watched some combined schools' choir christmas concert today (by mr kwei).
i was only entertained by the jc/alumni groups, the rest were really bad. ahh, was expecting something much better from the lot, with an established conductor at the helm.
anyway, i don't have to work tomorrow. so happy, coz i can sleep in. i wake up at 6.45am (good grief), get out of house by 7.50am, catch the train by 8.05am, and reach office by 9.00am (ok i was late by a few minutes twice, boo boo).
yes, 1h10min of travel time!!! all my other colleagues either drive or stay in the northeast area. so good.
i plan to jog, sprint - i'm bad at sprinting - and swim this weekend. and maybe up my strength and upper body mass (lol).
why am i still so skinny around the arms, but relatively large at the stomach and thighs.. haha?
i'm quite vain, right? but i'll feel good if i look good :( and must pick up some sport, or else very lose face when people ask 'do you do sports?'
i mean, i still have this notion stuck in my head, that guys ought to be sporty (girls can do anything they want), else, they're yellow-bellied pansies. how ironic, but i'm not sporty at all! D:
but it's confirmed time after time, that i just have no aptitude for sports. my dad exposed me to quite a few sports in the past, like badminton, tennis, basketball, table-tennis, even squash. i had so much problems serving the ball; took really long to get that right. and up till now i return shots with a success rate of about 10-20%. i wish i got my dad's sporty genes.
and i used to like playing football with my classmates, i remember, in primary 3. i always volunteered or got placed at the defenders' position haha. once, i was even goalie, and i let in 7 consecutive goals :'(
since then, no more football for me. and it's so shameful to tell people, i suck at sports, really! how i wish i loved football or could play it decently. then i would be mixing around more with the sporty, fun guys, instead of the quiet geeky-types. and, hey, there's some truth in those stereotypes!
and this dislike/fear of sports, especially team sports, just persisted until today. since primary school to jc, whenever the class is to play team sports (especially football or frisbee) against another class or within ourselves, i feel so lost and ashamed! and just relegate myself to the defender's position and hopefully find like-minded yellow bellied pansies there and start chatting with them.
and i just didn't fit in, totally, in waterpolo and swimming, which i somehow (i still think it's a mistake) got selected for in secondary 1! i was like, the SLOWEST swimmer. and i wasn't rough/tough enough to fight for the ball (woah, waterpolo players ARE VERY ROUGH when playing waterpolo, worse than ruggers when playing rugby). and don't mention catching balls. oh, and my throwing strength and technique were inadequate.
the only times when i felt i was more, useful as a team member, were whenever my class played floorball against another class, or when we played waterpolo within the class. coz most other people are rather handicapped in the water, and my freestyle is fast enough to outswim them. harhar.
i really REALLY wish i can call a friend and go, eh wanna play badminton tomorrow? or get invited to play football on a weekend morning. but, i'm just not cut out for sports, really. and being un-sporty makes you less connected with other males. REALLY!
you can't take part in EPL discussions, you can't compare about your friends' football skills, you can't have a great bonding session kicking some ball. back in bmt as an instructor (i prefer the word 'instructor' to 'commander' which the higher-ups want to call us), my fellow people there would often go kick football, be it at company line after ro, or at the street soccer court (yes there's one at rocky hill).
when the football fever just started, i got asked so many times 'eh clifford want to join not?' i always refused! coz i can't kick no ball. then the one time i did oblige (because another guy who claimed he can't play football either - yet he's a malay (stereotyping) - agreed to join too) made me feel a little silly, too. like, there's so many people who're so engrossed in the game, you can actually tell that they get a bit turned off whenever someone seriously lacking in skills is playing alongside or against them.
it sucks to make someone feel that way, to spoil their fun because you wanted to join or were invited to join in, you know. so i quickly subbed myself out at the first possible chance. i always did that since 13 years ago (i'm 20 now).
if there's anything i can do that makes myself feel proud, it's probably my academics lor (not piano, coz i know how inadequate i am). but so what if i'm proven by moe to be smart.
i don't want to be a geek!!! i want to be a typical tall dark handsome sporty stud who is a 衣架子 (meaning someone who has a good figure that any clothing looks good on him) and likes to wear well-fitting t-shirts and bottoms that show off his broad, shapely figure. these people usually have a pretty girl by their side, too.
as shallow as it may sound, your looks do define a part of you, or at the very least portray a part of you, no? assuming you don't purposely wear something that's out of your comfort zone. and it's very important when you're not living alone. it boosts your self-confidence, you think you're good and people do turn your way. it gets you a girl (or a guy) faster, and also, a job.
ok, i want to be, in addition to being smart, a typical tall dark handsome sporty stud! lol if i'm a stud i'll probably become a narcissus.
