Portlynn Blake's Birth Story

Portlynn Blake Estes 

Born @ 12:44pm August 17th 2015

5.9lbs 18inches long

It's now been 48+ hours since we welcomed Portlynn into the world and I figured I should write some of this down before it leaves my mind! 

I had my last prenatal appointment on the 12th where my doctor and I went over the delivery process. The baby has been transverse since 20 weeks and has remained that way clear until delivery, with the position of my placenta it was going to be necessary to cut through it in order to deliver baby. This would undoubtedly start some bleeding, effect the baby's oxygen supply prematurely and then it would be a mad dash to quickly get her out. Because of her position getting her out was going to be even trickier. My doctors words were "we will all be holding our breaths the first couple minutes and it will be a little scary!" EEEK not exactly what I wanted to hear.

This made me a little extra nervous the days leading up to delivery. Thankfully the night before I started feeling quite the little tap show of feet on my cervix meaning she was still breech but footling breech in a position much more ideal for quick delivery! (Just one of the many ways the Lord answered our prayers throughout this whole journey) 

We got the kids ready Monday morning, left Grandma Washington in charge and then headed off to the hospital. To add to the the mornings excitement Devin had not gotten any sleep the night before because one of his buddies at work had gotten in a shooting (at St. Joes Hospital of all places) that very morning and he had raced down to the hospital to help detain the suspect. Quite the event!! Thankfully his fellow officer was OK but it was quite a scary situation. 

We arrived to the hospital both delirious from lack of sleep and got checked in and my Wonderful MIL met us in the lobby. Having her there all morning was a great distraction and comfort the 2.5 hours before actual go time! I am so thankful that she was there for both Devin and I.

I was prepped with two lines instead of one, just incase extra blood needed to be transfused during delivery. I met with the anesthesiologist, and we talked about my c-section history and how getting sick is pretty much inevitable and I spend most of the time on the OR table throwing up and then the rest of the day doing so as well. I knew that I didn't handle morphine well and he said omitting it from my spinal block was actually an option. It would possibly  help stifle some of that nausea but would mean more pain following surgery. I decided it was worth a shot. Around this time the stress leading up to this day and all my fears kind of hit me and I had a good sob session!! Sometimes you just need to cry a little and cry I sure did! Dr. Sherman was more than thrilled when I told her that the baby seemed to be feet down and we both agreed that this was a great indication that things were going to go well!

I eventually was on the OR table being prepped and had the best spinal placement ever. Besides the numbing shot I didn't feel anything but just a little pressure! To say my anesthesiologist was good at his job would be an understatement he totally changed my delivery experience for the better! 

Unlike my last two deliveries the nausea didn't take hold right away it was a good 10 min before I needed any anti-nausea  medicine and I was much more comfortable before the baby was delivered than I ever had been before. Devin finally came into the room, and about 10 mins after he arrived soft baby cries were filling the room. All of our nurses were so excited that the gender was a surprise! And one asked Devin to peek over so he could announce the big news to the room.

I'll be honest I was beyond convinced that this baby was going to be a boy! From the second that we found out we were expecting, I had this distinct impression that it was a boy. While we never saw anything to confirm yay or nay at our sonograms, each of our techs said something that led me or Devin to believe that it was indeed most likely a boy. The icing on the cake however was at my last prenatal appointment when my doctor asked:  "what my plans for circumcision where" I laughed it off and reminded her we didn't know the sex, she played it off really well and we discussed it "in case it was necessary" and left it at that. But I left a little defeating trying not to read to far into the question.(defeated because I so desperately wanted this news to be a surprise not due to gender disappointment.)

Up until 3 days before delivery we had NO boy names picked out. This was totally stressing me out and when I  told Devin what my doctor had asked we were finally able to buckle down and agree on a name. I specifically wanted names picked out before delivery because in an ideal situation Devin and I had discussed that he would tell me the gender by revealing the babies name to the room. I can't tell you how many times we both said there is just no way this baby is going to be a girl!

By the end of my pregnancy I was actually pretty upset and felt like our surprise wasn't even really a surprise because I felt like it had on several occasions been inadvertently given away, and I wondered why we even bothered trying to have a surprise when everyone was out to ruin it!! (Just a little mellow dramatic, I know ;). Now Back to delivery! 

Devin peeks over the curtain and paused for a long time than he looked at me with this look I can only describe as complete and utter shock, pauses again and while shaking his head says "it's a Portlynn" I'm sure my mouth hung open about 10 feet before I just began to sob tears of pure happiness.

While I suspected this baby was a boy, deep down I really wanted a girl, and mostly a sister for Scarlett. I still keep pinching myself and a can't believe she is a SHE! She is certainly Scarlett's sister and has a head full of beautiful dark hair. Her features remind me a lot of Scarlett but her nose is much more like Atticus' (mine) and her mouth reminds me of his as well. After she was delivered Devin went back with her while I finished getting all sewn back together and not too shortly after Devin and the baby left, my doctor told me that my placenta had come away beautifully. At which point I cried some more happy tears knowing we had avoided a hysterectomy and everything had gone well!

