You Are Cool!
We've all heard this before: "Take time FOR yourself." We all understand what is the common understanding of that statement.
As I'm focusing on my time during my Internship for my counselor license, I'm living in my own apartment near Ft Worth. I tend to be a person who is very social, communicative, or talkative. Everyone who knows me will tell you that I am very verbal. (They actually say that no one can shut me up, BUT I think that's all in good fun. Right?)
Well, it's almost the last week of the 2nd month of this year. It's my desire to continue to develop my ability to be strong as an individual. Sure, I like having the connections with my friends, at my work place and my church. But, I've been leaning on my Higher Power and I'm called to be happy to be with myself.
(My personal choice is that Christ / God as my Higher Power).
It's my desire to spend more time focused on my time with God and also with Curtis. Take care of the basics of life better. My Finances are getting in a better place -- I'm almost back to paying off all my loans and I'll next work on building a savings account.
(Thank you, mom, for the help with my last car payment! What a nice gift! Now, the car is mine!)
:-)
My hats off to you for everything that you've are aiming for in your life. And, there is someone that can help you more than anyone else: YOU! Give yourself time, attention, care. You deserve it, AND you'll never be thanked so much as you will from you! :-)
Know why you should take time for yourself? Because you are cool! So, hang out WITH yourself; you'll like it!
2/7/14
Who Are You in Substance Abuse Treatment For?
I'm very thankful for the many things that I have in my life. I'm very happy about what the future has in store.
Currently, I'm doing my LCDC Internship at MHMR Tarrant County. I'll be here for a while, and I've got quite a few more hours to go on the Internship to assure that I'm ready to be a counselor. It's helping tremendously as I work with clients who are struggling with the same problem that I had for years.
I know that me sharing my own personal struggles encourages them to move forward because they know that they, too, can also improve.
Another thing about treatment is that there are many people who don't see THE REAL NEED for them to be there. They are there because of the law, or because of their employer, or because of their family. I can relate to them because there was a time when I was in treatment because of the law AND there was a time when I was in treatment because of my family AND there was a time when I was in treatment because of my employer.
And, make sure you understand that THOSE TIMES WERE SEPARATE. I did NOT go into treatment because those three wanted it at the same time, I WENT INTO TREATMENT MULTIPLE TIMES for multiple different parties.
And, when it really worked, by the way, was when I FULLY ACCEPTED THAT IT WAS UP TO ME to get better. I, Curtis, went into treatment for me, Curtis.
Regardless of what caused my clients to walk through the door, they each have a choice for WHO they're going to do the work for THAT THEY LEARN OF while in treatment. They need to realize that they are there FOR THEMSELVES. Not for the law, not for CPS, not for their family, not for their work, but FOR THEM-SELF.
I want to encourage them to make the right decisions for themselves. They are in substance use treatment for THEM and ONLY for them. No one else can learn what they can learn. Not the family, not the employer, not legal world: only THEM-SELF.
You are in substance abuse treatment for yourself.
Currently, I'm doing my LCDC Internship at MHMR Tarrant County. I'll be here for a while, and I've got quite a few more hours to go on the Internship to assure that I'm ready to be a counselor. It's helping tremendously as I work with clients who are struggling with the same problem that I had for years.
I know that me sharing my own personal struggles encourages them to move forward because they know that they, too, can also improve.
Another thing about treatment is that there are many people who don't see THE REAL NEED for them to be there. They are there because of the law, or because of their employer, or because of their family. I can relate to them because there was a time when I was in treatment because of the law AND there was a time when I was in treatment because of my family AND there was a time when I was in treatment because of my employer.
And, make sure you understand that THOSE TIMES WERE SEPARATE. I did NOT go into treatment because those three wanted it at the same time, I WENT INTO TREATMENT MULTIPLE TIMES for multiple different parties.
And, when it really worked, by the way, was when I FULLY ACCEPTED THAT IT WAS UP TO ME to get better. I, Curtis, went into treatment for me, Curtis.
Regardless of what caused my clients to walk through the door, they each have a choice for WHO they're going to do the work for THAT THEY LEARN OF while in treatment. They need to realize that they are there FOR THEMSELVES. Not for the law, not for CPS, not for their family, not for their work, but FOR THEM-SELF.
I want to encourage them to make the right decisions for themselves. They are in substance use treatment for THEM and ONLY for them. No one else can learn what they can learn. Not the family, not the employer, not legal world: only THEM-SELF.
You are in substance abuse treatment for yourself.
12/23/13
Talking to Others Helps
I'm very happy for doing my Internship with MHMR -- Addiction Services. The staff here is so amazing with their REAL concern for our clients. I'm very proud to be one of them here at our facility.
I'd like you to read what I have to say about talking to another person (people) so you can determine if you can adjust this, too, to help you grow.
First Issue
First, I know that opening up sincerely to another really does HELP with personal growth. For me, talking to others has been a problematic reality in two different ways. First of all, part of what I do is "present" to audiences -- so I'm a speaker. This changes the mindset of what it is that is shared with other people.
Second Issue
The second issue here is that I tend to be a very chatty person. (I know, I know, someone is sarcastically saying, "Curtis, you don't SAY.") :-) Yes, I'm chatty -- WHICH I believe can be a good and uplifting part of a personality.
The DOWNSIDE to this is that I may not WANT TO DISCUSS what I'm facing on the inside. I'd rather talk about the Cowboys Football game or my work life or my dating life. Issues on the inside -- as they are for all of us -- are doubts about my status, doubts about my relationship potential, doubts about my looks, doubts about my physical ability / weight, doubts about my mental stamina.
How I Choose to Handle This
The being a 'speaker' or a 'counselor' is helping me BECAUSE I'm facing this: I'm going to encourage others to make themselves better, SO what are the issues that I NEED to deal with myself? Well, for me, I'm being open about this problem: Curtis talks alot, BUT does he really talk about what's IN HIM, deep in his heart?
Curtis is -- I mean -- I AM learning to do this more and more. Now that I'm FINALLY an adult (at the age of 40), I want to be more open and real with other people. ESPECIALLY people I'm close to.
What do I Believe?
I believe that I'm being called to this place by my Higher Power. (I say it that way so that where YOU are, you really do listen to what I'm saying.) I'm now believe that I'm here because Christ saw to it. He is what inspires me to live each day. I spend time with God / Christ daily. I believe that God is behind all of this and I thank Him so much for what He's given me.
What will I do? My 'New Years Resolution' for 2014 is to be more open and personal, to ask people more where they are on a personal level. To talk to people more on one-on-one situations. I ask God to lead me here as He sees fit.
2014 is Brightly Coming! This is the 1st new year when I'll be 40 years old. Finally, after all of this time, I'm an adult. The growing up was hard, BUT it's been worth it!
I'm very happy for doing my Internship with MHMR -- Addiction Services. The staff here is so amazing with their REAL concern for our clients. I'm very proud to be one of them here at our facility.
I'd like you to read what I have to say about talking to another person (people) so you can determine if you can adjust this, too, to help you grow.
First Issue
First, I know that opening up sincerely to another really does HELP with personal growth. For me, talking to others has been a problematic reality in two different ways. First of all, part of what I do is "present" to audiences -- so I'm a speaker. This changes the mindset of what it is that is shared with other people.
Second Issue
The second issue here is that I tend to be a very chatty person. (I know, I know, someone is sarcastically saying, "Curtis, you don't SAY.") :-) Yes, I'm chatty -- WHICH I believe can be a good and uplifting part of a personality.
The DOWNSIDE to this is that I may not WANT TO DISCUSS what I'm facing on the inside. I'd rather talk about the Cowboys Football game or my work life or my dating life. Issues on the inside -- as they are for all of us -- are doubts about my status, doubts about my relationship potential, doubts about my looks, doubts about my physical ability / weight, doubts about my mental stamina.
How I Choose to Handle This
The being a 'speaker' or a 'counselor' is helping me BECAUSE I'm facing this: I'm going to encourage others to make themselves better, SO what are the issues that I NEED to deal with myself? Well, for me, I'm being open about this problem: Curtis talks alot, BUT does he really talk about what's IN HIM, deep in his heart?
Curtis is -- I mean -- I AM learning to do this more and more. Now that I'm FINALLY an adult (at the age of 40), I want to be more open and real with other people. ESPECIALLY people I'm close to.
What do I Believe?
I believe that I'm being called to this place by my Higher Power. (I say it that way so that where YOU are, you really do listen to what I'm saying.) I'm now believe that I'm here because Christ saw to it. He is what inspires me to live each day. I spend time with God / Christ daily. I believe that God is behind all of this and I thank Him so much for what He's given me.
What will I do? My 'New Years Resolution' for 2014 is to be more open and personal, to ask people more where they are on a personal level. To talk to people more on one-on-one situations. I ask God to lead me here as He sees fit.
11/30/13
TODAY (and) YOU
Today is November 30, 2013. I just returned home from a time at mom's at the family land. I got to see my sisters Renee and Tammy and their families. Sister Sarah was in Lubbock with her in-laws, but she'll be at the Christmas get-together with her husband.
(Their families take turns seeing them!) ;-)
I'm sorta proud of the new year. For me, I'm proud of the fact that I've lived ON MY OWN all year long! I've also completed alot of my Internship for my LCDC.
LCDC? I'm working on my License for Chemical Dependency Counseling. With that License, I'll work at a treatment facility where people want to relearn behavior that caused them to get into a abusive behavior with substances. Already, there are many clients that I can see really do WANT the treatment and to relearn how to stay off of chemicals -- they want to stay sober. I will be a Licensed Counselor soon so that I can help them.
Of course, there are also clients who are just 'in treatment' because their family or their job or the law want them to be, and they intend to return to their behavior after treatment. That's a hard reality in this world. I know that personally because there was a time or two (or FOUR) when that was the case with me: I just wanted to BE DONE WITH IT so I could go back to living MY LIFE.
Eventually, it came to a place where I DID desire to turn my life around, and I'm proud to now have been sober for over 5 years. I just turned 40, and 5 years is a good start to my LIFELONG intent to stay sober.
Some may wonder, "Man, oh man, Curtis, why are you SO VOCAL about this demon that you're now DONE WITH?"
HERE IS THE ANSWER: My #2 desire is to SHOW PEOPLE that it can be done; that SOBRIETY can happen if you set your mind to it AND if you have all the tools IN your life to help you. (And the tools OUT of your life that hurt you.)
My #1 desire is to encourage me -- little ole Curtis C. that I can do NOTHING that will tempt me to USE again. I go nowhere where I may be tempted, and put myself in no situations where I may be tempted. That is, to do no run the risk of using ANY drug like alcohol, like cocaine, like marijuana.
I want to write this also for those you who don't KNOW WHAT TO DO with 'this drinking gal" or "this drugging guy" that is in your life. My family was loving a supportive to me FOR A LONG TIME before God had it arranged so that I could stop. So, don't be discouraged and DON'T GIVE UP. Sure, take care of yourself first, your emotions, your perspective, BUT help them in a way that is HEALTHY for you.
And, let me tell you what: there is ONE person that you can influence the most to help them do what is healthy for them and make the right decisions for them and correct the parts of their life that need correction. ONE PERSON that you can influence the most:
AND THAT PERSON IS YOU.
Today is November 30, 2013. I just returned home from a time at mom's at the family land. I got to see my sisters Renee and Tammy and their families. Sister Sarah was in Lubbock with her in-laws, but she'll be at the Christmas get-together with her husband.
(Their families take turns seeing them!) ;-)
I'm sorta proud of the new year. For me, I'm proud of the fact that I've lived ON MY OWN all year long! I've also completed alot of my Internship for my LCDC.
LCDC? I'm working on my License for Chemical Dependency Counseling. With that License, I'll work at a treatment facility where people want to relearn behavior that caused them to get into a abusive behavior with substances. Already, there are many clients that I can see really do WANT the treatment and to relearn how to stay off of chemicals -- they want to stay sober. I will be a Licensed Counselor soon so that I can help them.
Of course, there are also clients who are just 'in treatment' because their family or their job or the law want them to be, and they intend to return to their behavior after treatment. That's a hard reality in this world. I know that personally because there was a time or two (or FOUR) when that was the case with me: I just wanted to BE DONE WITH IT so I could go back to living MY LIFE.
Eventually, it came to a place where I DID desire to turn my life around, and I'm proud to now have been sober for over 5 years. I just turned 40, and 5 years is a good start to my LIFELONG intent to stay sober.
Some may wonder, "Man, oh man, Curtis, why are you SO VOCAL about this demon that you're now DONE WITH?"
HERE IS THE ANSWER: My #2 desire is to SHOW PEOPLE that it can be done; that SOBRIETY can happen if you set your mind to it AND if you have all the tools IN your life to help you. (And the tools OUT of your life that hurt you.)
My #1 desire is to encourage me -- little ole Curtis C. that I can do NOTHING that will tempt me to USE again. I go nowhere where I may be tempted, and put myself in no situations where I may be tempted. That is, to do no run the risk of using ANY drug like alcohol, like cocaine, like marijuana.
I want to write this also for those you who don't KNOW WHAT TO DO with 'this drinking gal" or "this drugging guy" that is in your life. My family was loving a supportive to me FOR A LONG TIME before God had it arranged so that I could stop. So, don't be discouraged and DON'T GIVE UP. Sure, take care of yourself first, your emotions, your perspective, BUT help them in a way that is HEALTHY for you.
And, let me tell you what: there is ONE person that you can influence the most to help them do what is healthy for them and make the right decisions for them and correct the parts of their life that need correction. ONE PERSON that you can influence the most:
AND THAT PERSON IS YOU.
9/16/13
What Does Today Bring?
This morning I am about to go and do my run -- my regular physical exercise. I also have spent some time this morning with the in prayer and meditation.
I am very thankful for so many things in my life; I now am living independently. My family -- my mom, step dad, and sisters' -- continue to help me in my own residence so that more and more I'm at 'home' in my new place.
(Even though it's been over 9 months, I still call it 'new.') :-)
Today I plan to be productive with my health, with my internship (my 'job'), and with my focus on the higher parts of life.
This morning I am about to go and do my run -- my regular physical exercise. I also have spent some time this morning with the in prayer and meditation.
I am very thankful for so many things in my life; I now am living independently. My family -- my mom, step dad, and sisters' -- continue to help me in my own residence so that more and more I'm at 'home' in my new place.
