15, 900, 54000

I am getting married tomorrow.

It hit me when I sat down to write this post and calculated the time left until my wedding, and I could only do three different measurements of time: hours, minutes, and seconds... because I have less then a day until I will be a married woman.

I feel like a big pitcher filled with water that then has all different varieties of powdered drink flavors dumped in, and shaken up until there is not one, uniform flavor to the water. Of course, since I write so metaphorically, the different powders are the different emotions all mixed up inside of me. But in all reality, overall, I am ready to be married. My brain hurts, my head hurts, and my nose is congested; I'm ready to be done and just be a Mrs. already. 

There are a lot of things that I have to be so grateful for right now.

1. My family all around me.
2. My fiance.
3. The gospel.

I am so grateful to have my entire family surrounding me at this transitional and somewhat scary time of life. I'm very excited and very ready to be a wife, but there's a comfort unlike any other in having the support of your family.

Derek has been the greatest blessing in my life. I am so grateful for him, his kindness, his sense of humor, and how much I can see that he loves me. If my nerves act up and I start to feel like my insides are trying to work their way to the outside, I think about who I am marrying, and suddenly my intestines are once again content to stay on the inside. Which is a fabulous thing.

And last, but definitely not least, I am so grateful for the gospel. The perspective that it gives me and the comfort I receive from that is something I can't get from anywhere else. Having a temple worthy fiance who made it a priority and a goal to be married there is a strength to my own priorities and goals.

I am getting married tomorrow.

And I can't WAIT!!!!

Finding Your Tomorrow

Strange, isn't it? Thinking about trying to "find" tomorrow. Our sense of common logic tells us that tomorrow will come, the sun will rise, and the day will end in a night and that there is nothing we can do about it. It tells us that we don't have to find our tomorrow, but that tomorrow will just come to us despite problems, worries, fears, or hardships. 

In my mind, the idea of tomorrow and the potential it has is what brings happiness in life. I suppose that you could say I didn't have to find my tomorrow; you could say that it came to me. The only hitch was that I had to realize that I had my tomorrow. Many people try to go through life preserving their youth; staying young, vivacious, and solo, thinking that it will be what brings them happiness. But my sense of common logic tells me that it would eventually get very lonely. And that loneliness is what will make you lose that feeling of youth; loneliness is what will age you. The secret to "staying young", according to my own speculation which you don't have to give any credit to, is finding someone to stay young with. 

When I think about tomorrow, it is equivalent with thinking about Derek. He is my tomorrow. My tomorrows are his, and his tomorrows are mine. And until I realized it, my life felt like one long and dreadfully boring today.
But the best part is that once you start your life together, your tomorrows never end.

1.5, 6, 42, 1008

     I cannot believe that I will be married in six weeks. Time has been flying by so far and I am so happy that it has! If there was one thing I did not want to happen it was for time to drag. But good news! It feels like I have only been at school for a few weeks, when in reality it's been ten weeks. Six weeks... man, I remember when I first started counting down the days to my wedding. My first number was 96 days, and I thought that was close! Now, it's only a month and a half away.
Or...
  6 weeks
   or...
    42 days
     or...
      1008 hours
       or...
        60,480 minutes
          or...
            3,628,800 seconds. Okay, so I probably took it a little far when I figured out how many seconds.


     Wedding plans are coming along just great and my life hasn't been too overly stressful, so that has been a relief. I love spending every day with Derek. I know I'm stubborn and probably get under his skin all the time, but he is still patient with me. Even when I try to be mad because I feel for one reason or another like I should be, I don't make it very long. Once I look at him, he's making some kind of goofy face, and I crack a smile. Frustrating isn't it?

     I can't wait to get married. ONLY 6 WEEKS!

Creative Genius

That phrase often used to describe a phenomenal composer, author, artist, or any other personage who creates things of great admiration and honor during our human existence, is a rather ironic use of rhetoric in my opinion. It doesn't seem to have any negative connotation to it; the word genius is included. People such as Leonardo da Vinci, Mozart, Beethoven, Michelangelo, and Albert Einstein have often had that descriptor tagged to their identities, so how could there possibly be anything negative to the phrase "creative genius." Well, I'm here to tell you that there can be, and there is.

The creative power of the human mind is incredible. There is an estimated 10-100 billion neurons in our brain constantly firing electrical impulses down their axons to the dendrites (the finger-like appendages at the end of each neuron) that then either send those impulses, or release neurotransmitters as messengers, to the other dendrites of the other neuron or neurons sharing that synapse. There are an estimated 100 trillion synapses in the human brain. If you think about it, they say that your brain is roughly the size of your two fists put together. Do this with me now: make a fist with both of your hands, and place them against each other, knuckles touching. Within that approximate size, 10-100 billion neurons and 100 trillion synapses exist; your whole body is operated from within that power source. Including your creativity.

From the time I was a little girl, I knew I had strong mind and an even stronger imagination. I could think up princesses and castles in far-away lands with beautiful skies that never turned gray, and an endless supply of chocolates. At the same time these wonderful childhood images could turn sour very quickly. I had frequent nightmares as a kid; many of them happening over, and over, and over again. To this day I can still remember some of the worst ones. It is this fact that convinces me that creativity can be a little more than unpleasant at times. Moments of inspiration can occur whenever they please. And most of the time you don't get to choose when this inspiration strikes. For me, that moment occurred around 3:14 AM.

I'm not exactly sure how long I was dreaming for, or when my dream started, but I woke up at 3:14 this morning in a panic. Tears in my eyes threatening to spill down stood on the brink of my lids as I stayed very still and re-ran my whole nightmare back through my mind. It was awful. My sympathetic nervous system was still running strong even once the nightmare was over, and I could not shake the feeling that something was wrong. My neurons were going crazy, the synapses were filled with messages and neurotransmitters. With the way my imagination was running wild with me, I'm sure I would have believed that the Earth was going to open up and swallow me and my small twin bed from this dinky bedroom in this dinky apartment. My "creative genius" was at work, and not for a good cause.