I got sick around this point and tried really hard to lose my lunch with out success, and the anesthesiologist said after I was all done that my doctor could now probably operate on a wind tossed boat without a problem! (Dry heaving sucks!!) After that I was pretty uncomfortable and ready to be off the table but didn't have any nausea that was strong enough to push me over the edge into a heaving fit again. 

Eventually Devin brought Portlynn back to the OR for me to see, until we were moved to recovery I wanted so badly to just stare at her and take her all in but I was concentrating pretty hard on just getting through the discomfort and couldn't focus on much more than just breathing in and out. In recovery I had a hard time getting set up high enough to be able to breast feed Portlynn without my blood pressure going up and the nausea returning. 

I eventually just gave it a shot, but by that point Portlynn started to breath rapidly and I started to regain feeling and was in quite a bit of pain. My nurse somehow ended up being solo during all of this and was pretty frazzled! She called the NICU doctor down to evaluate Portlynn and kept administering  more pain meds to get my pain under control. This was where the trade off of barfing/vs pain came into full effect by having eliminated the morphine during the spinal. But It was a much better trade off, I was totally coherent, instead of being in a loopy drug haze, I was much more myself and even though I was in pain the nausea was manageable and I felt like ME!! Which was not the case during/after my last 2 c-sections.

 The NICU doctor came in and evaluated Portlynn and with some urgency took her back to be admitted into the NICU.  Her heart rate/breathing was all over the place. I thankfully actually remember this and he confirmed she wasn't just going for a "short observation" but would be fully admitted. My heart sank a little because I had wanted to avoid this so bad but watching her I knew there was no way around it. And I wasn't feeling well enough to hold or take care of her at this point either so it helped take the pressure off me and I was able to rest a little. I hung out in the recovery room for several hours while my nurse tried really hard to get my pain to a tolerable level, I eventually just had to go to a room because it was at least bearable but not getting better no matter how much medicine was administered. Back in my room I started pumping and Devin and I just couldn't stop talking about how shocked and exited we were she was a girl! My poor mother in law had been left in the Lobby during this whole time which equated to several long hours and Devin and I refused to tell her the gender until we could see her reaction in person! When she walked in the door she was referring to the baby as "he" and I couldn't wait to tell her the exciting news. Seeing her face was priceless as I had confided in her how "sure I was this baby was a boy" and she could hardly believe it either. Devin was then able to take Cathy back to the NICU for the first time and get caught up to speed with where she was at. 

She was given a nasal cannula of oxygen and an IV to replace actual feeding until she as stable enough to be fed. Having a baby in the NICU for the second time in many ways is easier than the first time since I know more or less what to expect and know that it will all be over before we know it.  I too was able to visit her  for the first time late that night and got to do some skin to skin and see her first bath. I had missed all the other babies baths so it was fun to not only be there but I was coherent enough to actually enjoy and remember the moment. 

My recovery from this point on has been the best recovery by far! My pain was hard to manage the first 48 hours but well worth avoiding the side affects of the morphine. I am so thankful that the anesthesiologist listened to my concerns and actually gave me some alternative options that proved to make a massive difference for me and my entire delivery/recovery experience. He came by my room to check on me the following day and said that what he did only works for 1-10 with people so I'm glad he thought it was worth a try! 

We are all still in the hospital my doctor extended my stay to 4 days to hopefully give Portlynn a better chance at being discharged with me. Unfortunately it looks like that won't be happening as she is just not quite ready to feed with out an NGtube. Once she is able to take all her feeds orally I'm sure it won't be long before we are gearing up to leave. It's a little depressing to walk down the halls of the couplet floor and see all the rooms now empty of mothers and their babies who delivered days after I did. I'm ready to go home but not without my baby. It's a strange thing to have a baby in the NICU and some things are easier the second go around but something's are just as bittersweet. 

After all the "what if's" and "unknowns" of this pregnancy and delivery have now come to a close I am beyond grateful and blessed with the outcome of this entire journey. I have felt so uplifted by the prayers on our behalf and I know that our prayers have been answered and I am just so happy to be here, recovering and able to snuggle my sweet baby GIRL without the stress of the unknown weighing on my shoulders.

Each day we get a little closer to being home again as a family and I am just taking it one day at a time. 

32/33 week follow up

33.3 weeks #4

Last week I had my final scan to check on the baby and my placenta. The baby looked great as he/she has the entire time, the baby is measuring in the 45% for size and is still transverse. Thankfully the baby is transverse spine up so that the doctor will at least have some feet to grab during delivery but this position is not ideal even for a c-section. What can I say my babies just have a mind of their own! The scan also showed no signs of Accreta but has not moved yet again, and I still have about 7-8mm of placenta covering my cervix.

 This basically just means that I continue as I have been and confirms that we can go ahead and schedule my c-section for 37 weeks.  I met with my doctor yesterday to officially go over all the results. Unfortunately I've have 3 albeit very small spotting episodes from 28-33 weeks, the most recent being last week. My doctor was concerned about this as well as the other combination of risks I already have including the thin lower segment of my uterus and felt impressed that we should move my c-section date up another week. So that puts us at a 36 week delivery. She also stressed that this would change if I had any major bleeding or began to hemorrhage which she is hoping we will avoid altogether by delivering an additional week early.

