to further check on some cyst she saw and gave her advice which NO ONE has explained to me except for the doctor at Mercy Hospital who dealt with my miscarriage, who told me it's nothing to be worried about as it's fairly common.

I think I can now let my guards down and be excited for the first time. 

Week 12

So the Harmony test results came back good. Low probability on the 3 most common chromosome abnormalities. I then asked doc about ultrasound at 12 weeks and he said no? Next ultrasound will not be until 20 weeks. 

😟 

Really? The health of baby is that easily determined by just one blood test??

I asked about the first trimester screening and he said the Harmony test pretty much supersedes it because it’s more accurate (his words, not mine). 

From what I’ve read the test is not diagnostic. It calculates the probability it doesn’t diagnose whether or not the fetus has problems. 

What baffles me is why didn’t I get the choice to do the screen first before going for a $430 test which the government does not cover. It’s not as if I fall under the high risk category (age 35 and above). I also read somewhere which mentions an ultrasound is still recommended to look for other physical abnormalities which the test will not be able to detect. 

Anyway, I asked him if its possible if I wanted to do an ultrasound before 20 weeks. He asked for what reason. 

I blurted because I don’t feel pregnant? 

He went on and explained again usually there’s only a dating scan (which I did at 6 weeks) and next scan will be at 20 weeks to check for fetal physical development. The Harmony test is a comprehensive test with accurate results to confirm the pregnancy. 

I said fine then I’ll wait until 20 weeks. He then proceeded to write me a referral for an ultrasound anyway for my “peace of mind”. 

😀😀

I may come across super paranoid but after going through a miscarriage it’s almost impossible to NOT overthink and be worried 24/7. Every single day I check my underwear to make sure I have no spotting. Every single day I feel my boobs to make sure they are still “different”. Every single day I weigh myself and I look at my belly in the mirror. Did I gain weight or is this the pregnancy? 

I’d also really like another ultrasound so that if we do decide to announce at least there’s a good photo?? What a superficial reason but the last ultrasound we did we could barely see anything. Which is not surprising since it was only 6 weeks! And the picture was taken with a mobile phone -.- 

Usually a dating scan is done towards the end of first trimester but because I’ve had a miscarriage before the doctor ordered one early on (6 weeks) to confirm the viability of the pregnancy. 

P.S. The Harmony test lets you know the baby’s gender. Yes, we know what we’re having. I can’t believe I’ve been wrong. Whatever baby is, I just hope for a healthy pregnancy and baby. 

P.P.S. Wk asks if I’m excited. Can’t say I am to be honest. At least not until this next ultrasound confirms baby is ok. This Friday is the day. 

Weekday lunchies

Every few weeks I will have the honour of being Michelle’s lunch pal. Gets me out of the house, and I get to try new food/eat good food, while she gets a company. Win-win. We’re both self-proclaimed food snobs so I have full trust over her selections. 

Yesterday’s joint was this semi new pizza place few steps down her office, Leo’s by the slice in South Yarra. Pizzas are sold by the slice ranging between $5-$8 if I remember it correctly. The vegan selections are the priciest. 

You can buy the pizzas whole. They cost something astronomical like $50-80. Yes, the slices are huge. There are less than 10 flavours to choose from. This isn’t a place of variety, it’s the kind of place that does only a few things and does it really well. Our favourite kind. 

My Pepperoni was $7. Good amount of cheese and pepperoni - I was very happy. 

Michelle’s margherita seems to have only a blanket of cheese, I could barely see the tomato nor any basil. She liked it though. 

To balance the greasy meal, we both had the salad of the day which was a concoction of either watercress or pea shoots I couldn’t tell (the green leafy stuff), farro, radish, cucumber, asparagus, some kind of dried fruit either raisin or berry, and vinaigrette. 

Washed down with some iced coffee for me, Milkis for Michelle, from the Japanese convenient store around the corner. 

T’was a tasty lunch. 

Open strings

I can’t even remember when I stopped playing. This may sound dramatic but it gives me bittersweet memories. The kind you don’t wish to talk about to preserve the good and isolate the bad. 

I’ve had this violin for about 13 years, used maybe 6-7 years. Got it when I was in uni, it was everything to me. 

