Empowering Roots…

This is a very good article to those who are still single – may learn something from here…. I received this in my email and it surely was thought provoking. Those who are already married can surely enhance their thoughts and relationship through this.

Did I Marry The Right Person?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, “How do I know if I married the right person?”
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, “It depends. Is that your husband?” In all seriousness, she answered “How do you know?”
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind.

Here’s the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love… Because it’s happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.” Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. Falling is love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It’s the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, “Did I marry the right person?” And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And temporarily you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in marriage is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found.. Sustaining love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You can’t “find” LASTING love. You have to “make” it day in and day out.

That’s why we have the __expression “the labor of love.” Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable…you can “make” love.

“Love in marriage is indeed a “decision”… Not just a feeling
No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK.
And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice”

There are many things that we can do to perk up and strengthen our interpersonal relationships, Yet the most effective involves the saying of just three words:

“I Miss You.”

Perhaps more marriages could be saved and strengthened if couples simply and sincerely said to each other “I Miss You”.This powerful affirmation tells partners they are wanted, needed, desired and loved Consider how ecstatic you would feel, if you received an unexpected phone call from your spouse in the middle of your workday just to say “I Miss You”.

“I Respect You.”

Respect is another way of showing love. Respect conveys the feeling that another person is a true equal. If you talk to your children as if they were adults you will strengthen the bonds and become close friends. This applies to all interpersonal relationships.

“I’ll Be There.”

If you have ever had to call a friend in the middle of the night, to take a sick child to hospital, or when your car has broken down some miles from home, you will know how good it feels to hear the phrase “I’ll be there.” Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give. When we are truly present for other people, important things happen to them and us. We are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored emotionally and spiritually. Being there is at the very core of civility.

“Maybe You’re Right.”

This phrase is highly effective in diffusing an argument and restoring frayed emotions. The flip side to “maybe your right” is the humility of admitting, “Maybe I’m wrong”. Let’s face it. When you have a heated argument with someone, all you do is cement the other person’s point of view. They, or you, will not change their stance and you run the risk of seriously damaging the relationship between you. Saying “maybe you’re right” can open the door to further explore the subject, in which you may then have the opportunity to get your view across in a more rational manner.

“Please Forgive Me.”

Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults, foibles and failures. A man should never be ashamed to own up that he has been in the wrong, which is saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.

“I Thank You.”

Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the companionship of good, close friends are those who don’t take daily courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of friends is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of gratitude.

“Count On Me.”

Loyalty is an essential ingredient for true friendship. It is the emotional glue that bonds people. Those that are rich in their relationships tend to be steady and true friends.When troubles come, a good friend is there indicating you can “count on me.”

“Let Me Help.”

The best of friends see a need and try to fill it. When they spot a hurt they do what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they pitch in and help.

“I Understand You.”

People become closer and enjoy each other more if they feel the other person accepts and understands them. Letting your spouse know in so many little ways that you understand them is one of the most powerful tools for healing your relationship This applies to any relationship.

“I Love You.”

Perhaps the most important three words that you can say. Telling someone that you truly love them satisfies a person’s deepest emotional needs. The need to belong, to feel appreciated and to be wanted. Your family, your friends and you, all need to hear those three little words. “I Love You.”