 I am feeling such a mix of emotions knowing that we will have a baby in less than 3 weeks, firstly I'm so ready! This pregnancy has been much harder physically and I'm ready to be un-pregnant! Secondly I'm  scared whitless about delivery, because I get incredibly sick, and because there are a lot of unknowns that we just can't prepare for until my doctor gets in there and sees what's going on regarding my thin uterine wall, and the placenta cooperating. If things go poorly I'll end up with a hysterectomy so I'm just hoping that's not on the horizon! Thirdly, now added, the fear of an early baby. The boys were born at 34.5 weeks and spent almost 4 weeks in the NICU. While 2 extra weeks makes a huge difference on a babies development there is still the chance that the baby may need to be in the NICU for a day or two. With Scarlett's birth it was so amazing to just have her in the room with us during recovery, I didn't have to feel that guilt of not physically feeling up to hanging out in the NICU every second, deal with pumping and shuttleing milk down to the NICU every couple hours and I just got to enjoy my baby. I'm SO hoping that we are able to have a similar experience this time. But I know ther is no way of predicting what will happen. And lastly, I am so anxious to finally know the gender of this baby! We have been having the hardest time deciding on names!! And recently have really started doubling the ones we were leaning towards so I hope it doesn't take us a week to figure it out once the baby arrives! 

I'm now just waiting for the officially call with my scheduled date which in hoping will be today, and trying to get all my ducks in a row in the mean time! Luckily I'm pretty much ready besides a long list of things I would "like" to do but are not at all necessary! I'm praying that things stay uneventful for the next few weeks and we can just make it to my scheduled c-section with out any extra excitement!

-Haley 

OB results from my last scan

Met with my OB yesterday and went over the results from my ultrasound. Placenta previa is still not a lovely thing to have while being pregnant and can cause sudden unannounced bleeding in the 3rd trimester so she wasn't pleased that the placenta hadn't moved. I can't do any traveling  outside of the city limits until after delivery, and my c-section has been pushed up an extra week to 37 weeks (YES Ma'am!!). This is to avoid any contractions or labor that would cause hemorrhaging, to keep the situation as controlled as possible.

She was pleased that there were no signs of Placenta Accreta but said that doesn't mean there won't be issues with my placenta detaching normally at delivery. She said low anterior placentas are always a reason to be concerned for difficult delivery. Her words were: "I'm just telling you now so that when delivery happens and I look over and say I have to do a hysterectomy you can't say I didn't warn you". Fair enough I suppose. But it could just as easily peel away with out any issues. I always appreciate her honesty and I'd rather be prepared instead of have to deal with the total shock of waking up with no uterus later on. We have the added issue of my uterus wall being abnormally thin to also deal with and that alone could throw us some curve balls. Hopefully the repair she did at my last c-section has held up and that wont be the case.

Should I have any major bleeding between now and delivery I'll be admitted until the baby comes and a massive bleed could turn into an emergent delivery. I honestly do not think that this is going to happen but am taking it easy so as to not aggravate anything in the mean time.

Even though all the above SUCKS, I'm still feeling so much better that Placenta Accreta is not currently present and that there is a good chance that everything will go well! I will take placenta previa over placenta accreta any day of the week! I'm also not feeling as freaked out about delivery as I was before. I can't say I'm super excited for all the unknowns but I'm feeling optimistic that things are going to be just fine. I will have an additional ultrasound at 32 weeks to make sure everything is still the same as this weeks scan. And hopefully in the mean time I can just keep doing my thing at home, keep my shop open (for my own sanity) and enjoy these next 9 weeks with my husband and 3 kids before our worlds get turned upside down!

Hopefully I wont have any new updates until after my next scan! No news is definitely good news!

-Haley

28 Week Scan: Update on Baby #4

28 Week Scan!

The only profile picture we could get of the baby today! The baby was facing my back  and moving a bunch so it was a little tricky! 

I had my follow up scan this morning regarding the issues with my placenta and received good and bad news!

For starters we had the same wonderful tech as last time so she already knew we didn't want to know the gender and knew the concerns from the previous scan! That alone was a big relief! Having a good tech can really make all the difference when you are already a nervous wreck!

She started off by measuring the baby who is measuring right on track and is footling breech! (my babies flip around late and often so not a huge deal!)! My fluid and everything was all on track and I actually paid more attention this time and still didn't see any baby parts we are trying to avoid! That was a concern for me going in because I wanted to watch what was going on but still not ruin the surprise! I mean we've made it clear to 28 weeks I'd hate to ruin it now!

Next she looked at my placenta. I could already tell right away that it looked like it was still in the same position as last time. She measured and eventually confirmed that it hadn't budged at all. So I still have placenta previa. which means continued pelvic rest, light activity etc.  This can cause bleeding in the 3rd trimester but many women make it clear to their c-sections with out any at all. We will just have to wait and see. Hoping for the later obviously!

After she checked the placenta position she checked all the boundaries of my placenta for signs of Accreta .

Placenta accreta is a serious pregnancy condition that occurs when blood vessels and other parts of the placenta grow too deeply into the uterine wall.

Typically, the placenta detaches from the uterine wall after childbirth. With placenta accreta, part or all of the placenta remains firmly attached. This can cause severe blood loss after delivery.

