Birth Story and Thankful

Now that things have calmed down a bit, I've had some time to reflect on the events of the past 3 weeks.  I hinted at my birth story when I announced the twins' arrival but I still haven't given details.  So, here goes:

I noticed an increase in Braxton-Hicks contractions starting Thursday, 10/01.  I was generally uncomfortable with some pelvic pressure and lower back ache.  I knew Christopher was lying really low so I just figured it was him pressing on my bladder.  I decided to take the following day off from work but I woke up feeling better.

That Saturday, I spent the day with my family at my sister's house and still felt fine all day.  Sunday, the pelvic pressure and back ache returned but it was intermittent.  The one change I did notice was that I constantly felt like I had to pee but when I tried to go, it was barely worth the effort.  As the day went on, the back ache became a little more uncomfortable but not unbearable.  I still didn't think anything of the "symptoms" and figured I had reached that point of pregnancy where I was going to miserable.

Around 4:30 pm, I got up to go to the bathroom (again) and again, barely anything.  I leaned forward to make sure my bladder was empty and started peeing like crazy.  Like I drank a 6-pack and held it for 10 days.  After a minute, I thought, "What in the world?!"  so I looked in the water and it was bright red.

Thank God I knew about the placenta previa so I wasn't caught completely off-guard but it still scared the crap out of me.  It was a lot of blood.

I opened the bathroom door and yelled to DH, "I need you to grab a pad - I'm bleeding and I think my water just broke - we're going to the hospital NOW!"

We were out the door in 5 minutes and walking through the hospital doors within 10 minutes.  I was taken to a Triage room where I was hooked up to monitors to track the babies' heart rates.  I was most worried about Christopher.  Was there fluid left around him?  Was his placenta detaching?   The nurse announced they both looked good but I was still so scared.  She kept saying, "It's going to be OK.  They are 32 weeks and they'll be fine."

At that point, I wasn't having any contractions but still feeling the pelvic pressure.  They ordered an ultrasound to measure the fluid and to view the placenta previa.  Christopher's head was in the way of viewing the placenta so they had a really hard time telling whether I was just bleeding or if my water really broke.  Since I was diagnosed with a complete previa, my water shouldn't have broken so the doctor was really confused.  They finally had to do a transvaginal u/s and could see that the previa was partial and that my cervix had dilated enough for my water to break.  Once they figured that out, I was admitted to the hospital.

During the ultrasound, I noticed some cramping and the back ache came back but it wasn't bad.  On a scale of 1-10, I gave it a 2.  The doctor said it was normal when bleeding occurs and he thought it would subside.  I was wheeled to a permanent room and he told me that I was now on complete bed rest and that I wouldn't be leaving the hospital until I delivered.  He wanted to try to make it to 34 weeks and would only do a c-section if 1) I went into labor, 2) I developed an infection or 3) the babies became distressed.

About an hour after he left, the contractions started picking up.  The nurse came in and asked, "Are you feeling all of those contractions?".  I said, "yes" and she said, "You're really knocking them out - you're having them every 1-2 minutes".  At that point, I was rating them a 6-7 on a scale of 10.  They continued to monitor me for another 30 minutes or so and then the nurse said she was going to call the doctor back - it was obvious that it wasn't going away.  She came back a few minutes later and said we were doing the c-section in 30 minutes.

I was wheeled into the operating room and given the epidural.  Todd came in about 10 minutes later and they got started.  Within minutes, I heard Christopher crying and I looked at Todd and said, "That's the best sound ever".  A minute later, we heard Kendall.  Todd got up and went over to their cribs and I was trying to see them but all of these people were in the way and I had a sheet pulled up that was about 2 inches from my nose.

