Talking things that need money all this things just smack me hard rite into my face
Why things just changed? Does it mean that I am the only one still being myself from the days we started knowing each other?
My heartbreak
F**K
Things ain't just going what I expected
meeting up isn't as easy as last time, feel so stress
Is it because I no proper jobs? NO STABLE INCOME?! FRICK, I don't want to get bother by all the money shyt! I want to just leave in a clique where money isn't the main topic
NO! FRICK!
Reading thru my email and this is what I found, I found a letter that I wrote as a draft to send to the teachers I want but I didn't:
I was a stubborn, arrogant kid when I am in Secondary One after my 6 years of my naughty primary school life. I
can still remember when I just started my CCA; IT/AVA Club, No senior's
and friend like me. As time flies, I start to skip my CCA, even if I
went I will disturb or bully my seniors.
Until one day I was doing a duty in my school hall a band preparation
for their SYF. I shouted at the teacher in charge from the control room
rite after she asked us why the mic no sound in front of the whole band. I
was being called down by the band teacher, when I started walking in
from the back of the hall, I feel so scared, out of a sudden. After the
scolding from the band teacher in charge, I still feel damn angry. As I
walk out of the hall when going back to my control room, I saw my
teacher Ms lye standing there calling me to go up cause she wanna talk
to me. At first I thought, again another scolding to suffer.
These are the two schools that has brought me up to where I am today. Memories were created. Friendship were made. Studying were at the Upmost level. Childhood play was forever a Fun thing..... Miss it so much..
Here's wishing All Teachers a Happy Teachers Day!
Thank you so much for your continuous guidance,Support and Teaching......
Once again, am gonna start with the same old starting. It's been a long time since I blog, (this time I will try to type a proper English from my knowledge in poly speaking English almost to everyone except my clique)
Okay since this is the first post for 2016. Let me had a quick glance of what are the ups and downs I had in 2015.
In 2015, I start my poly life as a year 2 student in Dip Visual Effects and Motion Graphic in SP. Rather do I have the feeling of being a senior again in my study life. I also miss those days where I help my juniors with work, giving them advice and also watching them grow is part and parcel of a year 2 student which they just started being a senior.
At first I thought my year 2 life in SP is gonna be a stress year, but guess what I manage to survive the year 2 struggle experience and I DID! (:
Other than study life, I myself had also partner a friend of mine to start up a venture in a production company in 2015. To be honest, starting business in not easy. Alot of adults had been telling me that but I would rather prefer to try it out to really know what they meant. So I did! (:
2015 is also a year which I spend alot online, only Aliexpress hahas XD and I had also spend alot on fixing my laptop, Handphone and sports shoe and I also get myself a new shoe. [*it's also my first time spending so much when I am not earning]
2015 I gave my mom her first surprise Birthday Celebration. That is always what I want to do, but I nv really had the money to do it. This won't be happening without the help of my bro for supporting on the monetary side.
2015 my clique had been through a hardship. Lot's of ups and downs. So we had a heart to heart talk session. I hope and strongly believed that, what happen that night will make things clear to each and everyone of us after talking things out. Which is so far so good, I guess. :|
2015 I had dig out few dairy and I had collate those Goals and resolution that I haven't accomplished to this year, new year resolution (but I had no time to rearrange them in sequence yet) so ya let's hope that the 2016 Dexter can accomplished it.
2015 I and him had talk things out and I had know the reason why he leave our clique. Yes, I was pissed for fews weeks when I think about that. I had seen him grown from a fat kid to a handsome boy now, but those words that he mention really hurt me deep down in my heart even now. Now, I am trying my best to forgive and forget. But now I am at the stage of Forgive but can't forget, so ya I need some time for that. How long, I don't know. But I will try. ):
2015 I had seen my classmates growing in their own way and strength, I had notice and learn that having a relationship can either strengthen a person up or pull a person down. So ya this made me fear to be in a relationship.
2015 A girl I used to love but really feel blessed that I never start a relationship with her. (*I know I can't just judge a person by listening to one side of the story but it still hurt me when I know more from her.) But this girl made me made a new friendship with his ex, and I really treasure the new friendship alot. (:
2015 First time working with someone that I had never and fear to work with, and me and my clique did a great job I would say. But this time round, my standard really drop alot. So sorry. :/
2015 It sound bad, but that was just a small percentage of 2015. There are still more positive things to mention but I would prefer to learn from the negative one and change it. So ya, I hope the 2016 Dexter would really strive harder to get what he wants for 2016.
