I made a cartoon!

Very excited to announce the arrival of “Skill Me Now”, my very first cartoon series!

I collaborated with Mondo Media, makers of “Happy Tree Friends”, scoring Carlos Alazraqui to narrate. He’s from “Reno 911” and did the voice of Rocko in “Rocko’s Modern Life”. Long time friend Patty Guggenheim joined in, she’s been featured in the Will Ferrel movie “Casa De Mi Padre” lately, as well as on “Funny or Die” presents. Finally the whole thing was animated by Lowbrow Studios, the folks behind the majority of College Humor’s animations as well as “College University”.

LOTS of talented people came together to make this real. Give it a watch and a share if you please!

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May 28, 2012 · 12:20 pm

Facebook Will Fall When New York City Falls

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I’ve been hearing a lot of doubt in Facebook’s future lately with the IPO hitting the market today.The number one thing I’ve heard cited to dismiss FB’s staying power? MySpace. I don’t think that’s very relevant anymore. Here’s how I view Facebook and why I think it is going to take a seismic shift to crumple the site to ruins.

In the context of the World Wide Web I think of Facebook as a city and each profile as an apartment. 900 million people moved into Facebook city apartments over the last few years and we’ve been amassing a huge pile of stuff in each unit. It’s not the best apartment ever but it sure is nicer than our last places, those little holes-in-the-wall instant messenger profiles or MySpace. This apartment has all we could ever need (unlimited storage, endless entertainment) but might not have everything we want (more control, privacy). This place has got big windows and a pretty clean design.

For some this is their first online home, one they feel lucky to have at all, I like to think of how many families stay in the same house for the majority of their lives. That’s how I think Facebook will be for a section of society. Others who have been on many other social services may be tempted to move out of the apartment to a slightly nicer place with an even more modern, simple, clean design… but all of their pictures are up and we’ve got a lot of memories ingrained into the place, so there’s no real incentive.  If only those apartments in Google Plus city were built a few years ago before we all chose this neighborhood. Now almost a year after Google Plus city opened it’s doors to the public, some have moved from Facebook, some have taken up a second residence, but most have stayed.

Our neighbors are our friends, and it’s a pretty lively neighborhood, even if they can get snoopy at times. Maybe one day some of the neighbors will move and the neighborhood will clear out but there are always more neighbors moving into the block, so it will take a great deal of people to start a trend.

We don’t have to pay rent but we do have to put up with ads. They’re all over Facebook city and most people have tuned them out by now. Usually the ad alone are not invasive enough to make us leave. We do not own the apartment, and that upsets some people. We can’t make major modifications to it beyond swapping out the picture frames and in very specific places or changing the name on our mailbox.

Some people don’t like that they cannot be a homeowner and they get upset that they are at the mercy of their landlord when it comes to sudden construction and redesigns. The landlord seems to barge in quite often, fixing a few issues, updating a few things stylistically but always leaving a handful of problems outstanding. We can call on the landlords to repair something but they’re very busy and usually don’t answer.

I think Facebook is to New York City as Google Plus is to Chicago, Twitter is to Los Angeles, Pinterest is to San Francisco and Detriot is to Myspace. Looking at other major social cities out there, the landlord and ownership problems remain. Still, to have an online home, you are not relegated to an apartment in these cities. You can go for a house or personal website in the suburbs of the Internet, one which you own completely. Still, with that ownership and control, you’ll be less connected to the cities and will have very few, if any, neighbors. The house’s construction is also in your hands, if you do not have an abundance of money or you cannot code, you can’t build the perfect house. Suburb living will cost you too, without advertisements paying for your stoage you have to pay mortgage or property tax in the form of domain hosting.

Pushing this analogy further, I think Facebook will fail just as easily as New York City might fail. Other cities will grow, but people will stay in the big one because hey, they like the sense that they’re part of something big and they’re willing to put up with housing annoyances to stay there.

Was I ever enamored with MySpace? No. I was on it and I hated it.  It was broken, slow and annoying. Facebook was in order, fast and fun. It still is. I think we’re beyond a MySpace sized fall at this point, the city was too new, too focused on the failing music industry and other promoted content. Facebook has been smart enough to not bet their stakes on friend generated content a wide variety of popular features through their API. As they are now integrated into the world’s top sites, any transition we see away from Facebook will be a slow one, like the rise and fall of major cities.

Some who think Facebook will fail may be of the mindset social media outlets like Facebook, no matter what site they are, will fail. “I kind of think it’s annoying and a major case of TMI.” A coworker told me. “The only useful thing about it is as a directory so you can locate people from your past.” To those I say, social media will fail when social living fails. When people stop living in communities, cohabitating college dorms, talking to their families or keeping friends, going out with coworkers or neighbors. As long as these relationships are important to us and we have access online, social media will be around.

