November 21, 2018

            Here it is the night before Thanksgiving and I have so very much to be thankful for and truly do feel blessed.  So many good things happen in my life and I have a lovely comfortable home and love and good people around me but still my heart hurts so very much.  I am feeling like such a failure in the important things and like I really do not know how to play this game of life very well.  Perhaps it is time to take me out of the game and let me sit on the bench.  It would be a relief to not have to try to win any more and not to fear losing.  The things I do best are to teach the Gospel Doctrine Class, serve in the temple, make things to give to others, take care of Dick and show love and caring to anyone and everyone and these things give me daily joy, but when it comes to being a mother to my dear daughter Ranell I fail miserably.   I really don’t know when or where and what I have done for her to want to exclude me from her life but it seems that I have caused her pain in some way so that she cannot bear to have anything to do with me.  She has a quote in her house that says to not allow people who suck the happiness out of you be in your life and that must be what has happened.  But I don’t know how or why and I cannot repent or repair what I don’t know or understand.  She will not even answer the most simple and innocent of questions and Mike acts as her protector so she won’t have to ever talk to me and then he is so condescending and treats me with such disdain like I am the wicked witch of the west.  Dick says to just forget it and let it go but how can I when she is my most beloved daughter, my first born who I love so dearly. I have always felt that she was so smart and good and beautiful and have often told people that she is the most celestial person I know and I still feel that way so I don’t think that she is capable of hating me but she has decided to literally eliminate me from her life and her thinking.  Perhaps this hurts even more than having someone be angry.  I am so very sorry that I have caused this kind of pain to her and it is with great sorrow and pain that I think that I have done this to someone who I love more than life itself. 

            Yes, I am blessed and have so much to be happy about and I try to remember this but always there is this deep sadness and sometimes a pain that takes over and I feel like an empty nobody.  It is true that no other success can compensate for failure in our family.     

GOING, GOING GONE

I can feel myself dying - one cell, one atom, one neutron at a time - and it is alright,  for that is what is supposed to happen.  It is the plan.  It is what it is because we would not want to live in this world the way it is forever and this is the only way to progress.  Sometimes I would like to hurry up and just get it over with and move on.  I am not afraid of the body dying but it is very sad when the spirit is dying and I feel this happening too.  There are times when I just quit thinking or feeling or caring and this brings on a sadness and feeling of hopelessness.  Or perhaps it is the other way around and the hopelessness brings on the other.  Feeling hopeless is when you realize that it isn't going to get any better - things are not going to change - that this really is how it is for here and now. Hope is when you have an expectation of something better. 

There have been so many who I know and even love who have chosen to end their mortal lives and I understand.  This happens in Utah at an alarming rate and we wonder why,  but perhaps it is because we know that we don't just die forever but that there is life after death and that where we will be will be better and so that becomes something to hope for. It becomes not just an ending but a new beginning.

Hope is so important to this life along with Faith and Charity.  Our greatest hope comes with faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and His gift of the atonement and in trying to be more like Him which means loving like Him or charity.  I pray for more Faith, Hope and Charity.      

BITS AND PIECES OF THIS WEEK IN 2013

WE are thinking about our dear friends, Farley and Darla Kinchen and remembering this day we spent with them in Arkansas not long before he died of a heart attack.  Farley is one of Dick's dearest and truest friends who he did so much with.... fun, work, talk, laugh.  He is missed for there will never be another Farley. 










A day at War Eagle Art Show
with good friends Farley and Darla Kinchen. 

 

 

Giving a lecture and demonstration for Tom Hapgood in his Topography Class at U of Arkansas

 

Wonderful calligraphy done by masters.  

 

 

 

This is the wonderful family photo quilt that Ranell made and family gave us for Christmas.
Love it!!!!  

HA HA HA......

Perhaps there is no one viewing this very out dated forgotten blog and so it will be a safe place to express some personal thoughts and feelings.

I have been very blessed through out my life and feel gratitude as I count these blessings - but regrets, I do have a few.  As I am now 78 years old I sometimes think  "Is this as good as it gets???  Is this all there is???"  And then I realize that "YES..... AND THAT'S THE WAY IT IS!"