Hey guys, its along time since I blog. Once again reading back on what I write on my blog made me laugh, cos of my English. LOL XD
Am back here again, not because I am emo nor negative. This time is total random. hah hmm I dunno what to write, hmm I think am gonna share how I feel now.
It's late at night already, now a days am alone in my room. Not like those days where I have my bro around.
I feel that I had grown a lot by going into Poly, stepping out of my comfort zone even though I am much older than my classmates. I used to think that I will be better and won't be emo when I am over 21 but things don't goes this way. Now I know that even how old a human is, they will still have their character with them. Going poly letting me to meet some people really had change my life, my way of thinking also most of them teach me a lesson.
People like Kesh, Xiang Rong, Amanda, Shar, John, Shi Jie, Addy, Hui Yan, Chloe, Ash, ZiWei, Dylan, Michelle, Chan, pang and many other that I can't think of now. Some of them are those who teach me by doing it out, some of time tell me why they do this or that... some accuse me and some just follow order.
Things really change alot in me. Now at least try to look at big picture, learn how to not worry for those who deserve my worry. Learn how to cool down when I am angry and maybe treating those who accuse me in a way that I dun hate them in person than hating what they do.
I learn that helping others is happy and sometimes helping people which I will need to give up on my grades. Maybe until now I still feel the hurt, but not as much as when we got caught. Had seen few adults behaving in a childish way to get what the position they want and knowing nothing about what are they doing. I learn that, its not really a good thing to get what you want and no one even respect you. All those small failure I get everytime teaches me how to think instead of feeling sad and grumble about it. Yes of course I will rant, angry or grumble about it. But now I had learn that when you lose one thing, you will gain another. I lost positions that I want, I lost the trust from some friends, I lost my GPA, I lost my time, I waste my effort, I lost my tears but at the end of the day I learn lesson in life which no one will share with you. Even if they share with you, I don't think teenagers now a days will listen. hmm feeling positive cos I feel that I had chose to someone who is better than the old me.
After typing so much my mind got nothing much to talk about now. Oh ya, planning your every week schedule is a very important thing that will boost everything in life. It really works very well!
When you face problem, FACE IT, ACCEPT IT, SOLVE IT and Let go
One
of the skills acquired during my NS stint as a Naval Diver is this -
drown proofing. It is a test still practised by the US navy seals
whereby we are thrown into 3m deep water with our hands bound behind our
back and legs tied at the ankle. With that, we are to take a breath,
release it completely such that we would sink to the bottom of the pool,
and then kick ourselves up to the surface to catch another breath - and then repeat it for about 10 times.
Following which, we are to use our lungs as "floats" and trap water for
about the same number of breaths, following which, we would have to
swim a distance "dolphin style" - and yes, with hands and legs still
bound.
Last but not least, we have to sink to the bottom of
the pool after the swim, perform a front somersault underwater followed
by another back somersault, pick up a dive mask from the bottom of the
pool with our teeth and bring it back to the surface.
Upon completion, that's when we are considered to have passed the test.
Bringing it into context with real life, I think some important lessons I have picked up through this training:
1. Reacting vs responding - When we are caught up in an unfavourable
situation, our first instinct is always to react. Singaporeans just love
to complain over the most minute thing - just look at FB, Instagram and
Twitter. Always choose to respond - ask yourself how you can
tackle the problem, put yourself in the other person's shoes. More often
than not, when we react, we think the worst of others - which reflects a
lot about ourselves.
2. Stop, think, breathe - One of the
things that caused divers to fail the drown proofing test is that we
tense up. When you are tensed, you tend to sink. That's the fact of life too. Always stop, think and take a breather. Being tensed will not diffuse an already tensed situation.
3. You have it within you to resolve an issue - This drown proofing
test taught us to use our lungs to help keep us afloat, without the use
of flotation devices. Some of us think that we don't have it within
us to resolve certain issues. More often than not, there's always a
silver lining - and our perspective matters. When we are too single
minded towards a certain bias, we take on a passive posture of "Nah,
nothing I do will matter". That's not true - how we deal with failure matters!
4. Which brings me to my last point - For most of us, we usually take more than 2 tries before we could pass the test.
Failure doesn't define us. Identifying what went wrong and then trying
again can be a fearful thing - but the important thing is to keep
trying. Making improvement is as important, if not, more important than
succeeding - for some of us stop trying to improve once we have
succeeded.
That said, after having passed the test, the water
confidence we have has rocketed a few notches. And I'm sure in life,
that's the case too - we become more resilient.