Now, don't get me wrong, I find the brain fascinating and I appreciate art, music, writing, and other creations of the human mind as much as, if not more than, the next person. But to be perfectly honest, I do not appreciate these night-time interruptions to my beauty sleep.

The Joys of Being Engaged

It is that rush of adrenaline, that surge of pure happiness that bursts through your soul as the words, “Will you marry me?” are uttered that make that moment unforgettable. And the fact that you can hear the tremor in his voice and see the shaking in his hands as he is down on one knee in your backyard awaiting your response definitely leaves an imprint on your mind. That day is filled with the excitement of being engaged and spreading the exciting news to family and friends.

The next few months are exciting as well, although a bit more stressful. The plans for the wedding have to be started and you, or me, in this situation, start to realize just how much actually goes into planning a wedding. The smallest details that you would never think about when attending a wedding reception have to be thought about when you are in charge. This excitement of looking at dresses, picking out shoes, looking for bridesmaids outfits, flowers, cake, punch, decorations, jewelry, hair styles, everything that you need to be a bride keeps most brides going, going, going until their wedding day.

Except for me…

Don’t get me wrong, I am so very grateful to be here at BYU-I, but it stresses me out. I completely lose my mind, including any sort of memory I had, when it comes to my personal life because it’s all being consumed by my studies. When I have to shove my brain full of information and knowledge about chemistry, molecular structures, polarity, lattice energy, and hybridized orbitals, who has room for more?! Being in school also helps make the days seem like they drag on for eternities.

As I’ve been here at school, I’ve realized the joys of being engaged.

1.      You aren’t married yet.

2.      You get to say goodnight every evening. (For me, every evening before midnight.)

3.      You are always excited to see them and be with them.

And… last but not least!

4.      You aren’t married yet.

…wait, did I say that twice?

I’m hoping that you caught my sarcasm that I so carefully tried to hide, but these joys are, in actuality, quite awful.

1.      “You aren’t married yet.” Okay. That is true. But since the day he proposed to me I have just wanted it to be December 28^th already. Am I supposed to relish this time of being in limbo? I’m not single, but I’m not married. I’m engaged.

2.      “You get to say goodnight every evening.” No matter how romantic that sounds, it just straight up sucks. I don’t want to say goodnight. And if I have to, can’t the nights pass by faster than they do? I already have a hard enough time sleeping. Thank you very much girlish emotions and feelings and all that mushy stuff; you keep me up at night missing my fiancé.

3.      “You are always excited to see them and be with them.” Isn’t there some kind of saying that distance makes the heart grow fonder? Pretty sure that’s how it goes. Well, I agree. It’s true. But the effects of this are meant to be experienced after weeks or months of separation… not mere hours. I’d rather stop feeling so pathetic and just be married already so that I don’t have to deal with all this crap.

4.      “You aren’t married yet.” I think I’ve made my point.

So basically, the take home message of this post today folks is that I just want to be married already! Derek and I have been engaged for over three months now. I would be willing to place money on the fact that over 50% of LDS couples who tie the knot are engaged and married within three months. By the time Derek and I get hitched it will have been 5 months and 3 days… sweet.

Now, while I am complaining a lot about being engaged, I have to admit; I absolutely love it. You have to accept the good and the bad in all things. When it comes to fiancés, I’m pretty sure I have the best. But hey, I’m not denying that I am bias. 


He knows that I am extremely forgetful and doesn’t lose his patience when I have to ask things multiple times… unless I get to my fifth time asking, then I think he gets a little tired of telling me.


 He knows when to laugh at me when I do something that only an idiot would do, and he knows when to just give me a hug, kiss my forehead, and proudly take my hand. And I suspect that he has some sort of super power because he always knows when I really really want some chocolate. And only on these certain days when I really really want chocolate will he ask while we’re waiting in the check-out line at the store, “Hey Tay, you want a candy?” All I have to do is give the “Thetford Grin” and he knows I do. I select my treat of choice and he picks up the tab. What a guy.

So being engaged really isn’t that bad. It’s wonderful! There are multiple moments every day where it seems like Derek saw into my thoughts and dreams when I was a dreamy teenage girl and knows just how I’ve imagined this part of my life. He executes certain moments perfectly, creating my very own personal fairy tale.
 And other moments are not so perfectly executed because we all know I’m stubborn and rather difficult to deal with at times… well, a lot of the time. But in all of those moments, I look at him and see my very best friend. While being engaged I have come to realize one very important thing that not only applies to my situation now, but also to just about any situation you’ll ever encounter.

Being engaged is not a naturally occurring fairy tale. You have to make it one.

Catching Up

I love going home to visit my family. However, I hate returning to school and having to catch up in all my studies. The one that's killing me right now... chemistry. I HATE CATCHING UP IN CHEMISTRY. Missing two days from the whole semester (like I did) is like missing a year of your entire life. I'm ready to scream. And pull my hair out. Like this chick.

My life is awesome right now. 

Dear Grandma

Hey there pretty lady. This past weekend was full of emotion, but it was the kind of full where you have had just enough, but not too much. Your services were beautiful; though I don't have to tell you that. You were there. You saw that chapel filled with people who love and miss you; whose lives were touched by your sweet spirit; and those people who will never be the same because they knew you.  I cried. A lot. But I'm proud of myself because I made it through the whole first verse of "Families Can Be Together Forever" without crying. But then when I looked at Paige and saw her eyes filled with tears, all hope was lost. My voice got caught in my throat and drowned in my tears as I stood on that stage in the chapel. Front and center, my tears spilled down my face as I tried to sing the last verse. Devin and Courtney were standing next to me and it was a great comfort to have my sisters with me, knowing they were crying too. 

On this last Saturday we had a birthday celebration for you. Although you were probably having the best birthday party ever up there, we sure missed your sweet spirit and contagious giggle at the dinner table. The enchiladas were delightful and the mayonnaise spice cake was soooo good! However, the empty chair at the head of the table was strikingly vacant; and even though the tune and lyrics of the brief song we were singing were happy and celebratory, my heart did not reflect the same. But Grandma, I was so filled with peace this whole weekend. Hearing your siblings and my aunts and uncles speak of you with such tender words made me determined to emulate your very meek and kind spirit throughout the rest of my life.

