With all our history, I can't believe that we are here.. waiting somewhat impatiently for the LO to arrive. I am almost 39 weeks. Had contractions on and off for almost a week at 38 weeks, including a trip to L&D as I thought that my water was leaking and the LO wasn't moving as much. After spending half the night in the hospital being monitored, I was let go. The baby is doing fantastic and my cervix is still closed.
With the commitment of my business and two toddlers, it took me about 3 hours to organize everything before our trip to the hospital, the luxury that I would definitely not get when the real labour arrives.
At our last appointment with the doctor on Friday it was determined that we are waiting until the 4th of November, and then if I am dialated, they will break my waters (and hope for labour to progress naturally) or continue with the plan to have a c-section the following week. As DS1 was born through a c-section, any induction creates a risk of rupturing that we don't want.
Today is Halloween. Will try to go out with the kids to trick or treat, and may be all that walking will trigger labour. Fingers crossed. Happy Halloween!!!
Monday, October 31, 2016
Wednesday, September 21, 2016
33 weeks and counting!
To say that my life has been crazy busy is an understatement. Between being pregnant, taking care of a 2 year old clingy toddler and a 4 year old, and my own business there was little time left for anything else. The good news, we graduated to low risk clinic about 2 weeks ago. DS2 was born at 29 weeks and we crossed that threshold with flying colours! I also am keeping the same doctors that saw me at high risk clinic, the difference is that now my appointments take about 1-2 hours, instead of 4-6 hours at high risk clinic.
I am big, the baby is big and is constantly in motion that makes me very uncomfortable. We are less than 2 months before the baby is supposed to be born, and we are completely unprepared. NOTHING is ready, and for the past month I was so busy in the office that most of the days would not get home until 11 p.m. Thank G-d for DH who can get the two older ones to bed on his own without much complaining.
DS2 is getting more and more clingy. He has reached his 2 years corrected age, and is doing very well according to his therapists and doctors. But, I think he feels that things are going to change soon and he doesn't want to let me out of his sight (even during trips to the washroom, he needs to be close to me or sit on my lap). Can't imagine his reaction when the baby #3 will arrive.
And other big news, we are having a 3rd BOY. He was not shy about showing his private parts during the anatomy u/s and thereafter when I sheepishly asked again during my regular u/s appointments, the nurse confirmed again that he is definitely a boy. So I am outnumbered.... big time! :)
Again, as my life has been very crazy, I am not on here much. Mostly just reading the blogs of those few who still post something. So, the next post will probably be a birth story, although, can't even think about it now. Lets hope the LO will stay cooking for another 2 months.
I am big, the baby is big and is constantly in motion that makes me very uncomfortable. We are less than 2 months before the baby is supposed to be born, and we are completely unprepared. NOTHING is ready, and for the past month I was so busy in the office that most of the days would not get home until 11 p.m. Thank G-d for DH who can get the two older ones to bed on his own without much complaining.
DS2 is getting more and more clingy. He has reached his 2 years corrected age, and is doing very well according to his therapists and doctors. But, I think he feels that things are going to change soon and he doesn't want to let me out of his sight (even during trips to the washroom, he needs to be close to me or sit on my lap). Can't imagine his reaction when the baby #3 will arrive.
And other big news, we are having a 3rd BOY. He was not shy about showing his private parts during the anatomy u/s and thereafter when I sheepishly asked again during my regular u/s appointments, the nurse confirmed again that he is definitely a boy. So I am outnumbered.... big time! :)
Again, as my life has been very crazy, I am not on here much. Mostly just reading the blogs of those few who still post something. So, the next post will probably be a birth story, although, can't even think about it now. Lets hope the LO will stay cooking for another 2 months.
Friday, March 18, 2016
Surprise, Surprise!
I don't know if anyone still following this blog, but decided to share the latest news.
Well.... I am pregnant... about 6 weeks.
This was a total surprise.
I keep saying to myself that if someone told me about 5 years ago that I can get pregnant like that (without really trying) I would laugh at them.
My older one just turned 4 and the little one is about 1.5. They are both doing good. The little one is a bit behind in a few areas and we are attending therapy, but overall a very happy kid who is really attached to his mommy.
So how did it happen? I don't really know, to tell you the truth. We were still debating whether or not to have a third, but knowing our history, not really protecting. Then this month AF didn't come. I stopped losing hair and felt a bit off. I was also sick and on antibiotics for strep throat, so attributed the delay in AF to the sickness, but when AF was over a week late, I POSed on a test that expired in 2014. It was positive. DH didn't believe me and bought a couple more to confirm. It was positive.
I made an appointment to my family doc for referral to high risk clinic (given my history) and on the same day did a whole slew of blood tests. On Tuesday, 15th I had an u/s. I was worried. The u/s measured the fetal pole at 2mm and exactly 6 weeks. Unfortunately it was too early to detect a heart beat. And after the u/s it finally hit me that I am actually pregnant.
The problem. I am scarred! Not of having the 3rd baby, but of having another premie. I started spotting again. It is brown, so I am trying to keep it together. My appointment with high risk clinic will not be until April, and I am at a loss at what to do. We also scheduled a mini family vacation, which involves flying, and not really sure if we should cancel it. I will feel bad if we cancel as the older one really wants to go to the ocean (he tells me this every night before he goes to sleep), I don't know if I can take that away from him.
We told my parent's last weekend, and they took it pretty well (better than I expected), and then on Tuesday after u/s told the immediate family. Did not tell the kids yet. Well, did not tell the kids directly. We do discuss it in front of them, but they did not catch up on that yet.
Well.... I am pregnant... about 6 weeks.
This was a total surprise.
I keep saying to myself that if someone told me about 5 years ago that I can get pregnant like that (without really trying) I would laugh at them.
My older one just turned 4 and the little one is about 1.5. They are both doing good. The little one is a bit behind in a few areas and we are attending therapy, but overall a very happy kid who is really attached to his mommy.
So how did it happen? I don't really know, to tell you the truth. We were still debating whether or not to have a third, but knowing our history, not really protecting. Then this month AF didn't come. I stopped losing hair and felt a bit off. I was also sick and on antibiotics for strep throat, so attributed the delay in AF to the sickness, but when AF was over a week late, I POSed on a test that expired in 2014. It was positive. DH didn't believe me and bought a couple more to confirm. It was positive.
I made an appointment to my family doc for referral to high risk clinic (given my history) and on the same day did a whole slew of blood tests. On Tuesday, 15th I had an u/s. I was worried. The u/s measured the fetal pole at 2mm and exactly 6 weeks. Unfortunately it was too early to detect a heart beat. And after the u/s it finally hit me that I am actually pregnant.
The problem. I am scarred! Not of having the 3rd baby, but of having another premie. I started spotting again. It is brown, so I am trying to keep it together. My appointment with high risk clinic will not be until April, and I am at a loss at what to do. We also scheduled a mini family vacation, which involves flying, and not really sure if we should cancel it. I will feel bad if we cancel as the older one really wants to go to the ocean (he tells me this every night before he goes to sleep), I don't know if I can take that away from him.
We told my parent's last weekend, and they took it pretty well (better than I expected), and then on Tuesday after u/s told the immediate family. Did not tell the kids yet. Well, did not tell the kids directly. We do discuss it in front of them, but they did not catch up on that yet.
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Birth Story
Life got so challenging that I forgot to post the birth story. My little fighter is going to be six months old in December, so here is his birth story:
It all started on Saturday night (June 14). It was late when I finally got to bed. As I laid down I felt a bit of a watery discharge. It was enough to make my legs wet, but not enough to wet my bed. I thought that it might be cm or may be a peed myself or something. I did have an uneasy feeling about it, but felt asleep very quickly with the thought that I'll ask my OB about it on Monday. On Sunday, June 15, I was at my parents with DS1. It was pretty hot outside, but I wanted to take DS1 for a walk, so we all went. DH stayed home to assemble the playground that we bought for DS1. The walk turned out a very long walk, plus midway DS1 became very clingy, he wanted to walk only with me and wanted only me to carry his electric tricycle that he was riding before. My parents did help a bit, but the walk was tiring. As we were approaching my parents house, I could feel some more watery discharge and at that point I just wanted to get to my house. Knowing how my mom feels about this whole situation, I didn't tell her anything. When we finally got home, I texted my friend and asked her what did it feel like when her water broke and did tell her about the situation. I told her that I was debating whether to go to the hospital at that time (Sunday evening) or wait until Monday for my OB appointment. She told me that it was better to go and check it out now. So I told DH that I really feel uncomfortable and want to check it out. I didn't want to make a fuss, so we called MIL and told her to come without explaining all the details.
At around 6 p.m. we arrived at the hospital where I was supposed to give birth. The assessment room was pretty empty (not like that time when I was here last with DS1). I was put on an uncomfortable bed (I hate those beds at the assessment room) with the monitors for the baby's heartbeat and contractions. They were happy to report that there were no contractions and the baby was happy as a clam. We were told that we should wait for the resident doctor to examine me, so we waited, and waited and waited.... I was still thinking it was nothing and we would be home soon. I did have a little hunch that it wouldn't be so, when the nurse who was to take care after the shift change at 7:30 p.m. introduced herself. It was the "angel" the nurse that I loved during DS1's birth. Could it be a coincidence...
At around 8:15 p.m. I sent DH home to put DS1 to bed, and of course, about 15 min later, the resident came in. She asked me if it was my first pregnancy, and I told her NO. I did tell her that DS1 was born at almost 41 weeks. She said that she wanted to examine me. Once she put a speculum in, and told me that she can see a lot of cm. She started cleaning it and then her face expression changed. She said something to the student that was with her and took out the speculum. She said that she is going to examine me very carefully which she did, and told me that I am 4 cm dilated with a bulging membrane. She also said that I would not be going home and she will be checking with the NICU at that hospital if they will be able to take care of my baby there or they have to move me. The first order of business was the steroid shot for the baby's lungs and it was given at 8:30 p.m. Then there was magnesium for baby's brain, and my angel nurse stayed with me while it was administered. I did get very hot and flashed from magnesium. I called DH and told him to not go back to the hospital but wait for my instructions. The next couple of hours were kind of a blur. I remember the resident coming back with the u/s machine to make sure that the baby is good and his position. He was head down. I also got some antibiotics. A doctor from my OBs practice also came by to see me to confirm the plan of action. I was told that they will be transferring me as the NICU at that hospital was not equipped to take care of a 29 week old baby. Eventually they told me that there was a bed at the hospital downtown and I'll be transferred there once an ambulance is available. I was happy with the choice of the hospital as my brother was born there at 28 weeks and he is going to be turning 16 this year.
Just after 10 p.m. the ambulance arrived. I called DH and told him to head downtown. The nurse and the resident were very concerned for me not to put any pressure on the membrane as it could burst, so they gently transferred me from the bed I was on to the gurney, and off in an ambulance I went. It was my first ride in an ambulance. I was still very hot from magnesium and was happy that there was AC in the ambulance that was blowing on me. The ride was uneventful. I was facing the wall, but I could see the back door with windows and was chit chatting with the medical personnel that was with me. It is funny that they asked the nurses at the first hospital whether it was confirmed that I have a bed and whether they were expecting me at the downtown hospital, but when we got to the admitting at the L&D the girl at the counter had no clue. She did call someone and they confirmed that everything was arranged, and I was transferred to a small room at the L&D.
I don't remember much what was going on there. A few nurses came and were taking down all the details. When DH came they sent him down to get me admitted and he had to get up and down a few times to get the correct information as the reception in my L&D room was very shitty. At some point a student and a doctor/resident/intern came, it turned out that we know the student, but we were comfortable discussing everything with her. I got more magnesium, and blood work, and some other drugs to calm the uterus, although they said that it could not stop the labour if it was in progress. Once everything was done and over with, I sent DH home as there was nothing happening. I didn't sleep a wink that night. I had a good nurse at night that would help me move from side to side when I needed it, re-positioning all the probes, moving my table and filling my glass with water.
In the morning (Monday, June 16th), I made sure that the nurse gives me the second round of steroids at exactly 8:30 a.m. They had a new computer system implemented, which was having some glitches and all of the requisitions on my file were erased; however, the nurse told me that she will give me the dose regardless as she knows how important it is to get them in time. Plus I was given more magnesium. Around 9:30 a.m. the decision was made that I can be transferred to the normal room in the area for preterm mommies. The time was going by but I was still in L&D and every nurse had a different reason why. One said that it was because I could feel some contractions/tightness (which their monitors were not picking up), the other was saying that they are waiting for the bed etc. I was a bit fed up. My parents came in a for a bit and then DH came. Finally, around 4 or 5 p.m. they transferred me to a room. Luckily, I got a bed by the window. But my happiness was short lived. Once we got to the room and I was settled, I sent DH home to be with DS1 after daycare. I still had business I had to finish so had my laptop with me, but couldn't do much as contractions returned. My sis came by and I gave her instructions on how to help me. The contractions were getting worse and I called DH to get back to the hospital ASAP. I told my sis that she is not leaving until DH comes back. I called a nurse a few times and told her that contractions are become very painful. They were about 10 minutes apart but lasted from 1 to 1.5 minutes. The nurse told me that the doctor is in the OR and she will get him to examine me as soon as he is available. Needless to say, I didn't do much work. The contractions were getting worse, the nurse brought the monitor, but it was not picking up the contraction, although she could feel them with her hands on my tummy. When the doctor finally arrived and checked me, I was already 7 cm dilated. We were having this baby sooner rather than later.