So the next
time when something unfavourable happens or you are at the end of some
criticism or you are shrouded with negativity -
After looking through my photo, i find my teenage life its rather mature than others. I don't have those YP days, which is to slack till overnight in parks. Never caught by police. Never go sing K with those Secondary School class mate. I find that my life is so boring. From teenage till now I had never really slim down to the standard when i can buy cloth that easy. My shirt and pants will always have a "X" in the size. Now my age had pass the Youth period already am now a young adults. No more chance for me to dress young anymore.
An
excellent film, 15 does a great job showing a side of Singapore most
people never see. While some viewers might object to the violence and
graphic scenes of self-mutilation, the reality behind every scene had a
lasting impression on me. Director Royston Tan should be commended for
this haunting look into the lives of these five teenagers. The film
shows us that even people on the fringes of society still desire the
same love and companionship we all do, these boys only have each other
and their friendship is enough to get them through.
It is really a long time since i come here, a much more personal place for me to type out dough is a non private blog dough.
My life had been good from the last time I came here to post. I believe that I had been growing up each and everyday. Everyday in camp its like a new lesson to me from my friends. :D But some how I notice that I had a very unhealthy mindset after I take to my 1SG. I feel that I am no longer the positive me as ever. Yes, I heard and read some of my friend told me that I am one of there most positive friend they had in their life.
This last 14 months in army had really train me alot in mentally and physically, and yes of course we human will have some stubborn behavior that would not change, and some of our positive attitude will change from good to bad and bad to worst.
Actually I really didn't know it till that day I talk to my 1SG when I was in my driving session with him. Hmm you know some things we will keep to our self, as time pass these little things happen every day in life will pile up to some mountain kind. The more we keep, the more we will think of why this situation happen and of course one day we will break down.
That day, I broke down. I think that was my second time breaking down damn painful. You know its life. Everyone will change and of course we will change too.
I might not know what I mean in this post but one day I will sure laugh at what I wrote now.
Sorry guys if I am so negative now, I really dunno why. Friendship, Brothers, Peers...
I really dunno what to do, it seem that the older we grow each day the less word will come out from our heart. How could I stop my brain from thinking so much everyday.
How I wish I was like last time....
Arrg writing here also no use!
FUCK!
Regrads,
Dcjr
Purple light
In the valley There is where I want to be Infantry Close Companion With my rifle and my buddy and me....
SOC Si Bei Jia Lat
IPPT Lagi worst Everyday Doing PT With my rifle and my buddy and me.... Shall continue.. Booking out. See your girlfriend. Saw her with another man.
Very sad book in back camp. With my rifle and my buddies and me...
Had never feel so disappointed before. When you are in trouble and this chapt give
you a call and laugh at you and hang up and he say this is a joke. Is
this funny?Is this what you call yourself a friend and joking? Rich,
good in studies but no MANNER. ARRG, sleep beside him some more, I really wanna change to a new location. Told him and he dun give a fcuk about this MATTER. Sow hat's the point? One by one disliking him. This is not your home town, oh oh wait maybe is my fault for not knowing so many things. ARRG, maybe typing out will feel better. Shag and disappointed. No use knowing that need to serve 3 extra or not but more of letting others looking at you, at your character. OMG I am so so so so so so so not gonna say this again and again. Or is the other way round? Am I the one with this problem? If yes, then what for I am not being dislike?
Times goes by everyone change, but this person never and she did change. ARRG!~ WHY? Why? My in sting is wrong? who i like dun like me...hiax, i guess i am just this unlucky
Why are so many things happening to me now? WHY? Have this old one here, then in there also got friendship problem. So many things happen, it's so worst till I can't just say what is happening to me?
Everyone around me in this small little place where all the rubbish come out from just one person?
Why must she stay in this place?
Why I know this guy?
Why there are so many politics going on? Why I am doing all this tolerating all by myself? Why didn't I dare to talk him? Why his character like that? Why am I always the one doing wrong? Why he got big company but like that one? Why he so old liao still so childish? Why he must add oil into fire? Why I can't be there? Why? Why? Why?
I really had enough of all this shit, I HAD ENOUGH!
I just want to be who I am. I just want to be what I want without any one interrupt. PLEASE!
-dcjr
sian, what happen to me again? ytd I get angry agian...srry bro. sian due to ama problem again, I got fedup, seriously when can this stop? Is it my mindset? or is just that everyone can tahan and I can't?
I can't concentrate on anything now. Seriously, $$ problem, stupid NS sun let us work outside, and their pay so less and outside everything is rising, can u imagine before I go in ns i work and get $1000+ a month and now is like bloody $400+ how to survive? how to help family?