In that case, I consider social media to be equivalent to a country. Countries can fail, but it takes a revolution and those are hard to come by when the people are content. Countries like Social Media come with ideologies and politics that are ever changing and are subject to other republics (email, search) around them pushing and pulling boundaries. General opinion can shift, we’ve seen centuries where monarchies were accepted as the model structure for country organization, yet a few millennia of invasions and regime changes later, here we are in America with democracy. Once everyone is on board with an ideology, resources are poured into making it work and change to another mode of thinking can take hundreds of years. Generations help those changes take place.

Maybe you say that change is hyper fast on the internet, but I say that change is slowing. I recommend this map of the internet from XKCD, last updated almost two years ago. http://xkcd.com/802/ We have the world (world wide web) and with that are countries of social, email, video, blogs, chat and games. With the addition of search, shopping, music and maybe a little more news this map would be close to perfect.  Within the country of social media, we have the cities of social services, each with their own industry and main export.

Not much has changed on the map in the past two years has it? What would that map look like two years before, in 2008? Drastically different. It’s possible to be over confident, over patriotic to the country (social media) you identify with, but I think if enough people get behind an idea, it is extremely hard to kill. Just take religion. We have all of these establishments dedicated to religion and they help ensure it’ll stick around. Will big brands leave their millions of Facebook fans in the next five years? Probably not. Will 900,000,000 Facebookers just up and leave their photo albums and message histories for something slightly better? Probably not.

If I see a service that can quickly transfer all of your status updates and photos to another network as well as keep your Facebook friends’ updates streaming to this new network, then I’ll worry. That does not exist yet. And so confident in Facebook’s future I remain.

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Writin up a storm

I’ve been reviewing video games and writing various articles in my spare time at ABC!

Should You Buy a 3DS?

Super Mario 3DS Review

Zelda: Skyward Sword Review

Angry Birds Opens Its First Store

11 Things You Didn’t Know About 11/11/11

I’ve got tons left to do, expect breakdowns for Sonic: Generations, Mario Kart 7, Zumba Fitness 2, Dance Central 2, Twister Mania and some others coming soon.

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A Nice Day for a… Reddit Wedding

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I’ve been a bit distracted with my own wedding last month, but I’m back on the scene with a big new story, filled with internet ridiculousness. This weekend, my cousin was married in Michigan and the photo above was taken by a friend of mine. I seeded it to Reddit and scored the number 1 slot on their site for somewhere around 7 hours, tallying up over a million photo views on imgur so far, when combined with an album of the events. ABC News, The Daily Mail, MSN, Inside Edition, The Daily What and Buzzfeed made features of the story, a solid first day back from honeymoon if I say so myself!

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Dan Milano is Hired!

5 months of sweet, sweet premarital unemployment have passed and while I had the opportunity to pair with many-a-company, ABC News was the group to snatch me up. I am employed, spread the news that I soon will be spreading the… news! Position begins October 10th.

Hey New Yorkers! I’ve moved away from Los Angeles to seek employment betwixt your fabled concrete walls. Check out my resume here and add me to your team if you’re looking for someone experienced to speak for your company through social media!

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Google+ vs Google-

With all that “moving to another side of the country” business out of the way, I released a few new shorts into the world. The first is pretty goofy, featuring toasting a marshmallow with a powerdrill. The second is a parody of Google+ which has gained some traction, including a WIRED feature today! Make sure to watch the original Google+ intro video here, then move forward and check out our take on it.

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Casting Obama Impersonator Reggie Brown

A few weeks ago, Obama Impersonator Reggie Brown attainted international noteriety as the world’s top Obama impersonator following a performance at the RLC GOP conference. I helped bring him to Tongal.com for this commercial, produced by Binaca and Team Tiger Awesome. Now playing on Wooden Nickel Shorts. *Dies of link over exposure*

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“Oscar Buzzed” is back!

2011 means new Oscar rants.  We brought back our pal Jeremy Hibnick from last year’s Oscar Buzzed, a dead ringer for the Oscar Statue when painted gold, got him drunk and he started to produce more gold than he had painted onto his pecs.

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Another Social Network – Ping Parody Thoughts

Apple released a social network on iTunes last week, called Ping, only available after an iTunes 10 update.  Finally, I had a big iTunes event for which to channel my frustration with the application.

With David Fincher’s “generation defining” Facebook movie still a month away, I was hoping for this Social Network parody to be received as a relevant continuation of the meme BWE started, instead of as another hacky take on the film’s trailer. I was lucky enough to get the former reaction.

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While I worried about tone and screen capturing, maybe I should have worried about fanboys. Right after I released the video, it was picked up by Tech Crunch then 9 to 5 Mac, which sent a slew of iTune Defenders my way.  My biggest misstep? iTunes does not require a restart to update.  But riddle me this Macmen, every time I have ever been prompted to update iTunes, a security update was waiting in the wings.  When update asks you to restart, it doesn’t specify which program is making you restart.

To see what the process was like without the restart, I updated to iTunes 10 on my work computer.  Needless to say, it was just as bad, if not worse.  I had to deselect the security update on deck, press update, then ran into this error.