I love you Grandma. Happy late birthday.

Love, Tay

A Legacy

I have sat here staring at this screen for the past ten minutes, waiting for my brain to tell my fingers which keys to press and in what order so as to perfectly express my thoughts and feelings tonight. While that would be ideal, it is impossible. Impossible only because my thoughts and feelings run so deep within me, that when something is so embedded in your heart and soul, the meager words of our everyday language would make these feelings seem ordinary. 

It was 8:00 am this morning when I got a text from my mom asking if I was up. My heart skipped a few beats when she then asked if she could call.

"Hello?"

"Hey Tay, how are you?"

The tone in my mom's voice proved my assumption to be correct.

"I'm good mom, how are you?"

"Oh, I'm okay. I just thought I would call to tell you that... well, to tell you that grandma died last night."

To be honest, I can't remember much of what my mom said for the next sixty seconds. My heart was pounding, my soul felt heavy, and my tears flowed freely. A sob escaped my lips as I opened them to breathe in and I quickly covered my mouth with my hand. With my eyes closed so tight, I felt as if time had stopped and I was stuck in a moment that would forever hurt my heart.

"She died around 11:00 pm last night. Dad, Morgan, and Aunt Patsy were there with her for most of the evening. Dad and Morgan left, and then Aunt Patsy. Once they were gone, she slipped away."

My grandmother's sweet soul did not want to have family near to see her struggle as she passed. 

One of the only things I could think of as I heard this news was one of my last experiences with grandma. My mom and I went to visit and chat with her one night before we ran some errands. As we were about to leave, she said to her attendant, "Aren't they beautiful?" In that simple moment, I got to see my grandmother once again. Her sweetness and love were apparent in that moment even though her physical body was putting such limits on her.

As I saw my grandma for the last time, I had tears in my eyes as I gave her a hug and whispered in her ear, "I love you Grandma, so much..." I turned, expecting to have that be my last interaction with my grandma for a while, when I heard her softly clear her throat. As I leaned down to her mouth so as to hear her tiny, soft voice, she said, "I love you too, sweet Taylor."

I squeezed her hand, kissed her forehead, and wiped the single tear running down my cheek.

My grandma is an amazing woman. Her sweet and tender spirit will always live on through all of us that knew her. I miss her already.

I'm going to miss how she would get full so quickly while eating lunch and not finish the sandwich, but then move on to the brownie sitting on the napkin next to her... and she would eat the whole thing. Quite often asking for seconds.

I'm going to miss her laugh, and how she looks like she's going to cry when she truly laughs at something.

I'm going to miss how she would get after me for always taking too much candy from the jars on her kitchen counter.

I'm going to miss her backyard that was a fruit orchard filled with the best climbing trees.

I'm going to miss the forest green shag carpet throughout her house and the fold out bed in her front room.

I'm going to miss how she always kept a tissue on the under-side of her wrist, secured there by her watch band.

I'm going to miss her teasing me about whichever boy I was dating.

I'm going to miss the big toy box and the bookshelf.

I'm going to miss rolling down the windows and yelling, "We love you grandma!" at the top of our lungs as we drove away. 

And I'm going to miss teasing her about being a party animal and sneaking out at night to go clubbing with her girl friends.

But most of all, I will miss giving her hugs. Giving her a kiss on her cheek. Holding her hand, and sitting with her and telling her everything.

Since I first saw my sister Courtney get married and how lucky she was to have grandma there with her, that is something I have so looked forward to: having grandma there with me when I marry in the temple. And while she may not physically be able to be there with me on my wedding day, I know that she will still be with me and all of those in the temple that day.

My Grandma Dixie was an amazing woman. I write in my journal every night because of her example. I have the wonderful mother, aunts, and uncle that I do because of her. I was born into a family that lives and loves the gospel because of her faith and diligence in bringing her children to church and teaching them the importance of their Savior and His gospel. 

The hope that we can receive in times like these comes from our Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ and their Plan of Salvation. It is this hope that strengthens my faith; and it is this hope that I rely on so that I may look forward to the day when I get to hug my grandma again, kiss her cheek again, hold her hand again, and tell her everything again.

I know that she is in a much better place. And I know that she will never stop loving me and encouraging me to become the woman that she knows I can be.

My Grandma Dixie left behind her a legacy; one of sweetness, charity, and a Chirst-like life. I will always love my Grandma, and I will always aspire to be the faithful, kind woman that she is.

I know that my Savior lives, and loves me. I know that when our loved ones die, it is not the end for them, but rather a beautiful beginning. 

I know that through faith and hope in my Savior, that this pain will go away and soon be replaced by happiness. 

I love you Grandma.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbsU3b2srQA

Tribute to Fathers

All around the world, men become fathers every day. The moment they hold that new born child in their arms is one they will never forget. When he becomes a proud father of a bouncing baby boy, he swells with pride and boasts of his son. But when a man becomes the father of a beautiful baby girl, something quite different happens; the father melts with love and becomes softer, more understanding, and more loving. 

As his little girl grows up, he loves her, scolds her, teaches her, and provides a safe and comfortable home and life for her. When she accidentally presses a button that puts a stop to the recording of his favorite show, he doesn't react in anger when she meekly comes to him with her confession.  Instead he pulls her close, gives her a hug, and tells her "It's okay" and that he's glad she told him, because it was "a big girl thing to do." 

When she falls and scrapes her knee because she was roller blading much too fast down the drive way, he doesn't scold her for trying to skate too fast or not wearing knee pads. Instead he smiles, laughs, and makes the situation not so dramatic as he bandages the lightly scraped knee.

On her sixteenth birthday, the father realizes she is not really his "little" girl anymore. She is in the middle of her teens, and she is going to start dating. He longs for the days when her little blonde head and blue eyes would come to him for every problem. She was old enough now where she relied on her own intellect, and stubbornly thought she knew everything. She had grown into a beautiful young lady, and he had faith that she would only continue to progress.