Back to L&D we went. It was a room just beside the one where we were in the morning. Right away I asked the nurse that I want an epidural, and she said that she would call anesthesiologist. In the meantime, she was trying to get my IV line going (which was done at the first hospital, and apparently, no the way they do it at the second hospital, so she was struggling), she finally decided to get the new line in and also took a few vials of blood. Eventually the anesthesiologist came in. She asked some questions and I told her that I want drugs now as I was in a lot of pain. The pain was getting intolerable plus it was going into my legs and they were getting numb. After all this, the anesthesiologist said that she needs blood work to be done and it would take about 40 minutes to process it and once she has the results she could do the epidural. Well... the time just stopped... the contractions were getting closer and closer and stronger and stronger. I would not be able to tell you how much time has passed, but by the time she said that she has the results and started prepping me, I was yelling out loud at each contraction in both Russian and English. The nurse propped me over the side of the bed with my legs down, and we started the stupid procedure. I have no clue how I managed to sit through it as at that point the contractions were one on top of another with almost no break in between. All I could manage is to yell, oh no not another one!!! DH was doing great, doing whatever he could to make it a bit bearable for me. Patting my head, holding my hand, hugging me, whatever I told him to do.
As the anesthesiologist for finalizing epidural, I could feel a lot of pressure and yelled that I have to push as he is coming out. The anesthesiologist sopped what she was doing, the tiny room filled in with people and all of them were trying to lay me down. At that point, I couldn't move and was just yelling at them in both languages to not touch me. The pain was so strong and unbearable, I didn't know if I am going to live through this. Somehow, they did put me down, and there were faces all around me telling me to breath. As I was down, they started telling me not to push. What ?!?!? I told them that I can't do that, he is coming out and I can't do that. Apparently after the whole ordeal, my water was still intact and they had to break it as my baby boy was on the way out. Once they did, I kept screaming in pain, and at that point they were all yelling at me to stop screaming, hold my breath and push. There were so many people around, everything was so blurry and I just couldn't do it, I was screaming and crying. Then one doctor/resident/intern (still don't know who he was) he just yelled at me very loud: Look at me, you have to concentrate, hold your breath, tuck your chin in and start pushing as hard as you can, just push... That made me snap out of my hysteria and I started pushing. I pushed once, I pushed twice and I pushed for the third time, and I couldn't do it anymore. I was crying, and telling DH that I can't do it and asking him to take the pain away. There was no time to get the epidural going, so I had no drugs to help me. DH did great, he calmed me down and said that all I need is one more push, he can see the head, and one more push and this is going to be over. and I did... .one last push... and he was out.... My second baby boy was born. Tiny... purplish...but crying from the top of his lungs.... It was 1:34 a.m. on June 17th, 2014.
They gave him to me to hold, not skin to skin, but I was still holding him. They were counting a minute before cutting his cord, and he was crying all that time. DH had the honor of actually cutting the cord. I gave my son a kiss on his head and he was whisked away to a different room. It was time for me to get the placenta out, which was a piece of cake after the whole labour ordeal. The same doctor who helped me before was there, pushing on my tummy and shoving something in. Apparently I was hemorrhaging and they were trying hard to stop it. It did take some time. In addition, my uterus was not contracting down, and they were struggling with it. The nurse put a catheter in, and after my bladder was emptied, the uterus started to cooperate. Then the doctor was stitching me and was surprised when I was yelling from pain. I guess he forgot that there was no drugs. The gave me something locally, but I could still feel the pain. Through all this, DH was going by the room to see DS2 as he was being prepped for NICU. I told him to be with DS2 rather than with me, as I didn't want to leave the baby alone. I don't remember how long we stayed at L&D, but thinking for a few good hours. The nurses did change all the bedding at least once as I have lost a lot of blood. I was then wheeled back to the same area where I was just before, but this time, my bed was next to the door. I didn't mind... on the way there we stopped by NICU to see our son. His bed number in NICU is the same as my parents house number. How ironic is that? DH went home to sleep, but I spent another sleepless night as my neighbour or her husband was snoring, and I still couldn't get over what happened a few hours before.
UPDATE: We spent a month and a half in the hospital downtown and to say that it was challenging is not to say anything. But we survived. On July 30th DS2 was transferred to the hospital closer to our house (i.e. 7 min drive!) and I was coming to hospital 3 times a day to breast feed, usually at 6 a.m., 12 p.m. and 6 p.m. and DH would go for the 9 pm feed. We stayed there for another month and a half and I practically had to kidnap my baby to get out of the hospital the night before his 3rd month birthday. We had amazing nurses who helped us a lot, the problem was that he wasn't eating his full dose in the allotted time, everyone agreed that he would do waaaaay better at home, but nobody wanted to take a risk. So the nurses, pushed, a lot, and closed their eyes on a few things. Everyone were so right! The first two days home, he didn't gain nor lost any weight (which was good as he was adjusting), and then gained 100 grams over the weekend. Today, at 5.5 months (almost 3 months corrected) he is weighing 5.73 kg! His pediatrician is very happy with his progress and told me that if he would be born on time, he would be a HUGE baby :)
It all started on Saturday night (June 14). It was late when I finally got to bed. As I laid down I felt a bit of a watery discharge. It was enough to make my legs wet, but not enough to wet my bed. I thought that it might be cm or may be a peed myself or something. I did have an uneasy feeling about it, but felt asleep very quickly with the thought that I'll ask my OB about it on Monday. On Sunday, June 15, I was at my parents with DS1. It was pretty hot outside, but I wanted to take DS1 for a walk, so we all went. DH stayed home to assemble the playground that we bought for DS1. The walk turned out a very long walk, plus midway DS1 became very clingy, he wanted to walk only with me and wanted only me to carry his electric tricycle that he was riding before. My parents did help a bit, but the walk was tiring. As we were approaching my parents house, I could feel some more watery discharge and at that point I just wanted to get to my house. Knowing how my mom feels about this whole situation, I didn't tell her anything. When we finally got home, I texted my friend and asked her what did it feel like when her water broke and did tell her about the situation. I told her that I was debating whether to go to the hospital at that time (Sunday evening) or wait until Monday for my OB appointment. She told me that it was better to go and check it out now. So I told DH that I really feel uncomfortable and want to check it out. I didn't want to make a fuss, so we called MIL and told her to come without explaining all the details.
At around 6 p.m. we arrived at the hospital where I was supposed to give birth. The assessment room was pretty empty (not like that time when I was here last with DS1). I was put on an uncomfortable bed (I hate those beds at the assessment room) with the monitors for the baby's heartbeat and contractions. They were happy to report that there were no contractions and the baby was happy as a clam. We were told that we should wait for the resident doctor to examine me, so we waited, and waited and waited.... I was still thinking it was nothing and we would be home soon. I did have a little hunch that it wouldn't be so, when the nurse who was to take care after the shift change at 7:30 p.m. introduced herself. It was the "angel" the nurse that I loved during DS1's birth. Could it be a coincidence...
At around 8:15 p.m. I sent DH home to put DS1 to bed, and of course, about 15 min later, the resident came in. She asked me if it was my first pregnancy, and I told her NO. I did tell her that DS1 was born at almost 41 weeks. She said that she wanted to examine me. Once she put a speculum in, and told me that she can see a lot of cm. She started cleaning it and then her face expression changed. She said something to the student that was with her and took out the speculum. She said that she is going to examine me very carefully which she did, and told me that I am 4 cm dilated with a bulging membrane. She also said that I would not be going home and she will be checking with the NICU at that hospital if they will be able to take care of my baby there or they have to move me. The first order of business was the steroid shot for the baby's lungs and it was given at 8:30 p.m. Then there was magnesium for baby's brain, and my angel nurse stayed with me while it was administered. I did get very hot and flashed from magnesium. I called DH and told him to not go back to the hospital but wait for my instructions. The next couple of hours were kind of a blur. I remember the resident coming back with the u/s machine to make sure that the baby is good and his position. He was head down. I also got some antibiotics. A doctor from my OBs practice also came by to see me to confirm the plan of action. I was told that they will be transferring me as the NICU at that hospital was not equipped to take care of a 29 week old baby. Eventually they told me that there was a bed at the hospital downtown and I'll be transferred there once an ambulance is available. I was happy with the choice of the hospital as my brother was born there at 28 weeks and he is going to be turning 16 this year.
Just after 10 p.m. the ambulance arrived. I called DH and told him to head downtown. The nurse and the resident were very concerned for me not to put any pressure on the membrane as it could burst, so they gently transferred me from the bed I was on to the gurney, and off in an ambulance I went. It was my first ride in an ambulance. I was still very hot from magnesium and was happy that there was AC in the ambulance that was blowing on me. The ride was uneventful. I was facing the wall, but I could see the back door with windows and was chit chatting with the medical personnel that was with me. It is funny that they asked the nurses at the first hospital whether it was confirmed that I have a bed and whether they were expecting me at the downtown hospital, but when we got to the admitting at the L&D the girl at the counter had no clue. She did call someone and they confirmed that everything was arranged, and I was transferred to a small room at the L&D.
I don't remember much what was going on there. A few nurses came and were taking down all the details. When DH came they sent him down to get me admitted and he had to get up and down a few times to get the correct information as the reception in my L&D room was very shitty. At some point a student and a doctor/resident/intern came, it turned out that we know the student, but we were comfortable discussing everything with her. I got more magnesium, and blood work, and some other drugs to calm the uterus, although they said that it could not stop the labour if it was in progress. Once everything was done and over with, I sent DH home as there was nothing happening. I didn't sleep a wink that night. I had a good nurse at night that would help me move from side to side when I needed it, re-positioning all the probes, moving my table and filling my glass with water.
In the morning (Monday, June 16th), I made sure that the nurse gives me the second round of steroids at exactly 8:30 a.m. They had a new computer system implemented, which was having some glitches and all of the requisitions on my file were erased; however, the nurse told me that she will give me the dose regardless as she knows how important it is to get them in time. Plus I was given more magnesium. Around 9:30 a.m. the decision was made that I can be transferred to the normal room in the area for preterm mommies. The time was going by but I was still in L&D and every nurse had a different reason why. One said that it was because I could feel some contractions/tightness (which their monitors were not picking up), the other was saying that they are waiting for the bed etc. I was a bit fed up. My parents came in a for a bit and then DH came. Finally, around 4 or 5 p.m. they transferred me to a room. Luckily, I got a bed by the window. But my happiness was short lived. Once we got to the room and I was settled, I sent DH home to be with DS1 after daycare. I still had business I had to finish so had my laptop with me, but couldn't do much as contractions returned. My sis came by and I gave her instructions on how to help me. The contractions were getting worse and I called DH to get back to the hospital ASAP. I told my sis that she is not leaving until DH comes back. I called a nurse a few times and told her that contractions are become very painful. They were about 10 minutes apart but lasted from 1 to 1.5 minutes. The nurse told me that the doctor is in the OR and she will get him to examine me as soon as he is available. Needless to say, I didn't do much work. The contractions were getting worse, the nurse brought the monitor, but it was not picking up the contraction, although she could feel them with her hands on my tummy. When the doctor finally arrived and checked me, I was already 7 cm dilated. We were having this baby sooner rather than later.
Back to L&D we went. It was a room just beside the one where we were in the morning. Right away I asked the nurse that I want an epidural, and she said that she would call anesthesiologist. In the meantime, she was trying to get my IV line going (which was done at the first hospital, and apparently, no the way they do it at the second hospital, so she was struggling), she finally decided to get the new line in and also took a few vials of blood. Eventually the anesthesiologist came in. She asked some questions and I told her that I want drugs now as I was in a lot of pain. The pain was getting intolerable plus it was going into my legs and they were getting numb. After all this, the anesthesiologist said that she needs blood work to be done and it would take about 40 minutes to process it and once she has the results she could do the epidural. Well... the time just stopped... the contractions were getting closer and closer and stronger and stronger. I would not be able to tell you how much time has passed, but by the time she said that she has the results and started prepping me, I was yelling out loud at each contraction in both Russian and English. The nurse propped me over the side of the bed with my legs down, and we started the stupid procedure. I have no clue how I managed to sit through it as at that point the contractions were one on top of another with almost no break in between. All I could manage is to yell, oh no not another one!!! DH was doing great, doing whatever he could to make it a bit bearable for me. Patting my head, holding my hand, hugging me, whatever I told him to do.
