A Squeaky Door

It has been a day. One of those days where, at the end of it, I am left with the undeniable desire to curl up in bed and shove my face with any and all chocolate I can find.

True/False: There is an open bag of chocolate chips on my bed.

It has been a day where nothing is going perfectly wrong, but nothing is going exactly right either. I feel like I've been stuck in limbo all day lacking the will power to make today good. So when dinner time rolled around and Reece went through her own dinner routine of taking one bite and proclaiming that her stomach was full I just closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and told myself, "An hour and a half to bedtime." I feel like a terrible mother at times with how often I count down to bedtime. Improving my ability to mentally and emotionally endure the roller coaster days that come with being a mom is always on my to do list.

Two and a half hours later (about 45 minutes past bedtime), I walked in the door from choir practice to see Reece in the chair with Derek and to hear MJ up in her crib yelling. "Reece really wanted to see you," he said. She ran over and gave me a hug. I stopped and soaked in that moment where her arms were wrapped so tightly around my neck. I kissed her forehead and said, "I'm going to change into my pajamas, get MJ to sleep, and then when I get back down we're reading scriptures, saying prayer, and you're going to bed."

I came back downstairs and asked Reece to come sit with us so that we could read scriptures together. Apparently, when you're four years old, trying to zip an impossibly large bouncy ball into a very small flower-shaped coin purse is of much greater importance than reading the scriptures with your family. I lost my patience in the blink of an eye and immediately started with the infamous countdown. She got mad, threw her purse in the toybox, and stomped over to me. At this point, I was not only tired, but I was feeling like I no longer liked my child. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter. Always. Unconditionally. There are small moments, however, when I do not particularly like her.

The door to Reece and Marley's bedroom has been squeaky since the day we moved in. I keep thinking to myself that we really need to grease the hinges, but that task sits pretty low on the priority list. So it is still undone. And the door is still very squeaky. However, it does alert me whenever the door is being opened.

I had heard that door squeak open five times already. The first time we told her to come down to us, we talked with her, and sent her back to bed. The next time we asked her what was wrong, gave her a solution, and sent her to bed. The next time Derek tucked her into bed and sang her a song. And the next two times, as soon as I heard that door squeak I simply said, "Reece, get back in bed right now," and repeated that phrase as many times as was necessary to get her back into bed.

I was mad. Reece knew I was mad. Derek and I were watching Holiday Baking Championship! Food Network is what we like to watch together to unwind and just relax. And I felt robbed! Robbed of my time with my husband to simply sit and watch some bakers fail in a phenomenal way at making a modern yule log on national television!

When the door squeaked again I was ready to launch myself off of the couch and run up those stairs and glue my daughter's bum in her bed. Figuratively, of course. But I felt a tug at my heart and a prompting to "just wait." I did my best to have a neutral expression on my face and kindness in my voice as I asked, "Reece, why are you out of bed?"

She looked at me with a sad and uncertain look on her face and said, "I'm out of bed not because I'm going to come downstairs but because I'm going to go over by my toys and pray to Jesus."

I nodded my head and heard her small footsteps as she walked over to her toys.

Derek muted the TV, and I heard her sad and sweet voice say, "Dear Heavenly Father, please help me to not have bad dreams, but to have happy thoughts and good dreams. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen."

No sooner was her prayer over than I heard her little feet run back to her room. The door squeaked shut. My eyes filled with tears as guilt and a handful of other emotions washed over me like a tsunami. I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for blessing me with such a sweet little girl to be an example to me when I need it most. I am so grateful for having the gospel in my life. For the wonderful teachers that Reece has had at church that have helped to instill and nurture her faith. And I am begrudgingly grateful for that stupid squeaky door, because without it, I might have missed this sweet, testimony-building, and humbling experience.

Being a mom can be really rough. Especially when you have a free-spirited and strong-willed little girl on your hands. There are days where I cry more than she does. But people have told me, and I'm sure that someday I will know, that this is all worth it.

And, in case you were wondering, the answer is true.

Mommy, Will You Please?

"Nana, just get out of the kitchen!" I groaned at the family dog. She couldn't help but follow her nose, which inevitably leads her into the kitchen where she is constantly underfoot. I was frantically trying to throw together the crust for some lemon bars, cook chicken for dinner, and talk Reece through the process of putting her shoes away:

1. Pick up the shoes.
2. Walk to the shoe basket (which was about 15 feet away).
3. Put the shoes in the basket.

Simple enough, and yet this resulted in a catastrophic amount of tears, Reece in a puddle on the floor, all while Marley was crying. I escorted Reece up to her bedroom and told her that she needed to lay on her bed until she could calm down. 

