Family Pictures

Spencer had the great idea a little bit ago to go downtown and get some family pictures taken. There are a lot of abandoned/dilapidated/"artistic-looking" buildings in Tulsa that could work as different backdrops. We got our friend Lynsie (of "Photography by LynLyn") to come with us and snap some pictures - with our awesome 8.0 megapixel point-and-shoot camera (Lynsie's business will really take off when she gets that DSLR). For the record, we really do love our camera.

We ended up with some that we really like.

And our two favorite family pictures:

Overheard x2

Running errands while the sun shone brightly:
Andy: I can't see the sun! (apparently it was too bright to look at)
Me: Well don't look at it.
Andy: It's looking at me!


While waiting in the checkout aisle at Target (at normal volume):
Benny: Sing!
Andy: Ahh ahh ahhhh, ahh ahh ahhhh, ahh ahh ahhhh
Benny: Keep singing!
Andy: Ahh ahh ahhhh, ahh ahh ahhhh, ahh ahh ahhhh
Benny: Keep singing!

And then they reversed roles a couple of times.
Can you guess what the favorite movie is these days?

A lesson to be learned (and some Halloween)

I think I finally figured out the lesson that God is trying to teach me (lately. of course there is more than one!). That doesn't mean I've fully learned it and that problems will go away. But it does mean that I'm admitting to myself that other than my own choices, I don't have any control over anything. And even thinking about it more in these terms right now, it feels very liberating.

It feels like the boys have been waking up earlier and earlier lately. Benny has been wearing underwear to bed for quite some time and he's been doing a wonderful job of getting up whenever he needs to go to the bathroom. The trouble is, in the early morning hours, Benny will sometimes turn the bedroom light on when he goes. That, rather unfortunately, wakes Andy up. As soon as Andy wakes up, both boys think that it's day time and time to be up and play. Sometimes they stay in their room and play. Sometimes, like this morning, they make their way out into the family room and start playing (this has been around 5a or earlier). Spencer is just wonderful and this morning he got up 4 times to get them to go back to bed. I thought it was only twice - maybe three times. I was wrong.

This morning has been a bit of a hard one for me. Not because the boys are acting especially tired or bad, but because I have been letting their lack of sleep get to me. I want to figure out what I can do to fix the problem. There have been countless times I have wished I could make a child sleep. Our kids have always slept well at night. We have, however, struggled with daytime naps - particularly with Benny starting at age 2 and Andy recently.

I think the lesson I need to learn is that we are not in control. We may think that we are - and we may have moments where we feel like we are. Those are delusions. I just looked up "delusion" and it includes in the definition: "typically a symptom of mental disorder." That reminds me of the definition of insanity that I have heard often: "doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result." Apparently I suffer from insanity. Knowing is half the battle, right?

In all honesty, I believe we need to know our limits. I think it's part of having low expectations. It's not about doing nothing, but taking care of what we can. Just because I have no real control over my children does not mean I should cease to instruct and implement certain consequences for certain actions. Just because I had no control over Benny and Andy throwing sand in the sandbox at our ward playgroup today doesn't mean I shouldn't enforce the consequence of removing them from that situation if they do it one more time. They did, so I got them inside. I am grateful that they weren't throwing the dirt at anyone else - or even each other - but I don't want them getting into that habit or getting sand in their eyes or others' eyes.

I think it's also important to learn that even some of the things we do have control over need to be let go. I could choose to have control over keeping my house spotless. That is something I have chosen to let go - not completely. We don't live in filth. But if I tried to always be picking up after our kids or hounding them to pick up everything right when they're done playing with it, nobody in our house would be very happy. I'm learning to adapt to my situation in life.

