how come so many ri boys are adding me as friends on facebook (lol) (yes i know the answer to that)

oh no, i don't recognise all of them lol (bad teacher, bad teacher)

quickie

i'm so tired

i really enjoy reading books now (wished i had discovered it sooner)

i am going for another camp (yay) in school

i <3 my new friends

i am very tired right now, packing up for the camp (can i stay out so i don't have to pack?)

blame that on my inefficiency

i'm scared of last minute rushes for rag (inevitable)

i need to finish packing everything because i'm leaving house at 7am tomorrow and i want sleep

i don't have many modules to choose freely, however if my bids are successful, i think i could have a 3-day week!

which is amazing, because i'll not breathe for 3 days especially wednesday which i have back-to-back stuff

and i could actually do CCA on weekends and a weekday (occasionally)

ok maybe things aren't as bad as i always like to think (:

but i'm very tired now so bye bye i need to pack!

instances of joy

TODAY!

IS THE DAY!

I STOP TUTORING 2 OF MY 6 TUITION KIDS!

really, the thought of it is liberating. coaching lazy and supremely unknowing, unintelligent (not elitist, but... oh well. sorry.) people is really too hard. their lack of smarts in the subject is mostly due to their sloth, actually. and they don't know how deep the trouble they are and will be in, if they do want to get good results. ridiculous, ok? jc repeat student - 18 years old, and as you can tell, not thoughtful for his age - STILL failing in some subjects. at least he finally passed mine.

i had tried a couple of ways to get them to move and do work, but they're really too lazy. if i give them work, they don't do it. scold? no use. praise and encourage, also no use. 

hello!? this isn't an extra-curricular activity like piano lessons, which you can decide not to take seriously because it does not have direct bearing on your studies. their mindset is all wrong, and i alone cannot effect good change onto them.

never mind all that. i'll FINALLY receive payment from ALL of my kids this week. it's about time - h1n1 be damned. since end-june i have subsisted on bank savings and the occasional trickle of cash flow from a student who pays per lesson. that trickle is not enough if you travel and eat out nearly every day. [comment: travelling this month is a real-life financial horror story.]

tsk, i'm full of negative energy...

happier stuff: matriculated yesterday, and i really really really really want to join some CCAs! decided not to be a spendthrift and continue using the macbook i already have (thanks to a certain person for knocking sense into me. if we're not [Auto]CAD-ing in first year why get a brand new notebook/macbook?). it's starting to get slower during start ups and surfing the internet, though.

slightly upsetting stuff (life's full of these): i have 2 conflicting dinner parties on the same day! s***, i didn't realise it until yesterday, when the invite for a obviously-once-ever 25th anniversary dinner appeared in my mail. thing is, i had expressed interest in this event, hence the invite (and seats are very limited), but i'd rather go for the other dinner because it's with so many good new friends i just made! maybe i'll try to go for BOTH, somehow, as crazy as it may sound.

positive mindset, please!

my life really isn't that bad now, if i don't think about the money i've used, and compare mine with others...

i can't wait to...

1. finally settle down on a fixed schedule, and not worry what is to happen the next day.

2. solve my little money problems (actually it's not very small, but finances aren't tight as of now. long-term problems will be pressing.)

3. end all orientations, because i feel a bit bad when i can't attend most of them and become a hi-bye friend to most ):

simply put, more money, more time! HAIZ. why am i in this state all of a sudden?

M.I.A

i want to go into hiding now!!!!

how come university orientation/administration procedures take forever? 

letters and emails come in dribs and drabs, from different people. meetings scattered throughout the past month. 

everyone's trying to pull me in. but i really can't commit myself to all of them.

first, it's orientation camps. now, it's o-week. in the midst of my tutoring and relief teaching and gatherings. i want to die already la! i HATE travelling this frequently. need at least 1 place where i can settle down with a peace of mind, every day. apart from home, that is. 

maybe i now understand what ge0rge had commented to me, when i mentioned i wanted to try as much as possible during university.

plan: just go for what's important to me! must reduce tuition immediately! read up more about architecture and absorb nice ideas!

but, i really want to try other stuff... like how my friend in medicine got a module in MUSIC CONDUCTING (special request), hopefully i can manipulate my modules as best as i can.

too many things to achieve in a short time, don't know how to do that...