(Even though it's been over 9 months, I still call it 'new.') :-)
Today I plan to be productive with my health, with my internship (my 'job'), and with my focus on the higher parts of life.
8/20/13
Progress (Steps Forward)
I am very thankful today for all the gifts that I have in my life. Even when times are rough or insecurity hits, I know that there is something positive happening in my life.
Do I always FEEL that is the case? No: not always. Do I believe that is the case: YES, thankfully I do now believe that even though life may be hard, it is making progress in some ways even if I can't see it.
And, is believe a new thing for me? Yes, it is. I used to think that you had to DO things or SEE things in order for them to be real. So, when life got 'too hard' for me, I would escape. Now, I believe -- in fact I'll say it this way -- I Believe that hard times are here for a reason.
Hard times are part of the steps of progress. I'm remind myself to take the steps; they may seem hard now, BUT accept them as steps to something greater.
:-)
I am very thankful today for all the gifts that I have in my life. Even when times are rough or insecurity hits, I know that there is something positive happening in my life.
Do I always FEEL that is the case? No: not always. Do I believe that is the case: YES, thankfully I do now believe that even though life may be hard, it is making progress in some ways even if I can't see it.
And, is believe a new thing for me? Yes, it is. I used to think that you had to DO things or SEE things in order for them to be real. So, when life got 'too hard' for me, I would escape. Now, I believe -- in fact I'll say it this way -- I Believe that hard times are here for a reason.
Hard times are part of the steps of progress. I'm remind myself to take the steps; they may seem hard now, BUT accept them as steps to something greater.
:-)
8/18/13
Alcohol Dependency IS NOT Alcoholism
Today is Sunday, August 18, 2013. I am so thankful to the Lord for all He has done for me. I love Him so much.
I'm very proud to have been clean and sober as long as I have been. It's a good start for my desire to be sober for the rest of my life. I've now been sober for over 5 years. (And, my sobriety day count today -- in about 8 hours -- is 5 years, 1 month, and 25 days.)
Something hit me tonight very clearly. There was time when I COULD NOT EVEN IMAGINE going to a club or a restaurant and not have a beer (or, a margarita). If someone asked me not to, I was bothered by that.
That was long before my 'disease' of alcoholism hit; but I really really WANTED the drink. In fact, in order to have a good time, I NEEDED the drink. To NEED something is to DEPEND on something. This didn't make me an alcoholic, but it meant I WAS DEPENDENT on alcohol.
I also recently went to an event where a person stated that they would do X for free IF we provided beer for her.
At a class reunion, there were some people who wanted to leave the event so they could get away AND FINALLY drink. It had been ALMOST 48 hours since their last wine.
Now, I'm NOT pointing the fingers at other people. It's a personal choice, and because I have the problem I have I DO NOT say that other people can't drink. But, I want to be clear about this so that IF SOMEONE TENDS TO 'get a little too nippy' often, you can help make them aware that it could be a problem. (And, IF IT'S YOU, please, be honest with yourself).
Now, I'll say again: I AM NOT an alcoholic who thinks that NO ONE ELSE should ever drink. It's a personal choice, and I have nothing bad to say about an occasional / low volume intake of a drink.
So, if someone says that they HAVE TO HAVE a sedative -- that is, a glass of wine, or a beer, or a margarita -- then I'd encourage that person to be honest with themselves about their 'need' for the 'escape.' And, God is so amazing for getting me to this point. I used to NEVER think like this because I was so ALCOHOL DEPENDENT that I WOULD NOT go somewhere where I couldn't 'have a few.'
Today is Sunday, August 18, 2013. I am so thankful to the Lord for all He has done for me. I love Him so much.
I'm very proud to have been clean and sober as long as I have been. It's a good start for my desire to be sober for the rest of my life. I've now been sober for over 5 years. (And, my sobriety day count today -- in about 8 hours -- is 5 years, 1 month, and 25 days.)
Something hit me tonight very clearly. There was time when I COULD NOT EVEN IMAGINE going to a club or a restaurant and not have a beer (or, a margarita). If someone asked me not to, I was bothered by that.
That was long before my 'disease' of alcoholism hit; but I really really WANTED the drink. In fact, in order to have a good time, I NEEDED the drink. To NEED something is to DEPEND on something. This didn't make me an alcoholic, but it meant I WAS DEPENDENT on alcohol.
I also recently went to an event where a person stated that they would do X for free IF we provided beer for her.
At a class reunion, there were some people who wanted to leave the event so they could get away AND FINALLY drink. It had been ALMOST 48 hours since their last wine.
Now, I'm NOT pointing the fingers at other people. It's a personal choice, and because I have the problem I have I DO NOT say that other people can't drink. But, I want to be clear about this so that IF SOMEONE TENDS TO 'get a little too nippy' often, you can help make them aware that it could be a problem. (And, IF IT'S YOU, please, be honest with yourself).
Now, I'll say again: I AM NOT an alcoholic who thinks that NO ONE ELSE should ever drink. It's a personal choice, and I have nothing bad to say about an occasional / low volume intake of a drink.
So, if someone says that they HAVE TO HAVE a sedative -- that is, a glass of wine, or a beer, or a margarita -- then I'd encourage that person to be honest with themselves about their 'need' for the 'escape.' And, God is so amazing for getting me to this point. I used to NEVER think like this because I was so ALCOHOL DEPENDENT that I WOULD NOT go somewhere where I couldn't 'have a few.'
8/16/13
I am so thankful for all the wonderful things that are happening in my life. I am now in a new apartment -- closer to campus. (First, I want to thank my mom, my step dad, my brother in law Jeff and my nephew Seth for their help with the move! Isn't family WONDERFUL?)
I am working on my internship now for my LCDC. I did my Practicum work at MHMR Street Outreach Program and now I'm in the same office working in the Addiction Recovery Center.
I'm very glad to see when there is a client who does the work to improve their situation. I know FIRST HAND how difficult it can be, and I want to keep developing my ability to help them to see that there are changes in their life that they can make.
I am also very thankful to Christ for what he has done for me. You know what's weird -- even though you're just sharing a personal message, the thought comes into mind, "Is it OK to share anything about God in this situation?" But, I'm not at all telling you what YOU SHOULD believe, I'm just telling you what I DO believe. And, I want to be freer to do that.
Thank you for reading this blog post. May your day be filled with wonderful blessings and may you accomplish what your heart desires today.
I am working on my internship now for my LCDC. I did my Practicum work at MHMR Street Outreach Program and now I'm in the same office working in the Addiction Recovery Center.
I'm very glad to see when there is a client who does the work to improve their situation. I know FIRST HAND how difficult it can be, and I want to keep developing my ability to help them to see that there are changes in their life that they can make.
I am also very thankful to Christ for what he has done for me. You know what's weird -- even though you're just sharing a personal message, the thought comes into mind, "Is it OK to share anything about God in this situation?" But, I'm not at all telling you what YOU SHOULD believe, I'm just telling you what I DO believe. And, I want to be freer to do that.
Thank you for reading this blog post. May your day be filled with wonderful blessings and may you accomplish what your heart desires today.
6/30/13
I Just Celebrated 5 Years Sobriety
Life is good these days!
I'm loving my time doing my practicum / internship with MHMR of Tarrant County.
I'll be moving soon to a new apartment; it'll be a longer drive to my work, to my church, and to my sobriety support groups BUT the rent is cheaper! So, I'll save a few dollars every month! I know -- I know -- I'm about to turn 40 so I should have BUNCHES of money, but hey, I'm a college student again -- so, it makes TOTAL SENSE.
My Anniversary
I'm SO HAPPY about this: I just passed the 5 year mark of sobriety. FIVE YEARS. NO alcohol, no drug of any kind (like tobacco, crack or cocaine), and no medical drug WITHOUT a prescription.
I am done with my undergraduate school work for my LCDC (License for Chemical Dependency Counseling), and now I'm working on my Internship Status, so that my work hours count.
Want me to Speak for your group?
I very much want to share with people the dangers associated with drugs. I'm doing speaking to relay the message. For FFA Chapters and churches I do not ask for a fee for my time. For schools and other youth groups, I do ask for a fee plus travel. If you want to ask me to speak, go to www.CurtisChilders.com or (http://www.curtischilders.com/contact-curtis.html) and send me an email. I'd love to hear from you.
A Final Note
I pray that whoever reads this is touched how you need to be touched. I used to not believe in that 'prayer thing,' BUT I DO NOW.
(And, in schools, I only discuss prayer if the school asks me to discuss it. My message is about the danger of drug use, BUT if a group wants me to talk of my Spiritual beliefs, I love doing that.)
I'm loving my time doing my practicum / internship with MHMR of Tarrant County.
I'll be moving soon to a new apartment; it'll be a longer drive to my work, to my church, and to my sobriety support groups BUT the rent is cheaper! So, I'll save a few dollars every month! I know -- I know -- I'm about to turn 40 so I should have BUNCHES of money, but hey, I'm a college student again -- so, it makes TOTAL SENSE.
My Anniversary
I'm SO HAPPY about this: I just passed the 5 year mark of sobriety. FIVE YEARS. NO alcohol, no drug of any kind (like tobacco, crack or cocaine), and no medical drug WITHOUT a prescription.
I am done with my undergraduate school work for my LCDC (License for Chemical Dependency Counseling), and now I'm working on my Internship Status, so that my work hours count.
Want me to Speak for your group?
I very much want to share with people the dangers associated with drugs. I'm doing speaking to relay the message. For FFA Chapters and churches I do not ask for a fee for my time. For schools and other youth groups, I do ask for a fee plus travel. If you want to ask me to speak, go to www.CurtisChilders.com or (http://www.curtischilders.com/contact-curtis.html) and send me an email. I'd love to hear from you.
A Final Note
I pray that whoever reads this is touched how you need to be touched. I used to not believe in that 'prayer thing,' BUT I DO NOW.
(And, in schools, I only discuss prayer if the school asks me to discuss it. My message is about the danger of drug use, BUT if a group wants me to talk of my Spiritual beliefs, I love doing that.)
4/26/13
Back to 'Normal Life' (yeah right!) ;-)
So, I've moved into my new apartment near Ft. Worth now and I'm loving life. I'm doing my internship for my counselor license at MHMR. This year, I've already run SIX races. Is that crazy? ABSOLUTELY it is! I planned to do one race per month and then people I'd asked to run with me said that they'd do certain races, so it just worked out that way! :-) Do I run fast? Nope: NOT EVEN CLOSE. But, I RUN. :-)
This weekend I'll get to speak to a student group at Texas A&M University. I LOVE being back at A&M where I went to college. I also strongly Believe that I am supposed to influence people to make better decisions: some of my decisions cost me MAJORLY, but now I've been away from that demon for almost FIVE YEARS. (4 years, 10 months, and 3 days -- to be exact). ;-)
I'm working with SOR -- Street Outreach at MHMR -- while I get my License for Chemical Dependency Counseling (LCDC). I'm learning alot -- and growing -- as I'm working here. I have coworkers that are superb in helping me develop my social skill and professional skill.
This weekend I'll get to speak to a student group at Texas A&M University. I LOVE being back at A&M where I went to college. I also strongly Believe that I am supposed to influence people to make better decisions: some of my decisions cost me MAJORLY, but now I've been away from that demon for almost FIVE YEARS. (4 years, 10 months, and 3 days -- to be exact). ;-)
I'm working with SOR -- Street Outreach at MHMR -- while I get my License for Chemical Dependency Counseling (LCDC). I'm learning alot -- and growing -- as I'm working here. I have coworkers that are superb in helping me develop my social skill and professional skill.
2/12/13
My Sobriety Day Count
I've very proud of how long I've been sober. I used to write the numbers on my hand so that I could remember exactly AND to encourage me to stay sober JUST FOR AT LEAST TODAY. My substance use led to a horrific accident that left me in the hospital for 6 months. The 'blessing in disguise' was that it allowed me to be pulled away from the drug use for a long time.
Now, has my sobriety been strong enough for long enough that it will last FOREVER now? Not in the least. It's a DAILY effort to ensure that I'm sober TODAY. Now, honestly it gets easier and easier, but I KNOW that the demon can come back. I recently saw somebody who had had a problem with crack cocaine (which was where my addiction led me) and after TEN YEARS of sobriety he had had a relapse.
TEN YEARS? WHAT? Isn't that long enough to be clean FOREVER?
See, we all have some sort of demon that can raise it's stinking head when we least expect it. Some people have trouble with dishonesty with money at work, some people have a problem with pornography, and some people have a problem with drugs -- like is my story. Whatever demon we put to rest can rear it's head again if we're not careful.
So, I want to encourage you to discuss your demon with someone else. You ladies, tell your best lady friend about the hard thing that you've got going -- like you considering unfaithfulness to your mate. Gentlemen, tell you buddy about having spent time last night looking at the pornographic images when your wife wasn't home. TALK ABOUT THE DEMON that is in your life. Maybe it's wasting time on TV. Maybe it's 'creative expense reporting' to lead to dishonesty. TELL A PERSON about what's going on in your life -- that's what we're here for. We're here to help other people.
So, I count the number of days that I've been sober; I've very public about it. Today I've been sober for 4 years, 7 months, and 20 days. I know that it's helping me tremendously to be HONEST about what's going on. I believe that's what God wants us to do. WE NEED EACH OTHER.
Thank you so much for reading this! --- Curtis C. www.curtischilders.com
I've very proud of how long I've been sober. I used to write the numbers on my hand so that I could remember exactly AND to encourage me to stay sober JUST FOR AT LEAST TODAY. My substance use led to a horrific accident that left me in the hospital for 6 months. The 'blessing in disguise' was that it allowed me to be pulled away from the drug use for a long time.
Now, has my sobriety been strong enough for long enough that it will last FOREVER now? Not in the least. It's a DAILY effort to ensure that I'm sober TODAY. Now, honestly it gets easier and easier, but I KNOW that the demon can come back. I recently saw somebody who had had a problem with crack cocaine (which was where my addiction led me) and after TEN YEARS of sobriety he had had a relapse.
TEN YEARS? WHAT? Isn't that long enough to be clean FOREVER?
Not in the least.
