It's been 5 days since we lost Kisa. I knew I would be sad and I knew it would be hard after she was gone. But, I'm still a little surprised by the intensity of grief I've been feeling. Grieving a human relative or family member is so accepted and after 5 days, it's expected that one would still be grieving.
But, the death of a pet is treated differently. It's minimized.
When you think about it though, the relationship with a pet is sometimes stronger than that of a human. My aunt passed away a year ago from cancer and I was sad. I remembered the family reunions and how she loved to laugh. Growing up, I only saw her once, maybe twice, per year. And as an adult, I think it had been 5 or more years since I last saw her.
But, a pet? You see them every day. They are your daily routine. You get used to seeing them in certain parts of the house. You get used to hearing certain sounds. You know they will greet you at the door or rub against your leg or sleep beside you.
Every day.
When that is taken away, there is an abrupt change to the routine you knew. Upstairs is where Kisa spent most of her time. After a long day of work or after the kids are in bed, I often lay in bed and watch TV, write, search the internet, etc. Every night, Kisa would come in, give me the same greeting of "Meow" and lay beside me. When it was time for bed, she would snuggle up against me, right in the crook of my arm.
Every. Single. Night.
I've felt lost the last 5 nights. I keep expecting to see her. To hear her sweet greeting. My mind tries to play tricks and for a brief moment, I allow myself to believe that she's just sitting downstairs. She'll come up when she's good and ready. She's an independent cat, after all.
And then that sick feeling washes over me and I know she's not coming. Not tonight. Not ever.
I'm not a complete mess. I'm OK if I'm downstairs or at work. It's just the upstairs. When I hit the top of the stairs and I have to pass by her "room", it's still hard.
I forced myself to put the rest of her things out for the trash tonight. I had been dreading it. In my head, I know it's just a food bowl. A toy. A bag of food. An inanimate object.
But, it was the last piece of her. My last connection. Yet, I still felt guilty putting it by the curb.
The kids still haven't asked about her. They did come upstairs after I took the last of her things outside. They both walked in the room and asked what I was doing in Kisa's room.
It will be her room for awhile.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Goodbye My Sweet Kisa
We said goodbye to my sweet Kisa today. She was diagnosed with liver failure 18 months ago. The doctor told us we'd probably have another 2 years with her so I'm thankful we had the amount of time we did.
Kisa was the first pet my DH and I purchased together 14 years ago. She was my baby. My first child. If I wasn't in bed at 10:00 pm, she would come downstairs and yell at me. She would sit on the bathroom sink and wait for me to wash my face. She loved to play and cuddle. When she was a kitten, she would sleep on my chest, just under my chin. She slept with me every night until a few months ago when it became too difficult to jump in the bed.
I knew this day would come but you're never prepared. I've been trying to mentally prepare since we knew the estimated timeframe but it's not any easier.
Christopher is/was really attached to her. The kids know she was sick. We told them we were taking her to the doctor this afternoon but we haven't had the "conversation" with them. I don't know how I'm going to keep myself together to say that she's not coming home. I'm a mess already and the kids keep wondering why I've been crying all day.
Rest in peace, baby.
Kisa was the first pet my DH and I purchased together 14 years ago. She was my baby. My first child. If I wasn't in bed at 10:00 pm, she would come downstairs and yell at me. She would sit on the bathroom sink and wait for me to wash my face. She loved to play and cuddle. When she was a kitten, she would sleep on my chest, just under my chin. She slept with me every night until a few months ago when it became too difficult to jump in the bed.
I knew this day would come but you're never prepared. I've been trying to mentally prepare since we knew the estimated timeframe but it's not any easier.
Christopher is/was really attached to her. The kids know she was sick. We told them we were taking her to the doctor this afternoon but we haven't had the "conversation" with them. I don't know how I'm going to keep myself together to say that she's not coming home. I'm a mess already and the kids keep wondering why I've been crying all day.
Rest in peace, baby.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Red-Eyed Tree Frogs
I think my daughter has her first crush. Not only does she demand to watch Go Diego Go! like ALL OF THE TIME but, she now quotes from the show.
The other morning, she put on her gloves and said, "I'm a red-eyed tree frog"!
And, one night while tucking them in, she was looking for a stuffed animal. She asked, "Mommy? Where is my bottle-nosed dolphin"?
I'm not quite sure what that says about the amount of their TV time but at least she's learning something?
This morning, I was driving them to school and out of the blue she said, "Sloths don't like to swim".
Seeing an opportunity for learning, I said, "That's right. What animal does like to swim"?
Kendall replied with , "I'm a dolphin and I like to swim".