These lessons have come bit by bit to me and I'm grateful. This year I almost decided to make a costume for Benny. I called my sister Bethany to ask her about the costume she made for her oldest daughter that (I'm guessing) they're 6th child wore for Halloween this year. After talking to her I decided to keep things simple and I bought Benny's costume (eight bucks at Dollar General). It was wonderful. He loved being a "good" Darth Vader. What really cracks me up about it all is that we almost had to talk him into wearing his costume to the ward Trunk-or-Treat. He wanted for a while to wear what he wears his Iron Man costume: a red long-sleeved t-shirt, his blue warm-up pants, red slippers, and Spencer's Gryffindor beanie pulled down over his face. He would have been just as happy wearing that. I'm glad I didn't worry and stress over making a costume for him when it would only have negatively impacted the whole family. Some things are just not worth taking control of.

I do find it ironic - and comforting - that of the three costumes for the kids this year, the one I didn't make won a prize at Spencer's school's Halloween party. That makes three years in a row for Benny. The Max wolf suit I made two years ago won two years in a row. This year he won "Scariest" costume. I tried explaining that to him and he kept telling me he wasn't scary. He's a good Darth Vader. So, although the "pressure's on" for next year, I'll probably buy the costumes we need for next year - or start sewing in June!

I wish you could hear Benny saying "cheeeeeeeese!"


I heard that Lilia was going to win "Cutest," but they wanted to spread out the winnings.
A very cute little lion won.
She sure was a cute little monkey and everybody got a kick out of her walking around everywhere. She loves her costume and wore it around the house a couple of afternoons looking pleased as punch!


Waiting for the judges to finish.


Oh, and I won best adult costume. I haven't dressed up for years but I thought the kids would get a kick out of it. They loved the silly braids.
At the trunk-or-treat the adults all knew who I was but I got blank stares or "What's with the hair?" from a bunch of the kids. I guess Pippi Longstocking is more dating than I thought...

Overheard

Benny: After this baby we'll have another baby girl and then a baby boy. On Halloween.

He did clarify that baby boy would be born on some Halloween. Not this one. Glad he's got a plan for our family! And glad that he likes babies.

By the way, it's a girl!

The pep talk I needed

I sure needed a pep talk from my mom this morning. I wrote in my journal this morning (finally! It had been over 4 months) after I got a hold of her and I thought I'd share it.

.......................................................
7 October 2010
There is a lot I need to work on. Things start going really well and I start to expect more. That doesn't sound like it would be a bad thing always. I think it can be dangerous with kids, though.

On our date last month, Spencer pulled up a "conversation starter" app on his phone. One of them asked about having high or low expectations. It was kind-of funny because I got a "Well that's a no-brainer" look on my face. Then Spencer said, "High" and was going to move on. I stopped him and told him my answer was "low." We discovered we were looking at things differently. I think I do have high expectations for myself in the kind of person I am. I have high expectations for Spencer and what he can accomplish. When our kids are in school I believe I will have high expectations for them and their work and with their grades.

However, in working with little kids day in and day our for some time, I have learned more than once -- and sometimes the hard way -- that it is incredibly important to lower expectations. I need to remember this lesson more often because I think it could save me from learning it again the hard way.

I think that I get good at lowering my expectations for a while. I even get good about adding things to our lives that, really, are like -- not the icing on the cake because, let's face it, I really don't like cake without the icing -- that extra taste of chocolate trifle -- just wonderful, but not necessary after the helping you just had. I get good at these things that after a while, I begin to expect these things as the norm. And when they don't happen as a normal course, I get hard on myself and wonder why I'm not able to do better.

I have definitely had many days where I have felt that I succeeded because we all survived the day. I have joked about that many times, also. I think, though, that I have created a problem for myself. Not because of what I expect of myself, but because of what I think others expect of me. Let's not start on the number of things that are wrong with that idea.

The Lord gives each of us our own challenges and it's up to us to find the best way of dealing with those. The best way meaning the Lord's way. Otherwise we will continue to be given opportunities to learn -- the hard way.

I'm trying to remember that God has given me certain challenges and I am supposed to do things my way, which I am trying hard to make the Lord's way (turning my will to his, not the other way around) -- not anybody else's way, no matter how enticing it may look from the outside. They have their own challenges and are adapting their own lives to their own situation.