Seasons come and go, and fall arrives. She goes off to college and the father realizes he no longer has much of a say as to what she does with her life. All he can do is let her know he loves her and just wants what is best for her. As good and poor choices come and go, he is pained with every poor choice and lightened by each good one. His heart and mind are filled with love for her and concern for her well being. He knows he cannot intervene too much; he has to let her make mistakes, because how else will she learn?

But in the moment when he realizes that his daughter needs him more than ever, he rushes to her side without a second thought. There, ready to give her a hug and never let go, but lovingly scold her and talk some sense into her at the same time. His heart is heavy as his shoulder gets wet drop by drop. With mixed emotions of sadness at her pain but happiness at her potential happiness, he silently listens. 

Then comes the beautiful summer day when he sees his daughter's tear filled eyes. Her smiling face is beaming with happiness as she hugs him and says, "I love you Dad." The ring on her finger is new, and the young man who placed it there is someone he can admire and respect. His love for her and gratitude to the young man are overflowing within him and only showing on the outside in the form a few tears rolling down his cheek. The realization that she is about to embark on the greatest journey of her life and that her priorities will soon be placed elsewhere, he becomes somber. While the thought of not being the one she goes to first for help anymore tugs at his heart, but he knows that she will be in good hands.

Every little girl deserves to have a father who is this loving and kind. I know that I am so grateful for the wonderful father that I have. And I am also so grateful for the Heavenly Father that I have.

From the time I was young I have known without a doubt that I have a father in heaven who loves me and watches after me. When I fall and scrape my knee, he is there to help lift me up again. He gave me agency to choose so that when I am stubborn and think I know what would be best for me in my life, I can learn for myself. And in those moments where I need him most, I feel his love and comfort. 

I am so grateful for the blessing of prayer and how much comfort it can bring. God is loving and merciful; and no matter what may be burdening or ailing your mind, he will help ease the burden. His joy is full when you turn to him and obey his word. Just as my dad who I am so blessed to have, my heavenly father just wants my happiness, and wants to see me return again. Our father will never leave us.

In every condition, -- in sickness, in health,
In poverty's vale, or abounding in wealth,
At home or abroad, on the land, or the sea, --
As thy days may demand, so thy succor shall be.

 "Fear not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

"When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o`erflow;
For I will be with thee thy troubles to bless
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

 "When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply.
The flames shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

Late Night Freeway Adventures with Abbie, Taylor, and Adam

I have to start out with some memories from my childhood with my siblings. For those of you that might not know, I have three older sisters, a younger brother, and a younger sister. My family has grown due to marriages and recent births of beautiful babies! We have (from oldest to youngest):

1. Devin Angulo and her husband Denson Angulo and their three kids Alex, Jaena, and Ian.
2. Courtney Brooksby and her husband Jay Brooksby and their darling daughter Riley.
3. Abbie Carson and her husband Adam Carson and their adorable boy Jace.
4. Then there's me! 
5. Adam Thetford 
6. Morgan Thetford

...and of course, my parents. So my family now consists of sixteen members, soon to be seventeen (73 DAYS)! As we all grew up in our amazingly busy and raucous household, I shared a room with one of my siblings until I was 17 years old. The one sibling I shared a room with for the majority of my time was Abbie. She and I always got along quite well! ...mainly because she was patient and kind enough to deal with my rambunctious personality and teasing. I love to recount the story my mom has always told me how she would see Abbie running through the house with me close behind, my hand raised behind my head ready to hit my sister as soon as I caught up. 

Yes; I was a darling child. 

Through the years Abbie and I have spent many nights laughing and talking until the wee hours of the morning. The theme of these nights was always something stupid we had done together, or laughing at something stupid I had said. My main point: Abbie and I always end up doing something absolutely ridiculous when we get together. This time, however, we were oh so lucky enough to have my little brother (whom I love very much) in the car with us to make it that much more entertaining.

We were driving down the freeway Wednesday night, making our way to the airport to pick up my mom.  With our usual routine of already running behind schedule, we were antsy to get to our destination. Yet it always seems that there is always construction on the freeway. Thus being said, there was construction on the freeway that night. Just the big orange barrels along the side of the road. As we are driving, Abbie asks, "Hey,  are we supposed to go there?" I looked over to my right and saw that the road did veer to the right and there were big orange barrels lined up and down the sides of it. "I don't know... Adam, what do you think?" Well, before Adam had much time to respond Abbie had already turned to the right and was heading down the barrel-lined road. We were all silent as we realized that we had made the wrong choice; there was the faint glow of the "ROAD ENDS" sign up ahead. Laughter burst as Abbie turned the car around to get back onto the right road.

Upon going back down the barrel-lined road, we realized we had to make a very sharp turn to get back onto the freeway. At this point, none of us can stop laughing. We get back on the freeway, life is good, and we are set back another five minutes. 

Not two minutes later, the freeway does the same thing; veers off to the right with a road lined in barrels. "Hey Abbie, I think you're supposed to go that way," said Adam. I cracked up, laughing so hard my stomach hurt and we proceeded to talk about what people must have thought when they saw us driving down that road. 

"Wow, look at that idiot," was our favorite. 

While this story may not have made you laugh, it made me laugh harder than I had in a long time. I love my family; they're all amazing people! And no matter how stupid the things are that I might say or do, they still love me.

All Hope is Gone

As I was walking to school this morning I took the short cut across the grassy area of my apartment complex. When I walked into the shadow of one of the buildings, something crunched under my feet. First thoughts: maybe a very small mammal or very large bug. But when I looked down to see what had crunched beneath my bright pink Levi shoes, I saw something that made my heart drop:  frozen grass. Really? Already?! There is already frost in all the places that the sun doesn't reach in the mornings. 

From here on out, there is no hope to ever be warm again until I go home to Washington. Welp, here we go folks!