As the anesthesiologist for finalizing epidural, I could feel a lot of pressure and yelled that I have to push as he is coming out. The anesthesiologist sopped what she was doing, the tiny room filled in with people and all of them were trying to lay me down. At that point, I couldn't move and was just yelling at them in both languages to not touch me. The pain was so strong and unbearable, I didn't know if I am going to live through this. Somehow, they did put me down, and there were faces all around me telling me to breath. As I was down, they started telling me not to push. What ?!?!? I told them that I can't do that, he is coming out and I can't do that. Apparently after the whole ordeal, my water was still intact and they had to break it as my baby boy was on the way out. Once they did, I kept screaming in pain, and at that point they were all yelling at me to stop screaming, hold my breath and push. There were so many people around, everything was so blurry and I just couldn't do it, I was screaming and crying. Then one doctor/resident/intern (still don't know who he was) he just yelled at me very loud: Look at me, you have to concentrate, hold your breath, tuck your chin in and start pushing as hard as you can, just push... That made me snap out of my hysteria and I started pushing. I pushed once, I pushed twice and I pushed for the third time, and I couldn't do it anymore. I was crying, and telling DH that I can't do it and asking him to take the pain away. There was no time to get the epidural going, so I had no drugs to help me. DH did great, he calmed me down and said that all I need is one more push, he can see the head, and one more push and this is going to be over. and I did... .one last push... and he was out.... My second baby boy was born. Tiny... purplish...but crying from the top of his lungs.... It was 1:34 a.m. on June 17th, 2014.
They gave him to me to hold, not skin to skin, but I was still holding him. They were counting a minute before cutting his cord, and he was crying all that time. DH had the honor of actually cutting the cord. I gave my son a kiss on his head and he was whisked away to a different room. It was time for me to get the placenta out, which was a piece of cake after the whole labour ordeal. The same doctor who helped me before was there, pushing on my tummy and shoving something in. Apparently I was hemorrhaging and they were trying hard to stop it. It did take some time. In addition, my uterus was not contracting down, and they were struggling with it. The nurse put a catheter in, and after my bladder was emptied, the uterus started to cooperate. Then the doctor was stitching me and was surprised when I was yelling from pain. I guess he forgot that there was no drugs. The gave me something locally, but I could still feel the pain. Through all this, DH was going by the room to see DS2 as he was being prepped for NICU. I told him to be with DS2 rather than with me, as I didn't want to leave the baby alone. I don't remember how long we stayed at L&D, but thinking for a few good hours. The nurses did change all the bedding at least once as I have lost a lot of blood. I was then wheeled back to the same area where I was just before, but this time, my bed was next to the door. I didn't mind... on the way there we stopped by NICU to see our son. His bed number in NICU is the same as my parents house number. How ironic is that? DH went home to sleep, but I spent another sleepless night as my neighbour or her husband was snoring, and I still couldn't get over what happened a few hours before.
UPDATE: We spent a month and a half in the hospital downtown and to say that it was challenging is not to say anything. But we survived. On July 30th DS2 was transferred to the hospital closer to our house (i.e. 7 min drive!) and I was coming to hospital 3 times a day to breast feed, usually at 6 a.m., 12 p.m. and 6 p.m. and DH would go for the 9 pm feed. We stayed there for another month and a half and I practically had to kidnap my baby to get out of the hospital the night before his 3rd month birthday. We had amazing nurses who helped us a lot, the problem was that he wasn't eating his full dose in the allotted time, everyone agreed that he would do waaaaay better at home, but nobody wanted to take a risk. So the nurses, pushed, a lot, and closed their eyes on a few things. Everyone were so right! The first two days home, he didn't gain nor lost any weight (which was good as he was adjusting), and then gained 100 grams over the weekend. Today, at 5.5 months (almost 3 months corrected) he is weighing 5.73 kg! His pediatrician is very happy with his progress and told me that if he would be born on time, he would be a HUGE baby :)
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
He is here!!!!
I will do a full post on his birth and the events leading up to it, as I am holding as many details as I can in my head right now. I just really really don't have time to sit and write, as his early arrival wrecked havoc in our lives.
Our precious miracle was born in the early morning of June 17. My labour progressed so quickly that I started pushing before the epidural was completely done!!! All I can say is that natural birth is not for me, the pain was blinding and excruciating, I don't want to EVER give birth without drugs. As I said to DH, if by some miracle we would be blessed by another child, I will be getting an epidural BEFORE I go to the hospital.
So now for my little miracle baby. He is a fighter, born at just over 29 weeks, and currently in NICU. He is doing pretty well. He is a big baby :) but still tiny. I do have thoughts of just running away with him, as it is hard leaving him at the hospital. As I said, my life right now is a total wreck and I am struggling with keeping a balance. I continue to work, I have to as we do need money and I already committed to my clients. My last deal is closing August 3 and I am not taking any new work. BUT, I am busy, so I sleep about 4-5 hours a night max and every day juggling pumping every 3-4 hours, work commitments, a trip downtown to get some skin-to-skin action with our little one in the morning and sometimes in the evening, plus spending time with my two year old. I am exhausted, but what can I do..... Just need to survive this and next week and it should get better work wise. I am proud to say that I am a milk factory :) I think by now my little one has enough frozen b. milk that he can take a bath in it. Hopefully it will continue.
Here is a very short synopsis of where I am right now. Back to work for me.
Our precious miracle was born in the early morning of June 17. My labour progressed so quickly that I started pushing before the epidural was completely done!!! All I can say is that natural birth is not for me, the pain was blinding and excruciating, I don't want to EVER give birth without drugs. As I said to DH, if by some miracle we would be blessed by another child, I will be getting an epidural BEFORE I go to the hospital.
So now for my little miracle baby. He is a fighter, born at just over 29 weeks, and currently in NICU. He is doing pretty well. He is a big baby :) but still tiny. I do have thoughts of just running away with him, as it is hard leaving him at the hospital. As I said, my life right now is a total wreck and I am struggling with keeping a balance. I continue to work, I have to as we do need money and I already committed to my clients. My last deal is closing August 3 and I am not taking any new work. BUT, I am busy, so I sleep about 4-5 hours a night max and every day juggling pumping every 3-4 hours, work commitments, a trip downtown to get some skin-to-skin action with our little one in the morning and sometimes in the evening, plus spending time with my two year old. I am exhausted, but what can I do..... Just need to survive this and next week and it should get better work wise. I am proud to say that I am a milk factory :) I think by now my little one has enough frozen b. milk that he can take a bath in it. Hopefully it will continue.
Here is a very short synopsis of where I am right now. Back to work for me.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
11 weeks and counting
We had our last u/s at the Early Pregnancy Clinic last Friday (Feb. 7). The baby was doing great. S/he was wiggling both arms and legs. DH was mesmerized, but I only got a glimpse, which was still good. The doctor showed me his/her head, the heart and the placenta. Everything was measuring right on time - 11 weeks.
When I got into the u/s room and started talking to the doc, I went a it on offensive, as I still didn't have OBGYN. She was reluctant to take me on the spot, and said that her office has control over patient intake, but that she will make a note on my chart and send it over to her office. When I got home, I called my family doctor and asked her nurse to send a referral to that OBGYN's office right away with the note that the patient spoke to Dr. L in the morning, and she did.
This morning, I called my family doctor again, and the nurse said that they haven't heard from Dr. L's office, so I called myself, and after some convincing and begging, I got myself an OBGYN!!! Since I am over 11 weeks, the first order of business was to call and schedule a NT scan. Scheduled for THIS Thursday. Yei!!! and then the first meeting with Dr. L on Feb. 25, the day before our trip. Exciting!
I have been a bit busy with the new office and trying to incorporate my existing practice with assisting another lawyer. What didn't help, is my extreme tiredness, and very bad nausea. The nausea just doesn't go away, it is almost constant. I have barely eaten anything in the past 3 days. It was so bad last night that I was just lying on the couch all evening (and before that I fell asleep on the couch while DH played with DS) and could only stomach a toasted bagel without anything on it. Today, I had an omelette for breakfast, then 2 apples during the day, and in the evening we went to I.K.E.A. for a change of scenery for DS and I had some salmon with DS' french fries as my veggies didn't look appealing. And half a piece of cake :) I am thinking that I am going to have half of pomelo and call it a night.
Oh, and before I forget, we I have been telling DS that mommy has a baby in the tummy. So today, as I was lying on the couch, I asked him where the baby is and he pointed to my tummy. Yei!!! He is the best!!! So I am thinking that I will use this trick when the time comes to tell others about our second little miracle. :)
When I got into the u/s room and started talking to the doc, I went a it on offensive, as I still didn't have OBGYN. She was reluctant to take me on the spot, and said that her office has control over patient intake, but that she will make a note on my chart and send it over to her office. When I got home, I called my family doctor and asked her nurse to send a referral to that OBGYN's office right away with the note that the patient spoke to Dr. L in the morning, and she did.
This morning, I called my family doctor again, and the nurse said that they haven't heard from Dr. L's office, so I called myself, and after some convincing and begging, I got myself an OBGYN!!! Since I am over 11 weeks, the first order of business was to call and schedule a NT scan. Scheduled for THIS Thursday. Yei!!! and then the first meeting with Dr. L on Feb. 25, the day before our trip. Exciting!
I have been a bit busy with the new office and trying to incorporate my existing practice with assisting another lawyer. What didn't help, is my extreme tiredness, and very bad nausea. The nausea just doesn't go away, it is almost constant. I have barely eaten anything in the past 3 days. It was so bad last night that I was just lying on the couch all evening (and before that I fell asleep on the couch while DH played with DS) and could only stomach a toasted bagel without anything on it. Today, I had an omelette for breakfast, then 2 apples during the day, and in the evening we went to I.K.E.A. for a change of scenery for DS and I had some salmon with DS' french fries as my veggies didn't look appealing. And half a piece of cake :) I am thinking that I am going to have half of pomelo and call it a night.
Oh, and before I forget,
Friday, January 24, 2014
I thought we lost the baby.....
The whole week I was feeling yacky. It has been very cold outside, so I was cold, plus I was constantly nauseous and was getting a cold that DS has as well. Haven't done much work on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday, but otherwise it seemed like a regular week.
The added bonus on Wednesday (Jan. 22) was that DH had to drive his brother's family to the airport at 6 a.m. so neither of us had much sleep and we were exhausted all day. DH and I left the office as usual and were on the way to pick up DS from daycare. We were discussing our plans for dinner and decided that after we pick up DS we would get some take out at a new restaurant that we wanted to try for a while. When we both pick up DS from daycare, DH usually stays in the car and I go inside to get him dressed. Same story on Wednesday. As I was bending over to dress DS, I could feel that something was leaking. It got me worried as it felt way more than just regular daily mucus. I picked up DS to carry him to the car as it was very cold outside and felt another stronger gush. DH went out of the car to help me and put DS into his car seat, when everyone were inside, I told DH that we have to go straight home as something wasn't right.
The moment we opened the front door, I hurried upstairs to the bathroom. I was expecting to see a lot of white mucus, but my underwear were soaked with blood. I sat down on the toiled and felt that I passed something. I looked inside and there was a huge clot the size of an orange. I screamed for DH who ran upstairs. I told him that it was all over....
We were deciding what to do and he took a picture as the size of this thing was scary. As I was standing I started bleeding heavily with blood dripping down my legs, so DH put me back on the toilet and hurried downstairs to take care of DS. To my horror, I passed another huge clot, and there was lots of blood in the toilet bowl. After washing myself (and the floor), I went downstairs to talk to DH what to do. There was no doubt in my mind that we lost the baby. I just couldn't comprehend that after everything that came out, there was something left. I called my parents to break the news, and was told to go to emergency right away as there might have been pieces left that needed cleaning. I told my mom that we had an appointment on Friday at the early pregnancy clinic, but she was adamant that we went right away. I really didn't want to go to ER as the wait is always long, so I called tele.health, the services that connects you to a registered nurse who asks a million questions and tells you what is the best course of action for you.
I was on the phone with her for 15-20 minutes. I mostly stopped bleeding, and the only symptom that I had was that I was still nauseous. To my surprise after she finished collecting information she told me to go directly to the hospital NOW, and if I couldn't get someone to drive me, call 911 for an ambulance. So I called my parents and asked for my mom to come over to babysit DS and put him to bed for the night. She came in about 20 min and we were on our way.
DH dropped me off at ER and went to park the car. There were many people in the waiting room, and it appeared that we it was the wait for a triage nurse. It took us about 30 minutes to see a triage nurse who was completely useless, she would ask a question, I would answer, but if I wanted to tell her something or asked a questions, she just plain ignored me. My blood pressure was a bit high, and by that point I was feeling very dizzy and lightheaded. I cried a bit here and there as the severity of what happened started to get to me.