See, we all have some sort of demon that can raise it's stinking head when we least expect it. Some people have trouble with dishonesty with money at work, some people have a problem with pornography, and some people have a problem with drugs -- like is my story. Whatever demon we put to rest can rear it's head again if we're not careful.
So, I want to encourage you to discuss your demon with someone else. You ladies, tell your best lady friend about the hard thing that you've got going -- like you considering unfaithfulness to your mate. Gentlemen, tell you buddy about having spent time last night looking at the pornographic images when your wife wasn't home. TALK ABOUT THE DEMON that is in your life. Maybe it's wasting time on TV. Maybe it's 'creative expense reporting' to lead to dishonesty. TELL A PERSON about what's going on in your life -- that's what we're here for. We're here to help other people.
So, I count the number of days that I've been sober; I've very public about it. Today I've been sober for 4 years, 7 months, and 20 days. I know that it's helping me tremendously to be HONEST about what's going on. I believe that's what God wants us to do. WE NEED EACH OTHER.
Thank you so much for reading this! --- Curtis C. www.curtischilders.com
2/10/13
We All Have Something to Share
My latest profile status on Facebook has what I learned in my new apartment and I want to share with others. The link is here: Curtis Childers Facebook Profile and the update I'm referring to is the most current today (Feb 8, 2013). (When you follow this link, you have to log in to your account to see what I wrote. If you don't have a Facebook login, you can just continue with this blog.)
That is an attempt at make light of my life situation -- as you can see if you watch it. :-)
One of the things that I now do is present to youth about why they don't want to make the same mistakes that I made. My story is this: I used to think that doing marijuana was 'no big deal' and that marijuana should be legal. However, the marijuana induced state-of-mind encouraged me to try other drugs. I did this for years.
This led to worse and worse behavior and trying worse and worse things. Eventually, I was introduced to and immediately addicted to crack-cocaine. This had a major impact on my life; I had to go to treatment several times, I had a 'Interventions' where people tried to help me -- some from friends in Texas some from friends in Los Angeles, California, where I lived. But I couldn't clean up.
Evenutally the crack use led to a horrible accident. That story is shared here in this video completed by the Texas FFA Orgnization: Texas FFA Video about Curtis Becoming Clean From Drugs.
So, my purpose in writing this today is to let you know, of course, that I want to share my story with others. But, more importantly, it's to let you know that YOU reading this (and, yes, this isn't a general 'you' that means everyone, I mean YOU) have something to share. We don't live life alone. We need people -- we need our family and our friends. And, what I want you to know even more is that your family and friends NEED YOU.
So, call them, see them, tell them you love them, tell them what good things are happening in your life, talk about the struggles in life. You're worth them their connection to you. You deserve their honest affection for you. Everyone has something to ... no, more accurately, I'll say it this was: YOU have something to share.
My latest profile status on Facebook has what I learned in my new apartment and I want to share with others. The link is here: Curtis Childers Facebook Profile and the update I'm referring to is the most current today (Feb 8, 2013). (When you follow this link, you have to log in to your account to see what I wrote. If you don't have a Facebook login, you can just continue with this blog.)
That is an attempt at make light of my life situation -- as you can see if you watch it. :-)
One of the things that I now do is present to youth about why they don't want to make the same mistakes that I made. My story is this: I used to think that doing marijuana was 'no big deal' and that marijuana should be legal. However, the marijuana induced state-of-mind encouraged me to try other drugs. I did this for years.
This led to worse and worse behavior and trying worse and worse things. Eventually, I was introduced to and immediately addicted to crack-cocaine. This had a major impact on my life; I had to go to treatment several times, I had a 'Interventions' where people tried to help me -- some from friends in Texas some from friends in Los Angeles, California, where I lived. But I couldn't clean up.
Evenutally the crack use led to a horrible accident. That story is shared here in this video completed by the Texas FFA Orgnization: Texas FFA Video about Curtis Becoming Clean From Drugs.
So, my purpose in writing this today is to let you know, of course, that I want to share my story with others. But, more importantly, it's to let you know that YOU reading this (and, yes, this isn't a general 'you' that means everyone, I mean YOU) have something to share. We don't live life alone. We need people -- we need our family and our friends. And, what I want you to know even more is that your family and friends NEED YOU.
So, call them, see them, tell them you love them, tell them what good things are happening in your life, talk about the struggles in life. You're worth them their connection to you. You deserve their honest affection for you. Everyone has something to ... no, more accurately, I'll say it this was: YOU have something to share.
8/16/12
An OPPORTUNITY at Sun Ridge MS in El Paso
Tomorrow I'll fly to El Paso, Texas. Next week I'll talk to Sun Ridge Middle School in that town. I'll talk to them about the demon of substance abuse and I'll share them the story about where it led me and the accident that I had after years of torment while I was trying to sober up / get away from the drug world.
It's not an easy thing to do -- to disclose your demon. But, it's my prayer that they all will hear the determination to get through a life obstacle and see how they, too, can get through it. That's 'generally' what I want to get across to them, but specifically -- VERY SPECIFICALLY in fact -- I want to keep them from in the drug world completely. No "experimenting" at all.
It's my point of view that all that I went through was worth it if I keep JUST ONE from using an addictive subtance / a drug. I totally mean that. Yet, even that that's my ultimate prayer, I believe that many people who hear my story are moved to get through their own life struggles / barriers / challenges.
(And, yes, there are many ways you can define life problems. Hmmm... here's one I haven't used yet until RIGHT NOW as I'm writing this blog. It's not to be thought of as a barrier, a struggles, a problem, a threat, an obstacle, or just a challenge -- it's to be thought of as AN OPPORTUNITY. Life issues help us by aiding our growth in certain ways so it's a chance for improvement or an opportunity. Hmmm...)
I'll get to spend the weekend with family -- my Aunt Jot and my Uncle Wayne, and also get to see my cousin Debbie. I'll also visit the cemetery where my grandmother who passed away recently is buried. She is also next to my father who passed away in 1993 -- almost 20 years ago. I love God for what He's letting happen in my life right now. Life is full of opportunities that I'll see every time I look for them. The other 'icing on the cake' truth is this: I lived near Glen Rose, Texas, for most of my life. But the first 4 years of my life I lived in the city where I was born: in El Paso, Texas. I'm 38 now and I'll be going back there to share my message of hope with the people there -- to my place of birth.
It's not an easy thing to do -- to disclose your demon. But, it's my prayer that they all will hear the determination to get through a life obstacle and see how they, too, can get through it. That's 'generally' what I want to get across to them, but specifically -- VERY SPECIFICALLY in fact -- I want to keep them from in the drug world completely. No "experimenting" at all.
It's my point of view that all that I went through was worth it if I keep JUST ONE from using an addictive subtance / a drug. I totally mean that. Yet, even that that's my ultimate prayer, I believe that many people who hear my story are moved to get through their own life struggles / barriers / challenges.
(And, yes, there are many ways you can define life problems. Hmmm... here's one I haven't used yet until RIGHT NOW as I'm writing this blog. It's not to be thought of as a barrier, a struggles, a problem, a threat, an obstacle, or just a challenge -- it's to be thought of as AN OPPORTUNITY. Life issues help us by aiding our growth in certain ways so it's a chance for improvement or an opportunity. Hmmm...)
I'll get to spend the weekend with family -- my Aunt Jot and my Uncle Wayne, and also get to see my cousin Debbie. I'll also visit the cemetery where my grandmother who passed away recently is buried. She is also next to my father who passed away in 1993 -- almost 20 years ago. I love God for what He's letting happen in my life right now. Life is full of opportunities that I'll see every time I look for them. The other 'icing on the cake' truth is this: I lived near Glen Rose, Texas, for most of my life. But the first 4 years of my life I lived in the city where I was born: in El Paso, Texas. I'm 38 now and I'll be going back there to share my message of hope with the people there -- to my place of birth.
5/30/12
One Day at a Time
Today for me I have been sober for 3 years, 11 months and 6 days. I am a few weeks away from 4 years; today hitting 4 years IS NOT my primary goal. Tonight I want to go to bed having SUCCESSFULLY gotten through the day, sober. Then, tomorrow, it'll be 3 11 7 for me.
And, yes, I do count those days very publically as many of you know. Actually, I write the day count with a marker on my arm that is visible to anyone I come into contact with. Honestly, it's MY primary benefit: being 'vocal' about my day count helps me to SECURE the sobriety. That way, if I'm ever in a bar listening to a friend play music, I avoid the temptation TOTALLY because my sobriety day count was my #1 priority every day.
(And, by the way, the few times that I've been in a bar to hear a friend sing and play guitar, I carried a Dr. Pepper in the bar with me, I held the Dr. Pepper the ENTIRE time, and when asked if I'd like another soda I just held up the Dr. Pepper and said, "No thank you, I'm good." I was NOT going to chance it. Yep, sobriety is my NUMBER ONE priority.
NO
MATTER
WHAT
I also want to influence others to be TOTALLY sober. Do drugs, no alcohol, no tobacco. Sure, medically one can say that 'it's ok to drink' or 'it's ok to smoke' on occasion, and I'm not going to argue that. (Believe me, there is TONS of data that lead me to want to argue that, but I won't.) For me, I WILL REMAIN completely sober FOR THE WHOLE DAY TODAY. I desire to influence others to also stay COMPLETELY SOBER.
COMPLETELY.
Check this out: in our culture, you know what some scientists say is harder than marijuana, harder than alcohol, and harder than caffeine to OVERCOME the addiction to it? TOBACCO. Especially SMOKED tobacco. My mother, who has been an angel in all of her support for me through my battle with drugs, through my accident, and through my recovery, recently JUST STOPPED SMOKING. She smoked cigarettes for OVER 40 YEARS daily. But, she decided personally that she could overcome that and as of today SHE has been totally off of tobacco for almost 2 months. (And, yes, mom, I still count your days to the day, too, thanks to my MS Excel spreadsheet, so technically, you've been off of cigarettes for 1 month and 20 days today. Good job, mom. I'm so proud of you. I love you.)
For those who are battling one of these for themselves -- drug use like I battled, alcohol use which is a problem for some, or tobacco use which my mom just overcame, let me say this: please do not OVERSTEP your boundary. You are not magical. You cannot say that you're going to be off of it UNTIL ETERNITY. You HAVE to look at your situation and say that you'll do it primarily for TODAY.
Now, for those analyticos who are reading this (Hmmm.... how do I know what in the world an ANALYTICO is? Because YOURS TRULY is one himself, that's why.) This isn't a 'poor man's philosphy,' and this isn't a 'loser philosophy,' this is 'WHERE IT'S AT' totally. ALL great accomplishments in the WORLD have been done because the achiever (like you and me) sets a goal and does all that she or he can do TODAY. They don't take this whole year all together or this whole month all together or this week all together. No, they don't. No, we don't.
We take it one day at a time.
And, yes, I do count those days very publically as many of you know. Actually, I write the day count with a marker on my arm that is visible to anyone I come into contact with. Honestly, it's MY primary benefit: being 'vocal' about my day count helps me to SECURE the sobriety. That way, if I'm ever in a bar listening to a friend play music, I avoid the temptation TOTALLY because my sobriety day count was my #1 priority every day.
(And, by the way, the few times that I've been in a bar to hear a friend sing and play guitar, I carried a Dr. Pepper in the bar with me, I held the Dr. Pepper the ENTIRE time, and when asked if I'd like another soda I just held up the Dr. Pepper and said, "No thank you, I'm good." I was NOT going to chance it. Yep, sobriety is my NUMBER ONE priority.
NO
MATTER
WHAT
I also want to influence others to be TOTALLY sober. Do drugs, no alcohol, no tobacco. Sure, medically one can say that 'it's ok to drink' or 'it's ok to smoke' on occasion, and I'm not going to argue that. (Believe me, there is TONS of data that lead me to want to argue that, but I won't.) For me, I WILL REMAIN completely sober FOR THE WHOLE DAY TODAY. I desire to influence others to also stay COMPLETELY SOBER.
COMPLETELY.
Check this out: in our culture, you know what some scientists say is harder than marijuana, harder than alcohol, and harder than caffeine to OVERCOME the addiction to it? TOBACCO. Especially SMOKED tobacco. My mother, who has been an angel in all of her support for me through my battle with drugs, through my accident, and through my recovery, recently JUST STOPPED SMOKING. She smoked cigarettes for OVER 40 YEARS daily. But, she decided personally that she could overcome that and as of today SHE has been totally off of tobacco for almost 2 months. (And, yes, mom, I still count your days to the day, too, thanks to my MS Excel spreadsheet, so technically, you've been off of cigarettes for 1 month and 20 days today. Good job, mom. I'm so proud of you. I love you.)
For those who are battling one of these for themselves -- drug use like I battled, alcohol use which is a problem for some, or tobacco use which my mom just overcame, let me say this: please do not OVERSTEP your boundary. You are not magical. You cannot say that you're going to be off of it UNTIL ETERNITY. You HAVE to look at your situation and say that you'll do it primarily for TODAY.
Now, for those analyticos who are reading this (Hmmm.... how do I know what in the world an ANALYTICO is? Because YOURS TRULY is one himself, that's why.) This isn't a 'poor man's philosphy,' and this isn't a 'loser philosophy,' this is 'WHERE IT'S AT' totally. ALL great accomplishments in the WORLD have been done because the achiever (like you and me) sets a goal and does all that she or he can do TODAY. They don't take this whole year all together or this whole month all together or this week all together. No, they don't. No, we don't.
We take it one day at a time.
4/19/12
Encouraging / Influencing Others: It's a Two Way Street
So, for me, on the day that I'm writing this, my day count is 3 9 27. That is, I have been sober for 3 years, 8 months, and 27 days. I believe that it's my life calling to influence other people to NOT go down this road AT ALL. Meaning NO DRUGS at all. For some like myself, it's also NO ALCOHOL at all. For some who have just quit smoking it's NO TOBACCO at all. I also know people who have stopped TOBACCO who had not been smoking it, but who had been dipping it (using snuff).
I appreciate the fact that my success in this area can help others clean up their act, too.
