_Tuesday, May 31, 2005*

14days went by, slowly passing... as if time was relishing in the tension that built as minutes turned into hours and then to days. soon, 2 weeks were gone... the long awaited chinese o's are over, but strangely i don't feel happy, neither do i feel sad. it's just... over. so? there's still a long way to go, a long, long way more. feel so... bored? nah... just feelingless. don't wanna do anything other than sleeping. wish i could just hole myself up in my room and never come out again. this is bad... even shopping and movies have lost it's sparkle.

anws, thanks to all the chinese o level wellwishers!! thanks for all the encouragement. thank you God for blessing me with such great friends. =D to tim, khairi, kj, jiahwee, ver, ah ma, sandra, barron kor, chris, wy, royy, reuben, kenneth kor, kenneth, ethelyn, jean, kath, pammie, mark, calvin/kelvin?, ah botch, charis, lynnette, fahmi, uhhh... hope i haven't missed out anyone. haha! thanks for flooding my phone with messages and my comp screen with msn windows and helping me accumulate incoming call time! lol. sorry if i didn't manage to reply any one of you.


"Maybe it seems like a million years since we dated, but it's really not that long ago. Maybe it doesn't mean a thing to you now, maybe it didn't mean a thing to you then. But it meant a lot to me... It still does."
The OC, Marissa

sitting there and reminiscing about the first time we met. there you were, smiling like there was no tomorrow. haha! and all i could do was stand there like a red faced tomato.
the time we spent together, the stuff you gave, and the times you got into trouble because of me. where ever you went, you'd think of me! messaging me while you were playing soccer. getting whacked by you mom cos you missed your tuition to spend just to a lil more time with me.(damn i feel guilty.=X) how you carried around the huge birthday gift the whole time. how anxious you were to meet me even though you stretched your hamstring, those late night, early morning phonecalls... and many, many other precious moments... then suddenly everything came to a standstill. now, all i have left of you are those to stuffed puppies, the 500 over stars you sincerely folded, that pretty necklace, that card you spent the whole night writing, that bracelet,none the less, the fond memories. somehow i'm still not sure of how it all ended. or has it? i've tried to get on with life, forget you and move on. you were my first, i was yours too. guess that's why the memory of you is still stuck with me.

THAT day, THAT very fateful day, as i was thinking of you, you appeared. staring so hard that my eyes nearing popped out. i was wondering... is that you? could it be? right there at the place where we first met, stood you and me once again. when i got your first msg in countless months asking if i was there, i was ecstatic. a smile just spread across my face, just like how you always managed to make it appear in the past. then you came over... oh well, i guess you've probably gotten over it. at least you were able to recognise me from afar, thanks for those encouraging words, it was nice to talk to you again... really nice. you made my day, my week, whatever. it was at that time, that the memories i tried so hard to push back came flooding again. that cheeky smile of yours... oh well, you've changed, i've changed. all we can do now is recall fondly of the memories past. doubt you'll read this... but if you happen to, i just wanna thank you for all the memorable time together. you'll always be my first.

random lyrics:

Collide [Howie Day]
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

But I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find, you and I collide

I'm quiet, you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
You somehow find, you and I collide

Don't stop here
I've lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find, you and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

Everything [M2M]

It's been 9 days, 8 hours, 40 minutes, 10 seconds since you called,
I've been so crazy I've just about taken our picture off the wall,
It's been 3 months over a hundred days since you held my hand,
And I miss you in a thousand ways,
Will I ever see you again?

How did it change so fast
I won't give you to the past
I really thought it'd last

Chorus:
All that we had was so unbelievable,
Now that it's gone it's just inconceivable,
Still in my dreams you were so damn beautiful,
How could it be that you ruined my everything, everything, everything?

(Everything, everything, everything)

It seems like everywhere everyone's in love,
So where are you?
And I remember you couldn't get enough,
You felt it too,
Or did you?

How did it change so fast?
I wont give you to our past,
I really thought it'd last.

Chorus x2:
All that we had was so unbelivable,
Now that it's gone it's just inconceivable,
Still in my dreams you were so damn beautiful,
How could it be that you ruined my everything, everything, everything?

Everything, everything, everything
Everything, everything, everything
Ohh...you ruined my everything, everything, everything
Everything, everything, everything
Everything, everything, everything
Everything, everything, everything
Everything, everything, everything
Everything, everything, everything

It's been 9 days, 8 hours, 40 minutes, 10 seconds,
3 months and a hundred days,
And I miss you in a thousand ways,
Will I ever see you again?