I went downstairs and sat down to nurse the baby. Halfway through feeding Marley I realized that I had forgotten to set the timer on the crust for the lemon bars. I hurriedly got up, guessed at how long the crust had been in the oven, and set a timer. 

At this point, I was completely flustered and frazzled. 

Marley finished eating and Reece came downstairs happy and ready to put her shoes away. Hooray! I went back into the kitchen to finish preparing dinner. I had to get everything cooked and prepared before 3:00pm because the missionaries were coming over for dinner at 5:00pm and I had piano lessons to teach from 3:00-5:00pm. Meanwhile, Reece had begun playing with her helium Valentine's Day balloon and was my happy, cheerful girl once again.

"Mom, look at this!" Reece said. She took her balloon and hit it against her head and then proceeded to laugh hysterically. This made me laugh, which prompted her to do it again. And she laughed hysterically. I got down on the floor and she hit me with the balloon, which made us both laugh. Can I just say that there is nothing better than laughing with your kids? 

Best. Feeling. Ever.

I gave her a kiss on her head and continued to get dinner ready. A second later I heard a loud pop. I turned to see Reece holding the limp shell of a helium balloon with a look of horror and shock on her face. Her mouth turned in to a frown and I knelt down and gave her a hug. She started to cry and asked me what happened to her balloon. It's amazing how the things that break their hearts, as simple as they may be, break yours as well.

I feebly explained that her balloon popped, and that once a balloon has popped, it can't be fixed. She spent the next couple of minutes begging me to fix her balloon. I got her calmed down and then moved on to making the filling for the lemon bars. 

Just a minute later Reece started to cry over her balloon. Again. I hate to admit that I was getting tired and losing my patience. But then from my sweet, blue-eyed, teary-voiced little girl came the words, "Mommy, will you please hold me?" My mind instantly thought about how quickly she's growing, and how I don't know how much longer she will actually want me to hold her. I put down the whisk and scooped her up. Tears blurred my vision as hers dampened my shirt. I just stood there and held her. 

That was my moment to realize that I need to take every opportunity to hold that sweet girl. To give her a hug. To sit and giggle with her over something as silly as a balloon. To kiss her cheek. In fact, tonight as I was tucking her in, I kissed her cheek and then kissed her forehead. 

She said, "Mommy, you already kissed me!" 

"Well, I wanted to kiss you twice!" I said.

"But why?"

"Because I love you! Goodnight Reecie."

"I love you too, Mommy."

Guys, my heart melted. I came downstairs and snuggled little miss MJ in the rocking chair for a few minutes. I am determined to soak up every minute and every ounce of them while they are still little, and while they still say, "Mommy, will you please hold me?"

Our First Few Weeks with Marley Jeene

On Friday, December 11th at 1:45pm, Marley Jeene Morgan made her entrance into this world. She weighed 6 pounds 13 ounces and was 20 inches long. Marley has added more love to our family than I thought possible in the short 17 days that she has been with us so far.

I look like a zombie in this picture
because it was taken at 11:30pm the night before
Marley was born. I was 41 weeks and 2 days
pregnant and completely exhausted. But, for the
sake of remembering, I included
this awful super flattering picture.

I'm going to write out my experience at the hospital simply so that I have it written somewhere. If you don't like reading this kind of stuff, simply skip the next three paragraphs.

I was due December 2nd. My due date came and went with nothing to get excited about. I went to an appointment the next day only to find out I wasn't dilated any further than I was the week before. At my appointment a week later I was dilated a little more, but not much. Being already eight days late my doctor wanted to induce me. I was set to receive a phone call from the hospital the next day as early as 4:00am telling me to come in. That night I made sure my phone's volume was all the way up and set to an incredibly obnoxious ringtone (I am a really heavy sleeper). I woke up at 4:30am to the most awful sound, fumbled around for my phone, and answered it. It was the hospital and they wanted me there at 6:00am! I was so excited. After a shower and some breakfast, Derek and I headed to the hospital. My mom was going to meet us there a little later, and my dad was all set to drop Reece off with my sister-in-law.