I am recommitting myself to keeping my expectations low for what we do each day. The essentials will be met -- and that may change each day. We may watch a movie every day. We may watch two some days. Some days we may even watch three. I just don't know. I will work to be a good mom. I want to be a nice and happy mom. That is what my kids need. That is what I want to give them. I'm sure we'll still go to the library, the zoo, the aquarium. But if we don't happen to make it when I think it would be ideal, that's okay. Those things will all still be there later. I'm also sure there will be days like Tuesday when I'm tired and don't want to do anything, but I'll push myself to get out with the kids because they need it. And it will be great.

If I can remember to keep my expectations lowered effectively and appropriately, we may all just be in for a great life together. I'm looking forward to it with my wonderful Spencer and our wonderful kids.
.......................................................


I'll finish up with some pictures from the backyard picnic we had for lunch today.

She loves being outside.


The boys love playing with their toys on the window ledge. Benny had Veronica, the hippo, and Andy with his dinosaurs.


Prince Phillip (still - and maybe forever)




Benny and Veronica.
I can't believe how much he's growing up these days.


My attempt at a group shot. Ohh, well. They're still cuties.

Overheard (variation) and the Tulsa State Fair (updated)

Woman (walking into the fair with husband and one or two kids while I leave the fair with three kids): That looks stressful.

Honestly, I thought about this one for a little bit. I thought at first, "You're telling me." And then I really thought about how I was feeling. Tired, yes. Exhausted, even. Sore, definitely. Stressed, not really.

I also thought that I much prefer the comments I get from the grandmas and great-grandmas at the grocery store: "These are the best days of your life," "It may not feel like it, but you'll miss it when they grow up," etc. I love the attitude conveyed by these types of comments. Yes, there are times I feel stressed. I have found, however, that when I start to feel stressed, it is usually because I have created it for myself and not because of Heavenly Father.

I am so grateful for my children. I am grateful for the blessing of realizing that with most of life, we do things because that is what is required. It's so much about becoming less selfish. Things get hard when we don't get what we want. If we can adjust what we want to what the Lord wants, life gets that much easier. I am grateful that an outing alone with my kids does not cause me stress.


All that said, I did have to gear myself up for our trip to the fair yesterday. I had been saying for a while that I wanted to go with the kids. I knew that Spencer's schedule wouldn't allow for us all going together (he's on his surgery month) at a time that wasn't insanely crowded (after school hours or the weekend). I talked to a few friends to see if anybody wanted to come with us and, no, that didn't work. I wasn't sure I wanted to tackle that even with our three kids and being pregnant. I called my mom to get motivation. It worked.

Since the kids are all under 5 I didn't have to pay for them. An $8 investment is not all that much, so I thought we'll go, look around a bit, maybe splurge on fair food for lunch, and head home. We went first to the birthing center and saw some kids (baby goats) that were just days old. There were also some (lots of) piglets lined up eating or sleeping next to the mama pig. Then we went into the petting zoo (same building). The kids had a great time. I got $1 food cup and then benefited from a family's leftover family-size food cup. Benny loved feeding all the animals and will tell you that "It tickles" when an animal eats from your hand. After the first couple times, he stuck with the little shovels provided for feeding. Andy, surprisingly, wanted nothing to do with feeding the animals. Lilia, however, would have loved feeding herself with the animal food had she been able to succeed in getting the cup from me. Benny kept saying that he thought certain animals looked hungry. One goat came for seconds and Benny told him, "You already ate." We all had a great time.

Honestly, we didn't do much else. We went into the 4H pavilion and saw the displays of several of the 4H clubs from the surrounding areas. The boys liked seeing some race cars and painted pumpkins that were in there. After some more goats and pigs Andy told me his legs were tired and Benny said his feet were tired. I was going to get some lunch - I'll tell you, I was torn between the fresh lemonade or the cherry limeade I saw and only faintly tempted by the deep fried twinkie. Unfortunately I didn't really plan ahead and I didn't have the cash and I was unwilling to pay a fortune in fees to use the ATMs available. The boys made it to the car and made do with a bagel I split between them. Lilia got a piece of bread I had packed. The boys got to enjoy corn dogs from our freezer. Not exactly the fair fare I was planning on, but they were happy. We'll have to try again next year - when there are four kids to tote along!