This was in its case, which was covered in dust and mostly cobwebs. Even dead bugs hanging from the web. The case has seen better days. One of the zipper sliders is broken. The plastic which attaches the shoulder strap is broken. The storage compartment’s zipper is broken. Everything seems to be falling apart and yet the violin seems unchanged since the last time I used it. 

The strings were fine, the pegs did not loosen. The strings were only maybe a tone out. With a bit of rosin to the bow and tuning, it sounded just like how it used to be. Maybe louder than I remember. Or maybe it’s just been so long. 

Of course, my intonation was all over the place. It’ll take me a while to get comfortable with my grip on both hands but I managed first position alright. My bow was in the right place and string crossing wasn’t a struggle. 

Strangely, I find it much more peaceful and enjoyable to play despite being out of touch. Much more enjoyable than I can remember. Is it because there isn’t any exams to prepare for? No one’s expectations to meet but my own? No deadline to work towards?

Who knows 🤷🏼‍♀️ I enjoyed it and I look forward to doing it again tomorrow. 

I had to stop because my fingers were hurting and I could feel tension building up in my neck and shoulders.  

Harmony Test

Went to see the GP for my routine check 2 days ago. The last time we spoke, he told me I'll need to do a genetic screening next. The one where they check for conditions like Down Syndrome and he said to go back to him when I'm around 10ish weeks onwards. So when I went back to see him I repeated what he told me. He had this confused silence for 5 seconds and I had to then quickly add "I'm pregnant".

Do bulk bill places really suck this much? Is it that difficult to look into a patient's history before asking "What can I do for you today?"? Surely whatever's discussed in previous appointment is recorded in the computer or somewhere?

Anyway. I was then given a referral letter to do a blood test. On the letter it says 'Harmony Test'. They have an in-house pathology lab so I could do it on the spot. Great.

After about 20 minutes wait my number was called. I happeend to be the last patient before the pathologist closes for lunch. Lucky last.

She took my referral letter and saw what test I needed to do and then told me it'll cost me $400, and asked "Did you know that?".

I sort of gave a sarcastic chuckle "Now I know"

If Sara had not told me that all tests and ultrasounds are not covered apart from the dating scan, I wouldn't have known this test actually will cost this much. I was a little surprised when the GP mentioned nothing about the price and just gave me the referral as if it's a compulsory thing to do and of course I was sort of hoping Sara was wrong. Alas she was completely right, of course she would be. She's had two children. Pfft. 

Nevermind the price. I know it's something I wanted to do anyway so I agreed to proceed. The pathologist then mentioned something about 1st trimester screening. I told her I did have my blood tested to confirm the pregnancy followed by a dating scan, I asked if those are 1st trimester screening. She said they're not. It's a different type of screening which costs extra but much lesser than the Harmony, and is partially covered by Medicare. There is also a blood test involved plus an ultrasound. (Upon researching I later learned this is most likely called the Nuchal Translucency test)

I was a little puzzled as to why this wasn't mentioned by the GP if it is an option? The pathologist then clarified that the Harmony is a very accurate, in depth test which is why it costs more. 

I couldn't be bothered to get nothing done after having waited for cumulatively close to 2 hours just for a 5 minutes chat, referral from the doctor and getting into the pathology room. If I chose not to do the Harmony test that day and ask for the 1st trimester screen I'll have to now wait to see the GP again to get a different type of referral, wait again to do a bloodtest, and I'll have to book a time to do the ultrasound another day because it can only be done elsewhere. 

So $430 swiped off my credit card and 2 vials of blood painfully drawn from me later, I was finally done for the day. I'm guessing my next step would be the 12 weeks ultrasound. Is it a nuchal translucency ultrasound though? I sure hope it is because apparently The Harmony will not be able to pick up physical abnormalities in other areas which an ultrasound has a higher chance to.

Also while in the GP's room he asked if I have heard from the hospital of my choice and I told him strangely no. The referral was supposedly faxed about 3 weeks ago and technically I should receive a letter in the mail by now (I did in the last pregnancy which unfortunately I didn't manage to make it). He said he would fax it again that day.

I emailed the hospital to confirm if they have received anything when I got home that day. Got a reply today confirming they did receive my referral, ON MONDAY. Which means whatever the GP faxed 3 weeks ago didn't go through -_- Trying not to get frustrated with this medical centre is proving to be quite a difficult task. 

