Another Phase of Life

So I am here, once again. Normally if I disappear for a long time and resurface, it could only mean a couple of things: I am really bored; I have done something extraordinarily different that I would have never done under normal circumstances; I am really depressed, sad, or feeling negative.

This time, it's more likely the last one.

I am not exactly sad or feeling negative. Nor am I depressed. I am probably just a little of all these three.

I am now in New York City. I reached here roughly 8 hours ago. And I am here by myself.

I am feeling negative because I miss my friend a lot. A hell lot. And I won't be back in Hong Kong until January.

I am feeling depressed because New York City is such a fun place to be in but I do not have the luxury of luxury to be fully enjoying myself, due to financial reasons.

I am feeling sad because I am also considering about the possibility of a career in USA but for that to be possible, I have to continue my studies here and for that to be possible, I have to give up something which currently means the world to me.

I am also feeling negative because I am nervous about going to Illinois State University. I worry about my courses, my roommate, my life there. What if my exchange program does not materialize just as I imagined it to be? Was I being too optimistic?

Too negative.

Perhaps, I am just too tired from the flight. Roughly 25 hours. And I didn't really sleep well. Perhaps, less than 8 hours? (I watched at least 4 movies so that must have left me not much time for rest) So maybe after I finish registering for my courses in the second semester of HKU, I will sleep, and tomorrow will be better.

And I miss you, a lot.

Just Getting It Out Of Me

I have just finished my dinner. It was a big feast; big feasts were done days ago and I really have had enough of those. It was a simple dinner, with simple dishes. No meat, just vegetable and sardine fish. Simple. Simplicity. Just what I need.

Just a few days more, I will be heading back to Hong Kong. I will once again face the hectic lifestyle that has now become way too familiar. Yet undeniably dreadful. Sure, I have someone I love there so there is always a longing to that place. But the rest of the things which come with it, the rest of the package, the food, work, people, lifestyle, busyness... It suddenly dawned on me that I am not exactly fond of them. I do not dislike them because disliking them means I would not want to face them. I can still face them, I just...am not fond of them.

I just have a lot of thoughts in my head which I, like always, fail to convey into words.

I am going to miss the warmth in Malaysia, in my home. The day may be scorching hot but I always know that the night will much more accommodating.

I am going to miss the noise which my neighbourhood makes. The sound of children crying out loud, teenagers making ruckus, aunties gossiping. The livelihood of a neighbourhood. Something which Hong Kong does not really have. It is this neighbourhood which makes a house feels like home. I used to be able to sense that in Hong Kong but I am losing that sense, hence Hong Kong does not feel much like home right now.

I am going to miss my family too.

Oh and I miss becoming other people's driver.

With that said, (I can't believe I'm going to say this) I am looking forward to heading back to the city of opportunities. I can't wait to get my degree finished and over with. I can't wait to step into the working world. Because I know that phase of life is when I really shape my life. And I want to have my life shaped and materialized. So I can't wait to be back.

PS. My writing still sucks.

What happened to basic human rights? What about human compassion?

The recent news about the brutally abused domestic helper from Indonesia is really shocking to me. It is not the first incident whereby maids are being treated poorly by their employers, as though they do not worth a shit, but come on, this is being allowed to go on for way too long!

To the employers, why are the lives and well-being of the domestic helpers any different from those of your own children?! Is it because they are from another developing country? Is it because they look different from you? Is it because of the nature of their job, which is seemingly less glorious than yours? Or is it merely because of their job title?

Domestic helpers are also human-beings. Just like anyone else, they deserve the same treatment from their employers. All this news about mistreating domestic helpers only goes to show how lowly inhumane the Hong Kong population is.

*edit*

Well, I do realize that that is an over-generalization and an exaggeration. Most of the people here are nice. Only a fraction of them are imbeciles, and imbeciles exist everywhere. The most important thing is to really give these imbeciles a lesson. Perhaps, give them a taste of their own treatment?

Just another semester.

I think my latest blog post was in September. How time flies. I always say this phrase with a hint of remorse because I always do not think that I have utilized my time wisely. However, I never change.

So the first semester of my second year of university has ended. What have I learned? I can't tell. It may be due to my lack of interest in the stuff which I am studying, or it could be just my own problem, but I tend to not remember all the crap which I have studied, even when I have studied hard. I wonder if there is a worm inside my brain slowly eating away all my wisdom.

I have been feeling uncertain lately. I want to apply the student exchange program and I want to go to places like Spain, Argentina, Venezuela, or other exotic countries. I want to try something new. However, I always end up pondering upon the same problem - finances. It's not gonna be cheap, even my parents say so. Finance has not been good in the family. My brother is starting college soon. The costs of living are steadily increasing both in Malaysia and in Hong Kong. There is no room for me to even spend slightly more lavishly over here, let alone traveling to Venezuela to study.

Such a bummer.

I don't really know what I can do right now, other than working out a budget. I will never know whether I can afford an exchange program unless if I work out my budget. At the same time, I am greatly demotivated because I know most probably I will not be able to afford it. Even if I could, I will have to live on a tight budget, which kills the joy of an exchange program - who does not want to have the liberty to spend and play and enjoy life when going for an exchange!

But what the hell.

Now now, I need to really do something which will lift myself up. Physically and emotionally. I am working in a job which I do not really like (come on, I really don't have any talent at web-designing, can't you tell?), I have to endure this cold weather, and I have nothing else to talk about.

I guess I shall make something to talk about.

Happy Birthday Mommy!

Just a quick update before I go to tutorial in a short while.

I haven't had an outlet to let my feelings out so I guess I will do it here.

Yesterday was my beloved mother's birthday. And once again, I could not spend it by her side. In fact, it has been two years in a row that both her sons could not celebrate her birthday with her. It was very sad for me because I would really want to be by her side. Especially after coming here, I know how to appreciate my family much more. (Here as in Hong Kong)

But I sent her a sms early in the morning. Her reply almost made me cry. “谢谢 你们健康快乐平安 我就好了” Her wishes are so simple. Just for us to be happy. And yet, I've been under some degree of stress level ever since I got here. I feel like I have disappointed my mother because I couldn't be happy and her message really awakened me. I am pretty sure that I will get overwhelmed by the stress all over again soon. But I shall look at her messages once in a while, and remember that she will always support me!

Later that night, we skyped. And she looked so happy eating a tiramisu cake. I was so so happy to see her happy. She was smiling nonstop and there is nothing else that I want more in this world other than that. Then, she sent me another sms “你们各奔东西。。。。。。要多保重啊！” I am so touched and speechless.

I love you, mother.