In NS i also not eligible to get the financial help also...wts?!
hiax....no time for anything else, just wish everyting is alright, ok i gtg sembawang camp now....tata thank you my blog for supporting me so much. -dcjr
sian sia, what sia?! why sia!? not fair, after my grandmother come and stay in to our house, my family got lots of problem. Fuck sia, why sia? hiax.... :( My mum cook her dinner or lunch also eat alittle bit then tell my auntie that we never give her eat for 3 day! WTF~!! I dun have this grandma at all then. WTF! think you got money one big fuck ar?! HUH? CCB! Why is all this bad stuff are falling over me. why? hiax...maid give pro, ama give pro, can't comunicate with friends....i dun even know what they are think, I AM SO SICK OF ALL THIS NOW! LIKE SERIOUSLY! -DCJR
sian sian sian..... during army days the best thing is writing my diary at night. :D that's the real side of me... hmm my bunk is surrounded with A level student. Am kind of feeling jealous and its like most of those A level student are rich and they are talented. Some know dancing, some chess, some is almost everything they also know. I feel really damn sian inside. Everyday drive and non other then drive....again and again.
As you know everything got their own pros and cons. So ya the pros is that I can get a class 3 license after 2 years if i have a clean record of mine. :)
2 years is fast I GUESS. after 2 year I want to study but dunno what course....
blog- ing again, now in SAF liao. totally sian life but we learn how to treasure everything around us. Even some small objects or people. :) anw, got 1 week off. tmr and tuesday got to go help out the filming. wish everything goes well. JIA YOU! ALL the BEST TO EVERYONE AROUND ME. :D night sweet dream.
Facebook can change a person life.
Human now a days visit cyber world more than anywhere else in their life. Teenage tend to speaks out to cyber world where by them knowing their parent won't know anything about it. They dun wan to keep the secret to themselves
I LOVE YOU, is not only for couple, girl freinds or boy friends. This word is also meant for those people around you who come in when your other friends are going away from you. its for your best friends.
It does not give you any rite to get emo over girls whom they don't treasure you when in other country where those young children who lost their loves ones
she is just one person that dun like you and she affect you think crazy? what about ur mother, she feed you for so long and you dun feel sad for her doing so much for you and you wanna die?
being understanding is no use, when i just need someone, my brother to talk to also cannot. I just need someone to listen to what i say no matter am i correct or wrong, is it that difficult? WTF SIA!? _|_ FUCK THE WORLD! I dun say i kena CB SIA -DCJR
Jun long went up to my place to slack just now. He was happily telling me that he want join competition all this... And I chose to tell him the truth. I told him that you just say only, you never work hard also no use...shit! U hurt him right through his heart. I know he will feel sad, I feel the pain too.. am sorry jun long, I really wish that you know the truth. am sorry... -dcjr
2 more months after CHinese New Year, I am leaving everyone in singapore. Leave for NS. I am not really excited but some how I will miss everyone especially her, I dunno how will she feel?
Gonna leave this place soon. I don't wish to know the answer and continue to like you just like how I like you when I first say I love you.
:) Time flies, so fast. I am now 19 going to be 20 and hit 21 soon. OH MY GOSH! When I am old, I will like to read thru my blog and let memories flow through just like how the wave blow through my ear...so many memories...
H mum called me to borrow money without letting her know, now i see the truth. I dunno what to do now. Seriously, ytd and today can't sleep well, K perhaps I am just her friend now. no more that close friend anymore in her mind, not the god brother anymore..no more man, no more.... Now I feel that her mum treat me as a person who will lend her money. OMG~! why does it happen to me. I dunno why, its a nightmare to me now. I don't think i can sleep well for few weeks... amituofo.
I am no more the dexter in your mind anymore, no more the dexter had gone and my heart had break... seriously the fear...omg... -dcjr
In my life, I some how regret knowing ChongYao, ZhiHong and ZhiHang. I regret going in to their life, regret helping them out, regret knowing and feel sad for them.
Now how I wish to leave them alone, and slowly let go of ChongYao and ZhiHong. I don't know will they see this post. Anw now the most person I am worried about is ZhiHong, How I wish he understand how I feel, how I care for him. When his mum leave him that time my heart promise to take of you. But now, it seems so hard, so hard then promise ur mum, even I dunno her at all. After everything of the wake, he stopped looking for me anymore, wonder hows he is doing? So I waited for a month and now I think is to let go and not to care for you anymore.... :'|
The second person will be ChongYao, he seems mature, but I feel that he is not mentally mature yet. This guy, he can survive in any kind of situation, jus know him too well so no matter how I worried for him, he will still survive. So ya Dexter, you should let go and let him go...