This may have seemed pretty disjointed, but I'm grateful that we went and I'm grateful for all that I have. I'm especially grateful for all the things I have learned.

One of the hardest things with all the kids when it's just me is taking pictures. It's hard to keep everything together while clicking away on the camera. I'm guessing that just takes practice. I'll just have to get out more. Here are some pictures I did get.

All ready to go in!

In the birthing center.
The bright spot above Benny's left wrist is the eye of a little lamb - born within the last few days.

The new little chicks.

Even Lilia loved seeing them hop around.

This one came right up to the window just hopping around.

Love the horns on the highland cattle (I'm pretty sure that's what it is).

And here are pictures I borrowed from Amuse Matte of our time at the fair.

Entering the gate.


On our way to check out all the over-priced food.


Headed out to the car.

Overheard

Benny (4-yrs-old): "Andy, you do [should] not move your legs when I change your diaper."

Benny has now changed two of Andy's soggy diapers on his own and he loves it!

small update in pictures

The last weekend in August we had a good time with Spencer around. He had worked some weekends that month and it was nice to have him around. That Friday we drove up to Bartlesville (about 45 min away) to go to the Kiddie Park. It's a bunch of carnival rides for kids up to age 10. Most rides are a 25 cent ticket, some are two. Adults get in free. We met up with a couple of other med school families - one in our ward and the other in the stake - and had a great time watching the kids have a ball! It was the latest we've stayed out in quite a while, but it was definitely worth it. Benny and Andy are definitely about cautious fun. Lilia was confined to the stroller the whole time, but she did well. We really didn't do all that many rides, but the kids thoroughly enjoyed it - particularly the train ride at the end - complete with tunnel that Benny still mentions ever once-in-a-while.

First Spencer took the boys to ride the "horsies" on the carousel. They were a little scared.

They loved the airplane ride! Unfortunately Benny wasn't able to pull back hard enough on the lever to lift them up. They still had a great time, though.

Lilia enjoyed watching.

One of their favorite rides (they went twice) was this horse and carriage ride. It just went around in a small circle. Very tame, but right up their alley.

Spencer with Lilia on the train. We all had a great time!

The next day we went for a short walk on the river walk after enjoying some good frozen yogurt (you get the cup, pick your own yogurt from a large variety and put in any number of mix-ins and pay for the weight). The kids really enjoyed the frozen yogurt and the walk. They loved seeing the bears!

Yes, Andy is wearing a cape!
I'll put up more pictures of the capes I made for the boys some day. They both really enjoy them, but Andy especially. He wears his often to the store and anywhere else we go!
If you ask him who he is he answers, "I am Pince Phi-yip!"
He also loves Sleeping Beauty. :)

Pre-K and Reading Lessons

Here in Oklahoma they have what's called Pre-K. I don't remember knowing about anything like it in Utah, but I didn't have any kids that age at the time. It's basically just another year of kindergarten. Just a year earlier. What I came to find out, though, is that almost all of the programs in our area are a full school-day M-F. Honestly, it seems absurd to be to send a 4-year-old to school all day, every day. I think I am the only one I know who is not putting their 4-year-old in. I don't regret it. Benny has a lot of years of school ahead of him. Spencer's still in school, so I don't feel bad about keeping Benny out right now. It's a good decision for us. We've been doing something else instead.

A while back my sister told me about a book she has used to teach some (I'm not sure how many) of her kids to read. Back in July at my family reunion my sister-in-law told me about the same book. It turns out she had originally told my sister about it. It's called Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. You can get it from Amazon for $15. Not bad at all.

image from here.