At that point, I thought everything was still going according to plan. I heard the doctor say, "Suction, please" and then about 5 minutes later, he said, "I need a mop, 2 units of blood and my hysterectomy kit."  I heard it but still didn't think anything was wrong.  Everyone in the room stayed very calm.  I could only see the anesthesiologist so I finally asked, "Am I having a hysterectomy?".  He said, "yes, you've had some complications and lost a lot of blood".  Then, I heard him say, "Her blood pressure is 80/30" and he named about 4 different medications that he needed plus another unit of blood.

About that time, I started shaking really bad and felt really cold.  I tried and tried to stop shaking but I couldn't.  And then I got really sleepy.  I remember the anesthesiologist asking how I was feeling and I said, "I feel really sleepy.  Can I go to sleep?" and then I was sort of in and out.  I remember another anesthesiologist coming into the room to help and he put another IV in my hand to start the blood transfusion.  I remember asking if the epidural was still working and that gave the anesthesiologist quite a laugh.  Clearly, it was.

It seemed like I layed on the operating table forever.  And, then it was done and I was moved to a bed and taken to recovery.  I stayed in recovery for 2 hours and they kept checking to see if the epidural was wearing off.  The nurse would take a pin and start at my neck and ask, "Can you feel that?" and then work her way down until I couldn't feel it.   I have to say that it is the weirdest feeling.  She kept asking if I could move my feet and I would try really hard but nothing would happen. 

At that point, I still didn't know the severity of what happened.  Everyone who saw me kept saying that I lost a lot of blood but I didn't really know what that meant.  I continued to get blood throughout the night and was closely monitored every 30 minutes.

The next morning, the doctor came in to check on me and gave me more details.  The placenta previa was a placenta accreta and had implanted so deeply in my uterine wall that it became intertwined with my blood vessels.  When he tried to remove it, he cut into my blood vessels and that's when I hemorrhaged. He apologized for having to do the hysterectomy and said, "I had to do it to save your life" and then he told me the average person has 5,000 cc of blood and I lost 2,500 in about 20 minutes. 

The hysterectomy part of it hasn't bothered me.  I mentioned before that we decided we were done trying to conceive after the last cycle, regardless of whether I got pregnant.  He left my ovaries and cervix so I shouldn't need any hormone support.  I just won't have any more periods.  Who could get mad at that?

I never thought in a million years that the delivery would go the way it did.  The words, "to save your life" have haunted me.  I'm so thankful to have healthy kids and to be here.  I've heard of people dying during childbirth but always thought, "How does that happen?".  Now I know. 

Thinking that things could have gone differently plays in my mind and I can't imagine not being here to see the babies smile. 

I'm just so thankful.

Gettin' Our Groove Thang

The twins have been home for 3 weeks now and Daddy & I are starting to find our groove.

Sort of.

We started taking sleeping shifts and it's making things a little more manageable.  It's hard for me because I'm still pumping every 3 hours so by the time we finish a feeding, I still have to pump and can only get sleep in 2 hour increments before it's time to start it all over again.

We have the Pack 'n Play set up in our dining room for now.  I'm still hesitant to make the big step to their cribs - maybe in a few weeks.  For right now, keeping them on the main floor is convenient for feedings and access to the kitchen. 

So, the person who gets to sleep goes upstairs to our bedroom and the other person gets "baby duty" and gets to sleep on the couch.  I started taking back to back sleeping shifts so I sleep from 10:00 pm to midnight and then again from 2:00 am to 4:15 am.   Then Daddy gets to sleep from 5:00 - 8:00 am and then again from 9:00 am - 11:00 am.  We always have the option to nap during the day but so far, I've felt good enough to stay awake so I can get laundry and a few other things done.

I feel that we are really lucky because the twins seem to be sleepers.  They'll stay awake for about 45 minutes after a feeding and then they sleep until their next feeding.  Right now, they are eating every 4 hours.  Up until this past weekend, we had to wake them to eat but they have both started waking up on their own and letting us know that it's eatin' time! 