Still, there are many life goals that I currently have that I'm looking to others to model my behavior after them. For example, I'm currently in college and I want to be a good student, so I've learned that I need to read / study regularly. I'm so glad that there are others that I can model that after AND I'm also appreciative of the fact that I can tell people that I want to do it, and they soon after ENCOURAGE ME because they simply ask, "So, how's studying going, Curt?" I can say, "Well, I still haven't made it a priority," I can say, "I'm doing a little better by study better than I was," or I can say, "I'm doing WONDERS compared to where I was before -- I'm studying very often now." Eventually, won't it be good to say, "I study every chance I get. Morning, night, in between classes. I even keep my book in my car so that when I'm stopped at a red light I can just read some more."
Ok, now HOPEFULLY you get the joke there. Of course, it's good to improve to a certain point -- but, we don't have to be crazy about it.
The main point that I want to make here is that I'm so appreciative of the fact that I can MODEL my behavior after others in my life in some regards. Whether it's studying more, being a better friend, being a stronger Christian, being more physicalling active, running more, working out more -- there are PEOPLE that I can get their ideas AND express my desire to do it. Some I can model my behavior AFTER their behavior.
While I want to influence other people who are trying to get sober, I'm also aware that's it's never a 'done deal.' That is, I also have to keep my sobriety as a TOP priority. So, people who are trying to get clean, I want to encourage them, too. Still, there are many things that I'm so glad that I have people in my life who I can model MY BEHAVIOR after their behavior. If I want to be a better student, if I want to be a better runner, or if I want to eventually meet a woman that I choose to marry and that chooses to marry me. There are many people who have shown me that that is possible, and I'm thankful to God because their in my life.
I appreciate the fact that my success in this area can help others clean up their act, too.
Still, there are many life goals that I currently have that I'm looking to others to model my behavior after them. For example, I'm currently in college and I want to be a good student, so I've learned that I need to read / study regularly. I'm so glad that there are others that I can model that after AND I'm also appreciative of the fact that I can tell people that I want to do it, and they soon after ENCOURAGE ME because they simply ask, "So, how's studying going, Curt?" I can say, "Well, I still haven't made it a priority," I can say, "I'm doing a little better by study better than I was," or I can say, "I'm doing WONDERS compared to where I was before -- I'm studying very often now." Eventually, won't it be good to say, "I study every chance I get. Morning, night, in between classes. I even keep my book in my car so that when I'm stopped at a red light I can just read some more."
Ok, now HOPEFULLY you get the joke there. Of course, it's good to improve to a certain point -- but, we don't have to be crazy about it.
The main point that I want to make here is that I'm so appreciative of the fact that I can MODEL my behavior after others in my life in some regards. Whether it's studying more, being a better friend, being a stronger Christian, being more physicalling active, running more, working out more -- there are PEOPLE that I can get their ideas AND express my desire to do it. Some I can model my behavior AFTER their behavior.
While I want to influence other people who are trying to get sober, I'm also aware that's it's never a 'done deal.' That is, I also have to keep my sobriety as a TOP priority. So, people who are trying to get clean, I want to encourage them, too. Still, there are many things that I'm so glad that I have people in my life who I can model MY BEHAVIOR after their behavior. If I want to be a better student, if I want to be a better runner, or if I want to eventually meet a woman that I choose to marry and that chooses to marry me. There are many people who have shown me that that is possible, and I'm thankful to God because their in my life.
4/5/12
I Love God for the Gift from Above
You know what: You that I -- that is CURTIS -- used to believe that there might not be a 'higher power' with all of the things that we had already 'figured out.' Technology, details, infrastructure, composition were all ways that we could determine the make ups of various things. We just needed 'a little more time' and we'd figure out the next thing.
So, therefore I called myself agnostic.
There are 3 categories of people in relationship to God: There are believers, or theists. Then there are nonbelievers, or atheists. The third group of people pride themselves as 'agnostic.'
The word 'Agnostic' is the Latin word that means 'does not know.'
Well, here's my revelation that I want to share with the people who call themselves 'agnostic:' In all of the history books ever written, there were literally only a handful of people who EVER KNEW that there was a higher power / a god. That is, for any religion, no one KNEW if a god was real or not for the other 99.99999% of us. So, honestly, we're ALL 'agnostic.'
Then the issue is this: what do you BELIEVE?
For me, I believe in God. I believe in Christ. I even went to Israel recently and let me tell you what: if YOU WOULD JUST SEE the land where Jesus is historically known to have been, your belief that Jesus was the Christ -- or, the Messiah -- will grow tremendously. The word 'messiah' means the promised and expected deliverer of the Jewish people.
Also, the Jewish religion now has a group called the Messianic Jews in Messianic Judaism. They say that Jesus WAS the Messiah. Even though Jesus was Jewish, the Jewish culture did not believe that Jesus was the son of God / the Messiah, which is why they hung him on the cross to die. But, a Messianic Jewish person still has the same cultural behaviors of another Jewish person, but the believe that Jesus was actually the son of God.
If you go to Israel, you'll be so refreshed because you'll see that prayer is heard. Also, 'prayer' is a two-way communication: a time to TALK to God, AND a time to LISTEN to God.
In my daily prayer, I 'talk to God,' and then I have a time where I sit and 'listen to God'. That's a quiet time where I'm being receptive to whatever comes up for me: emotions, thoughts, physical sensations. And, I'm new at this as I've only been Christian for over 3 years, but it's making a tremendous difference now that God is part of my life.
I'll say this as I wrap up: God knows what I'm writing. He knows the sincerity with which I try to convey God's love for us, why I love Him in return, and how I try to influence you to love God more. I mean, if your friend drove you to work, wouldn't you love her for it? If your sibling washed your dishes for you, would you love him for it? God knows that I love Him for all He has done for me -- and will continue to do for me.
Every morning when I awake, I know that because I'm breathing, because I'm alert and conscious, God loves me. And, it's an honor to be able to say back to God, "I love you, too."
P.S. For further reading, you can go here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Messianic_Judaism
So, therefore I called myself agnostic.
There are 3 categories of people in relationship to God: There are believers, or theists. Then there are nonbelievers, or atheists. The third group of people pride themselves as 'agnostic.'
The word 'Agnostic' is the Latin word that means 'does not know.'
Well, here's my revelation that I want to share with the people who call themselves 'agnostic:' In all of the history books ever written, there were literally only a handful of people who EVER KNEW that there was a higher power / a god. That is, for any religion, no one KNEW if a god was real or not for the other 99.99999% of us. So, honestly, we're ALL 'agnostic.'
Then the issue is this: what do you BELIEVE?
For me, I believe in God. I believe in Christ. I even went to Israel recently and let me tell you what: if YOU WOULD JUST SEE the land where Jesus is historically known to have been, your belief that Jesus was the Christ -- or, the Messiah -- will grow tremendously. The word 'messiah' means the promised and expected deliverer of the Jewish people.
Also, the Jewish religion now has a group called the Messianic Jews in Messianic Judaism. They say that Jesus WAS the Messiah. Even though Jesus was Jewish, the Jewish culture did not believe that Jesus was the son of God / the Messiah, which is why they hung him on the cross to die. But, a Messianic Jewish person still has the same cultural behaviors of another Jewish person, but the believe that Jesus was actually the son of God.
If you go to Israel, you'll be so refreshed because you'll see that prayer is heard. Also, 'prayer' is a two-way communication: a time to TALK to God, AND a time to LISTEN to God.
In my daily prayer, I 'talk to God,' and then I have a time where I sit and 'listen to God'. That's a quiet time where I'm being receptive to whatever comes up for me: emotions, thoughts, physical sensations. And, I'm new at this as I've only been Christian for over 3 years, but it's making a tremendous difference now that God is part of my life.
I'll say this as I wrap up: God knows what I'm writing. He knows the sincerity with which I try to convey God's love for us, why I love Him in return, and how I try to influence you to love God more. I mean, if your friend drove you to work, wouldn't you love her for it? If your sibling washed your dishes for you, would you love him for it? God knows that I love Him for all He has done for me -- and will continue to do for me.
Every morning when I awake, I know that because I'm breathing, because I'm alert and conscious, God loves me. And, it's an honor to be able to say back to God, "I love you, too."
P.S. For further reading, you can go here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Messianic_Judaism
3/31/12
I'm So Glad to Share My Message With Youth
Hello all:
(Forgive this long posting. This is a request to have me share the message to schools AND I'M OFFERING TO DO THIS FOR FREE TO SCHOOLS. Please read on.)
It's been a while since I've done this. My last posting was Dec 18, 2011, so OVER 3 months ago! But, I'm glad to be doing this again.
First of all, after my rehabilitation time (6 months at Pate Rehabiliation in Anna, Texas) I have given over FIFTY speeches. That is, over 50 times I shared with people -- and, mostly with youth -- why THEY DO NOT WANT to take the risk that led me to a horrible state -- FOR SEVERAL YEARS.
And, again let me say this -- BECAUSE I WANT MY STORY TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE: I had a problem with 'substance abuse' AKA 'chemical dependency' AKA drugs and it took me not weeks, not months, but literally YEARS to get to the point where I sobered up. This was such a demon for me. But, today I've had the demon behind me for 3 years, 9 months, and 8 days. And, truly, for the first several MONTHS of sobriety (well, over 1 year, actually -- which is HARD TO CONFESS), I was in the hospital and rehabilitation. So, 'sobering up' was EASY in that situation, right?
Hardly -- it's the HARDEST THING I have ever been through -- AND the hardest thing that ANYONE ELSE would also have to go through.
Now, I've seen FIRST HAND that sharing this message IS HELPING young people. See, a young person always hears "no drugs" from their teachers, their parents, and the 'officials' -- like the Dr.'s -- so they don't go down this road. But, my story CAN help shape the youth's minds toward this issue. I mean this so intensely -- I WANT TO KEEP THEM FROM TRYING anything.
Another trouble with young people is that their body is so agile still that THEY CAN RECOVER from a drunkeness or a high EASILY. So, they don't experience the same detriment that older people do. So, they might think it doesn't apply to them personally. But, THEY WILL ALSO AGE if they've already developed the BEHAVIOR where 'it's ok to drink something or use something' then it WILL catch up with them. I know this FIRST HAND.
So, all that's being said because I want to share this: when I speak to youth groups, I ask for a fee of $500. I've also asked for that fee from high schools. I NEVER want a fee from a church, because after my accident I'm a strong believer now. But, I know that high schools have limited budgets AND I've seen SO MUCH receipt of my message by the high school students. So, no longer do I ask for a fee from a high school. Sure, I do desire travel to be supported so it doesn't cost me, BUT I have no desire to take money from the high school. It's much more important to me to share the message and INFLUENCE THE YOUTH. So, the fee is not 'required' to get me to share the message. I believe this is MY LIFE'S PURPOSE, so I want to influence EVERYONE I can to not go down this road.
So, I have no marketing 'schtik' really, BUT for anyone who reads this -- can you please help me speak to the high schools so that the students, too, MAKE THE CHOICE TO BE SOBER -- like I'm making the choice to be sober now. I am free on Tue and Thu from college this semester and completely open over the summer. I can also miss some class if I schedule it around my tests.
And, also, I'll say this so that you know I'm VERY SERIOUS about this. I'm going back to college now to be a LCDC -- Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor. My sobriety is my NUMBER 1 priority. I give God credit (and thank Him) for getting me through all of this. And, for schools I don't confuse the drug issue talking about Christ because I BELIEVE THAT GOD WANTS ME TO INFLUENCE THEM TO STAY SOBER so that they can listen to Him later. So, know it's an important part to me personallly, BUT I DO NOT talk about it at a school unless the school asks me to.
Thank you for reading this entire Blog Posting. -- Curtis
12/18/11
The Times They Are aChangin'
Well, I have now completed my first semester back at college. I passed two different classes which I'm very proud of. I was taking Introduction to Counseling (in which I got an A) and also Abnormal Psychology (which I had a B average in).
Book work is harder than it used to be, but it's my hope that it's going to keep improving. I plan to take two more classes next semester to be sure that I solidify my ability to do it. Even though I got all the work turned in, reading and the REMEMBERING WHAT I READ is much more challenging than it used to be. But, it's my belief that it's going to continue.
There is also a group in Glen Rose with which I'll be going to visit Israel soon. That's right -- it's the biggest gift imaginable; I'll get to walk ON THE LAND where Christ got to walk. I'm a new believer -- as many know -- and I'm so blessed to get to have that experience. The group that's hosting the trip is the Father's House Foundation in Glen Rose, Texas, which is a wonderful, wonderful group both in it's mission for families, AND in it's connection to God's purpose here on Earth.
I only titled this 'the times they are changing' for fun. Of course, things ALWAYS are progressing / adjusting /changing. I have no observations about how things are hard, or challenging like would often be my situation whenever I would do a blog. I just feel so Blessed to be moving forward in life. Thank you to all who read this. It's my Prayer that it moves you in the way that you need to be moved right now.
Book work is harder than it used to be, but it's my hope that it's going to keep improving. I plan to take two more classes next semester to be sure that I solidify my ability to do it. Even though I got all the work turned in, reading and the REMEMBERING WHAT I READ is much more challenging than it used to be. But, it's my belief that it's going to continue.
There is also a group in Glen Rose with which I'll be going to visit Israel soon. That's right -- it's the biggest gift imaginable; I'll get to walk ON THE LAND where Christ got to walk. I'm a new believer -- as many know -- and I'm so blessed to get to have that experience. The group that's hosting the trip is the Father's House Foundation in Glen Rose, Texas, which is a wonderful, wonderful group both in it's mission for families, AND in it's connection to God's purpose here on Earth.
I only titled this 'the times they are changing' for fun. Of course, things ALWAYS are progressing / adjusting /changing. I have no observations about how things are hard, or challenging like would often be my situation whenever I would do a blog. I just feel so Blessed to be moving forward in life. Thank you to all who read this. It's my Prayer that it moves you in the way that you need to be moved right now.
11/27/11
Greetings
Hello to all who reads this!
Now, I've come BACK to the blogspot (after a day or two, I mean a month or two, oh, nevermind.) (-:
Life is good for me; I'm now a student at Tarrant County College striving to become a LCDC -- Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor. That way, I can help people. I've come to know that this is a VERY needed field; I have 'street knowlege' that says so, and now I'm studying more about what's behind the mental state that leads to it -- and how to get out of it.
My belief in Christ is new, too, and I'm so blessed to have the encouragement to develop that relationship as well.
Well, we'll see if anyone is still seeing this after all this time. My email is [email protected], and I'm also on Facebook it anyone wants to get in touch with me.