After finishing with triage nurse and registering, we were sent to a yellow area of the ER. There after a short wait, a nurse took my vitals and blood. My pressure was better, and she commented that it is normal for people to have higher blood pressure when they arrive to the ER. After that we were finally put into a room. Well... it looked more like a closet, and DH was feeling claustrophobic. I, on the other hand, was fine. There we waited and waited and waited. Then a resident came in. She listened to our story, checked my tummy for pain and said that she and the doc on call would want to do an internal exam and an u/s. She left and came back with two glasses of water for me to drink to have an u/s done. I finished those quick and waited some more. People were coming and going. First a doctor came in, but he was looking for someone else. The a nurse came in looking for the resident. After about 40 min, I could feel that all the water was were it was supposed to, so I sent DH to investigate. We opened the door a bit and he was on a look out for the resident or the nurse that was taking care of us.
It turned out that the resident was nowhere in site and the nurses couldn't find her. Nice... Then another nurse came (who wasn't taking care of me) and said that they need a room so we should wait in the waiting room. DH got pissed of at her, told her that we have been waiting for an hour for an u/s and that I was very uncomfortable and in no way I am going into the waiting area. Thankfully, another nurse arrived to our rescue and we just moved a couple of rooms down the hall. That room didn't have a door but a curtain, which was open. So more air was coming in, plus we could see what was going on.
We were happy to finally see an u/s machine, but it was rolled past our room into the neghbouring room. Ugh... Then the resident appeared and was told that the u/s is just in the next room. In a few minutes, we finally had the resident, the doctor and the u/s machine in our room. When the doctor started looking and saying what he was saying, his words didn't resonate with me. His first words were "I see an in-uterine pregnancy". I was in shock. He said he can see the baby and the heart beat. I asked him for the measurements and he said that he couldn't measure on the bedside u/s machine and it can only be done on the normal machine, so he can schedule an u/s for me for the next day. I told him that I had an appointment on Friday at the early pregnancy clinic, so I didn't really need on on Thursday. He agreed. DH also asked him about the chances of miscarriage and was pissed when the doctor told him it can be 0 or 100% only time will tell. He told us no lifting anything heavy and no sex.
Overall, we didn't do that bad. We were at the hospital for a bit over 3 hours, and I was preparing spending the entire night there (I've heard stories).
Thursday, I spent home in bed or on the couch, sleeping or watching movies. I wanted to take it easy to help my little fighter as much as I could. DH took the baby to MIL and I only spent an hour or so with him in the evening.
Today (Friday) was our second u/s. I was nervous. In addition, DH's brother schedule an appointment for their mother at pretty much the same time. He forgot that he was away on vacation, and didn't ask us if we had a conflict. My apt was for 9:30 and MIL's was for 9:45. Thankfully, at the same hospital. So the plan was that we would leave early, leave MIL in her doc's reception, go to my apt about 9:15 and pray that we get to go in early, and if it will take a bit longer, DH would just leave and go to MIL.
It was a nice plan, but it didn't work out. We got to MIL's reception and they sent her for an X-ray right away. There was no point for me to stick around there, so I went upstairs by myself. MIL is like a baby and doesn't speak English so she needs someone next to her all the time. I was able to go upstairs and talk to a nurse. As I sat down to wait, the doctor took another patient, so I called DH and he said the are also waiting for X-ray with another person ahead of them. I was hoping he was done and he can come up, but no luck. The doc called me right away. I retold her my story, and she said that all labs that were done on Wednesday are good. She said that she would try with trans-abdominal u/s and then if it doesn't work, she will do trans-vaginal. She was able to see the baby right away. Knowing that I was anxious, she turned the screen my way, and told me that the baby is doing great. There is a heart beat (didn't tell me how fast) and that the baby was measuring 8w6d. Which was great news as exactly two weeks ago, he was measuring 6w2d, and according to my LMP I am 9 weeks even. She said that the chance of miscarriage is minimal as the baby is growing the way he is supposed to and has a heart beat. She even printed a picture (which is not clear, but it still is a picture). She said that if it would make me feel better, she wants me to schedule another u/s in 2 weeks, if I don't get an appointment with OBGYN by that point. She also said that if the bleeding increases, I can call the clinic and schedule another appointment much sooner.
She looked around for the cause of the bleeding and clotting, but couldn't find anything. There was something that she thought she saw, but after taking a closer look everything seemed normal. She gave me one possible explanation, but I didn't really understand what she was talking about.
Needless to say, I was happy and sooooo relieved. I took the picture, made the next appointment and hurried to give good news to DH. He was upset that he missed the u/s, but happy that everything seemed ok.
We spent another hour at the hospital dealing with MIL and then DH dropped me at home, so I could keep it easy for another day. I am thinking if there will be no episodes during the weekend, I'll be back to the office on Monday. Luckily, I am working for myself and can choose my own schedule.
I have been very careful about not lifting DS at all. So DH is getting up early to help me get DS ready in the morning. Lets see how long that will last.
Hopefully, I'll be back with a post in 2 weeks about our 11 week baby.
The added bonus on Wednesday (Jan. 22) was that DH had to drive his brother's family to the airport at 6 a.m. so neither of us had much sleep and we were exhausted all day. DH and I left the office as usual and were on the way to pick up DS from daycare. We were discussing our plans for dinner and decided that after we pick up DS we would get some take out at a new restaurant that we wanted to try for a while. When we both pick up DS from daycare, DH usually stays in the car and I go inside to get him dressed. Same story on Wednesday. As I was bending over to dress DS, I could feel that something was leaking. It got me worried as it felt way more than just regular daily mucus. I picked up DS to carry him to the car as it was very cold outside and felt another stronger gush. DH went out of the car to help me and put DS into his car seat, when everyone were inside, I told DH that we have to go straight home as something wasn't right.
The moment we opened the front door, I hurried upstairs to the bathroom. I was expecting to see a lot of white mucus, but my underwear were soaked with blood. I sat down on the toiled and felt that I passed something. I looked inside and there was a huge clot the size of an orange. I screamed for DH who ran upstairs. I told him that it was all over....
We were deciding what to do and he took a picture as the size of this thing was scary. As I was standing I started bleeding heavily with blood dripping down my legs, so DH put me back on the toilet and hurried downstairs to take care of DS. To my horror, I passed another huge clot, and there was lots of blood in the toilet bowl. After washing myself (and the floor), I went downstairs to talk to DH what to do. There was no doubt in my mind that we lost the baby. I just couldn't comprehend that after everything that came out, there was something left. I called my parents to break the news, and was told to go to emergency right away as there might have been pieces left that needed cleaning. I told my mom that we had an appointment on Friday at the early pregnancy clinic, but she was adamant that we went right away. I really didn't want to go to ER as the wait is always long, so I called tele.health, the services that connects you to a registered nurse who asks a million questions and tells you what is the best course of action for you.
I was on the phone with her for 15-20 minutes. I mostly stopped bleeding, and the only symptom that I had was that I was still nauseous. To my surprise after she finished collecting information she told me to go directly to the hospital NOW, and if I couldn't get someone to drive me, call 911 for an ambulance. So I called my parents and asked for my mom to come over to babysit DS and put him to bed for the night. She came in about 20 min and we were on our way.
DH dropped me off at ER and went to park the car. There were many people in the waiting room, and it appeared that we it was the wait for a triage nurse. It took us about 30 minutes to see a triage nurse who was completely useless, she would ask a question, I would answer, but if I wanted to tell her something or asked a questions, she just plain ignored me. My blood pressure was a bit high, and by that point I was feeling very dizzy and lightheaded. I cried a bit here and there as the severity of what happened started to get to me.
After finishing with triage nurse and registering, we were sent to a yellow area of the ER. There after a short wait, a nurse took my vitals and blood. My pressure was better, and she commented that it is normal for people to have higher blood pressure when they arrive to the ER. After that we were finally put into a room. Well... it looked more like a closet, and DH was feeling claustrophobic. I, on the other hand, was fine. There we waited and waited and waited. Then a resident came in. She listened to our story, checked my tummy for pain and said that she and the doc on call would want to do an internal exam and an u/s. She left and came back with two glasses of water for me to drink to have an u/s done. I finished those quick and waited some more. People were coming and going. First a doctor came in, but he was looking for someone else. The a nurse came in looking for the resident. After about 40 min, I could feel that all the water was were it was supposed to, so I sent DH to investigate. We opened the door a bit and he was on a look out for the resident or the nurse that was taking care of us.
It turned out that the resident was nowhere in site and the nurses couldn't find her. Nice... Then another nurse came (who wasn't taking care of me) and said that they need a room so we should wait in the waiting room. DH got pissed of at her, told her that we have been waiting for an hour for an u/s and that I was very uncomfortable and in no way I am going into the waiting area. Thankfully, another nurse arrived to our rescue and we just moved a couple of rooms down the hall. That room didn't have a door but a curtain, which was open. So more air was coming in, plus we could see what was going on.
We were happy to finally see an u/s machine, but it was rolled past our room into the neghbouring room. Ugh... Then the resident appeared and was told that the u/s is just in the next room. In a few minutes, we finally had the resident, the doctor and the u/s machine in our room. When the doctor started looking and saying what he was saying, his words didn't resonate with me. His first words were "I see an in-uterine pregnancy". I was in shock. He said he can see the baby and the heart beat. I asked him for the measurements and he said that he couldn't measure on the bedside u/s machine and it can only be done on the normal machine, so he can schedule an u/s for me for the next day. I told him that I had an appointment on Friday at the early pregnancy clinic, so I didn't really need on on Thursday. He agreed. DH also asked him about the chances of miscarriage and was pissed when the doctor told him it can be 0 or 100% only time will tell. He told us no lifting anything heavy and no sex.
Overall, we didn't do that bad. We were at the hospital for a bit over 3 hours, and I was preparing spending the entire night there (I've heard stories).
Thursday, I spent home in bed or on the couch, sleeping or watching movies. I wanted to take it easy to help my little fighter as much as I could. DH took the baby to MIL and I only spent an hour or so with him in the evening.
Today (Friday) was our second u/s. I was nervous. In addition, DH's brother schedule an appointment for their mother at pretty much the same time. He forgot that he was away on vacation, and didn't ask us if we had a conflict. My apt was for 9:30 and MIL's was for 9:45. Thankfully, at the same hospital. So the plan was that we would leave early, leave MIL in her doc's reception, go to my apt about 9:15 and pray that we get to go in early, and if it will take a bit longer, DH would just leave and go to MIL.
It was a nice plan, but it didn't work out. We got to MIL's reception and they sent her for an X-ray right away. There was no point for me to stick around there, so I went upstairs by myself. MIL is like a baby and doesn't speak English so she needs someone next to her all the time. I was able to go upstairs and talk to a nurse. As I sat down to wait, the doctor took another patient, so I called DH and he said the are also waiting for X-ray with another person ahead of them. I was hoping he was done and he can come up, but no luck. The doc called me right away. I retold her my story, and she said that all labs that were done on Wednesday are good. She said that she would try with trans-abdominal u/s and then if it doesn't work, she will do trans-vaginal. She was able to see the baby right away. Knowing that I was anxious, she turned the screen my way, and told me that the baby is doing great. There is a heart beat (didn't tell me how fast) and that the baby was measuring 8w6d. Which was great news as exactly two weeks ago, he was measuring 6w2d, and according to my LMP I am 9 weeks even. She said that the chance of miscarriage is minimal as the baby is growing the way he is supposed to and has a heart beat. She even printed a picture (which is not clear, but it still is a picture). She said that if it would make me feel better, she wants me to schedule another u/s in 2 weeks, if I don't get an appointment with OBGYN by that point. She also said that if the bleeding increases, I can call the clinic and schedule another appointment much sooner.
She looked around for the cause of the bleeding and clotting, but couldn't find anything. There was something that she thought she saw, but after taking a closer look everything seemed normal. She gave me one possible explanation, but I didn't really understand what she was talking about.
Needless to say, I was happy and sooooo relieved. I took the picture, made the next appointment and hurried to give good news to DH. He was upset that he missed the u/s, but happy that everything seemed ok.
We spent another hour at the hospital dealing with MIL and then DH dropped me at home, so I could keep it easy for another day. I am thinking if there will be no episodes during the weekend, I'll be back to the office on Monday. Luckily, I am working for myself and can choose my own schedule.
I have been very careful about not lifting DS at all. So DH is getting up early to help me get DS ready in the morning. Lets see how long that will last.
Hopefully, I'll be back with a post in 2 weeks about our 11 week baby.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Relieved....our 2nd ultrasound
on Friday (January 10th) was our second u/s. I was so nervous. I have been feeling very nauseous most of the time, but who knows what is going on inside.
