Rest in Peace Kaly

Our Sweet Kaly
January 18, 1999 - January 31, 2009



My instincts from my earlier post seemed to be accurate.

My husband woke me up around midnight to tell me Kaly wasn't acting right. She was pacing around the house, vomited and seemed disoriented.

We decided to take her to the emergency vet and she had bloat. Bloat is something large breed dogs get and it's when the stomach twists and begins to distend. It usually happens after a dog eats and then runs around.

Neither of us can figure out how she got it. The only "cure" is to do surgery to try to untwist the stomach. It's a risky surgery when the dog is healthy otherwise. With Kaly's advanced age and her kidney failure, we didn't want to put her through that.

We're both heartbroken. I've played this moment in my head over and over. I do feel a sense of relief because she's not suffering anymore but it's hard to accept because she was doing better. I never imagined it would happen like this.

She was the best dog anyone could ask for. She had such a sweet personality and never asked anything of you.

We'll miss you sweet girl.

You're Freakin' Me Out!

My husband and I often joke that we both have a perpetual black cloud over our heads.

I can't say that I've always been unlucky but I'm definitely NOT one of those people who has everything go right for them.

You don't believe me?

Here's a summary of how 2004 went:

January - the pipe to our hot water heater broke. Not only were we without hot water for 3 days but it made a nice little mess in our utility room.

February - the water meter in front of our house froze. We woke up one morning without any water. Luckily, the water company fixed it the same day.

March - my car died. The engine block had a leak in one of the thinga ma jiggies and I had to buy a new car.

April - my husband came home from work and found termites in our powder room. Not just one or two but a whole swarm of them!

May - My husband used to play softball regularly and would come home late some nights. This one particular night, he decided not to wake me up so he slept on the couch. He woke up around 6:00 am and heard water but thought I was in the shower. When the water didn't shut off after 30 minutes, he got up to investigate. He found a waterfall in our basement, literally. We had polybutylene pipes in the entire house and one of them broke in the ceiling. For those that don't know what those pipes are, they are the biggest piece of crap ever manufactured. They are made of a hard plastic and were installed in a lot of homes in the early 80's. Over time, the inside of the pipe starts to wear down and eventually, the pipe cracks.

Hmmmm? That sounds like a description that I used for my reproductivity.

But, I digress. So, we had a waterfall in our basement and lost all of the carpet downstairs.

June - one of our really good friends had a heart attack. He ended up being OK.

And, you're starting to get the picture.

So, when things start to go right, I get nervous.

Like it's a mistake or I've been transported to another universe where the other "me" lives and enjoys silver linings.

I had a good week at work. A really good week.

And things seem to be on track for the next cycle.

I had my annual pelvic exam this morning and my regular OB/GYN was very positive and confident.

All of this good karma is freakin' me out!

IVF #2 Protocol

My official protocol arrived today for IVF #2.

It it entitled "LUPRON STOP PROTOCOL" because I have retarded hormones that couldn't handle both the Lupron and stims at the same time.

Apparently, I liked the Lupron too much and became "overly suppressed".

Somehow I imagine my ovaries just hanging out, smoking a doobie saying "Duuuudde, what's the rush?"

Anyway, with the exception of the Lupron stoppage, all appears to be the same:

1/27 - start birth control pills
2/14 - start Lupron (10 units each morning). Begin children's aspirin each day
2/19 - Expected CD1 (a.k.a. Aunt Flo, being on the rag, having my friend in town)
2/21 - Lupron Evaluation. If all goes well, I'll start stims that night
(Gonal-F 300 IU and Menopur 150 IU)
3/04 - Estimated egg retrieval
3/7-9 - Estimated transfer

So, there it is. My hopes of having a child all wrapped up in 8 lines of text.

I have to admit that while I'm very excited to get started again, I'm also a little apprehensive.

IVF #1 went well.

Yeah, OK.

So, I didn't get pregnant. Geez, you're so picky!

But other than that... I was a poster child for making babies!

They retrieved 16 eggs, 11 fertilized and we ended up with 5 blastocysts. 5 AA blastocysts, I might add.

