My secret. (plus a Halloween picture)

Spencer left for Ada, OK early last Tuesday morning and he will come home late tonight (Tuesday). We just finished October, which had Spencer in Dallas during the week (so grateful he was able to come home on weekends!). It's been long. I'm tired. I'd like Spencer to be home full-time again. But I know we'll be fine. Starting January his rotations are in Tulsa again.

Of course, I could handle things better than I do while Spencer's gone, but I do think I handle things pretty well. This is something I've worked at long and hard over the 3+ years we've been here. I've gotten really good at just doing what needs to be done. I still have a long way to go, but I'm definitely moving in the right direction. (I don't think I've used paper plates once while he's been gone - I'm not against it, I've just been doing dishes every night, which is a big accomplishment for me.)

Sunday I took the kids to church on my own. While things weren't perfect, I reminded myself that they never are. Even when Spencer's here. The kids were very good. And the wonderful family that sits behind us took Anne a couple of times for a little bit. I even resurrected the quiet book this morning (it had been missing flowers) and was able to take that again. It was a definite help.

That evening, I talked briefly with a man in the ward who had called to ask about Spencer's home teaching for October (side note - Spencer's companion so wonderfully offered to take care of things on his own because he knew Spencer had such limited family time). This man, who had been sitting across the aisle from us, mentioned that I did a great job with all four kids on my own. I told him my secret:

Whenever the kids and I go to church without Spencer, I say a prayer in the parking lot before we go in.

I remember the first time I went to church with three kids by myself. That seemed like such a huge deal to me then (there are a lot of things that seemed like a huge deal in the past and no longer are. I'm trying, now, to not make such a huge deal of things because they will inevitably not be one). I'm grateful that as I was driving to church that morning I had the thought that I should pray with the kids (in addition to the long continuous prayer I had going in my head that whole morning) before going into church. So I did. I think I have done that each time since then.

I have been working recently on being better at prayer. I recently read this and I've also listened to this talk a few times since I heard it originally during General Conference this October. I highly recommend both. I've had a very nice time working at improving my prayers. I'm grateful for the things I'm learning.

Prayer has become so much more real to me than it ever has been. There are some days I feel as if I have a continuous prayer running the whole day. I have also had the privilege of having many prayers answered. What a wonderful gift it is to be able to have a direct connection with God. I have been more an more humbled the more I see how much God is watching out for me in very real ways.

Some time ago I had a conversation with a lady and we were talking about being far from family geographically. I mentioned that I was grateful for the opportunity to grow closer to Heavenly Father through prayer because when it's so easy to turn to family for all kinds of help, we miss out on the opportunity to pray in the same ways we would otherwise. After I said that, the lady responded and said that prayer was all well and good, but when it comes right down to it, there's nothing actually there and family can be there for you.

I don't remember my response, exactly, but I'm sure I politely changed the subject. I have had a lot of times where I've needed something and I haven't known exactly what. I am grateful for my loving Father in Heaven who knows, even when I don't, what I need and how I need it. I have prayed to specifically prove that woman wrong. And I have. I have felt immeasurable comfort when I have been alone and I have been able to continue on with what is required of me.

Monday morning I had all four kids fed (steel cut oats with strawberries and cinnamon - I didn't tell them I left the sugar out!), dressed, and in the van before 8a. To be fair, Benny and Andy fed and dressed themselves and buckled themselves in the van. Lilia fed herself and at least picked out her clothes. Anne, well, we're working on her. :) We dropped Benny off at school right at 8 (I hope it's not counted as a tardy). Straight from school I went to Sam's Club (for lots of produce) immediately followed by the grocery store for some non-bulk items. The kids and I were home by 9:30a. I felt great.

I marveled at how far I've come when I remembered that with only two kids I would do whatever I could to not go to the store until Spencer was home. Or I would ask a friend to sit with the kids. She only did a couple of times, but I asked more than a couple of times (remember, Lynsie?). I think I finally started learning - and living - the lesson that I've been trying to teach the kids for a while: doing work will help us get stronger.

I want to mention another thing that has really helped me lately. I short time ago I was anticipating this time with Spencer gone. I was thinking it was just going to be so hard and unbearable. Then I thought, what am I scared of? I'm not scared of our kids. They're ours. I know what to expect - pretty much! I'm the mom. Am I scared of work? I decided to not be scared of the work but to just be ready to be tired. Very tired. Frequently tired.

I also remembered something I thought I heard in General Conference April 2010. I even wrote about it in my journal the night after I heard it in conference, but when I went back and read the whole talk I said it came from, it wasn't there. Regardless, it's a lesson I'm so grateful to have learned and I consider it a huge lesson from the spirit. It was something I thought of during Elder Bruce Carlson's talk. The opposite of faith is fear. You cannot have faith and be afraid at the same time. Couple that with what I read in Richard Edgley's talk from last October: "Choose faith over doubt, choose faith over fear, choose faith over the unknown and the unseen, and choose faith over pessimism." Without having read that before, that is the conclusion I had come to. I don't want to choose to be afraid of our kids or of what I have to do when Spencer is gone. I want to trust that things are all going to work out for our good. I am trusting that God will not forget me and he will take care of me when I fulfill my end of the bargain.

