Happy Easter

I Am A Crappy Person

Sometimes I am a Crappy person. I really don't mean to be, sometimes it just happens. I can't really describe why it happens. Maybe I am tired or lazy or selfish or just plain unChrist like...yikes that feels awful to say. If I started to write a list of all the crappy things I have done or am I would  probably feel so awful I would want to crawl into a deep dark hole. So I will just start with one incident.
A few weeks ago I was folding laundry and went went to put Randy's clothes on his dresser. I totally tripped over Randy's laptop cord (in true Codee fashion) and down came his lap top tumbling to the ground. I luckily caught it before it slammed to the ground. The battery popped out of the back and I just put it back in hoping it wasn't that big of a deal. The next day when Randy went to use his laptop it just wasn't working. I instantly felt horrible. He had told me that he had accidently dropped his laptop before so I just let him believe that that's what had happened. Ugh, it gets worse.
 So Randy spends all day researching how to fix it with no luck. I am being very supportive at this point, telling him if we need to take it in or buy a new lap top then that was OK. Wife of the year type stuff.  The guilt at this point was eating away at my soul. I didn't want him to be mad at me. I was taking Jamison's approach to the situation  Well, if he doesn't know it is me he can't get mad, right? And by this time he had been working on it for hours with no result. It was almost too late to tell him.
 Then, he took his entire computer apart. I mean piece by piece and screw by screw. Magically, when he put it all back together it worked.  I was so relieved and he was relieved thinking that he had broken it. Now the story really could have ended there. He would have never known. But then all those guilty crappy feelings came to me and I could barely look him in the eye all day. I had to tell him.
As I approached him with this betrayal of information, I did so with caution. I think I even ended up blurting it out all at once like I was regaining my freedom. He looked at me puzzled, then confused, then mad, then started laughing. I knew that he was mad that I didn't tell him, not that the computer was broken. But, his laughter was a unexpected. You see, Randy didn't think I had it in me to behave that way. It's the same kind of humor it gives him when I have said a swear word in front of him. I think it has happened twice in our whole marriage.
The point is, that there was no reason to be a crappy person or feel crappy all day. If I would have just told Randy what happened he probably could have fixed it much faster and that would have been that.
This experience gave me a little insight to what Christ must feel. We are down on this earth messing stuff up all the time. All we have to do is approach him with our "betrayal of information" and we can be forgiven. I guess I have been thinking a lot about the Atonement with Easter just around the corner. I am grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who made it possible through his son Jesus Christ to feel that freedom from sin. I am grateful for the gift of repentance and for the sacred ordinance of the sacrament we get to partake in each Sunday. And, I am grateful for a husband that can laugh at my short comings instead of getting angry.

Blessings

 Two week in a row we had family baby blessing. My cuz Ashley blessed their baby Mia Maloy and our bro and sis in law Kev and Jessie blessed their baby boy Kai Lendon. We had a little get together after each and managed to just get a few snapshots. I have been so bad at taking pics lately.

 Classic Gram

Thoughts.

Man, I have had so many random thoughts in my head lately. Do I say that a lot? Every one of them I have thought, I better write that down...then I don't.And, now I am mad that I didn't because I can't for the life of me remember. My poor brain. I worry sometimes that I have early Alzheimer's. Not just because it completely runs in my family, but because I really believe something is taking/eating/destroying part of my brain. Its probably all the donuts...slowly destroying my brain cells. It is the truth y'all.

-First of all, there are a few things I want to invent. The first thing is something that lets people know when you are in a hurry. I am not sure what this would require. Maybe its a flashing light over my head, maybe it a watch that beeps. I am not sure I haven't figured that out yet. But, what I do know is that it would be super useful in my life. Like for instance, when I am standing in line at a red box and all I have to do is return a movie and I  have 3 kids in the car waiting for me and the guy at the machine is taking his sweet time looking at every single movie ever made in the history of time and their plot descriptions....(long inhaled breath) I want SOMETHING to happen to let him know, "Um, excuse me can I just return this really quick." And that is where you say, "Why don't you just say that?" To which I respond, "Shouldn't my huffing and puffing and constantly looking at my watch and then to the kids in the car give you even the slightest indication?" Plus I did say, "Hey I have a movie right here in my hand that I can return if you are looking for it?" Just one example of many. Please believe me when I say I have many.
The second invention is a built in calorie counter that is literally part of my body. I want it to tell me how many calories I burn and then every time I eat something it subtracts it from my total. When I exercise it adds, you get the picture. But I want it to even subtract if I take a lick from a lollipop. I know they have body bugs and so forth but you have to add in everything you eat and keep track. Wouldn't it just be the most awesome thing EVER if you didn't have to do anything it just did it all by itself. I think technology is headed that way. I just want you to say that I thought of it first!