C-
Now, I've come BACK to the blogspot (after a day or two, I mean a month or two, oh, nevermind.) (-:
Life is good for me; I'm now a student at Tarrant County College striving to become a LCDC -- Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor. That way, I can help people. I've come to know that this is a VERY needed field; I have 'street knowlege' that says so, and now I'm studying more about what's behind the mental state that leads to it -- and how to get out of it.
My belief in Christ is new, too, and I'm so blessed to have the encouragement to develop that relationship as well.
Well, we'll see if anyone is still seeing this after all this time. My email is [email protected], and I'm also on Facebook it anyone wants to get in touch with me.
C-
10/16/10
Speaking Engagements & Other Work As Needed
Hello there, "reader,"
(Yes, I'm not sure what to call you, I suppose!) (-: So, the Texas DARS group has brought me up to speed on the Vocational Rehabilitation program. The word is that I don't need it intensely, so that I can move toward trying to land a job. They are doing some work with me to help me figure out what I can do and also what I want to do, and we're making steps toward that.
But, another avenue is coming around, too. Last week there were three chances for me to speak go high school students about life's choices, and I was so glad to get to do that. I'm working on creating a wesbsite to allow some information for this, and a some promotional material, too.
There's still an occupational / income avenue that I am also walking down as well.
I'm on Facebook, on MySpace, and I also am working on my website, who's URL I'll disclose when I feel it is somewhat ready!
(Yes, I'm not sure what to call you, I suppose!) (-: So, the Texas DARS group has brought me up to speed on the Vocational Rehabilitation program. The word is that I don't need it intensely, so that I can move toward trying to land a job. They are doing some work with me to help me figure out what I can do and also what I want to do, and we're making steps toward that.
But, another avenue is coming around, too. Last week there were three chances for me to speak go high school students about life's choices, and I was so glad to get to do that. I'm working on creating a wesbsite to allow some information for this, and a some promotional material, too.
There's still an occupational / income avenue that I am also walking down as well.
I'm on Facebook, on MySpace, and I also am working on my website, who's URL I'll disclose when I feel it is somewhat ready!
9/18/10
"Soon" takes on a whole new meaning
On 5/18 (4 months ago today) in my last Blog Posting, I said "soon" to start the work program. Well, I've been taught what the word "soon" means to some.
I thought that I would be starting it within a month -- maybe up to two -- but it has taken already FOUR months from that date, and almost FIVE months since I was done at the first rehabilitation program.
It's true that government employees have told me, "Curtis, expect government work to take longer that it should." Well, they were right. It has taken longer than it should have.
But, even still, I'm still waiting as patiently as I can. My hope is to be approved to do the Pate Rehabilitation at Villa Creek, and I've been reassigned to the Tarrant County north office for DARS in Texas. My address at my sister's in Ft. Worth (near Hurst), and that makes me a Tarrant County resident.
Still, I think that I may as well go ahead and look for work -- or some type of internship -- while this is in the air. I've already got three speaking engagements, and I'd like to turn that into a tool as well. Not that I necessarily want to make money speaking, but I feel as though I've been handed the speaking opportunity with my story. And, I belive that God had so much to do in making this a reality for me. In fact, I was agnostic, more or less, before this ordeal, but now I'm a believer in the Heavenly Father who is looking out for us. Sure, there are things that I wonder about in relationship to one religion, on e God, eternal life, etcetera, but here IN THIS LIFE I feel as though I have been touched BIG TIME by the Father in Heaven. And, that is why I became Christian.
Sure, it worries me, at times, to vocalize my thoughts very directly, but worried as I might have been at times, I'm not worried right now about sharing my deep feelings/thoughts on this.
May the eternal Father touch you in whatever way is needed -- necessary or desired -- at this point. I'm asking the Father to touch anyone who reads this. That's right, I mean you. (-:
I thought that I would be starting it within a month -- maybe up to two -- but it has taken already FOUR months from that date, and almost FIVE months since I was done at the first rehabilitation program.
It's true that government employees have told me, "Curtis, expect government work to take longer that it should." Well, they were right. It has taken longer than it should have.
But, even still, I'm still waiting as patiently as I can. My hope is to be approved to do the Pate Rehabilitation at Villa Creek, and I've been reassigned to the Tarrant County north office for DARS in Texas. My address at my sister's in Ft. Worth (near Hurst), and that makes me a Tarrant County resident.
Still, I think that I may as well go ahead and look for work -- or some type of internship -- while this is in the air. I've already got three speaking engagements, and I'd like to turn that into a tool as well. Not that I necessarily want to make money speaking, but I feel as though I've been handed the speaking opportunity with my story. And, I belive that God had so much to do in making this a reality for me. In fact, I was agnostic, more or less, before this ordeal, but now I'm a believer in the Heavenly Father who is looking out for us. Sure, there are things that I wonder about in relationship to one religion, on e God, eternal life, etcetera, but here IN THIS LIFE I feel as though I have been touched BIG TIME by the Father in Heaven. And, that is why I became Christian.
Sure, it worries me, at times, to vocalize my thoughts very directly, but worried as I might have been at times, I'm not worried right now about sharing my deep feelings/thoughts on this.
May the eternal Father touch you in whatever way is needed -- necessary or desired -- at this point. I'm asking the Father to touch anyone who reads this. That's right, I mean you. (-:
5/18/10
Soon to start the work program
I'll soon start the work program back in the State of Texas. I completed the Pate Rehabilitation for what is classified as "Independent Living," and now I'll begin the journey for getting back into the workplace.
There is no doubt that these are good steps, and I'm anxious to have them completed. And, I want to complete this next one fully -- very well. When I go to interview for a job, I'd like to show the future employer that I took the steps to get me ready for the workplace. And, I'd also like to improve whatever I need to improve to make me a good worker.
Today is Tuesday, May 18th, and next in just two weeks Tuesday, June 1st I'll have a meeting with the employment program to start this process.
This has been quite a saga, let me tell you. I'm so glad to be able to do many basic things that humans are supposed to be able to do. In fact, I feel Blessed through it all. And, sure, there are times when I don't feel good and I'm like "Oh man, I am so upset about this situation," but over time it turns out that it was just a bump in the road.
And, traveling down the road is the goal. And, that road right now is carved by the work program.
There is no doubt that these are good steps, and I'm anxious to have them completed. And, I want to complete this next one fully -- very well. When I go to interview for a job, I'd like to show the future employer that I took the steps to get me ready for the workplace. And, I'd also like to improve whatever I need to improve to make me a good worker.
Today is Tuesday, May 18th, and next in just two weeks Tuesday, June 1st I'll have a meeting with the employment program to start this process.
This has been quite a saga, let me tell you. I'm so glad to be able to do many basic things that humans are supposed to be able to do. In fact, I feel Blessed through it all. And, sure, there are times when I don't feel good and I'm like "Oh man, I am so upset about this situation," but over time it turns out that it was just a bump in the road.
And, traveling down the road is the goal. And, that road right now is carved by the work program.
4/24/10
I"m Completing THIS WEEK Pate Rehabilitation
I'm so much looking forward to completing Pate Rehabilitation this week. I'll be done on Thursday, April 29th. My start date was October 29th. So, that is EXACTLY six months.
And, this was time-well-spent as far as I am concerned. Many basics of life were handled like memory and physical ability. But, I feel like one of the greatest benefits was emotional management. (Or, maybe I could even say "the greatest benefit" was emotional management.)
The issue I had was that when I got a little upset about something, it TOTALLY AFFECTED by behaviour. I wasn't able to contain my emotions, like anger, frustration, disappointment, sadness, AT ALL. But, after six months of testing this and working on it, I believe that I learned INTENSELY how to cope with situations that may arise in life.
Actually, I said "situtations that may" arise, but the truth is that they are "situations that absolutely will" arise.
And sure, the doctor's said that this would likely be one of the temporary side effects of my injury. That I would feel things much more deeply than I used to. But, the good news is this: that I after a while, the intensity of that feeling gets back to normal. Sure, there have been several people that said that it might not get back to normal, but, I'm here to say to those people that people just need a little more time -- and guidance -- to make it happen. So, don't give up. Even when things get hard. Don't give up.
So, soon, I'll be done with this portion of rehabilitation. Then, it is on to making sure that I'm ready for a job. There is also a vocational rehabilitation program here at Pate (and in some other places in Texas and maybe in LA) that may be the next line of business.
And, this was time-well-spent as far as I am concerned. Many basics of life were handled like memory and physical ability. But, I feel like one of the greatest benefits was emotional management. (Or, maybe I could even say "the greatest benefit" was emotional management.)
The issue I had was that when I got a little upset about something, it TOTALLY AFFECTED by behaviour. I wasn't able to contain my emotions, like anger, frustration, disappointment, sadness, AT ALL. But, after six months of testing this and working on it, I believe that I learned INTENSELY how to cope with situations that may arise in life.
Actually, I said "situtations that may" arise, but the truth is that they are "situations that absolutely will" arise.
And sure, the doctor's said that this would likely be one of the temporary side effects of my injury. That I would feel things much more deeply than I used to. But, the good news is this: that I after a while, the intensity of that feeling gets back to normal. Sure, there have been several people that said that it might not get back to normal, but, I'm here to say to those people that people just need a little more time -- and guidance -- to make it happen. So, don't give up. Even when things get hard. Don't give up.
So, soon, I'll be done with this portion of rehabilitation. Then, it is on to making sure that I'm ready for a job. There is also a vocational rehabilitation program here at Pate (and in some other places in Texas and maybe in LA) that may be the next line of business.
3/24/10
I'm so glad to be learning (and improving) so much
I've turned a corner recently. Today, Elaine received some help from me in Microsoft Excel. Of course, for me, it was "easy as pie" because I have a long computer history, but for people who aren't as familiar with Excel it would be a challenge.
And, what is so great about this is that SHE ASKED ME for some help. Now, this is VERY different from my situation for the last several days (actually, several weeks, no sorry months, no sorry, year and one half!). And this is so relevant because I believe that one thing I am to learn in this experience is the value of help from others.
And, let me tell you, there is nothing more special than being able to HELP someone who has helped you.
I also was asked for some help TODAY with someone's iPhone. Something I can do easily, and I showed her how to do it. Wow, it makes me feel so good to help other people. Like, I matter in some way.
I recently gave a presentation here at Pate and I commented on the trying to "help others help others." And, what a Blessing that now others are feeling more comfortable asking ME to help.
I matter.
(-:
This has been quite an ordeal, let me tell you. And now, it looks like I'm at the spot of being to "give back" to others. I am so motivated to do so. I want to. I really, really do.
There is so much more to learn, I know that. But, I am SO THANKFUL to have learned what I have already learned. Thank you, thank you, and thank you.
And, what is so great about this is that SHE ASKED ME for some help. Now, this is VERY different from my situation for the last several days (actually, several weeks, no sorry months, no sorry, year and one half!). And this is so relevant because I believe that one thing I am to learn in this experience is the value of help from others.
And, let me tell you, there is nothing more special than being able to HELP someone who has helped you.
I also was asked for some help TODAY with someone's iPhone. Something I can do easily, and I showed her how to do it. Wow, it makes me feel so good to help other people. Like, I matter in some way.
I recently gave a presentation here at Pate and I commented on the trying to "help others help others." And, what a Blessing that now others are feeling more comfortable asking ME to help.
I matter.
(-:
This has been quite an ordeal, let me tell you. And now, it looks like I'm at the spot of being to "give back" to others. I am so motivated to do so. I want to. I really, really do.
There is so much more to learn, I know that. But, I am SO THANKFUL to have learned what I have already learned. Thank you, thank you, and thank you.
3/4/10
The goals have changed here at Pate..
...and so, I'm staying until late April as originally planned.
And, the "addition" to the goal is to improve my frustrated way of behaving in many situations. And, this is an important improvement to make for the future of job searching, and being a strong family member and friend.
So, in spite of my somewhat-anger-caused desire to leave, I'm staying with it until late April and going to reach the goal of dealing well with frustrating situations.
And, I'm very appreciative to the workers at Pate for their contribution to my handling these situations better!
And, the "addition" to the goal is to improve my frustrated way of behaving in many situations. And, this is an important improvement to make for the future of job searching, and being a strong family member and friend.
So, in spite of my somewhat-anger-caused desire to leave, I'm staying with it until late April and going to reach the goal of dealing well with frustrating situations.
And, I'm very appreciative to the workers at Pate for their contribution to my handling these situations better!
3/2/10
The "final stretch"
Hello there! Now, I've stepped around the corner and made ALOT of progress while here at Pate Rehabilitation. I've met some of the goals sooner than expected, and some of the goals are still needed to be reached, but my NEW DEPARTURE DATE has changed! Instead of LATE APRIL it is now planned to be Friday, March 26, 2010.
So, now that I take these final steps toward "health," I'm so thankful for what Pate Rehabilitation has done for me. And thank you, too, Elaine, for encouraging this. (Very wonderful, Sweetheat.)
So, all-in-all, I started at Pate on October 29, 2009 and I'm leaving Pate on March 26, 2010. That is just shy of FIVE MONTHS of this activity. (This very beneficial activity, I might add.) And, right now I'm shooting for just about 24 days from today! So, a total of almost FIVE months! It has been so worth it, I have to say!
So, this "final stretch" of Pate Rehabilitation is happening now! And, then, we'll see what the future holds!
Curtis
So, now that I take these final steps toward "health," I'm so thankful for what Pate Rehabilitation has done for me. And thank you, too, Elaine, for encouraging this. (Very wonderful, Sweetheat.)
So, all-in-all, I started at Pate on October 29, 2009 and I'm leaving Pate on March 26, 2010. That is just shy of FIVE MONTHS of this activity. (This very beneficial activity, I might add.) And, right now I'm shooting for just about 24 days from today! So, a total of almost FIVE months! It has been so worth it, I have to say!
So, this "final stretch" of Pate Rehabilitation is happening now! And, then, we'll see what the future holds!
Curtis
2/17/10
About 2 months more at Pate Rehabilitation
Hello there to 'you.'
Now, currently I'm in a portion of Pate Rehabilitation where we evaluate future employment. So, I don't know how this will work out, but because of my injury I haven't worked almost two years. So, the hope right now is to land an "internship" near Anna (near Dallas) to progress (and to show future employers that I'm employable.)
