The Loving Path

Love.

I look around me and it’s all I see. It’s everywhere. It’s in the smile of a stranger, the laughter of a child, the embrace of an old friend. It’s in the gift of friendship, a late night text from your favourite person, the way your loved ones look into your eyes when they are speaking with you. It’s in the sweet snuggles of your children, their kisses, buried in your neck. It’s in their wondrous stories, the ones they make up just for you. And it’s in your heart, bursting at the seams when you steal a glance at them, Being exactly who they were meant to Be.

Love.

It’s not complicated. It’s the only thing that isn’t. When we break it down, Love just Is. It’s our natural state of Being.

hearts follow him everywhere he goes

Now fear, that’s complicated. It’s bitter and ugly and hostile and violent and angry and scary and mistrustful and sends us running from the only thing that really matters. Love.

When we attempt to dissect fear, we will find that there is a lot more going on under the surface. There is insecurity, uncertainty, paranoia, outdated beliefs, perhaps influences from others that tarnish our own inner knowing. There is misinformation, a closed mind, a lack of knowledge. All these things, and more, will without doubt lead to fear. Fear makes us small.

So how do we stand in Love, instead of running from fear?  That’s not complicated either – we just choose Love. Stand in it. Be it. Spread it. Live it. Feel it with everything in you. Turn off your TVs and radios leaving the fear-based media frenzy behind. Instead, grab your kids, loved one(s) and head outside to nature. Say hi to a stranger you encounter on your walk. They might give you a strange look at first (if this isn’t common in your neck of the woods), but wishing them a good day will most certainly warm their hearts. Take a handful of nuts to the park to feed the squirrels – such a wonderful way for children to see love in action. Pay for a stranger’s coffee, leave a note on someone’s windshield, pick up garbage, make eye contact, donate gently used books to your local library, make cookies for a neighbour, visit an retirement home, play with your kids (something they love, and allow yourself to get REALLY involved).

all you need is love

There are a million ways you can spread love. Each one ripples out into your community and beyond, and has such a positive effect. Being Love is easy. Give people the benefit of the doubt. It is our innate nature as humans to be Good. Yep, you are going to be let down, it happens, but don’t let that fear be your compass. Focus on the good and don’t let anyone run the Love out of you.

A bunch of years ago, we were struggling with a neighbour of ours. They had an outbuilding that was falling apart and it sat on the property line and posed a great risk to, my then, tiny boy. We had talked about it on and off but they didn’t really see it as an issue. I should have been more persistent. I wasn’t. I called the city and filed a complaint. While complaints such as these are anonymous, our neighbours knew perfectly well it was us. And so, they stopped talking to us. No more good mornings, no more friendly smiles. They were indeed angry. Looking back, I don’t blame them. I handled it poorly.

I became uncomfortable, didn’t like being outside when they were there. it was awkward. Fred, my deeply loving husband, refused to let it get him down. He continued to greet them every morning. “Good morning,” he’d say, in an almost sing-songy voice. Every. Single. Day. In the beginning, he got nothing back. Eventually, he got grunts. Then, muttered salutations. And finally, they were smiling and wishing us good morning before we could open our mouths.

heart-centred

Love.

When you stand in Love, people will not be able to reject it. They might try, in the beginning, as being shown love can make us uncomfortable for many reasons. But if we genuinely Love, and share that with people, day after day, it breaks down the hard exteriors and eventually, the Love reaches their heart and transformation occurs.

I have no room for fear in my heart. I truly believe we all want to feel connected to one another. Fear creates division and an “us against them” mentality, which makes it easier to look the other way when people are suffering. Love is inclusive. It is a “we are all One” mentality and makes us long to help those less fortunate than us, to make a difference in our community, to stand in Love.

Martin Luther King Jr said, “Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.” I’ve seen first hand how this is true and I think about how if each of us can stand in Love instead of running in fear, our world will be transformed. I refuse to run from fear, but will always stand in Love.

Namaste,
Debbie

dragonfly bridge

We were a little reclusive this summer. We tended towards hibernation, except for a few small things like our favourite music festival, the fair, and summer camp. Other than that, you could mostly find us tucked inside the house just doing our own thing. Part of this was Isaac’s irrational  (but, of course, very Real) fear of wasps. Oi! Getting that boy from the house to the car, which, by the way, is all of maybe 7 feet) was like a scene from a horror movie where every “monster” imaginable was trying to attack him. It wore me down. We did develop some strategies for coping better, like, I would make sure the car was unlocked so all he had to do was run like a madman to the car to avoid the swarm of wasps that were always about to sting him. .__. We also compromised in such a way that had me practically carrying him to the car (did I mention he’s 9?) so that he felt safe. Sometimes he took a squirt bottle with him (not my first choice, but it made him feel in control). And there were others. At the end of the day, these strategies got us out of the house when absolutely necessary, but if we didn’t HAVE to be somewhere, we usually stayed home.

