Oh, life.

So I haven't really been up to blogging/writing lately, but I have had SO many things on my mind. As I said before I am doing a lot of catching up and journaling on lds journal so I am still getting most of my thoughts out. For me, it is very cathartic. Several times a day I make a mental note to myself and say write this down or you will forget. And half the time I do forget because I haven't written it down. I believe that my excellent long term memory is because I do write everything down. How do I know all the names of my teachers and friends from first grade on? Or where we were at an exact moment in time...thank you. Don't ask about my short term memory...flawed, very flawed. So, I sit here wishing I could kill Janet Lee for creating the most delicious cookie recipe on this planet because I can't help but make them every Sunday. (Wipe off mouth, big drink of milk.....curse you.) So many random thoughts. Here are just a few:

* Their is a man and his wife who walk around the track at the Rec Center and I see them quite often. (Not as oft because of my back, but you get the point.) She uses a walker and he has one shoulder lower then the other and walks with a distinct limp. Sometimes she takes little breaks and stops to sit. Every time he passes by her he waves and smiles like it is the first time he has seen her. It is about the cutest thing I have ever seen. The greatest part about it is that he walks at a snails pace. I think he goes around 1 lap for every mile I do, which is slow. But, he keeps going. What makes him keep walking when it seems so hard for him? He has taught me the lesson that the only thing keeping us from success is the failure to try. And I don't even know him.

*Being an adult still scares me too death. What? When did a get a husband and 2 kids? And, more importantly, who is letting me just do what I want to do, everyday, for the rest of my life? I'm crazy I know.

*Let's talk about Hoarders. STOP IT!!!!! Done.

*I got a side glimpse of myself in the mirror while I was sitting on my bed and it nearly horrified me. First thought, who put me in a fat suit? Second thought, I thought the chest went above the belly button. This may be a little TMI, but really.....really, yikes. Can I add this to the category of trying to love myself for who I am. I need to put that image deep deep down in my filing cabinet.

*I registered Jamison for first grade at his new school. It made me sick. I am sweating now just thinking about it. Bigger school, bigger classrooms, outside recess. One panic attack after another. I can't imagine the things he is going to learn next year and the many sit down talks we are going to have in the near future to "explain" things.

*Will I ever be able to run again? Banished for 2 weeks seems like an eternity. My feet still hurt like they have Charlie horses in them every day so I can't even walk around the track. And what do I do instead? Eat cookies and feel sorry for myself. Well, at least eat cookies and dream of running.

*Sometimes I feel like the strangest person on the planet. But, at the same time, I am still the one who has to have things a certain way. And by certain way, I mean, my way.

I'm Broken

So to make a long story longer I should write about what has been going on lately. Cass, Lace and the kids came to town and the first day or so we just hung out and they tried to unwind from their horrible car ride here. We went walking and ran a few errands. About the third morning they were here, Lacey was busy with Briggy or something and I put Abby in a time out by carrying her up the stairs and gently laying her down. As soon as I stood back up I knew something was wrong. My back went stiff and hurt really bad. I tried to shake it off for the most part but it just seemed to be getting worse. By the next morning I went to the bathroom and could barely make it up by myself. I called for Lacey and she had to help me out and on to the floor. And, so I laid for about 20-30 min. I couldn't move, I couldn't even think about moving. At one point Abby accidently tripped over my legs and it was just about the worst pain (giving birth aside) that I have ever felt. I ridiculously sobbed like someone had stuck a knife in my back because that is exactly what it felt like. Well, I finally made it to the couch were I stayed ALL day. Cass and Lace and Mom brought me my clothes, tooth brush and what not. That night I downed some meds from when I had Jensen and forced myself up the stairs to bed. I had an uncomfortable sleep and woke up the next morning feeling like I wanted to die. I couldn't even get up to go to the bathroom. Lacey got me dressed and we called Randy to take off work and take me to the hospital. He had to carry me out to the car...whimper whimper. When we got there the wheel chair was nice. They checked me over and sent me home with pain meds, anti inflammatory pills and muscle relaxers. Yikes! The next few days were far from fun. Heating pad, ice and meds. Rinse and repeat. After a few days I was starting to feel better, but then kinda relapsed and couldn't stand strait up when I walked. Blah blah blah the next few days. So yesterday I went to see a sports medicine Doc for a follow up. She gave me an exam and about 5 xrays. Turns out, I'm still broken. She said some of my bone fluid is leaking into my nerves. She gave me a bunch of diagrams and a model to explain this but I have forgotten the fancy lingo. I was also beyond crooked. My hips were out of alignment causing my right leg to be longer and she adjusted me like I have never seen or felt before. So, now I am on new muscle relaxers and a steroid therapy for 12 days. Plus I have a list of stretches I have to do everyday. The WORST part about this whole thing for me is that I am not able to run. (Which if you didn't already know I have been training for a 5k and half marathon in June. ) Oui Vey. You don't know how bad it is killing me to not be able to run. The added bonus is that on Tuesday I thought I was better enough to run and about at mile 3 my feet hurt so bad I wanted to cut them off with a saw. The doc said it was because my back was so out of whack. So now I can barely walk because of my feet too. Once I have my body back, I will NEVER complain again I promise. I really do feel thankful for my health. I know I have it way easier than a lot of others, but gosh it's hard.

My crazy kids...sorry about the mom voice...

Catch up...blogger is not letting me change my photos around...arrrr....

I feel like I have so much to catch up on it is over whelming. I have started a online Journal at ldsjournals.com and I have been spending all my time on that. Plus, I finished my blog book for 2009 had it printed and got it already and I am still working on Jensen's one year baby book. So for now...until I can sit at the computer for longer than 10 min with my bad back, I will show some more pics...

My step Mom Cindy made me a ton of crocheted flowers. I am now fashioning them into head bands and broches. Jents looked so cute wearing it to church on Sunday...thanks again Cindy!

Look who is 8 months! Look Mom no hands!

I love my little Jentsy...

Some pics...stories to follow....

The fam

The Kids

Briggy and Jents

This was fun...we couldn't stop laughing

Valentines Day

Me, Abby and Jay

Sisters

I'm in Pain!!!!

Well my sisters are in town...After a couple of days of fun I was putting Abby in a "time out" and totally threw my back out. It has never been this bad before. Randy had to carry me to the car and put me in a wheel chair to take me to the ER. I am on pain meds, an anti inflammatory and muscle relaxers. I am now at the point where I can walk by myself but lets just say Lace,Cass and my Mom have seen a whole other side to me. They had to get me dressed, hold me up, rub ben gay on my back and watch me brush my teeth by spitting in a cup. It has been SO sad. I feel so thankful for my body.