It's also possible for the placenta to invade the muscles of the uterus (placenta increta) or grow through the uterine wall (placenta percreta).

Placenta accreta is considered a high-risk pregnancy complication. If placenta accreta is suspected during pregnancy, you'll likely need an early C-section delivery followed by the surgical removal of your uterus (hysterectomy). (mayo clinic definition).

One of hallmarks for Accreta is placenta lakes. These look like black holes in your placenta and typically go hand in hand with placenta Acrreta. I could tell once she started looking around that there were several large ones that she was taking measurement of and my heart immediately sank. I asked if that was indeed what she was measuring and she said yes. I lost it for a moment and started crying. Thinking that this was NOT good news! She finished up and I honestly was thinking the worst. Knowing I was upset she said she would grab the doctor to come in and tell us what was going on to give us some peace of mind. I wasn't expecting this and was glad I didn't have to wait until tomorrow when my OB gave me the official results!

The doctor came in and said , that yes my placenta was still covering my cervix  and hadn't moved at all and that he didn't expect that it would move at this point. Since its located where the baby needs to exit for a c-section he said delivery will be a little trickier. He asked who my doctor was and assured me she would no doubt be able to handle it and had some really nice things to say about her! He then said that it didn't appear like there was any Placenta Accreta. He  had the tech do another ultrasound and showed me the clear barrier where the placenta was not invading the myometrium  , or my bladder. He also explained how all the blood flow was typical for a healthy placenta and that it would look different if placenta accreta was present. I have obviously been worried about this more than the placenta previa for the last 8 weeks. and I can't even begin to explain the relief that things are looking just fine!! Because the placenta still remains below my previous scarring, placenta accreta cannot be ruled out 100% until actual delivery. But after the doctors thorough explanation of everything its not looking likely at all! I will meet with my OB again tomorrow and go over what the placenta previa will mean as far as delivery goes but I'm thinking as long as I don't have any bleeding things should be just fine!

I want to especially thank everyone who has checked in on us, prayed for us and had us on their minds through this!! I truly have felt such a sense of peace and calm and have felt your prayers! I'll probably update again after my next appointment tomorrow and the count down is officially on! only 10 more weeks until we get to meet this baby!

An Update: Baby #4 and a Little of the Unexpected

Something about pregnancy brings out the blogger in me. It may also be that each pregnancy/delivery has brought with it the element of surprise or difficulty that sends me to my "outlet" to
document and I'll be it vent or get certain thoughts and feelings off my chest it's great therapy for me and I find my self again needing that little outlet. Lets just start from the beginning shall we. This story could certainly be under the category of over-sharing for which I make no apologies but you have now been fairly warned. 

The beginning is really the end of Scarlett's pregnancy  during her delivery. I had a repeat c-section for Scarlett having only had a 10 month sabbatical from the boys delivery before becoming pregnant. My pregnancy with Scarlett was an absolute breeze! Especially in comparison to the boys pregnancy. She was a mellow mover and the only real complaint I could share would be the ever constant heartburn which I happily dealt with given all the obstacles thrown my way with the boys pregnancy! And I think it certainly contributed to the full and adorable head of hair she was born with! My c-section was scheduled for 38.5 weeks. I'll fully admit I was so not ready the week or two before! I felt like I needed more time to prepare before adding baby number 3 to our family!

 The day of my delivery was non eventful we woke up went to the hospital, I was as you might expect incredibly nervous but all went smoothly. Following her delivery I was told by the nurse who had been with me start to fish that whole day that things didn't exactly go well and that I might not be able to have more children due to how thin my uterus was when the doctor preformed my c-section. I was told this literally with in the hour of delivering and while I was still in the recovery room. My doctor and I talked more about it that day and at my post op appointments in the weeks that followed. It has been something I haven't been able to stop thinking about since. Thankfully my doctor had a more full and complete account of what transpired and I have shared it on my personal blog before. In a nutshell The lower section of my uterus is what my doctor described as "paper thin". After Scarlett was delivered she removed the damaged tissue from my uterus leaving only the strong tissue and essentially "fixed" the problem. The issue is that it can thin out again or even worse in any subsequent pregnancy so the fix may only be temporary and we honestly won't know until a second pregnancy if problems arise, if I go into labor, or during a subsequent c-section. Essentially the risk I face is uterine rupture, which is life threatening to me and the baby & not something you want to mess around with.

Devin and I both agreed shortly after Scarlett's birth that
this risk was not worth having more children and that we would be done. Having three children in 19 months was also much more challenging than I could have ever anticipated and surely helped reiterate that feeling of being "done" for me quite often. 

My boys are now four and totally potty trained, since Scarlett's birth Tristan has had 5 surgeries to correct a birth defect he was born with and we are now fairly confident that he won't need subsequent surgeries. That in itself has been such a hard experience for us as parents and especially Tristan and we are so happy to be moving forward. Essentially we are in a new phase of child rearing and things have been dare I say a little easier since the boys have turned 3.5-4.