One thing that I regret is that there has not been more laughter in my life.  Laughter seems to me to be a sign of life, joy, love, feeling good and unity and there just hasn't been very much.  I have noticed people's laugh and have envied those that have a special unique laugh that you recognize as being them no matter when or where you hear it.  I envy these people and have even asked some if they could teach me how to laugh like they do.  My dear friend Janet Frasier has a laugh like that - and Nolene Obert - and Cathy, my dear sister-in-law - and Brandon and other Cooper boys - and our darling son Keith.

I envy families that laugh together and always enjoy being a part of this kind of joy.  It really has been a rare thing to happen in our family and I do wish I could go back and somehow make it happen again and again. But how do you ever make something like this happen?  I have heard people say that one thing they would want in a mate would be a good sense of humor and someone who would make them laugh.  I never thought of that being a desired attribute but now I want that very thing.

Laughter is supposed to invigorate and activate your body as well as your mind and keep you feeling alive and young.  I truly think that this is so.  Laughter really is the Best Medicine.  It releases tension, lowers anxiety, boosts the immune system, aids circulation and is a basic universal way of communicating for it is the same in any language.  Contagious convulsions are anything but frivolous but best done with others and not at someone else.

Laughter builds a bonding relationship that overcomes challenges and hardships and couples that can laugh together seem to have higher levels of satisfaction in their relationships and tend to stay together longer.

So.... laughter is something  that I  desire for myself and my family - yesterday, today and tomorrow.

HA HA HA 

IDAHO FALLS

In our travels we have found the best place to spend time - Woolstenhulme's RV Park in Idaho Falls. These are such good people and friends from our Nauvoo Mission. What good times we have with them. 

MORE FAMILY TIME

RANELL slalom skiing on perfect water.

Yes, she still can do it with style

It is now the challenge to others who have not done it for awhile 

to be dong this next summer.

Will it happen???

It is nice to just hang out with family.

Celebrating Austin's birthday

July 13, 2013

A bit of dress up at Oma's 

Another special event was Gavin and Coree sharing their experiences 

as they traveled Lehi's trail in Arabia in a fireside that was held

at the church with about 80 people attending.

They had pictures along with information they had learned from

George Potter who has researched the scriptures and geography

of that area and gives convincing evidence that this would have been

the way Lehi and his family traveled from Jerusalem to Bountiful

where they built to ship to come to the Americas.

Key to this is that Joseph Smith could not have known of these places

that correlate exactly with what Nephi wrote

 in the Book of Mormon describing their travels - 

so this book is just what it says it is.

An ancient record written by a people living in the Americas

600 BC till about 400 AD

and translated by Joseph Smith.  

FAMILY TIME IN ARKANSAS

The day we got home from Kansas City, Saturday, July 6
Heidi arrived with fun Deegan and sweet little Syeira.

This was the beginning of Family Time.
We had three days with her before Ranell and Mike
 came on their bikes on Tuesday all the way from Utah.
 And then Coree, Gavin, Jonny, Nicole, and Vika
came on Wednesday all the way from Saudi Arabia.

With Keith, Stephanie, Natalie, Ausin and Makenzie
we often had a house full of family and fun.
We missed those who could not be with us -
 David, Susan, Nick, Ashley, Taylor, Morgan, Emmi,
Vi, Roux, Lars, Lauren, Josh, Mikie and Colton
but we will take and enjoy any family that we can be with
at any time.

  

A very special event
Vika's Baptism
July 13, 2013


 

Boys and their bikes
The Girls sometimes went with them on the back
Ranell let Gavin use her bike

 

Pretty Heidi and her sweet children.
We still can't believe that she drove herself and kids
here from Vernal, Utah just to be here with us.
She is amazing and can do anything.

 

Moments seeing kids loving each other and having fun
make an Oma happy.

Syeira and Natalie


 

Syeira making a butterfly sandwich.

 

Family at Gully Park Concert.

 

Family at Beaver Lake.

 

Some family at Crystal Bridges American Art Museum
Nicole, Jonny and Vika
with Pinochio

 

A day at Terra Studios - the Blue Bird Factory
Yes, they really blow glass bluebirds here.



 

I have a family here on earth,

They are so good to me.

I want to share my life with them

through all eternity.