Fast forward many months and I had a bit of a break down. I’ve been feeling claustrophobic. Hmm, like I’m scrunched up inside a box and the box keeps getting smaller and smaller and yet there’s nowhere for me to expand. I’ve been feeling like I am going to explode, or implode. Not sure which one, maybe both, if I didn’t GET. OUT. SIDE.

the most beautiful day in the world

Isaac apologized. He very much felt the burden of my current dilemma as one that is his fault. In part, but not entirely. I could have walked after Fred was home. I could have made time to get out on my own, and I did, but just in the backyard, tending to the garden. But what my soul longed for was wide open spaces. Trees. Nature on all sides of me. The sound of crickets and frogs and birds and squirrels. Fresh air. Water. Sun on my face. Nature has been calling to me and it was time for me to go.

So, both Monday and Tuesday, with 20’C + weather, we got outside. Also, there were no wasps. That helped. First, to Westminster Ponds – our very favourite place in all of London to hike. It was just the two of us and we started at our favourite spot, knowing that the hike would be about an hour-ish. AWWWW! It was so gorgeous to get out and feel the crisp leaves under foot, to chase my munchkin through the trees and over bridges, to pause for a snack, to pretend we were on an adventure. And of course, we were. We gathered nature stuff – acorns, milkweed pods, a gazillion leaves (no exaggeration). It was glorious.

walking his own path

On Tuesday we were fortunate to have a friend join us. Like me, Isaac thrives on companionship and so to have a sweet friend along was lovely for both of us. This time we went to The Coves, which is only a few blocks from our house. We walked over and hiked for a good hour. Isaac decided he’d like to give names to different places, kind of like landmarks. He had a blast with that as my friend and I attempted to catch up. HA! Never much catching up when Isaac is around. He MUST be the centre of all attention, one hundred percent of the time. Awe, my little Leo. ❤

I have to say, today I am feeling much less “compressed inside a box” than I was. I’m feeling like I can take a deep breath now, and my cardboard sides aren’t pushing up against me quite so forcefully. It’s interesting to me – I know how connected to the earth I am, to nature, and that when I neglect that connection, I’m deeply affected, and yet now and then, I let it slide. This time was for the sanity of my sweet boy, but in doing that I neglected me and that does NOT make me a better parent. He and I have chatted about this and he gets it. I think we are on the same page, now.

connecting with friends

So, here’s too connecting with nature, with the seasons, to our soul’s longing, to the needs of our children, to making things work when it seems there is no way, to being with friends, to knowing ourselves. Here’s to life, and to living it in exactly the way that makes our heart smile. ❤

Namaste,
Debbie

even the seasons bear their truth

For as long as I can remember, my Truth has stirred inside of me, making its presence known. A calling, really. I have memories, early childhood memories, of this aching deep inside, something that needed expression, to be explored, to be lived. A calling home.
When I was wee, I remember being scolded for doing something, and while I shuddered under the shame and guilt of not meeting someone’s approval, I also silently cried for joy, knowing that, while not “acceptable” behaviour (what the hell is that, anyway?), it was my Truth and I knew that no one could take that away from me.

I have another memory – one of riding in the car with some family members. They were discussing (gossiping, really) about someone we all knew, about how this person raised her child, in such a different way than what was normally done back then. It was “permissive parenting,” the kid needed a “smack, not a reasoning session.” (Um, it’s called attachment parenting, people.) As they slowly tore this person down I remember thinking, “I think she’s really cool.” Hmm, I was a kid, what did I know? And then I went on about something, chatting away as I always did (and often, still do) and these family members turned to me and said, “Oh, you are JUST like, so-and-so.”

Now, I wonder if it’s because I was only a child (albeit, a young teen), that they weren’t much paying attention to what they had just done. On one hand, condemning someone for choices they make regarding how they live their lives, and on the other, telling me I was just like that person. Hmm. And I remember sitting there thinking, “Did you really just do that?”  I’m pretty sure they were completely unaware as to what they had just done. But it was not lost on me. And yet despite being grouped in with someone whose behaviours and life choices were not met with approval, I was silently dancing inside. In fact, I’m pretty sure I did a little fist pump in the back seat because the categorization told me I was on the right path. My Truth. I was singing from the top of my heart’s mountain.