Sure, there is a part of me that wants to go into the speaking bit. Because, I have had an intense experience and want to encourage people to "keep trying." But, what is ironic is I NEED TO KEEP TRYING, and it is funny that I want to encourage others to try.
And, actually, I really do feel like the most effective way to "encourage others to try" is by "trying yourself." Interesting.
But, for me, it has been intense, let me tell you. It took time before I could stand. It took time before I could walk. It took time before I could walk without a walker. And, I am now taking 2 - 2.5 mile walks daily. (Actually, twice daily, just to "brag." (-: ) And, I "hope" to be jogging again, too, but the physical therapist here has told me that it isn't time yet.
The other day I made a presentation here at Pate where I encourage peopled to "help others" and also to "help others help others." Because, really, that is something that I want to focus on. Helping others help others. So, I need to be willing to walk the walk, too. Because, one of the best way to help others is to walk the same path.
Now, I don't know what the future holds for me. It may be just being employed here or in Dallas for a while. Trying to show employers that I can work, and also, there are some components of working that I am sure are rusty for me. But, in time, I'll renew those, too.
So, I'm off to do some more rehabilitation tasks. I don't like some of the things I'm asked to do, but I just accept it because in the big picture I'm growing. I don't like everything I'm doing, but I like growing. So, that is enough for me. (-:
I've instant messaged with folks on AOL Insant Messenger, and let me tell you that I feel like I'm coming back around in many ways. (I'd tell you who they are, but I hate to get it out. Because this Blog is read by 10's of thousands of people, right? No? Ok, then, thousands? No? Ok, then, at least hundreds, right? Ok, I'm going to stop wondering. It isn't as important to"be heard" as it is "to speak" anyway.)
(-:
My prayer is that you have a great day, and make some progress toward your goal.
Now, currently I'm in a portion of Pate Rehabilitation where we evaluate future employment. So, I don't know how this will work out, but because of my injury I haven't worked almost two years. So, the hope right now is to land an "internship" near Anna (near Dallas) to progress (and to show future employers that I'm employable.)
Sure, there is a part of me that wants to go into the speaking bit. Because, I have had an intense experience and want to encourage people to "keep trying." But, what is ironic is I NEED TO KEEP TRYING, and it is funny that I want to encourage others to try.
And, actually, I really do feel like the most effective way to "encourage others to try" is by "trying yourself." Interesting.
But, for me, it has been intense, let me tell you. It took time before I could stand. It took time before I could walk. It took time before I could walk without a walker. And, I am now taking 2 - 2.5 mile walks daily. (Actually, twice daily, just to "brag." (-: ) And, I "hope" to be jogging again, too, but the physical therapist here has told me that it isn't time yet.
The other day I made a presentation here at Pate where I encourage peopled to "help others" and also to "help others help others." Because, really, that is something that I want to focus on. Helping others help others. So, I need to be willing to walk the walk, too. Because, one of the best way to help others is to walk the same path.
Now, I don't know what the future holds for me. It may be just being employed here or in Dallas for a while. Trying to show employers that I can work, and also, there are some components of working that I am sure are rusty for me. But, in time, I'll renew those, too.
So, I'm off to do some more rehabilitation tasks. I don't like some of the things I'm asked to do, but I just accept it because in the big picture I'm growing. I don't like everything I'm doing, but I like growing. So, that is enough for me. (-:
I've instant messaged with folks on AOL Insant Messenger, and let me tell you that I feel like I'm coming back around in many ways. (I'd tell you who they are, but I hate to get it out. Because this Blog is read by 10's of thousands of people, right? No? Ok, then, thousands? No? Ok, then, at least hundreds, right? Ok, I'm going to stop wondering. It isn't as important to"be heard" as it is "to speak" anyway.)
(-:
My prayer is that you have a great day, and make some progress toward your goal.
2/7/10
Month Two of A New Year
There are twelve months in a year. And, we have now left the first month and entered the second. It is great to be coming back around, that is for sure. And, interesting to see small improvements over and over.
And sure, I still haven't made it a habit to update this often. Once per month only. But, I have to STILL think that I am going to make that change and update this blog at least more frequently. Maybe even MORE times that JUST ONCE per month! Crazy, I know!
(-:
What is interesting is to see improvements in mental clarity keep happening. I feel again "like a human." I know that can be hard to really take in and get, but I'm telling you, it is THE ACTUAL truth of how I have felt. It's not just a science fiction episode of some sort. IT IS MY LIFE. I lived through it.
And, I tell you what, I have learned that improvements CAN HAPPEN and WILL HAPPEN if you "set your mind to them." I'm so happy for that, that is for sure.
And sure, I have some things to still improve. And, that is OK as far as I'm concerned. IMPROVEMENT should always take place. I'm in the journey called "rehabilitation" now. But, when I'm done with this journey, I think that I'll be in rehabilitation for the rest of my life. IMPROVE. IMPROVE. IMPROVE.
And, that is not to say that you should not be satisfied with where you are. That is just to say that where you are should be the improvement place. But, I don't want to work too hard. Improve. Rest. Improve. Rest. Improve. Rest.
(And, Elaine, you're in there, too. You're a big reason that I want to improve.)
I'm so glad to have gotten reconnected with many friends. And, I have to tell you, I am praying A LOT now and OFTEN. And, I sometimes vocalize my prayers. Because, a prayer is "me talking to God." And, to "talk" to God, I talk to God. It doesn't mean that he can't hear mental prayers, but I feel like I'm expressing myself more clearly when I'm talking. (And, I'm sure the other patients here at Pate wonder why there is someone in his room 'talking to himself.')
(-:
So, my greetings go out and I say "Happy New Month" to you. Sure, I've already given a "Happy New Year," but right now it is a new month.
So, Happy New Month to you!
(-:
Curtis C Childers
(curtchil98 at gmail.com)
And sure, I still haven't made it a habit to update this often. Once per month only. But, I have to STILL think that I am going to make that change and update this blog at least more frequently. Maybe even MORE times that JUST ONCE per month! Crazy, I know!
(-:
What is interesting is to see improvements in mental clarity keep happening. I feel again "like a human." I know that can be hard to really take in and get, but I'm telling you, it is THE ACTUAL truth of how I have felt. It's not just a science fiction episode of some sort. IT IS MY LIFE. I lived through it.
And, I tell you what, I have learned that improvements CAN HAPPEN and WILL HAPPEN if you "set your mind to them." I'm so happy for that, that is for sure.
And sure, I have some things to still improve. And, that is OK as far as I'm concerned. IMPROVEMENT should always take place. I'm in the journey called "rehabilitation" now. But, when I'm done with this journey, I think that I'll be in rehabilitation for the rest of my life. IMPROVE. IMPROVE. IMPROVE.
And, that is not to say that you should not be satisfied with where you are. That is just to say that where you are should be the improvement place. But, I don't want to work too hard. Improve. Rest. Improve. Rest. Improve. Rest.
(And, Elaine, you're in there, too. You're a big reason that I want to improve.)
I'm so glad to have gotten reconnected with many friends. And, I have to tell you, I am praying A LOT now and OFTEN. And, I sometimes vocalize my prayers. Because, a prayer is "me talking to God." And, to "talk" to God, I talk to God. It doesn't mean that he can't hear mental prayers, but I feel like I'm expressing myself more clearly when I'm talking. (And, I'm sure the other patients here at Pate wonder why there is someone in his room 'talking to himself.')
(-:
So, my greetings go out and I say "Happy New Month" to you. Sure, I've already given a "Happy New Year," but right now it is a new month.
So, Happy New Month to you!
(-:
Curtis C Childers
(curtchil98 at gmail.com)
1/10/10
A New Year -- (Another chance to deal with issues)
Hi all --
Here we are in a new year. I think that if things are really heavy and you try to pick them up over and over and over, then you will get stronger. And, if paths are really long and involed, and you treck them over an over and over and over, then you build your endurance. And, I've learned that there are better ways to deal with frustration. And, I'm dealing with intense frustration right now.
Now, I'm going to just "lay it all on the line" and get it out there. Sure, I have no idea "who" reads this, but hearing it isn't as important as "saying" it. Expression. Get it out. There is more room out that there is in.
For over three weeks, I've dealt with frustration about my room while at Pate Rehabilitation. After 10 days (two weeks) of trying to get the temperature to a lower level, I blew up angrily. I was in the wrong. Sure, I had talked to workers, but I had not talked to the management. So, you could say I had done enough, but I had not. I needed to talk to the management so that the whole staff could be updated.
Now, this morning at 5:15 am a worker came into my room to post a list of goals. It woke me up, and I could not go back to sleep. She forgot that I was in the room because she thought I was out on pass. Now, what is even more difficult to get is that she saw me last night sign the patient attendance form and we had a brief interaction. But, she actually forgot about that this morning. So, she mistakenly came into the room and woke me up.
And, then, if you were to grade me me and how I handled the situation, I FAILED. I came unglued. I responded "Why don't you know? You saw me sign the form last night, and now THIS? What?"
She made a mistake, and I forgive her. It was a forgivable mistake, for sure.
I WAS IN THE WRONG. I was in the wrong with how I handled the situation. I yelled at her, walked down the hall and yelled at the other staff, and made a very obnoxious comment about medication (sleeping pills).
Before she (and the other night staff) left, I calmed down, and went to her (and others) and apoligized. And, I should have apologized because I was in the wrong.
And, I have not slept since then, but I have been to church (to the Cowboy Church) with my Uncle. And, this morning, I had a talk with my lady about this. The point I want to make is that I was very wrong in my overreaction. If I was in a store or in a restaurant and there was confusion about what I should pay, what am I going to do? Blow up? Well, I don't want to, and I think that what I have learned from this situation (a few times now, I know) will help to make sure of that.
So, "keep on keeping on" is what I want to tell myself. "Try again, Curtis." "Try again, Curtis." "Try again, Curtis."
There you go, you got it.
Here we are in a new year. I think that if things are really heavy and you try to pick them up over and over and over, then you will get stronger. And, if paths are really long and involed, and you treck them over an over and over and over, then you build your endurance. And, I've learned that there are better ways to deal with frustration. And, I'm dealing with intense frustration right now.
Now, I'm going to just "lay it all on the line" and get it out there. Sure, I have no idea "who" reads this, but hearing it isn't as important as "saying" it. Expression. Get it out. There is more room out that there is in.
For over three weeks, I've dealt with frustration about my room while at Pate Rehabilitation. After 10 days (two weeks) of trying to get the temperature to a lower level, I blew up angrily. I was in the wrong. Sure, I had talked to workers, but I had not talked to the management. So, you could say I had done enough, but I had not. I needed to talk to the management so that the whole staff could be updated.
Now, this morning at 5:15 am a worker came into my room to post a list of goals. It woke me up, and I could not go back to sleep. She forgot that I was in the room because she thought I was out on pass. Now, what is even more difficult to get is that she saw me last night sign the patient attendance form and we had a brief interaction. But, she actually forgot about that this morning. So, she mistakenly came into the room and woke me up.
And, then, if you were to grade me me and how I handled the situation, I FAILED. I came unglued. I responded "Why don't you know? You saw me sign the form last night, and now THIS? What?"
She made a mistake, and I forgive her. It was a forgivable mistake, for sure.
I WAS IN THE WRONG. I was in the wrong with how I handled the situation. I yelled at her, walked down the hall and yelled at the other staff, and made a very obnoxious comment about medication (sleeping pills).
Before she (and the other night staff) left, I calmed down, and went to her (and others) and apoligized. And, I should have apologized because I was in the wrong.
And, I have not slept since then, but I have been to church (to the Cowboy Church) with my Uncle. And, this morning, I had a talk with my lady about this. The point I want to make is that I was very wrong in my overreaction. If I was in a store or in a restaurant and there was confusion about what I should pay, what am I going to do? Blow up? Well, I don't want to, and I think that what I have learned from this situation (a few times now, I know) will help to make sure of that.
So, "keep on keeping on" is what I want to tell myself. "Try again, Curtis." "Try again, Curtis." "Try again, Curtis."
There you go, you got it.
12/23/09
Christmas is Coming
What do you know!
Christmas is coming right around the corner! Tomorrow night will be Christmas Eve and I'll be going down to my sister Tammy's place, we'll get to see her husband Slade. And, of course, the real icing on the cake will be the young ones: Patrick, Bo, and Hanna.
My cousin John will pick me up and take me half way to meet mom and Charlie.
My lady, Elaine, (the girlfriend, the significant other, the Novia) is on a flight heading back to her home country of Ireland. She's is from the foreign country of Ireland. (I'm from a foreign country, myself, though I can't disclose details right now.)
(-;
This Pate Rehabilitation has been great. In fact, it has been a "God send" in so many ways. (In reality, that is what it REALLY is, isn't it?) But, the break will be great for me. Then it is back to the grindstone here at Pate Rehabilitation.
I just wanted to connect again. I don't know if folks are still potentially reading this, but if so, Merry Christmas to you.
More later,
Curtis
Christmas is coming right around the corner! Tomorrow night will be Christmas Eve and I'll be going down to my sister Tammy's place, we'll get to see her husband Slade. And, of course, the real icing on the cake will be the young ones: Patrick, Bo, and Hanna.
My cousin John will pick me up and take me half way to meet mom and Charlie.
My lady, Elaine, (the girlfriend, the significant other, the Novia) is on a flight heading back to her home country of Ireland. She's is from the foreign country of Ireland. (I'm from a foreign country, myself, though I can't disclose details right now.)
(-;
This Pate Rehabilitation has been great. In fact, it has been a "God send" in so many ways. (In reality, that is what it REALLY is, isn't it?) But, the break will be great for me. Then it is back to the grindstone here at Pate Rehabilitation.
I just wanted to connect again. I don't know if folks are still potentially reading this, but if so, Merry Christmas to you.
More later,
Curtis
10/10/09
Physical Exercise Never Felt So Good
I am amazed at how 2 things offer me so much delight. The first is physical exercise. Sit-ups, Push ups, Walking, and Weight lifting are all wonderful. I also am wanting to get back into swimming and bike riding. Both pose challenges for me, but I know that I will get there.