The night was rough as DS woke up at 4:30 a.m. All 3 of us had drinks of water, then around 5 a.m. I remembered that I forgot to move laundry from washer to drier, and since the laundry was for DS, I dragged my butt out of bed and went downstairs to start the drier. By the time I got back to bed, neither DH nor I could fall asleep, and once we dowsed off around 6 a.m., DS woke up again, this time for good.
I managed to get DS ready for daycare while DH prepared breakfast. DH drove DS to day care and we left for the hospital. Of course, we left about 10-15 min after the time I plan to leave, and with the traffic it was one stressful drive from me (DH only freaked out on me once, but I was stressing the whole way to the hospital). We parked the car 2 min before our scheduled time and rushed upstairs.
The early pregnancy assessment clinic is a floor above the labour/mommy-and-baby floor, and for some reason shares a floor with genetics department. There was just another couple sitting in the reception, but once we checked in, I was called by the doctor right away. The doctor was the one performing u/s. She did an abdominal u/s first and said that she can see something but it is not clear. She said that the gestational sack is bigger than it was at my first u/s (she had notes from the other hospital), so she asked me if I didn't mind to do a trans.vaginal u/s, like that can scare me! I told her that since we started TTC for our first one in 2006, there have been as many people in there as through a train station. It made her smile.
Once I was back with an empty bladder and the wandy thing was in, I could see that she could see much better. Although, I could only see with a corner of my eye. DH was beaming as he exclaimed I can see the baby. That brought a relief. I saw at one point that the screen looked like the doctor was checking heart beat (the all wavy screen), but I was sure that she would not see anything. She then turned the screen toward me and showed me the gestational sac, the yolk sac, and the baby... and the heartbeat... There was a little flicker in the baby... I laughed from joy and the picture on the screen shook :)
Then came the news.... the baby is measuring 6w2d and as per my LMP I should have been 7 weeks even. The heart beat was at 110 and the doctor said that it probably just started beating not that long ago. I had very mixed feelings after that u/s. First, as I was looking at a calendar for LMP November 22, and it said that an u/s heartbeat can first be detected on January 7, as I knew that I am behind, I was sure that we would not see any, but it was such a treat to see it! Seeing DH's beaming face brought back memories of when he saw our first baby for the first time on u/s screen. Then, I have some concerns. At 6w5d DS heartbeat was 129, and some googling that I've done put a cut off at 110 for a viable pregnancy. Scary... But I keep telling myself that this is a natural pregnancy, so I don't know when I ovulated, when the embryo was formed and implanted, those were not as certain as with my FET procedure where we were very sure of the day. I could have ovulated later than standard 14 week, so I can be right on time. Plus, someone sent me this link that calmed me down a bit more. http://www.countdownmypregnancy.com/pregnancy/heartbeat.php
The next u/s is booked in two weeks, on Friday, January 24th, to ensure that the baby is developing normally i.e. since he was at 6w2d on the 10th, he should be measuring 8w2d on the 24th, as now they have a point of reference. Fingers crossed.
The night was rough as DS woke up at 4:30 a.m. All 3 of us had drinks of water, then around 5 a.m. I remembered that I forgot to move laundry from washer to drier, and since the laundry was for DS, I dragged my butt out of bed and went downstairs to start the drier. By the time I got back to bed, neither DH nor I could fall asleep, and once we dowsed off around 6 a.m., DS woke up again, this time for good.
I managed to get DS ready for daycare while DH prepared breakfast. DH drove DS to day care and we left for the hospital. Of course, we left about 10-15 min after the time I plan to leave, and with the traffic it was one stressful drive from me (DH only freaked out on me once, but I was stressing the whole way to the hospital). We parked the car 2 min before our scheduled time and rushed upstairs.
The early pregnancy assessment clinic is a floor above the labour/mommy-and-baby floor, and for some reason shares a floor with genetics department. There was just another couple sitting in the reception, but once we checked in, I was called by the doctor right away. The doctor was the one performing u/s. She did an abdominal u/s first and said that she can see something but it is not clear. She said that the gestational sack is bigger than it was at my first u/s (she had notes from the other hospital), so she asked me if I didn't mind to do a trans.vaginal u/s, like that can scare me! I told her that since we started TTC for our first one in 2006, there have been as many people in there as through a train station. It made her smile.
Once I was back with an empty bladder and the wandy thing was in, I could see that she could see much better. Although, I could only see with a corner of my eye. DH was beaming as he exclaimed I can see the baby. That brought a relief. I saw at one point that the screen looked like the doctor was checking heart beat (the all wavy screen), but I was sure that she would not see anything. She then turned the screen toward me and showed me the gestational sac, the yolk sac, and the baby... and the heartbeat... There was a little flicker in the baby... I laughed from joy and the picture on the screen shook :)
Then came the news.... the baby is measuring 6w2d and as per my LMP I should have been 7 weeks even. The heart beat was at 110 and the doctor said that it probably just started beating not that long ago. I had very mixed feelings after that u/s. First, as I was looking at a calendar for LMP November 22, and it said that an u/s heartbeat can first be detected on January 7, as I knew that I am behind, I was sure that we would not see any, but it was such a treat to see it! Seeing DH's beaming face brought back memories of when he saw our first baby for the first time on u/s screen. Then, I have some concerns. At 6w5d DS heartbeat was 129, and some googling that I've done put a cut off at 110 for a viable pregnancy. Scary... But I keep telling myself that this is a natural pregnancy, so I don't know when I ovulated, when the embryo was formed and implanted, those were not as certain as with my FET procedure where we were very sure of the day. I could have ovulated later than standard 14 week, so I can be right on time. Plus, someone sent me this link that calmed me down a bit more. http://www.countdownmypregnancy.com/pregnancy/heartbeat.php
The next u/s is booked in two weeks, on Friday, January 24th, to ensure that the baby is developing normally i.e. since he was at 6w2d on the 10th, he should be measuring 8w2d on the 24th, as now they have a point of reference. Fingers crossed.
Monday, January 6, 2014
A Little Update
I am still spotting on and off, but it is mostly light brown, so I am trying to remain calm.
Last week I got a call from the early pregnancy clinic and they scheduled an ultra sound for January 10 (this Friday), so I didn't go to the walk-in clinic today and didn't contact my RE's office. I think it is better if this clinic follows me, and may be they can refer me to an OBGYN as my old one retired. I loved Dr. N. I've never waited more than 15 min. There were barely any people in his waiting room which was tiny, and he only had on examination room.
The nausea hit already, I have been feeling pretty nauseous for the past couple of days. I still can stomach most of the food that DH prepares and can still brush my teeth without gagging, which is a good thing. Only other symptoms are very full breast to the point that they hurt. Can't wait to breast feed again. I hope it will be easier at the start than with DH.
This morning I wanted to do another HPT test, as I haven't done one in a while. So I went into a drawer and realized that there was only one left. I still did it just to get it out of my system. It was an amazing site. The second line appeared instantaneously and it was darker than a control line. I am taking it as a good thing and it makes it easier to wait until u/s on Friday.
I wanted to share something else, which is kind of funny. A week or so before I found out that I was pregnant, my mom saw on TV that it brings luck if you take 5 bay leaves, tie them up with a red string and hang them above the entrance door to the house. I did it just for the heck of it, as there were a lot of difficult situations in our lives around that time (as DH put it, "I can't wait for 2013 to be over with all the bed things that happened to us). So when I did it, and told DH what it is for, he said that if that thing gets up pregnant, he will put those bay leaves all over the house. Well... surprise, surprise, we got pregnant. I got more bay leaves from my mom, and could do another bunch that DH hang on top of our garage entrance. I wanted to do more, but DH didn't realize that it has to be 5 leaves, and used some the night before. :) We are trying to keep our luck going.
So this is it for tonight, and I'll post again after our u/s on Friday.
Last week I got a call from the early pregnancy clinic and they scheduled an ultra sound for January 10 (this Friday), so I didn't go to the walk-in clinic today and didn't contact my RE's office. I think it is better if this clinic follows me, and may be they can refer me to an OBGYN as my old one retired. I loved Dr. N. I've never waited more than 15 min. There were barely any people in his waiting room which was tiny, and he only had on examination room.
The nausea hit already, I have been feeling pretty nauseous for the past couple of days. I still can stomach most of the food that DH prepares and can still brush my teeth without gagging, which is a good thing. Only other symptoms are very full breast to the point that they hurt. Can't wait to breast feed again. I hope it will be easier at the start than with DH.
This morning I wanted to do another HPT test, as I haven't done one in a while. So I went into a drawer and realized that there was only one left. I still did it just to get it out of my system. It was an amazing site. The second line appeared instantaneously and it was darker than a control line. I am taking it as a good thing and it makes it easier to wait until u/s on Friday.
I wanted to share something else, which is kind of funny. A week or so before I found out that I was pregnant, my mom saw on TV that it brings luck if you take 5 bay leaves, tie them up with a red string and hang them above the entrance door to the house. I did it just for the heck of it, as there were a lot of difficult situations in our lives around that time (as DH put it, "I can't wait for 2013 to be over with all the bed things that happened to us). So when I did it, and told DH what it is for, he said that if that thing gets up pregnant, he will put those bay leaves all over the house. Well... surprise, surprise, we got pregnant. I got more bay leaves from my mom, and could do another bunch that DH hang on top of our garage entrance. I wanted to do more, but DH didn't realize that it has to be 5 leaves, and used some the night before. :) We are trying to keep our luck going.
So this is it for tonight, and I'll post again after our u/s on Friday.
Monday, December 30, 2013
The scare and uncertainty...
Everything was going nicely. I did another HPT on 26th
and then another on 28th, all of which showed two lines and the one on the 28th
even looked darker. Then, yesterday morning (29th) I went to the washroom,
wiped and saw blood.... My heart just sank. I screamed to get my husband
to the bathroom, and he just knew that something was wrong. His first
words were actually if I am bleeding. I saw a little blood clot in the
washroom. I was devastated.... I tried to keep positive, most important
is the fact that we did it NATURALLY, so it can happen again, may be with IUI
but we do have a real chance now.
I was down for the entire day... as the
day progressed the pinkish blood turned to brown discharges that I am still
getting. My fertility clinic is closed, my OBGYN's office is closed
(forever, as he retired) and my family doctor's office is closed. So this
morning I called an early pregnancy clinic and they recommended I go to a
walk-in. I did.
I spent over 6 hours there. And I
cannot tell you if it was worth it or not as I have more questions than
answers.
First was the blood draw that they had to
send to the main hospital to get quantitative beta. Then I had an u/s.
I waited for it for an hour, and then they asked me if my bladder was
full. Which was a joke! as when I came in they asked me to pee in a cup (which
I couldn't do, and they kind of dropped it). I had nothing to drink since
I got to the clinic. So they gave me water and I waited for another 30 min.
The u/s tech was nice. She did an abdominal u/s first, but couldn't
see much, so asked for a vaginal one. I said sure as I had tons of them before.
She said she can see a gestational sac but since its tiny she can't see
anything inside. The sac was measuring at 4 mm and she said that it is the
right side for my LMP.
After u/s I went back into the waiting
room to wait for test results. At around 3 p.m. I decided to get out of
the clinic and buy something to eat, when the nurse assured me that they still
didn't have my results and doctor will not be looking for me, so I went out,
but the stupid cafeteria was closed already. I haven't eaten since 9 a.m.
The good thing was that I made many friends, and once I complained that I
haven't eaten all day, one lady gave me a banana. :)
So I was at the clinic since 11 a.m. and
spent most of the time in the waiting room. I watched 2 episodes of C-S-I
Mia.mi and Crim.inal Mi.nds. Then there were some kind of real life
series about cops that was a big boring, so I started wondering around the
hospital. Closer to 5 p.m. the nurse told me that the results came in.
She told me the number, and I couldn't believe it. The beta was
1,940. I asked her twice as I was expecting my beta's to be over 10,000 as I was 5w3d pregnant according to a calculator based on my LMP. The nurse said that it was within the acceptable range for 5 weeks, but that didn't make me feel any better.
I met with a doctor shortly thereafter, and he told me that the u/s shows the signs of an early pregnancy and its still too early to say if it is viable. He referred me to an early pregnancy clinic and also said that he wants me to repeat the u/s next Monday (January 6). He said it is normal for women to spot during pregnancy and only time will tell if this will work.
As I was sitting in the hallway waiting for DH & DS to pick me up and googling the hell out of all the numbers, I also started reading the u/s report, and it looks like the sac is measuring just under 5 weeks. That made me feel really down. Coupled with low beta numbers at 5w3d, things didn't look too promising.