Friends

This post is kind of a shout out to all of my wonderful girl-friends.  One such friend, Sarah, is someone I adore and have loved getting to talk to a lot lately! We have known each other since we were around 12 or 13, but didn't become really close friends until a couple years later. Since then we were practically inseparable. From spending every minute together at church, mutual, and stake dances, to EFY and sleepovers Sarah and I have been best friends. When she went away to school, I was in my senior year of high school and we didn't get to talk as often because we were both busy. From there, we got to hang out a little once I got to BYU in Provo, UT. And then she left to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. When she returned home  it took us around a month to get back in touch with each other, and since then it has been so much fun to finally get caught up in each other's lives and start rebuilding our friendship. We've always been friends, despite how long it had been since we talked last. But it's so fun to talk with her again!

Last night she called me and we talked about our days and how things were going, and we started talking about marriage. Our conversation naturally drifts to love lives considering we are girls, but since I'm getting married in 79 days we find ourselves often talking about marriage. Anyways, we started talking about how much fun it is to be in love with somebody who is your best friend. Who knows how to make you laugh even though you might be a little upset and want to be angry. How being with somebody who knows you better than most other people, and while they may frustrate you sometimes, you wouldn't want to be without them. And we basically went on to continue talking about mushy, romantic stuff. You know, girl talk. 

When I think about the wonderful friends that I have in my life, I am so blessed! My family, for one, is amazing. I love my siblings and parents and don't know what I would do without their love and support. Then I have wonderful friends such as Shelly, Katelyn, Tasha, and Rachel who have been with me since Kindergarten. These girls have never let me down. Tessa, who is the most darling girl and who I have so much fun with, is a blessing. She is always uplifting and has such a positive outlook. I love her! There are plenty of others who have blessed my life and you all know who you are. The words from one of my favorite hymns comes to mind:

What greater gift dost thou bestow,

What greater goodness can we know

Than Christ-like friends, whose gentle ways

Strengthen our faith, enrich our days.

Blustery

To be honest, today has been a difficult day for me. When thinking about the past fourteen hours, blustery was one of the only words I could come up with to describe the day. ...well, at least it was one of the only appropriate ones. It isn't like I have had the worst day of my life. And it's not like I experienced a life changing emotional tragedy. Today has just been... how should I say this? Here, I have an idea.

I have never been one to let things in life bother me too much. My personality has always been one that goes with the flow, and if something upsetting happens I let myself be upset about for a little and then move on. I've always been able to just let things roll off my shoulders and be happy once again. But today... I don't know what was going on, but everything just seemed awful. When I was a kid my family had the video "Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day."  I loved this video (among many, many others) and would watch it quite often. It was about a rainy, windy day that sent the poor bear on a horrible adventure. A big storm comes and washes him away.  But, luckily enough he has friends that cared about him enough to go out and find him.

Okay... maybe that was really cheesy. No, it was really cheesy but I don't care all too much. I have been a grump lately and I know it and readily admit it. I don't know why! Maybe the rose colored glasses are gone and have been replaced with poop-brown ones that I just can't seem to take off. Hopefully it's only a temporary replacement. The person that gets it the worst though is Derek. He has to deal with all my grumpiness, and yet he still loves me at the end of the day.

So while today was blustery in just about every aspect I'm sure a huge storm would have broken out had it not been for Derek and his patience with me. How does he do it? I'll never know.

And What Part of "Off Limits" Do You NOT Understand???

It's the first day of chemistry and our professor asks us to stand up, introduce ourselves, our hometown, our major, and one interesting thing that happened to us over the break. When it came my turn to do this for the third time that day, I said, "Hi! I'm Taylor Thetford and I am from Puyallup, WA... it's near Seattle. My major is Exercise Physiology, and I got engaged over the break!" "Oh fun! When are you getting married?" Brother Rawlinson asked. "December," I replied. He then asked what day, and I replied that we were getting married on the 28th. My point is... we discussed the fact that I was engaged to be married. We thoroughly discussed that I'M ENGAGED.

Skip forward one week as my chemistry class is walking out of the lab. A young man approaches me as I'm making my way down the stairs in the Romney and asks, "Are you the engaged one?" "Yes," I replied. "Well I can see why!" he said.  "...thanks?" I replied, a little uncomfortable with the remark but figured he was just being nice and took it as a compliment. I told Derek about it. "Tay, he was flirting with you." I tried to deny it, but deep down I knew it was true.

Okay, now skip to today. During class, my friend Rebekah leans over and shows me her phone. It's a text message from the third member of our lab group. It says, "This guy that's sitting next to me will not stop talking about your engaged friend. He's going to go up and ask her how serious it is."  ...Um, excuse me? Did I read that right? He's going to come up to me, an engaged and completely committed girl, how serious my engagement is?

WHO DOES THAT?!  I mean, come on! What part of "I'm engaged and thus completely in love with fiance." Saying yes to marrying somebody isn't just "Oh sure, let's give it a shot!" You're committing your life and the rest of FOREVER to spend with them. 

FOREVER... FORREEVVVEERRRR!!!!

And he wants to know how serious it is. This is one instance when I will not hold back Derek from giving this guy a good "punch to the face, or a pile drive to the face" if he ever asks me that.


And now just something light hearted and somewhat related to my post. 

3 Months, 3 Days

Two months ago today, Derek proposed to me in my backyard. It was the perfect day, I was wearing one of my favorite dresses, and he looked as handsome as ever. I love that when I said yes and he put the ring on my finger he picked me up and spun me around like in the movies. The ring is beautiful, the weather was perfect, and the thoughtfulness of him proposing to me in my backyard was overwhelming. 

I have always wanted to have my wedding reception in the backyard. However, we're getting married in December and it's obviously not an option. He figured since I couldn't have my reception in my backyard, that he would propose to me in the backyard. So cute!
This morning as I woke up and realized what day it was a smile spread cross my face. However, my day did not turn out too well... sad, huh? None of my roommates were home and Derek was busy, so I just sat on my couch read my book and studied chemistry. Then I got ready to go to the General Relief Society Broadcast. In trying to figure out what I was going to wear, I took about half of my wardrobe off the hangers, tried them on, and then threw them on the ground. Needless to say, when I finally decided on an outfit, my room was a mess. I was grumpy because I hadn't seen Derek all day, my mind was tired of focusing on school, and I just wanted to go home to Washington.