Now, I'm afraid I set the bar too high for myself and I won't be able to reproduce (no pun intended) the same results.

What if I suck this time?

What if one year really does make a difference in reproduction?

Okay, I have something to admit. I'm old.

Alot of you are in your 20's or early 30's. I'm pushing 39.

THIR-TEE-NIIIIIINE!

For those of you that are mathematically challenged, that's almost forty.

While my RE has never questioned my age... come to think of it, she's never even mentioned it, it has to be a factor.

And, it scares the holy be-jebus outta me.

Alright, it's Grandma's bedtime....

Racers.... Start Your Engines!

Today is CD1 so I'll be starting the bcp this week. Officially the start of the next IVF cycle!

I wasn't sure how I'd feel about this upcoming cycle because I was so, so (SO) fed up with it all after the frozen cycle failed in October.

I'm actually excited and optimistic. Maybe it's all of the good news that my fellow bloggers have experienced lately, I don't know?

In the last 4 months, 3 of the women I follow have gotten pregnant.

I sure do hope it's a trend.

I think I've also decided to keep this cycle as quiet as possible. For now, all of my family members have accepted our "break" and no one has really asked about timing or when we'll start again. I think I'd like to keep it that way.

Of course, if you've followed my blog, you also know that I crack like ice under a fat man so I don't know how long I'll be able to keep my mouth zipped.

In other news, we got a relatively good report on Kaly this past Friday. Her creatinine level dropped from 6.4 to 5.0. I don't think the vet could believe his eyes. I thought she was doing a little better by her behavior and I would've been happy knowing that we were maintaining her levels. It's a pretty significant jump and we're just thrilled.

Don't get me wrong, we know it could be temporary and she is by no means "fixed" but for now, it's a good sign.

My DH and I were talking about what we'd do if/when both dogs are gone. We agree that we want (need) to have a dog in the house. I decided to send an email to our breeder to touch base.

Yeah, that wasn't awkward or anything.

"Hi Mrs. Breeder. Our dogs aren't dead yet but we're sure they are going to die this year so we were just wondering... when will you have more puppies?"

I wasn't sure how to word our intentions and really, all joking aside, it is sort of what I meant.

I just wanted to get an idea on timing because I know we'll have to reserve a puppy from the litter ahead of time.

Anyway, she said she was getting ready to do a breeding and she expects to have a litter ready for homes in May. That was a little sooner than I was thinking but we'll see.

We definitely don't want to add a puppy to the mix if both Kobe and Kaly are still here in May. And, if one of them is gone, do we want to bring a new member in that soon? And, if I get pregnant, do we want to add a puppy to the mix at all?

Hopefully you aren't thinking that I'm being cold or heartless because my dogs aren't even gone yet.

Maybe this picture will explain.


Is that not the cutest picture you have EVER seen?! It's Kaly when we brought her home.

God, I love puppies!

Hanging In There

My Kaly is still hanging in there.

We've been giving her 2 liters of IV fluids every day and she's holding her own - for now. We are cherishing every day that we have with her; knowing that tomorrow could be the last.

Here in DC, it's the coldest it's been in over 20 years. The temperature on my computer says it is 3 degrees. THREE DEGREES?! Is that even a real temperature?

I received a call from my new endocrinologist yesterday and we're tweaking my thyroid medicine again. My TSH is down to 3.4 and she said if I weren't trying to get pregnant, that would be fine. But, when I do get pregnant, the dosage typically needs to be increased by 1/3 so we're just anticipating that result. Isn't that refreshing?

I'm still planning to begin IVF #2 at the end of this month but the timing needs to work out just right. With all of Kaly's vet bills (to date, I think we're over $5,000), we've depleted our savings so I need our tax return to buy the meds. I would need to have it back by Valentine's Day so I could have the stim drugs in time.

We'll see how it all turns out.

More Of The Same

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile but I haven't had much to say.

