HONEY!!! I've moved to http://pakcheebong.tumblr.com/


tumblr's font is way nicer than blogger's.

I dont really know what i'm thinking. Why is it fading for another? I don't understand. I feel like a bastard. I haven't make that decision, but the answer seems clear.

I suck man...

Paid $10.50 worth of fines from National Library. Gonna have to pay more to RP's library soon.


Took a shortcut over a fence and sprained my ankle. How sweet.


Boss is impressed by my work. Feels good.

Haiz.. I suck man.


First day of the intern. Everyone was pretty friendly. I end up doing Flash instead of InDesign. Away with the layouts and here comes the interactive website design.

I hate myself for not being about to open up to people when i'm the minority group. I was so stressed up then. I could not talk, i could not do my work well due to the poor understanding of actionscript. I struggled in my own skin and made little progress today. Everyone started taking turns to leave after 5pm. I did not dare go. I waiting for someone to tell me that i can go. I did not want to leave a poor impression of myself. I then decided to leave once i've settled the part i've been struggling with. I gave up struggling and asked. The problem we solved shortly and i left at 7pm.

One reason why i did not dare to ask we because i could not remember names very well. I only remember Jon, the guy i'm supposed to report to, Fong, the big boss and CJ, some guy that i've only said "Hi" to. Apart from that, i can't remember any. The second guy i'm supposed to report to and the Flash expert that was assign to help me, i could not remember his name. Dammit.


THEY EVEN KEPT FROGS TO FEED THEIR ARROWANA!!! AND THE CONTAINER OF FROGS WERE NEAR THE ENTRANCE AND EXIT!!! How traumatizing.


I kept a strong front till i was some distance away from the building before starting to breakdown. My hands started shivering. My legs turned jelly. I started felling horrible. I almost teared. Right before i board the bus, i felt something bite my thigh really hard. But there was nothing there. I almost fell to my knees. I struggled to talk to someone. I felt better after i did.


Well, tomorrow will be a better day after the Flash pro kept insisting that i ask if i'm not sure of anything.


TOMORROW WILL BE A BETTER DAY!!!

Ehehehehehehehehe...


I think i'm turning insane..

There's so much to do yet so little time.


Project Brief to be done & submitted by Monday.

Learn the basics of Photoshop and InDesign by Tuesday.

Tuesday start internship.

FYP.



This holiday is only 5 days long. I'm left with 3 days that have yet to come.

My ulcer is taking my jaw along with it. Dammit, the pain from the ulcer is causing my jaw to ache. Haiz.


I wished i had more guts this life time..

Haiz. How dreadful can life get? My holiday had finally come to an end. It was less than 36 hours. And now it's almost gone. I was so happy to realise that i had slept 10 hours. It's been really really long since i got such sleep. And now, my holiday is ending the moment i go to bed.


Life is so wonderful. It's ever changing. I don't know what to expect next. I don't know what to expect from myself. I think i had changed. From one who submits 2 out of 11 A. Maths homework in a term to one who is borrowing books from library to learn new skills. I guess i just need a little motivation at times. A good kick in the ass should get me moving. I always wanted to live a lazy and carefree lifestyle. No problems, no troubles, no solution, no worries. But i guess it's impossible to achieve such things without effort. How ironic that was, needing to work to enjoy a lazy and carefree lifestyle. Then again, you will never know what is happiness without sorrow. You won't know what is relax without work. It kind of a balance thing.


Sometimes, i feel amazed about how much i had changed. Knowing myself, i see the differences in myself when i face different events in life. Every step i take, i see a new me. One that had evolved for the better or for the worst. This time round, i had become a workaholic. And i'm hoping to lose this part of me the next time i observe a change. I don't want to be a workaholic. I want to spend more time with my friends and loved ones, whoever they are. I want to be more open to people. Daring to share what's deep down in me exactly. I want to know who i really am. Till i'm a different Sam when i meet different groups of people. I feel so fake to a certain extent. I want to be me.


As i step closer into adulthood, i feel more insecure. To a certain extent, my life still revolves around learning. But somethings in life can't be taught through textbooks. "Life" itself, is a book i'm writing every second of my life. "Love", an abstract emotion that i have yet to find an explanation to. Anything that co-relates with "Love", i seem to know so much, yet so little. When people needs advice, i'm more than willing to share. But when it comes to me, i find it hard to heed the advices i give people. If i can't do it, who am i to be telling others what to do? I have no experience, so why am i advising others? Haiz. Well, everyday is a day to learn. Today, i learn that i don't know. Tomorrow, i learn the things i don't know and realise that there is more that i don't know.


Why am i trying to be an "ideal" person when i myself had not set a definition for it? What is "ideal"? Why am i reading books and magazine trying to be an "ideal" person? How to be a man woman wants. How to be socially accepted in society. All that i have read haven't answered the reasons of why i even started reading such content. Haiz.


Whatever it is, i'm not being emo. I'm just thinking, wondering and feeling curious. I just feel.. lonely now. And a little lost.


Time to end my holiday.

Here's a little something to help eliminate all the emo suggestions on the blog.


I'm a happy boy. For awhile, or quite some "while"s. UT is over, semester had ended and i got an internship. How cool is that? Man, i'm so excited, i'm borrowing books from the library to understand design more. After all, i did not learn much of design. It's mainly persuasion and sequential and motion design i had learnt. Well, never too late to upgrade myself.


When thursday comes, work would problem come pouring in again.


Well, goodnight world.

While bathing, i was thinking of something random. And i realised that i'm no different from a homing missile. Don't start laughing yet. I have my reason.

I realised that whenever i set my eyes on something, i'll go all out to get it. I become a monster charging my way through things just to get what i want. Just like a homing missile, when it's locked onto its target, it does nothing but reach it's target. And just like a homing missile, i go for nothing but my target and miss out on other opportunities around me.

Sometimes, i wonder if my mindless behavior is acceptable. I don't know and i really with to find out. I move on so quickly, i drop every bit of opportunity around me. It had been happening since secondary school. Haiz.. I feel so blinded by myself. I wish i could change.


I know i sound super uncreative saying this, but sometimes, i do wish somethings can be learned from textbooks.