Christopher chimed in and said, "I'm a shark and I like to swim".
Feeling very proud, I said, "Yes! Both of those animals like to swim".
To which Kendall replied, "Mommy, you're a whale and you like to swim too".
Gee, thanks.
The other morning, she put on her gloves and said, "I'm a red-eyed tree frog"!
And, one night while tucking them in, she was looking for a stuffed animal. She asked, "Mommy? Where is my bottle-nosed dolphin"?
I'm not quite sure what that says about the amount of their TV time but at least she's learning something?
This morning, I was driving them to school and out of the blue she said, "Sloths don't like to swim".
Seeing an opportunity for learning, I said, "That's right. What animal does like to swim"?
Kendall replied with , "I'm a dolphin and I like to swim".
Christopher chimed in and said, "I'm a shark and I like to swim".
Feeling very proud, I said, "Yes! Both of those animals like to swim".
To which Kendall replied, "Mommy, you're a whale and you like to swim too".
Gee, thanks.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Trying to be happy
Back in July, my sister approached me and told me her name was being submitted for a promotion. I happily replied, "That's great!"
To which she replied, "It's in Nashville". My heart sank.
We are 5 years apart but we are very close. We even work in the same office for the same company.
I knew if she interviewed for the position she would get it. Some time went by and the position seemed to be stalled. I selfishly gave myself high fives thinking it had fallen through.
And then she interviewed and she got it. Just like I knew she would.
My sister and her family are moving. She starts her new job on January 14th.
I'm so torn. Of course I'm happy for her. She deserves this. She has worked hard.
But I'm also heartbroken. Aside from college, we've never lived in different states. And to make things worse, Nashville is a 10 hour car ride away. Not exactly "weekend trip" material.
Around the same time, my mom announced they would be retiring at the end of the year. I don't see my mom regularly but she did live an hour away and we had family get togethers fairly frequently (every 6 weeks or so).
The stars aligned and they were able to retire a little early on November 30th. They are now living in their beach house in North Carolina, which is about 6 hours away.
My mom's move has been easier to handle because I knew it was coming. But, part of me still feels like a little girl who has been abandoned. My whole family is moving away. I know that's stupid. In my head I know we'll see each other and it's not like they are gone forever. Right?
My husband's family is all local and I am close to them but it's not the same. They aren't my family. My support system. I've talked about my husband's depression issues before and I know I could turn to his family if I needed to. But, they are still his family. Sometimes you just need to talk and be with people who understand you the best. Does that make sense?
I'm sure some of you who have always been apart from siblings and/or parents are probably reading this and thinking, "Stop being a baby. What's the big deal?"
I guess it's all about what you are used to. I'm used to seeing my sister every day. She's my lunch buddy, my confidant, my support system. She knows me better than anyone.
That will all be minimized to visits twice per year (summer and Christmas). Sure we'll still have texting and phone calls. But, it's not the same.
To which she replied, "It's in Nashville". My heart sank.
We are 5 years apart but we are very close. We even work in the same office for the same company.
I knew if she interviewed for the position she would get it. Some time went by and the position seemed to be stalled. I selfishly gave myself high fives thinking it had fallen through.
And then she interviewed and she got it. Just like I knew she would.
My sister and her family are moving. She starts her new job on January 14th.
I'm so torn. Of course I'm happy for her. She deserves this. She has worked hard.
But I'm also heartbroken. Aside from college, we've never lived in different states. And to make things worse, Nashville is a 10 hour car ride away. Not exactly "weekend trip" material.
Around the same time, my mom announced they would be retiring at the end of the year. I don't see my mom regularly but she did live an hour away and we had family get togethers fairly frequently (every 6 weeks or so).
The stars aligned and they were able to retire a little early on November 30th. They are now living in their beach house in North Carolina, which is about 6 hours away.
My mom's move has been easier to handle because I knew it was coming. But, part of me still feels like a little girl who has been abandoned. My whole family is moving away. I know that's stupid. In my head I know we'll see each other and it's not like they are gone forever. Right?
My husband's family is all local and I am close to them but it's not the same. They aren't my family. My support system. I've talked about my husband's depression issues before and I know I could turn to his family if I needed to. But, they are still his family. Sometimes you just need to talk and be with people who understand you the best. Does that make sense?
I'm sure some of you who have always been apart from siblings and/or parents are probably reading this and thinking, "Stop being a baby. What's the big deal?"
I guess it's all about what you are used to. I'm used to seeing my sister every day. She's my lunch buddy, my confidant, my support system. She knows me better than anyone.
That will all be minimized to visits twice per year (summer and Christmas). Sure we'll still have texting and phone calls. But, it's not the same.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
The Battle of the Bubbles
When the twins were babies, they would get baths a few times per week. More if they had an especially "messy" day.
