Just another semester.

I think my latest blog post was in September. How time flies. I always say this phrase with a hint of remorse because I always do not think that I have utilized my time wisely. However, I never change.

So the first semester of my second year of university has ended. What have I learned? I can't tell. It may be due to my lack of interest in the stuff which I am studying, or it could be just my own problem, but I tend to not remember all the crap which I have studied, even when I have studied hard. I wonder if there is a worm inside my brain slowly eating away all my wisdom.

I have been feeling uncertain lately. I want to apply the student exchange program and I want to go to places like Spain, Argentina, Venezuela, or other exotic countries. I want to try something new. However, I always end up pondering upon the same problem - finances. It's not gonna be cheap, even my parents say so. Finance has not been good in the family. My brother is starting college soon. The costs of living are steadily increasing both in Malaysia and in Hong Kong. There is no room for me to even spend slightly more lavishly over here, let alone traveling to Venezuela to study.

Such a bummer.

I don't really know what I can do right now, other than working out a budget. I will never know whether I can afford an exchange program unless if I work out my budget. At the same time, I am greatly demotivated because I know most probably I will not be able to afford it. Even if I could, I will have to live on a tight budget, which kills the joy of an exchange program - who does not want to have the liberty to spend and play and enjoy life when going for an exchange!

But what the hell.

Now now, I need to really do something which will lift myself up. Physically and emotionally. I am working in a job which I do not really like (come on, I really don't have any talent at web-designing, can't you tell?), I have to endure this cold weather, and I have nothing else to talk about.

I guess I shall make something to talk about.

Happy Birthday Mommy!

Just a quick update before I go to tutorial in a short while.

I haven't had an outlet to let my feelings out so I guess I will do it here.

Yesterday was my beloved mother's birthday. And once again, I could not spend it by her side. In fact, it has been two years in a row that both her sons could not celebrate her birthday with her. It was very sad for me because I would really want to be by her side. Especially after coming here, I know how to appreciate my family much more. (Here as in Hong Kong)

But I sent her a sms early in the morning. Her reply almost made me cry. “谢谢 你们健康快乐平安 我就好了” Her wishes are so simple. Just for us to be happy. And yet, I've been under some degree of stress level ever since I got here. I feel like I have disappointed my mother because I couldn't be happy and her message really awakened me. I am pretty sure that I will get overwhelmed by the stress all over again soon. But I shall look at her messages once in a while, and remember that she will always support me!

Later that night, we skyped. And she looked so happy eating a tiramisu cake. I was so so happy to see her happy. She was smiling nonstop and there is nothing else that I want more in this world other than that. Then, she sent me another sms “你们各奔东西。。。。。。要多保重啊！” I am so touched and speechless.

I love you, mother.

Catching Fire & Mockingjay.

Two sequels to The Hunger Games. I've finally finished reading them! It took longer than I have anticipated. Probably it was because I was not familiar with both these two plots.

Catching Fire is significantly duller than the first book. Suzanne Collins spends too many pages describing unimportant details at the beginning of the book. This is compensated with many elements of surprise towards the end, which, to me, really redeems the initial boredom of the book. 

Mockingjay is the part where, obviously, all the big pictures are revealed. I have noticed that some tiny details were left unexplained, either intentionally or not, and these unnoticed details bug me. I couldn't help but sense that there is a rush to finish the book, as if the plots and the turnings of events are not thought through. And, I especially dislike the conclusion to the "major event". Quite a lackluster. Although I appreciate how Collins does not make the main character too invincible, she appears to be too vulnerable! Too volatile, even. And, the book is shockingly too dark to my tasting. I definitely wasn't expecting the last book to be so...twisted. I actually felt slightly gloomy right after I ended the last page.

Well, hopefully when these two books are shot into movies, the writers are allowed to improve the plot.

One Lump Sum. Till June 27th.

Though my life is pretty interesting as it is, I need something else to spice up my life.

Anyway, for the past few days...

