6 months ago, i wondered how it’s going to be like without hubs around.

On Wednesday last week, we’ve completed the 6 months.

It is kind of surreal. Looking back, it didn’t seem to be so bad though but i hope i don’t have to do it again.

There are times when I was exhausted that I wished i could just pack up our things and join le hubs in the Borneo.

I remembered when the guard refused entry to the Tesco delivery guy on a Sunday and i had to drag the 2 kiddos with me to carry our stuff back to the 4th floor.

And that the Tesco delivery guy wasn’t really emphatic about the whole thing and kinda forced me to hurry up because he had a schedule to adhere to.

I remembered it so well because i had to carry one really large whole pumpkin amongst other stuff I bought. And at the same time i had to make sure Kakak didn’t wander off to the middle of the road.

There was also an instance when i was about to clean myself in the morning when suddenly the tap went dry. The pump was broken hence no water supply. Had to take both kids to the taska, where Adik, or was it Kakak, was with a soiled diaper. Cleaned myself at my brother’s house nearby the Taska before i went to work. Poor teacher.

there was one time when Kakak vomited in her sleep. i thought it was a one time thing but the next morning, she vomited in the car on the way to the taska after i gave her milk. wrong move. never drink milk if you have stomach flu, diarrhea or empty stomach. some people cannot tolerate milk in those situation. learned it the hard way. had to u-turn and cleaned Kakak first at the parking lot because i had to carry both of them again to go to our unit. Adik vomited too when i was cleaning Kakak up, because of the stench. had to call my brother to help me look after the kiddos at home while i took Kakak’s car seat up to be cleaned.

Another time, Adik was infected with Croup and i was alone with the kiddos at the hospital, waiting to be admitted. I remembered I was hungry and Kakak was asking for food but I couldn’t go out to find food because i had no one to look after Adik. My parents and my SIL came to the rescue only after maghrib, allowing me to rush home to pack our stuff. Had to stay in a 4 bedded ward for the night so Kakak had to stay with my parents. She cried when she had to leave the hospital that night. Hubs returned the next day, thankfully.

 

https://www.instagram.com/p/BEI_PU8oxYhLtGrs7JFvOHu_l9IB85fQP8vGw80/

https://www.instagram.com/p/BEI_PU8oxYhLtGrs7JFvOHu_l9IB85fQP8vGw80/?taken-by=firahritz

a few weeks ago, i had to go to the east coast for 2 nights to give a course. My parents tagged along and looked after the kiddos while i went to work during the day. 2 days prior to that trip, we discovered that my new baby niece has coarctation of the aorta and also vsd. Scary couple of weeks of our lives.

When Adik had a fever and i had to take a day off to look after her.

The weekly mcdonalds, countless dominos, pizza hut, kfc, ayamas. the weekly Tesco deliveries. I even had to resort to using GoGet to buy diapers at one time. Tesco ran out of diapers and at that time i was not confident in taking 2 very active kiddos to a store. it was not until 2 months ago i am a bit more confident that the kiddos can behave in a public place and i started to stop at a stall near our home to buy dinner.

but i had also successfully potty-trained Kakak during this time. without her dad’s around.

it was a blessing when i was on my menses when Ramadan starts. i had no idea how i was going to manage fasting (the lack of sleep is a major concern) without my hubs around.

i dunno how a weekly husband and wife did it. sometimes with 4 -5 kids even. i seriously think that i cannot be having #3 if hubs work cannot promise me that he will be around all the time. i am going to be so bitter and angry all the time.

but hubs did came back every 2-3 weeks. sometimes for more than just a weekend. a short reprieve but a reprieve nonetheless. it isn’t a 6-months straight stint in the Borneo. and for that i am thankful.

2 weeks ago, a small car was left on a roadside near the kids’ taska, which I assumed was because it broke down and the owner could not tow it to a garage.

2 days after that, the window on the driver’s side was broken into. The car was still at the roadside then.