Lastly this wonderful junior, ZhiHang. I find him is just like another me but a more perfect me at first. As time past, i find that he is really just like another me TOTALLY. but ya still better than me serious. Erm for him I really dun have much to worried about. Cos I know him like better than the 2 and he is really mature than me some times hahas..erm think I should not be in his world also...cos am abit annoyed..ya i feel that like SERIOUSLY...OMG hahas
Ok when it comes to let go I really need lots of Courage and time and lots of rejection.
For thw girl I like, for nw I really got no idea how to woo her and I dunno how to start. What I only know how to do is just to like sweet talk and the worst part is telling her all my negative tots and troubles...OMG hiax..seriously really dun think I got a chance, its not about her ain't giving me a chance is mee...cause i dunno how to start at ALL!> OMFG! ahhaa laughing at myself for being so STUPID! yes she is rite, I am a idiot. not emoing but that's the fact.
and ya my another friend, JunHan, this dude is like my "gf" liao...no lar should be Best friends bah erm we really like share all things when we dun even have the same hobbies or what..but end up still can hang out and chat hahas funny....i dun like when he is emo...totally scared the hell out of me man serious FIERCE man! wish his dream come true and try..TRY arh not to emo liao....ahash JIA YOU! LOL dun even knw he got read or not haha nvm at least I feel better tonight sleeping can liao...
nights all! Am nervous for the MusicVideo and ya a busy seclude ahead! :) gtg sleep night all! Sweet dreams. -DCJR
some times i really _|_ my brain. I will feel emo because of my brain. when i start emo..then my stupid brain start to eleborate on what I am good at...I know everything by abit not strong in anything, i dunno what i like even i am doing photography and videography now. then it start to ask me what i wanna be when i grow up, why can't i be better then other people? Why juniors are better than me, why I can't plan my life properly. why i can't think of what I like, Why,,alot of why seriously I am 19 this year why i dun have anything I know best than why the F am I doing in the last few years? didn't i learn something? didn't I grow up? Didn't I get mature? ya this is what happen in my brain and during the emoing so yes you help me thanks jun han for letting me to feel emo and start emo just now -dcjr
I feel that I am so small compare to him, the only way is to learn and listen to what he say is the best way to know big! :)
Yes, after thinking I think that its rite. Rich family kids think different way. And I guess is correct. So ya the only way is to read and watch more.
You no need to be rich to know & get lots of things..
And it is so true that everyone is born to have a purpose! I must motivate myself in order to motivate my peers. AGREE! Totally agree! :) STAY POSITIVE and Stop feeling jealous and emo again ahhas that what I always do...aiyo not gd not gd...
Ok so Gt to really sit and plan my future...clear what I need to do to prepare myself...JIA YOU DEX! -DCJR
This few days are a nightmare for me, really a big nightmare. Was sick, 4 days of diarrhea, 3 days of flu, 2 days of headache and 2 days of sore throat. ITS KILLING ME MAN! Now when I am typing this post also feeling headache.
*sniffing
This few days just finish editing....and ytd was doing testing of setting for the E-Lesson. Guess what?! My boss came my house to do the testing and then he said: "Dexter, tmr you off." haha I think he is scared to be infected by me...AHAHAHA LMAO.
*sniffing...
Throat pain, nose pain, head pain....
What is going on man? Ya and my whole family got flu too...is like WAHT!!?!?!?!??!!?
How come chun one?
Okay upcoming...will be the MV, me and some dude doing tgt for the 14 years old rapper. I totally know nothing bout him but wanna give it a try.
hiaxzz...sian.. I wanted to go Halloween this year, the last year where my age is below 20...but forget it. My bro duwan go due to runescape.. MY friends got akido... then i ask my bro from 7pm onwards....till it ends around 9pm.. to go with me..sian
SAD man... -.- feeling sick... My body is sick.. I am sick... Tmr going sing K with pauline...like so lucky that we got time tgt to meet. ahhas Is she my true friends? I ask myself? Will I still have those friend who I had around me after my NS? aiya my mouth say dun care but my mind keep thinking about it... Totally DUN LIKE this feeling.. i go sleep liao...lifeless body... -DCJR
I feel like crying again, this time is it I am feeling guilty or heart pain cos i break promise?
Listening to this song make me feel so sweet, peace and everything positive... :)
I think this time, saying sorry is no use. I know and I am not wrong.... I think I should not be one hand clapping...should I or I should let go?