Over the years there have been plenty of times where that truth has been challenged – taking jobs I knew I’d hate, staying in relationships long past their expiration date, heeding advice that I knew was not in my best interest. In the end though, Truth always made itself known. She would scream at me until I couldn’t sleep at night. She would make me sick, and then sicker, until I thought I was dying. She would weigh me down to the point that I had no choice BUT to give in and listen to her. And you know what? I’m glad she was so stubborn, because as soon as you turn around and say goodbye to all that is not serving you and, once again, embrace your Truth, you begin to thrive. And I don’t just mean, survive. I mean, THRIVE. Doors open up, things fall into place, the universe says, “Finally!!! Took you long enough.”

Nowadays, there is very little that can deter me from my Truth. I feel as though it is my utmost responsibility to honour it for everything it has to teach me. It is why we are here, to honour our Truth. To Be who we are supposed to Be.   And I say this not just for myself – but for my child, too. There is so much I want for him, more than anything it is for him to be true to who he is. Never will he catch me telling him, “Meh, that’s not a great career choice” or, “why would you wear that?” or, “what purpose will that serve?” or, or, or. His truth is his own and it lies outside of the confines of any box. If he learns anything, I hope it’s this: that he can be anything, do anything, love anyone, live anywhere, accomplish anything, fight for anything – and that as long as it’s his Truth, then it’s exactly what he’s meant to be doing. That, as long as he’s honouring his Truth, he’ll be honouring himself. And that, in a world full of chaos, is the greatest gift we can give ourselves.

Namaste,
Debbie

September’s Blood Moon

If there is one thing most people can agree on, it’s that human beings don’t like change. Change is uncomfortable, it’s scary, it requires entering into unknown territory. And often, it hurts. When faced with change, many of us are quick to throw a rope around the thing that is changing, and cling to it for dear life, as if that will bring a halt to the change. It won’t. What will happen, however, is that the change will slowly wear us down, begin to devour us, even kill us. We can attempt to fight change as long and as hard as we want, but what is meant to change is going to change, whether we are accepting of it, or not.

So the question is, why do we hold on to what we know we should release? For the last year and a half I have been holding on so tightly to something that needed to be released. But I didn’t know how to let go. The thought of letting go was so painful I thought I’d die. Truthfully, I didn’t know who I was in the face of this absence. And so, I held on, tighter and tighter. I hoped that things would change again, in my favour. They didn’t. I hoped that just a slight shift in my mindset and I’d be golden. I wasn’t. I thought that in time, things wouldn’t hurt so much. They still do. And so why the hell would a sane individual hold on to something that causes such pain? (Truthfully, I was starting to question the sanity bit.)  I’m not sure I know. I do know that letting go has to be done only when you are ready. That no one can tell you, “it’s time.”  It’s never time, until you decide. In time, things become clear, your heart strengthens, your mind clears, and that which once seemed so vital to your existence, no longer is. And then, and only then, you long for release. Finally, you ache to let go.

This is not to say it’s easy, simply because you make the choice.  Life is never easy and letting go of what was, be it a job, a relationship, a house or hometown, a community that you have had a hand in building – is heartbreaking. But it can be done and life does go on. Those places that ached so badly you begged for relief in the form of eternal sleep, start to fade. If, like me, you are lucky to have a handful of people whom you can count on for non-judgmental support, unconditional love, day after day after day, then it will be that much less for you to carry on your own. But understand it is still work. And the work is yours to do.

Why do we hold on? Because it is all we know. Because we don’t know who we will be when certain aspects of “us” are released to the ether forever. No one knows. But I can promise you this – it is far better than where you are right now – stuck in an in between world. In between happy and sad, loving and misery, hopeful and defeated, free and anxious, and on and on and on. The universe would not have us arrive at these crossroads only to make a choice that would make us “less than” what we were before. No. You will go on to be larger than life, an expression of your creativity, happier than you ever thought possible. You will be a garden full of your favourite flowers. You will be the gorgeous smell of rain hitting warm cement. You will be the sweet song of the birds chirping outside your window at the crack of dawn. You will be your favourite t-shirt, fresh from the dryer, snug against your body. You will be the smell of wood smoke on a cold December day. Oh, you will be gorgeous. But first, you have to just let go. ❤

Namaste,
Debbie

It is my hope to be here every day this month, to share just a bit of myself. I hope to see you here. xxoo