EUREKA

i just thought about something as i watched this video:



i want to be a music producer/arranger! no more singer daydreams (too old and ugly).

to be creative, to have (some) individual say in the final product, to shape regional/global trends. wow, isn't this amazing?

bad english

i'm nowhere as proficient as my peers in languages - i'm nearly as prone to language errors and clumsiness as the average junior college student. 

however, at the expense of possibly sounding atas, i affirm the following is not well-written:

XXX Fair is an annual event whereby students officially become students of XXX! XXX Fair is an exciting event whereby freshmen can get to watch Videos depicting university life, win attractive prizes, and stop by their faculty booths to purchase past year papers that has proven to be very effective! Students can also experience firsthand the vibrancy of the university through this important annual event. There're more than 100 student activity clubs joining XXX Fair each year, bringing out the campus life and vibrancy. This event is the only place where you get to experience the vibrancy and fun XXX life all in one place and It's all happening at [XXX venue]. Inject fun and laughter into your university life, come up and join us, many exciting and fun booths await you! Many prizes and freebies to be given away! Cya there at XXX X! How could you start off your XXX life without the first big step with us?

1. 'students officially become students' - confusing, when that word is used interchangeably with 'freshmen'.

2. you can't join a fair. 

3. repetitions of 'XXX fair', 'whereby', 'vibrancy', 'place' and 'many' abound. within one sentence of each other.

4. come TO the fair

5. no capitalisation of nouns, such as 'Videos', occur in the english language. 

6. which people do the word 'us' refer to?

i'm slightly uncomfortable with events referred to as a place, although it does make some sense. 

sigh. things like this make me wish...

***

i don't have the habit of reading, because i hate the risk of picking up a bad book, and because the first 10 minutes of reading a bad or average book isn't as gratifying as 10 minutes of computer games. 

i bought a few books by literary giants, but couldn't digest them for too long. 

i just finished reading my sister's keeper by jodi picoult, a book recommended by a friend. it's so well written and gripping, i finished it in a week. anyone with half a heart will be emotionally affected throughout the book; fantastic melodrama which isn't far-fetched, something local scriptwriters can learn from. 

really, local scriptwriters (tsk, mediacorp) should go expose themselves to better stories. give undergraduate scholarships for scriptwriting and acting, too. locally-produced dramas are engaging but typical nowadays. come to think of it, both the local programmes' audio and subtitle languages are pretty good.

anyway, the book. i just LOVE imperfect characters with deep thoughts and emotions, fleshed out in simple yet powerful prose. the first-person narrative was used throughout, which allowed the inner thoughts to be exposed. the story is interestingly broken up into small sub-chapters, each narrated (unwittingly?) by one of the main characters. 

i also liked how each chapter (each chapter is a day in the story) is preceded by a quote, which adds to the graveness of the series of unfortunate events.

i'm probably going to buy her other books, when i've the time to read more fiction. should really start reading course-related books now.

oh, the ending of lucretius' sensation and sex was just alright. finished reading it a few weeks back already.

need private time

i think i've not been functioning at 100% for at least a good 6-7 months.

i've been in a daze, i can't field conversations (not that i've been good at it before) as easily, my current schedule is really jam-packed, non-stop working, driving lessons (I JUST BLOODY FAILED MY FIRST TEST TODAY BECAUSE OF A PEDESTRIAN AND A U-TURN $%^&%^ WASTE MY $160!!!!!! 2 IMMEDIATE FAILURES I'M SO DUMB GAAAAAH. PISSED THAT I SPENT $160 ON NOTHING.) or meeting up with other people for important matters (such as catching up after a long while and 21st birthdays).

really, what i want now is to stay home for a week. and get all of my lost money back. 

some things are draining me more than they are helping me.

i'm alright if i have to work from 8am to 8pm, really (as long as the work is not a bore nor too stressful). but i really need my rest.

oh, i finally bought lady gaga's album at $11.90 (singapore version). it's pretty well arranged.

pain in the ass

i've a small cyst-like thing on my left butt T_T

i've no idea what it is. was thinking it could be acne (EW ACNE ON BUTT) so i'll be waiting to burst it once and for all.

in the meantime i need to endure slight pain when i sit down... 

:(

office whisper

*i'm in the office now. it is very silent here, more silent than usual, because most are away from their desks, either having lessons or eating lunch i suppose.

i don't really think blogging during office hours is an offence, is it really? honestly i've absolutely nothing to do. just completed my last task for the day. so blogging and surfing the net now really does not lower my work productivity.

anyways. been meeting some very nice kids (paternal instincts at 21 years old? i don't want to change nappies. haha). let loose my temper, finally. but the ensuing silence didn't last for long as i really can't be angry at a class which has a couple of nice boys (amongst the less mature ones).

sidetrack: but i think many of my peers HAVE thought about their long term future, with regards to their family life. pretty scary to think about that, because i don't feel like an adult, yet.