The Day You Went Away [M2M]

Well I wonder,
Could it be?
When I was dreaming 'bout you baby
You were dreaming of me
Call me crazy,
Call me blind,
To still be suffering is stupid after all of this time

Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do, I do
You know I really really do

Well hey... so much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true
For me theres only you
Been lonely since tha day,
The day you went away.
Go On, Yay... Oh...

I remember - date and time
September 22nd Sunday twenty-five after nine
In the doorway
With your case
No longer shouting at each other
There were tears on our faces

And we were letting go of something special
Something we'll never have again, I know
I guess I really really know

Well hey, so much i need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true, for me there's only you
Been crying since the day
The day you went away
(The Day you went away)
The Day you went away
Go on, Yay...

Oh oh oh
Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do, I do
You know i really really do

Well hey, so much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true, for me there's only you
Been crying since the day
The day you went away

Why do we never know what we've got till it's gone
How could I carry on
The day you went away

Cause I've been missing you so much I have to say
Been crying since the day
The day you went away
The day you went away
The Day you went away...
Go on, Yay... Oh...

Mirror, mirror [M2M]

Mirror, Mirror lie to me.
Show me what I wanna see.
Mirror, Mirror lie to me.

Why don't I like the girl I see?
The one who's standing right in front of me.
Why don't I think before I speak? (I speak)
I should have listened to that voice inside me.
I must be stupid, must be crazy, must be out of my mind
To say the kind of thing I said last night

Mirror, Mirror hanging on the wall,
You don't have to tell me,
Who's the biggest fool of all.
Mirror, Mirror I wish you could lie to me.
And bring my baby back,
Bring my baby back to me.

Mirror, Mirror lie to me
Show me what I wanna see (to me)
Mirror, Mirror lie to me
Show me what I wanna see

Why did I let you walk away?
When all I had to do was say 'I'm sorry'.
I let my pride get in the way (the way)
In the heat of the moment I was to blame.
I must be stupid, must be crazy, must be out of my mind
Now in the cold light of the day I realize

Mirror, Mirror hanging on the wall,
You don't have to tell me,
Who's the biggest fool of all.
Mirror, Mirror I wish you could lie to me.
And bring my baby back,
Bring my baby back to me.

If only wishes could be dreams,
And all my dreams could come true.
There would be two of us standing here in front of you.
If you could show me that someone that I used to be.
Bring back my baby, my baby to me (my baby to me)

Mirror, Mirror hanging on the wall, (Oh, oh)
You don't have to tell me,
Who's the biggest fool of all.
Mirror, Mirror I wish you could lie to me.
And bring my baby back,
Bring my baby back to me. (my baby back)

Mirror, Mirror hanging on the wall, (baby, baby)
You don't have to tell me,
Who's the biggest fool of all. (I'm the biggest fool of all)
Mirror, Mirror I wish you could lie to me. (lie to me)
And bring my baby back,(Bring my baby back)
Bring my baby back (Baby back, baby back) to me.

Mirror, Mirror lie to me
Show me what I wanna see
Mirror, Mirror lie to me (2x)

Mirror, Mirror lie to me

*- amanda scribbled at 5/31/2005 12:09:00 PM

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_Monday, May 16, 2005*

oh my goodness...

14 days to the chinese o's.
I SWEAR I'M GONNA KEEP MY ITCHY FINGERS AWAY FROM THE COMP AND ON MY SHOU CE TILL THE CHINESE O'S ARE OVER...




starting from NOW.

ps. message me if you wanna contact me. but please only do so if it's a LIFE or DEATH situation. thank you very much. i'll try to reply asap. well, depends on the urgency of the contents. ok. see you in 2 weeks. God bless you.

*- amanda scribbled at 5/16/2005 11:17:00 PM

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_Saturday, May 14, 2005*

infatuation and disappointment

whoohoo! guess what(not who) i saw at NTUC?? it's POSTS CRANBERRY ALMOND CRUNCH!! ahhhh! my very first crush... who left me without saying goodbye and suddenly appeared outta the blue. hahaha! (don't worry tracy darling, you're still my one and only. >.<) wheeeeeee. i'm so happy. now i can sit down with my cranberries and stare at the great walls of china. :DDDDDD

thank you God! i wouldn't be able to survive without my almonds and cranberries. oh yesss, not forgetting my nata de cocos too. lol. 2 big packets to last me 2 whole weeks. the countdown is coming to an end(no, i'm not a star wars fan.)16 days to the cheena o's! oh yess... thank you God for the B4 for mye. it's a huge improvement from my usual sixes. =) i hope i'll be able to hop at least 2 grades up within 2 weeks... i don't mind 3 XP. doesn't hurt to aim high. heheh. wheee... i'm all stocked up for intensive cheena training. BRING IT ON!