As far as I'm concerned, there is another gift that is a HUGE blessing. It is singing. SINGING. I love trying to make sounds with my voice. Now, don't get me wrong, it does not sound so good. But, the benefit to me is that it SOUNDS BETTER than it did sound. (In fact, there was even a time when I could not even SPEAK because of this injury.) So, improvement is possible, now I know. My hope is that it gets to the level of quality that allows performance. There is a level of quality that ALLOWS performance, a level that RECOMMENDS performance, and also a level that DEMANDS performance. Allowance is all I'm asking for. (Please God, make it possible. Please; pretty please.)
(-:
And you, Elaine, my chicka, are who I want to sing to. (Sure, you are what I want to sing because of, but forget that right now. I want to sing TO YOU.)
Curtis
As far as I'm concerned, there is another gift that is a HUGE blessing. It is singing. SINGING. I love trying to make sounds with my voice. Now, don't get me wrong, it does not sound so good. But, the benefit to me is that it SOUNDS BETTER than it did sound. (In fact, there was even a time when I could not even SPEAK because of this injury.) So, improvement is possible, now I know. My hope is that it gets to the level of quality that allows performance. There is a level of quality that ALLOWS performance, a level that RECOMMENDS performance, and also a level that DEMANDS performance. Allowance is all I'm asking for. (Please God, make it possible. Please; pretty please.)
(-:
And you, Elaine, my chicka, are who I want to sing to. (Sure, you are what I want to sing because of, but forget that right now. I want to sing TO YOU.)
Curtis
From "Me" to "You"
Dear You,
I have to smile when I read through this old list of postings. Man, oh man, I can't tell you what an experience this has been for sure. Some things are working again and you could say "back to normal" but there are still some things that have to be improved. Fortunately, I believe that there are things that can improve and will be improved.
There is no doubt that I have learned some of life's biggest lessons in the hardest of ways. But, the real Blessing is to have gotten through them. GOTTEN THROUGH THEM.
So, I've got continue to remind myself that there is still some work to do, some improvements to make. The show is not over, the end of the road is not here yet.
What a Blessing to have the connections that I do have with all of you. I really would love to see a 'hi' note, because I have no idea if this is getting read. I have reviewed the former posts and some of them about 2 comments, and there is at least one of them that has about 20. So, let me know, if you don't mind.
God be with you,
Curtis
P.S. I was going to say "Dear Reader," when I started this but that seemed impersonal. But "Dear You," was more appropriate. Because, although I can't put many details into writing, this is about you. About YOU. You know who you are, and that really, really matters!
I have to smile when I read through this old list of postings. Man, oh man, I can't tell you what an experience this has been for sure. Some things are working again and you could say "back to normal" but there are still some things that have to be improved. Fortunately, I believe that there are things that can improve and will be improved.
There is no doubt that I have learned some of life's biggest lessons in the hardest of ways. But, the real Blessing is to have gotten through them. GOTTEN THROUGH THEM.
So, I've got continue to remind myself that there is still some work to do, some improvements to make. The show is not over, the end of the road is not here yet.
What a Blessing to have the connections that I do have with all of you. I really would love to see a 'hi' note, because I have no idea if this is getting read. I have reviewed the former posts and some of them about 2 comments, and there is at least one of them that has about 20. So, let me know, if you don't mind.
God be with you,
Curtis
P.S. I was going to say "Dear Reader," when I started this but that seemed impersonal. But "Dear You," was more appropriate. Because, although I can't put many details into writing, this is about you. About YOU. You know who you are, and that really, really matters!
9/11/09
There is no time like "the present"
Well, it is true that there is no time like the present; in fact, it is ALWAYS true to say that there is no time like "the present." But right now, there is no time that is "nearly as great" as the present.
Elaine will be here this afternoon. A flight from LAX to DFW. I really cannot wait. We will stay here at mom's tonight, and then take a trip to a "bed and breakfast" facility close to Austin.
So, "the present" is filled with anticipation. Then, "the future" will be filled with partnership and collaberation. Then, "the distant" future will be filled with memories of a wonderful visit. So, there is no time like "then present" before, "the present" now, and "the present" later.
Wow, if that is true at any time, then it is so great that this is OBVIOUSLY true right now: There is no time like the present.
(-:
Elaine will be here this afternoon. A flight from LAX to DFW. I really cannot wait. We will stay here at mom's tonight, and then take a trip to a "bed and breakfast" facility close to Austin.
So, "the present" is filled with anticipation. Then, "the future" will be filled with partnership and collaberation. Then, "the distant" future will be filled with memories of a wonderful visit. So, there is no time like "then present" before, "the present" now, and "the present" later.
Wow, if that is true at any time, then it is so great that this is OBVIOUSLY true right now: There is no time like the present.
(-:
9/2/09
It Was The Best of Times, It Was The Worst of Times
Well, I have heard that statement over and over and over and over some more. But for my life, but for my situation, but for my time, it has NEVER been truer than right now. There is no doubt that this is the time where I have a considerable amount of freedom, individuality, musical growth. But there is also no doubt basic things in life are still out of reach by just a tad.
For example, I am very close to being able to drive. Just a tad are (A) receiving my driver's license from Texas DPS and (B) purchasing a new vehicle and my next examination into that is happening on this Thursday. So I'm close, and that makes this time GREAT.
But, I'm terriblly impatient and HATE having to WAIT and WAIT and WAIT some more. To have to wait for your own independence is the worst of times.
I am so glad that in spite of my constant (and I'm so sorry that it is constant Elaine, Mom, Slade, Renee, Sean, Sarah, and especially Jeff) bickering and argumentativeness. So, I'm sorry for sharing the worst of times with you. But, this is the best of times, too, because I am reliving. That is so wonderful.
I have to say, too, that I'm going to keep my fingers crossed that the situation with my girlfriend Elaine continues to grow. Elaine, we have had the ultimate relationship test, haven't we, with everything that we have been through. But, we are almost there, honey, and I'm so thankful that there is a chance we are going to finish this together. You have done so much for me, Elaine, and I am so Blessed to have you.
(-:
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. But it is almost 2 AM here near Dallas, so this guy is going to sleep. I find that sleeping elimates the worst, and prolongs the best!
(-:
Curtis
For example, I am very close to being able to drive. Just a tad are (A) receiving my driver's license from Texas DPS and (B) purchasing a new vehicle and my next examination into that is happening on this Thursday. So I'm close, and that makes this time GREAT.
But, I'm terriblly impatient and HATE having to WAIT and WAIT and WAIT some more. To have to wait for your own independence is the worst of times.
I am so glad that in spite of my constant (and I'm so sorry that it is constant Elaine, Mom, Slade, Renee, Sean, Sarah, and especially Jeff) bickering and argumentativeness. So, I'm sorry for sharing the worst of times with you. But, this is the best of times, too, because I am reliving. That is so wonderful.
I have to say, too, that I'm going to keep my fingers crossed that the situation with my girlfriend Elaine continues to grow. Elaine, we have had the ultimate relationship test, haven't we, with everything that we have been through. But, we are almost there, honey, and I'm so thankful that there is a chance we are going to finish this together. You have done so much for me, Elaine, and I am so Blessed to have you.
(-:
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. But it is almost 2 AM here near Dallas, so this guy is going to sleep. I find that sleeping elimates the worst, and prolongs the best!
(-:
Curtis
8/31/09
When It Rains, It Pours
Hello, hello!
This is so true, isn't it? Any rain is a small body of water falling from a cloud and "pouring" down. We tend to think of only very heavy "rainstorms" as "pours." But it is actually the case that every single drop of water is pouring from a cloud to the earth. So, every rain is a pour. Thus, it makes sense to say "when it rains it pours."
But, that is not what the phrase implies. When things get kind of hard, there is no doubt that they "can" get very, very hard. Catastrophic, even. Well, I know for sure that things can be miserable. Horrific, even. I know what "pouring" is like.
Thank God for the gifts of relationships between the significant other, the family, and the close friends. There is no doubt that I have witnessed the value that they can have. I am so thankful for what was "given" to me by this group. So, Elaine, I have you to thank more than anyone for what you have given to me. And, mom, Tammy, Renee, Sarah, thank you so much for what you have given to me.
Well, I think that the "pouring" is complete now. There is still a lot of mopping to do, no doubt. But, I am so thankful that it is time to mop. I can handle this one, no doubt.
(-:
Curtis
P.S. The phrase "Thank God for..." is usual nomenclature, isn't it? But, like I referenced in an earlier post, any idea what I might mean by the phrase "Thank God?"
...
...
...Any guesses?
I mean "I am thankful to God for making this the reality."
This is so true, isn't it? Any rain is a small body of water falling from a cloud and "pouring" down. We tend to think of only very heavy "rainstorms" as "pours." But it is actually the case that every single drop of water is pouring from a cloud to the earth. So, every rain is a pour. Thus, it makes sense to say "when it rains it pours."
But, that is not what the phrase implies. When things get kind of hard, there is no doubt that they "can" get very, very hard. Catastrophic, even. Well, I know for sure that things can be miserable. Horrific, even. I know what "pouring" is like.
Thank God for the gifts of relationships between the significant other, the family, and the close friends. There is no doubt that I have witnessed the value that they can have. I am so thankful for what was "given" to me by this group. So, Elaine, I have you to thank more than anyone for what you have given to me. And, mom, Tammy, Renee, Sarah, thank you so much for what you have given to me.
Well, I think that the "pouring" is complete now. There is still a lot of mopping to do, no doubt. But, I am so thankful that it is time to mop. I can handle this one, no doubt.
(-:
Curtis
P.S. The phrase "Thank God for..." is usual nomenclature, isn't it? But, like I referenced in an earlier post, any idea what I might mean by the phrase "Thank God?"
...
...
...Any guesses?
I mean "I am thankful to God for making this the reality."
8/27/09
A Final Trip to the Department of Public Safety
So today I went down to Texas Department of Public Safetey (DPS) to have a new driver's license issued. I have a temporary one now, and am waiting for the new one to arrive in the mail! I'm very excited!
Tomorrow I start the process of car-buying. It will be several trips, I know that. Then I'm legally a driver!
Right now there are no scheduled trips to see Elaine, but I know it will happen soon. (Elaine, soon, right? What do I mean by soon? Is next Tuesday too soon?)
(-:
I really appreciate everything what "the girls" have done for me. Mom, Tammy, Renee, and Sarah have been terrific. They have offered to drive me where I needed to go, which is terrific. That is only the beginning. Sure, they "drove" for me, but that was only one of many things that was done for me. So, that you to "the girls" for your help, including you, "the girl," Elaine. Thank you all for what you have done.
Tomorrow I start the process of car-buying. It will be several trips, I know that. Then I'm legally a driver!
Right now there are no scheduled trips to see Elaine, but I know it will happen soon. (Elaine, soon, right? What do I mean by soon? Is next Tuesday too soon?)
(-:
I really appreciate everything what "the girls" have done for me. Mom, Tammy, Renee, and Sarah have been terrific. They have offered to drive me where I needed to go, which is terrific. That is only the beginning. Sure, they "drove" for me, but that was only one of many things that was done for me. So, that you to "the girls" for your help, including you, "the girl," Elaine. Thank you all for what you have done.
8/26/09
Onward, Christian Soldier
There is no doubt that I feel like this experience "happened for a reason." And, that reason is simply this: to know what God can do for me, what God can do for others, and to communicate that benefit to other folks.
A friend of mine said that this story "Is unreal, man. It sounds like a TV movie." Well, I agree, no doubt. He is right, no doubt. The only reality is that, even though this "sounds unreal," it is indeed what has happened. I too think that it sounds 'unreal' no doubt. But, it is real, so I must move on, onward even. Like a soldier in terms of aggressiveness. So, I will be moving onward, and very glad that I've been shown how much of an impact that God can have.
(-:
A friend of mine said that this story "Is unreal, man. It sounds like a TV movie." Well, I agree, no doubt. He is right, no doubt. The only reality is that, even though this "sounds unreal," it is indeed what has happened. I too think that it sounds 'unreal' no doubt. But, it is real, so I must move on, onward even. Like a soldier in terms of aggressiveness. So, I will be moving onward, and very glad that I've been shown how much of an impact that God can have.
(-:
8/13/09
A Wedding is Happening Soon
I get this HONOR of attending a friend of mine's wedding next weekend. I'm flying into Seattle and the wedding is geographically between Seattle, Washington and Portland, Oregon. I have been asked by the locals (Glen Rosians) not to vocalize too much about JJM until the wedding is complete. We wouldn't want any mind-changing based on what I know!
(-:
(Just teasin' Jud.)
This is an amazing event for me in three ways. First, it is the best life experience of one of my closest friends (all the way since childhood). Second, I get to see NUMEROUS other friends and get the great experience of introducing them to Elaine, and introducing Elaine to them. (And, by the way, Elaine, please PLEASE DO judge a book by it's cover. Me, this "book," is covered by some extraordinary folks.)
(-:
It is great to have this social event, especially when considering the experience that I have had. There are so many memories that I hope will be rekindled. Maybe it will happen. But, if not, then new memories will be created which I know will be wonderful.
It is great to post here today. Hello to everyone.
God Bless You!
Curtis
P.S. Here, I have named both Jud, my friend getting married, and Elaine, my girlfriend. There was a JC fellow whose name I felt like I should not state. Jimbo, it is interesting how things change, don't you think?
(-:
(-:
(Just teasin' Jud.)
This is an amazing event for me in three ways. First, it is the best life experience of one of my closest friends (all the way since childhood). Second, I get to see NUMEROUS other friends and get the great experience of introducing them to Elaine, and introducing Elaine to them. (And, by the way, Elaine, please PLEASE DO judge a book by it's cover. Me, this "book," is covered by some extraordinary folks.)
(-:
It is great to have this social event, especially when considering the experience that I have had. There are so many memories that I hope will be rekindled. Maybe it will happen. But, if not, then new memories will be created which I know will be wonderful.
It is great to post here today. Hello to everyone.
God Bless You!
Curtis
P.S. Here, I have named both Jud, my friend getting married, and Elaine, my girlfriend. There was a JC fellow whose name I felt like I should not state. Jimbo, it is interesting how things change, don't you think?
(-:
7/24/09
The Next Inning
There is still some improvement to make, but I am so lucky that so much improvement has already been made. I have heard that there was even a time when the doctors called a meeting with my family (Elaine, my mom, and my three sisters) because they wanted to convince them that it was o.k. to "pull the plug." A time to let the life support go and to let me pass away (die).I have to assume that they would be happy that they were in fact wrong. (Of course it is possible that they are IRRITATED about being wrong because I did make it!) Either way, good news or bad news, I made it.
