Amazingly, i think i spent less than $40 on food in 2 weeks. Well, i guess the school have to get some credit for that. All the short breaks and more work had discouraged me to eat during break therefore resulting in an increase of savings. Well, i guess i like it this way, only in the context of finance. My stomach do hunger quite a lot though.


I think all the exercising and lack of rest is killing me a little.

I found a new energy. Jogging. I've undergone 3 jogging sessions so far. Last friday, monday and tuesday. Had a break today though my legs ain't aching very badly. All the running had result in crazy fatigue which i'm somewhat not in control of. I need to chill my mind a little. I guess the results ain't obvious for now. After all, it's ain't much running. Had a test from the above today. I missed my bus so i had to run to the next stop to catch it. Caught my bus, failed the running. I guess my legs ain't 100% recovered. I kept breaking down after short sprints. But i guess i'll pass the endurance test.

My break from running was changed to a fitness workout. I've not gone to a gym for my usual routine lately. So i did a little of crazy push-ups to push up my chest, chin-ups, dips, sit-ups and some biceps stuff. Gotta prepare for the coming showcase in Sentosa, if you know what i mean. Haha.

I realised my sit-ups ain't as great as i though i was. Though i had the frame for my potential six-pack, there is no strength in there. Dammit. Now one more thing to train.


Things in school is improving. I'm pushing myself to be more productive. I managed to read quite a lot for CoP and had great discussions with the team. Things did not go so fine for Sequential Art because i was too shallow. But the mistakes made are opportunity to learn and improve. Today's Directing and Performance was quite fun. At least something away from reading and theories. I played the role of a director today. It's quite fun, but it requires a lot of analysis prior knowledge. Lucky for me i had cooperative performers. I don't mind playing the role of a director through the semester though. Haha. Do consider me for a director if you need one. Haha.

Week 1 is completed for me. Well, many changes in the school system. Breakouts are no longer breakouts. They have a new name. It's called study break. Time is short and there are lots to read. I guess that's a possible explanation behind the empty canteens. Everyone did not have the time to go down for a simple bite. Well, what is there for us to complain about? School is starting quite late already. Where there are compromises, there are sacrifices.

Some new things about the system, there is homework. Out of four modules i'm taking, i have homework for three modules. The faci for the forth module could have forgotten to tell us what to prepare before the next lesson. Well, i guess that ain't a bad thing. At least it keeps my mind busy about what i had learnt in class.

Got myself the very first 'B' grade of the year. It's quite demoralising, but i'll push on and prove to the faci that i deserve more than just a 'B'.

I'm still a little worried about my FYP stuff. My team is moving a little too slowly to me. Or am i just getting a little too demanding? I wish to send out the first proposal by tomorrow. I'm going to lose my bad habits for the team, for the grade.


Enough of school, life had been kind of interesting to me. I just introduced to reading again. I use to read the newspaper.. headlines only. Now i'm forced to read a 14 paged resource and more. Well, i can't expect myself to work miracles. I read till i got a flu on monday. Now i'm trying to push myself to read, little by little. Read one page and day and stuff. Sooner or later, i'll be some pro-shit reading professor.

Gotta get myself some good rest now. Gonna go for a good jog tomorrow morning. Gotta get fit and pass my NAFA on the first try. I'm not going to freaking fail that fitness test. I only fail one thing in life, Chinese!!

No Flash? No problem. Flipbooks then.

Haiz. I feel quite down man. Lots of things ain't going as i've expected it to be. My morale is quite low towards my FYP team. I'm trying to do a good job being the leader, but it seem so difficult. I want to do up a mind blasting project so everyone in the team will be happy. But it's obvious that one shoe don't fit all. While doing the role of the leader, i'm trying to be some welfare officer too. Trying to please everyone at once is just so hard. I seriously hope i be optimistic about this, i don't want the team to have a bad start. I don't want to run the team with an iron fist.

I feel kind of bad, i've wasted my team members' time. When things was going high, we realised something that result in a confusion. Went for an advisor hunt but to no avail. In the end i e-mailed him and told my team members to go home cause my advisor is busy with the orientation camp and he won't be replying anytime soon. Haiz. I've wasted their time man. I feel horrible.


I hate the holidays. My mind was on break for too long, i forgot how to generate ideas. I had no problem generating ideas in class, now that my mind had taken a break, it's off to think about many unnecessary stuff. I can't wait for school to start so my mind can continue it's purpose.


Sometimes, i really wish i had someone to lean on at such a moment. When times are on the down side, i want someone i can talk to. I wish to have someone there waiting for me at the end of a troubled day. Be it a friend or my significant other, i would love to have at least a soul near me at a time like this. To a certain extent, i think i am a solution in the eyes of many. When things go wrong, who do you call? Me. The only time i receive a msn conversation or a text message or call out of the blue, it have to be a problem with a planned solution waiting for me to execute or a problem waiting for a solution. To a certain extent, i guess i can relate to some solo superheros like Superman and others. These are frictional characters that help people without expecting anything back. When there is trouble they are there. But when the hero is in trouble, who's there to help him? When things go really bad to the extent where Superman is not in the condition to help, everyone turn their backs on him. Sometimes, it can be hard living a lonely life.


My directions are blurred now. Gotta find a solution for myself.