Complaints aside I'm starting to feel less tired, exhausted, dizzy and sick. Not that I have a lot of these symptoms, they usually come and go, one symptom at a time. I'm regaining my appetite, which is great. I can't tell if I'm putting on weight on my waist or it's my expanding womb. I can now only comfortably fit into 1 pair of jeans, a knit skirt, and sweatpants. Or just my underwear haha.

Miscarriage

At the start of April 2019, my grandmother passed away. We flew back home to say our last goodbyes. It was around a day before our flight back to Melbourne when I decided to take a home pregnancy test because I noticed my period was late. I went to a nearby pharmacy and got one of the mid-priced ones because I wasn't keen on spending too much on digital ones. It was one of those which you pee on and wait for the lines to appear (or not). 

3 minutes (or however long it took) later, I looked at the stick. Was my head messing with my eyes? I thought I saw a second line but it's so faint, I wondered if it was my brain conjuring the image of the line because deep down I knew I wanted to see a second line. I showed Wk the stick and he too couldn't tell what it means. In the end we both brushed it off and took it as a negative. 

The day we arrived back in Melbourne, I plopped on my bed as soon as we got home. I didn't manage to sleep at all through the red-eye flight. I was so exhausted I took a long nap. When I woke up, I don't know what made me do it but I decided to do another test. Only because I remember I had a digital one in my drawer. 5 minutes later...

(Is it just me or does the result looked as if it was superimposed/edited?)

I almost couldn't believe my eyes. I quickly dragged Wk into the toilet to look at it. Needless to say, we were both filled with surprise and delight. In case anyone is wondering, it was a planned pregnancy. It was the first time we actually decided to try. Hence, the astonishment of knowing it worked at the first try.

We have been married for 4 years now, been together for over 17 years. I don't even need to say the amount of times people have asked us the "baby/kids" question. To be absolutely honest it really was annoying. If we wanted to we would have had babies/kids already. Clearly, we were not ready. Not just financially, but more importantly, mentally. You can have all the money in the world to raise a kid but if you're only doing it because of what people are saying and not because you really want to be a parent, then you may end up hating your life after and the victim of this situation is the poor child.

Anyway, obviously by 2019 we decided we were both ready for this new phase in life. 

It couldn't have happened at a more perfect time. I'm not usually a superstitious or religious person but I really did think it was a blessing from my late grandmother. 

Fast forward to about a month since discovering the good news. It was an unsuspecting Saturday. We were both chilling out at home when I felt a strange sensation. Went to the bathroom, pulled down my pants and what I saw still traumatizes me until today. 

Spotting.

There wasn't a lot of blood like a period, just a few spots of brown tinged blood. I read online about what this could mean and most articles say that spotting can happen to some people during early pregnancy and usually goes away. As long as it isn't heavy bleeding accompanied by cramps or pain, it could be nothing to worry about. I was somewhat comforted by I read and didn't want to overthink.

The next day, I was still spotting. I contacted the nurse-on-call of a women's hospital near home to seek advice. She  pretty much said what I already know and told me to get it checked by a GP first as soon as I can. We went to the first available GP near home. I was refered to do an ultrasound. By then, based on my last menstruation period I should be around 7 weeks.

At the start, the sonographer performed an abdominal ultrasound. The room was cold, the gel was cold, the tool was cold, she was cold. She didn't say a word until she said needed to perform a transvaginal ultrasound to see more clearly. All I could hear was clicking. Lots of clicking. I could see the screen. I saw black and grey areas. Different organic shapes. I didn't know what they were. Apart from the clicking the room was filled with silence.

Before I know it, she told me I could clean up the gel and she'll be back to report on the ultrasound once I'm dressed.

She said from the measurements, the baby was measuring only 6 weeks. She said she isn't sure if it was a viable pregnancy and suggests I have another scan down the track.

She gave us this printed picture of the scan and said "Here's a photo of your... possible baby".

We both left the imaging clinic confused.

I booked a time to see my usual GP and that was where I broke down. I have been holding everything in trying my best to stay optimistic but all it took was a "How are you?" to hit the pipes. Hard. He then ordered me to do a blood test to see if my HCG levels were normal. Usually it takes 2 days for the GP to receive bloodwork results but he pushed for an urgent test and I got to see the results the next day. I prepared myself for the worst but the results came back normal. He said I'll need to do another test to determine if the levels are increasing or dropping. In a progressing pregnancy the levels increase rapidly during the first trimester. He said I could do another test that day or the day after. I did it on the day because I couldn't bear to wait any longer. 

