10 Weeks

I don't really have anything new to report. I guess no news is good news, right?

Oh! I do have some exciting news! As of today, I'm officially off all hormone support. G'bye Prometrium!

It's been 2 weeks since my last ultrasound and I'm really wondering what's going on. Are they still OK? Are they growing normally?

Thanks to everyone who played my "What's In My Uterus?" game. It seems you all think it's one of each. That would be awesome! DH is still holding on to his belief that there's atleast one boy in there. I still think it's 2 girls.

Just for kicks, here's my 10 week belly pic.

9 Weeks

I'm 9 weeks pregnant today. This is officially the "most" pregnant I've ever been.

The news is officially out at work. I started wearing maternity tops on Monday and it didn't take very long after that. I'm learning that most people suspected something last week and didn't have the nerve to ask.

I'm not quite sure how to take that?

Did they think I was chowing down on super-sized value meals at McDonald's every day?

"Woo We! Suzanne has really started to let herself go."

And, apparently, while I thought I was being so good at trying to cover my growing gut, I wasn't really. I guess people are more observant than I give them credit for.

In a way, I'm relieved that I don't have to worry about it anymore. While I would have preferred to keep things under wraps for another 3-4 weeks, it's nice to "let things hang out" now. I can be as fat and bloated as I want.

When people started finding out, I knew I'd get the question that everyone asks. C'mon, you know the one.

"Do twins run in your family?"

I really thought about how I wanted to answer that. I could just shy away from the question and say "No".

Or, I could tell people that we needed help and used fertility treatments.

I decided to go with the latter. Mostly because I'm not ashamed of what we've been through. I want people to know that it wasn't easy. I want people to know that fertility treatments doesn't mean 8 babies at one time.

But, there is a part of me that feels it's private. Extremely private. We've experienced a lot of struggles. Not only the disappointment of the 2 failed cycles, but over the last 8 years since we first started trying.

Part of me feels like it's something that I only want to share with my family and you guys.

There have been a few expected responses and attempts to relate. I've heard the "I have a friend who tried for years, adopted and then got pregnant" story twice. But, one positive thing has come out of it.

A co-worker came over to my desk yesterday to say "Congratulations" and then asked if she could ask me some questions about in vitro. Her daughter has blocked tubes and was told her only option was in vitro. Out of coincidence, she is using the same fertility clinic and my doctor!

I explained how it all worked and really felt like I gave them some hope. It was nice.

I'll admit that I definitely feel more comfortable talking about trying to get pregnant than I do about being pregnant. I've had 5 weeks to get used to the idea but it still hasn't sunk in. I feel like I'm talking about someone else.

Part of me almost wishes that I had some morning sickness just so I could make sure it's real. With the exception of feeling extremely bloated, I feel pretty normal. Everyone keeps telling me it'll happen when I start to feel movement.

At the very least, that will be reassuring. It's been a week since my last u/s and I won't have another until May 5th. It's hard not to worry about what's going on in there.

Let's Give 'Em Somethin' To Talk About

I've been struggling with the dilemma of when to let the cat out of the bag at work.

I work at the regional office for a major insurance carrier and we have about 100 people in our office. The number of people definitely does not hinder the gossip bus. Once something gets out, it spreads like wildfire.

I really want to wait until I'm at least 12 weeks along but I think my belly is starting to betray me.



There are a handful of people who know already (mostly close friends and direct co-workers who shared in our IVF journey) but the majority of the office is completely clueless (or so I thought).

I decided to tell the remaining 2 people on my team on Friday. I was starting to notice some glances and stares.

One girl said she started noticing something last week.

So much for thinking I was doing a good job of hiding it.

I've been wearing maternity pants for about 2 weeks now but I've been trying to wear normal tops and it's getting harder and harder to cover the growing bulge.

I looked up some other belly pics of twins and some women are 20 weeks and hardly showing. I'm wondering if I'm going to have GIANT babies? (That's a story for another time but I'll just say there aren't any babies under 9 lbs on either side!)

I'm not even sure I can pull it off this week. I'm tempted to say "Screw it" and just start wearing what's comfortable. If that includes maternity tops, so be it.

At this point, if something were to happen, I'd be out of the office long enough for people to notice and they'd find out anyway. I guess.

This reminds me of jumping in a pool.

You get to the water's edge and it looks so refreshing.

Do you stick a toe in to test the water and do you jump right in?

Ewwwwww

With all of the burrito excitement the other day, I totally forgot to mention that I am done, DONE, with the PIO shots.