 Devin began dropping hints last summer that maybe we should re-visit the topic of having more children. I completely shut him down and wouldn't hear any of it. He being Mr. persistent didn't let that stop him and eventually stepped up his game. Early this fall we had our first real conversation about having another baby. I'll admit that my fears overwhelmed my desire to have another baby and made it hard to think about actually having another let alone starting the process to do so. After several more "real" conversations and some humbling and spiritual intervention in my own personal life, I agreed to at least speak to my doctor and ask her if I was crazy to do this. Once again I felt the sprit really pulling on my heart strings as my husband and I entered her office and had the "talk". This too ended up being a moment of clarity for me and my doctor said; while there would be more risks she felt confident in giving me the go ahead and that we would deliver this next baby 2 weeks early as an extra precaution and deal with anything else that may arise along the way most of which I asked about and wanted to know a full game plan best/worst case scenario. I asked her a ton of questions all of which I felt she answered in a way that made me feel more assured.

 Even with all the reassurance and the overwhelming excitement and support from Devin I didn't feel ready to move forward. I had felt so "done" having children over the last several years it was hard for me to wrap my head around doing just the opposite. I still wasn't fully on board when the first positive test came and it came much quicker than I thought it would. Which truly was a blessing in the long run. Nothing quite like being thrown into something head first to get you to shift into gear. Morning sickness was twice as long and hard this time around not exactly the welcome back to childbearing I was hoping for but I was thankful for that constant reminder that things were going well and feeling crappy is definitely a good indicator that things are going well. 

Along the way my excitement has definitely increased and I now can't imagine not having taken this path. Following my 20 week anatomy scan a few weeks ago my doctor however had some bad news. I have placenta previa and an anterior placenta. Meaning my placenta is low and partially covering my cervix as well as growing beneath my previous c-section scar. She wasn't too concerned about the placenta previa as it often resolves on its own but wasn't thrilled about the placement of my placenta under my scar. 

one of the things I love about my doctor is she always gives it to me straight. The problem is my placenta can attach or embed and grow through my scar this is know as Placenta Accreta. Best case scenario my placenta doesn't get out of hand and does not attach to the scar. Worse case is it does and I will need a full hysterectomy the day of my cesarean. I knew these were some of the risks I faced before going into this, but I honestly felt like things would go smoothly and we wouldn't even have to deal with anything out of the ordinary. I suppose Heavenly Father just really wants me to fight for each of these babies and has made my path to childbearing just that. An overwhelming desire to bring each of these children here safely and be willing to do what ever it takes to do just that. Right now I'm on pelvic rest for the next 7 weeks until I have a follow up ultrasound at 28 weeks. hopefully by then the placenta previa will have resolved and pelvic rest will be lifted. We will also check and see if there is any visible growth of the placenta through my scaring at that time.

 At this point I am thankfully feeling really great otherwise and trying not to over do it. If you know me at all you know this is hard enough in itself because I always feel like I "need" to be doing something. I am trying hard to pick my activities wisely and not cause myself any extra trouble.  There has also been no indication that either problem is causing real issues at the moment which I am very grateful for and hope will continue, unfortunately that could change in an instant so I'm trying to just not think too hard about that. Having done the whole hospital bed-rest with the boys I know well enough to keep things low key. 

To add to the element of surprise we decided not to find out the gender this time around. I have a pretty overwhelming feeling what the gender is already even though I don't actually have any confirmation.  it has been such a different and cool experience not knowing! The days before my 20 week anatomy scan when we would have normally found out the gender Devin and I both discussed how upset we would be if we accidentally saw and ruined the surprise! We both spent most of the ultrasound staring at the ceiling and the wall to doubly insure the one surprise we actually had control of wouldn't be spoiled! This baby is incredibly active and despite having an anterior placenta I'm feeling lots of regular movement from him/her. The kids excitement about this pregnancy has also been so much fun this time! The boys and especially Atticus ask me about the baby often throughout the day! 

So here we are on another pregnancy adventure holding our breaths a little and hoping that all will end well in the end and trying not to over think things in the mean time! I also am beyond grateful for my doctor. She has been so amazing throughout each of my pregnancies and knows more than anyone what we have gone through to bring each of these babies into this world. Knowing she is in my corner gives me great comfort and I always know that regardless of what happens I am in good hands! 

I will have a follow up ultrasound in the next couple weeks at that time hopefully we will have some more answers. In the mean time I am hoping things stay as non eventful as possible and I'm crossing all fingers and toes that I don't have to be put on bed-rest! I'm sure I will update again if anything changes. until then!

-Haley

Update

Boy it has been a while since I have updated my personal blog! It is time!

I finally feel like I am out of the rut  I was stuck in the first 6 months of this year! It was a little rough. I was and am still adjusting to being so far away from my parents and siblings its sucky and I hate it but I am learning to deal, I still feel a little bitter about it but that's just life and perhaps someday I'll get over it or perhaps I won't time will only tell. I also feel like my kids are doing better physically. It has been tough having sick kids. I have always been a healthy person and was fortunate to grow up in a very healthy family so dealing with chronic sickness is tough to adjust to. I also feel like the mystery barfing that went on for 3 months early this year is finally through. I definitely think it was food allergy related and taking dairy out of my boys diet seems to have done the trick. Since getting past that Atticus has been very healthy and has had no issues. Tristan is on and off and frequent doctor visits have just become part of our routine. Luckily we have been blessed to have an awesome pediatrician and staff who I feel go above and beyond to get us in quickly when his issues start to stir up and help get him on antibiotics as soon as he needs them. He has had several positive tests for Ecoli and has been on a couple different types of antibiotics to help treat it but it doesn't seem to be going away. His next surgery is coming up in a few weeks and his doctors are going to try a more aggressive antibiotic closer to that date since he seems to be acting otherwise normal. They
 don't want to over do it beforehand with meds only to have it just come right back which it has now done twice. Right now he is just on a low dose daily antibiotic to keep it at bay until that time.
 Unfortunately as consequence to this nasty little issue, his food just seems to pour right through him and hasn't helped him with his weight gain. He has some days that are worse than others but he seems to be doing better.