the daily things constantly remind you about that. that you're still on life support from your parents. you're still schooling and not yet working. your parents' attitude towards you has changed little since ns. they still nag when you come home late.

the shocking revelation that you're still getting skinnier or fleshier in the wrong areas when you see your naked body in the mirror, and you wish you had more time and determination to correct that. you spend your free time blogging, facebook-ing, playing video games instead of reading the economist or the straits times [i really just don't have an interest for most hard news around the world. that's sad.].

so, it's really true, that being an adult is just being more responsible. which honestly speaking, i was and still am. maybe my development isn't as extreme as others. but i know i've changed (ever so slightly between stages) from primary school to secondary, junior college, army, and now.

also chatted with an unlikely teacher, unlikely because she's never taught me before but somehow recognises me for being part of her memorable 2004 batch. she's really quite nice, we were chatting about that troubled guy in my sec 4 class, and she felt he might not have been in the correct environment to nurture him the right way. and that there are many of such people in the world (gay/lesbian, not psychotics) but are normal in all ways and they're just human. so we should respect and treat all of them normally (well, the fact that he harrassed us probably did change the way everyone around him treat lbgts).

that teacher was the one who boiled all those tea eggs for the entire cohort (orders from the venerable mdm wei). poor teacher, under mdm wei, but she felt she had learnt much during those 2 years. haha. so that's really nice.

my schedule has been turned upside down because of certain recent events, including camps, work and h1n1. so much that i put aside my university administrative work for so long that i would have missed the deadline for the submission of my tuition fee loan, had a friend not unintentionally reminded me when he talked about what had happened to him in the previous few days. Geez.*

get away!

i dislike:

self-righteous people who give zero consideration to others' opinions

people who aren't close to me and (almost always) start conversations by talking about themselves

people who ask the same questions repeatedly (3 times or more) in 1 meeting (very low retention rate)

people who assume that they're forever on good terms with me and take me for granted

pesky people

***

interestingly, university people are really nice people :) 

***

people, money and time give me too much stress... argh.

inadvertent

i slept at 3+am last night and woke up at 7.30am today. and i have not slept yet until now! 

and i'm still somewhat awake! amazing. wow.

i'm beginning to adapt myself to my future sleep pattern, without even trying to!

***

found out many hours ago an nsf officer just died from an accident. he was from the bmt company next to mine, so he was under some of my friends. i don't know him, by the way.

can you imagine, a life, with a soul brimming with the desire to be freed from 2 years of being shackled, with aspirations and dreams and the expectation of living til 80 years, smattered in a mere hour. 

what was he thinking during the last moments.

his family. loved ones. his friends. his dreams, perhaps. struggling to live for everything.

the third death of someone somewhat related to me that has affected me personally (mj's not included). all in less than a year.

it's totally unfair! he's too young, and have many people who knew him.

i wish the grieving the strength to carry on and come to terms with their loss...

extrapolating

i'm in the midst of an acute rash of gatherings and social things.

so much that i want to selectively declare sick! lol. no not for rag ('an-ewe-ess' rag), not for gatherings, but for certain other things...

i want to post a pic of the new jazz shoes (HAHA) that i bought just for rag.

anyway, about social things. i've seen quite a couple of people my age, dressed to the nines. with nice pretty evening dresses and office wear, for the girls. and long sleeved shirts and expensive watches and polished sharp-ended shoes and cufflinks for the guys. standing around while puffing a cigarette and joking away.

and then, i watched their mannerisms.

OH NO I CAN IMAGINE OURSELVES TWENTY YEARS FROM NOW.

when we turn middle-aged (gasp) and are more affluent and take to wearing office wear instead of preppy/casual shorts and a (polo?) tee. and some of us pick up smoking. others who have a bad sense of humour will continue to do so. 

and we joke about stupid and lame, army lingo-inspired, business or family-related things. 

and then, as we mingle around ourselves, and laugh and bare yellowed teeth, and teenagers look at us with astound [i think that's ungrammatical, is it?] 

WAH LAU THEY ALL SO UNCLE/AUNTIE!!!!

will i grow up to be at least dignified, if not cool and accepted wholesomely by every one of all age groups?

from what i am now. i'll probably be this meek "friend's dad" who asks his kids' friends nosey questions like "oooh, how are you? what cca are you in? how is *insert kids' names* in class ah?"

OBASAN!

and then, in the presence of other friends, does foolish, silly things to make every one laugh.

CHILDISH!

i can't imagine myself as a 40 year old. although i realise time has been running VERY FAST since 2008. maybe because i've been doing more things that i like starting from that year.