In less than a week, the car lost a taillight, headlights, radio and God knows what else because it sure looked like someone had ransacked the inside.

A few days ago, the car was flipped upside down and pushed to the drain. It was a really small car, mind you, so 3 well-built men can easily flips it.

I wish i had taken photos so that you guys can see the evolution (or devolution) of what was once a car becoming scrap metal in less than 2 weeks.

I hope that the owner really did abandoned the car for good and not left it there because he or she couldn’t afford to tow it or find a mechanic to repair it on the spot. Or that he or she can claim full insurance to cover the losses.

I am just sad that we no longer have any respect for other people’s properties. We have become so opportunistic that we did not question if we should keep the money we found on the road, for example. Or, that returning a phone that was lost was applauded and made to be huge news, because it’s becoming rarer and rarer for people to return things that aren’t theirs.

That stretch of road is also right next to a highway. Day after day i see lots of plastic bags, plastic cups, bottles and various other things lain on the shoulder, waiting for the council to clean them.

Then the foreign nationals, or expats to be politically correct, hired by the council will clean them for us. And yet we dare to think we are above them.
I used to remember, back in school, we used to pick up any rubbish we found on the floor and throw em in the bins. There’ll be one session where we walked round the school looking for rubbish.

Don’t they do this in school anymore?

Do not throw rubbish out of the car, at car parks, or wherever at your whims or fancy, for goodness sake. Keep em in your bag until you find a bin!  How difficult can it be? i was at a beach in the northern east coast couple of weeks ago. the sandy beaches was ruined by rubbish that was left behind by the visitors to the beach. OMG, we really do not deserve any nice things!

Every time i see the strewn of rubbish on that stretch of roads or on a beach or heck, anywhere, i know we truly deserve our dirty politicians.

We have become so self-centric for some reason. Extremely selfish. We lack empathy, common sense, civic mindedness. We cannot look further than ourselves.
I need to get there fast. I’ll jump queue because i’m so damn important, i’ll use the emergency lane because there’s no accident, right?

It’s all about ME, ME, ME.

How did we even get here?

I’m not sure if it is because of what my mom had to go through raising us or i was influenced by what i read.

Mom was the breadwinner of my family. She was bitter about it for 20 years until recently when she finally made peace with it. I find it hard to accept that, mom, the superwoman that she is, asked me to put my husband’s wishes above mine.

She learned it the hard way, she said. She was never at peace. Angry all the time. She blamed everything except herself and she always thought she’s above my dad.
I’m not sure if it is religion or just our culture’s patriarchal ways that have been shoved down our throats that we think that the only way to heaven is by serving our husbands.
Mendapatkan redha suami. Sure. What about mendapatkan redha isteri? Why is the latter not being stressed on the husbands as much as the former on the wives?
My husband doesn’t own me as i do not own him too.
I firmly believe that both men and women are equal. Not one gender is above the other. And it’s hard for me to not roll my eyes when i hear people defending the men’s rights on their wives. Their arguments always seem lopsided, for some reason.
Islam elevates female’s social standing to be at the same level as the male’s, isn’t that what they’ve always said? Everyone was borne equal, yes?
At an Eid gathering last year, I was shocked to see that my husband’s cousin, who is a medical doctor, served her husband on a dining table. Like a waitress.
I couldn’t believe that despite her education, she still acts like he’s the boss. Who made him the boss? I was seething when i saw it and i vowed that my children should not think that they need to treat their husbands like kings.
I cook, do laundry and look after the kids. My husband vacuumed, clean everything else and do housework that I didn’t manage to do. Mutually understands each other’s role.
What I asked is respect. If I don’t get treated like a queen, don’t expect i treat you like a king. Simple, isn’t it?
I’d rather treated my husband like a king out of own free will, you know, not because i was brainwashed to do it. Shows how much I love him.
We are born equal. Men and women. Biologically we may not be, but everything else we are.