I am really enjoying it and Benny does well with it. He's already starting to read some words. I really like the system as it seems really effective. Benny already knew all of his letters and their sounds so it hasn't been a hard transition for him. I really recommend this to anyone with a kid/kids ages 3-5. If you do get it, be sure to read the whole introduction. It's quite long, but it gives good background on the system and information on how to conduct the lessons. I don't think I'm one of those parents that things their kid/s needs to be reading before kindergarten, but if they're showing signs of being ready (knowing all letters and sounds), I say go for it. Benny has been ready for something more for a while and I'm really glad I'm doing this with him. It works out really well that Andy and Lilia usually take naps at the same time in the afternoon and I can take 15-20 minutes (that's really how long they take!) with Benny after he has a little quiet time. And it's very rewarding to see him learning more things.

I wrote the above a while ago and we've since amended things. I started doing lessons in the morning and now we've slowed things down a bit, but I'm still a believer in the system. I'm trying to take things at a better pace for Benny to make sure it's a pleasant experience for him. I want him to love reading like Spencer and I do.

I've also got a good routine to help him with his counting. I got the idea from my friend Kira. I picked up a big wipe-off calendar from a school supply store that we have close to us (I love those places). Every morning Benny will count to the date and will put up a picture that shows the day's weather. He started getting better at counting right away. That's been fun to see.

The thing is, I do believe it.

I had a really good productive morning today. It's been way too long since we've been to the library, so because of that (and the fact that I had three books being held for me) we went this morning. Story time day is Tuesday so we just picked out some stories and read a few there together. As much as I like going to story time, I really like going on different days because we don't have to deal with anybody else in the kid section. It's definitely more relaxing!

After the library we ran to see some friends who are moving back to Utah tomorrow (and to drop off toys that we still had in our car since our road trip to Utah) followed by a quick trip to the bank, then to the fabric store (where Andy ended up tipping over the cart - with Lilia buckled inside it, don't worry, she's okay), and then a totally unplanned trip to pick up a big calendar to use with the kids because they were doing so well and I thought, "Why not?"

I was quite pleased with how the morning went. For some time now I've been describing myself as "quite mobile" with the kids. We do all sorts of stuff. This morning was great.

When we got home I unloaded the kids and started on library books. I went to the back of the car to get the books I had put in the stroller bag when leaving the library. But the stroller wasn't there. I immediately realized I had left it in the parking lot of the library right next to where I had parked the van. I wasn't so much worried about not having the stroller, but I really didn't want to have to pay to replace the books (especially because I would have hated to pay for the books and not have been able to keep them - when they're books I really like). I hurried to get the kids in the van - the boys were great and ran right away to get in - in their socked feet and went on my way. Praying the whole time that I would find it in the parking lot. I didn't want to have to go inside to see if someone had turned it in because that would mean I'd have to leave the kids in the car when it's way too hot outside or bring them all in again. Without shoes.

Thankfully, as I turned into the parking lot I saw small black wheels from underneath a car. Someone had at least moved it out of the parking spot itself. I was so grateful - and made sure to pray that, too.

I know there are some who don't believe in pregnancy dementia, but I think I will always be a firm believer. I'm just so grateful I didn't leave Lilia buckled in! Although I'm sure I would have noticed much more quickly that I had forgotten something. I'll keep believing that, anyway.

Looking back on it, it's not that big a deal, but it sure made for an interesting morning!



On a completely unrelated note:
I thought I'd share that the only ice cream I have found that does not have high fructose corn syrup is Blue Bunny.
If you haven't heard, despite what the commercials tell you, I learned on the history channel that high fructose corn syrup inhibits something in your brain so you don't know when you're full, thereby causing you to eat more. I know ice cream isn't the best anyway, but at least I've found one that's better.
Unfortunately (for me), this does not mean I will not enjoy other kinds of ice cream occasionally.

thing 4

coming February 2011

*confused? see here.

Lilia turns 1 and other goings on

in no particular order: Lilia turns 1 (Birthday "party" on the actual day, dinner on the following Sunday), trip to the aquarium, and playing around the house.

Video of the birthday party.

Can you tell these two are siblings?