I got the answer in my heart, yes or no. :)
tmr gonna be a stress day for me, dunno what to tell teachers, dunno how to talk to so many people but I guess still the same me. :|
Ok dun think too much...listen song enjoy and next week goona rush for projects again, relationship put a side. :|
night blog...thank you for listening, feeling much better now.. I feel that facebook and twitter is not safe...am I right? Not going to do what I should not do. -DCJR
Inside American School, @ the 1st floor canteen with the aircon, got a bunch of non Singaporean OLD BI_CH bully new staff. CB them tell them swim back their country next to Singapore to be OLD chicken lar! Every time take food which haven't be served to student, end up student not enough food. WTF! Some more the OLD not Singaporean DOG SHE FISHING RICH, tell everyone her husband buy $300 wallet still take food from canteen which is NOT ALLOWED!!! SLACK liao then all gang up to bully my mum, tell my mum to do their work when they SLACK! F U ALL LAR! Think u all old I dun dare SCOLD u ar?! I don't respect those adults who don't even respect people, I DON'T. I will follow KARMA, you wrong you will get punish!
I know I am wrong, but I just really don't know how to say sorry... I dunno what will happen if I say, I dunno what will happen id I chose not to say..or maybe I should just keep quiet for the moment and let her cool down -DCJR
reel steel is 8 of 10. Is touching and the kid actor (Dakota Goyo) is really awesome is acting, he is just talented. A wanna be BIG star in the future. The touching part is there, the animation is COOL~ and also is funny too! Go watch is really nice show if you are a person who like touching film. -DCJR
I am Dexter, I dunno who I am but for sure...I know I like to help others don't wish to ask for anything.
This time, this is another case. He is some one that I dun really know and what I saw is I think he need someone to talk to so I walk into is life. I start to TRUST him that he would know what to do after me and Zhi Hang talk to him, this time I am wrong again. I let him stay over night, he ask my bro hp's for someone numbers and my bro agree with a unhappy feeling which he never show out. He used my laptop to serve Facebook and he forget to log-out before he left our house. My bro saw it and intend to shut down our laptop and he saw it, it was actually just a prank and my bro wrote "I love you MUCKS!" nothing had happen until after 5 hours ago cy check his fb saw that and told him.
I didn't know about it till he called me and said the first sentence. "You post SMLJ?" THAT WAS RUDE! I pass the phone to my bro, they 2 fought and end up we argue with our parents due to this. I didn't know this will happen, if this pranks happen on other of my friend, they will not have this BIG REACTION.
I know how you think, you are not angry at this prank, you are angry at my bro cause ur biggest enemies comment on your post FULL STOP! So you put all YOUR ANGER on us. COME ON, I had enough. What is this? You said sorry after you put all YOUR ANGER on us till our whole family was arguing because I trust you that you will change.
Do you know how much I sacrifice to really know you and change you better? I tried my best, but what about you? I am so wrong to be your friend, isn't it? Is this what you are thinking?
My heart was TEAR by YOU. I tried so hard, did you? ASK yourself DEEP in your heart. Now sorry is nothing to me, you had hurt me badly.
I should have listen to all the adults that tell me not to help all this teenager that need help, lost and who need people to talk to. But I didn't cause I feel that if I help them, it will easy for them and I can guild them to their success path without falling down. The thing is THEY dun understand. I had tried my best, put all my 100% in them wish they will change, I treat them like my real blood BROTHER. I cry for them when I was sleeping, I worried for them and I am scared that what will happen to you every day. What I had in the end was the cruel treatment.
If you dun need me, others need. YOU are NOT the ONLY human IN THIS EARTH.
This is a message to him: If you think WINNING is EVERYTHING. That's it I will walk out of ur life and I will NOT BORDER you anymore because I had said and done all those things to tell you, "you should change" and this is what I get. I had enough. I am KIND and please do not take my kindness for granted./'
Hey there, am Dexter here! Had done this short 4 minutes Montage as a gift to those who came to Fang Sheng. The quality is not good due to me using Digital Camera. :P Enjoy.
I hate my life now, can't go out, can't do this, can't do that... Everyday only facebook facebook....what a shit of my life. _|_
Dun have a proper time table, can't go for extra class... then what sia?! KNN!
ARRGGG GOING TO GET MAD SOON!!!! want do my own things also no money a bunch of bull shit only left exercise, wth!