As they grew into toddlerhood, they got baths every other day. More if they had an especially "messy" day. Sometimes the baths would be done willingly and sometimes with a bit of a fight.
As they've gotten older, baths have suddenly become an "issue". The never ending questions of "why" are exhausting. I try to explain they need baths more often because they are more active, often coming home with paint, dirt, mulch and various other acouttrements of the day.
Still, I get the questions.
Except, the questions aren't from the kids. They are from my husband.
I don't know if he truly thinks the kids don't need baths that often or if he's just lazy and doesn't want to do them?
I've gotten so tired of fighting over it that I've just started doing baths alone. Every once in awhile, I'll ask and he'll do it but, for the most part, it's just not worth the fight.
I just don't get it? He insists that I'm a "clean freak" and the kids don't need baths every day. I usually respond with some smart ass comment about not raising the equivalent of Pig Pen from the Charlie Brown cartoons.
I know my sister gives her 4 and 2 year olds a bath every night so I know I'm not a freak.
So, blog friends. I'm asking you.
How often do you bath your 2-4 year old(s)?
Does anyone else's husband fight over giving the kids' baths and think they don't need them every day or, at the very least, every other day?!
As they grew into toddlerhood, they got baths every other day. More if they had an especially "messy" day. Sometimes the baths would be done willingly and sometimes with a bit of a fight.
As they've gotten older, baths have suddenly become an "issue". The never ending questions of "why" are exhausting. I try to explain they need baths more often because they are more active, often coming home with paint, dirt, mulch and various other acouttrements of the day.
Still, I get the questions.
Except, the questions aren't from the kids. They are from my husband.
I don't know if he truly thinks the kids don't need baths that often or if he's just lazy and doesn't want to do them?
I've gotten so tired of fighting over it that I've just started doing baths alone. Every once in awhile, I'll ask and he'll do it but, for the most part, it's just not worth the fight.
I just don't get it? He insists that I'm a "clean freak" and the kids don't need baths every day. I usually respond with some smart ass comment about not raising the equivalent of Pig Pen from the Charlie Brown cartoons.
I know my sister gives her 4 and 2 year olds a bath every night so I know I'm not a freak.
So, blog friends. I'm asking you.
How often do you bath your 2-4 year old(s)?
Does anyone else's husband fight over giving the kids' baths and think they don't need them every day or, at the very least, every other day?!
Friday, December 7, 2012
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Sneak Preview
Our next door neighbor's son and his wife had a daughter about 2 months ago. She was born at 28 weeks and basically, she's a miracle baby.
They asked if I still had any of Kendall's baby items that I was looking to get rid of. I donated alot of the twins' preemie outfits and diapers back to the NICU but I still have a few things that I wanted to give them. A portable crib, tons of receiving blankets, socks and a car seat.
The son is an amateur photographer so I jokingly said we could do an even swap. A holiday photo shoot for the baby items. He took me up on it.
This past Sunday, we met in an old, historic town that is about 15 minutes away. I was so nervous about trying to get decent photos. In years past, the twins just would not cooperate.
And, I'll be honest. I have saved all of these cute holiday photo ideas on Pinterest, just hoping that maybe we could capture some great photos ourselves.
We walked through the town, stopping to take pictures on different benches and in front of rustic looking walls. I tried to keep my expectations low. After about 10 minutes, the kids were really having a great time.
They seemed to "get it". We took pictures for about an hour and I felt really good about the shoot.
The photographer has only given me a sneak preview of a few shots but I am so pleased and SUPER HAPPY with them so far!
They asked if I still had any of Kendall's baby items that I was looking to get rid of. I donated alot of the twins' preemie outfits and diapers back to the NICU but I still have a few things that I wanted to give them. A portable crib, tons of receiving blankets, socks and a car seat.
The son is an amateur photographer so I jokingly said we could do an even swap. A holiday photo shoot for the baby items. He took me up on it.
This past Sunday, we met in an old, historic town that is about 15 minutes away. I was so nervous about trying to get decent photos. In years past, the twins just would not cooperate.
And, I'll be honest. I have saved all of these cute holiday photo ideas on Pinterest, just hoping that maybe we could capture some great photos ourselves.
We walked through the town, stopping to take pictures on different benches and in front of rustic looking walls. I tried to keep my expectations low. After about 10 minutes, the kids were really having a great time.
They seemed to "get it". We took pictures for about an hour and I felt really good about the shoot.
The photographer has only given me a sneak preview of a few shots but I am so pleased and SUPER HAPPY with them so far!
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