And let me tell you, it could not have come soon enough. My poor bum looked like the scene from Pure Luck when Martin Short gets stung by the bee.

Oh, am I the only one that saw that movie?

I'm still on hormone support until April 29th and then I'm officially done!

So, let's talk Prometrium.

Better than the shots, but still not so good.

It's pills that are intended for oral consumption but no!

Some brilliant doctor thought, "Why not make this even more uncomfortable"?

I get slimed all day long.

To go along with that, I have developed something called pregnancy rhinitis. My nose is congested and running ALL of the time.

So, essentially? I'm having fun at both ends of my body!

Graduation!

I have officially graduated from my fertility clinic!

The appointment and ultrasound this morning went great.
Both babies measured a little ahead at 8w3days and they had identical heartbeats at 164.

Although we still couldn't see a whole lot on the ultrasound, they both looked exactly like gummy bears. Big heads with little arm and leg buds. The doctor said they are close to the size of gummy bears so that gives a good size reference.

I don't think I've mentioned the "pressure" to have at least one boy? My DH is one of 3 boys and his father re-married and had 3 more boys. So, of course, they all thought they'd be set with all boys themselves!

Both of my BIL have 2 girls each and my sister had a girl so there aren't any boys on either side.

I was teasing my DH today with that old wives' tale about heart rate correlating to gender. Over 140=girl, Under 140=boy.

For some reason, I do think it's 2 girls. Obviously, we'll happily take whatever we get but I know he's secretly hoping for at least one "Jr".

How Fast Can You Eat A Burrito?

Holy crap. I think I just set a new world record.

I just wolfed down a Diablo Shrimp Burrito from Baja Fresh in 3 minutes!

I've read they expect you to gain 40-50 pounds when you're pregnant with twins.

Sucka say wha?

So, I'm taking that advice seriously by gorging myself with 900 calorie goodness from Baja.

But, oh ma gawd was it good!

Gotta go....carb-induced coma approaching.

Gifts Galore!

We celebrated my birthday with friends and family yesterday - I think we had about 21 people total. I decided to host because I love to entertain and cook for people. I think it turned out well.

Everyone was so generous with their gifts. Here's a sampling:

* $75 gift card to Target
* $50 gift card to Motherhood Maternity
* $75 gift certificate to the place I get my haircut
* A glass trifle bowl from Pampered Chef
* 2 necklaces
* 3 glass picture frames

In addition, some people thought it was also my baby shower because I got the following:

* $200 gift card to Babies R Us
* A super soft body pillow
* Burt's Bees Belly Butter
* 2 stuffed lambs that sing a lullaby when you pull the string
* A picture frame with a place for the ultrasound picture
* 2 boxes of wipes

While I'm very thankful for all of the early baby stuff, I'm feeling a little jinxed. It's SO early and I don't want people to get carried away quite yet.

I think a lot of people just take pregnancy for granted. They think once you're pregnant, it's a done deal.

In my mind, getting pregnant was only the first step. I still have 4-6 weeks before I feel like I'm "in the clear" and even then, I'm very aware that something could happen at any time.

I know people are just excited for us and I'm very happy for that. I really am. But, I will admit that it puts a certain amount of pressure on me. People are expecting babies at the end of this. I know the chances of having 2 healthy babies is in my favor but on paper, so was getting pregnant right away.

I really am trying to relax and take things one at a time. I swear. I just keep reminding myself, "If there haven't been any significant changes in the way you feel and you're not bleeding, you have to assume everything is OK".

My 8-week ultrasound is this Wednesday and I'm anxious to see how much they've grown. I think that will also be my last official appointment with my RE and I might cry.

I feel bad that she can't see this through until the end. I said "Thank you" to her at my last appointment and gave her a huge hug but that just doesn't seem like enough. How do you appropriately thank someone for making a dream come true? For giving you children? What an awesome job she has.

Thoughts on my birthday

Today is my 39th birthday.

Did I ever think I'd be pregnant with twins today? Never in my wildest dreams.

You know, it's funny. The ectopic pregnancy happened October, 2007 and I vowed that I would be pregnant again by my birthday (April, 2008). I'm a pretty scheduled person and I like to have timelines. When it didn't happen, I had to learn to be flexible (which we all know is key when dealing with IF and especially with IVF).

As the months went by, I forgot about my birthday timeline and began to wonder if time had passed me by. If we just waited too long.

Now, I'm 39. And pregnant with twins. Part of me wonders, "What am I doing here"? I'm almost 40 and I'm getting ready to have my first child/children? Are we crazy?