I went back the day after with slightly higher hopes after yesterday's normal HCG levels results. Sadly it's not all good news. My levels have dropped. 

Any drop in HCG only points to one direction - pregnancy isn't progressing. 

He then referred me to the emergency department in Mercy, the women's hospital I intended to go to for this whole journey. Went to the hospital immediately after that. 

I was taken in by a midwife. The process is called a triage where she assesses the urgency/severity of the situation before I am placed with a doctor for a conclusion. After explaining to her what has been happening plus the blood test results, she said what no one so far has said - it is most likely a miscarriage. She was very sympathetic and assuring but as soon as those words left her mouth I could hear nothing else and I broke down. 

Before this visit I was clinging on to every microstrand of hope that everything is going to be fine, every single tear and ounce of worry would have been for nothing. Eventhough I have not stopped spotting. It's like I already knew what was happening but was living in denial? Everyone told me to stay positive and don't overthink it and I tried. I tried so hard. 

I was told to wait for my appointment with the doctor to get a confirmation. 10 minutes later the same midwife then brought me back to the room to let me know that because my blood tests were taken 24 hours apart they are unable to base that to conclude my miscarriage because HCG takes 48-36 hours to double. The next step would be to have another ultrasound. The next available ultrasound appointment was a week from then. 

At that point I felt like I was stretched so thin I was going to snap already. All I wanted was to get a conclusion, have this all end so that I can move on. But no, I will have to wait another week with a possibly lifeless baby/embryo in me to confirm that I have miscarried. Life can be so cruel.

One week later, we returned for my second ultrasound. It was an abdominal ultrasound. From that the doctor could see that the baby has not progressed, it's still sitting at 6 weeks when I should be at around 9 weeks. Obviously there was noo heart beat detected. At that point in time, I have been spotting every single day since it happened. No cramp, no bleeding. Just spotting. She confirmed that I have indeed miscarried. I didn't break down, I think I was already numb inside and just wanted it all to end. I was actually looking forward to her telling me what to do next.

She gave me a few options. Either wait it out and let it happen naturally, or take medication to induce it. Last resort was to have a surgical procedure called D&C where the uterus will be 'cleaned out'. I have had enough of waiting, I asked for the medicine. I took it that afternoon, 2 doses.

So small yet so capable of taking lives.


Few hours after the first dose, I felt the most agonizing cramp in my entire life. Is this what contraction/labour feels like? I see why I've been prescribed  with strong painkillers. The painful wave of the cramp lasted for about 20 minutes or so. Thereafter it was like regular period cramps which I used to think were quite uncomfortable but it's nothing compared to THIS cramp. Then the bleeding started. It wasn't long when I felt that 'gush'.

I had a good look at the gestational sac. I have been crying for nearly 2 weeks that I think I have no more tears left in me.

16 May 2019 - The day I said goodbye to VC (a name my friend has frivolously coined because otherwise we'd be calling the baby 'it' all the time). When I first found out I was pregnant I excitedly used one of those online due date calculator based on my last period. VC was supposed to be due on  16 December, my birthday. Alas, it wasn't meant to be.

Amid all this pain we are grateful to have had this short-lived happiness. I am grateful that my body is not only able to conceive but conceive at our intent, I am also grateful that it is able to terminate when it senses an issue.

***

Today, 3 September 2019 marks 3 weeks since finding out I'm pregnant, again. Well technically I've known for over 3 weeks because I started testing 3 days before my period was due. I wasn't crazy, I've had a couple of symptoms which warranted the suspicion. 

Yes I was obssessed seeing those lines get more and more obvious. Digital test kits are expensive so... save the best for last.

After getting my blood tested (and results was positive) the doctor ordered me to do an ultrasound just to make sure this isn't residual HCG from the previous pregnancy which I've miscarried. I thought it's quite ridiculous to think that there's still residual HCG because it's been 3 months since, and I have had 2 cycles of menstruation! Anyhoo, gotta do what the doctor asks.