Derek came and picked me up at 5:35 to take me to the church building where I was meeting Abbie. Once I got in the car I felt a little better. Just seeing him takes away a lot of the grumpy-ness. I got to the church building and sat down between Abbie and her friend Michelle. Being in the chapel full of women who were all waiting to hear the words of the prophet helped uplift my spirits.

The messages of the broadcast were wonderful; Sister Beck and her counselors are inspired women of the Lord and their words are always powerful and uplifting. But my favorite speaker of the night was the prophet. When President Monson got up to speak, he had a smile on his face and throughout his talk he made us laugh, smile, and cry. While sitting there listening to this wonderful broadcast, my thoughts were directed toward how lucky I was to have a fiance who loves the gospel and loves me.
We're getting married in 3 months and 3 days. Two months ago, two months seemed like forever away. But now here I am two months later and it has felt like it's only been a few weeks. I have a feeling the next 3 months and 3 days will fly by... at least I'm hoping so!

Is That Necessary?

I'm walking down the hallway on my way to chemistry class and a young man whizzes by me on my left. As he goes to round the corner, he slams his hand against the wall before he turns. Almost like he needs to push himself  off the wall to muster up the motivation to turn himself so he doesn't run straight into the wall. It just so happened that he was walking to the classroom right next to mine, so I saw him do that very same thing on the next three corners. ...Is that necessary?

Then as I sit down in my chemistry class I look across the aisle and the young man on the end of the row has his feet out in the aisle... and he's not wearing shoes. He had stocking feet. The white socks with the gray toe and heel. No shoe on the feet. Maybe I'm having a Seinfeld moment, but that really irked me. Who takes off their shoes in a college class? Do you have claustrophobic feet?

IS IT REALLY NECESSARY?

I Love My Ankle

Today has been... well, a day. 

A day full of volleyball, re-sprained ankles, hobbling to class, embarrassing myself in chemistry class, and Pickett's Bambino. But lets start the story at the beginning.

It was the year 1999... 

and I at the spry age of 9 was at my house on a typical Friday afternoon. My parents were readying themselves to leave for their weekly date that night, and the baby sitter was on her way over. She arrived and my parents left. We all sat around, talked, and watched a little TV. Then it was time to go outside and play. The toy of choice: the trampoline. As we jumped and jumped and jumped and jumped jumped jumped, we decided that the kids would sit and the baby sitter would jump up and land so that we would go flying into the air! Sounds awesome, right?! 

Well, she jumped. She came back down. We went flying. And I landed on my right foot while it was bent sideways. The result: a sprained right ankle. I distinctly remember trying to walk inside and upon trying I fell down and crawled to the house. I quickly got placed on the couch with an ice pack on my ankle and big bowl of ice cream. All was well. 

Back to 2010.

The ball was served. My teammate received it, the setter tried to set a 4, but realized quickly that it was far too tight on the net. By the time she yelled, "tight!" It was too late. I had already taken my approach and swung at the ball but got thrown off by the placement of it. When I landed, my foot once again was bent sideways when I landed, causing my to fall on my butt and once again, roll my ankle. I didn't think much of it at first, but as the day went on it got worse. 

I went to chemistry class and volunteered to do a problem on the board. It was a simple density problem, and I got it right. However, upon trying to erase the board, the eraser slipped from my grip, flipped against the chalkboard, and came back and hit me. My face, shirt, and neck were covered in chalk powder. Great.

After class, I went over to Derek's apartment to eat and then go right back on campus for his class. Then, I had my dress fitting. So after Derek's class we tried to hurry home, but my ankle slowed me down and it was starting to hurt like none other, so Derek ran and got the car and picked me up so we could make it to my dress fitting. At the fitting, we were measuring for the hem. So I had to bring my heels. Hooray for standing/walking in 5 inch heels with a sprained ankle. 

Afterward, we went back to Derek's apartment and I iced my ankle as I did some homework. Then came the best part of the whole day: we went to Pickett's Bambino. It's this little shop that has these scones that are stuffed with pizza! Cheese, sauce, pepperoni, canadian bacon, pineapple, olives, mushrooms, green peppers, anything you can imagine! They were DELICIOUS. 

So today was... well, it was a day.

A Trial of Faith

The persistent winds of Rexburg were at my back as I walked down the hill, assisting me in making my way quickly. With each step I watched as my worn black high tops landed on the sidewalk. I could feel the impact of each step and the way my backpack would shift on my back. I could feel the wind, smell the rain, hear Claude Debussy's classic Claire De Lune, and taste the piece of Raspberry Lemon-Dew gum that I was chewing. At that moment I appreciated all of these things more than I had any other day. 

My mood was melancholy and my heart reflective. I was engaged to my best friend and I had family close by me; I should have been happy. Yet, in the past six weeks I have come to make many realizations. 

First. 

The adversary will do all that he can to take away any chance at eternal happiness you may have. It was not even two weeks after I got engaged that trials and burdens were quickly dropped on my lap. I had recently made the choice to marry a man worthy to take me to the temple so that we could be sealed for eternity. We were preparing ourselves to take the next important step on our journey toward eternal life. That is something that the adversary does not want for us since he does not get that same opportunity; and he will do everything in his power to stop you. I have known that all my life; but never had I truly understood it with my heart and mind until I experienced it. 

Second.

 Life is precious. Within the last two weeks two people have passed away. One was a close friend from high school. A dear, sweet girl that I played tennis, swam on the swim team, and sang in choir with decided that it was her time to go; that the Lord needed her more there than He did here. The other was the older brother of one of my very close friends from high school. He was driving on Sunday evening and his small sedan was hit head-on by a drunk driver in an F350.  Tragic accidents happen every day around the world; but it never seems real until it happens to someone close to you. My heart grieved for these people and their families; but there was something unique about these two that really pulled at my heart: they were both engaged to be married when they passed. At any previous stage in my life, this would merely have made me sad. But considering my current situation, my heart was broken for these people. The thought of losing the one person you chose to be with forever before you even have a chance... it makes me feel completely empty. 