hrmms, is anybody gonna apply for the DSA thingy?? bleh... i dunno if i should for golf... >.< not as if i've got my handicap yet. argh. i've only stuck with my miserable pc. butttttt, my previous coach's currently training some 9 year old kid who's winning tournaments locally and regionally.(pro sia.)maybe i could get him to help. and my current coach's also coaching VJC. not exactly where i wanna be but at least it's still somewhere. he said he would try to put in a good word for me. pfft. why doesn't cedar have golf?? -.- even neighbourhood primary schools have golf. oh please. we don't even have a swim team. damn we're poor. but i still think they're spending money on some really unneccesary stuff like the stupid automated barrier... which i think serves it's purpose(getting knocked down by cars ALL THE TIME)rather well. bleh. i don't wanna talk about the MOE here. those who know and chat with me know what my opinions on the MOE are. i don't wanna get sued by them. they're too frigging rich to mess with. talk about freedom of speech. doesn't seem very free... oh wells, after all this is singapore.

*- amanda scribbled at 5/14/2005 05:51:00 PM

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_Thursday, May 12, 2005*

i can't stand myself. -.-'"

shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. i did something so stupid that i feel like kicking myself... AGAIN. why the _ _ _ _ am i so frigging blur and forgetful?? such a bloody dreamer. WAKE UP LA GIRL!

- slapps -

argh. argh. ARGH. wake uppppp!

60 bucks.

down the drain.

just .

like .

that .

*- amanda scribbled at 5/12/2005 07:38:00 PM

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_Tuesday, May 10, 2005*

so little time... so many things...

HEYYYY i'm back!!! missed me?? lol. ok. don't answer. so many things have happened since my blog went on hiatus. think if not for the moral support of many friends and most of all from God's word, i would have totally broke down... mentally and physically. sheesh. can't imagine being hit by so many problems at the same time, and it's always like this. when you least need problems, they all seem to whack you over at the same time. HATE IT WHEN IT HAPPENS, but the only way to make it better is how to the person reacts towards the situation. it's either you give up, sit there and whine about how miserable life can be or you could stand up and fight for what you deserve.

being tekan by family issues, stress of syf and exams, losing my phone and relationship problems at the same time is no joke... AT ALL. seriously if not for God's encouragement through His word and through friends and my dear grandma. i'd be seriously on the verge of a mental breakdown... or probably by now, in imh for depression or something. i really have God to thank for getting me out of my sticky situations time and again.

when i was really down and weary, i'm so glad that i had my Jesus, family and friends standing by me. thanks for all words of encouragement no matter how few or short. i'm just really thankful for getting me through it all. though things aren't the end yet, thanks for bringing me all this way. thanks for everything... every single one of you.

oh well, i'm addicted to Collin Raye's Greastest Hits album! haha! it rocks. he's one of the best ever singers for all time. LALALA. songs like: Love, Me, One Boy, One Girl, Not That Different, etc. arghhh. so damn niceeeeeee!!! some of his songs are frigging cute too. haha. just cute. some are so touching that they'll bring tears to your eyes and make you go 'Awwww...' nice nice nice!!!!! all i can say is that his lyrics are really consistent. they're all so darn sincere. just everyday occurances. his songs are just FANTASTIC. does anyone know if he writes his own songs?? if he does, then he's a musical genius. gosh... i'm swooning over his songs. lol.

whee. i want more class outings!!! let's have a huge one after the o's. haha! maybe by then the staff at taka's seoul garden would recognise us or making them clear up so much stuff and probably scrub their butts off to get the horrible souveniers that we leave behind(oops). most of us should be OFFICIALLY 16 by the time o's are over, Let's flood the cinema for an nc16 show!! But, but, but, please don't pick a horror movie!! serene will freak out. and then i'll freak out too, then tracy'll scream and we'll all end up screaming. so please, no horror movies! KOH(kingdom of heaven)'s really nice. MUCH better than troy. one simple message: war has no positive outcome, no winners. just a matter of who loses less.

i love the peeps who make 4Z rock. x) i love the syf handbell girls too. plus the helpers and supporters who were there. :) it's not ok, but we know we deserve so much more. dance more juniors! must dance! you all better gert the much anticipated Gold. Let's not dissapoint them any further. you've got 2 years, many people said we were superb, but i guess we lack the -ehem- BOUNCE. >.< haha. i love you guys!

4z: weed, my darling tracy, preetos, botch, trex, AHMA!, and all you other fellow zuluians.
hb: dolly foo yu yu, ziling, zhiying, yingting, jiahueey, weed, yuan yuan, leona, bra, yanyi, aruna, lynette, diana, esther, elina and last but not the least MRS AW. shit. i do miss hb.

i love you guys!

darn the little ironies of life.

*- amanda scribbled at 5/10/2005 07:48:00 PM

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