I won't lie I haven't been the most optimistic leading up to this ultrasound. I'm still traumatized by what happened and the lack of symptoms really did not help.

I don't know when exactly morning sickness kicks in but I have experienced none. Not in previous pregnancy, not currently.

This morning I woke up chanting this mantra repeatedly into my skull, "It's ok if it doesn't work out. It's ok.". After what happened I find it difficult to not protect my heart just a little bit and not expect the best outcome.

I wore a skirt because I thought this early into pregnancy they will probably need to do a transvaginal ultrasound to see clearly. The sonographer started off with an abdominal ultrasound. Cold gel, cold tool, full bladder, ugh. Within 10 seconds, she said this

"Baby's looking good, that looks like a good heart beat there".

Eventhough those words were said to me loud and clear I was skeptical.She flipped the monitor towards me but maybe because I was laying down, it was quite difficult for me to see anything? She continued her scan. 

I asked her, "So there's a heartbeat?" She said yes and tried to show me on the screen again. I looked at it a little closer and saw a little grey dot inside a larger, grey shadow flickering away. I can't remember the number but I remember her saying "it's a nice and strong heartbeat".

Tears started to roll down my cheeks uncontrollably.

(I rarely cry out of joy. I didn't even cry at my own wedding or engagement.)

I wonder why my uterus is shaped like an eggplant. Or is it the angle? Baby is tucked at the right corner.

By the way we had to take this picture with our phone. I always assumed they would print you a picture of the ultrasound but not this one today. Not sure why. Not as if anyone can make up anything out of that picture anyway hahah.

Our rainbow baby measured at 0.5cm, 6 weeks 1 day today, due 27 April 2020.

***

Miscarriages happen more often than people know and it usually isn't publicly talked about because most women feel this guilt that they have done something to cause it. Like an unspoken shame. That's one thing and then there's the insensitive questions/remarks from people with eventhough no ill-intent but still hurt nevertheless.

Most simple and common explanation behind miscarriage is genetic/chromosome abnormalities. When our body senses that this baby is unlikely to survive, it will do its job in rejecting it for you. In other words, it's out of anyone's control. Not parents, not doctors, not medications or machines.

If there's an advice I can give on how to react to a miscarriage news, sometimes just saying "sorry for your loss" is enough.

Please don't, I beg and plead, ask "why, what happened?".

Soft Pretzels

A few weeks ago I made sourdough German pretzels, also known as laugenbrezel. Before that, I have never eaten pretzels before. A friend then asked if I have tried Auntie Anne’s and I realized I have not? I don’t know why. I’ve always seen it in malls in KL. I do know for sure something sold in malls, or a franchise like that surely have a softer texture and richer taste. Not that the ones I made were hard, but they’re definitely on the denser side and tastes leaner. After all, it’s made only with flour, water, salt and a bit of butter. Unfortunately, there is no Auntie Anne’s here in Melbourne. I will have to wait for a day when I visit a mall in KL to try some. 

She said her favourite was the one with cinnamon sugar. Upon googling for recipes sure enough many popped up. 

Comparing to sourdough pretzels, these were definitely softer and sweeter. The preparation was simple although incredibly challenging to shape! It was difficult to roll the dough into a long, pencil thin-cigar shape before they start breaking and tearing. Somehow the dough kept resisting the form. Those two in the picture were the most decent looking ones out of the lot. The rest sort of looked like 💩 and penises haha. 

I used this recipe, as usual, with a few tweaks. This is half the recipe which makes 6 small pretzels or 3-4 larger ones depending on your preference. From my experience, I recommend dividing this amount into 3 large pretzels for it to look decent.

The dough 

1/2 cup milk
1 1/8tsp active dry yeast
1 1/2tbsp brown sugar
1 1/8cups plain flour
1 tbsp butter, softened
1/2tsp salt

Warm milk in the microwave for roughly 30 seconds or warm to touch. Add yeast into warm milk and stir. Let it sit for a few minutes. Place sugar, flour and salt in a stand mixer with hook attachment. Add milk and yeast mixture and mix on medium speed until dough comes together. Add the butter and continue mixing until the dough is very stretchy and smooth, or it passes the windowpane test. Shape into a ball, place in a lightly greased bowl, cover with plastic wrap and let it rise until double in size; about 1 hour in a warm, humid environment. After 1 hour if not in use, place dough in the fridge. Otherwise, divide into 3-4 equal sizes.