Third. 

Be grateful and show it. Don't let anyone in your life go without knowing how grateful you are for them and what they do. Don't forget to express thanks to the Lord for each day of your life and all that you've been blessed with. With the world that we live in being in such a state of confusion and unrest, I have decided to be grateful for each little thing that I have.

With these past six weeks and the trials and burdens they have brought with them seeming almost too much to handle I have been exhausted; physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. But I have also seen some of the biggest blessings come into my life. The biggest of them all being my best friend and fiancé Derek. May seem cheesy, but it's true.
To think that my friends that recently passed left behind fiancé/fiancées of their own makes me all the more grateful to be where I am, in the situation I am, and with the person that I am. 

So as I walked to class with my tired black converse, the wind blowing my hair in my face, and my music playing probably a little too loud, I was grateful. Grateful that I was there and could feel the wind, smell the rain, and hear music. Grateful that I was making my way to meet Derek after his class. 

At that moment, I appreciated all of these things more than I had any other day. 

Just a Fly By Kinda Time

I am back in Rexburg. Very happy to be so, but this past "summer" break felt like it lasted three days, twelve hours, and 27 minutes... but that's just an approximation. It just flew by. I went from being single, to being engaged, to Lake Roosevelt in Eastern Washington, to Collierville, TN. In between I was at work, spending time with Derek and his family, or hanging out with my family.  Life flew by, wedding plans are in the making, and I am excited for this new semester of school. My little brother is here, my sister and her husband and their adorable baby boy are here, my best friend is here, and my best friend/fiance is here as well. 

How could things get any better? 

As I sit on this air mattress in the second bedroom of my sister's apartment I'm trying to remember how it felt to be leaving Rexburg. And then I reflected on how much my life changed once I got engaged. It's like my life is on hold because nothing as amazing as getting married could possibly happen between now and December 28. So my current mission: stay focused on school and wedding plans to try and make these next 3 months and 23 days a fly by kinda time.

Here are a few select pictures from my fun times this summer:

None of use are looking at the camera... besides Jace. This photo also happens to be the only group shot where Jace is looking at the camera. Love it.

My brother-in-law, Adam, took some fun shots of Derek and I.

This is a shot from a night that my family, Derek, and I spent out on the Puget Sound.

Me holding my beautiful niece Riley.

Headaches

I never thought it would be this difficult planning a wedding. But I have to say, it has been rather difficult so far and I'm just about ready to throw in the towel.  Not really though because, secretly, it's still fun. The kind of fun that gives you a headache and makes you tired... fun.

But even amidst all of this I am still excited about and grateful for being able to be married in the temple. It is so wonderful to have a fiance who I know is worthy to take me to the temple so we can be together forever. And there in the temple, all of these colors and flowers and food and dresses won't really matter. It will just be me and him, our families, and close friends enjoying that special and sacred moment together. 

Well Folks... It Happened!

Once upon a time there was a boy and a girl...

  

For me, it was just a normal Sunday afternoon. I had woken up early to go to my family's ward and came home to relax and take a nap...or so I thought. So when the doorbell rang, my father opened the door, and then I saw Derek holding a Frisbee... I was confused.  

"Hey Tay! You wanna play frisbee?"
"No, I wanna play the piano."

"Come on Tay, let's just go out in the yard and throw it around."

"Derek....."
"Hey, I'll throw it right to you. I promise."

"Okay, fine."

So as we go out the back door to throw the frisbee around I grabbed a slice of watermelon from the counter and was eating it as we went outside. You can tell I was really excited to play frisbee.I walk straight out the back doors and turn around. Derek says, "Okay! Here ya go Tay!" As he throws the frisbee, his arm does not extend towards me. It goes to his left, and the frisbee flies to the other side of the yard by the old goat pen. A good distance away from me. "Derek! What was that for?! Yeah, right to me huh?" I yelled at him as I started to cross the yard. 

I was about 10 feet from the frisbee when Derek came up next to me and said, "Hey Tay, stop. Look." He pointed at something that was behind me. I turned around only to see a huge wooden board that said, "Marry Me". There were roses all around with rose petals everywhere. At that moment I turned back around and saw Derek down on one knee holding a ring in his right hand. My piece of watermelon dropped to the ground as he started in on a speech that took my breath away. I was speechless. 

"Taylor, will you marry me?" As soon as those words came out of his mouth I enveloped him in a hug. My heart was pounding and I could feel his as it was pounding just as hard if not more than mine. I pulled out of the hug, and unable to say anything I just nodded my head. He put the ring on my finger and a grin spread across my face as he scooped me up and spun me around. 

We hugged and laughed, and when  I walked into my house I ran to my mom and gave her a hug. That's when the tears came. I wasn't sobbing, they were just little tears. My whole family knew about this before and I was clueless. He did a wonderful job in making it a surprise.

Even as I sit here now writing this story out three days later, it still doesn't feel real. The ring on my finger and even my changed relationship status on facebook hasn't quite convinced me.  I'm too happy, he's too wonderful, and this story is too much like a fairytale. 

But it's real... and I can't wait for the happily ever after.

A New Favorite

As I browsed Deseret Book a week ago, I stumbled across this book on the "Bargain Buy" shelf. I picked it up, read the summary and wasn't too intrigued until I saw that it was only going to be $4. "Sweet," I thought to myself, "I've been looking for a new book to read."

Upon starting the book, it seemed like it wasn't going to be a page turner but I never give up on a book unless I'm half way to three-quarters done. And if I'm not hooked then... I figure it's a hopeless cause. However, once I got about 90 pages into the book the plot got interesting and the characters started to come alive.

The story then unfolds and reveals a fun and entertaining fairytale that is suitable for anyone at any age. Although I have to say, I think that this is more of a female book than a male... just sayin. But I loved it! With exciting events, an honest and virtuous heroine, and a handsome, sweet, and loving khan, this book will make you wish you lived through those thousand days.

I would recommend this book to any girl who is looking for a fun (and easy) read with a book that will leave you feeling happy and uplifted.