-Spring is starting to show its face. Which is amazing because I was about 2 days away from slitting my wrists. Thank you Spring, perfect timing. With spring comes a long list of exciting things. All which involve counting down until summer. I am slightly terrified about the kids being home from school. I love my schedules and is just not organized enough for me. I will spend EVERY single day at the pool to keep my sanity.

-A while back we had a media fast going on in our stake. Which means our family participated in no: TV, movies, music, computer, phone games, social media etc. for one week. It scared me at first but it ended up being kinda awesome. I loved having the TV off and I got so much stuff done. I even went to bed at like 9-9:30 every night. It was inconvenient at times when I needed to google a recipe or find out info. But I got so much scripture reading done and I really did feel more in tune to the spirit. I can't say that it will stay that way, but I have made small changes in my life to better help me. Like for instance I have all church CDs in my car so when I am driving I feel more uplifted. It really does make a difference for me. I found that it was a lot easier on the kids then I thought. All they want is to spend time with me and be a family...huge eye opener.

-I feel right now I am going through a leaning/growing process. I am getting to know my true self and finding that there are things that I really feel confident and passionate about. That makes me really excited. But, I am also finding things about myself that I can't stand and I am trying really hard to change. I have been doing a lot of personal reflecting and studying my true self. Something, that I don't think I have ever done before. One thing I am really trying to work on is my irritation with people and things that I cannot control. I have to be OK with people not being like me, instead of judging them for it. It is teaching me patience and humility for sure. Maybe even feeling a little envious for others who can be so laid back and care free. I don't function that way, I just don't. But, I am really really trying.

-I just had the thought that Cortland is as old now as Jenny was when we moved into our house. Mild stroke on my part for time going by way too fast.

-Jensen told me today that I was beautiful and that Jesus painted a butterfly on my back because he loves me....Oh Jenny, how I wish. I will be explaining that thing the rest of my life.

-hfskdhfoshfk.fgblsbfshfshf   hdlfsa,fh   jidfowerwehi hriosdhflisdf  hsdlfhlas8erihpawehrelis rsndlfhoeiht.weljhlhfsahf lhflshfilshflseh e  erji eljrls r ejeip ruwjereou .
(That's what I feel like I am thinking/saying about 90% of the time.)

Cousins

I love these two and I am not even going to think about them moving in less then 3 months. :(

Sunshine

My sweet kids. Jay took this last pic of me. I had to post it because I think I look like such a Mom in this photo. Could be the dress, could be the awkward lean back because I think Cort was clinging on to my feet anyway it makes me laugh.

Just Keep Swimming

Jenny and Jay started swimming lessons this week. Jay is getting better. This is his 4th year in lessons and this year he may just learn how to swim! He can go down the big slide and diving board now which is probably his greatest accomplishment so far in his life. If you knew how afraid this kid is to do stuff you would be so proud of him. Jensen is like a little fish. The first day she was like, "OK, you can leave now Mom." Then she floated on her back and put her face in the water. Jays first week when he was 3 was pure torture. He screamed for the first 3 days and and maybe by the end of all the lessons he blew bubbles in the water...major difference. It is really important to me that my kids are strong swimmers so they will probably all be in lessons until they are 18!

January

Here are two pics from January that were on my phone. It doesn't take the best photos. But, I wanted to remember this crazy icicle which got even longer then that, and Jensen's first trip to the dentist.

Firestation

We went to visit Rnady at the station and he happen to be in the middle of cleaning the truck. The kids helped him out a little. I even took my turn. More fun then you might think. :)