Preheat oven to 220c degrees and have a baking sheet lined with parchment paper ready (not in the oven). Roll out dough into a long, pencil-thin cigar shape or like a thin rope.  Start from the middle, roll towards the ends. Do not apply too much pressure or the dough will tear. Thirty inches or more would be ideal. Form each rope into a pretzel shape. Place the shaped pretzels onto the baking sheet lined with parchment and place it into the fridge for 20 minutes uncovered so that they are easier to hold onto when dipping into the lye bath.

Lye bath 
Traditionally, authentic pretzels go through lye/caustic soda/sodium hydroxide bath. However, lye is not easily obtainable (it's a strong alkali which can cause chemical burns if not handled properly), so baking soda bath (in original recipe) is more commonly used as a substitute. I used lye, which bakes the pretzels into that rich, brown shade and imparts a unique "pretzel" flavour which soda bath cannot do.

300g cold water
16g food grade caustic soda/lye/sodium hydroxide

Wearing protective gloves, place water and lye into a stainless steel bowl. Whisk slowly using a stainless steel whisk until all the lye has dissolved and water is clear. Dip the chilled pretzels into the lye solution then place the pretzels onto the baking sheet.

Bake in the oven for roughly 7 minutes.

Topping

2tbsp melted butter
1/4cup sugar (mix of brown and caster) + 1/2tsp cinnamon

Brush baked pretzels with melted butter. Dip in/sprinkle the cinnamon sugar mixture.

Peach Galette

First bake of 2019! 

Loving the simplicity and rustic look of this free-form pie! It’s literally fruits and pie crust. So simple yet so tasty 😋 Peaches were harvested from the garden. So many of them had holes with a bit of bugs in them, but at least I know they’re free of pesticide. This year if I can be bothered I might do the Malaysian aunty thing - wrap them in brown paper bags 😆

The recipe I used is from here - although as usual, I made changes to adapt.

Flaky pie dough recipe
Link to recipe has an instructional video which is informative and easy to follow.

112g plain flour (or a mix of whole wheat pastry and plain around 7:3 ratio)
1/2tbsp caster sugar
1/2tsp salt
112g cold butter, cut into roughly 1.5cm cubes
57g cold water

Whisk flour, sugar and salt together in a bowl. Grabbing onto some flour with fingers, smash the butter cubes flat. Repeat until all cubes are smashed. No need to rub, we don't want breadcrumb texture. The butter chunks must be visible. Stir in water, gently knead until the dough comes together into a shaggy ball. If the dough feels too soft and sticky, refrigerate until colder. It should be 18 - 21c degrees, overworking will warm the dough.

On a generously floured surface, roll dough into a 5 x 7.5" rectangle. Fold the dough in half bring the shorter ends together, then repeat. It's like folding an A4 paper into a quarter of its size. Then roll into a round shape, roughly 14". Dust off any excess flour. Transfer onto a baking sheet lined with baking paper, cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 2 hours before using.

Peach filling
I did not follow the recipe exactly (mostly because I forgot the tapioca starch step and I didn't have rum) but I can imagine it'll be just as tasty if not better!

350g peaches, cut into 1/2" wedges
1tbsp caster sugar

Preheat oven to 200c degrees. Remove pie dough from the fridge so that it will soften a little before using. Leave it on the counter while you prepare the peaches. Dry peaches as much as possible, then arrange onto the pie dough, starting from the middle, leaving about 2inches border from the edge of the dough. Cut slits in the border from peaches to the edge, spaced around 5 inches apart. Fold each segment of dough over peach, ensuring they overlap. Refrigerate the pie while preparing the egg wash. 

Egg wash
1 egg + 1 egg yolk
1tbsp cream
1/8tsp salt

Whisk everything together until runny. Brush onto pie dough evenly ensuring all surfaces, edges and crevice are covered. 

Finishing

1tsp apricot jam warmed in the microwave then mixed with 1tsp water

Bake the pie in the middle rack for 25-30 minutes. 5-10 minutes before finishing brush on apricot jam mixture onto the peaches. This will give a shiny, juicy appearance. Let cool on a cooling rack for 5 minutes before serving.