I Can't Wait

I cannot wait until I am done living in single student housing at school. Especially since I live with girls. Man alive, they can be so ridiculous! Just today I was sitting on the couch doing my homework, and two of my roommates were sitting at the table talking poorly about one of my other roommates all because of something that is so small and not really that important. I told them that they shouldn't be so upset and just go talk to her about it. That the only mature and responsible way to respond to the situation was to just talk about it to her. They gave me dirty looks, but whatever. 

I understand that there will be conflicts between roommates, and that not everyone is going to get a long. Trust me, I do. Everyone was raised differently, by different parents, in a different home, in different towns. But if we have any hope of getting along in the world as a mature and responsible adult, then we need to learn how to deal with and at least live peaceably with people of all different shape, size, personality, and upbringing. 

So come on people, let's just get along!

They Say Timing is Everything

*To get the full effect of this post, I would suggest that you scroll all the way to the bottom of the page and click on the song "You Got Me" by Colbie Caillat. It's number 2.*

There are certain people in your life; people that mean more to you than you may realize at that time.  Some of them are your best friends and then fade to just old acquaintances.  Some start as your enemies and then become the one person you can truly confide in. And with others ... they are that one person that makes your heart forget its purpose as the sole life-giving organ, and have it doing flips and turns all over the place.

As high school sweethearts you flirt and, as a teenage girl, talk your friends' ears off about him. But, as almost all high school relationships do (except for my parents, but that's a story straight from a Hollywood film, lucky folks), something goes wrong.  A new boy comes to school who just so happens to have a nice caboose, your friend hears a rumor about the boy you're dating and you end it, or things just slowly fade. The exciting feelings of twitterpation dissipate into feelings of mere friendship.

Lives go on, and so does time. Relationships come and go and more and more people come into your life. Some with meaning, some without; some with meaning for a just short slice of time. With the passing of time you and some of your past flames may be reunited; some with the right timing, but for most, it is without. Heartbreak, chocolate, and some good Adam Sandler movies help you move on. You go on dates that might not end well, you find new interests that don't work out... and some relationships end after years of effort.

Then there is that one person who seems to come into your life at exactly the wrong time. Reluctantly, you accept their invitation for a first date. First impression? He's just a nice guy, a little goofy, but a nice guy all in all. But on that date, you discover a friend. A friend you trust and can be yourself with from the beginning.  You aren't convinced that there is anything between the two of you... but, he's persistent. And funny, and cute, and quickly becoming your best friend. Then there's that moment. Where you act without conscious thinking, and you can practically see the words, "Yes, I'll be your girlfriend" as they come out of your mouth. It's like somebody pressed the print button and it was only your rough draft. You go to English class, and surprisingly you received an A+. Now, that was a long metaphor, but I'm hoping you get what I'm trying to say.

You say things and do things without knowing why;  you act upon unconscious motivations. But for some reason it feels right.  Events unfold, and things have turned out beautifully. That one person who seemed to come at exactly the wrong moment turned out to be the one person who came at just the right time.

For me and my story, well... I just told it. He is that one person who makes my heart forget its purpose as the sole life-giving organ and do flips just at the sight of him.

He came at what seemed to me to be exactly the wrong time.  But you know what they say, timing is everything.

Well, I Suppose So

Is it really 3:38 AM?  Yes.


Do I really have a 7:45 AM volleyball class tomorrow morning?  Yes.

And is that really only four hours and seven minutes away?  Yes. (It'll be embarrassing if I did that math wrong.)

And... I'm still awake?  Yes.

At 3:39 AM?  Yes, you are still awake. And it is now 3:39.

This is what has been going through my head for the last three hours and forty minutes (it's 3:40 now...)  that I've been in bed trying to go to sleep, but with different times and times intervals until I have to be in class tomorrow morning. I'm so frustrated. But that's life.

Should I just give up on sleep and get some things done that I need to do?  Maybe... probably not.

Should I be in bed trying to sleep?  Well, I suppose so....

Kellie and Jon's Visit!

It was a beautiful day at Graham Elementary School.  My third grade class met out in one of the portables and I loved my teacher Miss Sweet. We had a new girl in class that day. I decided since no one had talked to her that I would go over and get to know her while helping her color the worksheet we had in class that day. However, I was rudely interrupted by a tap on my shoulder, "Taylor, you need to let Kellie do her own work." And that was when we met.

That day was the start of a fun friendship that took us to challenge from 4-6th grade, playing in band together from 8-12th grade, and many fun and funny adventures.  Like a lot of friendships, they weaken a little once you go your separate ways, but I got the opportunity to catch up with my friend! Kellie and her boyfriend Jon decided to take a road trip and visit Rexburg, ID! Kellie stayed with me and Jon stayed with Ryan. We explored some of the most entertaining things Rexburg has to offer. A walk on campus, Rigby Lake, Big Jud's, and the Dunes. It was a fun weekend... well, at least I know I had fun!

Kellie and Jon... the sun was a little bright.

Me and Ryan. Apparently he just loves taking pictures with me.

It took us about four tries to get a picture where no one's head was cut off or face was hidden. Hooray for friends.

I love my best friend.... haha, oh Ryan.

We saw this couple at Big Jud's...man alive, they were amazing!

Derek eating the third quarter of the Big Jud Special. I only ate one quarter... he ate the rest and was sooo full.

Ryan only managed to eat half. But I could only eat 1/4. So don't feel too bad Ryan, you're still more of a man than I am.

This basically explains how we all felt after we were done eating.

Derek and I. He's still working on that last piece of hamburger... what a man, haha.

What was left of our Big Jud Special! Good job Derek.

After visiting Big Jud's, we all wanted to go back to the apartments and take naps. So we did! While we were driving home, it started to storm, and when Derek and I got back to my apartment, it was raining really hard. So he took a picture of the rain hitting a big puddle out in the parking lot. Pretty cool.

Derek and I at the dunes. It was so pretty that night!

I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm kinda cute... :)

Kellie wielding her trident.

It was so pretty that night, and we had a wonderful time. I love my friends and I love my life!!!