Then when I got home, I looked at my tracking app, and it looks like I might have ovulated later than the standard cd14. So I can be as early as 21dpo to 24dpo. I remember that my RE wants to see a result of 500 at 14dp5dt (which is 19dpo), so if we assume regular doubling time, 1,000 at 21dpo, and 2,000 at 23 dpo. Which means that my numbers are not that far off. That makes me feel a bit more optimistic about this thing, but I think I need some prayers going my way for this to actually work out.
My mood has been up and down for the past couple of days. I am mentally exhausted from spending the whole day at the hospital. Ugh.... But I just had to know! Plus when I got home, my pad showed much more brown discharge than usual. I hope that it was caused by the vaginal u/s.
So that's were we are for now, in somewhat limbo place, hoping and praying for this miracle baby to join our family in late August.
Christmas present story....
What happened on Christmas morning is nothing short of a miracle, and since we are Jewish, we don't really celebrate Christmas at all.
I was in my first cycle after our failed FET, looking back at my tracking app we did BDed twice sometime around ovulation, mostly for exercise purposes for when I start temping in the new year. It was getting close to my AF and she was nowhere to be seen. Every time I wiped expecting some blood, there were none. A little tiny thought came into my head.... may be.... but I sent it away. There is no chance in hell after going through years of infertility the universe would allow us to get pregnancy like that... without doctors, without drugs, without pretty much anything.
Well, by Tuesday morning I decided to take an HPT (since we have tons of internet cheap ones). So I did, I was watching this thing like a hawk. I could see the liquid going through the test and it is getting tinted. The control line appeared, and then within seconds I saw what looked like a second line. I think I said a few swear words at that moment.
I did another test just to make sure, as never in a million years I expected it to have a second line. We were not that lucky. So when the second one worked, and after a few minutes there were definitely 2 lines on both, I took both tests and woke up DH. His reaction "This is not true" I had tears in my eyes from him being so negative. He was trying to explain to me that it cannot happen and there must be something wrong, I am probably not pregnant and something else is causing it or it is a faulty test. I did tell him that if the line is there it is possible. Notwithstanding whether it is a viable pregnancy, ectopic or chemical pregnancy, I AM PREGNANT! He didn't believe me.
That morning we went to my sis house. I asked DH if I can tell her and he said no. But when we were there. He said, "show her the picture". And I did. My sis and BIL were extremely happy for us, we hugged and cried, and both of them convinced DH that it is actually real!
Since we told my sis and BIL, DH wanted to tell his immediate family, and we were going there for dinner anyways. But before that I wanted my parents to know, so I called my mom and told her :) This way, there would be no upsets from my side of the family.
Everyone were exited. So for now only immediate family knows, our parents and our siblings. We are keeping it this way.
I was in my first cycle after our failed FET, looking back at my tracking app we did BDed twice sometime around ovulation, mostly for exercise purposes for when I start temping in the new year. It was getting close to my AF and she was nowhere to be seen. Every time I wiped expecting some blood, there were none. A little tiny thought came into my head.... may be.... but I sent it away. There is no chance in hell after going through years of infertility the universe would allow us to get pregnancy like that... without doctors, without drugs, without pretty much anything.
Well, by Tuesday morning I decided to take an HPT (since we have tons of internet cheap ones). So I did, I was watching this thing like a hawk. I could see the liquid going through the test and it is getting tinted. The control line appeared, and then within seconds I saw what looked like a second line. I think I said a few swear words at that moment.
I did another test just to make sure, as never in a million years I expected it to have a second line. We were not that lucky. So when the second one worked, and after a few minutes there were definitely 2 lines on both, I took both tests and woke up DH. His reaction "This is not true" I had tears in my eyes from him being so negative. He was trying to explain to me that it cannot happen and there must be something wrong, I am probably not pregnant and something else is causing it or it is a faulty test. I did tell him that if the line is there it is possible. Notwithstanding whether it is a viable pregnancy, ectopic or chemical pregnancy, I AM PREGNANT! He didn't believe me.
That morning we went to my sis house. I asked DH if I can tell her and he said no. But when we were there. He said, "show her the picture". And I did. My sis and BIL were extremely happy for us, we hugged and cried, and both of them convinced DH that it is actually real!
Since we told my sis and BIL, DH wanted to tell his immediate family, and we were going there for dinner anyways. But before that I wanted my parents to know, so I called my mom and told her :) This way, there would be no upsets from my side of the family.
Everyone were exited. So for now only immediate family knows, our parents and our siblings. We are keeping it this way.
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
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Monday, November 18, 2013
Back to square one :(
Today was my beta day...
We watched TV until very late last night and then I couldn't fall asleep. I woke up before my alarm clock and just tossed and turned, so I barely had 4 hours of sleep. At 6 a.m. DS was not sleeping so I stayed with him for about 5 min after I took a quick shower and got ready. I was hoping he would fall back asleep, but when I left his room and looked at the monitor, his eyes were wide open. The blessing was that he was not crying so DH could still catch a few winks before getting up with him at 7:15 a.m.
My sis picked me up and I took a train downtown. We didn't tell the family (well mostly we didn't, my mom and BIL knew), so I just told her that I need to do more tests and she asked me if afterwords they will tell me if I can do a transfer. When I got into the elevator to go up to my clinic, there was another girl there with me. She got out on the same floor and it turned out that we both were going to the same place. It also turned out that she was the girl who did her transfer at the same time as me. We chatted for a bit waiting for blood work, and while having our blood work done. She gave me a hug and we agreed to meet at the clinic on Wednesday for our second beta tests. I really hope that even though I am not going to be there, that she is, her story is sad and I really wish her a BFP.
I called DH on my way to the subway to tell him that it is out of my hands now and headed to the office. He picked me up from the subway, and we tried to joke around a bit, although the thought of our future getting decided weighted heavily on our shoulders. Even the sky was ominously grey with only limited amount of sun rays getting through. DH noted that the sky is so resembling our situation.
We got to the office, I took all my drugs and made a couple of phone calls. Of course I couldn't concentrate. Close to noon, DH asked if I wanted to eat, and I told him that I couldn't put anything in my mouth at that time as I was too nervous. I was on another call when the second line beeped and it was REs office. I tried to finish the conversation quick, but I did miss that call. I ran into DH's office and told him to come over as they called. BIL came over as well, and three of us sat around my desk listening to the message. As I was dialing the number, to calm myself a bit I said that if it's bad news so be it. It was. The beta came back negative and I was to stop all medication. :(
I was holding pretty good. No tears. BIL told us to keep it together and quickly retrieved to give us some alone time to grief. I could see that DH was also on the verge of tears, but he doesn't cry (I saw him cry only once during our 12 year relationship, and that was when his father passed away). We talked a few times over the next couple of hours as I was emailing the clinic to set up WTF appointment and a few tests ahead of that. The appointment was scheduled for January 28 - a long time away.
Since BIL was with us, there was one more person who knew what's going on and deserved to know the result - my mom. I couldn't bring myself to call her, as every time I would think about it I would cry. So I asked DH to call her and he did. I also messaged sis with the news so she wouldn't ask anymore questions about when our transfer is going to be.
I left the office shortly thereafter, went to a store to buy some stuff for DH and then home to update everyone in my e-community. I did talk to one client at home and had a short nap before picking up LO from day care. I ended up spending about 20 min at daycare as there were only 3 kids there and they were drawing, so I let my LO to hang around a bit longer.
Once we got home and got undressed, I hugged him really tight and kissed him all over. He is my little miracle, my everything. I don't know how I would have handled this failure if he wasn't in our lives. DH was not home, and surprisingly my LO let me hold on to him for much longer than usually. I wasn't really crying, but I was not in a happy place. DH was running late so my LO and I spent the entire evening playing and dancing together. I don't care now if I am holding him and dancing with him, as my uterus is empty. He was laughing so hard and I would do anything for his laugh.
So what are we up to now... our immediate future - I will start temping and we will try the old fashion way. As well will try to lose some more weight - 2 kg loss so far (but I finished half of the box of chocolates while I was home alone, so I am not sure how that will effect my weight). I am trying to get requisition for DH to do a SA before our apt with our RE as we want to discuss real options and not hypotheticals. If his count is up, we can try IUIs before moving into IVF #3. We are thinking 3 IUIs but I guess it will all depend on his number pre and post wash. Ugh.... I can't believe we are at this place again. Why can't we just get a F-ing break for once!!!!! I am angry!!! I want DS to have a sibling who is very close to him in age, like me and my sis and like DH and his brother, but DS is turning 2 years old in 4 months, and what are the chances of us getting pregnant before his second birthday to have at least 3 years difference. I am pissed, but there is nothing I can do right now to change it. I just want my family to be complete. I have to acknowledge the fact that it will not happen on my terms and let the life take over. Can I do that? Not now. I am hoping the relief will come with AF, whenever she decides to show, as I have been on a LOT of hormones lately. AND YES, I do have the stupid pregnancy symptoms still, sore boobies, nausea, cramping and tiredness. Hmmm.... may be the clinic made a mistake? and I am pregnant...... unfortunately that doesn't happen in real life and the sooner I get AF the better.
Anyways, I guess the journey to baby #2 is continuing...
We watched TV until very late last night and then I couldn't fall asleep. I woke up before my alarm clock and just tossed and turned, so I barely had 4 hours of sleep. At 6 a.m. DS was not sleeping so I stayed with him for about 5 min after I took a quick shower and got ready. I was hoping he would fall back asleep, but when I left his room and looked at the monitor, his eyes were wide open. The blessing was that he was not crying so DH could still catch a few winks before getting up with him at 7:15 a.m.
My sis picked me up and I took a train downtown. We didn't tell the family (well mostly we didn't, my mom and BIL knew), so I just told her that I need to do more tests and she asked me if afterwords they will tell me if I can do a transfer. When I got into the elevator to go up to my clinic, there was another girl there with me. She got out on the same floor and it turned out that we both were going to the same place. It also turned out that she was the girl who did her transfer at the same time as me. We chatted for a bit waiting for blood work, and while having our blood work done. She gave me a hug and we agreed to meet at the clinic on Wednesday for our second beta tests. I really hope that even though I am not going to be there, that she is, her story is sad and I really wish her a BFP.
I called DH on my way to the subway to tell him that it is out of my hands now and headed to the office. He picked me up from the subway, and we tried to joke around a bit, although the thought of our future getting decided weighted heavily on our shoulders. Even the sky was ominously grey with only limited amount of sun rays getting through. DH noted that the sky is so resembling our situation.
We got to the office, I took all my drugs and made a couple of phone calls. Of course I couldn't concentrate. Close to noon, DH asked if I wanted to eat, and I told him that I couldn't put anything in my mouth at that time as I was too nervous. I was on another call when the second line beeped and it was REs office. I tried to finish the conversation quick, but I did miss that call. I ran into DH's office and told him to come over as they called. BIL came over as well, and three of us sat around my desk listening to the message. As I was dialing the number, to calm myself a bit I said that if it's bad news so be it. It was. The beta came back negative and I was to stop all medication. :(
I was holding pretty good. No tears. BIL told us to keep it together and quickly retrieved to give us some alone time to grief. I could see that DH was also on the verge of tears, but he doesn't cry (I saw him cry only once during our 12 year relationship, and that was when his father passed away). We talked a few times over the next couple of hours as I was emailing the clinic to set up WTF appointment and a few tests ahead of that. The appointment was scheduled for January 28 - a long time away.
Since BIL was with us, there was one more person who knew what's going on and deserved to know the result - my mom. I couldn't bring myself to call her, as every time I would think about it I would cry. So I asked DH to call her and he did. I also messaged sis with the news so she wouldn't ask anymore questions about when our transfer is going to be.
I left the office shortly thereafter, went to a store to buy some stuff for DH and then home to update everyone in my e-community. I did talk to one client at home and had a short nap before picking up LO from day care. I ended up spending about 20 min at daycare as there were only 3 kids there and they were drawing, so I let my LO to hang around a bit longer.
Once we got home and got undressed, I hugged him really tight and kissed him all over. He is my little miracle, my everything. I don't know how I would have handled this failure if he wasn't in our lives. DH was not home, and surprisingly my LO let me hold on to him for much longer than usually. I wasn't really crying, but I was not in a happy place. DH was running late so my LO and I spent the entire evening playing and dancing together. I don't care now if I am holding him and dancing with him, as my uterus is empty. He was laughing so hard and I would do anything for his laugh.