And now, the kids on Halloween.

Benny: Optimus Prime, Andy: Max in his wolf suit, Lilia: Super Girl, Anne: Monkey

What we eat

Well, a lot of people have asked to see what we eat. I thought I'd go ahead and just post that here for anyone who's interested.

By the way, I'm officially in the "I've lost over 30 pounds!" bracket - and I'm thrilled!

Breakfast. Two to three times a week I make steel cut oats. They are delicious. Much more healthy - and much better tasting - than rolled oats. If you try them out, start them the night before. Boil the water, turn the stove off when the water bubbles. When the bubbles stop, pour in the oats, cover and let sit over night (you can leave them on the warm burner). In the morning, heat them up to bubbling. I eat around one cup of cooked oats with a full chopped apple, 4 big strawberries, and a handful of blueberries with cinnamon. The kids have one or two of the above (sometimes with raisins as well) with cinnamon and about 1/2 tsp brown sugar. I try to remember to add flax seed to it. I love this breakfast. The kids love this breakfast. Lilia sometimes cries when we're not having this breakfast.
About once a week we have 100% whole wheat pancakes or waffles with ground flax seed added. We just use the recipe for buttermilk pancakes or waffles in the Better Homes and Gardens cookbook. We use almond milk now, but we still add lemon juice. Not exactly "buttermilk," but they're very good.
The other mornings I let the kids have rice chex, cheerios, or life and we have a lot of fruit. I usually cut up a bunch of strawberries, grapes, a kiwi (if we've got them), and an apple or two.
*I have a very similar bowl of fruit almost every night for "dessert." I usually save the raspberries for my night time bowl. Makes it a little more treat-like.

Yes, for lunch and dinner our main dish is salad. Every day. We love it. And you better believe that each of us has a salad that puts Elaine's to shame.
The most important thing for us to have is our big bag of salad veggies. I almost always have a big gallon bag of chopped veggies in the fridge (it's lasting fewer and fewer days since the kids now request a "big salad" from time to time). We usually use 1 to 2 crowns of broccoli, 1/2 head cauliflower, 3 bell peppers, 1 celery heart, 5 to 7 mushrooms (pretty big), a whole lot of baby carrots, 2 to 3 red apples and 1 green apple (I really enjoy the occasional bite of tart green apple, it's delicious) Yes, I know apples aren't a vegetable (although our kids think so because they're in the veggie bag!), but I really like the taste and the crunch in a salad. This usually fills up our big mixing bowl. There have been a few times that I have out-done myself and have had to switch over to our really big bowl in order to get everything mixed up. I think it's about time for me to invest in some kind of food chopper because I do all of this by hand.

For my lunch and dinner, I get a decent-sized salad bowl and fill it up with mixed salad greens and baby spinach (we get a 1-pound tub of each from Sam's Club) and cut it up so it's easier to eat. Then I dish out a generous portion of my veggies on top. Now, a lot of you might find it boring to eat a big salad for lunch and dinner every day. There are, however, some things you can do to mix things up. Tomatoes, cucumbers, beans (any kind, really), avocados, sunflower seeds, cashews, and whole wheat croutons are some of the things that I will mix up - strawberries are delicious, also. Different combinations can really give you a different taste. I used to include cucumbers in our "salad veggies," but once we kept getting a whole bunch of water at the bottom of our bag and until I noticed the small pieces of dark green peel, I didn't realize the cucumbers were liquifying. It still tasted fine, but I didn't want to risk it, so now I often add 1/2 a cucumber on top of everything else. Also, we enjoy salad dressings. If you look in our fridge, it looks like we probably have stock in Brianna's dressings. We have really enjoyed almost all that we've tried. I have been putting less and less dressing on my salads, though. Mostly it's a way to moisten things up a bit for me.
*I have only added kale once to a salad, but I wish I got it more often to add. It's delicious and gives a kind-of lemony taste. I need to remember more often how much I enjoyed it.

Now the other dishes.

Bean Burritos - just wrapped up at the table and not baked. Black beans and refried beans w/ olives, tomatoes, etc.

Veggie stir fry - cabbage, onions, zucchini, sometimes eggplant, bell peppers, mushrooms, pineapple tidbits with the juice, julienne carrots (really taste so much better than chopped), sometimes tofu. Can flavor with rice vinegar, Mrs. Dash, whatever you like.
We have used a frozen bag of stir fry before, but I don't use the sauce. I added bell peppers and mushrooms to freshen it up a little bit. We've gotten spoiled with so many fresh vegetables, it just wasn't quite as good.

Quinoa salad - a delicious recipe can be found here. We don't like as much grapefruit as it calls for. The last time we made it we did only about 1/2 of one. I probably would have liked it better with 3/4 to a full grapefruit. Spencer was just fine with half.
The quinoa salad we do most often, though, is just one cup of quinoa with a full cucumber, full bell pepper, one can drained and rinsed black beans, and one can drained corn.