We checked into the hospital at 6:15am and they started me on pitocin at 7:30am. The anesthesiologist at the hospital was scheduled to be in a C-section at 9:00am, so my doctor called and said that I could wait until the anesthesiologist was done with the surgery, but by then I might have progressed too far to get an epidural. So we decided to get it before he went into surgery. Getting the epidural was painless and easy, however it only worked on one side. My right leg was completely numb. I couldn't even lift it off the bed, yet my left leg felt completely normal. I still wasn't feeling any painful contractions, but they were about 3-6 minutes apart and I was dilated to a 6. My doctor got to the hospital and broke my water at 12:20pm. At that point I was dilated to an 8, and still not feeling painful contractions. But once they broke my water, the contractions came on strong.

By 1:00pm I was feeling full labor contractions all on my left side, while my right side was still totally numb. Marley's heart rate was dropping with each contraction and taking longer to recover than they like to see, which made my nurse wonder if the cord had wrapped around Marley's neck when the water broke. My doctor came back at 1:30pm (she had been in surgery for the last hour) to check on me. I was fully dilated, but Marley was still up really high. She hung around, watched Marley's charts, and told me to let her know if I felt the need to push. Five minutes and a few more contractions later, and I felt like I wanted to push. A few minutes later my doctor was gowned and had everything she needed to deliver the baby. After just a few short minutes (they didn't feel very short to me at the time) Marley was born! She had the cord wrapped around her body and neck. The nurses laid her on my chest immediately  and started checking her vitals. Because the cord had been wrapped around her neck her heart was having a hard time recovering. So they took her to a little table in my room to monitor her until her heart recovered. Derek stood next to her the entire time holding her hand. I loved that their first priority was getting Marley skin-to-skin and that when they needed to keep a closer eye on her they kept her in my room where I could see her. I was in complete relief once she was born. And when they laid Marley on my chest I was just in awe at how beautiful and perfect she was.

Me and Marley just seconds after she was born.

That night we had so many family members come visit us, it was wonderful! I loved getting to see them all and I love that they all got to meet Marley when she was less than a day old. Family is such an amazing blessing, and I count myself even more blessed to have most of our family members so close!

The bili-bed model Marley was on.

The next day we found out that Marley had jaundice, like Reece. We left the hospital that evening with Marley's bilirubin levels at a 9. The next morning when we took her to the lab to get her levels checked again she had jumped up to a 14.4. A company that provides in-home phototherapy for infants came to the house that night and brought a bili-bed for Marley to use. Essentially, it's a platform with a clear top that has ultraviolet lights that shine on the baby as they lay on it. There is a blanket that covers the top of the platform that has a sleeper sewn onto it, however the back of the sleeper is mesh so that the lights can shine through and be on her skin. Marley was on the lights from Sunday evening until Friday morning. It was a challenge for me because she was only supposed to be off of the lights when she needed to be fed, and they wanted her to be off the lights for no more than 30-45 minutes at a time. We couldn't just hold her and snuggle her any time we wanted. I felt like I was being robbed of the sweetness of the newborn stage. I was pretty negative the entire time Marley was on the lights, just waiting and waiting for her bilirubin levels to go low enough so she could be done with phototherapy. However, I realize how blessed we were to have her be treated in our home instead of at the hospital, that her bilirubin levels never got dangerously high, and that she handled being on the bed so well. She hardly ever fussed at us when she was strapped in there.

Once she was able to come off the lights I felt like I got to live the normal life of a mom with a newborn. It was so nice to be able to sit and snuggle with her for as long as I wanted! Marley hardly spent more than a few minutes in her swing or bouncer seat before Derek, Reece, or my parents went over to hold her. She has been spoiled with so much love!

  

We had settled on the name Marley a while before she was born, but we didn't settle on a middle name until just a few weeks before. We kept it a secret because we knew that we wanted to be able to tell our moms first once Marley was born. Marley's middle name is Jeene. Jeene is a combination of my mom's name (Jerri) and my mother-in-law's name (Dorene). You take the first two letters of Jerri and the last three letters of Dorene and you get Jeene! It was maybe an hour after Marley was born, and it was me, Derek, my mom, and my mother-in-law in the hospital room. We told them Marley's middle name and they both looked happy. But when we explained why we chose the name we did, they both got tears in their eyes. It was a really sweet moment. We love that this little girl is named after both of her terrific grandmas!

Marley is the sweetest little thing, and I can't imagine life without her! I love seeing Reece as a big sister. If Marley starts making any kind of noise, Reece rushes over, pats her cheek and says, "It's okay Marley, your big sisters here. She's right here." It melts my heart.

These two little beauties are my whole world. I love being their mom. It has been interesting adjusting to the demands of a three year old and a newborn, but I think we've found our rhythm. We love our Miss Marley!