I want finish army and get a course then a part time job when studying then get a full time job. finish.... dun dare to think so far. sian....everyday facebook stalk people till sian,... see others life so busy so good. wow piang i majam roting at home got work majam no work like that.
hiax....SIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TTM
every day tell me do house work, i rather play game then doing that...._|_
sian LAR! wan help people also can not, wan help myself also cannot, wan go out play also cannot, wan go slack also cannot, wan go take course then no money, then i go out with auntie bee hong mother jealous, want go eat buffet no money, dunwan work also cannot later more sian, got work like no work like that, want go out play no one free, use facebook till sian liao, KNN LAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some times I am just tired to entertain people. Its annoying...ehy they dunno they got a very heavy attitude problem. I had ENOUGH! Because they are selfish, they dun care about others... so why should I? -dcjr
Its not about weather is it a close friend of my or not who died. Is some kind of sad feeling that runs in my blood. I really dunno how to explain. Its lonely, sad, sudden, and alot of mix feeling and mood that can't describe.
I ask myself, what or who make me feel this way. But I can't find an answer, I really dunno.
I still can't believe it until now. Although I saw his face in the coffin last night, I feel blank in my mine, I saw austin's tear, I don't have this kind of feeling before. NEVER. Why? I just want an answer for this feeling. WHY?
never the less I feel better when I type out after a strong breath...
I guess eat is the only way to feel better. Isn't it?
now I just dun feel like sleeping after work frm 10.30am to 12am
I guess I am just mentally tired. am I?
How I wish my blog is alive and I can cry in front of him....correct my blog? you know me well.
-dcjr
The more I read his FB wall the more my tears rolling in my eye, I still can't believe this is happening to you. I really can't get over it. rest in peace
The feeling of seeing your friends in our own friends wake is not a good feeling. :|
-dcjr
When to watch "THE CAT" just now.
Although its say it will be on screen on 1 September but its showing just now.
And its a 4.5/5 for the story and 3/5 for the whole movie. Its worth watching. Is 2 third scary not really that scary but can scare a girl. :) do catch the movie!
-DCJR
The more I browse through Derek Lim facebook, the more I feel like crying althought I did not talk to him much. Its just like too fast to see him leave the world. He is so young, 1 or 2 year old younger then me only.
OMG I hate to say goodbye, Its harder than I thought. How I wish I never log in to twitter and see what Austin retweet. OMG! I still can't believe what is happening now. Serious.
Rest In Peace.
I don't know what would others say to me and how many people will really feel sad that I leave this world. I wish it would not happen, but you know no one can stay in this world forever rite?
How? There is only one way, to believe in religion to peace our mind.
-DCJR
Now am working 3 jobs,
1st Work in SuperPC as a Videographer cum Editor
and 2 part time jobs TIMEZONE and MacDonald.
Just don't understand why jobs are coming in for me when I am working as a Full Time now?
Basket when I need jobs, no jobs for me. But now you see...hiax... :)
But not bad lar I can intro jobs to others too. COOL~
Why there are so many chances, first I get a call to be a Assistant Producer then to do Admin work.
Whats next? I should STOP changing Jobs now. ENOUGH. Tired to change anymore.
Some times I feel that volunteer work is great but the human controlling it some times are BULLSHIT.
Enough le, I really had too much of all this.
我累了。。。 (I'm tired)
-DCJR
When it comes to NDP, everytime it will make me think of the days when I was in ITE and the juniors, friends, teacher and crew celebrating my birthday when I was being attached to the NDP 2010.
I miss those days and I wish it can happen again and every year...
this year birthday I got one but its not the one I am wishing for...
Who knows me well? Who can know what I really want on my birthday?
I just feel touch when I watch TV or movie when they show those documentary showing how their life and I am impress those who can be famous when they are young.
HAd plan to print out all the photo but out of a sudden I got a ring from TZ for working and I went.
:)
I want some thing in my life that I can be proud of.
I want my parent are proud of me saying I am their son.
but I am not good in anything...
arrg maybe i am just tired think too much.
So what am I good at?
Good at nagging people to be a better person when I am not?
Good at being used by others?
Good at being used as "good" friend and kick away when they got new friends?
I dunno and dunwan to know. Tired.
Ama wish you get well soon.... Ama do you know I am worried for you...... Ama I wonder how are you feeling, are you feeling scared alone in hospital.... I still want to hug you, like how I hug you the first time.... How I wish you still can stand up and eat lunch with me together.... Ama I miss you so much.... Ama get well soon... Ama I wish to be your grandson in our next life to let you to love me.... Ama how I wish to listen to your life story but you seldom talk... Ama how I wish to treat you just how I treat all those ama and agong outside, like a friend...
First of all thx YANNI ANG for the present! LOVE IT! ITs a cannon DSLR BAG. COOL OR WHAT?! hahas
LOVE IT!
no time to take a pic of the bag. nvm the image is in my heart le no need to show others. :P
hahas thanks mei mei! I LOVE YOU!