Pasta - whole wheat pasta with a dressed up spaghetti sauce. I saute zucchini, onion, peppers, yellow squash, and sometimes broccoli with garlic and spices. I add a can of (or fresh) diced tomatoes and a jar of spaghetti sauce (Classico brand Tomato and Basil doesn't have any sugar, if you're interested).

Pasta Prima Vera - saute broccoli, cauliflower, and bell peppers. Add toward the end some fresh tomatoes and some frozen peas. Before I started avoiding dairy more I would grate a whole bunch of parmesan cheese on top (after tomatoes but before peas - peas go in at the very end) and add some milk to make it more creamy. I would add all of that to the cooked whole wheat pasta onto which I had already poured a jar of alfredo sauce. Without dairy, dress your veggies the way you like. Spencer used rice vinegar and Mrs. Dash when he did it (we're working on branching out a little more :)).

Roasted vegetables - potatoes, sweet potatoes, onions, celery, and sometimes carrots. Some salt and pepper to taste with water in the bottom of the pan (you can use chicken broth or add a bouillon cube if you want). Bake, covered, at 425 for 30-45 minutes (or however long your oven takes).

Sweet Potato Quesadillas (one of my favorites!!) - Find the recipe here. I often do sauteed mushrooms as well as fresh. We use whole wheat tortillas - and I don't put any cheese on at all. They don't stick together, but the sweet potatoes are really good with the crispy tortilla. Also, I don't bake them like the recipe says. I just put them on the griddle and brown both sides of the tortilla until crispy (one tortilla folded in half). Also, I use a lot more filling than in the picture. The kids eat these without complaint. Lilia, who I like to call "the finisher" would eat as many of these as we gave her. She gets so excited when I tell her these are on the menu. She even asked for a wedge that was on my plate and from which I was about to take a bite!

Vegetable Enchiladas - Recipe here. My sister Bethany sent me this one. It calls for 3 quarts of spinach. That's about 1 full pound (it shrinks a lot). I didn't look at the recipe closely enough and didn't have as much spinach as we needed (oh, I had a full pound in the fridge, but I couldn't use it all and still have enough for our salads!). I ended up adding bell pepper and mushrooms to the veggie mix. The mushrooms definitely gave it a different flavor from your traditional enchiladas, but they were so good! The kids all loved these and would probably have cleaned out the 9x13 if we hadn't given them fruit as well! I used the 9x13 variation offered at the end of the recipe and also used a full can of refried beans and a full can of black beans. I might add a second can of one next time I make it. It felt a little lacking to me that way. Also, I made half with the cheese and half without. I think I'll leave it off completely next time.

Beans - I guess it's a bean chili of sorts. Spencer decided one day to throw some black beans (drained and rinsed - is there any other way?), pinto beans, and garbanzo beans together in a pot and added some V8 to it. Since then we've upgraded and start with some garlic with oregano, basil, cilantro, and cumin with the juice and then add the beans and heat through. Occasionally, because I don't like that they add sugar to V8 (isn't the point to have just vegetables?!), we blend up some fresh tomatoes and celery. This is another one the kids just love! I made this just last night and used two cans of each kind of beans thinking we'd have plenty of leftovers for dinner another night. No such luck. With only one fairly small portion for me, the kids devoured it all!!
*We've added kale to this before and I thought it was very good. I think spinach would also be delicious.

Corn - The kids love corn on the cob so we'll just have that with fruit on the side and usually a green salad for the kids as well.

Split pea soup - We haven't had this one yet, but a wonderful friend just sent me home with a bad of dried split peas. If I remember right, just put a bag of split peas, lots of chopped carrots, celery, and onion in your crockpot, cover with water, and cook all day stirring occasionally. I'm looking forward to this one.

When I make my menu for the week, I usually only use three to four dishes because we usually end up with enough leftovers for the other nights. That way we don't cycle through everything too often and the kids don't get tired of anything. Sometimes it can be two weeks before we have another dish again.

And there you have it. I will add a note on how we handle things with our kids. My dad has always said that kids won't let themselves starve. Now, of course, there are exceptions with real medical conditions, but we're talking the average kid. Spencer and I have believed this and we work with that. We know that what our kids eat has to come from us in the first place. We have decided that we're not going to feed our kids certain things. There may have been some nights that a kid or two did not want to eat what was offered to them for dinner. When they woke up in the morning there were leftovers waiting for them at their place at the table. They may have seen the leftovers for lunch, even (I won't go into details here, but if you're interested, ask me some time about Lilia's piece of broccoli from lunch today and how it might have become her dinner and bedtime snack). But, eventually, they eat the food we give them. Sometimes the boys will tell me that they don't like their vegetables, but they eat them because they know that vegetables are good for them. I get so happy when I hear that. I like it even more when I hear "I like vegetables now!" (Believe it or not, I do hear that every once-in-a-while!)

I'm not exactly sure what did it, but I think our kids are starting to find out that Spencer and I are more stubborn than they are. But, mostly, I really think they're starting to discover how good these foods really are!


*If you have any recipes you think I would like, please share! I would love to try some new things.
And if you try any of these, let me know how you like them.