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I wasn’t about to contact the software manufacturer, so I ran it again and it worked fine. Besides that, there was the issue of the long wait time for the thing to update to search/find/download/install.  If I included that in the video, it would be a great deal longer than it is right now. If Facebook required all this of you with each incarnation, we would all revolt.  If they required you to do it on each individual computer you use, we’d all be on MySpace right now.

Another criticism was about password entry.  I have a big problem with it indeed. Each and every time iTunes asks for my password, I enter what I am 99% sure it is and it denies me access.  I’ll try every variation and eventually give up.  Then I’ll click cancel, and it’ll sign me in.  I have no idea what my password is anymore and the only way to retrieve is to call AOL over the phone.  Then I’ll go to AOL.com and sign in fine with the same password.  Somewhere there is a disconnect.  Forget Apple ID, forget AOL, give me an iTunes login and password.

In the end, I wanted to show four things and I think I succeeded in doing so.  One was to give a just-born social network The Social Network treatment, to pull comedy out of something brand new.  Another was to express that I don’t want to have to go through the long process of manually upgrading my social network once a month. I hate the log-in system and want to use Facebook connect, Gmail, ANYTHING but apple ID and AOL. And the artist suggestions were hilariously wrong for my music tastes.

Oh and if Apple is reading, if you’re going to integrate chatter about Concert tickets into this system, please please consider selling tickets through iTunes.  I would love for you guys to take a bite out of Ticketmaster’s stranglehold on music and knock those ticket prices down to a reasonable cost.

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This Actually Happens in Twilight: Breaking Dawn

It’s true. It’s all true. I read all of the book… up until the werewolf falling in love with a baby. Since that night, this and for the past two months, this was my labor of hate. Luckily, its a shared hatred and the awesome folks at The Daily What as well as Jezebel picked it up. Special thanks to Melissa Carubia for providing me with an epic fantasy track and Devin Faraci for the inspiration.

Update: More features!  Check us out on EW PopWatch, Perez Hilton, Gamma Squad and Daily Motion! Word is we can expect a few more as well over the next week! Full credits on YouTube.

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Harvey Legman’s Used Windowless Vans

When C.C. pitched the idea of his Harvey Legman character to Hot Biscuit, he was thinking about making it an audio-only commercial, about 30 seconds in length. I refused, the concept deserved so much better and could offer so much visually. We were under a time crunch to get it together for our one year anniversary show at the Jon Lovitz Comedy Club, so I made C.C. a deal… if he could procure a creepy white van, I would shoot the video and have it edited within 24 hours.

C.C. came through with the best windowless van $25 can rent and I cooked up with several more gags while shooting. His timing was off-the-charts good (not a bad take in the mix) and it really shows in the end result. The crowd at the Lovitz theater (and Lovitz himself I think) really enjoyed it and we got a nice little write up on Atom.com. We’ll check back in if we get any more features (I’m looking at you, College Humor and Funny or Die).

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LINK… IS AN ASSHOLE

So we shot this one in April 2009 based on some of my standup from Jan 2009.

Then I got hung up on the rupee graphics and stored it away for later. What happened after that? College Humor AND Smosh tackled similar subjects. How could they not, it’s a pretty obvious Zelda gag.

Whatever, I like mine better!

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Never Been Spliced

Couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d seen the monster in Splice before. Thus:

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Gross Girlfriend

Based on a partially true story. This is as gross as we get, promise.

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Get Betty White to Host an Alien Parasite!

Started a Facebook Group based on a quick pun.  Then it kinda took off.

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As featured on The Daily What

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MacGruubs Got Moves!

I wrote, shot and edited this in under 48 hours for a MacGruber video contest and am quite happy with the final product.  Making a bomb was hard, especially without hot glue. (Note to self: get hot glue). If you want to help me win some money, just click this link http://bit.ly/MacGruberShort and watch it once more.  Views = $$$. Thanks!


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Mustache Gun!

I can’t believe I haven’t written about Mustache Gun yet.  This one has been doing pretty well, we’ve scored top 10 in the Atom Comedy Tournament for two weeks in a row with it, and saw some features on Weebls-Stuff and the Funny or Die Weekly Poll.  Sadly, I learned of the poll mere hours after it closed and didn’t get to throw any votes at it.

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REMIX: Obama Reads “Green Eggs and Ham”

I get a lot of ideas for techno remixes and this is the first one I’ve ever actually gone ahead and created.  I mean, Obama’s Easter reading of “Green Eggs and Ham” begged for it. I want to get more efficient with beat-creation-software so I can create even more complicated pieces but I threw this together in one night to beat any other potential remixes to the punch.

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Revenge of the Peeps

Last year, the peeps gained some steam and popularity around the net. This year we saw a return with some cool features on Roger Ebert’s twitter, Mental Floss, Serious Eats and for some hilarious reason… Man Hunt Daily.

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Razor Scooter Directions on Google Maps

I had this idea the day that Google Maps for Bikes came out. And then I lost my camera charger. Once a new one came (with a little help from eBay and China) I ran over to Google headquarters and filmed away!

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