They are both doing really well with their food intake.  The pediatrician said he'd love to see them at 3 ounces for their appointment next week.  We increased their volume and we're already there!  I'm averaging about 2 ounces per pumping session and my volume isn't keeping up with them at this point so their bottles are 1 ounce of breast milk and 2 ounces of formula.  I'd love for them to get more breast milk but some is better than none, I guess.  I've toyed with the idea of pumping every 2 hours but to be honest, it's hard.  I already feel like I'm constantly pumping and doing it every other hour seems like too much for right now. 

I haven't posted any new pictures in about a week so here we go:

Survey!

The twins are almost 3 weeks old and we've been struggling to figure out who they resemble.

A few have said they see me in Kendall.  No one can seem to figure Christopher out.

So, I'm putting up a survey to get your opinions.  I posted new pics of the kids in my blog header.  Christopher is on the left, Kendall on the right.

Pic of hubby and I are below.

What do you think?

Two Words

Sleep deprivation.


(actually, it hasn't been bad - we're getting sleep in 2 hour increments).

The Twins Are Home!

Oh my gosh, are we ready for this?!

How Much For A Ride On The Roller Coaster?

We're still waiting for the twins to get discharged. 

Saturday night, the pm nurse decided to do Kendall's car seat challenge and she passed so they proceeded with all of her discharge testing (hearing test, Hep B shot). So, as of Sunday morning, we weren't sure who was coming home.  Kendall?  Christopher?  Possibly both?

We arrived last night and the head nurse practioner said, "You have 2 options: you can take one home tonight or take both home tomorrow."  We couldn't believe our ears - they can BOTH come home?  Together?!

So, we came home last night and were frantically trying to prepare all of the last minute stuff.

"I have to gather their homecoming outfits and stock the Pack 'n Play with wipes and diapers and I should probably vacuum the house so it's not dusty and oh yeah, don't forget to charge the video camera...."

We got up this morning and were just about ready to leave when the phone rang.

It was the NICU nurse saying they aren't coming home today. They both lost weight over night so they decided to keep them another day.

So, maybe tomorrow.

I'm disappointed but at this point, I want to make sure they are ready.  And, if the doctor is hesitant, we'll have to be patient.   We have the rest of our lives to spend with them, what's one more day?  I still need to give myself a reality check - for their age, they are coming home early.

And, for that, we're very thankful.

Slumber Party

Christopher passed his car seat challenge with flying colors so last night, Todd & I got to "room in" with him.  It went OK - not horrible but not great.  We got to the NICU around 8:00 pm and spent some time with Kendall and fed Christopher and then got checked into our room around 10:30.

They have been fortifying my breast milk to add more calories and they lowered his powder to 22 calories so his feeding schedule changed from every 4 hours to every 3.  So, he ate at 9pm, 12am, 3am, 6am and 9am before we left this morning.  The nurse came in a few times to check his vitals and his temperature and he seemed cold -  his temp was hanging around 97.  Todd said he thought the room was chilly. So, we double swaddled him and added another layer of clothing to try to get him back up again.  I think that had a domino effect on his feedings because we had a hard time waking him up to eat.  He was so cozy in his double burrito wrap.  He did OK with his 12 and 3 am feedings but not so good with the last 2.  He didn't finish either bottle. 

I was feeling a little stressed this morning because they have conditioned us so well about the importance of getting those bottles down within a certain timeframe.  I just kept envisioning having to put him back on a feeding tube.  The nurse was very encouraging this morning and said we're doing a great job and told us not to get discouraged.  She said preemies go through spurts of eating and it's not unusual.  He's had a big 2 days between the circumcision and learning how to breastfeed and then yesterday, he had his hearing test and his Hepatitis B shot. 

So, we left him this morning and I'm thinking his homecoming will probably get delayed by a few days.  He didn't gain any weight yesterday so unless he really picks it up today, I'm thinking it will probably be Tuesday or Wednesday now.

On the brightside, Kendall has caught up.  She has had 3 really good days of eating and gained 3 ounces. She also passed her car seat challenge last night so there's a possibility they could come home together.