With Tristan being sick on and off it makes it difficult to make plans and have play dates. I feel like we end up canceling a lot and I'm pretty sure everyone just thinks I am a big flake. Its challenging to keep up with my group of moms but there really isn't a lot that I can do about the situation.

The boys are now 2 years and 7 months. I really can't even explain it but I feel like things have gotten a little easier the closer we get to 3. Their speech is continuing to develop, slowly but surely. They still have so much of "their" language intertwined with English that it makes it difficult to decipher a lot of what they are saying but they really have made progress which is all that I can ask for. They are starting to become more opinionated about things which is funny, and also sometimes challenging. They comprehend so much of what is going on and get frustrated when I can't figure out what it is that they want. I really am just waiting for language to kind of "click" and I think in even just a few months they will have made some great strides in that area.

The boys are seriously so sweet. I really did not know what expect when we brought Scarlett into the mix. I thought they would be jealous or mean to her and surprisingly they have been neither. I don't think twins even know what it means to be jealous. They have always had to share everything so its really no different to share with a third party. She has really started to interact with them and wants to be right in on the action. They don't seem to mind either they both have a soft spot for her and comfort her when she is upset, which lets be honest is more than necessary since she is quite the drama queen. They even go as far as to include her in there little games and bring her toys and talk to her in there little language. It's so cool to seem them all be so close. They are also not afraid to tell her "no" when they think she is doing something she shouldn't which is really quite funny. The way they say her name varies between "ocket" like pocket with out the p, "scocket" like pocket with an "SC" and "ockie" like Rockie with out the R. Devin and I even lovingly refer to with those names more often than I will admit.

I know things are getting better in this "terrible two phase" also because I go days without even shutting the baby gate anymore. That used to be the only way I could even get through the day was to lock them in the play room just to save them from themselves! They are so curious and sneaky! Although the same curiosity still exists, I find that they are much more easily entertained now by a cartoon or coloring and don't just run all over the place destroying things and getting hurt!

Scarlett. Scarlett is all girl. She screams and squeals all the time especially when her brothers aren't letting her have her way. She is pretty mellow most of the time and is quite independent. She doesn't need anyone to keep her entertained and will sit for hours playing with her toys and what ever she has decided is now a toy. But she is also a major Momma's girl. She needs to be within my sight at all times and would like me to be close and touching her if at all possible 24/7. She is still nursing a ton and although she isn't ready to give up I am starting to lose my supply. Which is weird since I never did with the boys. It makes me sad that she is growing so fast and is no longer a tiny little baby. She is still tiny but boy can she get around! Her first birthday is in exactly a week and I am just dumbfounded. She is a good little eater and likes to eat small little portions all day long. It always astounds me just how much she is like me. She loves all the same foods that I do and just little things she does freak me out  a little. It is very fun to have my own little clone running about! Especially since the boys are so much like Devin. Scarlett also has a very shy and timid side. She is very picky about her "people" and wont just let anyone hold her or in some cases even look at her with out getting scared or upset. She does seem to be getting better and is not quite as choosey as she was
a few months ago. I just love her so much and its hard to believe a life with out my children ever existed. I almost wish I could just freeze time right here for just a while longer because things are good. My kids are in a happy healthy place and it makes me sad to know that before I know it they are going to be in school and life is going to really get busy!

Scarlett at about 6months

The boys at the Doctors office

 Atti playing in the front yard

 Miss Scarlett a few months ago

 Fourth of July at my Grandparents in Sierra Vista

 The boys took their closet door off and then mountain climbed up it and slid down.

 Atti Boy

 My older brother is a stud and got inducted into Medical School

 my boys

 Right before Tristan's last procedure a few months ago. His dr. got held up for 3 hours and Tristan took the opportunity to take a 3 hour nap! Good timing!

 

Mr. Trissy

6 months old!!!

I am always baffled by how fast little babies grow up! Like for real how can my boys be two and Scarlett be 6 months old!! It's madness!!

Turning two:

The boys had a wonderful Birthday full of cake food and presents lots of family and friends came to celebrate and make their day special! thanks to all who came!