Everyone is growing. escipillay from single age to 10 this is the stage where kid change most. OMG! Is really fast,
This is one of them,
Before 3 years;
After 3 years;
I love looking at others life, I enjoy it alot and some how I would like to be like them. In front of media they are like this but their own personal life? I doubt. I knew it they are different from me. He is Yi Xuan and I am dexter. I admit that I had a wonderfull family and life already but its just some little unhappiness that become the dirt on the paper.
now am having a work conflict from my way of observing but I guess for others will think that is easy to solve. This working life is making me to learn NOT to be JIA RONG. The pure one...... :)
I am happy with what I had now, only that few times where by I need more attention from my love ones.
Enjoy every second. This is life, we have only one life. hahas :)
I think I can feel how my parent feel now due to CY. Care for him but he don't appriciate. He is just like me when I was feel years back. Now I finally know it.
You can see that I had really start to lock up my emotions and feeling. Starting to become an annoying and childish adult stage now. Not wish to get into the adults stage. -DCJR
How I wish to get this kind of kids actor and this kind of mood in a scene. Its like almost everyday I am watching this few short parts again and again and end up I become damn moody...sad especially. :|
I wonder how they cry like WOW? I wanted to learn how to cry but I can't.
You will be thinking why are you wasting ur time watching all this again to get sad? I think dur to me being so positive all the time, I really want to have a long time crying.
I want to be an actor but I can't cry... :( I although I am sad I can't cry, why?
Am working Civic mac for like 1 month already but half way through, one of the company find me up to be their company videographer and editor. I am happy of course, but leaving Mac again makes me hurt alot especially those auntie and people that I had work with for ONE MONTH. So long.
I had spent almost my whole one month seeing them, prank them, talk crap with them. I really miss them alot. I am not really a good learner so I got scolded a lot of time. :| hah
Now my boss like don't want to let me go, then how do I tell the other company like that? Anyway I told them and I also wrote down that I am quitting by this month.
1 is TIMEZONE another 1 is Mac. Aching start to run in my blood stream. There is only one thing wish I dare to do is to tell my mama I feel very unease. I feel like crying out but I can't.
Tears being to run in my eye ball but they still don't want to flow out. DANG!
This coming Saturday is a day that I am going out with yanni but half way through thanks to NDP that i can't go out with her to support shawn. sobs but its alright priority comes first.
Got a real friend now I guess... Tan CY. This guy is like aiyo. cute (erm other then that erm I cant think of one anymore) no lar, erm he is understanding, cute, adorable and I feel like hugging him. (I am not a GAY)
feel better now at least I type here..thanks to my blog. I love you blog just the way you are. You are the one who made me upgrade my standard of english and the one that I type out all my sorrow too. I am sorry that I had a long period forgetting to visit you. Sorry wish you dun mind.
My mind is full of sadness now. I want to tell CY how I feel and I cry it out but I am scared to see myself crying.
My tears drop a little bit by little bit now.
How am I going to be positive every time. I guess I need attention, who can give me? My smile are all fake these day. :| Is it a good thing to force myself to smile?
I miss those days in India. I dunno why i cried that time just like that but now I can't? Maybe my body tell me not to feel sad easy and to stay stronger! because I am a young adult now. am I rite, my body? -DCJR
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Hey! I would need your few seconds to help "like" my picture and do share in your facebook wall! thanks!
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I got this feedback:
Dude, read the fine lines! These guys are image farmers... their terms and conditions are BULLSHIT!
"all entrants *grant* a license in the Entries to the Authorised Parties, and acknowledge that any Authorised Party may use the entries and a name credit in any media now or hereafter known, without the restriction, including commercially using the entries to the fullest extent possible worldwide in perpetuity."
"3800 pixels long side eligible... i.e. slightly larger than S8R."
"Entries become the property of Sponsors and will not be returned."
They get hundreds of photos and ownership of your photo and they just need to pay 1 person 1k, (and another person 200 bucks). and Oh oh... you may not get the 1k in cash if you win because they can substitute the prize with anything similar in value.READ THE T&C!
And now I end up feeling so shitty! But what I am thinking is to make money through this kind of competition but end up...hiax...
This post is really gonna be a very negative side.... I had not been so negative till this competition is going on. Should not had submit. After this post I am feeling better, really a lot better. Anyway thanks to Richard for the reminder.
:) My life past so fast and I don't know what is going on too...
I miss those school days when I don't need to worry about money and no need to see the boss face but just study hard. I regret now......I am both mentally and physically tired.
I need attention.
-DCJR