(-:
I am getting so much better than I was. I am thankful that that continues. There is no doubt that I could be at the road's end, but I know that I am not. I know that I will continue to get better.I was even with two friends lately who were Christians late-blooming.
I prayed with one of them about being saved and oddly, I feel so much better now. It is like some weight was removed or lifted. I cannot tell if that is just coincidental timing or God finally rest assured that I am a believer. I tend to think that it is because of God though.
Thank You so much for everything that You have done for me.I think I have posted this both here and on MySpace.
(-:
I am getting so much better than I was. I am thankful that that continues. There is no doubt that I could be at the road's end, but I know that I am not. I know that I will continue to get better.I was even with two friends lately who were Christians late-blooming.
I prayed with one of them about being saved and oddly, I feel so much better now. It is like some weight was removed or lifted. I cannot tell if that is just coincidental timing or God finally rest assured that I am a believer. I tend to think that it is because of God though.
Thank You so much for everything that You have done for me.I think I have posted this both here and on MySpace.
7/16/09
Amazing How Time Flies
Time does fly for my timelapse between entries (because it takes me way too long to write these.) Well, it IS amazing to me say that time flies. But, no one bas learned it like I have. People don't fly. Instead, they fall, somtimes over 30 feet. That, too, you can say that no one has learned like I have. Nope, it's not a joke. But it is one heck of a way to learn that flying was only "wishful thinking."
But it is wishful thinking also to think that time doesn't fly. People get busy doing things and then they are like, "Oh wait a minute. I am supposed to be doing something else." Then they say that things are changing, stuff is moving, "time is flying'
So, I guess that time has flown since my last entry (or the entry before last.) Haha! That is so funny, I used to be certain of EVERYTHING that I thought was right. I KNEW it was the last entry that I was referring to. But now, questions arise and arise and arise.
I really do have to give credit to God for making me see the importance of life by bringing in all of the doubts that I would have it. And, also, the importance of certain organs, like the brain. That is what was injured the most for me. And, as God would have it, things are damaged but they are still working enough for the important things.
So, people DO NOT fly. But time WILL FLY. The difference with time and people is something that I understand at 35. (Hmmm... or should I say "25" and pretend to be younger. I could just say later "oh, sorry about that, but I forgot.")
Hmmm...
(-:
Take care, and I hope that life is treating you well. God be with you.
Curtis
But it is wishful thinking also to think that time doesn't fly. People get busy doing things and then they are like, "Oh wait a minute. I am supposed to be doing something else." Then they say that things are changing, stuff is moving, "time is flying'
So, I guess that time has flown since my last entry (or the entry before last.) Haha! That is so funny, I used to be certain of EVERYTHING that I thought was right. I KNEW it was the last entry that I was referring to. But now, questions arise and arise and arise.
I really do have to give credit to God for making me see the importance of life by bringing in all of the doubts that I would have it. And, also, the importance of certain organs, like the brain. That is what was injured the most for me. And, as God would have it, things are damaged but they are still working enough for the important things.
So, people DO NOT fly. But time WILL FLY. The difference with time and people is something that I understand at 35. (Hmmm... or should I say "25" and pretend to be younger. I could just say later "oh, sorry about that, but I forgot.")
Hmmm...
(-:
Take care, and I hope that life is treating you well. God be with you.
Curtis
6/28/09
"I'll keep you in my prayers"
This was said to me by a friend of mine via text. (Thanks, JC!) True, to me that used to be a nice thing to say to someone when you would leave them. A different way of saying "goodbye." But I feel like what he meant was the ACTUAL truth. I still need a lot of help from God, for sure.
I am amazed, I have to admit, that I even LIVED through that whole ordeal. Imagine this (and I know I have referred to this MANY times before): the doctors got everyone together when I was on life support and said "we should pull the plug" because they thought I would be like that forever! Imagine that! That was so upsetting to my family, for sure. And, needless to say, I'm glad that at least believed it was a "possibility" that I would live. (I have heard that the belief was that I would be back to normal, too, and not be a vegetable forever.)
I can't help but think that there is some humor in this. I mean, if the doctors thought I would be a "vegetable" forever, well, they may have been right. I mean, I AM a banana, let's face it. (-: That's better than being non-vegetable and being a "ham" (which I think I used to be.)
(-:
So there is a lot of appreciation, no doubt, for what God has done. And, I know that I will keep my healing in my own prayers. Anyone can also email me and ask me to pray for whatever you want. I definitely want to.
I'll keep you in my prayers, reader. (And, JC, you too!)
I am amazed, I have to admit, that I even LIVED through that whole ordeal. Imagine this (and I know I have referred to this MANY times before): the doctors got everyone together when I was on life support and said "we should pull the plug" because they thought I would be like that forever! Imagine that! That was so upsetting to my family, for sure. And, needless to say, I'm glad that at least believed it was a "possibility" that I would live. (I have heard that the belief was that I would be back to normal, too, and not be a vegetable forever.)
I can't help but think that there is some humor in this. I mean, if the doctors thought I would be a "vegetable" forever, well, they may have been right. I mean, I AM a banana, let's face it. (-: That's better than being non-vegetable and being a "ham" (which I think I used to be.)
(-:
So there is a lot of appreciation, no doubt, for what God has done. And, I know that I will keep my healing in my own prayers. Anyone can also email me and ask me to pray for whatever you want. I definitely want to.
I'll keep you in my prayers, reader. (And, JC, you too!)
6/27/09
Another Thing I'd Like to Tell You
There is Always a Better Way
It is true that I have spent the last several weeks (well, months actually) just doing my best to get back to "normal" living. One of the downsides of my situation is that I have such huge doubts about things. Like I worry, "Am I talking too loud?" "What if I forget what they told me?" or "Did they tell me what I was supposed to wear and I forgot?" Silly I know.
The truth is that most things that CAN be worried about don't mean anything that is really important. So, as humans we tend to worry about things that are really inconsequential. And, I'm getting quite a lesson in that because for me it is ALL the time.
So, I think that one thing I have had to learn to prioritize is to RELAX a little (well A LOT actually) most of the time. Taking it easy is the way to go.
Things have improved for me, but I am still not driving, for example. So, even though things have improved, there are still some areas of improvement that need to happen. One things I need to make a point of is to write on thie blog more regularly. It is a way to get my feelings out and a way to help "bring me back" to things. So, that is the critical point right now. Bring me back to what matters most.
Many appreciation gestures should be made because God has done so much for me (for us) and it means so much to me. Thank you, God, for your care and understanding. You are showing me ways of doing things that I could not have done on my own. Thank you so much, Lord.
4/20/09
Curtis finishes Race for the Cure 5K
Curtis is giving me the privilege of posting to the blog again. I am excited to once again get to boast about an accomplishment on his road to recovery.
On April 11th, 2009, Curtis finished the Fort Worth Race for the Cure 5K!! He and I walked with my friends Nancy, Everett and Laurie.
Curtis did so awesome! We finished the race in 1 hour, 15 minutes (the picture shows 1 hour, 30 minutes, but it took us 15 minutes to get to the starting line after the start of the race). In addition, we had a 15 minute walk to and from the train station as we rode the TRE. Actually, we only got to take the train to the race because just as we were about a block from the station trying to make the train back, it pulled away. :) This actually turned out just fine because there was a Subway restaurant that allowed Curt to have a post race cup of coffee while Jeff and Seth came to pick us up.
The pictures above are a progression from pre-race cup of coffee to post-race cup of coffee. Isn't it the drink of champions? Curtis, I am so proud of you, I love you - thank you for walking with me! Sarah
3/26/09
The Times They Are a Changin'
That is the old saying. Well, it is true (hopefully). But fortunately it HAS BEEN true. There is still some improvement to make, but I am so lucky that so much improvement has already been made. I have heard that there was even a time when the doctors called a meeting with my family (Elaine, my mom, and my three sisters) because they wanted to convince them that it was o.k. to "pull the plug." A time to let the life support go and to let me pass away (die).
I have to assume that they would be happy that they were in fact wrong. (Of course it is possible that they are IRRITATED about being wrong because I did make it!) Either way, good news or bad news, I made it.
(-:
I am getting so much better than I was. I am thankful that that continues. There is no doubt that I could be at the road's end, but I know that I am not. I know that I will continue to get better.
I was even with two friends lately who were Christians late-blooming. I prayed with one of them about being saved and oddly, I feel so much better now. It is like some weight was removed or lifted. I cannot tell if that is just coincidental timing or God finally rest assured that I am a believer. I tend to think that it is because of God though. Thank You so much for everything that you have done for me.
Adios for now!
Curtis
I have to assume that they would be happy that they were in fact wrong. (Of course it is possible that they are IRRITATED about being wrong because I did make it!) Either way, good news or bad news, I made it.
(-:
I am getting so much better than I was. I am thankful that that continues. There is no doubt that I could be at the road's end, but I know that I am not. I know that I will continue to get better.
I was even with two friends lately who were Christians late-blooming. I prayed with one of them about being saved and oddly, I feel so much better now. It is like some weight was removed or lifted. I cannot tell if that is just coincidental timing or God finally rest assured that I am a believer. I tend to think that it is because of God though. Thank You so much for everything that you have done for me.
Adios for now!
Curtis
3/14/09
Slow But Meaningful Improvements
I am so glad to be back and to write on this again. I cannot believe that it has been such a long time since I wrote the OTHER (the first personal) one. It is great that I can continue even NOW.
I cannot say how great Elaine (my girlfriend) has been through all of this. She not only put me and my mother up for a while but has been ok with me coming back for a little while to home. I have been out to see her once and will (luckily) get to go again very soon. There is no way to really describe how wonderful that she has been and I am so much looking forward to being back with her.
Some things have really healed now and I am so much better than I was before. Some basic stuff, like the ability to drive, is not yet back. I think that I physically CAN do it, but there are certain legal requirements that have to be met. I am ok with that, and I do look forward to being able to meet them.
Alright, I am out for now. Luckily, I am to the point where I imagine that I will be here more frequently. Thank you to everyone who reads this and who responds. If I have not yet replied directly to you, know it is greatly appreciated. Especially what Elaine has done (the biggest gifts). Thank you, Elaine!
I am out for now!
Curtis
1/14/09
To begin with, it is a new year. For me, that is the smallest change!
The last few days there have been some amazing thing happen for me. I am so much closer to here than I was before. There is a huge difference for my perception of things and that is very good. I feel so much more HUMAN than I did before. My memory even started working before this perception; still something is very different for me now. That is good news. There are still some improvements to make, but thankfully I am willing to figure out what they are and do them.
There is no doubt that one of the greatest things I have experienced is the friendships I have experienced through this process. There is no doubt that I am one lucky fella to have both the friendships AND the family to connect with me and to help me.
For anyone who reads this, I want you to know how great it is that you care enough to do so. I welcome any and all responses. I am only starting to get to where I can specifically respond to people. But please know that I appreciate ALL who care enough to read this; even without a reply, thank you so much for caring enough to read.
Bye for now!
Curtis C.
There is no doubt that one of the greatest things I have experienced is the friendships I have experienced through this process. There is no doubt that I am one lucky fella to have both the friendships AND the family to connect with me and to help me.
For anyone who reads this, I want you to know how great it is that you care enough to do so. I welcome any and all responses. I am only starting to get to where I can specifically respond to people. But please know that I appreciate ALL who care enough to read this; even without a reply, thank you so much for caring enough to read.
Bye for now!
Curtis C.
12/28/08
Merry Christmas
Curtis, my mother and Charlie left California December 18th to drive to Texas. They stopped in El Paso and Midland for Curtis to enjoy a visit with our grandmother, aunt, uncle and cousins. They arrived at my mother's place in time for Christmas. Although we missed Elaine, the rest of us were able to be together for the holiday; and it was a wonderful time.
Sarah
12/19/08
From Curtis 12/15/08
Today is Monday and I am at Rancho reading the great messages from people. I have turned in the homework I have done and it was almost all of it; I still have some work to do on a new song, but that is ok.
11/30/08
Happy Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving to all! Curtis spent his holiday at home with Elaine and Linda (and Sparky, of course!) They were able to enjoy a delicious Thanksgiving meal which Curt helped to prepare.
Recently, Curtis has been attending the outpatient program at Rancho Los Amigos twice a week on Monday and Wednesday and has been making great progess and continuing to improve. He works on his homework assignments from Rancho and spends his time at home practicing guitar. He is getting around great and walking well on his own.
As you can see from the picture above, he has visited the beach there in Venice. Sarah and Seth were out in California last week and enjoyed going out with Curtis to eat at Chipotle, visit the beach, and other things. Sarah and Curt also went to see the new James Bond film at the theater.
Thank you for posting your comments on the blog, Curtis has been reading them and appreciates that you all care enough to read here and respond.
Feel free to visit or call him when you can. He really enjoys it. If you want to get in touch with him, you can email us at [email protected] for his contact information.
Many thanks for your support,
Renee
11/2/08
11-02-2008 from Curtis
Right now it is amazing that I am here and doing this. I am so appreciate of people who have been close to me, like my sisters and the men they love, and want to show them that I appreciate everything. I am at a place where what people say matters, and I want to thank anyone for sharing their care with me. So thank you to anyone who reads this.
Curtis C
10/24/08
At the beach - October 23, 2008
Tammy is currently in California with Curtis. Here is the awesome update and pictures we received from her:
"We had a great day. We went to the beach and rented a bike. Curtis biked for 41 minutes and I walked or as in some cases had to jog along beside him. Then we walked to the food stand and got some lunch. Those photos are one of the bike break and the other of him waiting for lunch. Funny story is that, that is the very same place where he and I sat to eat lunch last July and he ordered the very same thing (chicken teriaki) we shared both times! Then we walked to a little shop and bought him a new cap (the one in the photo is way too small but we used it because of the bright sun). After that we drove to Elaine's office and hung out with the Spark crew. I am so very bummed that I do not have a photo. Yesterday - we worked on Renee's (Sean's) b-day song. Went to the beach for his 20 minute walk, emailed Alan about the next Fire group (Curtis asked when is the next fire so I suggested he email to find out) and we went to Ralph's to buy groceries.
Tammy"
Tammy"
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