• I sorta of finished a series called Brothers and Sisters. It's a drama about family and family values and all other matters related to this family. It is probably a typical American family which I definitely never have. But I very much envy the kind of relationship these characters have with each other. Granted, this is a fictional drama and absolutely nothing portrayed by this drama would remotely represent the real kinds of families in America, but one can dream? Though it is a noisy, constantly bickering family, nevertheless, they communicate, they interact, and they talk, which is more than enough for what I can say for some families.
• Watched This Means War. Well I tried a couple of other movies before this, such as Zero Dark Thirty and something else. But I could not withstand the seriousness in those movies and I needed something to humor me. The brotherly romance between Tom Hardy and Chris Pine is, in my opinion, a highlight in TMW. And I definitely appreciate the British accent, given how I am trying to pick up on, and am failing miserably.
• I finished The Hunger Games, the book, in one night! It took me roughly 6 to 7 hours and I had to read until the wee hours in the morning but alas, I am done! It is so good! It's either due to the fact that I kept picturing Jennifer Lawrence and that dude (Peeta) when I read or, I've known the story line and I found it interesting enough to keep me reading. But I plan on continuing with the rest of the series!

June 24th

I am no longer homeless in Hong Kong!

I GOT INTO MORRISON HALL!

I am so happy to receive this email! I have been worried for quite a while but LUCKY ME!

Quick catch up.

Basically I think there is nothing to catch up on.

June 19th
It's the second day when I have this weird pain in my lower abdomen. I was counting on it to fade away slowly. And indeed, it was fading away very slowly. It had been affecting my mood!

June 20th
The pain was still there. It was slightly more excruciating. Damn it.

June 21th
Caught up with some college friends. Watched World War Z. First scary film in the cinema! It was rather thrilling! And I got to meet Yeang Ching and Hui Cing and Ceng Yew and Ivan (though I met him just few weeks ago!) and Gwyneth! So happy!
But the pain still bothered me!

June 18th.

A day where I felt extremely agitated for no apparent reason. It's probably due to the heat. :(

June 17th.

• I am finally no longer a P driver! I can finally remove the P sticker!
• Slept in today, wishing there is someone to kiss me morning. Getting quite sentimental nowadays. *shrugs*
• Salad-making session with dad!
• Today is such a hot day! I am literally in heat right now.
• Someone please OFFER me a job!

June 16th.

Father's Day! ¡Día de padre!

• Dim sum break fast! Dim sum here is so much cheaper than Hong Kong!
• Grocery shopping with parents!
• Saw Kim at her workplace. She looks so cute with her new hair!
• Simple, lovely dinner!
• Helped mom made muffins!
• Finally I finished Les Miserables! Not exactly fond of it. Not my type of show, perhaps. But some of the songs are really good! But please, no more Russell Crowe in a musical! It was just so awkward!

Hope everyone had a nice day!

June 15th.

I...don't remember what happened. Probably nothing essential happened. How pathetic.

June 14th.

• I got my real driving license! In one or two days time, I can peel that P sign off the car!
• I am so addicted to tower defense game! It's so good!
• No luck getting a job still. Too short a time, perhaps?
• The ship has probably sailed, and I probably have missed my chance. But I have to be certain.

June 13rd.

I don't think I have much to note down today.

• Got two phone calls regarding some potential jobs. Both turned out to be fruitless. Anyway, I always wanted to get a foreign English accent, hence I have been submerging myself in a sea of British and America dramas. I figure, listening to proper English speaking often enough would influence me. I don't think it proved successful so far, but I hope it works at least at the smallest scale possible.
• Gonna work harder on my swimming skills.
• Need to do more readings and less computer and less sleep too!

June 12nd.

Oh, I am back in Malaysia! I have no announced this on my blog, so I suppose I should at least mention this bit right here.

Just some quite notes to jot down what I did today.

• Mid Valley seems so small if compared to Harbour City.
• Now You See Me is quite a nice movie! I shall keep an eye on Mark Ruffalo, he's quite a good actor!
• I am still impressed by Mid Valley Megamall's management because it came up with a free shuttle bus service; from the south court to Bangsar LRT station.
• Public transportation back home = Reminiscence of my high school and college life.
• Dislike how I could be filled with anger and negativity, just because I still can't find a job and I am stuck at home, bored and useless and lacked productivity.
• Dislike the slower connection here at home.