My Kaly is sick again. I noticed she was acting a little lethargic after Christmas but thought it was because we switched her food. I finally took her back to the vet last Friday and her kidney levels had increased quite significantly again. We opted to do the fluid therapy in the hospital again (they basically hook her up to an IV and give her bags and bags of fluids for 8 hours). It worked last time and kept her stable for over 3 months.

We just checked her levels again last night and unfortunately, it didn't work this time.

She's home with us and for the most part, she seems content. She's eating and we're giving her subcutaneous fluids at home. We'll just have to wait and see if we can maintain her at the increased levels and keep her happy with some quality of life.

I hate to be pessimistic but I think we probably have a few weeks with her before we'll have to make a decision.

I don't think you're ever ready to say goodbye to a beloved pet, no matter what you think. I've accepted that we can't fix this but at the same time, I can't imagine her not being here with us.

My DH and I moved in together in May, 1998. We got Kisa (our cat) that June. Then, Kobe in July. Kaly was a trick. When we got Kobe, we had plans to show him. We took him back to the breeder to get evaluated and she innocently said "We just had a new litter of puppies. Why don't you come see?". Kaly walked over to me, licked my hand and then laid her head in my palm.

We think the breeder knew exactly what she was doing!

So, Kaly came home with us January, 1999. And we've been a family ever since.

I think what's hard is that you expect them to always be there. It's not fair that they don't live as long as we do. I know it's a part of life and she has had a great life with us.

It just sucks.

Tags

Jill at Desperately Seeking Spawn has tagged me with "Picture This".

Here are the rules:
1) Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer
2) Select the 4th picture in the folder
3) Explain the picture
4) Tag 4 people to do the same. NO CHEATING! (cropping, editing, etc!)



This is a picture from a Washington Capitals game that I went to with my DH and BIL and SIL. Hockey is quickly becoming one of my favorite sports and we're planning to go see another game for my hubby's 40th birthday in February.

Crap. Did I say 40th?! Yikes!!

I'm not sure who has done this so forgive me if you've been tagged already.

1. Wendy @ Our Story
2. Erin @ Pieces of Me
3. Tiffany @ Our Slow Journey to Parenthood
4. Andrea @ Pre-heated Oven

I was also tagged by Brenda @ No Regrets for The Silver Lining Award.



Murgdan wanted to come up with a way to thank those people who continually brighten her day; who remind her that although infertility is an ugly monster, she can be conquered (momentarily) with a laugh.

I'd like to tag the same 4 people because you truly do brighten my day with each post.

Mid-Life Crisis

I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.

You know. One of those moments when you ask yourself, "What have I done with my life?"

I joined Facebook a few months ago. Most of you are pretty internet-savvy so I think you probably know what it is. If you don't, it's a site where you can socialize with current and past friends.

I was hesitant to join because well, let's face it. If I wanted to keep in touch with random people from my past, I would have.

But, a close friend that I lost contact with was looking for me and I decided to join so we could exchange information and get back in touch.

I won't say that it's been all that bad except in the process of "catching up" with people, you get to learn all about their accomplishments and what they've been doing.

Friend #1 - I've known her since 3rd grade. She is a published author and worked for both US News & World Report and The Washington Post as a reporter. She has 2 girls.

Friend #2 - I've known her since 6th grade. She is an OB/GYN and gets to bring new lives into the world every day. She has 2 sons.

... and the kicker...

Friend #3 - I've known him since middle school. He created a clothing line for infants with his wife which was sold in department stores such as Macy's. They became millionaires, he founded 2 philanthropic organizations, hobnobs with celebrities like Paris Hilton and will have a TV show coming out that is based on his volunteering efforts.

Oh yeah. I almost forgot. He also has FIVE kids.

He wants to know what I've been up to. How in the hell am I supposed to compete with THAT?

Well, let's see. I have an average-paying job as a manager with a major insurance carrier, I live 30 minutes from where I grew up in an average-looking townhouse. I don't have kids and try to hold on to any thread of hope that I can muster. I hobnob with my husband and friends that I met on the internet and I watch TV shows about him.

How's that?

Now I remember why I didn't want to go to my 20-year high school reunion this past summer.