Tristan- is talking a lot more! He will repeat pretty much anything you ask him! unfortunately most of his words sound the same so we still have no idea what he is saying! He is definitely a feisty little guy and isn't afraid to let his presence be known! He loves to dance, watch cartoons, play with his trucks and stuffed animals, he loves to talk to Scarlett give her hugs and kisses and do anything silly to get her to laugh! We love Tristan so much the last several months have been tough on this little guy! He has had the flu twice and has continued to have some unexplained barfing for the last 5 weeks that happens just about every other night(sometimes more sometimes less). this is not related to his surgery in November and really has his dr.'s and I all confused. We are currently doing some testing to figure out how serious this is but are hoping in the mean time that it will just pass on its own. He saw his specialist dr Monday and his dr is pleased with his progress and he will have his second of a two part surgery in May-June. He is such a trooper and is always so good for all the poking and prodding he has to endure. He weighed in at 21 pounds at his last dr.'s visit which is quite an accomplishment for this little guy!

Atticus: Oh Atticus! He is our little lover boy! He gets bossed around by Tristan most the time and just goes with the flow! He is a busy little guy always climbing, playing, and running around pretending! I had always heard that some twins develop their own language and I can definitely say these boys have done just that! I have no idea what they are saying to each other but I love I hear them ramble on and on especially since they act like they are making perfect sense! Atticus is also a nudist. He is always sneaking around and getting naked! what can you do?!! He is also a Hobbit he gets down from his high chair and goes straight back to the pantry for more! He weighed 25 pounds his last check! He is also talking especially to our dog honey he runs around calling her name trying to find her so he can grab her and roll around on the floor with her! Atticus also LOVES to clean and sings the clean up song all the time! He is pretty funny!

Scarlett- she is just a happy little lady! She sleeps through the night and then nurses all day long! She loves to play in her excersaucer and sit in her bumbo! As long as I am where she can see me she is usually pretty content! She HATES baby food and definitely isn't ready for that yet! She is in 3-6 months old clothing and has been for a couple months and I don't see her growing out of them for a little while!! She loves her brothers and just thinks they are so funny! We just love having her in our home! She is also my little shopping buddy! She loves to be out and about and is great in the store!

That pretty much sums it up!

Life

As my last post indicated things have been crazy the last few months. And unfortunately to add to the chaos everyone has been sick. Flu, colds you name it. Atticus is finally acting more like himself again but we continue to battle with Tristan's health. He is very prone to infections due to his surgery and an abnormality with bladder. He has basically had non stop infections since his surgery over a month ago. He had just finished a round of antibiotics Friday, only to wake up Saturday with another fever and signs of infection. We went ahead and started him on another round of medicine and he woke up today with the flu. My heart just breaks for him. He is so miserable and has been through so much these last several weeks. We talked to his dr about the concerns we have regarding issues with his last surgery. His dr confirmed that he would indeed need additional surgery. Unfortunately this surgery could end up not working also meaning we are back at square one. he will have his next surgery in about 5 months and if it results as this last one did he will need a much more intense surgery to correct the issue involving a mouth graft and 2 more surgeries at minimum. And unfortunately he will still have the abnormality with his bladder that will need to be fixed. This one will be tricky due to location. We had hoped this issue would absolve on its own but it has not and is now one of the main cause for the infections he is having. This is something we had hoped we could push aside for a number of years and deal with once his first procedure was complete. But it is rearing its ugly head and just adding to the current issues.

It's all so overwhelming but I am continually comforted by the tender mercies of the lord and the continued perspective he throws my way. At times I just want to break down and then I am reminded that these issues have a clear cut path to an end result, even though complications have arrived Tristan's quality of life should not be compromised by these issues so long as they are resolved. I have often times looked back at my blog posts while I was pregnant with the boys and I am reminded of how much worse things had seemed at one time. This is the same little boy who I was told had the possibility of being born deaf and or blind, and possibly mentally retarded. He is none of those things and for that I could never be more grateful. And so when faced with these specific challenges I at times need to remind myself how incredibly blessed he truly is, and how blessed we are to be parents to such a special little boy who makes me smile everyday! As do his brother and sister. I know these last few weeks have been hard and we have yet a long path before us to get Tristan where he needs to be but such is life and things could always be so much worse.

Conflicted

Conflicted

This week was a wonderful one! We had so much time with our families and had some pretty special experiences, unfortunately this week also had some bad news so I sit here very conflicted, happy about the experiences I had but sad about what is to come.


We had a great Thanksgiving with BOTH of our families. Devin and I have never had the issue of choosing which family we will spend Holidays with because fortunately both our families live in a 5 mile radius of each other. It makes for a very busy Holiday but it is just so nice to not have to choose.

Unfortunately this will be our last season with this wonderful convience. My parents have just officially announced that they will be moving to Washington. My parents have been going through this "process" for several weeks and so it is not exactly new news to me but when my father was officially offered the job, it hit me as if it was the first time I was hearing about it. I have never lived more than 2 hours away from my parents in my entire life. Devin and I built a house on the east side of town to be close to them (as well as his parents) and I intended to live close to them for the rest of my life. Unfortunately this is not how things played out and I can not help but be very sad. I could go on about all the reasons this SUCKS! but I think most are pretty obvious so I will spare you. I am however happy and excited for my family and this opportunity that they have been given. I hope that this move will be a positive one for my younger siblings and parents and I wish them the best. Yes it will be fun to go visit but it will definitely alter the sense of security I have built having them so close.

So Thanksgiving was good but also a little bitter sweet.