Not to forget, Happy Dragon Boat Festival, everyone.

思想煩惱的一天

聽著情歌 思著當時的可能性

對自己非常的不健康

但

阻止不了自己

原來

自己還是放不下

曾經的快樂

May the month of May be better!

May 5th, Malaysia's General Election. Devastating result.

May 6th, my first Spanish Oral Test. Disappointing performance. I have no idea what I was so afraid of! Not only did I disappoint myself, I think I disappointed Rocio. It was just so disappointing. I can't get past this.

Seriously, ever since coming to HKU, I feel like I've been living the life of a loser.

目前的心情

失去了伶俐的味覺與強大的胃口
失去了舒服的睡眠和養身的休息
身體處於疲憊的狀態
精神處於不集中的現象
不定地懷疑
不定地細想
負面的細想

希望 這祇是生病的緣故

我 不喜歡這樣的我

我知道原因 我知道緣故
我希望 我能放下

Story about a Nice Friend being Pranked

It was the Earth Hour 2013 and I decided to go for a movie with a couple of friends. A close friend promised that she had something important to tell me after the movie. It was something which had been troubling her for some time and I supposed she wanted to share her problems, in a way to alleviate it. So after the movie (which I thoroughly enjoyed by the way), we sat in her lounge and talked about a million things that night. One of which was about her crush. It was rather serious because she apparently wanted to make it work but she was still feeling confused about it. So we talked about it and decided about what she could do about it, too. It was the main focus of the night! We talked right into the morning and it was nice. Nice, because I was able to meet someone so in synced to talk about anything at all.

Two days later, while she and I and a couple of other friends were having our dinner, another friend suddenly talked about a rumour - about my friend's crush! She supposedly told only one person - me! So how on earth did anyone else find out?! Naturally my friend suspected that I've betrayed her trust. She was mad and sad and disappointment, all at the same time! She wrote an extremely long message to me on Facebook, which for obvious reasons could not be disclosed. But she made it extremely clear that she did not want to hear from me, ever, until she has calmed down and was ready to talk about it to me, which to me, could take ages. I was scared and furious and, most of all, frustrated. First of all, I did not betray her. I did not disclose her secrets. Secondly, she's a friend I treasure here. She's a DEAR friend! At the thought of losing a dear friend like her really destroyed me. Initially I was confident we could get through this. So I decided to give her time to calm down by giving her a note, saying that I would respect her decision to not want to hear from me until she's ready. But the more I thought about it, the more I was afraid that after she's calmed down, she would have accepted the fact that I have betrayed her, that this image would have been imposed on me and she would never see me as a friend.

Finally, I sought help from another friend. She agreed to help out. And then, I was supposed to have a talk with my friend before dinner today. I wanted to end this thing earlier so I proposed an early timing. Then, she was apparently not free until before dinner time. 8.15pm. So 8.15pm, I went to her lounge but I did not see her. Instead, I saw the friend who helped me paved way for the meeting, and she told me that my friend was still outside and would be late. So we should have our dinner first and I should talk to her after that. And guess what?

When I went to the other lounge for dinner, everyone was there, waiting for me, to give me a surprise party.

I was shocked. And speechless. And...I thought I almost lost a dear friend. I really thought I almost lost a dear friend.

Of course, I was glad that everything was a prank.

When the dinner/party began, I excused myself, and went back to my room. While I was in the lift, I could no longer hold my tears. I guess it was a breakdown. I literally cried and laughed at the same time.

Dear me.

Never had I experienced anything like this before.

I treasure my friends like nothing else. If I have wronged any of my friends, I would feel extremely guilty. At the thought of losing a dear friend, I would really, really breakdown. Friends are everything to me. I don't make friends easily, but once I found one who clicks, I care for them, often without them knowing.

So, this prank, albeit funny, did give me a shock. Haha, my friends, you all are really funny. Love you all!