I don't feel my age and Lord knows, my DH doesn't act his (he turned 40 in February). The thought of our ages when our kids graduate from high school scares the crap out of me. Were we selfish to wait so long? Are we placing a burden on our children when we can't function in 30 years?

I pray every day for God to give us the strength and courage to pull this off. He blessed us with 2 so he must believe in us, right?

If it were possible, would I turn back the clock and start this entire process 10 years earlier? Absolutely! But, we just weren't ready for kids yet. Hell, we weren't even married yet. We're different people now and we're as financially and emotionally ready as we're ever gonna be.

I just hope our bodies cooperate.

Even My Tired is Tired

Woo we. I'm exactly 7 weeks today and while I'm ecstatic that we've made it here, I'm still cautiously optimistic.

How have I been feeling, you ask?

Exhausted...... check
Sore boobs..... check
Exhausted...... check
Face broken out.... check
Not sleeping well... check
Moody...... check
Ravenous.... check

All symptoms that I am very, very thankful for.

I still haven't had any real morning sickness although I am being very diligent about eating every 4 hours.

My body definitely lets me know when it's time to eat. I will literally push people out of the way to get to the kitchen.

And, then? I can't make the food fast enough.

"C'mon, stupid microwave... how long can 1 minute take"?!

I'm already half-way through my first trimester and I'm anxious and excited to get to the 2nd.

I'm anxious to know that we're closer to making it.
I'm excited to know the genders of the babies.
I'm anxious to know that all of the testing will be OK.

And, just because I don't have anything else to do, here's a 7-week belly pic.
What do you think? Am I bloated or do I have a bump?

I Found Paradise!

I had a good day today. I went to visit my family and spent the day with my 10-month old niece.

My sister still had a lot of her maternity clothes so I tried a few on to see if they would work.

Holy cow!

Elastic-waist pants are THE greatest!

I can't tell if I'm starting to show or if it's just bloat at this point. Since I'm only 6 1/2 weeks, I'm guessing it's probably just bloat but it's making my regular pants uncomfortable.

I can still wear most of them but once I eat lunch, they get tight. Really tight.

To the point of the button leaving an indentation in my skin.

Nothin' says lovin' like "Made in China".

All of her early pregnancy pants fit me.

Let me just say that it was easier than shopping for regular pants!

No worries about the inseam being too short. No worries about my ass being too big.

Now, let's hope finding a bathing suit is just as easy!

Reactions

First, thank you to everyone for all of your well wishes and congratulations!

The news of Wednesday is still sinking in. Just when I think I'm used to the idea, it suddenly pops into my head again and I think, "Oh, shit. There's TWO in there"!

I thought I would share the reactions of my family and friends when we told them the news.

MIL
She cried and laughed at the same time

My mom
"Wooooooooo hoooooooooo"

SIL
OH MY GOD!

BIL #1
"What did you guys do"? and then he laughed hysterically because he has 2 kids of his own (3 years apart)

My sister
"Is this an April's Fool joke"?

"Mommy with Twins" at work
"Oh, twins"? And then she gave me a look as if to say "Good luck, you won't be able to handle it". I think she's just jealous because her twins will be old news! :)

Co-Worker #1
Her jaw literally dropped for about 30 seconds

My boss
"HOLY CRAP"! Followed by, "You're coming back to work, right"?
He was my personal friend before he became my boss and his wife is one of my best friends so it's OK to share.

Friend who got pregnant through the same fertility clinic
"I smile everytime I think about you now"

Friend who battled endometriosis for 8 years before a surprise pregnancy 1 1/2 years ago:
"I can't believe it! I'm so excited for you"!

Many reactions were exactly what I'd expect because our journey has been long. Very long.

I still catch myself thinking about when I'll get pregnant. I'm not kidding! That thinking has become engrained in me and I still can't grasp that it's finally happening. I don't know what I thought would happen when (if) I finally became pregnant. I think I expected all of the IF feelings to suddenly disappear, never to be seen or heard from again.

In a way, IF is like my security blanket. It's an old friend that I could always rely on. Granted, it was a pretty shitty friend but it was always there.

I wasn't even used to the idea of being pregnant before we found out it's twins. I keep thinking I'm writing about someone else's life.

I imagine this is how Dorothy felt when she finally reached Oz.

Ultrasound Results

Are you ready?


Are you sitting down?


IT'S TWINS!

We saw both heartbeats and the doctor said they both look great. It hasn't sunk in yet.



Holy shit! I'm pregnant with twins!