So what are we up to now... our immediate future - I will start temping and we will try the old fashion way. As well will try to lose some more weight - 2 kg loss so far (but I finished half of the box of chocolates while I was home alone, so I am not sure how that will effect my weight). I am trying to get requisition for DH to do a SA before our apt with our RE as we want to discuss real options and not hypotheticals. If his count is up, we can try IUIs before moving into IVF #3. We are thinking 3 IUIs but I guess it will all depend on his number pre and post wash. Ugh.... I can't believe we are at this place again. Why can't we just get a F-ing break for once!!!!! I am angry!!! I want DS to have a sibling who is very close to him in age, like me and my sis and like DH and his brother, but DS is turning 2 years old in 4 months, and what are the chances of us getting pregnant before his second birthday to have at least 3 years difference. I am pissed, but there is nothing I can do right now to change it. I just want my family to be complete. I have to acknowledge the fact that it will not happen on my terms and let the life take over. Can I do that? Not now. I am hoping the relief will come with AF, whenever she decides to show, as I have been on a LOT of hormones lately. AND YES, I do have the stupid pregnancy symptoms still, sore boobies, nausea, cramping and tiredness. Hmmm.... may be the clinic made a mistake? and I am pregnant...... unfortunately that doesn't happen in real life and the sooner I get AF the better.
Anyways, I guess the journey to baby #2 is continuing...
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
My snowbabies are on board - never a dull moment - PUPO - 9dp5dt
Where did the time go? I can't believe I am already 9dp5dt! On one hand the beta test on Monday seems like it is forever away, and the transfer on November 4 was ages ago, but on the other hand, time flies! I have been busy with my own business and with trying to have as much time with DS as possible. I have been creating various excuses so I don't have to play squash with my friend or go to a yoga class with my sis, until I know...
I don't know how I feel or what I feel about this PUPO situation and the outcomes. I try not to think about it, but thoughts come to my head - sometimes happy thoughts, about BFP, both embies implanting, exciting announcements etc. sometimes I think we are going to have just one, and the other times the negative side takes over - what if it doesn't work? what's next? we can barely have the ends meet financial, as my business is just getting off the ground, I had a busy October and November, but I have no new deals for December (and nothing for after new years). It is scary... Are we going to go back to IUIs? I don't know and this is why I am trying not to think about. Although both DH and I are more relaxed this time around. We really really want another baby, but since we already have DS it seems like we will be pregnant again, when the time is right....
I should probably go back to the date of the transfer, Monday, November 4. I was a bit frustrated with my clinic as I received an email earlier the week before that told me that someone will call me on Saturday with the time of the transfer. I also had a few questions that I emailed on Thursday and no one got back to me. After I spent Saturday being glued to the phone, I sent an email directly to my RE and advised him of my frustrations. The head nurse (who was my nurse 2 years ago) replied promptly, answered my questions and told me that the scheduling nurse will be calling me on Sunday. The scheduling nurse actually emailed me in the morning, and said that she tried calling but couldn't reach me (which I think is a total BS, but whatever) so she wanted to call on Sunday morning. Well the long story short, the transfer was schedule for 11:45 and I was due at the clinic at 10:45 to get my shot. I was a bit relieved as that meant that we don't have to get anybody involved in driving DS to daycare. The only little problem was that I had to do a few things at the office and was planning to do it on Sunday night, but DH convinced me to go in before leaving for the clinic, so after having breakfast and dropping DS at daycare we headed to the office to take care of some last minute things.
The drive was uneventful, and not as bad as I was anticipating. We did hit some traffic, but DH turned on some little street and GPS took us through a different part of the City using residential streets, we circled around a bit to find parking, but we were getting out of the elevator on my clinic's floor at exactly 10:45 a.m. After checking in, I went straight to the washroom to pee so I can start my drinking for the full bladder. I KNOW my body, I KNOW I cannot start drinking before 1 hour and I cannot drink more than 500 ml bottle, as I will be in a lot of pain thereafter. So, I settled in with my water bottle waiting for us to be called in. The nurse quickly explained to DH how to give the shot (just a refresher course) and gave me my PIO injection. The nurse also went through the DON'Ts after the procedure, with one of them being "no heavy lifting". I asked her if that means I cannot lift DS who is close to 14 kg now, but she said that I can continue taking care of him and lifting him as most of the precautions are after fresh transfers as they are afraid of the ovaries that were stimulated not to twist. I later spoke with my efriends and was quickly assured that some of the ones who did get their BFPs and are pregnant now, had to take care of their little ones and carry/lift them. After talking to the nurse, we paid for the meds and asked if we need to pay for the procedure right away, but were told that the accountant was not in and there was no invoice. Perfect! With paying a few days later, the charge would not be on November bill.
We then went upstairs to the clinic which our RE uses for procedures and where our snowbabies have been having a nap for the last 2 years. We didn't wait too long at the reception, and were quickly ushered inside, where we both had to change into gowns. And then the long wait began.... I was seating in a comfy chair with my legs up, but I was getting uncomfortable as my bladder was full and was letting me know. Our "neighbours" asked the nurse about what is going on, and she said that the RE is still doing retrievals. I don't know how long we sat there. I started to read, but was falling asleep, so just decided to mediate and doze off a bit. DH was watching funny videos on his iphone and tried very hard not to laugh out loud. He was turning all red, and I told him that the sight of him makes me laugh, which I cannot do as my bladder was about to explode. He showed me the video and it wasn't THAT funny! Finally our "neighbours" were taken in and I was waiting impatiently for their procedure to finish. Something didn't go as planned as it took longer than it was supposed to and RE actually came up to them after they returned to talk to them. I wasn't eavesdropping so I don't know what happened with them, I was just happy that it was finally our turn!
The nurse came to get us and we walked into the operating room which was just across from the little "cubicle" we were occupying. The first thing that RE said is that our 5 day blast thawed beautifully and when they checked this morning it was already growing and multiplying. The second embie was apparently a day 6 freeze, so they only defrosted it this morning. He also said that is thawed beautifully, but he didn't know how it was doing as they only thawed it this morning and didn't want to bother it before transfer. I was a bit upset as I kind of knew that one was of a lower grading, but I didn't remember that it was frozen a day later.
[As an aside, I checked the embryology report that was prepared after our fresh IVF transfer in April 2011. At that time we transferred 4AA and 4AAh - supposedly the highest level at our lab, and nothing came out of it, there were 3 that were frozen at day 5: 2AA, 3AA and 3ABh, and one 3AAh was frozen on day 6. I am assuming that during our FET in 2011 we transferred 3AA and 3ABh, and one of those resulted in our DS. I know for sure that this time around they transferred the day 6 on which was 3AAh on day 6 and morula on day 5, and if I assume that they transferred the best in 2011, it means that the only one remaining is 2AA. So on November 4, 2013, we transferred a 2AA and 3AAh.]
But back to the operating room. The u/s tech checked my bladder and it was full. My RE asked if I was uncomfortable and whether I wanted to pee out a cup, to which I agreed and quickly retreated to the washroom, and boy was I glad I did it!!! I got back on the table, RE found the right size of the instrument to insert, which was cold as they had to pull it out of somewhere and it wasn't in the warmer (I didn't know they put instruments in the warmer before the procedure). Anyways, our names were called a few times to confirm the embies were ours and the process began. I was still, trying not to breath so as not to botch the transfer. As I had a very shallow breathing and sometimes was just holding my breath, I thought that I was going to pass out. I was watching the monitor and it seemed that the time was just standing still. The RE said "Perfect" retrieved all his instruments and I could take my first deep breath in what seemed like half an hour (I am thinking it was about 10-15 minutes). My happiness was short lived as the lab confirmed that my little embies were still in the catheter. Ughh..... I was petrified. My RE was upset. Apparently the transfer was perfect and my uterus did exactly what it was supposed to do, it swallowed the bubbles that were supposed to contain embies and pushed it to the very top of the uterus, which we could all see on the u/s screen. But my little munchkins skipped the bubbles and stayed behind, while the bubbles traveled into my uterus. (Don't ask me how it works, as I don't really understand). The RE said that it doesn't mean anything that they stayed behind, it is neither good nor bad, and I was satisfied with this information. So the lab put the little embies back in the bubbles, the RE had to reinsert and set all the instruments again, and we started the process AGAIN. I told the RE that it was a practice run and that he will do even better the second time around. I again had a very shallow breathing and was holding my breath some of the times. The process again seems to take forever. I was so tense that my legs started shaking. Luckily my leg happened to be under the u/s tech's arm and she was holding it steady. In addition, the warmth of her arms was having a good effect on me. I guess I was getting cold two with my legs and private parts exposed for half an hour or more. This time when the procedure was done, the RE kept everything in place until the lab confirmed that the catheter was empty and the embies were safely home. The RE was happy with the second transfer as he placed the bubbles 2 cm from the top of the uterus (I think that's what he said) and the uterus once again swallowed it and pushed it to the top, so all bubbles united :). Considering that I had to go through TWO transfers, I was extremely happy that I went to pee at the beginning when suggested by the RE.
The RE said that since the embies were high in my uterus it is ok to sit down and resume my activities. I went back to my chair and stayed there for another 10 minutes. First, because I wanted to give my embies a bit better chance to settle in before disturbing them, and thereafter, because the washroom continued to be occupied by the other girls.
After the procedure we headed back home. The last time after the transfer I was stretched out on the back seat trying to stay horizontal for as long as possible. This time around that didn't work as we have a car seat there, so I just reclined to a maximum at the passenger seat. We stopped and picked up some yummy food, and devoured it when we got home. My plan was to stay in bed/on the couch for the entire day. I took all my files with me to bed, including the phone, but since I have my own business, I had to deal with a few emergency, which meant that I had to sit behind my computer. When DH picked up DS from daycare, I wanted to spend time with him, so I spent the evening laying on the floor with DH and DS playing around me :) after DS went to bed, we watched some TV and headed off to bed.
The next morning, DH showed the mastery of his skills as my nurse :) The shot went without a hitch, but we discovered that the shot done by my nurse on the morning of transfer resulted in a big bruise :( I did read in my old instructions (from 2 years ago) to use heating pad throughout the day on the site of injection. We don't have a microwave at our house (long story), so I took the heating pad to the office and started using it there.
As I said before the time just flew by and stood still at the same time. I had absolutely no symptoms for the first 5-6 days. I would forget that I was PUPO (and still do sometimes). As the time passed after transfer I stared picking up DS more and more, and get a bit more relaxed about all the restrictions, until what happened on Saturday.
We were going to a birthday party to my SIL's parents. It was three of us, my SIL, BIL, their two kids and my MIL. We all got into an elevator with another elderly lady. The door closed, we pushed our respective floors, and.... nothing happened. We were stuck! All 9 of us in a tiny elevator. BIL had two folding chairs with him, so we had MIL and another elderly lady take a seat, which decreased the floor space even more. DS being the smallest one started to get frustrated. DH took him in his arms, but he wanted to have his mommy. So I took him, and held him for 20-30 minutes. There was nothing else I could do as he was screaming. It was very hot too. I took off DS' jacket and then mine, but when firefighters could finally get us out, all of us had red faces. My concern was that it is not good for the embies - being in such a hot environment. I just hope (and I convinced myself) that it didn't do any harm to my embies. The rest of the evening was uneventfull, except that I started experiencing sharp pains at the bottom of my stomach.
I've had those sharm pains on and off pretty much every day since then. I used to have those pains last time when I was pregnant, but it was waaaay later in the pregnancy. I am thinking that it might be my ovaries getting overly excited with all the hormones I am taking..... or the embies growing insider.... I don't know..... 5 more days to beta.....
I don't know how I feel or what I feel about this PUPO situation and the outcomes. I try not to think about it, but thoughts come to my head - sometimes happy thoughts, about BFP, both embies implanting, exciting announcements etc. sometimes I think we are going to have just one, and the other times the negative side takes over - what if it doesn't work? what's next? we can barely have the ends meet financial, as my business is just getting off the ground, I had a busy October and November, but I have no new deals for December (and nothing for after new years). It is scary... Are we going to go back to IUIs? I don't know and this is why I am trying not to think about. Although both DH and I are more relaxed this time around. We really really want another baby, but since we already have DS it seems like we will be pregnant again, when the time is right....
I should probably go back to the date of the transfer, Monday, November 4. I was a bit frustrated with my clinic as I received an email earlier the week before that told me that someone will call me on Saturday with the time of the transfer. I also had a few questions that I emailed on Thursday and no one got back to me. After I spent Saturday being glued to the phone, I sent an email directly to my RE and advised him of my frustrations. The head nurse (who was my nurse 2 years ago) replied promptly, answered my questions and told me that the scheduling nurse will be calling me on Sunday. The scheduling nurse actually emailed me in the morning, and said that she tried calling but couldn't reach me (which I think is a total BS, but whatever) so she wanted to call on Sunday morning. Well the long story short, the transfer was schedule for 11:45 and I was due at the clinic at 10:45 to get my shot. I was a bit relieved as that meant that we don't have to get anybody involved in driving DS to daycare. The only little problem was that I had to do a few things at the office and was planning to do it on Sunday night, but DH convinced me to go in before leaving for the clinic, so after having breakfast and dropping DS at daycare we headed to the office to take care of some last minute things.