(Due to the exhaustion from pressure, frustration, nerves and sadness, I did not have much ability and energy to beautify this blog post, so it is quite mundane. My apology.)

Time to get busy again.

It's Saturday night. Spent it doing my assignment (isn't it supposed to be easy?!) and went to the gym. I really like going to the gym nowadays by the way. Just for anyone's info.

Well I thought I could get a nice late dinner at a nearby restaurant (Coco's) and I then saw an uncle selling street food. It was a rare scene because street food practically no longer exists in Hong Kong because of its infamous unhygienic preparation and low-class presentation. So imagine my excitement when I saw it! It was 鸡蛋仔 by the way, just like waffles made into shape of balls. It wasn't that nice, I've tried better. But still the sight of an authentic street food stall excited me and that excitement sort of boosted the taste. And compensated for the expensive price too. What can I say, I am unknowingly becoming a fan of Hong Kong street food! With that said, probably not gonna try it anymore.

Feeling lucky, I went for my late dinner. And there I was, in the restaurant, sitting by myself on a slightly large table, thinking that I must appreciate this quiet, slow moment before my schedule seriously becomes hectic on Monday. The white rice even tasted especially nice and delicious to me. WHITE RICE. Then, huge crowd of people started coming in and they needed a larger table to accommodate them. So the waitress asked if I could shift to another smaller table. (When I first reached, none of the smaller tables was available) So I said okay. But I was thinking in my heart, what does a guy have to do here in Hong Kong to enjoy his dinner quietly and peacefully. Then, another group of people came and they had to sit right in front of me to wait for my table. Well of course, I could have ignored them and continued with my meal. But the pressure is still there. The pressure of the local Hong Kong atmosphere. The pressure of speed. And busyness. Unbearable. And right that exact moment, I can still recall right now, I no longer felt any taste from the white rice.

Hong Kong life, they say.

It's February of year 2013

It's been a long while since I last posted something. I find it pointless whenever I say this. I say this with remorse and somewhere in my heart vow to never leave my blog unattended; however, here I am, repeating my regretted action (and breaking my vow), proving myself pointless.

It has been busy. There is literally no time for what I want to do, I simply want to do too much!

But there are only two focuses that I have for this time.

刚刚看完了华人星光大道二的决赛。总觉得冠军是内定的。亚军也可能是。有一点点太明显了。但冠军选手还是很强，只是，看得出我喜爱的选手也知道（内定的）成绩，所以选歌也选得比较放松。但还是会很支持他！喜欢他的歌声！喜欢她的感动！

接下来要讲些很跳tone的话题。

I woke up early this morning for a charity event: Distribution of Chinese auspicious saying to the neighbourhood around Kennedy Town! I almost could not wake up! But in the end some sense of guilt in my conscience poked me up hard and I literally jumped up from my bed. It was kinda weird for me to have joined this event because none of my friends joined. I was there by myself. I was sorta playing with luck too: to see whether I would see any recognizable faces, you know, just to get a companion. But I was out of luck.

So I teamed up with two lovely ladies and we headed to the streets to give out the sayings. I was mainly aiming at the elderly people. At first I was hesitant. But after the first try, I went on a roll! The first attempt really did the job for me. The first grandma I gave the saying to was so happy to have received the Chinese saying and to have heard what I said. “婆婆，这是我们香港大学写的珲春，送给你，祝你新年快乐，身体健康，蛇年行大运！” That's basically all that I said. And there were really unexpectedly happy! And the looks of joy and bliss on their faces really  brightened up my day! Within probably one hour, my team was done! We were efficient, indeed. But I am more proud of our good deed of bringing happiness to the neighbourhood. I really hope the grandmas and grandpas are happy and have a great Chinese New Year!

Happy New Year - 2013

I didn't post anything for the whole of December (and almost the whole of November too!). I'm officially feeling guilty!

To begin this, I want to wish everyone (or anyone) who is reading, Happy New Year! May 2013 be the year free from fear, free from doubt, free from anxiety; May 2013 be the year where happiness prevails and success materializes!

Happy New Year, all!