Rachel (cousin, sister-in law, other half... you get it) and I headed out at midnight on Black friday to get some shopping out of our systems and got a little more than we bargained for!!! First I ran over a huge possum on the way to pick her up.. and it mostly just grossed me out.. it was the size of a house cat!  Then when we arrived at the mall there was this lady falling/rolling on the side walk having a hard time getting up we decided to go over and see what was up. Apparently so did this man who nearly backed over Rachel trying to pull up beside the lady. Luckily he missed!!! any way the lady was mostly just suffering from "I just had one beer" syndrome so we called her a cab and went on our merry way. The first store we went in was a mad house (Forever 21)!! and after waiting in the checkout line for about 45 min we were about to the cash register when the girl in front of us passes out smacks her head on the floor and has a seizure.. unfortunatley her friends just stared while this happened in stead of catching her. So needless to say we were a little bit traumatized!!!! luckily the night when on without a hitch and we got tons of great deals and I am officially DONE christmas shopping!! and birthday shopping since D's Birthday is also in December. I finally got home at 5 am just in time to be woken up at 6 by my sweet little babies!! I have never been hung over but I can imagine it was pretty close to the same feeling!

Saturday we had my little sister Hollis' baptism. It was wonderful and she looked like a little angel!!!  Rachel and I went to Joann's afterwards and got a Grip load of fabric!! I am so excited! and hope to be a more successful quilter in 2013!! and Luckily I have LOTS of pretty fabric to help me stay motivated!!!

Sunday we blessed Scarlett with her cousin Josie Kay they both looked so beautiful in their dresses and I was so happy they were able to share their special day with one another. Josie was born a month after Scarlett. I hope that they will grow up to be best buds!!

After the blessing we had a nacho bar at my mothers house and tons of friends and family came over! it was so wonderful!!

unfortunately the day ended on a sour note.. Tristan had a pretty intense surgery 3 weeks ago. He and Atticus were born with a birth defect that has needed surgery to correct. Atticus' was very mild and was corrected with out any hitch when he was 8 months old. Tristan's has been much more complicated and has required much more prep and precision to fix. Unfortunately tonight we realized that he is not healing as well as we had hoped and there are small holes that have formed along his incision known as Fistulas. I will have to take him in to see his Dr. tomorrow and we will have to see what this will mean for Tristan. I am not sure what to expect and I am hoping for the best but I cant help but think that the details of this complication will mean multiple more surgery's. Its so hard.. I hate that Tristan has to go through this and that his small little body has to go through so much pain. He was such a trooper last time but I know that it was still hard on his little body. It breaks my heart to know he still has a long road ahead and we are not out of the woods like we had originally thought.

So that pretty much sums up my thoughts for the night. My heart is heavy and I am anxious about all of the unknowns that are yet to come and I am ready for things to just be "normal" again.  until next time.

Traded in the beat up civic for a schnazzy mommobile

So Scarlett is now 7 weeks old and I seriously could not love her more! She is as cute as ever and she is sleeping through the night... I probably should not say that out loud or I'll jinx it but she is seriously the bomb! She slept 10 hours last night!!! In her own bed might I add!

She also got her ears pierced 2 weeks ago. It was a little traumatic (mostly for me) but they are so dang cute! And they are healing nicely. I can't wait till I can start switching them out! 4 more weeks!

My little boys... Oh my little boys... they melt my heart, make me laugh, make me cry, and make me want to scream all in a 5 minute span!! But I seriously don't know what I ever did without them!!! They are pros at escaping.. Just because there is a deadbolt on the front door doesn't mean they can't get out.... Lesson learned! Luckily I have a chime that alerts me when the front door opens so they barely made it out the door! But it seriously freaked me out!

We had a play date this week with a little boy their age and lets say they need some work... They kept tag teaming him! If Tristan was trying to steal the little boys toy Atticus would come out of now were to help a brother out! Poor kid!! But what can you do.. At least they didn't bite the poor kid.. I mean if my pediatrician didn't know they were twins one look on the multiple teeth marks on their arms, back, stomach,... Dare I say face and social services would be at my door! They are brutal to each other! One minute Tristan is smacking Atticus in the face with a truck and the next minuet they are hugging and giving each other kisses! What are you going to do!!!


Django... The dog I'm going to kill him... That's all

D is working his buns off and on his off days marking things off his honey do list! He seriously is my most favorite!!! Our house is a work in progress but I have yet to find something the man can't do!! So if he wasn't so awesome I wouldn't have him building an entertainment center landscaping out yard putting up moulding.. I mean really it's his fault!

We finally did it! We got rid of my civic!!! Holly Honda was on her last leg! And trying to cram 3 car seats in the back just wasn't fun I mean it worked but it wasn't fun.. But when my hood started threatening to fly off every time I hit the freeway we knew it was time! Luckily a good friend of ours works at Jim Click and got us an AMAZING deal on a fully loaded used 2012 Chrysler Town and Country. I absolutely love it! It's so wonderful! And I think my kids appreciate the air conditioning in the back my Honda lacked so its a win win!!!

We also took a trip to apple Annie's the boys had fun holding their little pumpkins in the stroller and it was fun to take a little day trip in our new van and have some quality family time! We are seriously so blessed. I really could not ask for anything more in my life I sometimes wonder how I am so lucky to have the life I have I really have so much to be grateful for!

Welp that's about it!!