I'm still really struggling with how to feed them when they are home.  Last night, I breastfed Christopher for the 9, 12 and 3:00 feedings and he did pretty good.  He was slow and took about an hour each feeding. And then I had to turn around and pump for Kendall which added another 20 minutes to the total "feeding time". So, by the time I got done, I had about 45 minutes before I had to start it all over again.  I only got about an hour of sleep last night and I know I can't keep that up.  For the last 2 feedings, I requested bottles to try to give myself a break and Daddy fed him but I still couldn't sleep.  First-time Mama jitters, I guess.

I hate to throw in the towel on breastfeeding but I'm really tempted to pump only.  I guess my philosophy is that I'd rather they get the breast milk and it doesn't matter how they get it.  My supply is barely keeping up with them so I suspect I'll have to supplement with formula anyway.  

Mothers of twins - I need some guidance here.  What worked for you?

Mama, I'm Comin' Home

We got some good news today.  Christopher is close to coming home.  We think he'll get discharged on Sunday or Monday.  We have to do the car seat challenge tomorrow to make sure he can breathe in the car seat and then our hospital lets parents "room in" for a night before bringing a NICU baby home.  We'll do that tomorrow night.

Christopher has gained 3 oz so he's currently at 4 lbs 11 oz and he has really taken off with his feedings. That's the last factor for letting them go home.  He also had his circumcision this morning and he did fine.  It still broke my heart to put him through that but I definitely think it was the right decision for his health.

Little Kendall is also doing good but she still needs a little more time to get the bottle down.  She has quite an appetite but gets sleepy about 1/2 way through the bottle and sometimes can't finish.  As soon as she can show some consistency with her feedings, she'll get discharged as well.   She has gained the most weight and now weighs 4 lb 3oz. 

I'm so happy to have Christopher coming home but it is with mixed feelings.  I feel so guilty for leaving Kendall behind.  I started crying when the doctor told us about Christopher and part of it was tears of joy and the other part was tears of guilt.  I know she's not ready to come home and of course I want the best for her.  I also know that we'll continue to visit like we are now.  But, it's still killing me.  We're hoping she'll only stay for a few days to a week after him. 

Here's another pic:

One Week Old!

We've made it one week and the twins are doing great!

They came out of their incubators Friday night so they are both in "big kid" cribs now.  They are regulating their body temperatures well so one big obstacle down.

Next obstacle - getting rid of the feeding tubes and steady weight gain!

Kendall still has a better appetite - she's up to 2 oz every 3 hours.  She is 1 oz shy of her birth weight (3.15 lbs). She still has to alternate between bottle feeding and the feeding tube.  They give her about 45 minutes to finish the bottle on her own and if she doesn't, we put the rest in the feeding tube. This morning she took the entire bottle all by herself.

Christopher is still trying to catch up to his little sister.  He is up to just over 1 oz every 3 hours.  He still spits up occasionally and is still hit or miss with taking it from the bottle.  He's also 1 oz shy of his original birth weight (4.09 lbs).

I've been pumping at home every 3 hours to try to keep up with their intake and it's going well.  I'm able to get about 2 oz at every pump so I'm hoping to get caught up enough that I'll be able to freeze some for when they come home.  I only tried to put them to breast a few times in the NICU but it's hard to time their feedings with my pumpings and since they are still trying to figure out the whole suck/breathe thing, it's just easier to pump and have it ready for them.  Plus, the nurses are fortifying the breast milk so it's higher in calories.  As long as they are getting the milk, I don't care how they get it.

We've been going to visit them twice/day for about 2 hours per visit.  It never seems like enough and it's so hard to leave.  I could sit there all day and just stare at them.  Kendall has been more alert and awake the last 2 visits and we can already see her starting to interact with us.  She shifts her eyes toward our voices and you can see her trying to focus on our faces.  It might've been gas but I swear I've even detected a few smiles.