Ever heard the statement, "People who uses headphones are selfish"? Well, i guess people won't really understand till they are in the shoes of those who really have one. The reasons may vary. One might be a man of details and quality. Another might just not have a chance to consider the statement above. Well, i guess when done don't really have many friends, one would not have the opportunity to consider if he or she would be sharing their music. After all, a lonely person would be alone most of the time. So there isn't really i need to have something more flexible.


Had an FYP meeting today. Things were supposed to start at 11am, but half the team wasn't there on time. The initial location of the meeting was Woodlands library. It was fine till i settled down. The place was too quiet. It's damn scary. You can hear every single activity going on in there. And maybe that could explain why the lady in front of me kept looking up at me when i had my music on. I'm sorry if i disturbed the vacuum box. Another major problem was i could not access the internet. That means no last minute research; if there is any need for it. So down to school with half the team and waited till 1330 before the meeting begin. Well, stuff is moving slowly but smoothly. No major hiccups yet; glad to have none too. Well, i guess i need to change myself for my team. It's impossible to say "no more", so i'll procrastinate less and have more initiative. Time to do a leader role properly.


I've been thinking a little about my future, where will i go after my national service, what do i want to pursue. Well, i guess i've somewhat decided that i want to do animation in the future. After all, i've got all sorts of ideas now but i don't have my best friend, Flash with me now. That's not the point. Well, i've been making a lot of consideration and i guess i want to take my lousy animation skills a step further. Well, there are plenty of opportunities, but you'll have to look for them. And i think i've kind of decided where i want to go to too. As recommended by a facilitator, i don't mind giving Vancouver Film School a shot. I can't really raise the bar for myself and do something decent in the coming future. Who knows, i'll be doing the next Wall-E or Barney and Friends 3D in the future. Haha.


Gotta get myself some decent rest now. I've been feeling pretty tired lately. I don't really understand, but i guess there is no understanding needed. Rest is all i need. THE END

I've almost not gym for 2 weeks if i did not go to the gym today. Damn, i'm turning S&S(Small&Soft). Haha. Well, i've been observing myself lately in the gym. I get exhausted pretty quickly and i tend of feel a little nauseous when i push myself. Sometimes, the back of my head will start hurting and my jaw feels numbed. Damn, i really wonder if i'm really pushing myself too hard or just that i'm having some "hidden" health problems. As what my brother once told me, the welfare people in the army worry more about the fit people because they can't identify any medical conditions if there are any. Haha. Well, guess it ain't too good to be fit, neither is it good to be unhealthy. Haha.


It's very strange how the people around me works. Well, people assume what the don't see and make irrational decisions to follow up their assumptions. If you think that's unfair, wait till you get punished for do something you know it's right. Well, i know opinions are subjective, but sometimes things are pretty much too obvious for one to think otherwise.


Sometimes people just place too much hope on me. After taking so much away from me, they want more out of me. Well, i'm working hard to stay alive, but it's all for myself. And when something goes wrong with their "investments", they expect me to be the perfect one and make no mistakes like the other. In case you don't realised, i'm not perfect. Or should i say i'm less imperfect than the others. Maybe that's just how i view myself, but don't expect me to make anything out of nothing. I'm already giving way more than i should. Sometimes i feel stupid acting this way. Don't push it.

I've been thinking a lot lately. Well, it's part of my life after all. A moment not asleep is a moment of reflection or thought. I'm glad to be of such, but it comes at a price too. Sometimes my mind just get so busy, i can't put myself to rest.

Sometimes, i feel sort of like a machine. I've lost some things that are vital to a human. Or should i put it as, i've locked up some parts of me during my youth and now i can no longer have them back. I feel kind of sad but it had happened. I just wish i could let it all out at times.


I've been thinking a lot about my past and how it had affected my actions today. Well, i think i grew up in a pretty "unfair" environment, but i never regretted it. Watching others getting pampered around me makes me want to work even harder and show everyone around that they are missing something better. But after so many years of working hard, though my progress is slow, i've never lose hope of my goals. I want to be stronger I can live my life without love. I can live life without help. After all, i want born with nothing but my bare hands. And with this pair of hands, i'm going to fight my way to the top. I want to prove the whole world wrong. They set eyes on the wrong people. But i don't want any love from any other, it's too late. Survival of the fittest. I'll put up a fair fight and win those who played unfairly.


Back to YCK some days back. The visit brought back a lot of great memories. But still, i feel a little awkward around. After all, i've not been back for 2 years. New faces and all, everyone had changed. I'm not surprised. Then again, i wasn't surprised to be learning a lot from my knowledgeable conductor, Mr Ng. The thing about my persona thing and stuff really amazed me. I planned what to wear over to YCK the day before and so happen that the prints actually reflected on my current thought and feelings. In fact, i kind of plan what i want to wear out pretty early. Just like me going to the club last night, the print of my shirt actually reflected on how portrayed the day to be, how i feel at that moment. And thinking even further, it's the same as what i've planned to wear of the first day to school. Isn't it just amazing how our minds work without our knowledge?


Clubbing was okay yesterday. It's supposed to be a day of celebration for Leonard and it still was. To be honest, i did not really spend a lot of time in the club. I was outside most of the time because of my stupidity. I drank a little too much too quickly. And all the dancing made my stomach a little discomforting. I ended up taking a lot of breaks and drinking a lot of water. I swear i was thinking fine then, i just felt like vomitting majority of the time. I really wish to thank everyone for wasting their time with me while i was feeling wrong. And before leaving, i had a really good short talk with Mya.