The drive was uneventful, and not as bad as I was anticipating. We did hit some traffic, but DH turned on some little street and GPS took us through a different part of the City using residential streets, we circled around a bit to find parking, but we were getting out of the elevator on my clinic's floor at exactly 10:45 a.m. After checking in, I went straight to the washroom to pee so I can start my drinking for the full bladder. I KNOW my body, I KNOW I cannot start drinking before 1 hour and I cannot drink more than 500 ml bottle, as I will be in a lot of pain thereafter. So, I settled in with my water bottle waiting for us to be called in. The nurse quickly explained to DH how to give the shot (just a refresher course) and gave me my PIO injection. The nurse also went through the DON'Ts after the procedure, with one of them being "no heavy lifting". I asked her if that means I cannot lift DS who is close to 14 kg now, but she said that I can continue taking care of him and lifting him as most of the precautions are after fresh transfers as they are afraid of the ovaries that were stimulated not to twist. I later spoke with my efriends and was quickly assured that some of the ones who did get their BFPs and are pregnant now, had to take care of their little ones and carry/lift them. After talking to the nurse, we paid for the meds and asked if we need to pay for the procedure right away, but were told that the accountant was not in and there was no invoice. Perfect! With paying a few days later, the charge would not be on November bill.
We then went upstairs to the clinic which our RE uses for procedures and where our snowbabies have been having a nap for the last 2 years. We didn't wait too long at the reception, and were quickly ushered inside, where we both had to change into gowns. And then the long wait began.... I was seating in a comfy chair with my legs up, but I was getting uncomfortable as my bladder was full and was letting me know. Our "neighbours" asked the nurse about what is going on, and she said that the RE is still doing retrievals. I don't know how long we sat there. I started to read, but was falling asleep, so just decided to mediate and doze off a bit. DH was watching funny videos on his iphone and tried very hard not to laugh out loud. He was turning all red, and I told him that the sight of him makes me laugh, which I cannot do as my bladder was about to explode. He showed me the video and it wasn't THAT funny! Finally our "neighbours" were taken in and I was waiting impatiently for their procedure to finish. Something didn't go as planned as it took longer than it was supposed to and RE actually came up to them after they returned to talk to them. I wasn't eavesdropping so I don't know what happened with them, I was just happy that it was finally our turn!
The nurse came to get us and we walked into the operating room which was just across from the little "cubicle" we were occupying. The first thing that RE said is that our 5 day blast thawed beautifully and when they checked this morning it was already growing and multiplying. The second embie was apparently a day 6 freeze, so they only defrosted it this morning. He also said that is thawed beautifully, but he didn't know how it was doing as they only thawed it this morning and didn't want to bother it before transfer. I was a bit upset as I kind of knew that one was of a lower grading, but I didn't remember that it was frozen a day later.
[As an aside, I checked the embryology report that was prepared after our fresh IVF transfer in April 2011. At that time we transferred 4AA and 4AAh - supposedly the highest level at our lab, and nothing came out of it, there were 3 that were frozen at day 5: 2AA, 3AA and 3ABh, and one 3AAh was frozen on day 6. I am assuming that during our FET in 2011 we transferred 3AA and 3ABh, and one of those resulted in our DS. I know for sure that this time around they transferred the day 6 on which was 3AAh on day 6 and morula on day 5, and if I assume that they transferred the best in 2011, it means that the only one remaining is 2AA. So on November 4, 2013, we transferred a 2AA and 3AAh.]
But back to the operating room. The u/s tech checked my bladder and it was full. My RE asked if I was uncomfortable and whether I wanted to pee out a cup, to which I agreed and quickly retreated to the washroom, and boy was I glad I did it!!! I got back on the table, RE found the right size of the instrument to insert, which was cold as they had to pull it out of somewhere and it wasn't in the warmer (I didn't know they put instruments in the warmer before the procedure). Anyways, our names were called a few times to confirm the embies were ours and the process began. I was still, trying not to breath so as not to botch the transfer. As I had a very shallow breathing and sometimes was just holding my breath, I thought that I was going to pass out. I was watching the monitor and it seemed that the time was just standing still. The RE said "Perfect" retrieved all his instruments and I could take my first deep breath in what seemed like half an hour (I am thinking it was about 10-15 minutes). My happiness was short lived as the lab confirmed that my little embies were still in the catheter. Ughh..... I was petrified. My RE was upset. Apparently the transfer was perfect and my uterus did exactly what it was supposed to do, it swallowed the bubbles that were supposed to contain embies and pushed it to the very top of the uterus, which we could all see on the u/s screen. But my little munchkins skipped the bubbles and stayed behind, while the bubbles traveled into my uterus. (Don't ask me how it works, as I don't really understand). The RE said that it doesn't mean anything that they stayed behind, it is neither good nor bad, and I was satisfied with this information. So the lab put the little embies back in the bubbles, the RE had to reinsert and set all the instruments again, and we started the process AGAIN. I told the RE that it was a practice run and that he will do even better the second time around. I again had a very shallow breathing and was holding my breath some of the times. The process again seems to take forever. I was so tense that my legs started shaking. Luckily my leg happened to be under the u/s tech's arm and she was holding it steady. In addition, the warmth of her arms was having a good effect on me. I guess I was getting cold two with my legs and private parts exposed for half an hour or more. This time when the procedure was done, the RE kept everything in place until the lab confirmed that the catheter was empty and the embies were safely home. The RE was happy with the second transfer as he placed the bubbles 2 cm from the top of the uterus (I think that's what he said) and the uterus once again swallowed it and pushed it to the top, so all bubbles united :). Considering that I had to go through TWO transfers, I was extremely happy that I went to pee at the beginning when suggested by the RE.
The RE said that since the embies were high in my uterus it is ok to sit down and resume my activities. I went back to my chair and stayed there for another 10 minutes. First, because I wanted to give my embies a bit better chance to settle in before disturbing them, and thereafter, because the washroom continued to be occupied by the other girls.
After the procedure we headed back home. The last time after the transfer I was stretched out on the back seat trying to stay horizontal for as long as possible. This time around that didn't work as we have a car seat there, so I just reclined to a maximum at the passenger seat. We stopped and picked up some yummy food, and devoured it when we got home. My plan was to stay in bed/on the couch for the entire day. I took all my files with me to bed, including the phone, but since I have my own business, I had to deal with a few emergency, which meant that I had to sit behind my computer. When DH picked up DS from daycare, I wanted to spend time with him, so I spent the evening laying on the floor with DH and DS playing around me :) after DS went to bed, we watched some TV and headed off to bed.
The next morning, DH showed the mastery of his skills as my nurse :) The shot went without a hitch, but we discovered that the shot done by my nurse on the morning of transfer resulted in a big bruise :( I did read in my old instructions (from 2 years ago) to use heating pad throughout the day on the site of injection. We don't have a microwave at our house (long story), so I took the heating pad to the office and started using it there.
As I said before the time just flew by and stood still at the same time. I had absolutely no symptoms for the first 5-6 days. I would forget that I was PUPO (and still do sometimes). As the time passed after transfer I stared picking up DS more and more, and get a bit more relaxed about all the restrictions, until what happened on Saturday.
We were going to a birthday party to my SIL's parents. It was three of us, my SIL, BIL, their two kids and my MIL. We all got into an elevator with another elderly lady. The door closed, we pushed our respective floors, and.... nothing happened. We were stuck! All 9 of us in a tiny elevator. BIL had two folding chairs with him, so we had MIL and another elderly lady take a seat, which decreased the floor space even more. DS being the smallest one started to get frustrated. DH took him in his arms, but he wanted to have his mommy. So I took him, and held him for 20-30 minutes. There was nothing else I could do as he was screaming. It was very hot too. I took off DS' jacket and then mine, but when firefighters could finally get us out, all of us had red faces. My concern was that it is not good for the embies - being in such a hot environment. I just hope (and I convinced myself) that it didn't do any harm to my embies. The rest of the evening was uneventfull, except that I started experiencing sharp pains at the bottom of my stomach.
I've had those sharm pains on and off pretty much every day since then. I used to have those pains last time when I was pregnant, but it was waaaay later in the pregnancy. I am thinking that it might be my ovaries getting overly excited with all the hormones I am taking..... or the embies growing insider.... I don't know..... 5 more days to beta.....
Thursday, October 31, 2013
FET # 2.1 the countdown has begun!!!
I don't know why I just put three exclamation points in the heading. I am not that excited about this FET. I guess I was so emotionally involved with the one that was cancelled that when it was cancelled, there were no emotions left. It is actually double hard this time as I got a bit busy with my own business, I don't have any time to relax in the evenings as everyone wants something from me ASAP, so I work (or pretend to work, when I am too tired). Plus I am trying to spend every waking moment with my LO, which is also hard as I have had evening and weekend client meeting and worked late most nights this week.
In addition, I didn't expect it to be so soon. I had the surgery on the 4th and AF was not supposed to start until 4-6 weeks later, so I wasn't paying much attention and then one day BUM and I got my period, late on Monday, October 21, 2013, it had been just a bit over 2 weeks from the surgery and the entire cycle was only 25 days! So I called in my Day 1 and was at a clinic bright and early on Wednesday, October 23. Everything looked good and I started estrace - 2 blue pills twice a day. I still have the same struggles with having those pills stay put (I even had one fall out as I was bending to put another one. Ugh.
Well, when I talked to the nurse on October 23, she wanted to bring me in on October 31 (Day 11), but since the whole fiasco with the last FET I asked if she can bring me earlier, and she did. So after taking estrace for roughly a week, I was back in the clinic on Wednesday, October 30. For some reason I was very nervous and was fidgeting waiting to speak with the nurse. Luckily everything was fine. My lining was at 0.9 cm the thinnest it has ever been, and the ovaries are quiet and that's what they like to see. I started prometrium today and the transfer is going to be on Monday November 4!!!
It is happening soon, and I have such mixed feeling about it. Trying to see if it is worst then when I didn't know that BFP is possible and real. I have this conviction that FET worked for me and it is going to work this time as well. But..... there are always "what ifs". What if the embryos don't survive the thaw, what if we will not get pregnant..... Would be go for more testing and possibly back to IUIs as we cannot afford an IVF with my business just starting and DH's business not doing all that great and with the LO in daycare. Ugh.... I do try to push those thoughts aside, but they come to me when I have a few moments to be one-on-one with my thoughts. How can I stay positive? It's hard but I should. But then, if it is meant to be, it is going to be notwithstanding my thoughts.
Anyways, going to relax a bit for the first time this week. It has been raining all day, and I had a late client meeting so didn't see my LO in the costume. By the time I got home DH & LO already finished their trick or treating venture which lasted a whole of 15 min as the rain got much worse with strong winds. LO and I just stayed home where we were giving out candies to the brave children who ventured outdoors. It's was raining on Halloween last year too. Hopefully next year we can go trick or treating with our more than one child :)
In addition, I didn't expect it to be so soon. I had the surgery on the 4th and AF was not supposed to start until 4-6 weeks later, so I wasn't paying much attention and then one day BUM and I got my period, late on Monday, October 21, 2013, it had been just a bit over 2 weeks from the surgery and the entire cycle was only 25 days! So I called in my Day 1 and was at a clinic bright and early on Wednesday, October 23. Everything looked good and I started estrace - 2 blue pills twice a day. I still have the same struggles with having those pills stay put (I even had one fall out as I was bending to put another one. Ugh.
Well, when I talked to the nurse on October 23, she wanted to bring me in on October 31 (Day 11), but since the whole fiasco with the last FET I asked if she can bring me earlier, and she did. So after taking estrace for roughly a week, I was back in the clinic on Wednesday, October 30. For some reason I was very nervous and was fidgeting waiting to speak with the nurse. Luckily everything was fine. My lining was at 0.9 cm the thinnest it has ever been, and the ovaries are quiet and that's what they like to see. I started prometrium today and the transfer is going to be on Monday November 4!!!
It is happening soon, and I have such mixed feeling about it. Trying to see if it is worst then when I didn't know that BFP is possible and real. I have this conviction that FET worked for me and it is going to work this time as well. But..... there are always "what ifs". What if the embryos don't survive the thaw, what if we will not get pregnant..... Would be go for more testing and possibly back to IUIs as we cannot afford an IVF with my business just starting and DH's business not doing all that great and with the LO in daycare. Ugh.... I do try to push those thoughts aside, but they come to me when I have a few moments to be one-on-one with my thoughts. How can I stay positive? It's hard but I should. But then, if it is meant to be, it is going to be notwithstanding my thoughts.
Anyways, going to relax a bit for the first time this week. It has been raining all day, and I had a late client meeting so didn't see my LO in the costume. By the time I got home DH & LO already finished their trick or treating venture which lasted a whole of 15 min as the rain got much worse with strong winds. LO and I just stayed home where we were giving out candies to the brave children who ventured outdoors. It's was raining on Halloween last year too. Hopefully next year we can go trick or treating with our more than one child :)
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