We're still hoping they can come home within the next 2 weeks.  The doctors said to expect them home around the time that I would have delivered so that's the last week of October.  The goal is to have them home by Halloween.  My little goblins!

Christopher

Kendall (that looks like a smile, right?)

Brother & Sister

Update

Thanks again to everyone for all of your well wishes and congratulatory messages!  The support I've encountered since starting my blog has been so awesome.  I can't imagine getting through everything without you guys!

The twins are doing good.  Kendall is a little chowhound and is already taking in 1.5 oz per feeding.  Christopher's appetite has also started to increase.  They discovered he had a heart murmur on Tuesday and the cardiologist came in and evaluated him.  There is an artery between the heart and lungs that is supposed to close after birth (PDA).  His didn't close.  This was also causing some increased respirations and we think his inability to keep food down. The first course of action was to limit his IV fluids and then if that didn't work, there's an ibuprofen-like medication they could've given him.  Thankfully, limiting his fluids worked and as of yesterday, the murmur had corrected itself. 

I was released from the hospital yesterday and I'm feeling pretty good.  Still taking Percoset as I need it but everything is about what I expected.  We're visiting the twins twice/day and spending about 2 hours each visit.  It's such valuable time and we always hate to leave but I know they are in such good care and I feel completely comfortable with that.  We think they will probably be in the NICU for about 3 weeks and I'm keeping my fingers crossed they'll be home by Halloween.

I'm still trying to figure out breastfeeding - which has been difficult considering there's about 5 miles seperating me from the babies.  I'm pumping at home and taking the milk to the NICU when we visit.  My milk just started coming in yesterday so I'm not generating a huge volume yet.  It took 3 pumps just to get 1 ounce but I was so proud of myself.

"Look what I did!  These things on my chest really do work!"

Here's a few more pics of the babies.  You can really tell how small they are when you see the pacifier in Kendall's mouth. 

Christopher

Kendall

More Twins Pics

Thank you so much to everyone for your well wishes! 

Ah, the wonders of Vicodin.  It has really helped with the pain management so I'm able to move around fairly well.  Since I had a similar surgery when my left tube was removed, I had a pretty good understanding of what the incision would feel like so I felt prepared.

Not so prepared for the hysterectomy part.

I've had a few people ask if I'm OK with it.  Before the c-section, I had asked to have my right tube tied because Todd & I knew we weren't going to try to conceive again.  This was our last year of trying - conception or not.  So, we had already made the decision to take measures to prevent any future pregnancies. To be blessed with twins is beyond words.

I'll save the whole birth story for another post but suffice it to say the hysterectomy was required to save my life.  The babies came out fine and they were attempting to remove the placenta previa when they realized it was deeply attached to my uterine wall.   I started to hemorrhage and they couldn't stop the bleeding.  I was awake and heard the doctor yell 3 things:  we need a mop over here, I need 2 units of blood stat and I need my hysterectomy kit.  And, then it got a little chaotic.  The anesthesiologist started ordering different medicatons and started 2 new IV lines.  He was doing a good job of talking to me to let me know what was going on and at that point, I only worried about my babies being safe.  I remember thinking, "Do whatever you have to do to me".

My blood pressure dropped pretty quickly and I heard the doctors talking to each other trying to get the bleeding under control.  "I need more suction" was a popular phrase.  All in all, I feel OK with everything.  I have my babies and I have my life.  Without the blood transfusion, I don't know where I'd be today.  I urge everyone to give blood at their local Red Cross or blood bank.  I plan to give back as soon as I'm able.

So, how about a baby update?  Both are doing well.  I FINALLY got to see them for the first time last night at 6:00 and then I went back down around 9:30 and spent another 2 hours with them.  Since they are in the NICU, they can't leave the room so we need to visit them. I am so in awe when I see them.  First, I can't believe how small they are.  While they were a good size at birth, they are still so tiny - especially Kendall.  Second, I can't believe I had both of them in my belly.  It's just amazing.  3 days ago, they were in me. And today they are breathing, eating human beings. Simply amazing.

Kendall is taking to feeding a little quicker than Christopher.  Since they were born so early, they haven't learned the sucking reflex yet but they are starting to get it.  Kendall is drinking formula through a nipple and seems to understand how to drink and breathe at the same time.  She has a great appetite and took in 7 cc of formula last night. Christopher is still learning - he was really "gaggy" last night and took in about 3 cc of formula but he spit up some of it so they went ahead and put a feeding tube in to get the rest of the food down.  They'll continue to try to feed him via mouth but will resort to the feeding tube if needed just so he can get the food.

I started pumping yesterday and I am getting some colustrum but no milk yet.  Maybe by tomorrow or Thursday.

Here's a few more pics.  I know everyone says it, but it's true.  I am so in love already.

Christopher
He's now off oxygen but still has the IV lines.

Kendall (for some reason, we have more pics of her.  I'll have to work on getting more of him today).

Our first family photo (don't be jealous of my super sexy look that I have goin' on). 

The Twins Are Here!

I'll post more details later but the twins were born last night (10/4) at 32.4 weeks.

Christopher
11:00 pm
4.09 lbs
17.5 in

Kendall
11:01 pm
3.15 lbs
17 in

Started bleeding and water broke at 5:00 pm.  Started active labor around 7:00pm.  C-section didn't go quite as planned.  Placenta previa ended up being a placenta accreta.  Hemorrhaged, lost half of my total blood volume in 20 minutes and blood pressure dropped to 90/30. They had to do an emergency hysterectomy to stop the bleeding and to save my life. 

Babies are doing well.  Only placed on oxygen last night.  Kendall is already off oxygen and breathing on her own.   Christopher should be taken off today.

Christopher

Kendall

32 Weeks (and 2 days)

Yesterday, I wasn't sure if I was going to make it.  I woke up and had a lot of discomfort in my lower belly.  It has happened before so I just figured Christopher was doing something funky and it would go away.

I had an appt with my peri at 9:30am and both heart beats were good at 145-ish for both.  And, then the u/s tech scared the ba-jeebus outta me.  She asked if the babies were still active and I said "yeah".  She went back to Christopher and we could see his heart beating but he was very still.  She poked and prodded to get him to move and he wouldn't.  At first, I thought to myself, "They aren't usually active in the mornings and he's just sleeping" but the more she poked, I started getting scared.  And, then just like that, she stood up and said, "Everything looks fine - I'll get the doctor for you". 

About 5 minutes later, she came back in and said the doctor got called away for a patient in the hospital and asked if I wanted to wait.  Not knowing how long he'd be gone, I decided to leave.  I didn't want to overreact and Christopher's heart beat was very strong so I knew the likelihood of something being wrong was low.

Anyway, I came home and layed on the couch.  The appointment was still in the back of my head so I kept prodding my belly trying to feel some movement.  Any movement.

Finally, he got the hiccups.  And, then a small kick.  Phew!

And, then the backache started.  Just a low, dull backache like when you stand for too long.  But, no matter how I laid, it wouldn't go away.  And, I still had that lower belly ache that had now started to radiate toward my sides.  It wasn't cramping and I wasn't having contractions so I chalked it up to ligament pain or gas pains.  But, damn!  It hurt!

I usually drink 2-3 liters of water per day and I knew I wasn't on track yesterday so I beefed up my water consumption around 3:00.  That helped with peeing but nothing else.  By 8:00, I broke down and took 2 Tylenol.  And, then finally, everything started to subside around 10:30 last night.

At one point, I was tempted to head to the hospital but since I wasn't having contractions and I wasn't bleeding, I thought it would be a wasted trip.  I took today off and woke up feeling much better.

You might also notice that I added a new ticker to my blog.  We have an official birthdate for the twins!  The hospital confirmed the c-section for 10/29 at 9:30am EST.   I can't believe there's only 27 more days!